Last night, thanks to the kindness of our friend Danny, Mike and I went to a concert. We saw the band Wilco.
We had floor seats. Well, not seats. Floor admission. I normally like floor admission, because it’s fun to feel the music with the crowd. But Wilco fans are freakishly tall. For the first part of the show, all I could see was this:
I was impressed by the show, everyone told me Wilco is amazing live, but they really, really were. I always wonder how a band like Wilco can be so good live when their recordings are so intricate with different sounds and textures. They are immensely talented musicians and performers.
At one point Mike worked some mojo with a security guard, so we were brought up to the front where there were seats. The view was MUCH better.
But sitting there, surrounded by passionate Wilco fans, all I could think about was Maddie. She will never go to a concert or know the words to every song. She’ll never be a musician and have thousands of people sing along with her. And it’s so unfair that we’ll live the rest of our lives wondering what Maddie’s special talents would have been. What she would have been passionate about.
At the end of the show, the lights went purple.
I closed my eyes against the tears, and imagined Maddie dancing to the music.
Chrisie Ward says:
She will always be dancing in your heart Heather. Its so unfair.
andrea's sweet life says:
Oy. Sweetie, I don’t imagine there will be a time when you don’t wonder about Maddie. No, it’s not fair – not at ALL. What we do know is the way she was, the way her smile could light up a room halfway across the world. Hold tight to that, my friend. Hold tight. Xoxo
betsy says:
You know when the lights went purple she was there. She will always be there. She will always be every where. She was a gift you were blessed with for a short time. You are blessed to have loved her, to know her, to know her smell, to know her spirit. She wants you to find happiness…that’s what she brought to you. You can find it again and know when you do, it is a blessed gift brought from her to you. She wants that for you. Anyone who has ever loved anyone wants that that for the people they have loved.
Christina says:
Oh how the what could have beens…the what SHOULD have beens can ache. I’m glad you got to see Wilco…they’re one of my faves. I’m glad your husband has security guard mojo…I’ve never been so lucky. But as usual I am mostly saddened by your loss…the loss of that gorgeous baby girl. She really was a gorgeous light.
MelissaG says:
I will never ever understand how to get over the “what if’s”….I am not a wiz with words but know that I think of your family often.
Al_Pal says:
I see her in the purple everywhere.
But yeah, the hopes for the future. All the growing-up moments that you expected and didn’t get to experience.
***HUGS***
♥
Danny says:
Heather, I’m so glad you and Mike were able to come. And grateful you got seats in the end because usually at the Wiltern the guest list tickets are in great seats in the balcony. I also thought of Maddie when the purple lights came on (tonight, too–just back from the second show which was much mellower than last night’s) and also was thinking of my boys during every second of every song. Oliver in the same way you were and wondering if Charlie will be able to enjoy music. I hope so…he sure has it in his blood! Much love…
.-= Danny´s last blog ..Father’s Day =-.
Krissa says:
(((Hugs)))
catherine lucas says:
A small flower was nipped in the bud and will never bloom.
A lot of “nevers”…
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Women who run with wolves =-.
Erica says:
But I do think of your DD often..Xoxo for Maddie
Matt logelin is there as well..Have a great time
Kelly says:
Big hugs…
Purple always makes me think of your beautiful Maddie, too
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Soooo precious! =-.
Cinthia says:
I think her gift to the world was just being who she was. I always loved every Maddie story I read. I hope I get to read them until my eyes grow cateract-y, even if it’s the same stories over and over. She’ll never be forgotten.
Kathryn says:
I think Maddie will always be on your mind and in your heart. You loved her tremendously and love like that doesn’t fade away…ever
Dona says:
Maddie’s special talent was just being Maddie. Much love to you & Mike from Australia
amanda says:
I suppose the questions and the wondering never stops – I hope so much that someday it hurts a little less – and maybe brings a smile for you to think about how much Maddie would have loved a concert – but with that smile will always be the big question mark of what could have been – I am so glad you both go out and had a good time at the concert. You deserve it so much.
