Mike and I have spent the last couple months doing a lot of promotion for The Toddler Survival Guide. We’ve done a lot of podcasts, some print interviews, several guest articles for newspapers and magazines, and a few TV shows. The TV shows have been a trip because, as you know, we’re people who watch TV. We don’t appear on TV.

Two days after Christmas, we were invited to appear on a local Los Angeles morning show, Good Day LA. We had to be there pretty early since it’s a morning show, which was no problem except for one thing: my eyes. I have horrible dry eye issues (I guess that’s common with people who have astigmatism), and even though I have special contacts for them, they don’t always “take.” That morning, I attempted to put in my contacts and immediately had to take them out because they hurt so much. I decided I’d put them in at the studio, giving my eyes time to “wake up” and get moist on their own.

After we arrived at the TV studio, we were taken to hair and makeup. YAAAAY someone to cover up my giant dark circles!! I took my glasses off to get my makeup done (obviously) and left them in my purse. Now, this is when I should tell you that my eyesight is really, really bad. I can see colors, but they all run together. I can’t see details on anything unless it’s about…10 inches from my face. Not good.

After I was done with hair and makeup, I went back to our dressing area and tried to put in my contacts. I put the right contact in and could tell it was going to be a no-go. I couldn’t go on TV with bright red eyes (although that kind of goes with the zombie theme of the book!), so I decided to just go without contacts OR glasses. I don’t know why I was struck by this ridiculous wave of vanity, but let’s say it’s because it was early and I hadn’t had any coffee. Since Mike was in hair and makeup, I texted my two oldest friends.

They’re good friends.

While I was texting, Mike returned from hair and makeup. “Hey, I think the cast of Hamilton is here.” As you may remember, I saw Hamilton a couple months ago. I am a HUUUUUGE fan. So obviously, I freaked out.

Mike: I just walked by a bunch of people in revolutionary clothes and they had stars with the silhouette with the man standing on top…that’s Hamilton, right?
Me: *Immediately posts about the cast on Facebook, tries not to hyperventilate, fails*

Right after I posted, a producer came to fetch us for our segment. I was excited to be interviewed by Megan Colarassi, someone I’ve been watching on TV for a while and have always enjoyed. She was as nice and funny as I’d hoped. While she asked us questions, I realized how much I rely on my vision to “hear.” I guess I do a lot of lip-reading, who knew? But despite not being able to see well, the interview went well.

When we were done, we found out that the cast was going to perform in the next segment. I asked the producer if it was okay for us to stay and watch. “Sure!” he said. I went back to our dressing room to get my glasses, and when I returned I discovered that it wasn’t the cast of Hamilton.

It was the cast of Spamilton, the Hamilton parody.

I started laughing so hard at myself that we had to leave the set. The moral of this story is always wear your glasses (and maybe double-check everything Mike tells you).

The next day, one of the show’s producers sent us some still photos he’d taken while we were being interviewed. As I was scrolling through them, I found this gem.

Then I zoomed in on my face.

You guys.

This is the face of someone who just realized she could no longer rely on lip-reading and has to really concentrate.

Also this one, where I am apparently discussing how to squeeze things? IDK.

This is why watching TV is so much better than being on it.