Our second child is due February 14th, 2010.
Many, many people have asked for her due date, but we have hesitated to answer. There are several reasons for this.
The first is that, while she is due on February 14th, she will absolutely not be born that day. Because of the medications I’m on and the fact that a c-section is necessary it’s really important I don’t go into labor. So, the doctors will determine when she will be born, but it will be several days, if not weeks, before the 14th.
The second reason is that I am, for lack of a better word, superstitious. The time line on this pregnancy is almost exactly like the time line for Madeline’s. Her due date was January 28th. There are so many things that are similar that it’s very hard to divorce my second pregnancy from my first one. Until I pass 28 weeks and 6 days, I will constantly worry that something will happen. Not that the worrying will stop after that, but it will be different.
The third reason is the biggest. When I announced that Mike and I were expecting again, it was terrifying. When you share on the internet, people sometimes feel like they have free reign to not only judge, but to write mean, horrible things. And honestly, when we decided to share that we were expecting, we wanted to focus more on the fact that we were having a much wanted child, and not on when she may have been conceived. So we were deliberately vague, and then when we still got some awful comments and hate mail, we made a decision to continue being vague.
We realize now that not sharing because of a few depraved people isn’t being fair to the vast majority of people who have only been amazingly supportive and kind.
After Maddie passed away, Mike and I made the decision that we were going to continue with our plan to expand our family. It wasn’t an easy one. We were very worried that people would think we were trying to replace Madeline. And while we were fine with people thinking whatever they wanted about the two of us, we could not stomach the idea that ANYONE would think Maddie was replaceable. Nor could we stand someone thinking our second child wasn’t extremely wanted or loved.
In the first few weeks after Maddie died, I didn’t know how I could ever live. I died on April 7th, but on June 3rd, the day I discovered I was pregnant, I knew I had to live again. She gave me something to live for. This baby, my daughter, has saved my life.
So yes, our second child was conceived not long after our entire life was taken from us. And some people may judge us for this. But until anyone has to say goodbye to the little girl they fought so hard for, they can’t know how it feels. Until they have to replay her dying in front of them every time they close their eyes, they can’t know how it feels. Until they have to talk to an urn that holds their daughter’s remains instead of a living, breathing child, they can’t know how it feels.
I am twenty weeks and five days pregnant. Our second daughter is due on Valentine’s Day.
Anne Y says:
“I am twenty weeks and five days pregnant. Our second daughter is due on Valentine’s Day.”
And we can’t wait to meet her!
I give you guys mad props for everything you have been through and are going through and am amazed everyday by your strength!
.-= Anne Y´s last blog ..Self Breast Exam Refresher Course =-.
I think it’s wonderful that you and Mike have continued to be united and loving with each other and have found the strength to bring a new person into the world. No one is ever replaced.
Mary Ann says:
People can be so cruel. I’m so sorry you have to deal with judgemental remarks from ignorant people during this difficult time. I hope you know how many of us are wrapping our arms around your family, in our thoughts and prayers, and rejoicing each day you get closer to your due date. Binky isn’t even here yet but she is already loved by so many people. Thank you for letting us be a part of this journey. Your precious angel Maddie can never be replaced, and even though I never met her – she will always hold a special place in my heart.
Nancy Smego says:
To even think someone would judge you makes me sick. You and Mike are two parents who obviously love both of your daughters and each other. HUGS HUGS HUGS to you all!!!!!
Kaitlin G says:
HEATHER & MIKE
Congratulations on your Binky! My thoughts and prayers are constantly with you, and with your Maddie… the courage you have shown amazes me day by day…never let the negativity of other impact you lives. Life isnt always beautiful- but our memories, and our future can be- strive to keep it that way.
((HUGS))) Thank you so much for sharing, despite all the hateful people in this world. You guys are so loved.
People will always judge. There will be people who say dumb things and they hurt. Oh yes, they do.
Take heart, Heather. Your Maddie is not replacable and it’s not the reason why Binky is on her way.
When William died, people would say to me Oh well, at least you have other kids.
I used to sit there and think, yes, I have other children, who I love very much but they are not a consolation prize. They were wanted and loved in their own rights, just as William was very much wanted.
When Ivy and Noah came along, many thought we were replacing Will, many thought that Dave and I were fine because we had two more babies to ‘fill the gap’ but its not like that. You can never fill that hole in your heart. You can go a long way to mending it but in the end there is always a piece that cannot be replaced.
Congratulations on your little valentine, may she be another light in your life.
What Tiff said.
No matter what you did, someone out there was going to judge.
I admire you in so many ways. I have followed your story for some time and you have continuously been in my prayers. Your concerns are valid and you have done nothing but the best for you family. Your honesty and openness with everything that you have been through touches my heart so very deeply. I pray that the next half of your pregnancy progresses beautifully and you will be able to hold and cherish a healthy baby girl.
.-= Monica´s last blog ..Friday Favorites October 2, 2009 =-.
I can understand why you were keeping so much to yourself about dates etc. I am so happy that you are at this point in the pregnancy now.
.-= habanerogal´s last blog ..My TV husband this year will be… =-.
I went through similar judgement last year. I also became pregnant shortly after losing my son. My daughter was due on what would have been his 1st birthday – February 20th – so this only added to the hoopla. ( She also lives with the same condition that took his life.) Lots of stupid things were said AND asked! I was weak and held my anger in. Boy do I wish I just let it out!
Good for you for being so proud and so strong! Can’t wait to “meet” Binky.
I just can’t abide anyone being mean to you guys. For anything. Seriously. You lost a child and you have processed a lot of that experience here. Many others walking through heavy, dark things have been able to see, be strengthened by and feel less alone as you share your sorrow and journey. Anyone accusing you of trying to replace Maddie…ugh, it’s just a terrible thing to say. I am SO happy for your new baby and for bright spots of hope in the midst of a very dark year… I can’t even begin to imagine the range of emotions you wade through on a daily basis and I know, right along with you, that every milestone of Binky’s will also carry the weight of the one that wasn’t. How could a child EVER replace another? But there will also be some really, really good times. I know this, too. I think you’re incredibly brave to jump back in. And yet…I’m pretty sure I’d have chosen to do the same thing. Not that I’m as brave as you, but…you know what I mean. I hope. Love you and both those precious girls <3Ag
.-= Annagrace´s last blog ..Guest =-.
Annagrace, feel exactly the same way – thanks for writing so perfectly.
Love to the Spohrs.
Anyone who would dare judge you for this is a worthless piece of repugnant trash. The worst kind.
You are amazing people, I pray for you
Heather (and Mike) — congratulations!
Not just on Binky (’cause this is my first comment, even though I’ve been following for quite some time), but on having the courage to move past the really horrible, unfair things complete strangers might say so that you can continue sharing your (touching, funny, entertaining) perspective on life with the other complete strangers who read your blog and are rooting for the two of you every step of the way. On all sides, you’re choosing life over the alternative — and that should always be supported.
I can’t imagine how anyone who’s ever visited this blog would think either of your daughters are anything but loved and adored by both of you. And that anyone would think it was appropriate to say aloud…just blows my mind (enough that I felt the need to de-lurk just to add another voice on the other side of the scale).
You’re doing what’s right for your family. ‘Nuff said. Sure, we want details, but mostly so we can keep our fingers crossed with you!
I am also de-lurking to add a voice to your support side. I came across your blog a few months ago through a NYTimes blogger, and it took me approximately 0.47 seconds to fall head over heels in love with you and Maddie. Your grace and fortitude are INCREDIBLE. But what strikes me most is the love that permeates every post, every picture, every video, every word. The indelible proof of that love is present in the spark in Maddie’s eyes and the glow of her whole presence, in the touching care of your husband, and in the joy of your second daughter. These things were not simply heaven-sent – they are made by you!! In the face of such daily heartbreak, these things are constants that take our breath away. You are so strong, Heather, you are so strong. People who can say such hurtful things to you are utterly despicable, but in a way, I feel sorry for them, because they clearly cannot see just how full of love and courage you are, and that makes them pretty tragic figures.
By bringing Binky into the world, you’ve expanded that love, and that’s just all the more awing! This daughter brings you hope and love, and there are no better qualities on this earth. You, Mike, Maddie, Binky and Rigby – you’re all responsible for a rippling of love and concern across states – even countries! So just know, when someone has the audacity to send you something mean and hurtful, that thousands of miles away, people are pulling up your blog and reading, praying for a good day, sending support, marking off another week towards a goal of a person they’ve never met. Your honesty and the love you share have woven a human network of the most beautiful kind imaginable. To us, it doesn’t matter when Binky was conceived; it matters when Binky is born!!! So thank you, and Congratulations again, and we cannot wait to “meet” Binky, but we will, because we’re here – seen or unseen – to support you all!
Wow. So well said!! I agree with EVERYTHING Ellen and Megan said. We love you, Heather!
I think that anyone who’s said a mean thing to you would’ve said the mean thing no matter what you’d done. You could’ve made all the opposite choices, and they’d try to find a way to bring you down. That’s just how some people are. And if they’re reading this right now, and cursing me to their keyboard, and saying I’m wrong, well, that just proves my point. For what it’s worth, if I ever had to stand in your shoes, I’d do everything you did. I admire you so much as a mother and a writer. I love you the amazing Spohrs!
J in eire says:
So well expressed, I am one of the unseen (across the world in Ireland. . ) but thinking of you heather, mike, maddie, binky, & rigby. I read your blog all the time, & although I am not religious in the conventional sense (holy catholic Ireland), I believe in the power of good that connects us all. In Reading your blog I am a MUCH better mother to my 2 girls, your kindness of heart, and strong spirit (complete sense of fun) does have a positive ripple effect across the world, it is truly powerful, the negative energy expressed by the nasty few-that’s going nowhere, trapped in their own bodies where it does untold harm. . . Always know even though I have never commented before, I like many others am reading, gaining so much from your writing in my own life, and projecting your light right back at you ! ! !
I am so relieved to hear that you are more than halfway along.
Reading that Binky has saved your life made me misty-eyed. I am looking forward to hearing more about your [wanted, cherished, loved] second daughter. (&, of course, Maddie and your whole family.)
Good Morning dear sweet lady,
Congratulations on being 20 weeks and 5 days pregnant with your second baby. Thanks you so much for sharing this very special information with your readers, it really is such an honour for us to share in these details. There are so many of your readers all over the world who are just over the moon for you and Mike. I for one was so delighted to hear the wonderful news of your pregnancy and then to hear that the extra special Binky Bean is a girl. I’m so happy and excited for you and Mike. Heather, you and Mike are just the most amazing and loving parents, you guys are made to be parents. Your Binky Bean is one lucky lady, just like her big sister Maddie. I cannot for the life of me imagine why or how anyone in their right mind would want to send you wonderful and amazing people hate mail and negative comments. I hope you simply deleted without even reading and spent your time and energy reading all the lovely messages of support from all your fans all over the world. And there are so many of us!!
You are such an amazing lady, Heather Spohr. I can’t wait for your Binky Bean to be in your arms, she already has such a special place in my heart – right there alongside the special place I shall always have for the World Famous Maddie.
Take care wonderful Mama, you are so loved by so many people all over the world.
your friend, Erica in Luxembourg
You should never have to justify it… Anybody with any smidgeon of clue could work out that Binky is not – and never will be – a Maddie replacement.
Both of your girls are (or will be) AMAZING in their own right, and completely irreplaceable.
Even though she WILL be early, what a perfect little valentine =))) Keeping everything crossed for you guys, feeling more and more confident with each doctor schmoctor post that things will go well for you, but don’t want to jinx you by saying that it is a given.
Big, big hugs. And screw anyone who judges you for the whens and the whys
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Watching daddy play beach volleyball =-.
I can’t fathom why anyone would say anything mean to you and your family.
I’ve followed your blog since the day Maddy passed away and Matt (Logelin) announced it on his blog. I’ve cried for you on many occasions. I, too, have wondered your EDD, but figured if you wanted to share, you would. And, every day, I hope with you that Binky will grow and thrive and be born a full-term (or near!), healthy baby.
You are in my thoughts. I know you can barely get out of bed some (most?) mornings, but honestly – your strength is amazing. I am floored.
.-= Claire´s last blog ..Our time on stage is so brief =-.
P.S. I wanted to apologize for typing “Maddy” above, like Matt’s Maddy! I meant to type “Maddie,” for your Maddie!
Also, January 28th is a beautiful day; my son’s birthday. How special that it was Maddie's EDD. (It wasn't his – he was due in late Feb. lol)
.-= Claire´s last blog ..Our time on stage is so brief =-.
mom, again says:
This made me giggle, because my Maddie decided the ‘ie’ was somehow a poor choice on my part and respelled her name as Maddy. It’s been a couple of years now, but I’m still always writing the wrong thing and crossing it out to start again. Or thinking I’ve got it wrong but only after crossing it out and writing the wrong one do I realize I was right before. And she rolls her eyes and *sighs* at me about it.