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..RAIN! I mean, VACATION! =-.
kristen says:
i wish it weren’t so that there is such a long list of nevers…i wish i could change that for you.
i am moved to tears when i think of the long list of people who have written here about how much their lives have changed for having known or read about maddie. i think all those people carry her spirit with them now, trying to honor her by living a better life. and i also believe that the purple lights were more than a coincidence…she’s with you always.
xxoo,
kristen
Pgoodness says:
Those purple lights were Maddie sending you a hug. (I’m sending one too)
Lindsay from Florida says:
One of her special talents was to inspire others, which is really the only one that matters in the end. And yet … I want to know what her others would have been too. Hugs, Heather.
Jessi says:
Whenever I see purple I think of her as well!
Isnt it crazy how many ppl think of Maddie when just seeing that color?
I think that is amazing.
She will never be forgotten. She is good at reminding me of the small things in life that matter, being thankful for little things and cherishing every moment I have with friends and family and my dog. She is good at bringing people closer to God. She is good at making everyone smile as soon as they see a picture of her.
Thinking of you guys!
.-= Jessi´s last blog ..Nikon or Canon? =-.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Sending a hug. I wish Maddie was still here with you, where she belongs.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I’m the one wearing sunglasses =-.
Earth_Mommy says:
I agree, Maddie’s talent was giving love to all that knew her, and knew of her through your blog.
*huggles and snuggles*
.-= Earth_Mommy´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
DesignHER Momma says:
I’m sure Maddie would have loved music – would have loved Wilco (how could she not).
I would like to think those Purple lights at the end of the show were no accident. Let’s assume that it was Maddie sending you a love, telling you that she’s here, and it’s going to be ok.
Love and miss you. And I’m still so very sorry.
Momma Uncensored says:
bulls***
that’s what it is.
i wish i could bring your lil’ lady back.
.-= Momma Uncensored ´s last blog ..deb dreams =-.
Alexandra :) says:
I’m sure that there will be a time when you’re not ALWAYS thinking about Maddie-especially if you and Mike can bring yourselves to have/adopt another baby-even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. I’ve heard that after a super major loss (e.g. husband, wife, young child) it takes about two years to completely recover. Society’s problem is that everyone is only sympathetic for about two weeks.
Jenn says:
Hi Sweetheart,
I know both you and Mike had said in the passed you can’t feel Maddie around you and she hasn’t visited you in your dreams. But, did you ever stop think that these little sign….like the little burst of purple, was a message from Maddie reminding you she will ALWAYS be right beside you?
I know you can’t touch, smell or hear her just yet, and I totally agree, it’s not fair she isn’t here!!! I am so upset and angry she was taken so soon myself but, I do believe with all my heart, she is around you CONSTANTLY. If you can’t believe that right now….no worries….I’ll believe enough for the both of us.
Just a thought. I am so happy you and Mike went out. I hope there was some times you enjoyed yourselves. Sending you hugs, and reminding you so many people are here for you and Mike and I’m sure so many of them are so proud of you….just like I am.
Take Care,
Your Stranger Friend,
Jenn
Melina says:
I cannot imagine *not* thinking about Maddie with everything you do. She’ll always be with you. Just hopefully, one day, it won’t make you so very sad.
.-= Melina´s last blog ..The one where I weigh in… =-.
Tami says:
When I read the lights went purple. I thought OMG and my eyes teared up. When ever I see any thing purple I think of maddie. It is so unfair, so unfair!! My heart just breaks for you both!
hugs
pbandjazz says:
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
sam {temptingmama} says:
*hugs* I love you.
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..Casey =-.
Veronica says:
She was there, when you were wondering – she let you know it with those purple lights! How beautiful. Whatever she would have been would have been wonderful. She was so brilliant and beautiful in her short life, as you have said she was passionate about music, about laughing, about snuggling and about loving and living life! You don’t have to wonder – you know, and she told you that with those purple lights. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Mike and with such beautiful memories, it is hard not to ‘find’ Maddie around every corner. I too wish you could hold it and snuggle it. But hold onto those ‘purple light moments’ – that’s when she’s saying hi!
Lisa says:
I can’t imagine you’ll ever beable to do anything without thinking about Maddie. She is in your heart, she is part of you. She was an amazing little girl.
(((hugs))) and love to you. Thinking of you always.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Pregnancy Exercise: Hot Weather Exercises =-.
Deborah says:
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Fairly Odd Mother says:
I got goosebumps when you wrote that the lights went purple.
.-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..Our Vacation In Photos =-.
