Last year at Annabel’s Pre-K orientation, a dad asked if kids would be allowed to have peanut butter in their lunches. I watched a mom in front of me stiffen as the teachers replied, “We’re asking you not to. We have a child in one of the pre-k classes with a severe nut allergy.”
As the dad made a face, the mom in front of me stood up. “My daughter is in the Tuesday/Thursday class, and she has the nut allergy. Even peanut dust could kill her. She’s only four. Please, I’m begging you, don’t send peanut butter to school. It’s only two-and-a-half hours. Please.”
She sat back down, and the dad said, “My child is in the Monday/Wednesday/Friday class, does that mean I can send peanut butter?”
I will never forget the look on that mom’s face.
I see similar conversations play out again and again. Scared moms and dads beg their fellow parents to leave the peanut butter at home, while other parents refuse, saying, “It’s my right to feed my child what I want – your child’s health is not more important than mine.” As if the risk of hunger-induced crankiness is the same as the risk of death.
Of course, there are a lot of airborne food allergies, and it isn’t realistic to ban everything. But I just don’t understand the parent who, upon hearing about an allergy in their child’s class, continues to send the allergen to school. Why would you willingly risk a child’s life? Why would you risk your child being the reason a classmate gets sick or dies?
My kids don’t have allergies, but Annabel is a picky enough eater that her packed lunch is exactly the same every single day. But if there were a kid in her class with a milk or strawberry allergy, we’d figure out some new foods to put in her lunchbox. There are thousands of options at all different price points for dairy-free, nut-free, and allergen-free snacks (and protein alternatives) just on Pinterest. And – she could still eat yogurt and strawberries at home!
Last week, Annabel came home and told me about the peanut-free table at her school. “I can sit at it, because I don’t have peanut butter!” When I explained to her that the table was started for kids who are allergic to peanuts, she asked, “Why does anyone bring peanuts, then?” When I told her it’s because some parents still want their kids to eat peanut butter, she was appalled. “But grown ups are supposed to keep kids safe!”
And that’s the rub. Kids should know that the adults in their schools will keep them safe. I shouldn’t have to worry that you’ll speed through a crosswalk while we’re in it (because your child has the right to be on time to school just like mine, right?), and another mom shouldn’t have to worry that your child might accidentally kill hers at lunch. What has happened to empathy? What has happened to our village?
Excited about her nut-free lunch.
A sandwich is not more important than a child’s life. It’s just not.
Heather says:
I agree with Annie! Grown ups are supposed to keep kids safe, and it’s dispicable that some grown ups aren’t on board with that. How would they feel if their kid had a food allergy?
jonelle says:
Thank you. It really is that simple. I’m an adult with severe peanut allergies. I flew Southwest this weekend. They don’t serve peanuts when someone is allergic (and allow you to preboard to wipe down your seat area). I had to listen to some jerk yell at the flight attendant because he couldn’t get his little pack of peanuts in a 90 minute flight.
Mary says:
Why do they even still serve peanuts? Why not just switch to pretzels for every flight? I don’t really understand why they continue to serve them.
Heather says:
It’s probably a cost thing, but I agree.
Heather says:
I’m sure he’d have been REALLY understanding if you’d been exposed and the plane needed to make an emergency landing. Ugh, I’m sorry you have to deal with that!
Glenda says:
I was on a SW flight with this same situation. I was afraid for the person with the allergies. Some people are just so inconsiderate.
Heather B. says:
Exactly! I always worry about the person with the allergies.
Skye says:
Another peanut-allergic adult here. I have been told by other airlines that they can’t stop serving peanuts on a flight or make an announcement. If someone near me on a flight eats peanuts, I take some Benadryl and am fine (I don’t have a severe allergy to airborne peanuts), but it really bothers me that they wouldn’t stop serving them for a flight. Maybe the other airlines’ policies have changed because I haven’t checked in a while but that’s awesome of Southwest!
Ashley M says:
My daughter’s best friend (I believe there are other students as well) has a peanut allergy and our school is too relaxed about it. There’s a peanut-free table at lunch, but my daughter tells me she sees peanut butter foods and candies all the time. Including their classroom! I find it frustrating even when it’s not my own kid. Keep EVERYONE safe. There are so many options when it comes to nut butters these days.
Cris says:
In my daughters kindergarten, the class next door had a kid with severe peanut allergies. And because they shared a play yard, her class banned it. I did not hesitate or question it at all. One day her dad was on a time crunch and asked if he could make her a peanut butter sandwich and she fought him tooth and nail against it.
If I 5 year old can understand how severe this problem is, then every parent should be able to, too! No excuses.
Heather says:
Exactly. Little kids are so compassionate, they want their friends to be happy and healthy.
Kathy C says:
Thank you for this. As the mother of two peanut allergic children (now adults) it’s nice to see that some people “get it.” I teach kindergarten and see responses from parents that are unbelievable. It would be different if it was your child – look at it that way.
Tracey says:
Well said! I am a teacher and last year we had a child with a SEVERE sesame allergy so we asked parents not to pack any sesame products including hummus made with tahini. Imagine my surprise when a parent emailed back with some crazy statistics about how so very few allergys are actually “severe” and “life threatening” and how our society overreacts. She then implied this child did not have a SEVERE allergy and stated we were being over-cautious. Well, this child had been taken out of our school in an ambulance when he was 2 when he was served hummus and crackers for a snack because his airway did, in fact, begin to close after ingesting sesame. My director handled the doubting parent beautifully and I got over my initial shock as I feel the same as you. Shouldn’t we all stand together to keep our children safe.
Kate says:
This point is pretty much the one I wanted to make: I think there are a lot of parents who don’t believe that these allergies are that serious. They imagine it like lactose intolerance or something, when that’s a million miles from the case. (Or worse, they just assume it’s some attempt to fit in with this fad or the next, and not an actual, serious allergy.)
Annalien says:
And even if the allergy is not that severe or life-threatening, why would you want to make a small child miserable with tummy ache or an itchy rash by exposing him to something that he is allergic to?
Lee says:
I hope Annie still sits at the peanut-free table if she wants to. One of my friends was just saying that her son is the only child with a severe peanut allergy this year, and he was sitting alone at the peanut-free table during lunch. The school was going to find other families to commit to a nut-free lunch so he could have companions at his table. Since Annie already has nut-free lunches, there’s no hardship there! (Or is there already a full table of children with the allergy?)
Heather says:
I’m not sure how many kids sit at the table, good question! That’s so sad for your friend’s son, my heart breaks.
christine says:
Our school allows the kids that sit at the allergy free table to pick a friend to sit with but the friend’s lunch must also not contain anything that contains an allergy. So it isn’t just limited to nuts but also milk, soy etc. It isn’t just a nut free table.
Kelly says:
Ours too! As long as you don’t have any nut products, you can sit at the allergy table with a friend. A few kids in the class make that choice so that they can sit with a certain friend (or keep someone company who’s lonely over at the otherwise empty allergy table).
Sara says:
My son has a PN allergy and his school started a PN free table after we asked (his class is PN free too). He has classmates that will ask their parents to pack PN free lunches so they can sit with him, and they get upset when they don’t. I’m so relieved that he has such understanding friends. I fear the day when others will start to bully him because of his allergy:(
Lissa says:
Don’t assume he will be bullied. I have heard of it, but we have not experienced that at all. I smiled inside just the other day when my now 14 yo son went out with a friend and the friend asked on the way out the door “Do you have your epi?” As long as your son continues to attract the same kind of caring friends he will have more than his family looking out for him – and standing up for him should he encounter a bully.
Chris says:
I don’t even understand this. I am a Canadian teacher and our entire board is ‘nut aware’. There are too many students with potential life-threatening peanut allergies, and so peanut butter – and products with nuts – are simply banned from the get go. Inconvenient for some, but if necessary for even one, then so be it. It is appalling to me that some parents react in such a way and ignore the health of other children. My kids love peanut butter, too, but we find other things to send. I think a firmer stance needs to be taken by the school board.
Rebecca says:
I had a student who had a peanut allergy last year. The parents and fellow teachers gave me more grief about it than my students. They did their part wonderfully and really cared about her to be vigilant about not bringing peanuts into the school. Twice, there were instances of forgetting (Reese Cups!) and they immediately told me and kept it closed until after school.
One fellow co-worker was the worst and complained about it as often as she could to me. It was ridiculous because, as a vegetarian, I included nuts in most of my lunches/snacks and was fine with not bringing them to school. I don’t know why it was such a big deal for those who didn’t eat them so regularly.
That being said, the student actually told me of several instances where she was served peanuts/peanut butter at home and nothing even happened. I contacted the parent several times but she was never taken back to the doctor to actually confirm the allergy. I think that’s where a lot of second guessing comes from. In addition, I think people just like to complain about things. Especially when they don’t have any first-hand experience with the situation. It’s ridiculous. Better to be safe than sorry. It is a child vs. food, after all.
Miranda says:
Heather,
As the mother of a 4 year old with severe peanut and tree nut allergies, I want to THANK YOU for this post. I wish all parents were this empathetic and understanding. It really is shocking the number of people who seemingly refuse to believe you when you try to explain that the smallest amount of nuts or nut products could kill your child. Again, thank you for bringing awareness to this issue!
DefendUSA says:
My best friend had a hissy fit about this very issue. She was going to be THAT mom who sent PB with her kid even though there was an allergy.
I asked her two questions. Do you think that mother loved her son less than you? If the shoe were on the other foot, what would YOU do? She shut her mouth and found alternative lunches.
Deirdre says:
Both of my children (a 3rd grader and kindergartener) have severe peanut allergies, requiring that they have an epi-pen on site at all times. I’m “lucky” in that my kids’ allergies seem to be consumption-based only (for now anyway) and not air-born. I’ve had to work with the school on strengthen policies a bit regarding peanut products, but it’s definitely not a peanut-free school. Peanut butter is still served as a lunch option and kids can bring in whatever snack they want. In a way, I’m okay with this, because my kids do need to learn to navigate a world that includes peanuts. That’s something they will likely have to do the rest of their lives. That said, I’m always completely dumb-founded when parents actively protest any requests regarding peanuts (or whatever allergen) for all the reasons you mention, Heather. I understand that some people may not have a clear idea of what a peanut allergy involves. But they ones who get outright angry about their kids’ rights to peanut-products really blow my mind. If peanut butter is the only thing your kid will eat, maybe it’s time to actively work on expanding their palate. I know it’s possible because my kids had no choice but to do without peanut butter. (Also, there are lots of peanut-free substitutes. My son often eats SunButter, which is a sunflower seed spread. It looks like peanut butter but tastes, not surprisingly, like sunflower seeds. While it doesn’t taste exactly like peanut butter, it is good–I’ve eaten it myself).
christine says:
My son is also allergic to peanuts and I have taken somewhat the same approach. It is up to him to say “no thank” when he if offered something he is unsure about. What bothers me is when adults don’t accept his “no thank you” and continue to ask him if he is sure. He knows not to trade his lunch/snacks and not to eat anything that is given to him that he is unsure about. It does bother me when teachers hand out candy as a reward because he knows that until we read the label he can not have it.
Danielle says:
I agree it is wonderful to have other parents and students that are considerate of peanut and other allergies. However, I think it becomes frustrating when parents of allergic kids do not take the time to teach their children to manage their allergies at all and only expect everyone else around them to make changes. If people would be considerate of others AND people would teach their kids to be responsible regarding their exposure and consumption of what they are allergic to, that would make the safest circumstances. Even young school-aged kids can start to learn this, and they will at some point in life need to take full responsibility for managing their exposure to their allergens, even if it is communicating it in advance to airlines or potential employers.