Thanks for sharing! No one could replace Madeline. While I do not know you IRL, you are amazing good people and I could not imagine anyone thinking less. Congrats on 20 weeks. We continue to pray for you and Binky in hopes of a long (near term) pregnancy.
It makes me sad that you would have to think about people being awful and judgy.
Congrats to you and Mike at the 20 week mark. You are in my thoughts daily.
Sending hugs and good thoughts from Canada… could you send some warmer weather?
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Babies Can Teach You Stuff =-.
I cannot even comprehend that (or why) people would be so disgusting and evil. Depraved is the perfect word for it. Seriously…they’re depraved.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Mike and Binky. You are, even though you may not realize or feel it now, strong, incredible and an inspiration.
.-= Elaina´s last blog ..A Slow Burn by Mary DeMuth =-.
Excuse my crudeness, but anyone who would judge you for that is not worth their weight in dog shit. Love to you and Mike, and Maddie, and that beautiful blessing of a baby.
LOL! It’s crude, but so true!!!!!!!!
I’ve been following your blog and your story for a while now and this is my 1st comment. I’m from Pretoria, South Africa.
I am truly sorry about Maddie and very happy that you’re expecting again.
Treat the negative comments with the disdain it deserves and be happy for yourselves. You owe it to yourselves and to your children – ALL of them.
Keep the faith, we will continue to read and support from our side.
.-= Krista´s last blog ..Hypotha-what? =-.
First of all, people suck.
Second… you know, when I read your last post (about Maddie) I just kept thinking about how wonderful she was and how much I miss her. How much *I* miss her, I that never met her in real life but just stumbled upon this website a while ago and loved her and the 4 of you (including Rigby) as a family.
If I feel that way, how can anyone doubt that you love and miss Madeline the way you do? How can people say you’re trying to replace her?
I’m sure we will all love Binky and will love to read every new update you give us about her, but that does not mean we will in any way ever forget Maddie or want you to stop talking about her regularly.
She’s always going to be a part of you and your family and us, your readers.
The fact that someone would question that or try to besmirch that by throwing their disgusting cynicism or poison into the mix just blows my mind, in a bad way.
So again: screw them! They suck! Etc.!
I couldn’t put my thoughts into words any better! Family members aren’t replaced, families continue to grow and thrive – as evidenced by you, Mike, Rigby, and Binky.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Got something on your mind? Say it. No worries. =-.
Tell everyone who tries to judge you both to poke it. Maintaining a connection, any connection to each other during the horror of what happened in April and HOW you did that is no-one’s business but your own.
I am so happy that you are pregnant again, not for any other reason than it is something that both you and Mike wanted.
Lots of love, Mads xx
.-= Maddie´s last blog ..Le wedding AKA “Best laid plans of mice” =-.
I have been following your story for quite a while now, first by proxy from Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka, and now through your own website. In so many ways, it is the most terrible and beautiful story I have every read– terrible for the incredible losses suffered, the asinine insensitivites of people towards the miracle of you conceving Binky, and wonderful for the pure love that shines through your eyes as you talk about BOTH of your daughters, and the love and joy in Maddie’s eyes in all of the pictures you have posted.
I just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers– for an easy preganacy, for an easement to the rightful and inevitable grief you feel, for always remembering the joy that Maddie brought into your life more than any pain you might have felt in your struggles, and for you to know how many people love you and are proud of you, and embrace you and your family with open arms. I am due with my first child on January 21st, and every time I think about complaining about my life/ pregnancy/whatever, I remember your courage and strength (even though I know you may not feel strong or couragous all the time), and know that I have nothing to complain about. You are an inspiration.
.-= Sa´s last blog ..Weekend Update =-.
i don’t really know what i believe in spiritually, nor do i know what your beliefs are, but i do believe in karma. people who are mean or do bad things only have mean or bad things come to them until they amend their past transgressions. people who offer nothing but kindness, love and happiness receive that in return.
there may not be some universal spirit that directs this process, but i know it works. those who judge you will be judged by others. you have done nothing but show the public kindness by opening up your life to us, in good times and bad, and have suffered more than most people have and more than anyone should. binky is something, someone that you not only need, but you deserve. don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t.
my mother always told me that i need to do what makes me happy. i’m not living for my friends, or that dude that flipped me off in traffic, or the cashier at the grocery who judges me for digging through my purse forever for my debit card. you live for heather and your family. don’t let anyone plant the seed of doubt in your head. only what you think (and those whose opinions you value) matters.
Valerie L says:
I am a new follower. And I want to say you are a brave wonderful woman. I can only imagine what you and Mike are going through loosing your beautiful and amazing daughter and now expecting another beautiful and amazing daughter.
Please know that a very small group of horrible internet people would only be the ones to think or say anything judgmental. Us here in the other corner, although strangers, offer our support and love.
And a happy congratulations on the new little one. And if you ever need it a virtual (( hug )).
Thank you for telling all of us who just wish you the very best whatever your choices are.
You and Mike are profoundly courageous and loving persons.
You’ll always be the parents of TWO daughters once “Valentine” is born, forever and ever, for better and for worse.
And we all know it.
If I could hug you, I would do it.
What a great day to have as a due date! Even if she comes on a different day!
You and Mike are wonderful people, and there is NO JUDGING coming from me!
Live your lives to make each other and your family happy!
May you be blessed with love, health and happiness!
.-= Krystal´s last blog ..Where is my Adivan? =-.
The fact that you and Mike are able to survive this, together, is a giant victory. Anyone who tries to take that away is a monster.
I”m genuinely thrilled for you both and cannot wait to “meet” Binky. I’m sure she will be just as beautiful and unique as her big sister.
She is a blessing to you and I’m sure was hand-picked by Maddie.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
How DARE people judge you! That makes me so angry. Lots of love and hugs to you, Mike, Binky and Rigby. Thank you again for being so open with your story, you are teaching us all great lessons in strength, love and compassion.
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..Tsunami =-.
Thankyou for sharing yet another facet of your life. And to the nasty, lowlife scumbags who would send you hate mail (seriously?! Hate Mail?!!), I just pray they never have to know the pain that you as a family live with every day.
Congratulations to you, Mike and of course the beautiful Maddie. x
Anyone who is a parent knows children are not replaceable, period. And anyone who thinks they are isn’t worth listening to, period.
What on Earth could be wrong with trying to create some happiness after such utter devastation?
Binky is obviously wanted and loved for who she is, Maddie’s little sister NOT Maddie’s replacement.
If she has to be born before Valentine’s Day may I suggest Groundhog’s Day, my birthday? (Feb. 2)
Lots of love to you all!
Marti from Michigan says:
Groundhog day is also my granddaughter’s birthday. She will turn 5 years old on ground hog day 2010.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Having gone through loss in our own lives, I can say with utmost conviction that choosing to move forward and live your life is the bravest choice. It is also the right choice.
I’m behind you 1,000,000 percent. Maddie is precious. Thank goodness you chose to love again and bring another beautiful baby into the world.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I’m knee deep in cotton balls =-.
I want to punch people who judge you. How dare they! And what are perfect due date for sweet Maddie’s sister.
Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba) says:
You turned to each other in your extreme grief. That’s beautiful. I think the timing is beautiful.
I’ll keep praying.
.-= Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)´s last blog ..My husband cut my bangs… =-.
Mean people are just awful. I’m so sorry you and Mike have had to deal with them.
Moving on to more pleasant topics. I think it’s really very appropriate that Binkys due date is Valentines Day. After all she is such a symbol of hope for the future and love.
Why she’s just like your own little Cupid.
Il never forget Maddie but I’m excited to meet Binky.
But not until 36 weeks. Until then Binky keep chillin out inside your mom. :).
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Doctor Visits From Hell =-.
You have created once again a beautiful thing. I admire your strength and courage and especially your will power. You are an amazing women Heather. My due date is Jan 20 2010, I knew we were very close, the way you are able to handle all the side effects of pregnancy ( morning sickness etc) makes me feel like a baby you are amazing and Maddie is blessed that her family is expanding she probably picked her out herself
This makes me cry – both because I am SO HAPPY for you guys, and cannot wait to meet Binky – but because of the *(&@*&*^& who think it’s OK to judge you or send hate mail or even feel like that have a right to say ANYTHING that is less than 100% supportive of you guys. It is shocking to me that these people exist. Maybe it shouldn’t be – but it is. You and Mike have been so generous in sharing Maddie’s story and your stories with us through your blogs -and anyone who has anything negative to say to you needs to SHUT THE EFF UP.
xo from CT,
.-= amanda´s last blog ..31 for 21 – aw yeah, it’s on! =-.
Kim R says:
Binky was conceived with more love than anyone can imagine. The timing does not matter, and anyone who even questions that has no right to even be reading your blog. I am so happy for you. Even though I am just another faceless person out here who you will probably never meet, please know that I look forward to reading your blog every day, and pray for your family often.
I found your blog a couple months ago and have spent hours pouring over the many entries of Madeline. It just breaks my heart to hear what you are going through. When I heard you were pregnant I was so happy for you and felt a connection because we had found out we were pregnant too (our first). I’m 20 weeks pregnant on Sat. and our due date is Feb. 20. We are having our 20 week UA today and will find out gender. I’m so happy for you and Mike and will pray that things continue to go well for you in your pregnancy.
I have been following your blog for a long time and this is the first time I have written. I’m so sorry that people feel that they have to tell you how to run your life. Nothing will ever replace Maddie but this child will be just as special and loved as her sister is. Don’t let these people get you down. I think it’s wonderful that Valentine’s Day is her due date!
Good for you! You are very brave.
Wishing you a healthy second half of this pregnancy!
I cannot believe that come people could send you hate messages. All you deserve is lots of love, and that’s what I’m sending you right now. Big hugs to all of you, including Maddie and Binky! (and Rigby, let’s not forget Rigby!)
argh … screw those people. those who haven’t walked in your shoes should never judge. wouldn’t the world be an awesome place if everyone believed that? or if we just didn’t judge in hatred? wow.
congratulations on your valentine-ish baby.
she will never be a replacement. no child ever is.
.-= jen´s last blog ..blue. =-.
Anyone who has read your blog will know that Maddie is utterly irreplaceable.
I’m sure that Binky will be as much of a sweet wonderful individual as Madeline is that there can be no doubt that Binky was conceived and loved for herself, not to try and fill a Maddie-shaped hole.
Thinking of all of you guys, every day.
Heather and Mike…
Congrats on little Binky. Maddy with never be replaced and her cute and funny little smiles will live and shine on through little binky.
I am happy that you are sharing this info about binky and not stepping back. You don’t have to justify anything…some days I am so busy that i feel like i have to set time aside to brush my teeth…who are these people anyway making negative comments. I just think they have a pretty sad existence and are jealous of the all the love that you are receiving. I know that there will be no shortage of love for binky and she is a blessing. Ignore the negative and continue to heal. You and mike are incredible parents. You don’t need to explain or justify anything.
You don’t have to justify yourselves to ANYONE…it isn’t anyone’s business. Our job, if we decide to take it, is to provide love and support from afar. Your decision to expand your family is yours alone…to think that someone would say horrible things about a baby…two babies… is deplorable. Your shoes are not some that are easily put on by another…but I am happy to walk next to you to lighten you step if you need it.
Be Well. Be Healthy and Happy.
I just asked for her due date because I knew you two would be happier once there was another baby in the house, not because I cared when she was concieved. That’s none of our business. And everyone who saw the post about Maddie’s big sister shirt will KNOW that you aren’t trying to replace her or that Binky isn’t wanted or loved.
Thank you once again for sharing.
I don’t know you from Adam and I would never judge you. How anyone could think ANY person, much less a child is replaceable is beyond me. I agree with everyone else, you have to justify yourselves to no one. Best wishes to your lovely family!
Screw mean people. I can not wait to see Binky and I’m glad she is the reason for you to live. Thank you for sharing.
.-= Trish´s last blog ..stinky feet =-.
People who send hate mail should remember that karma’s a nasty bitch.
I am truly amazed that people would judge on this issue. It only seems logical that you would want to continue your family after Maddie passed. I am so happy you were able to conceive quickly and give youself a reason to go on.
What an awesome due date for your little Binky!
How disgusting that anybody could say such hurtful things, nobody has the right to judge you!
The best thing to help ease such a hole in the heart & soul is hope for the future, don’t let anyone’s idiotic opinions take that from you.
I was terrified to the day I gave birth to my second baby after a prem, it doesn’t go away (moreso in your case of course), but take heart that your Drs are obviously monitoring every single thing.
You are amazing & strong & little Binky will be the most cherished & adored baby, & that’s really all that matters.
.-= Daria´s last blog ..On Having A Whole Hour To Myself & Not Even Making Dinner Before I Left… =-.
Your courage gives me strength. Thank you for that, and for sharing with us.
I’m amazed how people can be vicious and hurtful. I’m another blog reader who reads your blog daily. I’m a mom of a Maddie too and I know how special those Maddie’s can be!