AnnD says:
I have to agree with the first commenter….it’s so unfair. Just so damned unfair. I hate to know every day that you are going through this, that when I see Maddie’s face that I have to remember that she’s not here. She seems so real and alive through the photos!
I will keep thinking of you and Mike and praying for you both.
Susan D. says:
My heart hurts for you and I do think that Maddie was showing that she was there with you.
sherry pyle says:
I am so glad you go to go to the concert!!!!
Iam so sad also for her loss. All the things you had planned.
I know no answers but I do know you are loved and many are with you in heart and soul.
I still cry too when I remember her.
I wish for you to gain strength from her memory and know that somehow in all the pain and heartache this will help you help others.
For now take care of yourself.
I have children your age and I wish I could make it all go away. But I can’t, but imagine me giving you a big hug and thanking you for being so strong.
Bec says:
All my love.
Flo says:
If only I could do something to bring back your beautiful sunny little one to life again, be sure that I would… As a mom of 3, I can imagine what it would feel to lose a kid, and I know reality is a million times worse than imagination…
I’m profoundly sorry for Mike and for you, and hope you’ll be able to go on together in a constructive way, never ever forgetting beautiful lovely Maddie (who could?) but finding new joys that would slowly ease your days.
It’s good news you were able to go to that concert, even if it hurt so much not sharing it with Maddie.
May tomorrow slowly bring you some other distraction…
Warmly, many thousands miles from you,
Flo
Kim says:
Oh Heather, the purple was meant to be. She was there with you as she is everyday.
To me, her special talent was making a world of people think and feel and just BE different. Better. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m a better person, wife and mother thanks to your wonderful, beautiful, and oh so magical Maddie. I won’t ever forget her or the lessons I’ve learned.
I don’t know if that brings you any solace because my God, you’ve lost so much. But please know Maddie made a difference. More so in her life than many us will in ours.
Many hugs, much love and wishes for peace to you and Mike today, and always!
xoxo
thatgirlblogs says:
she’s invaded my thoughts whenever I see purple as well, because of your blog. she has made me appreciate life more. thank you for sharing your story.
AmazingGreis says:
Big hugs to you, my friend!
I have no doubt that the purple lights were Maddie’s way of letting you know she was there with you.
Glad ya’ll had a good time out.
XOXOX
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Almost Wordless Wednesday – The 1st Birthday Edition… =-.
Jane says:
I’ve been reading your blog for a while and have loved learning about Maddie and your and Mike’s love for her. Your writing is so raw and powerful. I think you and Maddie have imprinted yourselves on my brain, because I had a dream about you two last night! You were sitting at a long dining table, Maddie on your right, giggling and talking.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing it with us here.
maya says:
Maddie was letting you know it will all be ok….
Courtney says:
I can’t imagine anything you do won’t make you wonder about your precious Maddie! God Bless!
Courtney in New York
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..My favorite things =-.
Candice says:
Little Maddie dancing up in heaven. Not where we want you to be, but dancing nonetheless. ((HUGS))
.-= Candice´s last blog ..Mamarazzi =-.
Becky says:
So, I’m going to tell you a story rather than tell you how sorry I am because you know how sorry I am. My friend Stef died a year and a half ago, and I’m still friends with her parents (who have since lost another child).
Jan and Bob went to see Neil Diamond–don’t judge, I love Mr. Diamond too–and he launched into “Sweet Caroline,” right? Of course Jan starts to cry, because obviously. The song ends and Jan expresses how it reminds her of Stef. Well, then, for no known reason, he plays it again. And again. And again. And again. He played the song like 5 times in a row that night.
Thought it was a neat story. This reminded me of that story. Except Wilco is not Neil Diamond.
Love you, bitch.
.-= Becky´s last blog ..Guilty Until Proven Innocent =-.
Jennifer says:
Purple will always remind me of Maddie!
I’m glad you had fun at the concert–but I know the thoughts of “what could have been” are always there.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..My Kids Are Weird… =-.
charlane says:
Oh Heather I am sorry that even fun things can be torture for you too. The endless wondering of what if she were still with me, what would she be like, what would she want to be, what would be her favorite song…I can only pray for you that one day you are able to think of Maddie with less torture and torment attached to it, and more joy and peace in its place.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Swimming with Cole and Keelyn =-.