Deirdre says:
I’m not a position to speak for all allergy parents, but I can speak for myself and all the allergy parents I personally know. We do, from the time they are diagnosed (depending on age, some are diagnosed as infants), have lengthy and exhaustive conversations with our children about their food allergies. I can’t imagine an allergy parent who does not do this. We train our children from the time they can talk to ask whether something has nuts, to say “I am allergic to nuts” or “I have a peanut allergy”, to basically refuse food that is offered to them, to NEVER share food with anyone, even their friends. Our children are often very used to skipping out on the birthday cake at a party, or handing over any homemade cookies to their parent, or bringing their own food to playdates or parties. The children are often just as knowledgeable as the parents regarding their allergies. BUT, some kids are also incredibly shy or bashful by nature. If an adult offers them something, they may take it because they don’t want to be rude (they may not eat it, but they may take it). It takes a certain amount of courage to stand up for yourself as a small kid and some children aren’t really programmed that way. It’s an imperfect system and it always will be. My children go to a school that is not nut-free and I am constantly working with them, because as I mentioned in an earlier comment, they have to learn to navigate a world with nuts in it. That will always be their reality and I strongly believe in teaching them personal responsibility. I have said, too many times to count, “I cannot rely on the rest of the world to keep my children safe.” The chances are extremely high that at some point in their childhood, they will eat something with peanuts in it. I know that. They know that. Accidents happen. Actually, my daughter (who was almost 3 at the time and we were restricting peanuts, at the advice of her allergist, because her brother was already allergic) was diagnosed with her allergy when her grandmother (who is very vigilant about allergies) gave her a donut from a bakery we frequent. She asked for one with vanilla icing at the bakery but was given one with peanut butter icing (white icing, although perhaps not as white as the vanilla). We spent the night in the ER because she couldn’t breathe and had hives all over her body. So, mistakes happen. There is no perfect system. But don’t think for one minute–unless there are some completely irresponsible allergy parents out there–that we don’t educate our children from the time they can talk what they can and can’t have.
Jenny says:
Thank you for caring. And thank you for calling out the jerks that don’t. After all of these years, assume that all schools, all classrooms, all sports and all birthday parties with my son’s peers need to be nut-free. It isn’t that hard. He has nuts at home but not at school. Got it!
While the parents have lost their empathy (and minds), I find most kids are like Annie. They care more about their peers than lunch. Maybe we all need those reminders of lessons learned in kindergarten.
Margie says:
So true, so very true. Thank you for the reminders.
Anna says:
My nephew has only a mild peanut allergy, and we still make it a point to not bring peanut products around him. It’s not that hard, in fact, I’m sure it’s much more difficult to be the kid/parent who has to deal with the allergy daily.
Mel says:
Our primary schools in Ontario, Canada where we live are “Nut free schools”. From the time my kids started kindergarten until they were in Grade 8, we were not allowed to send anything with nuts. My kids are alive and well and have infact graduated high school and the fact that they couldn’t eat peanut butter at school did not hurt them one bit. They understood why and accepted the fact that they were lucky that they didn’t have to worry about getting sick and that their friend and his parents had to worry about him every day. Good for Annie to care and shame on any parent that doesn’t understand.
Laura says:
I have a 17 year old with a life threatening peanut allergy. The peanut free table can be a lonely place. My son hated being isolated from his friends in elementary and middle school, so it was always fantastic when his friends/friends’ parents made the decision to make their lunches peanut free so they could all sit together! As an aside, the peanut allergy game totally changes in high school. The kids are expected to manage their epi pens, benadryl, where and what they eat all by themselves (epic pens stay with the kid instead of in the office so they can give themselves the shot if needed) — so it is a good thing if you can train your peanut allergy kid to live in a hostile world as early as possible. In some ways it gets both easier and harder as they grow up. Thanks for bringing attention to this issue. It’s a tough one.
Erica says:
I am in Ontario, Canada and our schools have not only banned peanuts but also nut-free substitutes like WowButter. We have parents frustrated because there are alternatives that cannot be used.
Christine says:
Why are the substitutes banned? I can get behind banning peanut butter (and per a friend with an allergic child we stopped sending tree nut butters due to potential cross-reactivity) but we still use seed butters, which we were told were safe. I’d be irked if those were banned for no valid reason.
Lisa says:
Many times they are banned because they look no different than the real thing. How do you tell quickly if it’s peanut butter or an alternative when the sandwich looks the same.
Christine says:
Got it. I slapped a note on the sandwich if we sent sunflower butter (we’re vegetarians so the seed butters are a nice protein alternative for us). However, our cafeteria served PB&J daily so talk about mixed messages.
Erica says:
Exactly correct. The additional frustration is that schools are not willing to provide refrigeration (assumption that meat is the only safe lunch to bring). Schools are unwilling to budge.
Heather says:
I sent meat in containers with ice packs.
Michelle says:
Thank you for this post. I really appreciate the parents who make an effort and don’t complain. It is so much harder being the allergy parent than the parent who can’t send nuts to school. (I have one daughter who has a peanut allergy and one who does not.)
My daughter has had an allergic reaction from sprinkles. There were no peanuts in them, but they were processed on the same equipment as something with peanuts. Sprinkles are tiny, and peanuts weren’t an ingredient. But even that minuscule speck of peanut dust was enough to trigger a reaction. It’s a very scary thing as a parent. It happened at school. The teacher and the parent who brought the treat in thought it was peanut-free, but they forgot to read the sprinkles label. I have to read every label every single time I buy anything.
Thanks again for “getting it” (and encouraging other adults to have some empathy).
Auntie_M says:
How very scary for you! And your child! (And the parent & teacher who had tried to do the right thing–those labels are tricky things!!!) Glad your child made it through ok!
Lisa says:
None of my children have food allergies, thank goodness. It would have to be horrifying every time your kid left he house. It seems to me foregoing peanut products during the day is a very very small “sacrifice”.
Heather says:
That’s what gets me – the fear these parents must have, sending their kids out there every day. And it’s a fear we could help them with, so easily, and so many just don’t CARE.
Auntie_M says:
Bravo!!!
Alimartell says:
Our schools and camps in Canada (or at least in Ontario) have been tree nut- and peanut-free for years. It’s interesting to me that they seem to just be catching on south of us.
I think, truly, and sadly, that people have no idea what life-threatening actually means. That it means that a child’s throat could close up and that a child could DIE. It’s not a preference, it’s not a sensitivity, it’s an allergy, one that’s severe enough that you have to read every label on every food you eat, one that’s severe enough that cross-contamination could cause an allergic reaction that requires an epipen.
I think if people truly understood this … and they still selfishly “need” to send nut products to school for their children … they are just assholes.
Kelly says:
Are the children rubbing the peanut butter on each other? Or on the table? If they wash their hands after lunch, wouldn’t that solve it? Sorry, but when I was a kid, you were responsible for you and your kid. If my mother told me to stay away from peanuts, I would. I applaud the peanut free lunch table, but banning all nuts from the entire school is unfair and over the top. They banned Halloween from our local school a few years ago so kids who don’t celebrate Halloween won’t be offended.
Pretty soon we’ll all be going to school naked with no food so no one is harmed or upset in any way.
Auntie_M says:
I think you are failing to understand the case in point included airborne allergen–even the dust or particles could close an airway quickly,perhaps quicker than a nurse could arrive with the child’s epi pen, and the child could die. My grandfather was horribly allergic to raspberries, so if the juice of a raspberry even touched something he were to eat his airway would close in under 30 seconds. Terrify as a child who loved raspberries to observe, but you’d better believe, I NEVER put raspberries near anything he would eat after observing that mistake when I was just a young girl (someone put them in a fruit salad & they thought removing a portion for him & rinsing the fruit off would take care of the matter–it didn’t!).
AND to answer your probable sarcastic question, if they are very young, then yes, there is a very good chance that those sandwiches may get rubbed on the lunch tables or each other or that hands won’t get washed until right before returning to class ’cause kids are kids and they are often wonderfully rambunctious, messy, and joyfully rough-housing during lunch/breaks because that is what those breaks are for, in part: to let of steam in the middle of the school day. So, yes, peanut butter, jelly, cream cheese, tuna, lunch meat, you name it can be on their hands and therefore each other. If your child could DIE because of an ingredient of someone else’s lunch, I’m guessing that you wouldn’t be quite so cavalier about the matter.
Peggy says:
As for your Halloween analogy, that’s an entirely separate issue that has no place in this discussion. These kids are not “offended” by peanuts. Peanuts can kill them. That’s kind of different, don’t you think?
ldoo says:
What she said. Exactly.
Rachel says:
Okay, the Halloween thing is stupid. But not comparable to the peanut issue.
Do you understand that being exposed to peanuts, their residue, or their dust can kill people? Kill them. Dead. All because you couldn’t just reach 12″ to the right at the grocery store to pick up some almond or sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter.
Also, you’re totally right. 3, 4, 5 year olds are known for always staying away from stuff their parents told them is off-limits. Oh, wait…
Kelly says:
If the child can’t stand peanut dust in the air, how are they going to go anywhere EVER? Are peanuts to be banned at the movie theater, the restaurants, the mall? Any of those places could have a seat or table where someone sat eating peanuts and left dust or residue. Why are peanuts only the anti-Christ at school?
And Halloween is relevant, because we’re becoming a society that must accommodate every single person ALL THE TIME. How long before peanuts are banned in the workplace as well? And at Target? They still sell Peanut Butter sandwiches at Panera too.
Heather says:
A lot of people I know with these allergies DON’T go to movie theaters. And they don’t go to baseball games, or restaurants that serve peanuts, or peanut products. They have to go to school. They are learning how to take care of themselves, and sometimes they need a little extra help and protection – help that other parents should be happy to provide because it’s EASY. Celebrating Halloween isn’t life or death, bringing some allergens to school ARE. Why does this offend you so much? It’s a child’s LIFE?
Jen says:
Plus the difference in some of the places you just mentioned, is that a parent would likely be right next to them and could respond immediately with an epi-pen as opposed to waiting for a nurse to respond.
Are you really that lazy that you can’t be a little bit more creative with your kids lunches?
Deirdre says:
Lucky for you, YOU don’t need to figure out how to manage a child with air-borne allergies. Congratulations. But children with that type of allergy–frankly–don’t go a variety of places. These kids and their parents rearrange their entire lives to be able to live with this allergy. They don’t expect everyone to accomodate them all the time. But they do expect to be able to go to school. Peanuts have become the anti-Christ, as you say, because 1) peanut happens to be an allergy that effects a lot of people 2) it causes anaphylaxis, which can cause death, unlike other allergens 3) peanut traces can become airborne, unlike other allergens and 4) keeping them out of school should and can be a relatively easy thing to do.
Kelly says:
Our MLB ballpark has a peanut free suite– and even allow a special pathway to get there, so as to lessen the possibility of coming across nuts. In the suite they serve nut-free food options. Isn’t that cool?!
As someone who has a son who has both a love of baseball and a nut allergy, I think that’s pretty awesome. THANKFULLY his allergy is not so severe that he can’t be near someone eating peanuts or peanut butter. But I can tell you I have literally been on the edge of my seat at a game where others were cracking peanuts a couple seats away from him. It is 100% within their right to do so, but it still made me nervous. So this time, we’ll take advantage of the nut-free option.
There are lots of nut-free options. Sometimes they’re tastier and less expensive. Even to bratty adults who are ignorantly set in their ways.
Heather says:
Wow really? What ballpark is that?
Kelly says:
Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. I didn’t look into other parks, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something similar was offered. I should say that it’s not offered for every game, but it’s a good option nonetheless.
(Just realized the person I was responding to was also Kelly. We’re different people )
Heather says:
That’s so great. HUGE props to the Phillies organization for that!
Heather says:
I would happily send my kids to school naked without food if it meant EVERYONE CAME HOME ALIVE.
Kristen says:
Boom.
Deirdre says:
Do you not have children? My guess is no, or you would understand that sometimes kids are messy eaters. They do get peanut butter on their hands. They do sprinkle crumbs everywhere. My own children have a consumption-based allergy, which means they can be near peanuts/peanut butter, but eating it would cause an anaphylatic shock and possibly death. But that’s not the case for every child. Some are so allergic that it’s an airborne allergy–they can’t even be in the same room as it. Trace amounts can cause a reaction. Are you not familiar with anaphylaxis? Here’s a link:http://www.webmd.com/allergies/guide/anaphylaxis I’ve been to the ER with my daughter after an accidental exposure so I know this isn’t a made-up thing. Both of my children are aware of what they can and cannot have. Both are very responsible, considering their ages (5 and 80, about their allergies. But, let me tell you, we’ve had kids try to wipe their peanut butter sandwiches on my son “to see what would happen”. So no, you can’t rely on your own kids or other kids to do the right thing all the time.