Congratulations on your pregnancy. As usual, another beautifully written post.
Jen @ lifelove'n'wine says:
I can’t believe that some people can be so evil. Thank you for continuing to share your story with us…I can’t wait to hear more about Binky.
.-= Jen @ lifelove’n’wine´s last blog ..Unhealthy Conversations =-.
Lisa Wood says:
not sure how any one could be so mean. You have every right to experience the joy of another beautiful child….and Maddie could never ever be replaced. It amazes me that anyone could think otherwise. My grandma gave me a saying when i was younger (that I now pass down onto my boys) “What goes around comes around”, so those that think they have a right to judge and say nasty things….really need to think before they speak.
You are so very amazing for sharing your joy, you pain, your grief and once again your joy.
May your next baby be as beautiful as sweet Maddie, but with their own little personality.
Love sent to you all…..with Maddie being a big sister, looking after her new sister to be.
.-= Lisa Wood´s last blog ..So Need More Time!! =-.
This note sends nothing but love and support to you. Thank you for continuing to share your story with the interent. Your love for Maddie is so obvious, I don’t know how anyone could not see it. It is kind of neat to know how far along you are.
I wish you all the best!
I can’t believe anyone would judge you for living your lives. I find you both terribly brave and honest and applaud you both. Keep on keepin’ on!
I am sorry that you ever had to read a single word of a negative email. You guys, of all people, deserve nothing but kindness and support. Congratulations on your little girl!
I have been reading your blog for a long time, although I rarely post. But I just have to say congratulations, and you should be thrilled about your pregnancy. Who cares about all the depraved horrible people out there. Thank you for sharing your journey through life, and for continuing to remind us all of your beautiful daughter Maddie.
Ugh ugh ugh! What is WRONG with people? What you should have waited to feel hope in your life again? What a repusive idea.
Cheri in MD says:
Thanks for sharing! I am sending you tons of stay put vibes for your new little one. And happy and healthy wishes for the remainder of your pregnancy.
After reading every entry in your blog, I always found myself so sad for your loss, of course, but also so sad that 2 such wonderfully awesome parents are not able to continue to raise the little girl they love and fought for with every ounce of their being. And then you announced you were pregnant. My heart soared for you! I never once thought of this baby as a replacement, Maddie is most certainly irreplaceable…but this baby is a whole new adventure for you and your family. A new chapter. I think of how lucky Binky is to have you and Mike as parents.
I like to think of Maddie as a great teacher. She taught you and Mike to become the fabulous parents that you are, a gift that you can now share with your precious Binky. And Binky has the best guardian angel watching over her forever.
I can not fathom anyone having anything but positive thoughts for you. Unfortunately, there are all types in the world and I am sorry that any evil ones have crossed your path. Hopefully they go away as quickly as they came in.
Nothing but love from me to you and your family!!!
Nellie - New York says:
Thank you for sharing such a special, most precious date with us.
I can’t even begin to imagine all that you’ve been through and will continue to go through but do know that you and Mike are AMAZING parents.
Those who deliberately judge and hurt with their words and actions are the ones who are missing heart and soul within themselves. They thrive in making people miserable because that is what they feel on a daily basis. It’s sad knowing that there are so many out there like that.
Sending you hugs and wrapping you in positive support and love!
I have been following “silently” for a really long time now.
I wept when you lost your sweet Maddie.
I cried when you announced your pregnancy.
I have wanted to comment so many other times but just could not come up with anything to say.
This post shows your strength and your love for BOTH of your daughters.
Thank you so very much for sharing of yourself with all of us.
Laura from The Queen of Hyperbole says:
I’m glad that you shared Binky’s due date. I can imagine, for all of the reasons you mentioned, why doing so must have been very difficult.
There are, as you know, so many people out here thinking fondly of you and your family. Why anyone would visit this blog to judge and to hurt you is unfathomable to me. Worse than unfathomable, it’s heartless. Just heartless.
Best wishes to you, Heather.
I am a long time reader of your blog but 1st time commenter. I have a daughter that is the same age as Maddie, when she died I had a hard time not thinking about something like that happening to my daughter. I cannot even imagine the heartbreak you are going though. I try to believe that everything happens for a reason but I can not see any reason for taking a sweet, innocent, precious baby like Maddie. I had another baby 3 months ago so I still remember all the things my OB told me about the pregnance. The main thing being worry and stress are so bad for a pregnance and I know you know this so try not to worry as much as possible, which I understand is impossible. And know that you are so right there are more people that are behind you and support you then there are people that disagree and judge you unfairly. They all just do not comment.
I wish you and Mike all the best!
Vickie Couturier says:
How can anyone be mean an cruel to you after what you have been thru,its amazing how mean people can be,I heard a man say once that your business ends where my nose begins,no child is replaceable,BUT I believe that God makes our hearts expandable to love more children,I was blessed with 2 children,an then I marred a man with 3,they were all grown when we married,I didnt know I could love anyone elses children but I do, an then we adopted our teenage foster daughter an my heart grew more,anyone who sees us cant tell whom is whos,because we love them all! an now with 5 grandchildren,my heart got even bigger,God bless you an your husband you have been thru hell an I for one am behind whatever you guys do,whatever bits of happiness you get you deserve,no one should have to go thru what you have,I hope for nothing but good things from now on,an anybody who says mean things should get on their knees an pray for forgiveness for hurting you guys,God BLess sweetie!
Hi Heather and Mike,
I read everyday and have composed many comments, but never sent them. It is so hard to know what to say. The very idea that anyone would judge your decision to have another child is just beyond me. The fact that people have sent you hate mail just enrages me. If you ever need someone to hunt those people down and explain to them exactly why that is not their place, you just let me know. I thank you for sharing your story and sharing your beautiful Maddy with the world. I am so happy for you both that your pregnancy is going well and so, so happy that you will be having another daughter. I have to think the people who say hateful things are not parents. Every parent knows that no matter how many children you have, none of then is replaceable. But, having children is the only thing that would make me go on after what you have experienced is my other children. I can’t imagine that there is a parent out there who would say different.
I commend you on deciding to continue with your plan to grow your family. It must have been a terribly hard decision to make. I pray that this baby girl continues to be a blessing in your lives and that your pregnancy continues to go smoothly. May be lifted up by the life that grows from within you.
Shannon Kieta says:
Anyone who has a negative thing to say is going to burn in hell, trust me! Ignorant people like that pay dearly, one way or the other! I can’t imagine what negative things people could possibly say about the two of you. You are the most wonderful people ever! You were and are the BEST mother ever. Binky is going to be the LUCKIest baby girl in the world! (next to mine of course!) ha ha! Maddie had the best mom and Dad ever and she knew it! It showed it her face in every picture you took of her, I know it’s hard to ignore ignorant people, but they are NOT worth the time of day if you ask me. I’d like to put them all on a boat, send them out in the middle of the ocean and leave it out there until the sharks eat them alive!!! Sounds cruel, but that’s how they make us feel when they are mean, so why not be mean back? Take care of yourself, You, and Binky are going to be just fine. I have no doubt that you will go your full term. I may have een wrong about the gender, but I am NOT wrong about this! Now, go eat something!!!!!
I’m not one to post, but just wanted to say that your child, or any child for that matter is not replaceable. Pure and simple, Maddie will always be your daughter, period. I can only imagine that when you suffer a loss like that, you do what you can to get threw the days and thankfully this seems to have brought you and your husband closer when for many couples it would mean splitting up. Those that have negative comments, brush off. You don’t have the time or energy to deal with it, and honestly if it’s not from someone who knows you personally in your day to day life, they don’t warrant your attention. Build your family and get on with enjoying life. You deserve it. Life’s too short not to enjoy every moment.
you are so elegant in justifying things that need no justification. I love following your progression and while I will never be blessed with children I know that there are people out there who are going through something (whether pregnancy or whatever) who will find amazing comfort in your honesty and for that I hope some day you won’t have to justify or apologize for your actions. You rock in so many ways
sabrina in Philly says:
I love this post! I am so happy that on June 3rd you decided to live again!!
You and Mike are so amazing and strong, I am sure there are days you two feel completely opposite.
We (your readers) support every decision you make and think you are doing the best you can. With everything you have to deal with!
Take care of yourself and YAY for Binky’s Due date!! Its so nice to know
.-= sabrina in Philly´s last blog ..Just write already, but about what?? =-.
Lindsay from Florida says:
One of the beauties of the Internet is a blog like yours. One of the evils is that sick people think they have a complete right to voice whatever irrational and cruel ideas come into their head, under a cloak of relative anonymity.
That anyone sent you hate mail or judged you for your second pregnancy is inhumane to me. (Not too strong a word!!!) I, along with almost everyone else who reads, find it beautiful and life-affirming and hopeful that you and Mike decided to continue with your plan to expand your family even in the darkest time of both your lives.
Binky, your most precious little Valentine, is so many things: a blessing, a miracle, a perfect little sister. For anyone to view her and this second pregnancy in any other light is baffling to me.
Alright, rant over. Thank you for being brave enough to share something so personal. Now we all know to think late Jan./early Feb. thoughts! We all love you, Heather.
ali (adil320) says:
You are amazing. Absolutely and completely amazing.
I wish that in the minor losses I personally have had to suffer, that i had conducted myself with as much class and grace as you have during this unbearable time.
Much love from PA, and when I meet you…you are SO getting love tackeled.
PS- 40degrees here this morning. Sweater weather is ON!
.-= ali (adil320)´s last blog ..Together But Apart =-.
Congrats, Heather and Mike. Binky was already a valentine to your heart, long before anyone knew the due date. It’s infuriating to me that anyone would have the gall to question the decisions you make for your family.
.-= Ellen´s last blog ..Have you ever? =-.
Beautifully written by Ellen….just as this post is so beautifully written. Heather, it seems to me as if this blog is a love letter of sorts to your children, so it’s perfect that sweet Binky is due that day. It seems like a date hand-picked by your darling Maddie as a sentiment of love to you as well!
My son got hurt yesterday, and I was there but was helpless to stop it from happening. We both cried as I cared for his fat lip and bump on his head. I thought of you and Mike and how beyond horrible your experiences on April 7th were. My heart hurts for you still, but is also thrilled for the joy you have with Binky in your life.
Thinking of you, Mike, Maddie, Binky & Rigby everyday…
Michele in Staten Island, NY
You are a beautiful writer. And I can’t imagine how people, knowing your situation, could possibly judge you. I am glad that you and Mike were able to find solace in each other after Maddie died, and I’m so happy that you are expecting.
If you let me know who sent you hate mail, I’ll go beat them up.
Erin in ME
cindy w says:
Catie was due on Feb. 2nd, born on Jan. 27th. My pregnancy timeline is pretty darn close to both of yours. I love that this little girl is going to be the greatest Valentine’s gift ever (even if that isn’t her birthday).
Also? Trolls can #suckit. Much love to you, Mike & Binky.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..on gun control =-.
Amber McN says:
I commend you two for holding on to each other during this awful time. Too many families break apart when I child is lost. Maddie would have never wanted you to loose the rest of your lives because she was gone.
Binky’s your hope and I’m so happy she’s here. But I was so utterly joyous when I heard you were expecting. It told me Maddie’s parents were going to be hurting… but they were going to make it.
.-= Amber McN´s last blog ..September (part hopefully-the-only-one) =-.
I’m crying so many different tears for you right now. Tears of sorrow for the loss of such a beautiful little girl, tears of joy that your having a little sister for Maddie and she is doing so well and tears of thanks for your brutal honesty. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’ve said it before, your writing has made me the best mom I can possibly be. I’ll be forever grateful to you for that.
I can’t imagine that anyone would be so cruel and mean-spirited as to make unkind remarks about your family and your decisions … REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY MIGHT THINK.
I think you are the bravest and most honest person I have read. I am not a religious person at all, but I think I probably come closest to prayer when thinking about you and all you’ve been through.
I send my very best wishes your way every time I read an entry. I am thrilled for all four of you – and I am happy you are able to rise above and unkindness you may encounter.
I’m so sorry if anyone has been judgy. That makes me SO angry. I am so happy that you are having Binky and that she has brought you rays of hope.
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..More Sketching =-.
karen M. says:
There are cruel people in the world, true. But don’t you give them an ounce of your energy.
We’re all counting with you…
.-= karen M.´s last blog ..The Start of Something Big… =-.
I am soo happy for you guys. Of course Maddie will NEVER be replaced, you can’t replace kids, duh! Some people are true morons and you just need to write them off. Can’t wait to meet Binky =)
someone is always going to be juging us for something. onlyt we know in our hearts what is true, and what is best for us. it turns my stomach to even think someone would be so cruel to you and mike, makes me so sad that there are people so cruel in this world. I am so very happy for you guys!! your love for Maddie shines through the two of you and she will shine through her sister!
.-= jenn´s last blog ..Fall Special! =-.