Ramee says:
I have still been reading your updates almost every day and praying over you and your husband. I pray that an unbelievable amount of peace would cover you today and you would find rest. Calm, sweet rest. Thinking of you every day….
Porscha Is says:
Heather,
I think of your little Maddie often and wonder how you and Mike are doing. I hope that at some point you will be able to think of your precious Maddie and the happiness of the thought of her will overshadow the pain that she is no longer physically with you.
(((hugs)))
Ginger says:
Heather, you were robbed of life’s greatest joy with your daughter but you will someday feel joy again, out at a concert or in the park or seeing something that you reminds you of the dear one, but you aren’t there yet. Hang on! The grief is everpresent but the joy will come back, it will. Be good to you.
.-= Ginger´s last blog ..When the crazy comes knocking don’t answer the door =-.
Alexandra says:
Believe me or not, that purple was Maddie. I do believe in life after this earth, and that is Maddie letting you know she lives in you. She won’t have the earthly as we know it, but she has it, in a different place. You will see her…
As I read once, “she would’ve felt better in chapter 3, had she known she’d be alright in chapter 6.”
You will be with her again, till then, it’s the earthly minutes that drag.
Believe…that purple was Maddie.
Michelle says:
Wow, Heather…..I had to close my eyes to hold the tears back. There is not a time I see purple and don’t think of your sweet Maddie!!!
Love to you and Mike!
Michelle – Herculaneum, MO
Colleen says:
Heather & Mike,
Unfair doesn’t even begin to cut it. Having a daughter just 1 day older than your Maddie I can’t even begin to imagine your pain. As well, I totally agree with Jenn that the purple lights were a sign from Maddie. Of all the colours out there what are the odds of them being purple? I would think pretty slim. I’m not a religious or very spiritual person but I do believe we’re visited from those that have passed and I pray every single night that Maddie will visit you in your dreams.
Sending you many hugs from Toronto
Colleen
Katrina says:
No doubt had Maddie lived a long, full life she would have done amazing things with her special talents. Just look what she has already done in her short 17 months! Her memory is helping other babies through the MOD. Her smile has touched the hearts of so many people! I never knew what the MOD was for until I learned of Maddie.
I’m glad to read that you and Mike got out and were able to enjoy a concert. Your stregnth continues to amaze me.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Move Over =-.
@heartmychloe says:
i love how maddie (and her color) are found in the most poignant of places. it’s no coincidence…
i see her everywhere, too =)
.-= @heartmychloe´s last blog ..S s s sangria!!! =-.
Debby says:
This is beyond not fair when a mother has to, for the rest of her life, live with the “what if” of her child who passed away. I am so sorry.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..FOR YOUR TEARS =-.
ali says:
purple will forever have special meaning to me.
hugs.
.-= ali´s last blog ..first day last day =-.
tara says:
heather, it’s SO unfair. so very unfair. i see purple EVERYWHERE now. and i always, always, always think of maddie. i will be at wilco in sf on saturday night, and i will be thinking of you, mike and maddie. xoxo
Erin says:
Oh heather…this one brought a tear to my eyes….i cant imagine. Im so sorry….i dont have any words for this one.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Fathers Day =-.
Kara says:
Purple has always been my favorite color, but I never had a reason why it was my favorite.
Maddie has given me a reason.
You and Mike have give me a reason.
Maddie is dancing and singing…and I am so sorry you and Mike aren’t able to witness it. But, you will. One day, when you are reunited with her.
I dont’ think the purple lights weren’t a coincidence….it was a sign.
(((hugs)))
Kristen McD says:
(((HUGS)))
Sanya says:
Heather~I have to say this post did not make me sad like so many of the others. I actually smiled because it’s proof that Maddie is happy & trying to show you that all is well. How perfect & beautiful a story. She wants you to enjoy life. She wants you & Mike to LIVE. You shouldn’t feel guilty to do so. She will always be remembered & always surround you. Time will heal you both. I see this story as a new & bright beginning for both of you. Smile for her today
Amy says:
I am sure there will never be a time when you aren’t wondering what she would have grown up to be. I wish you could have seen that. I truly, truly do. This is all so unfair. (((Heather)))
LD says:
Maybe Maddie’s special talent is that she’s helped all of us realize how precious and finite life is– that she’s made all of us realize how much of life there is to enjoy each moment.