Heather says:
And *kids* shouldn’t have to worry about scrubbing their hands thoroughly lest they accidentally KILL one of their classmates.
Deirdre, how you didn’t murder those kids who tried to wipe peanut butter on your son, I’ll never know.
Deirdre says:
Contrary to the opinions of some who believe our goal is to trump the rights of others, we allergy parents are usually pretty reasonable. The incident I mentioned above happened when my son was in kindergarten and the other boy was only 5. While I was upset, I didn’t expect a 5 year old to fully comprehend how dangerous a food allergy can be. While teasing of any nature isn’t cool, this boy just thought he was teasing my son in an almost joking way…except of course, it wasn’t funny.
Kelly says:
Most experts and studies agree that Peanut hysteria is completely unwarranted:
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/jan/09/opinion/oe-stein9
http://www.livescience.com/3131-food-allergy-hysteria-nuts.html
http://content.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1869095,00.html
Heather says:
Nope. First of all, these were written in 2008 and 2009 and at least one of them is an opinion piece (I can’t tell about the others, I’m looking on my phone). Have you ever had an anaphylactic reaction to something? It’s terrifying. Why are you so against keeping kids safe at school? I almost hesitated to approve this comment because it’s so ridiculous.
Sco says:
Publish the dumb comments so they can be called out. Seriously, anyone who is on the fence about this needs to see how incredibly stupid these people are who don’t believe peanut allergy and anaphylaxis are real things.
Heather says:
My only reason for hesitating was I didn’t want a mom or dad with a peanut allergy to see that and feel demoralized. It’s already hard enough for them, ya know?
Jayme says:
Little confused as to how you can scroll through comment after comment after comment from parents telling us about their kid’s severe nut allergy, then swoop in here with this little bon mot. FYI, three articles (seven years old, and one an opinion piece to boot) do not represent MOST EXPERTS. And, in case you’d failed to read the bunk ass links you posted, every single one contends that yes, for some kids, EVEN IF IT IS JUST ONE KID, nuts can indeed be life-threatening. They are not exaggerating their allergy. It can literally kill a child in certain circumstances. But yes! Let’s play Russian Roulette with our kid’s health and see just how “severe” can be! You are callous and ignorant, and not very good at the google. Go have some peanut butter. A big ol’ spoonful, enough to shut you up for a bit.
ldoo says:
“You are callous and ignorant, and not very good at the google.”
This is the best insult I’ve ever heard (and I completely agree with you)!
Jackson says:
There has got to be a kinder way to educate someone who relied on dated “research” and opinion. I am sorry to say this but you sound like a bully. Allergies are a big issue and can be life threatening. People who rely on Google — and I do as a researcher — can be taught how to do a reliable search.
Jayme says:
If not being willing to tolerate someone’s CLEAR disregard for the safety and well-being of other children makes me a bully, then yes, I am a bully. I don’t suffer fools and their ignorance, and I’m not a member of the “Teach the Assholes of the Internet” how to use it. But THANK YOU for your totally necessary and topical reply to my comment. HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Katie says:
On the one hand, I’m really, really glad you don’t understand how severe these allergies are, because that means you haven’t experience it firsthand. On the other hand, your refusal to listen and learn is frustrating. It’s not about “staying away from peanuts” in many cases. There are some kids whose allergies are so severe that if someone is eating peanuts in the same air space as them, they will go into anaphylaxis. In case you are not familiar with that term, it is an allergic cascade that results in swelling of the major airways and will, if untreated, result in death. Death. Not a little itching or a runny nose. This is life or death. So how do we deal with this? Do we make these kids stay home so that other kids can have their preferred sandwich spread? Doesn’t that seem insane? You are saying that having peanut butter on a child’s sandwich is MORE IMPORTANT than another child’s LIFE. That’s literally the point you’re making. That a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is worth more than another child’s life. Do you really believe that? Because that’s what you’re arguing every time you continue to push forward with this position.
Deirdre says:
^^^Amen.
Heather B. says:
You seem nice.
Auntie_M says:
Heather Spohr, do you ever just shake your head after reading comments presented by (the original) Kelly and think, “Really? THIS person, THIS person who cares more about a sandwich than a child’s life, is choosing to follow MY blog?” Thanks again for highlighting this important issue!
To all you brave parents out there who let your child with a severe allergen even out of your sight in order to go to school, I salute you!
To all those parents who don’t have kids with these allergies but get how hard it must be and go out of your way to make even “just” lunch or snack time safer for someone else’s kid, I applaud you. And likewise those teachers, administrators, aides, cleaning staff, etc.
And bless the sweet, tender hearted kids who want to make their school safe for all their friends!
Heather says:
Yeah…These are people who’ve seen what my family has gone through with Madeline’s death, and they act like this. It makes me sad. I never want another family to go through the loss of a child.
meg says:
agree
Auntie_M says:
Oh!!! And good for Annie for “getting it” at such a young age!
Stephanie says:
My daughter has a severe sesame seed allergy. It’s pretty easy to avoid, so it hasn’t been an issue at school. However, I will never forget when she had the tiniest bite of hummus and her lips and tongue started swelling up. It was terrifying. Thank you for helping other kids.
Mary says:
This is so crazy. Who does this? It’s a minor inconvenience to so save someone’s life. Not a tough decision.
Kristen says:
I don’t have children, but I have nieces and nephews. One has a strawberry allergy it seems, although she is still under 2, so that may go away. However, I do have a comment about parents not thinking outside of themselves. Either of the ways I leave my house for work in the morning, I pass a school where there is of course a 15 mile an hour zone. Each day, even if I am late, I go the 15 miles an hour. Why? Because if I did have a child and because I am a decent human, I want to make sure that children are safe where I am driving. HOWEVER….every single day I have one or more cars that fly up the middle turn lane to pass me and turn into the school. That means that a parent or other guardian is driving over the speed limit to fly past me and get their child to school. I have been very tempted to contact the schools and ask them to remind their parents that the law applies to them as well. That they should be looking out for the safety of other children. That I do it despite not knowing a single child that attends the schools. Then I keep thinking that it wouldn’t do any good….but now that schools are back in session and it’s happening again, I might just have to make it a point to take it up with the schools.
Mommy says:
Bravo! My kids have no allergies that we know of, but in preschool we were nut free and we dealt with it. I don’t see what the big deal is!
In elementary, they allow peanut butter, at least for now, but have a peanut free table and no known air-borne allergies in the school. For my picky eater, this was good news. However, it still makes me nervous to pack PBJ or peanut butter for his apples. So, we save those foods for after school. And guess what? We are all ok! We send the other 5 things he will eat and he gets his PBJ as soon as he gets home. No one gets sick and he doesn’t starve! Yay!!
You and Annie have it all figured out. Love you guys!!
wan says:
Well, you got one. I wonder who else will pipe up.
Amy G. says:
I agree that it’s common courtesy to avoid sending in the allergen to school, but on the other side of the coin, my school aged nephew is type 1 diabetic. Peanut butter crackers are a huge “go to” for him if his blood sugar drops, and they were completely banned at his school for allergen reasons.
Annalisa says:
You can find other alternatives. You can always find other alternatives.
That’s the bottom line.
Jen says:
I’m not saying that there aren’t other alternatives to peanut butter and crackers for the above child, but your response was entirely lacking in sensitivity to that child’s medical needs.
For kids who are type 1, diabetic, the daily effort required to monitor food intake is pretty extensive. I can see how it could be frustrating for a parent with a kid medically fragile in that way, to have a convenient and pre-packaged food that is often used during a medical situation to be taken away.
Amy, maybe your nephew’s parents can talk to the school about the nurse in his school keeping foods like that on hand kept air tight in her office so that when a problem arises, he can be brought to the nurse quickly to get something.
Amy G. says:
My sister did request that he be allowed to have the crackers in the nurses office, but that idea was not allowed, and in the end she had to find alternative things to send. It was just a little scary for her at first because it meant trying to find something else that worked just as fast and as well for him to use in a setting where she could not be with him to monitor him.
Kris says:
My heart goes out to your sister and nephew. I’m the one with T1, and I often think how much harder this would be in one of my kids. (I was a teen when diagnosed). How the school handles hypoglycemia would be at the top of my list, for sure.
Kris says:
Thank you for your reply. It does seem that all other medical conditions related to food often get overlooked in these discussions. I have a friend who told me once that she couldn’t eat the PB & J sandwich she brought on a cross-country flight because of a person with peanut allergy…and then I wondered, what if it had been me? PB & J travels well, and as a T1 diabetic who might have relying on that for lunch, to be prohibited from eating it, might cause me possibly life-threatening problems as well. Not an inconvenience, but life threatening in a different way.
Heather says:
Does he have glucose tablets? I carried them when I had gestational diabetes (I often became hypoglycemic because of my hyperemesis) and they are great: http://amzn.to/1PZ8EXG
Amy G. says:
My sister says that he uses them only in emergencies, but he thinks they are “extremely gross.” Typical kid.
Heather says:
LOL. They’re definitely not as tasty as peanut butter crackers.
Kris says:
And they don’t have quite the same effect. Not trying to cause a fight, but the protein and fat in the peanut butter causes blood sugars to stay elevated for longer periods of time, which helps the person even out the hypoglycemic reaction. It’s not just getting the sugar up some days, but it’s getting it back up and having it stay up, which is what you are often trying to do.
But yeah, there are pre-packaged containers of cheese and crackers that I like, too.
Kris says:
How about cheese sticks? I know they need to be refrigerated, but they can have the same long-lasting effect that the peanut butter might have had. Gogurt or some other form of yogurt?
Amy G. says:
He doesn’t need to eat his emergency snack every single day, but he has to keep something at school just in case. I never said I wanted any child with a peanut allergy to be put at risk, but rather wanted to point out that some parents might heavily rely on peanut butter as much more than just a tasty treat.
Marie says:
Ok, so the answer to the dads question is..? I, too, would like to know if the peanut butter “dust” would stay in the cafeteria or room till the next day when the allergic child came.
I am 62, grew up on homemade school lunches. The cooks fed about 400 students every day with made from scratch food and we were always ready for it. We worked hard, played hard and by noon we were starving. Every day the cooks made a big dinner and served with that dinner were either Peanut butter and honey sandwiches or egg salad. Every day. No one back then had a peanut allergy. You have to wonder why so many kids nowadays do have that allergy. Would anyone have an answer to either of my questions?
Thank you,
Hugs from Minnesota
Marie
ldoo says:
Yah, it’s definitely odd that there are SO many deadly peanut allergies these days. Something about how peanuts are processed now…kids not having immunity to them because they were withheld at a young age…who knows. But it exists, so we have to deal with it. We can complain that life isn’t as it used to be, or we can face the truth. Peanut allergies are here now – so let’s all be considerate to that fact. Do unto others.
Heather says:
I also think that these allergies still existed back then, but they weren’t diagnosed, or we didn’t hear about them because there was no internet.
Katie says:
Or, the kids died and the cause was not understood.
Christine says:
https://www.foodallergy.org/facts-and-stats
50% increase in food allergies in children. That is staggering. Anaphylaxis is hard to miss so I doubt this is a case of missing or not understanding the diagnosis even if the cause of the reaction was unclear. I would think the anti-bacterial craze plays a role in it. A busy immune system is a happy immune system.
ldoo says:
Very true. So much these days seems new when, in fact, we just hear about it more.
Michelle says:
To answer your question about the dad’s question, no he should not send peanut butter even on days the allergic child is not there. Yes, peanut residue can remain. Peanut butter is sticky. Even when wiped up, it can leave a residue. Just touching it can be enough to trigger a reaction in some people. And little kids touch stuff and put their hands in their mouth. That could kill an allergic child.
