Mike and I have spent the last couple months doing a lot of promotion for The Toddler Survival Guide. We’ve done a lot of podcasts, some print interviews, several guest articles for newspapers and magazines, and a few TV shows. The TV shows have been a trip because, as you know, we’re people who watch TV. We don’t appear on TV.
Two days after Christmas, we were invited to appear on a local Los Angeles morning show, Good Day LA. We had to be there pretty early since it’s a morning show, which was no problem except for one thing: my eyes. I have horrible dry eye issues (I guess that’s common with people who have astigmatism), and even though I have special contacts for them, they don’t always “take.” That morning, I attempted to put in my contacts and immediately had to take them out because they hurt so much. I decided I’d put them in at the studio, giving my eyes time to “wake up” and get moist on their own.
After we arrived at the TV studio, we were taken to hair and makeup. YAAAAY someone to cover up my giant dark circles!! I took my glasses off to get my makeup done (obviously) and left them in my purse. Now, this is when I should tell you that my eyesight is really, really bad. I can see colors, but they all run together. I can’t see details on anything unless it’s about…10 inches from my face. Not good.
After I was done with hair and makeup, I went back to our dressing area and tried to put in my contacts. I put the right contact in and could tell it was going to be a no-go. I couldn’t go on TV with bright red eyes (although that kind of goes with the zombie theme of the book!), so I decided to just go without contacts OR glasses. I don’t know why I was struck by this ridiculous wave of vanity, but let’s say it’s because it was early and I hadn’t had any coffee. Since Mike was in hair and makeup, I texted my two oldest friends.
They’re good friends.
While I was texting, Mike returned from hair and makeup. “Hey, I think the cast of Hamilton is here.” As you may remember, I saw Hamilton a couple months ago. I am a HUUUUUGE fan. So obviously, I freaked out.
Me: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Mike: I just walked by a bunch of people in revolutionary clothes and they had stars with the silhouette with the man standing on top…that’s Hamilton, right?
Me: *Immediately posts about the cast on Facebook, tries not to hyperventilate, fails*
Right after I posted, a producer came to fetch us for our segment. I was excited to be interviewed by Megan Colarassi, someone I’ve been watching on TV for a while and have always enjoyed. She was as nice and funny as I’d hoped. While she asked us questions, I realized how much I rely on my vision to “hear.” I guess I do a lot of lip-reading, who knew? But despite not being able to see well, the interview went well.
When we were done, we found out that the cast was going to perform in the next segment. I asked the producer if it was okay for us to stay and watch. “Sure!” he said. I went back to our dressing room to get my glasses, and when I returned I discovered that it wasn’t the cast of Hamilton.
It was the cast of Spamilton, the Hamilton parody.
I started laughing so hard at myself that we had to leave the set. The moral of this story is always wear your glasses (and maybe double-check everything Mike tells you).
The next day, one of the show’s producers sent us some still photos he’d taken while we were being interviewed. As I was scrolling through them, I found this gem.
Then I zoomed in on my face.
You guys.
This is the face of someone who just realized she could no longer rely on lip-reading and has to really concentrate.
Also this one, where I am apparently discussing how to squeeze things? IDK.
This is why watching TV is so much better than being on it.
Cindy says:
I am at my desk in my office. I am laughing SO HARD and trying to fake that I am working. If I had to go anywhere without glasses or contacts, I would need to be led with a cane or seeing eye dog, (plus having been at Good Day LA, I know there’s a flight of stairs involved backstage!) so props! You and Mike have been everywhere lately!
Morgan Shanahan says:
No I am dying. This is the best.
Melissa says:
OMG….I am laughing out loud at this. Thank you for the laugh! In all seriousness, you looked beautiful, but those faces are fantastic
Erin says:
OMG! I just laughed right out loud at work. I’ve been reading your blog for years and this was one of the funniest posts EVER. Thank you for being so witty and sharing your adventures with us.
JustAMom says:
Ok…… that face to me looks like you are trying to do a Sara Huckabee impression!!!
And I’m blind too. I’ve always said if someone REALLY wanted to hurt me, they’d hide my contacts and glasses. I would literally be helpless.
RzDrms says:
And you were apparently throwin’ LA gang signs there in that first photo! LOL!
Heather says:
OMG! I just realized what I’m doing. I’m counting along with which toddler tip we’re on!!! OMG I am laughing all over again
RzDrms says:
LOL! I knew right away what you were doing. You had to keep track somehow, especially since you couldn’t SEE anything! 8-|
Jessica says:
Best thing I’ve read this week for sure!! Wear your glasses! But also, don’t because your “concentrating way too hard” face is fantastic!