Donna P says:
One of Maddie’s special talents lies in the legacy that she has left, the legacy that you have so generously shared with us.
Maddie has become world famous you know.
Was there ever any doubt she would?
nic @mybottlesup says:
purple lights are awesome.
i don’t know what else to say…
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..under where? =-.
Tammy says:
How can you not have those thoughts? I thought of the purple lights as a hug from Maddy to her Mommy and Daddy. Not a very satisfying hug, though, huh?
Jennifer says:
I have to admit that purple was never my favorite color, I am a pink color girl. HOWEVER, that has all changed! I see purple everywhere I go and ALWAYS think of Maddie. There are days when I am putting my daughter’s hair up that I choose a purple hair band in honor of Maddie. My 11month old daughter made me a flower pot for Mother’s day…I filled it with purple flowers (for Maddie).
Like Jane said above, Maddie has been imprinted on our brains and I feel so fortunate to have gotten to know her through your blog.
She touches my life everyday.
I was so happy to see that you and Mike got out for an evening together.
Much love to you both,
Jenn in CA
Applesauce says:
I don’t know if this will help you or not, but Maddie’s story has inspired hundreds, if not thousands, of mothers to hug their child a little tighter. Because of your loss I try to make the most out of every minute I have with my own children.
Heather, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Maddie is a dazzling little girl, and I’ve never seen a more beautiful smile.
MommyNamedApril says:
I bet she would’ve loved it. I’m glad you were able to get out
((hugs))
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..This is Post #301. So, Let’s Give it Some Love. =-.
april in NJ says:
I bet it sucks… trying to enjoy things you used to enjoy “before” but not being able to because of the “after” and “what ifs.” I feel so bad for you both and hope that one day you’re able to enjoy things again and think of Maddie and maybe not worry about the “what ifs” so much. I’m sure they’ll always be there… but hopefully you can do it with a smile. We all love you and Mike (and Ms. Maddie Moo too!) so much… holding you up during these times.
love and hugs from NJ.
Mary C says:
What a great band to have seen. Love the songs wishful thinking and sky blue sky. You know Maddie was dacnin’!
Lots of hugs with love.
Kristy says:
Oh Heather.
You can come and scream on the mountian top with me!
Hug.
.-= Kristy´s last blog ..Do you ever? =-.
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
Things are hard now, I don’t think they will ever get easier, you will always wonder “what if…” I think that it will just become a part of who you are. But one day you will get to ask Maddie all those questions & more. xoxo
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com says:
I’m sure she would have danced had she been there. I’m so sorry. It’s so unfair.
.-= Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com´s last blog ..37 Weeks: full term. =-.
Mary says:
Heather:
Your posts are so poignant. I wish there was something I could say that would help but there isn’t. Maybe the purple lights were God letting you know that Maddie is looking out for you.
Hugs.
Glenda says:
So touching! Wherever you go…Maddie will go. She will always be a part of you and Mike! Sending you hugs! XO
Maria Delgado says:
Everything makes you think of her.
It’s bitter and sweet.
Suzanne says:
Because you will always love her and hold her tightly against you in your heart, I suppose you will, forever more, be learning to live with the unanswered questions. And I imagine that like all things in life, with practice comes improvement. Which is to say, over time one might (maybe) learn to balance the demands of living in the present with the inevitable mental forays into the land of “could have been”…if only Maddie had stayed on this earth and grown into the wonderful young woman she surely would have become. But I don’t know, Heather. I don’t know how you learn to live with the unanswered questions. I believe that you and Mike will, though.
And I believe Maddie would have appreciated Wilco. Baby girl clearly had taste.
Molly says:
I bet she knew all the words to the Sesame Street theme song (or the Itsy Bitsy Spider, or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star–or maybe something more sophisticated!) even if she couldn’t sing them yet. It’s not fair that she’ll never get to go to a concert, but I’ll bet she had music in her while she was here.
Jenny says:
It is so unfair.
Perhaps the purple was Maddie saying “Mama, don’t worry, I’m here, I’m here, I’m dancing with Grandma and we are watching with you!”.
Amanda says:
So much purple – so many people who see it – are inspired by it – who remember Maddie.
