We had a great time last week at Great Wolf Lodge. One of the things I particularly enjoyed was seeing Annie get a bit more adventurous when it came to trying activities that she’d deemed “too scary” in the past. Mike and I really like going on the big water slides, but Annie is afraid of them and James is (unfortunately for him), an inch too short. But during this trip, she was willing to try something I had been dying to go on ever since we visited Great Wolf Lodge last year: The FlowRider.

The FlowRider is an “indoor surf simulator” that lets riders body board on an endless wave. It looked like SO much fun, and when Annie said she wanted to go on it, I immediately grabbed her and got in line. I didn’t want her to change her mind!

Since I was at the top of the simulator, I didn’t have a very good view of her. Luckily, Mike was at the bottom snapping pictures. She did amazing!

Annie on Flowrider

Annie on flowrider

After she’d been body boarding for a few minutes, it was my turn. We got to ride next to each other, which was really cool.

on Flowrider

Honestly, it was just as much fun as I hoped it would be.

heather on flowrider

But then…then I got cocky. I’d watched lots of people (kids AND adults) hop up onto their knees on the board, and I thought, “I used to surf! I can do that!” And so I tried. I got up on my knees, but then the board turned sideways. With the water pushing my board from the front instead of from behind like in surfing, I immediately lost control and wiped out.

And my bottoms came off.

If abject panic burned calories, I would have instantly been at my goal weight. There I was, tumbling through water that felt like it was being shot out of a cannon, with my bathing suit bottoms tangled around my knees, and, oh yeah, I was surrounded by children.

I started fumbling for my bottoms, and managed to keep them from going past my knees, THANK GOODNESS. But they were all twisted-up, and anyone who has taken off their bathing suit bottoms to go to the bathroom knows how hard it is to pull the damn things back up, let alone twisted board-short-style bottoms that have jet streams of water pushing them in the opposite direction.

When the water stopped pushing me at the top, I yanked on my bathing suit with all of my might and managed to cover up my, ahem, special areas. As soon as I righted myself, I looked at the line of people waiting to go on the simulator…and none of them would make eye contact with me.

There was a time in my life where something like this would have had me running for the exit. But I’d waited too long to go on this simulator and I still had two more turns left. So I just laughed and jumped back on the board. Yeah, all these people just saw my white ass, but who cares?

Well, Mike cared. He thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. And, remember how he’d been taking pictures? Well, he just so happened to be filming when I wiped out.

There they goooooooo!

And that is why I am never allowed back at Great Wolf Lodge.

Ha ha, just kidding. But I don’t know if I’ll go on FlowRider again…at least, not in a two-piece suit.