Barb says:
I’ve always said I can’t hear without my glasses. And then people look at me like I’ve lost my mind. It’s real people!!!
Leah says:
LOL’d! I wouldn’t be able to see or read much of anything without glasses, although every now and then when I’m walking on a bright sunny day I take them off for a while just to reassure myself that I can get around without them.
Danielle says:
It was definitely Jessica. For like one book and then they were never mentioned again
I have missed your stories so much! I’m nearsighted so I look like an old lady if I’m trying to see something far away!
Becca says:
Hahahaha – I saw your post about Hamilton on facebook and was so hoping you’d write a blog about it! Love that this was the conclusion
Kathy says:
My family has several mottos…”It’ll be fine”, “Don’t be stupid”, and “Don’t be on TV”. Obviously, while promoting a book you can’t follow that last one, but your story is a good reason why we have that motto!
Heather says:
I need to adopt that motto immediately!
Lindsay says:
HAHAHA! Amazing.
I was in LA for the first time ever last weekend and (in a totally non-creepy, non-stalkerish way as a long-time reader) was low-key hoping I’d run into you when I was at Disneyland or the Rams playoff game, lol. You’re just cool people.
Heather says:
AW! I would have loved to meet you!!!
Debbie says:
LOL!!! You look fantastic! As a life time contact wearer (blind as a bat), I don’t know how you pulled it off. Kudos to you!
Damita says:
Trying to not to laugh too loud at work right now! Failing miserably. Spamilton almost took me OUT!
Chris says:
So I used to have the exact same vision as you, and it was SO AWFUL. I couldn’t distinctly see anything past my nose, and contacts frequently gave me grief. I got Lasik last year and IT CHANGED MY LIFE. Like an ACTUAL MIRACLE. I cannot sing its praises enough. No more contacts, glasses, eye infections, or dry eyes. It’s simply amazing. I highly recommend it.
(If not, check out Restasis – it might really, really help your dry eyes.)
Heather says:
I want Lasik SO BADLY. I can’t even imagine waking up and being able to see!!! Hopefully sometime in the future.
Chris says:
If you have vision insurance through Mike’s job- call and ask about a benefit. Mine paid for half!!
Heather says:
SHUT UP! I am calling FIRST THING tomorrow!
Chris says:
I KNOW RIGHT?? Please let me know what they say!
cally says:
Get a prescription for Xiidra! Works so well for dry eye.
Heather says:
Oh, thanks for the tip!! I will ask my optometrist!
Jess says:
I’ve had one of those days where you’re just in a funk until just now. You had me laughing so bad! (Sorry) ?? thanks though.
Kelly TKelly says:
I am laughing at my desk SO HARD right now. People are starting to stare. And check on me. It’s turned into that silent laugh with the whole body shake.
Hey… at least your makeup looked awesome!
Sarah B says:
OMG YES!
This is so me. I can basically not see or HEAR anything at all without my glasses. I always say, wait let me put on my glasses before you talk to me.
I found this article which explains the whole thing: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201101/what-i-cant-hear-you-my-glasses-are
It’s super annoying and I have a pair of extra glasses (don’t wear contacts) in my travel toiletry bag because I’m always nervous my glasses will break when I am flying or something and I will be paralyzed with immobility.
Heather says:
Oh my gosh, this is fascinating! And now I’m going to always pack my backup glasses.
Cyndi says:
My co-worker just asked if I was choking because I’m laughing so hard.
Brooke says:
Truly lolololing here!
twingles says:
I cannot stop laughing…my husband is asking me what’s so funny…I am as blind as you and a bit older and now have the added bonus of needing reading glasses over my contacts! Something for you to look forward to! HOW did you even make it onto the set?! I am impressed!
Heather says:
I need to wear reading glasses over my contacts, too!!! LOL. Mike guided me onto the set, rolling his eyes at me the entire time
Six Pack Mom says:
Ah, how I loved this! Prior to laser surgery, I too was virtually blind, and can still vividly remember the angst of days when my contacts wouldn’t cooperate. My favorite part, though? As a hardcore 80’s fan, the Sweet Valley High reference. I wanted to BE Elizabeth (maybe I still do?).
hulsta says:
you guys were great on the tv show, you didn’t seem excited at all!