It’s said that people never really leave if they are remembered. I like to think that is true. If you believe it to then Maddie is certainly still here with you all – maybe not in a literal sense which PLEASE understand I know isn’t the same, doesn’t compare, and sucks beyond belief but she’s here – she’s watching – and she’s proud of you and Mike.
Many hugs. I still think of you and Mike daily. I hope that the good thoughts and well wishes from folks help you when you are down.
misfithausfrau says:
Hugs to you. Maddie is everywhere!
Wilco holds a special place in my heart. I saw them twice when I was rpregnant with my first daughter. When she was born, I got a gift from a friend. It was a oneside signed by all the members of the band.
Jodee says:
The biggest ((hug))) ….
Lady Lemon says:
I just hate it for you so bad, sweetie. I really do.
.-= Lady Lemon´s last blog ..I’m Jello, Baby =-.
anymommy says:
I can’t imagine this for you, I think about it all the time, these futures lost. You keep them alive, when you take her everywhere in your heart and mind. Love, as always.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..You Are My Sunshine =-.
Kellee says:
I’m glad you went to the concert, sweetheart. Mike is magic with the mojo there. We do know what some of her special talents were. She had some already. You know she loved music. She could make anyone smile. She was happy. THAT is a talent, who is ever able to be that happy? Love you both.
Deidre says:
I would of been closing my eyes too. I am not sure I would have been in the mood to go, but I am so happy you went. The “what ifs” will never stop. It has been 8 years since my husband passed on and I can never stop asking myself questions when I look into our daughters eyes. What if he could only see us today!
.-= Deidre´s last blog ..Home Funerals =-.
Jamie says:
I am happy that you were able to make it to the concert. I know there will ALWAYS be moments that hurt your heart to think, “Maddie will never be able to …” I cannot imagine what that feels like. Her bright smile still makes me smile when I visit your page. I adored that video of you and Mike teaching her “WOW.” Two days ago when my daughter said wow… I giggled and then tears streamed as I thought of your beautiful Maddie!
pillarr1 says:
Everytime I see something purple, I think of Maddie. I never noticed purple before. I was at the bank the other day and I picked up a purple lollipop. Wow. That must have been Maddie on my mind. Those lights were a sign from Maddie saying I love you mommy!!
Mitzi Magos says:
I know maddie is your daughter but please allow me to share some of the future she may experience in heaven. Endless music playing all her faborite tunes, Crystal clear water for her to swim in. Endless hills of purple flowers for her to smell and admire. I am not sure if you are a believer in God and it is not my place to assume but knowing God loved Maddie so much I know one day you will see her again and share everything you missed here on earth with her in heaven. For her it will be but a moment that she was without you. Look to the Lord Heather and Mike. He can show you Heaven and give you a glimpse of the enternal life he has provided for Maddie and you.
Maggie says:
She’ll always be on your mind, Heather. Either at the forefront, or in the back someplace. But, she’ll always be there.
I had a sister, who was born the year after me. Her name was Mary and, had she lived, she would be 54 years old. Mary lived only three days. A short span. She died of hyaline membrane disease. That was a death sentence in those days. Today, she, most likely, would have survived.
Anyway, my point is this. Mary never left my mother’s thoughts, even though her lifetime was only three days. Mary was with her all through the years, up to and including the day our Mother slipped away from those of us left here.
Without meaning any offense, I know Maddie will be with you forever. I mean that sincerely. She’s keeping you close to her, and you’ll stay close til the day you slip. And then, she’ll meet you on the other side.
Take care of yourself, Heather. Mike, you too.
Maggie says:
One more thing. Someone mentioned the purple lights were a sign from Maddie. Maybe they were. I believe in signs.
My mother had a lilac bush in her backyard. Had the damned thing for years and years. It NEVER bloomed. Not one time.
One day I walked into the kitchen and found my Mom looking out the back kitchen window, and swearing up a storm about that damned lilac bush which, once more, had failed to bloom.
I said to Mom, ‘Whichever one of us slips first will have to have a talk with the heavenly gardener, Himself’. We both laughed, and went about our business.
Well, Mom passed over in January of the next year. In April, I woke one morning to the thick and heavy smell of lilacs. Went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and looked out the window. Yep. You’ve probably figured out where I’m going with this story.
That damned lilac bush was in full bloom. First time, ever.