Michelle in the MN says:
I have followed your blog since before your beautiful daughter, Maddie, passed away (from Matt’s blog). I am terribly sorry for your loss. The fear of losing a child is unbearable and one no parent(s) should ever have to face. I have never commented before (more of a silent follower and well wisher), but this entry has made me want to comment. How DARE anyone judge, make bad, horrible, mean comments to you and your husband around your pregnancy or Maddie. It is no ones business when you conceived or when your new little girl is due…besides yours. However, if you are one that believes in signs….Feb. 14th – a day for love. I don’t know…maybe I’m just rambling….but that is a great due date. ? I enjoy reading your blog…you are honest and true. Congratulations….good luck through the rest of your pregnancy…I will be following along. She is one lucky little girl….she has you guys for her parents and a true guardian angel!
Thank you for sharing. I am always happy to hear more details about Binky and at the same time a little disappointed. I had thought you were a little further along. And like you, I will feel a little more relieved when 28 weeks and 6 days has passed. I love you guys (even though you have no clue who I am) and want only happiness for you in the future. And it makes me angry that some people wanted to take away from that happiness with hateful comments. I am so excited about meeting Binky next year.
Oh man. Should I be so stunned that the anonymous internet shrews that live only to spew vitriol have made you feel like you had to explain yourself?
You and Mike do what you and Mike gotta do and to hell with the rest of them. Anyone with a lick of sense would know that you NEVER replace what was lost. Rather, you open your hearts and arms to the newest addition. The more rational among you are just as exasperated with these others that don’t seem to get that.
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..We’ve moved and I’m a year older. =-.
I’m so sorry that you’d have to deal with any people who criticize or make you feel bad. But hopefully you have hundreds more good internet “friends” than bad.
We’re all pulling for you, sending you positive thoughts, praying for you, doing dances for you – whatever it takes to get you through the next TWENTY weeks. And while we can’t wait to meet Binky, I for one, don’t want to see her until she’s done cooking.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Decisions =-.
Tracy I says:
Heather – thanks for sharing your story and Binky’s due date…. Every morning when I get to work, the first thing I do is read your new post. I’m so excited for the day we meet your little Valentine!
Hugs to you and Mike!
((((hugs)))) to you both. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I’m so happy that this new life has given you hope.
I was on local tv news for more than a decade and I received so many emails and calls that were so awful. Your blog gives some people the idea that they are invited into your life…your entire life…when they need to realize there are boundaries to their invitation. They are allowed in at time and not at others. There are not entitled to anything. Your blog is also an inspiration to so many of us to appreciate and love our children…perhaps be more patient and thankful. I’m so glad you have chosen to continue to let us in and be part of your life.
Those hateful people have always been out there and will continue to be out there…be strong and just hit ‘delete’…though I know that is easier said than done.
When I was pregnant people wrote my news director and told him to fire the fat girl. People can really be just plain evil…though I am still shocked that they would target someone grieving…I guess that should tell you just how depraved they really are.
God bless you and your beautiful family. I hope these positive posts make you smile and I’m praying for 38 1/2 weeks gestation…just like my peanut.
Love and hugs…
.-= Karen´s last blog ..With a Heavy Heart… =-.
Anyone who would judge you in any way is sick, truly, truly sick. I can’t imagine that anyone questions how very much you loved Maddie and having this new baby has no bearing on that. You are wonderful and courageous and inspiring. DO NOT let anyone make you feel otherwise.
F* the haters. You can’t replace a person. That is ridiculous and ignorant. Your family is your own. They have no more business judging your decisions than they do in your bedroom. I can’t think of anyone who would really, truly, willingly walk a mile in your shoes. I am putting those people in the “stupid is as stupid does” column.
You go, Girl, and keep cooking that wonderful Valentine.
First if all, thank you for sharing your life. I hope that this outlet had helped you in some way. I know from many comments I have read that you have helped many too.
It pains me knowing that with all you have been through, you get hurtful comments and hate mail. People judging others just gets under my skin. No one truly knows what they would do in your situation unless they go through it themselves. And I hate that you feel you need to explain when and why you conceived. It is nobodys business! I truly believe that anyone that has another child after losing another is not a form of replacement.
I am so happy you feel a reason to get up and continue to live. This baby is so blessed to be coming into your family. She will always have a special angel with her.
I wish I could hug you, so I’ll end this with my usual…
~ Hugs from TX
I have to admit – I was so curious as to the due date – not because I was trying to figure out when you conceived…but I feel like I’m holding my breath with you – okay how far along is she – how far does she have to go – I’m praying and hoping and nervous right there and I don’t really “know” you. The “haters” don’t deserve even a mention – they don’t deserve one of your precious thoughts. Just know there people out there who are struggling beside you – and may or may not comment but are always checking on you and wishing you peace. xoxo
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..The Pity Party is Raging =-.
There was and is only ONE MADDIE and Binky is not a replacement. That anyone could say that to you breaks my heart. There are some very sick people in this wonderful world. Please never let anyone ruin your happiness or joy about Binky.
.-= Jodi´s last blog ..The kinds of people I hate…ON FACEBOOK =-.
Stacy smith says:
Thanks for sharing this, I don’t comment often but reading your story always makes me think of my mom: my sister (whom I never met) was born just before 28 weeks and passed way six weeks later. My mom too was pregnant shortly therafter, I have never wondered why or thought poorly of she and my dad for it. Until a person has felt your grief they have no ability to comprehend what you are going through. For my mom, having me (her next successful and full term pregnancy after my sister passed) replaced the empty space in her arms, but never was I used a replacement for my sister.
Susan (woo222) says:
No one has any right to make any judgments and you certainly have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing could ever replace Maddie, she was special beyond words. Binky will be special beyond words too, in her own way, but that doesn’t fill the hole left from Maddie’s absence. I’m really happy for you and Mike, and yet I know your daily struggle with grief must be horrific. Sending you all love, Susan
.-= Susan (woo222)´s last blog ..Instructions are for Schmucks =-.
What a beautiful due date, for a beautiful baby girl — even if it will not be her birthday! I’m so sorry that while grieving such a horrible loss, others had to add hate and more grief on top of things. Your blog is truly inspiring, and I can’t wait to meet little Binky whenever she decides to arrive!! (hopefully not for many, many more months!!)
I don’t remember if I have ever left a comment, but I have been reading since April. I just wanted to say a few things. People who say hurtful things are only revealing who THEY are, not who you are. You don’t owe anybody an explanation.
My prayers have been with you since April, and more so now.
It’s no one’s business. Sharing your due date is an act of grace towards the people who are holding their breath with you until Binky is born.
Hate mail is pathetic and disgusting. You guys are beautiful. There’s nothing more to say.
“Sharing your due date is an act of grace towards the people who are holding their breath with you until Binky is born. ”
Beautifully said, Thank you!
.-= deej´s last blog ..Don’t Look Back =-.
How dare anyone judge you. ugh it makes me so upset and mad to think about this, i have to exit this post.
x 10000 Heather and Mike. Please know that there are many many more of us that support your every move than those pathetic enough to try and tell you how to live your life.
Mrs. Cline says:
I rarely comment but read everyday. I’m so glad you shared this. Your precious girls have & are impacting lives.
My baby was due on February 18, but she’s playing with Maddie. The two of them, and thousands of other angels, are keeping special watch over you & Binky.
Midwest Mommy says:
The people who were mean to you make me want to scream! Ugh!
.-= Midwest Mommy´s last blog ..It’s Giveaway Time! =-.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart in this post. Much love and prayers to you.
Only you know what’s right for you and I am one of those people who will keep reading and keep supporting.
My nephew was born on valentine’s day, my sister-in-law says that day became way better than it ever was before and reinforced that the day really is all about love. Even though Binky won’t be born on valentine’s day it is nice that her due date is a date all about love
I think it is so sad that people feel the need to judge others, especially those who are in a situation they know nothing about. I wish you didn’t have to explain yourself and that everyone would just wrap their arms around you guys in support and not judge. Instead just know that there are so many of us out here just loving and supporting you through it all.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Singing In The Rain =-.
Heather – I shake my head w/sadness when I read that people feel like they have the right or the nerve to judge you and MIke for any decision you have made.
We dont know each other, but I feel like I do though your writing. I feel like a part of your family, sharing your pain and loss and also your joy and hope.
Thank you for sharing with the world and for those people who feel that its their right to judge and speak mean/hateful things to you or about you should really take a few steps back, examine themselves and then go to another blog. THere is no room for that here.
All my best
Good for you! All life’s blessings to you and Mike and this daughter who has and will do amazing things!
The Bossy Yankee says:
I am glad you are sharing I love hearing how you are doing.
I am so excited that you and Mike get to add another little girl to your lives. People (children) are not replaceable.
Hang in there, Heather! For every idiot who decides to say hurtful things, there are 200 people who love and support you and Mike, and who are rooting for Binky. She will never replace beautiful Madeleine, but she will be just as awesome as her big sister.
** Hugs and Positive Thoughts!! **
Again, such raw honesty. Thank you for sharing with friends and complete strangers your life. Heather and Mike…anyone that has a HEART knows the love you HAVE for Maddie and the pain that blinds your inner being every single minute. Love Binky. Love that baby like you do Maddie…without guilt. It’s OK. Maddie is going to be an awesome sister and guardian. She would want you and yours to love her sister. Don’t you dare let some unkind soul let either of you feel ashamed for that love and excitement you feel about adding to your lives. I think you both are amazing people and I will continue to pray for for all. But please, don’t listen to those that judge. God is smiling on you and is going to bless you all. Maddie has a very important job being a guardian angel, Heather. Only the special get that title. Love your Binky and breath. And keep coming back to us on here…we care and this is YOUR place to be real without caring who you offend, confuse, anger, whatever…you come here and share. Blessings, Michele from Omaha.
Courtney K. says:
Heather and Mike,
Hugs and kisses to you both and baby binky as well! You both are such strong and heroic individuals. I cannot imagine the pain and agony that you both have endured. I really believe that their is still a small percentage of society that is decent and appear to have morals, also common sense is highly under rated these days! I can say, “Oh Heather don’t even listen or read what those idiots say and write” but I know it is just not that easy…..rest assured though that there are more people who love and support you two, than not. Anyhow you keep on keepin on, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and Mike everyday! You two are wonderful people and deserve much happiness in your lives!
I am horrified and sad that anyone would even think to judge you or say mean things. Only love, grace, compassion and hope should be sent your way. Wishing I could take away all the bad words.
Thank you for sharing with us. You truly are lovely.
I prayed that you and Mike would get pregnant soon after Maddie passed. I thought it would be the best thing that could happen given what you had been through, a kind of healing. It makes me sad that people could be so cruel and say mean things to ya’ll about getting pregnant so soon. I am overjoyed for you both! And still miss Maddie.
Just Shireen says:
Our second daughter is due on Valentine’s Day.
What a blessed and loved little girl she will be.
.-= Just Shireen´s last blog ..Friday Night Bites =-.
Erica fr Dallas, TX says:
Heather first off huge hugs! I could not ever imagine going through what you did go through and are STILL going through. The knowledge that people had the odacity (sp?) to pass judgement and write hateful things is sickening. I am so sorry that you and Mike had to deal w that. Thank you for sharing with us. There are a lot more (way more) people who don’t know you guys but feel like we do and care so much about you. I’m praying for you always Heather and Mike and Baby Binky…Madeline is watching her Heather, and you, don’t worry, an angel always makes sure its ok.
Sherry From KS says:
Congratulations on being 20 weeks and 5 days! 28 weeks will be here before you know it, and hopefully that’ll subside some of your fears.
Thank you for sharing your feelings in this post, it amazes me that anyone would even begin to say hurtful things to you and your family. Who do they think they are? I’m sorry you had to deal with any of that negativity.
Lastly, I would never dare to judge you and Mike. I think it’s absolutely beautiful that you both remained close throughout your struggles and that Binky is there to prove it! Can’t wait to “meet” her!
.-= Sherry From KS´s last blog ..Yoga Baby =-.
First of all, your writing speaks to my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your story with ‘the world’ …
Secondly, it is beyond frustrating to hear that the naysayers of the world are making a difference.
I am ashamed to admit that I followed the ‘thread’ of someone who commented negatively on a blog once. When I read their blog and tweets, I was astounded at the attention that they got from negatively commenting on a widely popular blog. It was from that moment on, that I decided to simply ignore the negative.
My suggestion? Quietly delete the negative comments. Don’t give those people one more second of your time and attention that they deserve. And you certainly don’t need a reminder.
You touch so many people with your writing. Keep on!
I am quietly cheering for you, in my corner of the world.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..One Month In … =-.
I am so sorry to hear that you have received hate mail or comments from people. There is absolutely no reason at all for that. You and Mike need to make the decisions that are right for the both of you…end of story. No one else should pass judgement on you because of that. I have a lot of respect for you, you have to be one of the bravest women I “know.”
