A few of you have asked if we still have our fish, Bubbles and Uptown Funk, and the answer is yes. Yes. We. Do. As you know, I wasn’t really thrilled by the arrival of the fish, mostly because I was sure they’d die right away and we’d start an endless cycle of “Can we get more fish? Can we get more fish?” and I am not about that life.

The kids have basically forgotten we have fish. That should be good news, right? Like maybe I could release the fish into the wild and no one would miss them? Except there is one person who absolutely would notice they were gone, immediately: Mike. Mike is freaking obsessed with the damn fish.

A few months ago, he decided that the tank we’d bought for the fish when we first got them wasn’t going to work anymore (this wasn’t a shock because we’d bought the cheapest tank possible). “The filter is crap and the tank is made of plastic!” He said to me, as if I cared. He decided that for his birthday he wanted a new fish tank. The one he picked out is bigger, quieter (the only trait I care about), and definitely looks nicer. He loves it. LOVES IT. I catch him standing in front of it all the time.

Mike and the damn fish tank

Look at him!

What a dork.

And you guys, I swear, he’s going to see that picture and go, “That’s a good looking tank!” I know that because he says it literally every time he stands in front of the damn thing.

I finally said, “Why do you care about these fish so much?!” and he said, “I like to take care of the things our kids love.” When I pointed out to him that the kids never even acknowledge the fish, he initially protested (“What? I saw Annie looking at them just last week!”), then finally admitted that when he was a kid, he was in charge of feeding his family fish and he never did. Unsurprisingly, the fish died. “I am responsible for the deaths of tens of fish! This is my penance!”

“Also, I like to watch them swim. It’s relaxing.” OMG

When I said, “I just can’t believe they’ve lived this long,” he replied with, “Yeah!!! All thanks to me and my amazing fish parenting!”