I figured it was Mom, just saying hello. Made me smile.
Tammy and Parker says:
Maddie may not have the opportunity to learn the words to all the songs, or go to a concert, but she has you here experiencing them for her.
I believe, with all of my heart, that families are forever. And that one day you will be able to tell Maddie all about everything you experienced just for her.
lisa wood says:
oh wow those lights were for Maddie at the end. She would be dancing in your lap….up on her feet with a sparkle in your gorgeous eyes and her famous grin.
Maddie will always be with you no matter what, just wished she was there dancing with you on the night.
Gosh she is just beautiful.
Love you guys
Lisa
Casey says:
I’m closing my eyes right now against tears, too.
Wishing things were so different.
.-= Casey´s last blog ..Peeps in their natural habitat =-.
Nicole says:
Maddie is dancing and singing to the music. And she lives on with your words and in the hearts of all the people who read your blog. She lives in mine.
amy says:
So well said
And I think the purple light was her, shining her love on you and Mike.
Glad to hear you went out, sometimes good to get out there and fake it once in awhile..
MelissaQ says:
My favorite color is Purple. I have a purple rose tattoo that I got 15 years ago. I’ll always think of your Maddie your precious angel. I still applaud you and your tremendous courage to go on. I dont know that I would be that strong.
Kate says:
*hugs*
Patty says:
She was there, she was. When in doubt, look around, listen, she is letting you know she is there! Must have really been something to see the purple lights! Much love, Patty
.-= Patty´s last blog ..Sunny days! =-.
Alison says:
Big hugs.
Always keeping you, Mike, and Maddie in my heart.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..In Honor of Finals Week… =-.
Marti from Michigan says:
Every time you see or experience purple, that is Maddie communicating with you.
I am still very sorry, very sad for you both.
Denise says:
Wilco, I haven’t seen them in ages. I love the lights turning purple, what a beautiful image.
Therese says:
Wow, this one killed me more than any other post, it was like going from this is sad to tears just bursting out of no where, as soon as I saw ‘the lights went purple’
From the many clips I have seen, I can picture her laughing and dancing
.-= Therese´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Kate C says:
Hi, Heather —
I’ve commented a few other times, but I’m too shy to be regular about it.
I just had to tell you how much I wish we would all know what Maddie would be like as an adult, and I’m so, so sorry (those words are so stupid and inadequate, I know) that she isn’t here anymore. I didn’t know about her until she was gone, and yet, somehow, I miss her; miss the knowledge that there is someone like her in the world.
The last sentence of this post is hauntingly sad and beautiful.
Haley-O says:
Deep breath. All I can do to hold back tears from those last lines. ((hugs))
.-= Haley-O´s last blog ..“They’re Real…, and They’re Fabulous”: The Story of Cheaty’s Bewbs =-.
jana says:
Sending support and warm thoughts; I can only imagine how purple is in general, but in that grand a scale, Maddie is everywhere to you. I am glad you got to see it though.
.-= jana´s last blog ..Dror for Target =-.
Sara Keenan says:
My heart breaks for you every single night when I read your blog. I am so sorry sweetheart, I just wish I could give you a hug. I have cried many tears with you, even though you have no idea who I am. Maddie was such a beautiful little girl with such spirit about her, and I am sure that beautiful little spirit is with you.
Many (((hugs))) and lots of love sent your way from Houston TX
Kristen says:
It just sucks. I’m so sorry. I have no answers or suggestions. I can only say that there are so many people who wish that they could make it better if that was possible.
Heather says:
I’m so sorry, Heather. I’m a newer reader, but I’ve quickly fallen in love with your blog and Maddie, and my heart breaks for all of you.
I was also at that show (on the 23rd, right?), and just had to say that we were stuck behind some guy who was 6’6″. Worse was that he had the dance fever, so we were constantly moving back and forth to see around him. Even then 6’1″ guy behind us was grousing that he couldn’t see! From your picture, it looks like you were in our area…would have loved to say hello, even though you have no idea who I am.
gorillabuns says:
beautiful, just beautiful.
.-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..all aboard the choo-choo train. all aboard, all aboard, choo-choo! =-.
Amanda says:
I think you will always know her, in your mind. You will know what she would have looked like as she grew, you will know without a doubt what she would have been like. I am thinking of you.