Oh honey, there is no question that dear, sweet Maddie is nothing if not irreplaceable! And Binky will be an equally amazing little girl. I’m in awe of your strength, even if it’s just a face you put on for yourself and the world. You’re stronger than you know and you have so so much love and support, forget the few haters who have nothing better to do w/ their lives than bash on a family already having a rough time. Thank you for sharing w/ us.
Kelley Land says:
You’ve been nothing but open and honest about things you had every right to keep secret. The vast majority of your caring readers are the better for it. You’ve taught us much about love, loss, despair, pure joy, commitment, marriage, and parenting. We love Maddie and we always will. We love Binky and can’t wait to meet her! I, for one, am thinking of you often and praying for peace, comfort, and most of all protection.
.-= Kelley Land´s last blog ..The Doctor: To Go or Not to Go =-.
Hugs and congratulations….I too will cross my fingers until Week 29.
You are truly one of the strongest people I’ve known. How anyone could ever judge you for creating another life is beyond me.
I’m so glad that God has blessed you with Binky to help you through this dark time.
No one will ever replace Maddie, but I certainly hope Binky can help brighten up your home again.
I think you you and Mike often and you are constantly in my prayers.
Some people just need bitchslapped upside the head. Jerks.
Like someone else up there said, children are not replaceable or substitutable. Even though they share the same parents and genetic makeup, they might be similar, but not the same. The love you have for each one will be just as strong, but completely different. I suck at explaining it Just sounds cheesy and sappy.
I’m sure you’ll hear this a million times, in a million different ways from a million different people (heck, many of those have been from me). You, Mike, and both of your girls are pretty amazing.
It is a shame that anyone would judge you and think that you are trying to replace Maddie. How horrible! Congrats on binky.
Maddie is not replaceable, and anyone who thinks that’s what you were trying to do can meet my fist.
You mentioned Buffy in another post; and as pathetic as it is, I think that those episodes where her mother died, and even the ones where she died and came back, I learned a little something.
When you’re alive, you have to keep on living, no matter who has gone. It’s painful. It seems impossible.
But that’s just the way it is.
.-= MommyGeekology´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Jump on Over =-.
I read your blog everyday and I am inspired by the love that you and Mike share for each other, Maddie, and Binky. You are incredible people, and to think of people judging you when they have not been in your shoes in unimaginable. These people do not deserve a second of your thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your ups and downs.
Whoever thinks it is possible to replace anyone you love, especially one’s own child, must know very little love in their life. I’m so sorry people are so hateful.
All Binky’s due date says to me is that in the midst of the most terrible thing that could happen to you, you and Mike chose to cling to each other and live. It says to me that you love Maddie so much that you decided to honor her by living, which is the best thing you could do. It says to me that you and Mike have a stronger marriage than most people I know, and you’re going to make it.
Binky is going to be one amazing and well loved girl.
Wow. Just wow. That there are people out there who would be cruel about your pregnancy after everything you and Mike have gone through – it blows my mind.
And that there are people who think that ypu could possibly be trying to replace Maddie? Is completely unbe-fucking-lievable.
You guys are amazing – as was Maddie and as Binkie will be!
.-= Neena´s last blog ..some random numbers because I’m too tired for anything of quality =-.
It truly physically hurts my heart to think that people would be hateful to you and Mike. On the other hand, I do know from experience that people on the internet enjoy the anonymity it provides them.
I am so happy for you guys and would never wish any additional pain on you.
Anna Marie Hinnant says:
Thank you so much for sharing that. Maddie is, indeed, irreplaceable, but Binky is loved and cherished for who she is, and who she will be. And she has an awesome big sister to watch over her.
Heather and Mike,
I just want to add my congratulations and support for you and Binky. And I’m so sorry that people would be judging you. That anyone would chose to add to your pain with harsh words is beyond my understanding.
Thank you for continuing to share your family with us.
Anyone who’s lived a while and loved a lot knows that the heart expands. No one who has been loved, especially loved as much as a child or a spouse, ever leaves a heart and never is replaced. But our hearts can expand to love another. Best wishes to you and your family.
Some people just have to stir things up. Ignore them. They’re nothing.
All the best to you and Binky.
.-= feefifoto´s last blog ..Strange And Bizarre October Holidays =-.
I never know what to say so I’m silent on a lot of your entries. I just want you to know how incredibly brave I think you and Mike are and how hopeful I am for you and your family. I think of you guys often and just send good feelings and wishes your way.
.-= Sara´s last blog ..I am not your autumn moon, I am the night. =-.
I have no idea how anyone could ever speak ill of you! Your honesty is something refreshing, and I am happy you revealed your due date. Don’t let the haters win! I just adore you and can’t wait to wake up in the morning to see what you have written!!!! XOXO Colleen
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..Colonoscopy =-.
After Maddie died, I admit I hoped you and Mike would decide to have another baby. I didn’t know you were TTC, but it was something I thought about. Not because Maddie is at all replaceable, but because you two did parenting so WELL. It seemed to make you SO happy that I wanted you to have that happiness again. I thought you deserved it. And, as a Mom I thought about the absolute pain of the emptiness of arms. I remember you writing about the pain you felt as your muscles atrophied during bed rest and how your arms felt that way without Maddie and I knew I would feel the same way if my arms were suddenly empty and I wanted you to have happiness to put in them.
That’s rambling, but if people get judgey over when Binky was conceived, that’s their problem. Period. All that matters is that Binky is wanted and love and that you and Mike find happiness in her coming.
God, you two deserve happiness Heather. Eff everyone else.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..Anniversary =-.
As an aside, my dd was born on 2/5. It is a fantastic birthday.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..Anniversary =-.
I have been reading your blog for quite some time and have never commented. I think that you and Mike are insanely strong. Never let someone else’s observations and opinions guide your decisions. You know in your heart what is right for you and your family. Congrats on your pregnancy with Binky, enjoy every second! I am happy and honored to follow your journey.
A brave and honest post, nothing new for you, thank you for giving us insight to your world.
Beautiful things result from pain. This is one of them. Never let those people make you feel bad for it. None of us know what we would do if handed your tragedy. Congrats on your impending arrival. Wishing you a long pregnancy.
Ooohhh my sweet, beautiful, BRAVE friend!! Today your post made me cry. I am so proud of you. Do you know how brave you are?
Within the past two years I have received 2 phone calls that changed my life forever, tested my belief in God and shook my whole world to it’s core. Two very dear friends called me while in the process of loosing their babies. While I won’t go into details out of respect for them, I can tell you as a person on the “inside” of such personal and profound loss, I understand as much as one can having not had the experience happen directly to them.
But, on the flip side….I have also been honoured enough to receive 2 more calls not long after we said good – bye to our beautiful Angels. Their mothers….the ones who just weeks before had to consciously remind themselves to breathe, coax themselves out of bed each morning and mourn the loss of babies taken way too soon called to secretly tell me they too were expecting these special babies.
I watched them ride a tumultuous roller coaster. Both the ups and the downs. From being terrified to tell anyone, questioning themselves if it was too early, justifying how these new lives could never replace the ones who were gone to feeling this was their 2nd chances to love again and feeling such blessings from God.
I watched from a not so far distance as they s-l-o-w-l-y begin to heal as their bellies grew. How they hesitantly bonded with these new, babies of hope. How talks of the babies lost most cautiously turned to talks for the babies who were here. The ones they talked to now, touched through their growing bellies, and took solace every time their miracle babies moved within them.
I was priviledge enough to receive the calls in the middle of the night but this time the tears were not of ones of sorrow and despair. They were tears of hope, overwhelming gratitude, and total .euphoria. I watched in awe how such a perfect, tiny little life can help heal ones life who was shattered into a million pieces. And as I held both little ones in my arms, I couldn’t help but become overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude myself.
When I first came to your blog in April and I would read your words of despair, I would say aloud to you “Ohh Heather….if only you would get pregnant…it would help you heal”. I was over the moon when you announced your baby and I thanked God for giving you such an incredible gift.
Thank you for trusting us Heather. Thank you for knowing we would never judge you or think this new baby could EVER replace dear, beautiful Maddie…that will never ever happen. I for one am honoured to be allowed to continue to be on this journey with you and Mike. I can only hope you find some solace, humour, friendship, love in my words to you.
Feb. 14th…..the ultimate day of profound love…. no wonder that’s her due date.
Binky is a gift to all of us who are sitting in cyber space cheering on a fellow parent.
You are justified in everything that you feel.
NONE of us here will EVER forget little Maddie and her beauty and strength. Nobody can replace her.
ALL of us here are CELEBRATING the new life that is 20 plus weeks. “Binky”
I am a friend of gorillabuns and have been reading you since I found out about you.
I am sooo happy for you and everyday that i read ,
i pray that you may be given a little more peace, a little more happiness and a little less nausea.
Trisha Vargas says:
Sweet Madeline could never ever be replaced.
Through Binky you have found even more strength to go on and I just know you will cherish her just as much as Maddie.
I think it is so special that your baby was conceived with a due date of February 14th. It gave me chills actually. I can tell the love and admiration you and Mike have for another and how that spilled over into your adoration of Maddie. It’s only fitting that your Binky would be due on a day that is all about love.
Shame on those cruel people who have judged you. Shame on them.
(((HUGS))) to you from Florida
MFA Mama says:
Children are not replaceable. Period. The end. Y’all are two smart and emotionally intelligent people and so anyone who has read your blog and is in possession of half a brain knows that Binky is NOT an attempt to “replace” Madeline. Rather, Binky’s conception is representative of her parents’ resilience, and refusal to make Madeline’s death signify the end of everything good in their lives. To turn her all-too-brief life and tragically early death into such an end of all that is positive in life would be to do her memory a terrible disservice. By continuing to live and talk about the goodness of both her and her baby sister’s life you honor her, and I’m so glad Binky is with you to help you remember to do that.
Mary@Holy Mackerel says:
I cannot believe anyone would even dare to say anything hateful, but there you go. Some people are weird, awful, and are not worthy of your time or energy.
I think Binky is a miracle among miracles, and thank god.
And you two are amazing, and don’t ever forget it.
.-= Mary@Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..Gimme A Plate of Those =-.
You are a truly amazing person and I feel blessed to read your blog and follow along with your life. God Bless “Binky” and God Bless you and your husband. Thank you for sharing your story.
Sara Joy says:
People are mean to you? Really? People suck. If you want I’ll go to their house, put sugar in their gas tank and download viruses on their computers. Meh.
I just figured it was your business and your business only, you are welcome to share (or not) whatever works for you. And having lived through losing a child, knowing that the two of you were pulling together instead of apart is a wonderful thing. I know it doesn’t come easily and I am so glad for you and Mike.
People are dumb. You guys are awesome. Binky rocks. Still praying that your healthy pregnancy continues as long as Binky needs and that you feel better very, very soon.
.-= Sara Joy´s last blog ..Tranquility =-.
People who judge are so full of themselves. No one cares what people who give their unsoliciated opinions think? If they had an opinion important enough, they would know not to share it because if they are THAT knowing and THAT smart, they would not give an opinion on something they can not possibly understand. I know you said Binky won’t be born on Valentines Day, but just knowing that she could have been born on the day of love says a lot about what fate thinks…I am so happy for you and Mike and your new bundle of love.
i think valentine’s day is the perfect due date – it’s a day that is all about love. and that is obviously what your pregnancy is all about – the love of your new baby, but also the love and rememberance of your dear Maddie.
stay strong and know that there are so many of us out here that support you!
La Petite Belle says:
awww. How about Valentina for a name? I love that name, which is why that’s what I named my daughter
Thank you for sharing your life with us. I DO NOT understand how anyone could think you are trying to replace Maddie. It is completely obvious how much you both love her and Binky. I love you blog and hope you continue to share with us. Have a wonderful weekend!!
Hugs in Oklahoma!
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..Not this month =-.
zomg! are you saying you …. you and your husband … have had teh SEX? srsly? I’m SO shocked.
I opened the computer and Alex immediately pointed to Madeline’s face saying MADDIE! And not just the FOM photo, but the Mamarazzi photos too.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Eden + Randomness =-.
I have THE biggest smile on my face… Binky is already so loved by so many people who don’t even know you guys (myself included!) There’s so much love and hopes for good health coming you guys way right now. I know I appreciate the honesty with which you post, Heather, as do so many others.
And it’s also hard not to tear up, because so many of us who never had the chance to meet Maddie, but like vicariously through all of your posts, miss her terribly and wish so deeply that she could be here to share this with you both. I know you probably here that ‘she is in spirit’ and it only gives so much comfort, but she does live on through your memories, and so many others like myself, who have had the wonder of sharing her life through this site.
Thank you both… and thank you Maddie and Binky for being two amazing little girls.
*huge huge hugs*
Congratulations! We pray for you and remember Maddie often. Can’t wait to “meet” her little sister.
Kate S says:
This made me cry. I am so, so thankful for this little Valentine for giving you a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. I have been wondering if mean comments/judgement were the reason you were vague. People can be such insensitive assholes. She can’t–nor ever will–replace Maddie, but she can be part of the healing. The hole in your heart will always be there, but Binky will make your heart grow. Lots of love to you and Mike.