Marie says:
Thank you Michelle, your answer was the most helpful. It really is strange that there are so many children with peanut allergies. And Katie, in our school no one died from allergies. So that probably proves that no one actually had a peanut allergy back then. And I don’t remember any of my kids having a classmate with an allergy either. My kids are 43, 39 and 33. So this could be something that is fairly recent, in the last 20-30 years. I find it so very strange that it’s now a deadly or possibly deadly allergy. It must have something to do with modern peanut butter or something. I am sure research is being done, but that won’t help the ones who are allergic now. Thanks for all the responses.
Hugs from Minnesota,
Marie
Heather says:
I am 36 and can remember at least two kids in my elementary school with peanut allergies.
Jen R. says:
I think that these types of food (and other) allergies have definitely been around for a long time AND ALSO are more common now. Maybe more often life-threatening now too?
Christine above mentioned the antibacterial craze and “A busy immune system is a happy immune system.”
That’s the “hygiene hypothesis,” which suggests something along the lines that peoples’ immune systems don’t have enough to do these days, so the immune systems find other (really unhelpful) things to do, giving rise to allergies, asthma, and other immune diseases. That’s probably oversimplifying it, but it’s the basic idea as I understand it.
I find this really interesting because I have (non-food) allergies and asthma myself, and I also would like to know how people can start to prevent these issues, since they have been more common and can be so terrible.
Recently there was a study that showed that kids who live in households that hand-wash dishes, as opposed to using a dishwasher, have fewer allergies.
A while ago there was a study that showed that kids who were raised with animals had fewer allergies than kids who were not.
I also believe there have been epidemiological studies showing that kids who are exposed to peanuts earlier in life developed an allergy significantly less often than kids who are not exposed. I also COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY AGREE that it should be kept out of schools for the sake of those who already have an allergy, and some kids are going to develop that allergy no matter what. But for a lot of kids I think they can actually be helped by eating peanut products at a young age at home, so that is something to keep in mind, as a lot of parents may be fearful now.
Also along those lines – someone else on this thread (Kelly, I think) linked to an opinion piece that was outrageous and offensive, and said something to the effect that these problems aren’t found in “places like Ecuador, etc.” but are only found in rich, “lefty” communities. OMG, I can’t even… but the argument to that is that they really AREN’T found as often in developing countries, but it has NOTHING to do with politics or people imagining allergies where there are none. It, again, has to do with kids’ immune systems/bodies having so much else to worry about in these other places in the world.
I remember seeing Anderson Cooper report on a product called Plumpynut, which was developed to combat malnutrition in really poor areas. Did anyone else see that? If I remember correctly, the product is mostly made of peanut butter, with some dry milk, vitamins, and sugar to help the kids put on some weight, and it was really helping so much where it was being used. It was being used by Doctors without Borders and at one point Anderson asked a doctor “What about peanut allergies?” and she basically was like “Ummm…yeah, we don’t have that here.” It was somewhere in Africa.
Jenny says:
Thank you for the comment. I’ve noticed the same thing and made the same attribution. It’s certainly interesting that PB is the preferred food to bulk up nutrition in developing countries but can have the opposite effect here. I’m not even going to click on an opinion article that attributes that to politics. The internet certainly brings to light the depths of stupidity.
I have a middle schooler. We do not have a nut-free school but we have nut-free tables. At this point, through various school, actiivity, social club and church functions, we have concluded that extreme allergies are a common occurence in his generation. It doesn’t matter whether they were common in my generation. This is what happens in his world. I’ve seen it, experienced it and I respect it. Therefore, we don’t send nut lunches or nut snacks to anything. We just don’t. My son doesn’t complain. This is his world, and he realizes that his lunch does not mean more than someone else’s life. Unlike some of these crazy adults, he doesn’t argue over his “right” to eat PB at school.
Laura says:
The first time I ever “met” a peanut allergy person was in 1999. It was my one year old son, we were at the emergency department and he was in anaphylaxis from the ice cream we fed him at his birthday party. Thankfully, they were able to stop the reaction before it was too late (we had no idea what was happening with him/no idea he had the allergy). He was the only peanut allergy kid that I personally knew for 10 years. Now, there are six little ones in our neighborhood with a confirmed peanut allergy. This problem is growing and it is terrifying. What is going on with our food supply?
Lisa says:
There was a lovely little girl in my daughter’s first preschool who had a number of food allergies, including severe peanut allergies. Our school was nut-free (and dairy-free, egg-free, mango-free, and strawberry-free), and it was not a big deal. Like you said, it’s a few hours a day, though we also agreed not to feed our kids nuts or eggs for breakfast before school to make extra-sure that nothing would be on their skin or clothing. Fortunately, there were no issues for that girl at our school, but she nearly died after picking up a snack some other child had dropped at the library (where NO snacks are supposed to be in the first place).
Seriously. This beautiful, sweet, vibrant girl nearly DIED. She has been hospitalized at least three times that I’m aware of, for multiple days at a time. It’s not a joke, it’s not about being offended, it’s not about convenience. Her poor parents (a doctor and an engineer) are so stressed by the fact that their only child could DIE that they ended up choosing to home school after preschool. The parents never cared much about cooking before, and now they make EVERYTHING from scratch because the tiniest bit of cross-contamination could kill their child. They’re scared to go to the library, to parks, to other people’s houses, anywhere that an allergen could have been smeared or dropped. It SUCKS.
I cannot imagine, on top of that stress, dealing with idiots who think that allergies are no big deal or worry about the hassle it might create for THEM. It’s only through pure luck that I’m not in their shoes, so I have no problem whatsoever doing my part to not kill their child.
Beth says:
Thank you
Deirdre says:
For anyone who is interested in learning more about food allergies or anaphylaxis, FARE (Food Allergy Research and Education) is a wonderful resource available at http://www.foodallergy.org . There’s lots of information for schools (what the laws are, protocol plans, tips on how to help teachers keep kids safe, etc) and for parents (the laws, new legislation, allergy action plans, working with your school, ADA, how to advocate for your child, etc).
Elise says:
I went to elementary school in the 1970s and did have kids in my class who had food allergies. There were no banned foods, the kids just didn’t eat the foods they knew they couldn’t have, eggs, milk and peanuts being the ones I remember about.
On a personal note, I’ve been gluten-free for medical reasons for 18 years and understand first hand how difficult it is to navigate a world that is full of things that make you sick. My household is not gluten-free, but my kids get it and always ask if food are “gluten or gluten-free” and are happy when I can eat things with them. I also have friends with food-allergic kids who choose to continue to have the foods that their kids are allergic to in their homes, and their kids are very aware of what they can/cannot eat at a very early age. If in doubt, don’t eat it is my motto.
We cannot create a world without risk, we just can’t. But we can empower our kids to educate themselves, speak up and advocate for their needs.
Make no mistake, the peanut-free tables at school exist soley so that the schools are protected. And I bet that no parent with an allergic kid is spared all worry about their child eating lunch at school because of them.
Annalisa says:
I like you people *sarcasm*. The “slippery slope people”. You eventually get to a point where you exclaim “Life is risk! What are you gonna do, put your kid in a bubble?” (not you, personally, just people who pull the “risk” card).
Let me put it to you another way.
“We cannot create a world without risk *of being hit by a car*, we just can’t. But we can empower our kids to educate themselves *about crossing the street on their own*, speak up and advocate for their needs *not to be hit by a car*”
Yes, nothing in life is without risk. Accidents happen. But the logical conclusion is to do nothing whatsoever to minimize that risk? Have fun telling that to the parent whose kid might be hit by a car. “Oh,we could have put a crossing light there, or a stop sign. It sure would slow the cars down. But hey, accidents happen. What’s important is that I can speed down main street whenever and however I want.”
So the peanut free people is the school covering their bases on liability. So what? It’s better than the alternative, and it really does not affect the kids who choose not to sit there.
Annalisa says:
Peanut free “table”. Golly G. Willikers!
Elise says:
I don’t think there’s any call to be unkind, is there? Share a different approach if you will, but I am sharing my experience that there is an alternate approach. It might not be right for you and your family, but it is for mine. Not all people with food allergies and intolerances feel protected by the allergen-free zones. Isolating kids with special needs into “safe zones” that are not keeping them safe in the bigger picture is not the answer I want for my kids, or the kids of those I love.
Annalisa says:
I agree with you on one thing: ideally, you should make schools peanut free, rather than settle for a “safe” zone. I’ve worked in school districts that used to do that (don’t know if they still do, since sometimes just the threat of a lawsuit is enough to make school districts back off), it was not a problem. In fact, banning peanut butter in the school district actually helped less the risk of accidental contamination. Kids could have sunflower butter instead, and most of the kids (the parents of course, did grumble here and there) didn’t really feel like there was such a big difference.
But again, it took the effort of all parents complying, or at least not hitting the roof if their kid’s snack ends up being confiscated (in one year we had ONE incident like that, the assumption was that it was an honest mistake, and everything was smoothed out).
Deirdre says:
I swear I’m not trying to hijack your blog, Heather, but this link by FARE just showed up in my Facebook newsfeed this morning and I thought it was timely since Halloween was brought up. I did the teal pumpkin project last Halloween and had a basket of pencils, bracelets, erasers, glow sticks etc in addition to regular candy. http://blog.foodallergy.org/2015/09/08/teal-pumpkin-project-2015-whats-new/ P.S. all this math to verify my comments is making my head hurt.
Annalisa says:
If I were the mom in your story, I would inquire which car was his so I could go slash his tires on my way out (just me, though).
File me in as the official “don’t get it”: when a school tells you “our school is peanut free”, why and how does someone’s brain tell them there is room for negotiation on the topic? As a teacher I’ve never questioned it. As a parent, who gives a damn about my kid being deprived of a peanut butter lunch?
Even if a kid will only eat a peanut butter sandwich with the crusts cut off or else, get creative. Tell your kid there was an explosion at the peanut butter factory, and that means there was no peanut butter to buy, anywhere. Tell them that if they can go to school with a nut butter sandwich and eat it, they get a cupcake when they get home. Bribe your kid with money. Do whatever works.
Above all, know that your goddamn kid is not gonna starve to death if they refuse to eat their peanut free sandwich. It’s one meal. Last I checked, starvation did not occur at one mere missed meal. *facepalm*
Annalisa says:
Sorry for the harsh language. Parents who make trouble just because they can are right down the list from “parents who don’t vaccinate their precious snowflake” under “brain donors – who resuscitated?”
Heather says:
Also, I think most parents don’t give their kids enough credit. If you tell your child, “You can’t have peanut butter because it could make your friend at school sick or even die,” THEY GET IT! Kids are really awesome. It’s the parents who suck.
Annalisa says:
Yeah. But suppose you have the one kid who just doesn’t care about anything other than his/her comfort(gee, I wonder who they would have gotten that attitude from?)? Get creative. Case closed.
Glenda says:
Annie is too cute! She can sit at the peanut free table because she doesn’t have a peanut butter sandwich! She’s so sweet!
Cristy says:
My son has a nut allergy. We’re, I suppose, what many would consider the “lucky” ones as the nut dust and sheer proximity to nut products doesn’t set him off. But, ingesting nuts does. He eats at the nut free table by choice and his school allows each child who eats there to bring a friend with them (provided their lunch is also nut free.) One of his friends actually sat her family down and read them the information sheet that went home with all kids about food allergies. Did I mention this was a 6 year old?!?! Kids are so understanding of this so it baffles me when adults aren’t.
Cheryl says:
My son’s school has completely banned peanuts and peanut butter the whole time he has been there (he started Preschool there) and he is now in 5th grade. So it hasn’t been a big deal for us not to pack anything with peanuts, it has been the norm his whole school life
CM says:
This brings up a memory from way back! 22(!)years ago when my son was in pre-school, he was highly allergic to “blue dye”(often in the juices at the time)the school knew ,HE knew, the other kids knew, all were careful ! One day another mom told me she and her son were shopping for their “snack day ” and he saw the juices she had picked out and yelled NO!!! NO BLUE JUICE!! Daniel can’t have it !! Kids , even pre-schoolers get it! Give them the chance to be aware and compassionate and they will be ! And it is obvious you have and your DARLING Annie is !
