Living With Loss

A Marriage Surviving

It’s no secret that many marriages fall apart after the death of a child. I completely understand why. The death of a child completely shatters you. You’re the same people, but at the same time, you’re really not. Everyone changes throughout the course of a marriage but it’s rarely so sudden and complete. So you…

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Guilt And Gratitude

After Maddie died we received such an outpouring of generosity. Our friends set up a P.O. Box so people could send us cards. Well, it went way beyond cards, and we were sent some truly amazing, soul-touching things. In another example of how great our friends and family are, they went through everything we were sent in…

Canyons

At least once a week I get an email asking why I don’t write more about Maddie. I go through patches where her name rolls off my tongue and I can flip through pictures with no difficulty. And I go through patches where I just…can’t. When even as much as I want to talk about…

Imaginary Sisters

Annabel has an imaginary friend. Well, more specifically, an imaginary sister. I don’t know if this is a typical childhood thing or a product of our circumstances…probably a little of both. Her imaginary sister is older, and surprisingly (for Annabel), she is unnamed. This leads to Annie saying things like, “My sister and I would like…

On Grief Vultures

The support we received when Madeline passed away was extraordinary. I’ve said time and again that I really don’t know how we would have survived without having so many people hold us up. Those early days and months are a blur, but I do know I accepted help from anyone that offered it. I assumed that…

A Life That’s Good

I’m afraid to feel good. I finally had to admit this. How can I ever possibly feel good again? She will always be missing, and I will always be missing her. There is no good when she is gone. Except…there is. There is so much of it. After so many years of instability and drama, things…

Don’t Tell Me That

I’ve written a fair amount about the things you should and shouldn’t say to grieving parents. There’s one expression that I’ve purposely left off the lists. Like most of the “wrong” things people say after a child passes away, this one is well-intentioned. But, this one stings no matter where I am on the grief timeline,…

Lifted Spirits

The night before the March for Babies we had a rare Los Angeles rain storm. I was worried it would still be raining the morning of the march, but luckily the skies cleared and while it was “California cold,” it wasn’t anything a few extra layers couldn’t handle. I was so thrilled with our March…

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