What a fitting due date even if she is not to come on that exact day. I am really so sorry that people suck so much. The good thing is that there are many, many more who love and adore your family.
Lots of love to you all,
Beautiful! You are exactly 10 weeks behind me! I am 30 weeks, 5 days today. Congratulations! My first son was due on 2/15 and was born 2/12. I had four miscarriages prior to carrying him full term and (in a very different way) understand how it can be scary until you pass a certain point, yet still be scary even after that point. You are an inspiration to many and I am very happy for your family! Congratulations again and thank you for sharing your story with us!
Corinne Cooper says:
I cannot imagine anyone having anything negative to say about you & Mike and any decision you make….people are unbelievably terrible human beings sometimes….yet the good ones will always out weighs the bad. So glad you have continued to share your life with us. I wish all 3 of you nothing but continued love, support and happiness.
I am shocked, absolutely floored that some person out in wwwland would feel the right to criticize your life choices. I applaud you for calling them out on it, and don’t feel the need to explain why you do what you do to us. Most of the strangers here, like me, read this and send our love and thoughts your way every day. I cannot express how happy I was the day I read that you were expecting, and for someone to detract from the joy of that announcement that is appalling. I guess it just goes to show some humans are miserable, inhumane creatures that attack others rather than face their own issues. You are a brave, amazing woman because you openly and honestly share what is going on in your life with all of us. We all learn from you and gain from your strength every day.
I think God sent you Maddie’s little sister because He knew you could love Binky just as much as you love Maddie. And Maddie will always be part of your lives and nothing will ever take that away. The mean people suck and that’s more recognition than they deserve.
I have been reading your blog for quite some time. you are the first blog I read every morning and I can’t wait to see what you have to say. Your posts have made me laugh, made me cry, and made me fall in love with Maddie. Your beautiful little girl has made such an impact with her life. She is in my mind and heart daily and I know she can never be replaced. I think of her at the most random times and I love that I feel like I have a piece of her…a complete stranger halfway across the country! I don’t have any children yet and when other people start talking about their kids I find myself wanting to talk about Maddie!! It’s crazy but I think it’s God’s way of keeping Maddie’s spirit alive. She radiates from everyone who ever knew her, and even those of us who only know of her.
I’m so happy for you and Mike that you have had a good pregnancy and I look forward to the day that a healthy baby girl Binky comes home from the hospital. Binky is the luckiest little girl in the world because she has amazing parents who love her so deeply and also because she has an awesome big sister/guardian angel. I’m proud of you. You make me stronger. I love you and I pray for you often.
Seriously, if want to give me the names and addresses of those people that are judging I will personally fly around the country, or world if needed, to punch them all in the throat.
Been a follower of yours for a long time and please know anyone that has been cheering for your family knows your intentions. Stay the course girlie and I’m wishing you the best always.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Temporarily out of service =-.
Momma Uncensored says:
hate mail? awful comments? who are these people?!! bullies.
i always tell my kid sister :
“a bully is someone who is angry being them.. they have to hurt other people”
i’m fired up. yet on a better note.. binky is your valentine!!!
.-= Momma Uncensored´s last blog ..unsupervised. =-.
I have read your blog for a long time, but never commented. I just want to tell you that you have to explain to NO ONE why you’ve made the decisions you have. I am mourning a recent miscarriage pretty hard today. Reading your blog made me realize that my situation could be MUCH worse. I need to keep my head up and be happy that I do have a happy, healthy 2 year old. I wish you all the luck in the world….
Deb Hauer says:
I think you two are really strong to plug on in your lives as you have. I have not been through what you are dealing with daily, hourly, and even down to seconds and miliseconds. I have been through hardship but none of that compares to your dealings. I pray for you two, I pray for Maddie, I pray for Binky and I will start to pray for those that think it is ok to say those horrible things to you. I pray that the people that leave rude comments never have to face the tragedy you have faced. I pray that their lives are easy and they never face a tragedy as you have. I hope that your other blogger friends/readers will pray for these people as well. If we all work on praying for the harsh words some people feel they need to share maybe their hearts will be enlightened and they will know that it is up to you on how your life is lived. Maddie is such a special person and she always will be….just look at her smile and know that she would be happy for you. I hope you know that you have more supporters than you do demons and you are responsible for your happiness. Don’t let those others get in your way. It is hard right now to imagine happiness but one day you will be able to. Maddies little sister will show you how to live again….as you said!
I offer my sincere congratulations… This is wonderful news.
Heather (Mike, Maddie, and Binky),
I too am choosing today to delurk and congratulate you on your the new life you and your family are bringing into this world. I don’t know what it is like to suffer what you have suffered, but throughout this process I have followed along and been heartbroken by your loss and inspired by your story.
Thank you and again, congratulations.
At a time when you could have found yourself choosing something much darker, you choose life. WTF is wrong with that?
Anyone who judges you is scum.Sorry if I sound angry -but I am. Heartless busybodies.
Mean people can suck it. There is no doubt in my mind that Binky is a precious gift given to you and in know way a replacement for Maddie. I hope that you can ignore those few negative people and continue to surround your self with love and positive friends and family. Thank You for your continued honesty and beautiful writing. I continue to fall in love with Maddie more and more each time you write. I can’t wait to meet sweet Binky (but not to soon miss binks)
.-= Magda´s last blog ..Thank You =-.
So many things to say….let’s get the “ugly” out first…MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!!!
With that said, You are a brave young woman and have weathered so much and done it with so much grace. I can’t even begin to imagine what your day to day life holds. I think of you so often….my daughter is going to be two next month and when I look at her I can’t help but get overwhelmed with how lucky I am. So many pictures of sweet Maddie and her dancing eyes remind me of my daughter. Maddie will never by replaced and for never having met her I miss her.
I wish you, Mike, Binky and Rigby much love and happiness…you have a special angel with you at all times.
May God Bless You and your sweet family!
Michelle, Herculaneum, MO
I don’t care what anybody says – you guys have been through hell and have lost so much that I would absolutely stomp on anyone who would be mean or judgmental toward you.
Some people feel so inferior that the only way they can get any relief from it is to hurt someone else – those people are mentally ill and should not be given any satisfaction or attention.
Of course, ignoring the ugly comments is easier said than done – but it bears repeating, a million times if necessary, you and Mike do not owe anyone anything – you give your heart to us everyday and anyone who would chastise you can eat shit and take a flying leap.
Sorry for the rant.
Your real-life friends (and your online friends) know, support and love you guys so much — Maddie’s spirit will always remain alive and strong in our hearts and minds – that’s a promise!
Many , many hugs and love,
.-= deej´s last blog ..Don’t Look Back =-.
I read every single day to see how you are doing, to hear stories about your beautiful and special first-born daughter, and to check in on your second child. I hurt for you and think hard about what it would be like to lose my 26-week (now 5 year-old) daughter.
I was thinking about Binky last night as I slept with my daughter (her daddy is out of town), having just read one of your recent posts about sleeping in the the mornings with Maddie, and wondered how special Binky will be to compare with Maddie. But the real thought that came to me was that having another child after you lose a child (and my daughter’s twin sister was still-born – not nearly as bad, but bad for me) is not meant to make you all better, to replace, to make you “happy”, or even to stop the pain. It does, however, give you hope. I lead a group of women who have lost babies – stillborn and in the first year of life – and every single one of them say that the subsequent pregnancy gives hope again. And the ones that get pregnant quickly always comment on thinking about what people will say. And of course the strong ones, as you are, say who cares what people will say?
I’m glad to know how far along you are. It will be good to be able to keep track. I know how relieved you will be after 28 weeks, and even more so after 30.
Lisa from WV says:
It broke my heart when you said you received hate emails about this. Who would think they were so holier than thou that they would have the right to judge you guys in any way? I’m so dumbfounded by some people’s ignorance, and I’m so amazed by the ability you and Mike have had to keep pushing forward. No one knows what you are feeling, and those are shoes I’m sure no one wants to walk a mile in to find out. I wish people would wake up and see that there is only one true judge and that is God, and he will judge them some day for the hurful comments they have made to you guys after all you have been through.
On a happier note, congratulations on everything. I wish all of the happiness of the world would surround you and your family and follow you wherever you go forever
Firstly, thank you so much for sharing yours and Maddie’s and Mikes and Binky’s story with us, I feel honored to “know” you through your blog.
I’m sorry you some people feel the need to be so rude in such a hard time in your life. I can’t imagine the rollarcoaster of emotions you feel everyday, from greif for your beautiful daughter, to hope and joy for your new daughter to come, to fear for what might happen yet. I just want you to know, that we are all here supproting you.
Your reasons for expanding your family, are just that YOUR reasons. You wanted Madaline to have a sister, and now she will.
.-= Jackie´s last blog ..What do you think?? =-.
You are so brave. I’m sorry people say stupid, nasty things – they are ignorant and just don’t understand.
I think of and pray for you and your family every day. Your strength is inspiring and beautiful & your decision to have Binky is just as inspiring and beautiful. Any one who’s read your writing here knows that you aren’t trying to replace Maddie.
My son is very close in age to Maddie. You have helped me to appreciate EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. with him in ways I can’t put in to words. I know that I’m not the only Mom who reads your blog and feels this way, you’ve given all of us an amazing gift.
Can’t wait to meet Binky and can’t wait for her to find out what an amazing family she is a part of.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..We love fall. Such happy days! =-.
I can’t imagine what people would say, with your words all I can see is Love for Maddie and Binky, nothing else! God Bless, and I pray for nothing but the best for your family!
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..WTF a drive-by in boondock New York? =-.
I’m not going to lie to you…February is my least favorite month. Where I live, things are horribly cold, wet and gray in February.
Thank you for sweetening February. I can’t wait to meet Binky!
What a beautiful valentine gift from Heaven. Binky will be treasured beyond words. I am so proud of you for laying your heart out for others to see, and know that 99% of us are here to help you heal, and to heal along with you while you go through your process of the most unimaginable nightmare that you have gone through. All I see through your own tears, and struggles, is your beauty, and your strength. You should never EVER have to explain yourself, or your reasons of why you made your choices.
This is your space, and your life, and we celebrate along with you at the gift you are bringing into your family.
I am only a few weeks ahead of you in my own pregnancy, and Its nice to share part of the experience of being pregnant at the same time.
I send you Blessings, and prayers, and good wishes. May there be many cheerful times ahead!
.-= Dina´s last blog ..Pure Wicked =-.
I have tried so many times to comment here, and every time I fail to find the right words. Please just know that for every twisted, sick person that expresses negative thoughts toward you and Mike, there are so many more of us that extend friendship, hope and strength.
Okay, first – I cannot believe that people have been nasty and judgmental towards you and your family. When I read that, I was shocked..numb even to learn that. You have more people for you than against you..I don’t even know you, but I felt if I ever saw you, I’d just want to give you a big hug and say how happy I was to meet you after following your blog…and how EXCITED I am for you, Mike and Rigby on your new addition! You share what you choose to share, and do so when you are ready. You are a strong and beautiful person, full of life and I’m happy that I found your blog. Kristen in Durham, NC is in your corner.
I have been reading your blog for a while, but never know what to comment. I am moved every. single. day. by your posts.
I think Maddie is beautiful. It hurts my heart that anyone could say ANYTHING mean to you.
I’m glad you decided that your life is your life and your blog is your blog and you don’t have to censor what you say or feel.
I will be praying for a continued healthy pregnancy. Your second pregnancy. One that will NEVER replace your first.
Having never commented before, I just had to say something today. It’s truly sad that people would judge you and think that Maddie could be ever be replaced. I never once thought about the dates and even if it had occurred to me, I would never had said anything. I have everything crossed that you make it safely to the due date chosen by your doctors.
Congratulations on Binky. Here’s to HOPE.. Going back to dates, maybe Maddie had a hand in all of this and has sent her baby sister to you…
Your last few lines brought tears to my eyes. You are such loving parents, don’t know why some people cannot see whats in front of them (true love for Maddie), and would make stupid comments. Maddie will never be forgotten, and Binky will also be loved a lot.
I’m so very sorry that you feel like you need to justify anything to anyone. I think of you often, and Maddie and Binky too.
On a lighter note, my daughter was due on February 16, so I can relate to the timeline. I am so very happy for you!
I hope you’re well today, Heather, and that Binky helps you find some light in the darkness.
All I can say is that you guys are doing the right thing. The wrong thing would have been to give up and crawl in a hole. God sent you another Angel so embrace this time and be HAPPY!! Who cares what other people think you guys are the only ones that matter. Hugs and prayers to you…
I cannot believe that there are actually people out there who have the balls to say anything remotely negative about your pregnancy.
F them! F them every way they can take it. Horrible ignorant idiots!