AR says:
Just thank you for this, Heather, and thank you for your mindset and understanding on this topic. I think it speaks volumes when a parent whose children have no allergies comes forward to ask for empathy and understanding, because often when a parent of a food allergic child does, there is an unfortunate undercurrent of perceived overreaction, drama, and “demands”. What you said about a child’s life vs. a sandwich is just so true at it’s core, but there are many folks who just don’t see it that way. Thank you for understanding something without direct experience with it, and thanks for putting that understanding forward in your blog. Our world needs more people who don’t see another person’s struggle as their inconvenience, but rather an opportunity to support, and learn, and help.
Daisy says:
This is also why people should NOT lie about food allergies to ensure they are not served foods they dislike at restaurants or group events. It dilutes the meaning of “allergy” and gives people room (in their minds at least) to argue that most allergies are not ‘severe’ – the bottom line is you should respect people with allergies and you should never lie about having them if you don’t.
Terri says:
This post makes me so sad. What is wrong with people. My daughter doesn’t have an allergy but because my cousins daughter does, I refuse to send peanut items to school. Her daughter is in a totally different school district but I just think what if! Kids touch everything, EVERYTHING. I can’t imagine how fearful I would be if my child was dealing with it. Our lunchroom even serves pbj.Common sense is severely lacking in our world today. You are exactly right! The kids are awesome, it’s the parents that ruin them into adulthood. So sad!!!
Jessica says:
I have an extremely picky eater. He won’t eat yogurt, cheese, anything cold that is supposed to be hot, etc. For lunch at school he only eats PB&J. We do not have a “nut-free” school so starting in kinder I sent PB&J so he would actually eat and gain weight (which he wasn’t doing). Then he met his best friend in 1st grade who is allergic to peanuts (consumption, not airborne, allergy). We tried MANY different lunches to move away from peanut butter. All came back full. He was getting no protein at all. So I started looking at alternatives to peanut butter. I tried those little packets of Justin’s Almond Butter. I swapped them out without telling him and he never noticed. So now it is almond butter and jelly sandwiches. I still send those wet wipes with him and he wipes his hands and mouth after eating the sandwich. We don’t pack any other peanut products either. He can have those granola bars at home as his after school snack. We also made sure that our little league doesn’t sell any peanut products at the snack shack anymore. It’s not completely nut free but it is peanut free. So I get the struggle some picky-eater, non-allergy parents have. But really, you can find alternatives. When a parent hands you an epi-pen and says “you need to stab this into the thigh of my child in case of emergency”, as they drop off their child for a play date you start to see things in a different light. They are just babies who didn’t chose this for themselves. And their parents certainly didn’t chose to be terrified every time their baby leaves the house. We can work together as loving parents.
Heather says:
You’re awesome for trying so many options!
Valeri says:
This is interesting to me. My little brother (he’s 11) has a mild peanut allergy, but a SEVERE almond allergy. You can definitely find alternatives, but sometimes those alternatives are equally dangerous to other children. After my experience with my brother, I’m okay to just avoid all nuts, just in case.
But as the mother of a picky toddler, I totally get what a nightmare it is trying to get your kid to just EAT.
Jessica says:
And that was my next worry, sending any type of nut-butter. But that is why he still brings wipes and diligently uses them after he eats (4th grade now). He totally gets it and has encouraged others to wash their hands as well, especially if they have peanut butter. We have a good friend whose child is horribly allergic to strawberries. So I moved away from strawberry jelly too. I think we should all try our best to keep everyone safe. And on a side note I laughed out loud as I typed “nut-butter”. I think I will start calling people who don’t try “nut-butters”.
Casey says:
I was wondering if anyone would mention their super picky eater – which is exactly what we had (and continue to have). my daughter’s preschool was completely nut free – not just peanut free…so we couldn’t even try the almond or cashew butter. She wouldn’t eat lunch meat, didn’t like sunbutter (neither did I to be honest – it’s pretty gross), and couldn’t take any alternatives. We tried cheese sandwiches, just jelly sandwiches, etc. And her lunchbox would come back full every time…she was so skinny and would just refuse to eat anything. The one thing we finally found was organic macaroni and cheese in a thermos. We would heat it up in the morning to BLAZING hot so that it would be at least lukewarm in her thermos by lunch. Sometimes she ate that Just wanted to mention this in case any other parents can’t send any nut butters and have a child that refuses to eat meat – perhaps try something warm in a thermos??
Valeri says:
That guy was doing you a favor. Now you know he’s the kind of douchebag who puts a minor inconvenience before the life of a child, and you always want to know who those people are so you can avoid them. He’s probably anti-vax, too.
Alexa says:
So, when my oldest daughter was in preschool, it was entirely nut free. No one in HER class had an allergy, but I assume other children in the school did. I sent sunbutter instead, and it was fine, but to my everlasting shame, I several times rolled my eyes telling people about it. In my defense, it was the sort of place where practically every (NON ALLERGIC) child was on some sort of special diet, and I honestly had no idea that microscopic residue–maybe in common areas, or the bathroom or on the playground–could cause a severe allergic reaction. Now I know, and my daughter is in elementary school, and even as a parent of a non-allergic child, I find the fact that the school is not peanut free a bit terrifying. Everyone worries about their children, but just *imagining* what it is like for parents of children with life-threatening allergies is exhausting. My daughter has some food issues and peanut butter is one of the few things she will eat, but keeping it out of her lunches is a ridiculously small price to pay when the stakes are this high. Of COURSE they will all have to learn to navigate the world on their own, eventually. But while they are still, briefly, small enough for us to offer some bit of extra protection, what on earth is the downside of doing so?
Heather says:
Exactly! I say it’s like having a crossing guard – yes, I am teaching my daughter to look both ways before she crosses the street, but we still have a crossing guard at school for that extra layer of protection.
Deirdre says:
Alexa, thanks for this: “keeping it out of her lunches is a ridiculously small price to pay when the stakes are this high. Of COURSE they will all have to learn to navigate the world on their own, eventually. But while they are still, briefly, small enough for us to offer some bit of extra protection, what on earth is the downside of doing so?” I’ve followed you on your blog and Twitter for years so it’s nice hearing this from a voice I “recognize” if that doesn’t sound too weird
.
Melissa says:
I think it’s crazy how many allergies there are now… when we were kids there wasn’t a nut free table. I don’t think I even knew one person allergic to nuts! I feel so bad for the kiddos that have to sit at the nut-free table. Really, they should just ask everyone not to bring nuts/peanut butter/whatever. It’s really not that hard. There are tons of other (probably more healthy) alternatives. And if you insist on feeding your kid peanut butter I think they make peanut free peanut butter on Amazon. But for goodness sake make your kid a bologna and cheese sandwich and be done with it. My baby is only 3 months old but heaven help me if he is allergic to peanut butter and someone’s parent is as rude as that Dad. That poor Mom!
JoAnn says:
Here’s the thing: Why is it something to even argue? We’re talking about life threatening reactions! Is it THAT HARD to make a lunch or snack without the allergen? Parents want to say it’s because they’re standing up for their own child who doesn’t have an allergen, but come on: It’s frankly laziness. You just don’t want to find an alternative for your child. When did we stop being responsible for one another? When did the well being of your neighbor, or classmate, or community partners become too much to bear? When did we become the kind of people I dislike, that are intolerant and take the time out of their day to kvetch about PEANUT BUTTER? Sheesh.
Marie says:
My son, who also has autism has a deadly allergy to high fructose corn syrup, all fruit concentrate, oats and certain tree nuts. The only sandwich he can eat and will eat is a peanut butter sandwich with no jelly. It would be insane to ask the school and parents to ban every apple, pear and juice box that would come into the school. I work with my son and he knows what he can and can’t have, my son isn’t a special snowflake and neither is this ladies daughter. If her allergy is really this severe she needs to look into homeschooling and allergy shots.
Heather says:
If your son was in my daughter’s class, you’d better believe I’d never send anything to school he was allergic to.
Michelle says:
There is no such thing as allergy shots for peanut allergy. The only “treatment” is avoiding the allergen. And it is the LAW for each child to be provided a public education. No one can be forced to home school because of an allergy or disability (as you should know). To keep allergy kids safe, the school makes accommodations, whether you like it or not. Perhaps you should home school. Then you could feed your kid whatever you want.
Deana says:
Agree 100% The world will never be nut free…these allergy parents are selfish.
Heather says:
Wait – allergy parents are selfish for not wanting their children to DIE? I’m flabbergasted by this comment.
Jordan says:
yes, they are absolutely selfish, asking people to not bring a food that could KILL THEIR CHILD. You are a joke.
If it kept a CHILD from DYING, I’d do whatever the hell they asked. NO QUESTION.
Sorry Heather, but people are assholes.
Rachel says:
Thank you so much for this. I am a 21-year old college student and have a severe nut allergy (thankfully, only consumption-based). I’m so glad schools are putting procedures like this in place to protect young students. I’ve been on high-alert about what I ingest for as long as I can remember, but I’ve still had many scary encounters. My elementary school never had a nut-free policy or even a nut-free table. I have memories of people handing out peanut butter cookies/cupcakes for birthdays or class parties and having to rush to the nurse’s office to feverishly take Benadryl, because I knew I was having a reaction.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t get much better in middle or high-school, and I really hope that policies start to change. In fact, during my first week of freshman year at college, I had a severe reaction to a chicken dish in the dining hall because the food wasn’t marked properly (it ended up having cashews in the sauce, but failed to say so). My throat started to close up, I was terrified, three hours away from home, and I had to spend the night in the hospital because of it.
Looking back, I know I should have asked what was in the food, but when little changes that are SO SIMPLE could be made to save lives, it makes me upset. I really don’t like being an inconvenience, but putting peanut butter donuts on a different tray than non-nut ones or adding descriptions to entrees on menus could really prevent some LIFE OR DEATH situations. I don’t know how people or parents with kids that have an airborne allergy aren’t petrified every time they eat a meal, but thank you so much for advocating for this. People need to realize that there’s nothing more important than safety, and if adults with allergies can still slip-up and have terrifying reactions, little kids can’t be expected to protect themselves.
zchamu says:
There are two kinds of people in this world:
People who believe peanut butter is their god given right goddammit;
People who realize that their kid having peanut butter at school could kill another child.
I don’t even understand why this is a debate. Find something else to feed your kid for lunch.
JoAnn says:
Agreed!!! We overcomplicate such simple things in this country, turning everything into a lengthy debate. It’s a PB&J sandwich- if it’s not permitted? Make something else!
Jenny says:
The people in the first category seem to have a very long list of all of their god-given rights. I assume they’re the same people who don’t wait in lines, don’t obey traffic rules and don’t stay out of the ICU when they’re sick as a dog. “Rules are for other people” is probably on their bumper.
ANNOYED! says:
WHY IS IT MY JOB TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID? IF IT’S SUCH AN ISSUE WHY DON’T YOU HOMESCHOOL? WHEN YOU DECIDED TO BRING A CHILD INTO THE WORLD YOU DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF THAT CHILD! THAT INCLUDES MAKING SACRIFICES!! IT’S NOT MY JOB TO SACRIFICE FOR YOU KID IF YOU AREN’T WILLING TO KEEP THEM SAFE BY KEEPING THEM HOME!
Heather says:
You seem nice.
Amy says:
As a parent of a child with multiple food allergies, thank you so much for this post.
Franny says:
Thank you for posting this! My little guy has major food allergiesand people need to hear more about this. Food allergies are not just made up and can be very serious. Annie is 100% right – we should all follow her motto. #agressiveallergymama#thisguyisluckyiwasn’tsittingnexttohim
Jeanie says:
Annie is smarter than a lot of grownups. Sad to say, but there you have it.
Stephanie says:
It’s not even the peanut allergies but also the lasting effect when a kid gets sick from these allergies. My 3-year-old nephew, who has a nut-allergy, was with his nanny when she gave him a bite of her Pad Thai not realizing that Pad Thai is cooked with peanuts. He started choking and was taken away in an ambulance and rushed to the ER. He’s fine now, but the experience traumatized him so much that it was weeks before he would even eat food.
