On Saturday I woke up early. I had a long to-do list and a bunch of errands to run before we had people over for dinner. I’m not normally one for getting up before the kids on a weekend, but I didn’t want to be running around like a crazy person while I checked everything off of my list. After doing some laundry and baking pumpkin bread, I hit the road.

I made a bunch of stops: the post office, the craft store, grocery store, pharmacy, home store, spa, and finally, the mall. Even with my long list I was way ahead of schedule. I decided to enjoy the air-conditioned mall for a bit, since it was literally 100 degrees outside and I’d been sweating my brains out. As I wandered around, I saw a new store had opened, so I popped in.

The shop had a dozen workers spread throughout the space, and all were eager to greet each customer. I noticed that as each one greeted me, they’d kind of look me up and down and trail off, like, “Hiiiiiii…” Sort of strange and a little rude – almost like they were judging my outfit. One guy in particular stared at my chest. Like heyyyy buddy, my eyes are up here. Whatever, I wasn’t going to let the sales people ruin my child-free shopping experience.

As I walked around, I passed by a mirror and saw it. My shirt was wet, with two spots over each breast. I looked like I was lactating…which, you know, I haven’t done in quite some time.

what is happening

I quickly crossed my arms over my chest and tried to figure out what to do. I was in a clothing store, so it made sense to just buy a new shirt. As I reached out to grab one off the rack, I noticed that my arms were wet…actually, more like greasy. “What the heck did I lean into,” I thought. Then I felt something roll down my stomach, and I realized that the silicon inside of my bra had burst. I hung the shirt back up, crossed my arms, and ran from the store all the way back to my car. Because nothing says, “Don’t look at me,” like running through the mall like you’re on fire.

When I got home, I inspected things and saw that yep, the silicon had broken.

broken

I have no idea what could have caused the breakage. The bra was really old (I’d only grabbed it because I’d washed my other bras that morning and they were still wet), it was crazy-hot outside, and I’d been carrying heavy items earlier, so maybe a combination of being old, hot, and pressed against heavy things was just too much.

But mostly, I have no idea how long I walked around looking like I was entering a wet t-shirt contest.