Congratulations to you and Mike. I wish you all the best. Sorry for my rant, but I can’t stand it when I see someone struggling and some bully won’t let up. Just think about how pathetic their lives are.
You can make it through this. You WILL make it through for both of your daughters.
You don’t owe ANYONE an explanation. Having a child is an incredibly personal decision to be made between two people who love each other. Nobody else is part of that equation and it’s nobody’s business when or why. End of story.
I’m happy for you and I think Binky was sent to you because you needed her. And the idea that any child could be easily replaced by another is sickening and anyone who thinks it obviously doesn’t have children.
So awesome, even if she isn’t born on valentine’s day, I know you will always think of her as your little valentine, who came to save your breaking heart! What a special gift…you must feel so honored…we can’t wait to love on her. Thank you for not allowing the bad people to deter you from sharing your journey with the rest of us!
kisses and hugs…hope to see you SOON!
You are a wonderful and beautiful family. Congratulations!
I cannot BELIEVE that people would judge you.
You and your husband didn’t stop being partners when you lost your little girl. Who is anyone to tell you what is and isn’t appropriate in your marriage and your family?
I’m certain your second baby will know exactly how much she is loved and wanted by you both.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Active imagination =-.
What a beautiful due date! I’m so happy for you.
Shame on anyone who says one mean thing to you. You guys are incredible, and brave, and lovely. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thanks for sharing with us. You guys are in my prayers daily…….can’t wait to see Binky! You are amazing….the encouragement you are to others is so great!
I came across your blog unfortunately when I read matt logelin’s post about you losing your beautiful sweet daughter. I have been reading it every day since. I admire your strength and determination SO much! I’ve never posted before but for some reason today I felt compelled to thank you for your openness, honesty, and for letting us into your life during the ups and downs. I think it’s amazing that I’ve never met you, yet I care about your well-being immeasurably. Congratulations on your new sweet baby girl! You are a wonderful mother.
Im sorry to hear that humanity has been cruel. I check your blog regularly and the timing of your pregnancy never occured to me. And it still doesnt. I know Im a total stranger, but it just doesnt matter! Binky is loved and wanted by you and your family, and that is all that matters!
Best wishes to you for a safe, and healthy pregnancy. I really enjoyed the “fists of fury” post!!! So cute!
This is truly a love child. I wish only good things for you and your husband. Thank you for sharing.
Sweetheart, no-one has the rught to judge you. You are amazing, and I cannot wait to see photos of your gorgeous girl. We all love you…..
Sweetheart, no-one has the rught to judge you. You are amazing, and I cannot wait to see photos of your gorgeous girl. We all love you…..
God Bless! You are so strong!
Good for you!!!!!! All my love to your family!!!!
Congratulations. For everyone 1 crazy out there with something miserable to say, there are hundreds of us praying and supporting you. As a preemie mom, I wish and pray you have 20 more weeks of pregnancy ahead and a perfect, healthy, beautiful girl on February 14th. You are amazing.
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Update on Us =-.
Bravo. Beautifully written. You must share this entry with your daughter when she’s an adult. She’ll treasure it. “This baby, my daughter, has saved my life.” Wow.
I hate stupid people. You are an AMAZING stranger to me, who is such an inspiration…what a lesson your feelings are. i read b/c you are so honest and my heart just breaks for you…
You did not need to justify this – not for the 99% of us that are pulling for you and Mike every step of the way.
How anyone, even the most depraved, would think you are replacing Maddie is so bizarre to me. How anyone, even the most depraved, would judge you without having the first idea of what your life is now is something I can’t comprehend.
Blessings to you, Mike, and Binky. Maddie will never be forgotten. Binky will only help us remember the famous Madeline.
Thanks for sharing.
Aunt Becky says:
If anyone–ANYONE–including that crazy cat lady, has words to say to you about this, well, tell her to come stalk my big fat ass. I’ve got plenty of skeletons in my closets she can dance with.
I can’t wait to meet my new niece whenever she comes (AT THE END OF JANUARY) and anyone who has anything to say about it can bite my white, dimply butt.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..This Post Will Contain Words That Spell Check Hates =-.
It’s sickening to think people would judge you for that. I am so thankful for this new baby and how she has and will get you through all of this. You deserve that. Keep up the fight. You amaze me everyday.
.-= McKenna´s last blog ..October. =-.
I have often offered my moccasins up for anyone who dares think they could walk “better” in them through this journey of parental bereavement.
So far, there have been no takers.
I acknowledge you, your struggles and your plans.
Sarah B says:
It’s hard to imagine anyone being mean or awful to you. There are *so* many more of us who are proud of you, inspired by you, and cheering for you. You are a beautiful and loving family- and anyone can see that while Maddie is absolutely irreplaceable, you two are such wonderful parents that bringing more love into the world can only be a good thing.
My own first trimester was very scary, and the fear made it hard for me to bond with the growing life in me. But as any mother or father knows, the fierce and devoted love you have for your baby grows every day. You’ve shown this devotion, protection, and adoration for Maddie and Binky – and we know you always will.
Megan @ Mama Bub says:
I read everything you write here, but nothing has affected me like this post. The idea that someone would choose to judge you, to judge your child, to judge your feelings about your daughters, breaks me. So, so many people are rooting for you and your family. I hope they can overshadow anyone who would think otherwise.
.-= Megan @ Mama Bub´s last blog ..Please forgive me this little moment of panic =-.
The level of hate in some people baffles me. You deserve nothing but Hugs, love and support IMO.
I am personally thrilled at this second little miracle you have growing inside you.
She is a blessing and you deserve this and so much more.
.-= Haley´s last blog ..Scrapbooking How To: Heat Embossing with Powder =-.
Dear Heather and Mike,
I found you by accident. Another blog I read linked to your blog after Maddie’s death, asking for prayer. I’ve been reading ever since.
Until now, I have not commented. It just didn’t feel right. I’ve cried, laughed, gasped, and prayed all while reading your entries. I have a nephew that was born days after Maddie and would be heartbroken without him. Maddie will never be replaced, and Binky is very much a wanted individual.
You have every right to continue living in any way you see fit. You owe no one any explinations.
Why on earth would ANYONE judge you for when you conceived your second daughter? Not sure I will ever understand people.
You due date just makes me more impatient for this little girl to get here! But stay in there little missy! I can wait!
.-= Shauna´s last blog ..Olympic Peninsula =-.
What a blessing that you were able to give each other this gift during the worst time of your lives. No one with a heart can find this anything but incredibly moving. This is love.
I too, wanted to add to the scale of people rooting for you and your family. I can’t tell you how how unspeakably angry it makes me to hear that people have sent you hate mail. I have followed your story for a long time, but have not commented. I am a NICU nurse, but didn’t take care of Madeline, as I was a primary for another very sick little one while she was in our unit, but I remember seeing you guys and wishing for her to get better. I saw you at the March of Dimes, but didn’t say hello because I didn’t want to make it worse somehow. I am filled with awe at you, and hope that someday if life deals me such a cruel hand, that I will find a fraction of the strength and grace you have.
You will forever be a beacon in my life, and I will always check in here as long as you post. My heart wants nothing more than for Binky to be born healthy and strong, and for you to have the same. I yearn for you to be home with her playing with Rigby and here with Daddy, taking pictures and videos, and for this time of waiting for the other shoe to drop to be over and long in the past.
My first primary, a little girl, who passed for me when I was still a fairly new nurse, was the first in a line of tragedy that has touched me. Her mom too, is amazing. About a week after the funeral, she called me and told me a coworker had asked how she was, she had told him, and his reply was, “oh, you can always have another”. She was so upset, understandably.
And over the years of working in the nicu, seeing such tragedy, and joy when families leave together, finally whole, I have come to this, among many conclusions: unless you have been there and lived it, you have no idea what it is. And unfortunately, there are people in life who are really stupid and say hurtful things, and sometimes don’t even realize it.
To you, Heather and Mike, bravo for having the courage to share your journey. It has touched thousands, and that is forever priceless. Out of the worst situation thinkable, you have made people around the world better people, more aware, and shown us what it is grieving parents go through. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To the naysayers and the cruel, take an old adage my mom told me when I was little to heart: if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
You. Are. Very. Brave. I think you and Mike are two very strong people. How you share the most personal details is beyond what I could do. I read your blog every day, hoping and hoping for news that each day might be easier for you guys than the previous day. I cannot tell you how excited I am for your new babe. I, also , am holding my breath for the next 7 weeks and 2 days. This baby will have her own smell, personality and you can look forward to the day when she is 16 and absolutley knows everything. I am thinking of you two every single day and my thoughts are 100% postive. Can’t wait until you post the news of her magical birth in about 17 – 18 weeks?
I’m just shocked and horrified that people would send you hate mail. My mind just can’t comprehend how evil someone must be to inflict more pain on you. That’s just mind blowing to me. Of course Maddie isn’t replaceable.. she will always be your Daughter.. You could have 10 more kids and none of them could ever come close to replacing her. Her spot in the family and her place in your heart is sealed. It’s no one else’s. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for others, but her spot is already taken. Binky will be your valentine, (even though she won’t be born on that exact day..) she will be your valentine and she will help lead you out of the dark, with guidance from her big Sis. Your family is always in our thoughts and prayers!
Sigh. People can be so weird and unfeeling.
I can’t wait to meet Binky. Thank you for sharing your lives.
.-= ruth´s last blog ..Random stuff =-.
Congratulations. What a special Valentines’ gift you have to look forward to. I will be thinking of you as you continue this journey.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Unicorns And Fairies =-.
Just wanted to say that I loved this post and am always supporting the whole family. Hopefully, I’ll get to see you someday soon.
Heather@Triple Blessing says:
UNFREAKING BELIEVABLE! I CANNOT believe that someone would send you hate mail or judge you! Do people have nothing else better to do!??
I have been praying fervently for you and your family and will continue to do so. Please know that most of us come to your blog to lift you up. Not criticize.
God bless you Heather (and Mike) for standing in the face of adversity.
What cruel people.
I think it’s amazing that you are having another baby. Maddie will always be in your hearts. I love being on this journey with you.
Susan A says:
Thank you for sharing your world with us every day. Congratulations on your Valentine!
Poo to the haters!
I absolutely adore you. That is all.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..For each of you: =-.
You, Mike, Maddie and Binky are such a beautiful family (beautiful doesn’t begin to express it, but I’m sick and I can’t find better words). I can’t fathom such joy in the midst of such pain. XO.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..Tread Kindly =-.
I can’t believe anyone would send you nasty things!!
For whatever it’s worth, I imagine Madeline would be so happy to see you happy!! To see you loving her sister as you loved her.
Honestly, reading through everything you two were experiencing in April (and May. and June. etc) I loved you two so much and wished that something would happen for you two to be excited and happy. I kept thinking “I hope they have more children. I hope they find that love again.” I thought it was a horrible thing to think, but I still wished for it. Silently through the internet. I hoped that you would have more children. Not ever to “replace” Maddie, but to save you.
I’ve probably said too much (weird creepy internet stranger stuff). But I’m so happy that you guys are going to be able to give so much love to Maddie’s sister.
Mary in AZ says:
I am incredibly sad to hear that people have hurt you in the past with regards to this precious gift you have been given. No one with half a brain would ever believe that Maddie could or would be replaced. She will forever be precious and cherished in your hearts. (and in the hearts of the many others who love you)
I am happy to see that you are doing so well these days and that Maddie’s precious precious baby sister is growing and getting stronger every day. I am due about a month after you and I think of you often in my prayers.
Jamie M says:
Heather you are amazing! I am so happy for you still and you will be a great mother to 2 daughters!
It makes me SICK to think of anyone EVER being cruel to you or Mike. You deserve all the happiness you can find and how DARE anyone try to criticize that.
Can’t wait to see the little Valentine, I think about you all daily!
Putting yourself and your family out here like you do definitely cannot be easy. And it may seem easier to consider the few bad opinions than the overwhelming amount of positive ones. You’re right – no one knows how it feels but you. And if you and your family are happy and comfortable, that’s all that matters. I wish you nothing but the best!
I had the unfortunate experience of reading one of those “hate mails” a couple of months ago ( before you had a chance to delete it). I was ENRAGED when I read it. Until then, I never knew what you did for your readers. After all the tragedy that you have endured, somehow you still find the strength to protect us, from these heartless people. I know for every one a$$hole out there you have at hundreds of people who love you and want to be here for you, but you already know this. If you ever need some place to dump the hate mail…I would love to take some of my anger out on them…so feel free to forward it to my e-mail…
I am soooo excited for baby Binky and I know Maddie is too.
Kristen McD says:
People baffle me. But you… are amazing. Your daughters are so lucky to have you for a mother. Who else could teach them to love so well?
Michelle W says:
It is inconceivable to me that anyone could sit in judgment of you and Mike. I’m glad though that the vast majority of people you’ve encountered have been compassionate and supportive. Still I know those hateful words cut through. I for one am joyful for not only you and Mike but for Binky as well who couldn’t ask for more loving parents.