Shaynee says:
At my kids’ school the nut-free tables are open to (and occupied by) anyone whose lunch is safe. Lots of kids sit there. At this time we do not have kids with airborne-allergies, only consumption-based, and the policy regarding foods that can come to school are revisited yearly and enforced on a by-classroom basis.
Somewhat related–when my daughter was in preschool (where one parent brought and prepared snack in the classroom for the whole class each day) I recall that owing to special diets (but not allergies) we were struggling to find egg-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, vegetarian snacks, with at least one of the four snack items being high in protein. That was challenging. Only so many kids will eat beans.
Jessi says:
Completely agree with you Heather. We had a child at one of the schools here that their reaction was so bad that just being in the same lunch room with it killed the child. I had no issue when the county issued a no peanut rule.
I wish more parents thought like Annie does
Kelly says:
Like most things, it’s (usually) not the kids who have the problem with the rules– it’s the parents.
Laurie says:
My son has no allergies, but when he was in high school he sat at the peanut-free table most of the time, so as to sit with his friend who has a allergy.
I think it’s fine for Annie to sit there (as long as there’s room) and keep the other kids company.
Gwensarah says:
I don’t have any food allergies but what I DO have is a bee sting allergy. I have about 30-45 seconds to stab myself with an epi-pen before my airway starts to close..anaphylaxis is terrifying and no joke so I’ve never included nuts in any of my son’s lunches in elementary school (he’s in HS now so lunches aren’t my division anymore) just in case there was a kid allergic to peanuts or tree nuts. We can have our Nutella/peanut butter/almond butter/ect at home. Preventing a bee sting is entirely up to the bee, preventing a kid from having a nut reaction is entirely up to us.
PS I wasn’t told there would be math
Sara says:
Thank you for sharing this on your blog today. As the mother of a child with a PN allergy it can be very frustrating and scary when dealing with other parents. *Knock on wood* my son is in 2nd grade and we have had very understanding parents so far. Some have even gone out of their way to bring him his own special treat when bringing treats for the class to celebrate a birthday, etc. (His class is PN free but he will not eat snacks that he is unsure of or homemade)
Mary Ann says:
Why would anyone ever take the chance to hurt another human being, especially an innocent child by being so selfish. Peanut allergies are real – children and adults die from them every single day.
Deena says:
That dad was a complete jerk! My daughter wouldn’t eat anything but peanut butter for two years. Luckily, she’s branched out in second grade. She has a classmate now with a peanut allergy and the teacher has asked that no food with peanut butter or made in a factory with peanuts be brought into the class unless they stay locked up until lunchtime in the cafeteria. They have snack in the classroom in the afternoon, so it needs to be safe for him. He eats at a “tree nut free” table which should actually read “tree nut/peanut free” because peanuts are not a true nut, but a legume, but I know they have similar characteristics to each other. The cafeteria also serves PB&J. Anyways, I have no problem with not packing anything with peanut butter to keep any child safe and my daughter nows that. She even ate lunch with him when she knew she had a safe lunch because he was sad he was by himself. Kids can be so kind. When do they learn not to be? And some adults are just so not!
Heather says:
Unkind kids usually have unkind parents.
Deena says:
True. I also know that if my daughter did know someone in her class/school with a peanut allergy those two years when she would only eat PB, she would’ve given it up.
And, BLAST, I wrote “nows” instead of “knows!” I hate that!
Casey says:
Oh see, I don’t see the dad in this post as a complete jerk at all. (Maybe he is, but we don’t have enough info.) I can honestly see anyone asking this question realistically. We’ve heard from parents with autism, diabetes, and other food issues – for those kids, I think it’s reasonable to at least ask “is it okay for me to send peanut butter on the days your kid isn’t there?” If it’s not okay, that’s fine…but that’s why he asked. I think better to ask and learn than to just do whatever you want without realizing the consequences. I didn’t think of that dad as a jerk at all – I’m glad he asked! It gave everyone a learning opportunity.
Deena says:
You know, you’re right. I went back and read what Heather wrote again. I interpreted it the first time differently, as in he was being indignant and it was a totally innocent question. One I might’ve even thought of myself. I must’ve confused it with some of these other responses. Thanks!
Heather says:
No, you were right the first time. He was being indignant – and the teachers had already asked EVERYONE to not bring nuts.
Jenny says:
On the plus side, running a public blog and encountering Internet treasures and trolls has likely prepared you for the diversity of thought that you will encounter with fellow classroom parents.
I hope I’m in the treasure column.
Heather says:
you KNOW you are!!
Casey says:
Oh well dang. I was trying to give the dude the benefit of the doubt
Heather says:
He was. But even beyond that, the teachers had, just 30 seconds earlier, asked everyone to not send nuts.
Jordan says:
full disclosure: I 100% agree with you, it is NOT worth a child’s life to send peanut butter/peanut products. So glad Annie gets it. If a LIFE is at stake, why would you play with chance? I don’t get it.
However, I have a (possibly ignorant) question: Is peanut/peanut butter the only severe airborne allergy? I have seasonal allergies, but no food allergies so I don’t know. I never see any other allergy-triggering foods mentioned besides nuts.
Again, I 100% agree with you, I’m just curious if there are other things kids/people tend to be so severely allergic to.
Heather says:
I was hoping someone with knowledge would chime in. Re: airborne, I think yes? But other allergies can be just as severe.
Jordan says:
It’s all good. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter, I was just curious.
I was thinking about airborne vs. consumption. I never realized how airbone peanut allergies were til I got to high school– a girl in my choir class was deadly allergic, my teacher banned food from our classroom when she was in it (if we had a lunch/lunchbox we had to have it in our backpacks or in the closet). If we had a party of somesort, we couldn’t bring anything with nuts. It was a minor inconvenience to us, but no big deal– it kept her safe.
I’m fairly allergic to pollen and mosquito bites (all bug bites, really). So, I stay inside as much as possible if the pollen index is high (yes, I’m probably one of the few that pays attention to that when they show the weather on the news) and if I’m going outside when its peak time for mosquitos etc, I wear long clothes and put bug spray on.
These are minor inconveniences most of the time, but they keep me healthy (my allergies are nowhere near deadly, PTL). Sending something like peanut products is so flabbergastingly MINOR, I don’t understand why people wouldn’t just leave it at home to keep a child safe? Crazy how something so simple could jeoperdize a life, yet people still see it as no big deal. Losing a life over a food that can be easily kept at home? A HUGE DEAL.
Gah. I just don’t get selfishness! THIS IS FIXABLE! THERE IS A SOLUTION! Why can’t we work together to keep them safe, instead of deny it’s a problem and put kids’ lives at risk? It makes no sense to me.
Now my kid-less allergy-less self will quit asking rhetorical questions and calm down.
Jocelyn says:
Thanks for posting this, Heather. You should check out FARE: http://www.foodallergy.org/
My friend had to MOVE HER FAMILY to a new school district because the one her severely peanut-allergic son previously attended repeatedly acted with nonchalance instead of vigilance. It sounds extreme, but if you’d heard the stories and seen past photos of his reactions, you’d move your family, too.
Kindergartners are smarter than most people give them credit for, but they are KINDERGARTNERS and they count on adults to look out for them.
Now, I’m an adult who loves peanuts and peanut butter but I would forgo that to save a life, no question. NO QUESTION.
Jolene says:
This makes me angry. I thank God that my daughter who just started preschool doesn’t have a nut allergy because parents like that Dad would make me worry sick every day. The preschool I started my daughter to is nut-free. Honestly, I was a little worried since my daughter is also a picky eater and I can always count good ole PB&J to have her eat. She also loves Kind Bars which are full of nuts. I stress about my daughter eating enough. She’s a thin little girl. But I would NEVER, EVER send something to school that would put a child in danger. I always put myself in that parents shoes. What if that were my child? We need to stick together as parents and protect our children. I bought Sun Butter and didn’t tell her. She ate that so I safely send Sunbutter and Jelly sandwiches to school and leave the Kind Bars for a home snack. Some people are ridiculous I swear. I even found a mistake on their Emergency Pack suggestion list. They listed “peanut butter crackers” on there and questioned the Director. She thanked me for catching that. I would hate to put any child in danger, especially with something so easily avoidable.
Jess says:
Absolutely agree. No one’s LIFE is worth a sandwich. My college roommate had (and still does have) a severe tree nut allergy. The time she had to go to the emergency room was because she ate what had always been a safe food – egg rolls – but for some reason had been dressed up and that time included almonds. She had to spend the night in the hospital.
By the way, the people who complain about not having their precious pb&j lunches are probably the same ones who leave horrific comments on stories like the gut-wrenching one where a teenager made a simple mistake (grabbed a cookie in the dark) and DIED from the nuts in it. People were blaming the teen for not being more responsible. “Guess she should’ve paid attention.” Seriously? One slight oversight and they think the reasonable consequence is DEATH? Smh.
Valerie says:
Watching this from a distance as a)a non-parent, and b) thankfully, not an allergy sufferer. All I can say is that if the shoe were on the other foot, MOST of these complainers would be the FIRST to defend their own kids… SO SIMPLE!!
REK981 says:
My daughter had a classmate who I knoew had a server allergies to dairy, wheat, and soy but I wasn’t aware of her nut allergy until we were on a field trip and I was carrying her allergy pack and asked her about all her allergies. I felt like such a jerk and wasn’t happy that her classmates weren’t made aware of all her allergies. Not just food related, but many others. We had an overnight field trip last year and the food director at the camp took a random vacation and didn’t leave any guidance for her food prep! All the teachers and parents were livid and a couple ended up going into the kitchen to prepare food for her. I am happy to accommodate any allergy – I even lock up my pets and do extra cleaning when we have guests that have cat or dog allergies. It take minimal effort on my part to keep others safe and well. Worth it.
Terry says:
This story could have been about me, as a mom with a son with a severe peanut allergy it is one of my biggest fears that he will ingest or come into contact with them. This year my son went away to college and we jumped through all the school’s paperwork as to his medical condition so that he would be paired with roommates that wouldn’t eat nuts and yet the school after all was done did nothing. I as a his parent and biggest advocate contacted his roommates and asked if they would be willing to not eat or have nuts in their shared room. They were great and fine, my son has taught them how to use his auvi-q pen and so far all is good. Now I get to be concerned about the next step which is all the alcohol’s that contain nuts.
Deirdre says:
I’m a long way off from this, but my fear with college is alcohol lowering inhibitions/mental processes and my son not being nearly as careful about what he eats once he’s been drinking (obviously, abstaining from alcohol would be the best thing, but…I remember college. It’s not likely.)
Wendy Constantinoff says:
My adult daughter has an allergy to peanuts that didn’t occurr until she was nearly 19 and had just finished her 1st year at uni. Two days running on her tea break at her summer job she ate snickers bars and ended up with asthma attacks. She thought it was a coincidence since nothing like this had happened before. Almost 20 years on the problem is much worse as peanut oil is a hidden ingredient in many manufactured foods or an ingredients that belong to the same family are used. So food labels have to be checked on every shopping trip. If anyone had seen the state she was in when her husband rushed her to the hospital one night by car as the ambulance would’ve taken too long they might think twice before sending peanuts to school. Most of her students know about her allergy but everynow and again one forgets. Transference from hands to keyboard and then my daughter having to sort something out for that student’s computer can set off an attack.
How can some people be so selfish surely their little treasure could go without a peanut butter sandwich until they get home.
