You may recall that last fall I mentioned I’d finished a “big project,” but I didn’t go into any details about it. Well, I can finally tell you guys what the project is: Mike and I wrote a book! It’s called The Toddler Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Whiny Unfed, and it will be released August 1st by Quarto Publishing.
So what’s it about? Well, here’s the blurb that will appear on the back of the book:
The Toddler Survival Guide is a hilarious parody of Max Brooks’s The Zombie Survival Guide (and survival guides in general) that will leave parents laughing out loud even as it provides practical advice on how they can make it to the other side of toddlerhood intact. Written by parents who have studied toddlers up-close in their natural habitat, the book will cover survival skills including how you can outfit your home to outlast a toddler occupation (baby gate, cabinet locks, wine), how you can subdue an angry toddler (“Elmo’s Song,” mac and cheese, smartphone) and even how you can safely venture out in public together without your toddler–or you–bursting into tears.
The whole experience of writing a book has been fascinating. One of the coolest parts was getting to see the artwork by the book’s illustrator, Ted Slampyak (whose work you may be familiar with from The Art of Manliness). Throughout the manuscript we wrote seventy or so notations along the line of: “Illustration here — In a family’s dining room spaghetti and spaghetti sauce are everywhere — even dripping off the walls — as a toddler eats it.” And then one day all of these incredible (and totally hilarious) illustrations showed up that were even more perfect than we’d hoped. It was really awesome.
Obviously, writing a book isn’t easy — and it’s probably even harder writing one with your spouse! It’s honestly a freaking miracle that Mike didn’t murder me. He’s a good worker who would diligently come home from BuzzFeed every night and write a few hundred words…and I would usually wait until the day before a deadline to bang out my thousands of words. What can I say? I work better under pressure. The whole process (along with how this all came to be) is something I will definitely write about here, if you all are interested!
Annabel and James, thankfully, were a huge help with the book. Annie was full of enthusiasm about it, and will be the first person to tell you that she came up with a couple of the jokes in the book (which is true!). As for James, well, his toddler status was a source of endless inspiration. Every day he’d do something and we’d be like, “oh, that needs to be addressed in the guide.” It might be the only positive thing about his frenetic toddler days!
We have a lot of fun stuff to share with you leading up to August 1st (a book trailer, give-a-ways, release party, and more) but if you want to pre-order the book now, you can! Here’s the info:
The Toddler Survival Guide is available at your favorite local bookstore, and at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million, Indiebound, Powells, QuartoKnows, and in Canada at Indigo-Chapters.
Pattie says:
How exciting — congrats! I would love to someday read about how the guide came to be.
Karen says:
How exciting! I will be looking forward to reading your survival guide and gifting it to friends and families who are entering the toddler age with their little ones! Congratulations!
Courtney says:
That’s so awesome!! Congrats!!! Can’t wait to read it, even if my toddler-survival days are (thankfully) behind me!
Tracey says:
How exciting and good for you! Even though mine are now in college, I am sure that it will be good for some smiles so I will surely pre-order it.
Gayle says:
Congratulations! I can’t wait to read it, even though I don’t have any toddlers.
Lenora says:
Congratulations!! I look forward to reading it, even though I don’t have kids and I have some friends with toddlers that could use this!
Becca says:
Congrats!! I can’t wait to hear more about this adventure!
Melissa says:
Congratulations, that’s awesome! I can’t wait to read it!
Suzanne says:
Heather how amazing is this! Congrats! Cannot wait to read it.
Steph says:
Congratulations! I would love to read about the “behind the scenes” process that you all went through. Also, great job helping your parents, Annie & James!
kathig says:
That’s fantastic! Mazel Tov! Look forward to reading, and yes, please share the story of how all this came about.
Jen says:
OMG this is so exciting!! Congratulations and even though I don’t have toddlers anymore I can’t wait to read it!
Jeanie says:
Very excited for you! I’ll be wracking my brain trying to determine who could use this masterpiece.
Kelly says:
Awesome!!! Although I’m well beyond the toddler stage, I cannot wait to read and to hear more about how it all came about and the writing/publishing process.
Ashley says:
Congratulations! As the mom of a very independent (ahem) 16 month old, I need this book right now. Looking forward to August!
Nellie says:
So incredibly thrilled for you and totally not surprised – I love how the two of you write and cannot wait to purchase the book!!!!
All the best to you and your beautiful family…ALWAYS!!!!
Kathy says:
I no longer have toddlers (teenagers now, thank you very much) but will definitely read your book! Love your writing style and the hilarious twist you put on everyday events. Can’t wait to read it!
Debbie says:
Congratulations! Can’t wait to read it!
Mirabel says:
Congratulations this is so awesome. I am very happy for you both…I cant wait to read your book.
Rachel says:
Congratulations Heather and Mike! What a huge accomplishment!! So excited to read it — pre-ordered in Canada today.
Jana Frerichs says:
YES! I want to know more about it! And can’t wait to read it!
Z says:
Congratulations! Finishing a book’s hard work, can’t wait to read it even though I’m not at all the target audience!
Kakali says:
Congratulations Heather and Mike! You both are super smart people,and I feel so lucky to know you through the blog! I can’t wait to read the book! I have been reading your blog for a long time, and it’s been so helpful to get your thoughts and advice in everyday life!
RzDrms says:
This JUST! GOT! INTERESTING!
Lisa says:
Congratulations and definitely getting this for friends!!!
Nancy Raine Smego says:
This is wonderful! Congratulations!!!!