Living With Loss

Wrong Number

James has a new fascination with my cell phone. I get it – there are buttons, noises, bright colors, what’s not to like? When I’m making dinner I stick James in his high chair, and sometimes when he gets antsy I’ll turn on a baby app and hand him my phone. I did this the…

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As We Walked One Morning

Yesterday was the Los Angeles National Brain Tumor Society walk. We all do our best to make it to the yearly walk in Jackie’s beloved San Francisco, but once we heard there was a Los Angeles walk we thought it was the perfect opportunity to raise awareness closer to home. I have to be honest…I hate these…

Second Verse, Worse Than The First

Whenever I meet someone who’s just completed their second year of grieving, I ask the same question: “Was the second year harder than you expected?” I’m almost always told yes. As Mike and I navigated all the milestones that came in the initial twelve months following Madeline’s death, we always said to ourselves, “We survived…

A Marriage Surviving

It’s no secret that many marriages fall apart after the death of a child. I completely understand why. The death of a child completely shatters you. You’re the same people, but at the same time, you’re really not. Everyone changes throughout the course of a marriage but it’s rarely so sudden and complete. So you…

Guilt And Gratitude

After Maddie died we received such an outpouring of generosity. Our friends set up a P.O. Box so people could send us cards. Well, it went way beyond cards, and we were sent some truly amazing, soul-touching things. In another example of how great our friends and family are, they went through everything we were sent in…

Canyons

At least once a week I get an email asking why I don’t write more about Maddie. I go through patches where her name rolls off my tongue and I can flip through pictures with no difficulty. And I go through patches where I just…can’t. When even as much as I want to talk about…

Imaginary Sisters

Annabel has an imaginary friend. Well, more specifically, an imaginary sister. I don’t know if this is a typical childhood thing or a product of our circumstances…probably a little of both. Her imaginary sister is older, and surprisingly (for Annabel), she is unnamed. This leads to Annie saying things like, “My sister and I would like…

On Grief Vultures

The support we received when Madeline passed away was extraordinary. I’ve said time and again that I really don’t know how we would have survived without having so many people hold us up. Those early days and months are a blur, but I do know I accepted help from anyone that offered it. I assumed that…

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