Lauren G says:
I agree that peanut allergies can be dangerous and as a parent I would never put another child’s life in danger, if asked not to. We are allowed to send nuts to school with the kids, but not for the classroom and I would never allow Amanda to eat a snack in the classroom with nuts. If something is dangerous, that is it. At her last day camp they said no nuts of any kind. That was it. I get it. I do want to say however that sometimes some of the bans can get very frustrating. At this same camp, they also banned hummus because of a sesame seed or chick pea allergy and EGGs because of an egg allergy. At this point what was left for me every day was cream cheese and tuna (which my daughter HATES). We don’t eat cold cuts in my house. I was not yet savvy enough to think about hot food in a container like I often pack now. So I was a little frustrating. What if a child was allergic to dairy or fish?? What can be packed for lunch? So at Some point I think we do have to make some decisions and have to decide what is truly life threating and what is a mere annoyance (like a rash) and also how likely it is that a child will be affected. Sometimes there is very little danger involved but the camps or schools don’t want a law suit. I hope every ones kid has a safe and happy school year.
Deirdre says:
I agree with you: we live in a litigious society and sometimes institutions go over the top to avoid liability. My kids previously had milk, egg and soy allergies in addition to their peanut allergies. They wound up outgrowing everything but the nut allergy. Each kid with allergies is different in terms of severity and reaction type, which makes it difficult to have a “one-size-fits-all” allergen policy. However, in my experience, there was no need for bans on dairy, egg and soy because those allergies tend only to be consumption-based, unlike nut allergies which can be
airborne.
Stephanie says:
One of my cousins is severely allergic to peanuts. When he was in pre-school, he went into anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital because his teacher had the children making “bird houses” with peanut butter and bird seed. The school was not peanut free at the time, but his classroom was supposed to be. He nearly died and he didn’t even participate in the activity, just got some peanut butter on his hands from the bathroom door handle. It IS that serious.
As little kids, my brother and I knew that when he came over we could not have peanut butter sandwiches, and we needed to ask my mom before grabbing a snack to make sure it was safe for him to be around. It wasn’t an inconvenience to us. We just wanted him to be safe. Kids are so understanding of others. A simple explanation is all it takes.
Jaelithe says:
Please let your daughter keep sitting at the peanut-free table, as long as her lunch is nut-free. It’s “for” the kids with peanut allergies, but they don’t want to sit alone. Trust me: they spend far too much time sitting alone.
Heather says:
Oh, I told her it’s okay to sit there if the yard duties allow it! She just thought it was for a fun thing, like not having nuts, instead if something more serious, and I wanted her to understand its purpose.
Katrina says:
If my child could seriously die just from inhaling peanut dust, I think I would homeschool him/her. Because to put a trust like that in strangers (all the parents of a very crowded public school) to not pack any peanut products in their child’s lunches….that’s just too risky. What if a child went to sleep at grandma’s house and in the rush of things that grandma forgot the rule when packing the child’s lunch the next morning? And then that child ate a sandwich or a cracker that had peanut butter, without thinking about it? And my child was sitting next to this child? I don’t know, I personally do not think I could risk it. That’s putting a lot of trust in others to keep my child not only “safe” but ALIVE. Frankly, I don’t trust people that much. People get busy, people forget, people go on vacations and leave their kids with others who then might forget the peanut rule when packing lunches. Maybe I’d homeschool until my kids were older, like old enough to carry their own epi pens and know how to use them. We can say that it takes a village, but really…we the parents are the ones who are solely responsible for our children. We can *ask people to keep our kids safe, but can we completely depend on them? No. That being said, our preschool has an automatic no peanut rule. My kids have been going there for years. I have no problem not packing peanut products because there are a bajillion other things out there that my kid can eat…happily…besides peanut products. So I personally don’t have a problem with this rule. But if it were ME and my child could DIE from touching a peanut product, or the hands of a friend who just had a peanut product, or the table that just had a peanut product on it, then I would choose to homeschool until my child is of the age to fully understand and carry around his/her own epi pen. I know there are others who can’t homeschool for various reasons…I know. I’m just saying this is what I would do. I think it would be better than sending my kid to school each day, worrying about a damn peanut sneaking in.
Jordan says:
Not everyone has the means to do that, though. In an ideal world, I’d absolutely agree.
A rule is a rule is a rule. If one of those things happened, hopefully the child would be aware and bring it to attention to someone (as we see by Annabel, they are very aware of the effects this could have ).
Katrina says:
I agree. I’m just saying that if my child could DIE if a parent should *forget and pack a peanut in his child’s lunch bag….then I wouldn’t take that risk. I know others don’t have a choice in the matter and MUST send their child to school. How hard that must be, to depend on other’s choices (or forgetfulness) to keep their child alive. I couldn’t imagine it. Of course, in an ideal world, NO ONE would forget and pack a peanut, if people were perfectly responsible. But they are not. A Snickers bar could find it’s way into a child’s lunch bag, easily. But in an ideal world, that wouldn’t happen.
Megan says:
I wanted to add a perspective that I don’t think I’ve seen in these comments. When I was a kid, my mom worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, and we were on a VERY tight food budget. Peanut butter and snacks with potential peanut contamination (like cheap granola bars) were what we could afford for lunch and snacks. We often packed them for road trips in addition to school/work, so our car was probably covered in nut dust. The other nut butters/peanut butter substitutes I’ve seen come with a considerably higher price point. Additionally, peanut butter is still provided by the WIC program as a source of protein.
It’s not such a big deal when you’re packing for 2.5 hours of preschool, true, but when a kid gets to middle/high school and might be away from the house for 7-10+ hours including after-school activities, you need protein options that can go in a lunchbox.
I’m not saying this justifies sending in peanut butter when you know a kid has an allergy. I went to school in the 80’s/90’s, and if anyone was allergic to peanuts, I didn’t know about it. I had no idea that touching a table that peanuts had touched, or breathing in peanut dust, could kill someone. If we’d been told someone had an allergy or if the school had banned peanuts, we could and would have made adjustments.
What I am saying is that for some families, a few extra bucks a week toward peanut/nut/allergen alternatives could be the difference between paying rent on time and not. And making homemade, nut-free snacks is more than a minor inconvenience to someone who already works 80 hours a week to make ends meet. If your kid is attending a school where a lot of kids come from working class/poor families, keep this in mind when you hear resistance to nut-free rules. I don’t have a great solution for this, except for schools to provide lists of reasonable and affordable peanut alternatives.
Heather says:
I definitely agree this is an issue, and I mentioned it in my post, along with some links to alternatives at different price points!
Jen says:
In many many cases, if a family’s income is so limited, that providing alternatives to weekly lunches could make the difference with paying rent, then those children would qualify for federally funded free school lunch.
I work in foster care…every child in foster care is entitled to a free lunch at school regardless of their foster parents income, many poverty stricken school districts provide free lunch to ALL their students because the district meets federal guidelines even if individual students do not, and I’m pretty sure the income guidelines for individuals are lower than they are for WIC.
Although I do get your point…
A Jones says:
First of all, thank you for using your “internet” voice for those of us that can’t or aren’t heard as loudly as you are. I too have a child (5 now) with life threatening allergies to egg, dairy and nuts. My heart melts at the kindness of your Annie, especially since we’ve rarely encountered such consideration where my daughter is concerned. I will say I am very different when it comes to my daughter’s allergies in that I have never imposed her allergies onto someone else (ask that they not bring this or that), nor do I care for the idea of an allergy table (provides a false sense of security she won’t find anywhere else and it also contradicts everything we teach her). My daughter was diagnosed at 9 months old after a severe reaction to a tiny bite of yogurt. It was then that it became my job as her parent to teach her how to navigate a world full of her allergens, not shelter her from the harsh reality of it all. I remember leaving the allergist scared to death by her diagnosis and not knowing which way to go. I swore my child would never feel that way about her allergies no matter what I had to do. Unfortunately I quickly learned, people like the dad you mention in your post are the norm. In fact, my sister in law is the same way and heck, we’re family! None the less, the truth of the matter is my daughter doesn’t know life any other way. Just like learning to walk and talk, we’ve taught her how to manage her allergies. I know you are thinking I am putting a lot of confidence in a five year old but the truth is, she is ultimately responsible whether I want her to be or not. Her food allergy diagnosis decided that for her! I can’t be there all day every day, and I certainly DO NOT trust strangers to look after my child’s well being when it comes to food because too many people, like the man you post about, lack a true understanding of food allergies and their severity. Their ignorance will always be a risk to my child so instead of fighting a losing battle ignorant person after ignorant person, I choose to prepare my child for battle so to speak. In all honesty, she can probably explain and manage her allergies better than I can. Regardless, I would love (and so would my daughter) to have someone like Annie in her class to help make her burden a little easier to bear. You are doing a great job teaching your daughter about being compassionate and considerate of others. Thank her for us and thank you too!!
Margie says:
My Godson was allergic to milk and eggs for the first 3 years of his life but only if consumed. His entire mouth would break out in an awful rash. He outgrew it. I developed a pistachio allergy as well as Naproxen allergy and while I can touch it, I have to be vigilant about the Naproxen one because my doctor (!) prescribed me a low dose aspirin but the pharmacy picked up on it. I just break out in hives but it’s not deadly. I dunno. I don’t want to find out. But come on, how hard is it to NOT take peanut butter to school. You mean to tell me that there is NO other alternative to eat? Sigh.
Shea says:
I think the fact that this is a debate at all is solely due to parents. Kids, like Annie, are unselfish and uncomplicated enough to get it. I remember in third grade a new girl at my school had a severe peanut allergy and a note was sent to parents. The conversation basically went like this:
Mom: No more PBJ for lunch.
Me: Why?
Mom: because Sarah can get very sick just from peanuts being near her.
Me: Oh, OK.
Nothing else needed to be said — if Sarah could get sick from peanuts, I didn’t need to eat peanuts.
Adrianne says:
This is such a tricky topic. It’s not tricky to not send PB, that’s simple. And shouldn’t even be a second thought if the need is there. But allergies are out of control and only getting worse. I would have zero problems not sending peanut butter in my daughter’s lunch, but avoiding all things peanut is a little bit harder. My neighbor’s daughter has a mild peanut allergy, and I’ve learned a lot. Once I suggested a restaurant to her and she replied that she would need to check to see if they used peanut oil on their fryers. That NEVER would have occurred to me. My point is that for severe allergies, just restricting PB won’t be enough. And that’s scary as hell. Not only to be the parent of the allergic kid, but also the potential contaminater because you didn’t realize that something you packed was processed in a facility with peanuts. And what happens when these deadly allergies start happening with more foods?! What happens when one kid has a deadly allergy to eggs (nothing baked), another to peanuts, another to soy (soybean oil is everywhere!), etc. So while I wholeheartedly agree with you, I also fear for what’s next. We need to figure out what’s causing all of this and work toward prevention in addition to working toward keeping those safe who are already impacted. And as much as I hate to say it, at some point it becomes quite a lot to ask of all parents to avoid all allergens and ALSO any foods that might have been processed in the same facility. And that’s coming from someone who reads the ingredients on EVERYTHING. But sadly most people don’t. Anyway, I’m rambling now. My thoughts are jumbled, so I apologize if this comment is all over the place!
Linnae says:
Great article and great comments. My kids don’t have peanut allergies, but my friend’s son has a consumption allergy. When he would come to our home the pb never came out of the cupboard and I washed the counters well before he came, just to be safe. One year I made rosettes at Christmas and sent some home with them to enjoy. Guess what? Little boy had a reaction because I fried them in PEANUT OIL. I was mortified!!!!!!!!!!!!! They caught it right away and it didn’t become life threatening (epi pin close by) but I felt like an absolute and complete moron. I am completely clueless how people couldn’t care. Nothing matters more to me than my kids (grown up now) … and your kids too.
Jessica says:
Please note that your milk/yogurt and strawberry examples are misleading or at least don’t illustrate the crux of the problem. Most children who have allergies to dairy and strawberries have what is called intolerances. These are not life threatening as nut allergies can be. Yogurt and strawberries also do not have particles that release in the air. Nor do they stick to water fountains, faucets, and hall passes in the same way. Additionally, many more children outgrow dairy and egg “allergies” by age 5. Nut allergies are usually life long and cumulative — repeated (even minor) exposures can build and make the patient more allergic. I have been reading so many well meaning blog posts on this topic surrounding allergies and building “empathy” around them, but people need to get their facts straight so they cannot use the argument of — well there would be too many foods to ban to make everyone safe. Not true. Nuts & Shellfish (only that does not seem to be a food people send young children to school with) are more serious.
Heather says:
I mentioned yogurt and strawberries because those are two of the things my daughter has in her lunch every single day.
Ellj says:
I understand the point you’re trying to make. Intolerances are not at all like allergies. I take issue with the strawberries, though. That is a not uncommon *allergy*. Three people in my family are deathly allergic, just like a consumptive nut allergy. And, while they won’t go into anaphylactic shock by touching them, they will break out in hives. It is also lifelong and cumulative. And while they are easier to avoid than nuts, you’d be surprised how often accidental exposure to them occurs (jam is sticky!) Nut allergies are very dangerous and should absolutely be taken seriously. That does not mean they are the only life threatening allergy. (Please note, I am in no way saying strawberries must also be banned from schools.)
Skye says:
Thank you for this post, Heather. I’m 28 and allergic to peanuts (and also other nuts, though that only started in high school so I didn’t have to deal with it as a young kid). When I was in elementary school, there was not as much awareness of food allergies and it was up to me to avoid peanuts as much as possible. Thankfully it was mostly consumption-based and I didn’t have any serious airborne reactions (I have gotten itchy eyes and sneezing from airborne peanuts though). Kids would offer me peanuts as a dare, not understanding how bad it was for me to eat them. No harm was meant; they just were not aware. I am glad to see that most parents and teachers now have much better awareness of how to protect kids with food allergies! I would love to see a brief presentation on food allergies at the beginning of the school year in EVERY classroom because as you pointed out, kids are compassionate and if they understand the risks to their friends, they can help them avoid exposure.
Adelaide says:
I have been a teacher for over ten years, and Heather- I completely agree with you about kids being awesome. Time and time again, the parents’ attitudes shock and disgust me, while the kids’ warm my heart. The 2012/2013 school year, one girl in my class had minor nut allergies- her throat would swell from consumption, but not enough that she couldn’t breathe- and another was severely allergic to peanut butter (but not actual peanuts. Not sure how that worked… maybe something to do with the way they are processed into peanut butter).
Anyway, the situation was explained to the children and parents, and most were absolutely fine. Several parents kicked up a fuss about the ‘no peanuts’ rule, but begrudgingly accepted. One parent, however, would not. She said her son was a picky eater, he was already barely in the 10th percentile weight category for a five year old, he only liked peanut butter sandwiches, etc. etc. EVERY SINGLE DAY for almost three weeks, this parent’s son would come to school and lo and behold, he’d have a peanut butter sandwich. Except, guess what he’d do? Every morning without being asked or prompted, outside the class, he’d hand me his sealed container with the sandwich in it, and I could usually find something he’d agree to eat from the cafeteria. Sometimes I couldn’t find anything he’d like (he really was a terribly picky eater), and maybe one or two of the kids would share their snack with him. I know he didn’t really starve, and it was only a few hours, but to a small child, that is a lot, and he looked absolutely miserable some days, staring at his cafeteria apples or soggy bread while his classmates ate their lunchables. The mother of the little girl with the severe allergy found out about it and took to sending extra snacks to school with her daughter, which she shared with him.
It took three weeks before the boy’s mother realized that he wasn’t going to put his friend and classmate’s life at risk, and she started sending different lunches. Lesson learned, I hope.
But here’s the thing: if a five year old boy can go against his mother’s wishes and without being asked- without anyone even suggesting it to him- start going hungry in order to keep his classmate safe, then why can’t grown adults show the same compassion? Kids don’t care if they have to stop eating peanut butter for a few hours each day. They just don’t. We could all take a page from their book.
Heather says:
Oh, my heart. That poor, sweet little soul.
Jordan says:
oof. This was a tearjerker…thank you for sharing. it makes me wonder what on earth switches in us and hardens our hearts when we’re adults? Kids just get it- I would never do something that could hurt/kill a friend. I wonder when we stop getting it as we become adults.
Barb Miner says:
By having a separate table for children with a peanut allergy isn’t that inflicting on the HIPPA? How is that different that making same races or same sexes sit together? How is that even allowed?
Deirdre says:
The peanut-free table is usually an option for allergy kids, not mandatory. In addition, HIPPA is not applicable here because 1) it doesn’t involve health care professionals and 2) the kids and their parents are self-disclosing the allergy.
Kris says:
I do have a child – and if he had a severe allergy I know I would be concerned about what he came into contact with. But, if parent’s can opt out of vaccinations that could lead to my son getting a fatal illness then I should be allowed to let my son eat a peanut butter sandwich. For those who say they are two different issues – they are both based on exposure to other children and the beliefs of parents. They are also both preventable with reasonable level heads. And, failing to vaccinate could lead to others getting sick and dying, same way a kid with peanut allergies could. Lest we not forget too – that a lot of these issues go back to parents, without medical degrees, believing all the crap that’s in the media and not wanting to feed children certain things (see http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMe1500186 for new study that could indicate giving at risk infants peanuts could help prevent the allergy) or vaccinate them for reasons that are unfounded in real science.
I once took my 2 year old to a child care center – they asked me if his snacks had any nuts. I replied “no” – when I in turn (just to prove a point, by the way) asked if all the children were vaccinated, the response was “I don’t now” – and I am sorry but that is as big a risk to my child as peanuts may be to others.
Too bad all of this comes down to too many adults just being stupid.
Heather says:
Well, I live in California, where parents can no longer opt out of vaccinations if they want to go to schools. I think not vaccinating, and willingly bringing a deadly allergen to school, are both asshole moves, and all come down to (AGAIN!) the village failing our children.
Abby says:
@Kris Actually, food allergies aren’t nessicarilly preventable. As a baby, I ate cheese and drank juice with orange in it as a toddler and I still developed allergies to milk and orange. Allergies are incredibly complex and there isn’t much research that can say for certain that it is caused by one thing or another.
I 100% agree that vaccines, at least for things that could potentially kill someone, should be mandatory, and a child care center should know which children are vaccinated. But anaphylactic reactions to food can kill within minutes if an epi-pen isn’t used and an ambulance isn’t called immediately. I’ve even had reactions just from smelling things I’m allergic to.
So while I agree with you to an extent, you can’t compare the two at all.
Abby says:
Amen to as all of this. Back when I was in school there was no such thing as peanut free tables (I’m sort of glad, honestly. I see them as just excluding us even more than we already are. But that’s a whole other can of worms.) and most of the time, only the parents of kids my family knew well knew about my peanut, treenut, milk and orange allergies. Kids had food all over the place and I lived and still live in constant fear over just not knowing. Personally I think food should be kept in the lunch room and everyone should have to wash their hands after they’ve been in the cafeteria to prevent cross contamination and make sure allergies are known by all parents (and older kids) so lunch is a safe time and nobody feels isolated. Just my 2 cents to add to the debate. Thank youso much, I wish more parents and school staff I was around in the early 2000’s were this concious and understanding
ANNOYED! says:
EXCUSE ME! But exactly at what point in time did I say I would take responsibility for your OFFSPRING? Are you telling me that these parents walk into every restaurant they eat at and make an announcement asking every one to put away their food?
So do these parents walk into all the restaurants they eat at and demand everyone throw out their food? If you bring a child into this world it is your job as the parent to protect them and if they have a life threatening disease (allergy) well then you make the sacrifice to homeschool them! YOU don’t put their life at risk to make a statement! I homeschool so I can give my kids an awesome education they otherwise wouldn’t of had, but with my degree I could be working at a tech job making a 6 figure salary. And as someone that was once a single mother of three kids after my husband unexpectedly cheated on me and left us, we had to live in Sec 8 apartments and I had to work three jobs during the summer to take care of my kids! IF YOU AREN’T WILLING TO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR THE LIVES YOU BRING INTO THIS WORLD THEN KEEP YOUR DAMN LEGS CLOSED!!!!
Heather says:
As someone who is so amazing and awesome, you probably could have found a less-crass way to make a point.
Kristen E says:
lol you said “wouldn’t of.” That awesome education might need some work.
Beth says:
Thank you so much for this post. My sweet baby girl (10 months) has peanut and egg allergies and I worry about her constantly. Thank you for caring and for teaching your children to care too.
Margaret says:
I have to say, I’m sort of at a loss here. I am a special ed teacher at the preschool level (my students are 3 and 4 years old, with varying degrees of autism). One of them was recently diagnosed with a peanut allergy, so I sent home notices to all parents alerting them of the child’s allergy. All but one complied – her child, we’ll call him “Johnny”, has the most restrictive food repertoire I have ever come across in all my years of teaching. The ONLY thing he eats is peanut butter on whole wheat bread, and water. That’s it. So we decided to try alternatives to peanut butter – Sunflower butter, Soy butter, Coconut butter, Macadamia butter, Pistachio butter, Almond butter, Hazelnut butter, etc. The list went on and on. This child refused to eat. This has gone on for weeks, he was losing weight from not getting anything in his system, and would engage in severe behaviors (self-stimming, self-injury, biting, etc.). I felt lost. I didn’t know how to help him or my other student with the allergy. I asked my principal for help, but to no avail. We are still trying to find a solution to this issue. All of the other classes are at full capacity so neither boy can transfer to another classroom. We watch my student that has the allergy like a hawk while he is in school. It’s just a sad situation. And little Johnny’s parents are actually wonderful people who are trying to get him to expand his food repertoire, but have had absolutely zero success. I feel for both sides. It is so stressful.
allergy mom says:
Let me give you a different reason why as a mom I say deal in reality when it comes to this stuff. My two kids both have food allergies. They are not allergic to nuts but the one allergy shared could be every bit as dangerous in reactions. One of my kids is also afflicted with the double whammy of double allergy issues. It means that dairy is out with the exception of yogurt as enzymes break down the lactose differently in the making of it. It means ALL colored candy, chocolate and foods like jello, certain icecream, popsicles, yogurts in most brands, some granola, cereals, baked goods at stores, frostings, alot of snack options, certain brands of jellies, juices, etc.. are all OFF limits. The list can go on. When I hear “my kid is allergic to peanuts you can’t eat that” my reaction is two fold- one I sympathize. Food allergies are not fun but my other is “deal with it.” It isn’t to be a complete witch to others or that I don’t care but when so much is already off limits in a LONG list already eliminating more bread, nuggets, more yogurt they do eat, fruit items, etc.. all because of possible nuts I am left basically with fruit and water which is not a meal and barely a snack if they are really hungry. In short it is NOT feasible when parents with kids who are already restricted due to other things have to do it more for any period of time. You can’t just send heat and eats every where because microwaves don’t exist everywhere for access. I don’t expect the world to cater to mine by depriving others their joy in a skittles binge or to go have a popsicle in summer or even eat pizza from certain places mine can’t over it. I get so tired of the only allergy getting the special treatment to be nuts. It hasn’t been for lack of trying in various venues either.
The bottom line is that come college, a job, on their own as adults they need more useful skills like reading labels, understanding the allergy they have and self advocacy with a good old fashioned “does this have nuts or been made around nuts” if unsure without being obnocious. Employers and such don’t cater as they expect that and not a note from mommy demaninding everyone go “allergy free” at wherever in the adult world. So no, I’m not unsympathetic. I’m TIRED. My kids right to be able to eat is as important as not letting allergies trigger too.
Dianne says:
I live in Sydney, Australia and am a preschool teacher (3 to 5 year olds). Just about all preschools, child care centres and primary schools here- your elementary schools are nut free here and have been for some years. It is no big deal, there are plenty of alternatives. Why would you risk a child’s life just so your child could eat a peanut butter sandwich. Really? To the people who argue but they will have to deal with living in a world with peanut butter and they can’t be protected forever. That is right, but these are young children who must go to school and we can easily help them be protected for the time being. My own two sons were very fussy eaters but there are always alternatives. I am proud that nut free schools are the norm here and it is not even a discussion point, it is just accepted. What would you want other people to do if it was your child with the life threatening allergy? It’s not a big sacrifice. They are children, they need protecting, when they are teenagers and adults they are better able to deal with their allergies and monitor the risks themselves.