Heather, you are so amazing and strong, it takes me breath away. You are so, so brave, and the best mommy any baby could ever hope to have.
You and Mike did the right thing for you, and F anyone who judges you! You honored Maddie’s memory by continuing your plan to give her a baby sister. And we all know that somehow she had a hand in it all.
Binky is not a replacement for Maddie. No one sane would ever think that. Maddie is completely irreplaceable. Her memory will live on forever in your hearts, and in your expanding family, but this new baby is not her. Binky will be beautiful and special and amazing in her own right.
Love to you, Binky, Maddie and Mike.
Thank you so much for sharing with us. I know it was a huuuuuuuuuge step for you to actually tell us your due date and how far along you are. I can’t even imagine how much courage that took.
ps. I better not ever come across whoever was mean to you!!!!
ps. That is the sweetest, most adorable due date ever! I know she won’t stay in there that long, because of the reasons you said, but I just think a Valentine’s Day due date proves how full of love your little Binky is and always will be. I also think a little angel up there named Maddie thought that her little sister would be the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for her sweet Mommy that she loves so much!!
heather – i come here every day to see how you are doing, and to read your beautiful words. it’s shocking that anyone would say anything mean to you. shocking. you continue to inspire me with your strength and willingness to let all of us strangers into your world and into your heart. there are so many of us, who send you love and hugs every day. SO much love to you, mike, maddie and binky. xo
Don’t ever feel you have to justify-though thanks for sharing the date with us all; it is fun to know AND now when 28 weeks 6 days passes, I can pray in a different way for you You guys are always in our family prayers, and we think of you often. MANY congrats on Binky, and don’t ever feel you have to explain why things happen as they did/do-I am so sorry others have been hurtful.
.-= Miche@CoordinatedChaos´s last blog ..Henry =-.
Heather – people are weird. Very, very weird.
Just Jiff says:
It hurts my heart to know that some jerks had the nerve to say ANYthing to you that was even remotely not nice. I mean, really? You have been through the worst possible thing for any parent, and NO ONE has the right to judge if/when you ever decided to have more kids. People like that make me beyond angry, a person I don’t even recognize. Those people make me think Hell is too good of a place for them.
Anyway. On to more positive things:
I think the due date is so precious. I would be scared out of my mind too, had I have been through what you have, but I think the due date is a sweet reminder that Binky is going to be very loved. Having another child will NEVER replace Maddie and I think anyone with half a brain cell knows that.
I think this miracle named Binky DID save your life. And I think Maddie definitely helped plan it that way.
Love & hugs to you all : Mike, Heather, Maddie, and Binky.
.-= Just Jiff´s last blog ..No one noticed. =-.
Miss Grace says:
I'm so happy for you.
.-= Miss Grace´s last blog ..Lacking Cohesion =-.
This does not in any way compare with Maddie, but when I lost my childhood cat–I think I would have been less upset, if I had gone right out and gotten a kitten. I tell people who have a dear pet pass this all the time–go out and get another.
It doesn’t disrespect Maddie for you to want and have another child. It celebrates and honors her. Baby Binky is a much a part of Maddie as she is of you and your husband. Maddie would want you to be happy! Anyone who says otherwise about your family is a jackass.
We are so happy for you all………I too am glad that you are more than halfway there now.I am sorry that you have to deal with sick individuals who need a lot of help and can’t or won’t get the help that they need.I will pray for them.I love reading your blog and all of the sweet and precious memories of your Maddy.I love hearing of yours and Binkys progress and WE SO CANT(BUT WILL) WAIT TO MEET HER,BUT NOT YET,NOT TILL ITS TIME *SO STAY PUT LITTLE ONE*….We are some of your biggest fans, B
amy d says:
It is inconceivable for me to comprehend why anyone would judge you and Mike, much less send you hateful mail or negative comments. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?!
You are truly selfless for sharing your lives with us, and I offer nothing but peace and happiness to you both.
love and kisses to your sweet baby girls!
when i see pictures of you and maddie together.. i see what true love is all about. i’m so happy that another beautiful daughter will get to experience that gift.
thank you so much for sharing your lives with all of us, despite the few who make it hard to do so. you are an inspiration.
Kathryn in Berlin says:
I’m just all kinds of happy for you!!!
.-= Kathryn in Berlin´s last blog ..My new life =-.
It just makes me sick that you even have to explain yourself. Reading this post made me mad and I am finding out that every time that you have to write to explain why you have chosen a certain path, I get even more furious. How can people judge you when they haven’t been in your situation. I believe in fate. If the timing wasn’t right, you would have not gotten pregnant so fast. It took me forever to get pregnant with my second. Don’t listen to those people. Gosh, if you don’t have anything nice to say stop reading Heather’s bog!!
Heather and Mike: I’m so happy for you! and the due date…well she was made with lots of love so it would be fitting to be her due date. Anyone that can write mean comments and judge are plain ol ignorant! I’m so happy that soon you’ll have another beautiful daughter to do all the mother/daughter things you love doing. Maddie is happy for you both and Binky. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Your raw emotions and words on your blog that are so eloquently written. You’re an inspiration to other women…mothers! Sending you hugs! XXXXX
I have never commented before, although I have wanted to many times. I think about all of you every day. What I wanted to say today is that no one has the right to judge you or Mike or what you decide to do. It makes me sick to think that people would try to do so. You are doing what is best for all of you, as you always have always done. I am sure that Maddie is playing a role in it as well, and is so happy that you have a new baby to look forward to. I wish you all the best!
What is wrong with people?!
If ANYONE has anything to say that is anything less than happy, supportive or positive, please direct them to me and I will kick their ass!
Hurray for reaching the 20 week mark! You are more than half way there! xoxox
Please know that we will never forget Maddie, her beautiful face, and her mega-watt smile. Replacing her is simply not possible. However, we will also rejoice with you when you welcome your second beautiful daughter into the world. Anyone that would judge that has no heart.
It’s utterly unbelievable that anyone would send hate email. What a sick thing that is. SO not fair that you had to deal with that. I have a friend who’s baby died and she also got pregnant again right away. Her dd was born 1 year and 1 month after her ds. I saw how incredibly hard it was for her to be pregnant while she was in deep grieving, and yet she was very clear that the new baby was not a replacement. She and her husband had decided that this was the time in their lives when they wanted to be raising a family, and that was that. Grieving with all the hormones and deep-seated worry was terribly hard for her, yet she was SO happy to be holding a baby in her arms again. It sure didn’t take away the pain from losing Gareth, but gave her a future to look forward to sharing with her new baby.
Please don’t let anyone get you down. It’s your life and you are making the right decisions for you. None of us has any idea what you are going through. Most of us are just cheering you along, and can’t wait to see you holding a sweet new baby in your arms. That little girlie is going to be the luckiest baby in the world to have the all love you will give her. Have a peaceful weekend.
I don’t like those people.
Congrats again to you both. I am so happy that you have something to live for.
.-= Heidi´s last blog ..Siblings Without Rivalry =-.
You are beautiful and strong and brave. I am shocked by how mean and judgmental other people can be. I wish you and your family all the best.
Congratulations to you and Mike, Heather. I cannot fathom that ANYONE could be coldhearted, nosy, or ugly enough to judge you…only you and Mike have been there, and only you and Mike can make decisions for your family. I am thrilled for you, and wish nothing but happiness for your family. I’m a longtime lurker, and a first time commenter…the fact that I found out I was pg with my Camille on June 3, and she was due (and born) on Feb 14 was just too much of a coincidence not to comment. Love to your family,
At four years old I watched my infant sister pass away. I know from that periphery that there are simply no words to take away the pain you’re feeling, and because of that I’ve never commented before. I’m sorry there are hateful people who hope to make your life more painful. I’m sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter who will never be replaced. I’m ecstatic to hear of your wonderful news, due February 14th, and look forward to hearing continued wonderful news from your beautiful family. Best wishes to you, Mike, and your Little One.
Amy in Oregon says:
My niece was born on Valentine’s Day 2009, so the date means so much to me….even if Binky will not be born that day, her due date is so special. Thanks for sharing with us…those who love and support you. The rest of them, can go to hell. How dare ANYONE take ANYTHING more from you, even words.
Untypically Jia says:
There is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to continue building your beautiful family!
Nothing in the world could ever replace Maddie, who I admittedly cried over months later when I was eventually introduced to your blog.
But your new little girl is going to be her own person, and she’ll be wonderful in her own little ways. And how on earth could you prevent another spirit like that from being born?
Best wishes to your sweet family.
For every person who’s not rooting for you there are 100 who are.
I hope your baby girl comes safe and sound
Congrats Congrats and Congrats….you are right most of us dont know what its like, but for that i think you are strong, and amazing, loving and an amazing mom. This baby and Maddie are truely blessed!
I am so taken aback that you would get hate mail becuase you got pregnant. I just cant imagine…
How brave of you to share…and until that sweet little girl make her grand entrance, we will pray for her and you daily
WOW, do people not remember “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”. I live by that rule. Can’t imagine anyone judging you. You are amazing. I’ve never commented before but this post really got to me. I’m a twin and was due on 2/14, we were born on 1/3. My sister and I are now 57!!!!! I’m so incredibly happy for you. I wanted you to have another baby because I see you have SO MUCH LOVE to give and know that binky will be the light that you and Mike need. I would never have said that’s what you should do, because it’s not for me or anyone else to tell you. You guys have such a wonderful marriage that shows through in everything you write. How dare those negative people judge you. I say, DELETE DELETE DELETE.
I think it is beautiful that you two were strong and loving enough to continue with your plan to expand your family. And that is what you are doing… expanding the love, not replacing it. You don’t need to justify it to anyone, especially judgmental commenters who don’t even know you.
Tracy Marlow says:
No child can ever be replaced. This little girl is not a replacement and should never be thought of as such. You will be a mom to 2 beautiful girls after she is born, one of which happens to reside in heaven and your heart and one in which you can hold close to your heart and introduce her to her big sister. Congratulations and I will pray that everything will continue to go well. May God bless your family.
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
No one should think that you are trying to replace Maddie-but I know they do. These are the same people who probably think those with large families of one sex of children are trying for the other. People can be so rude and insensitive.
so happy for you and your little Valentine.
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Seventeen Years and I love him more than ever! =-.
You’re so very brave, and I am honored to be allowed to read your story. You inspire me. There just aren’t words.
I couldn’t be happier for all of you!!! May God continue to bless you with a healthy pregnancy and baby Binky!
.-= rayshell´s last blog ..Oh Boy!! =-.
It is shocking to me how people could think anything bad about you and your decision. I think the strength that you and your husband have shown is inspirational. I think the fact that you two have stayed as each other’s support and have choosen to continue your lives and to bring someone else into the world who can spread Maddie’s message is amazing. I am so happy for you all.
I am sorry that on top of everything else you are dealing with you have to deal with assholes. F*ck them.
You are courageous and have helped me more than you can ever know. Thank you.
Hi Heather. I found your blog just this week through a link in another blog and have spent hours reading about you and your beautiful family. I’ve wanted to comment every day but can’t figure out how to express what I want to say and really, what difference would one more stranger who is pulling for you make? But you know what? You have touched so, so many people in ways that you can’t even imagine and you should know that. If reaching out to you to tell you how much this stranger is hoping and praying for you and yours helps detract from the disgusting, cruel haters out there for even one second, I felt it was important to delurk and add another voice to those pulling for you.
What a fabulous due date! Even if she is born early she’ll always be able to say how she was DUE on Valentines Day but came early.
I was born on July 4th but Due 10 days earlier. As July 4th approached my Grandpa told my mom he’d disown us both if I wasn’t born on July 4th. I was and he flew a cloth diaper with my name and statistics on his flag pole in his backyard along w/ the American Flag. I still have the diaper. I tell that story a lot too.
Thanks for sharing.
.-= Sandra´s last blog ..Interesting Family Cont~ =-.
I don’t understand people who say horrible things like that. They are clearly idiots who cannot comprehend what it means to love a child and that, no matter what, that child is irreplaceable. Tell them to suck it.
I am so excited for you both. No, Madeline can not be replaced. But, oh how much love you can lavish on this new little girl. They are separate things. It is a great thing to bring a baby into this world and we may not ever know why Madeline was only with you a short while. Just praise God for knowing her and for this new little life. Praying for your health and strength through the rest of your pregancy.
People that say mean and horrible things are just that……..mean and horrible people. Do not take what those depraved people say to heart, they have issues they should be looking into and not making themselves feel better by lashing out at you. I think for what you have been through you are doing very well. Continue to live your life, honor maddie’s memory, AND love your soon to be baby girl. You both deserve some happiness again.
I’m truly dumbfounded that anyone would send you hate mail. I would generalize that people are stupid and downright mean, but look at all the wonderful comments you’ve gotten. There’s just that tiny populace who feel the need to pull people down. Let’s pretend they don’t exist.
What matters most is your love for each other, for Maddie and for Binky. All the rest can just fade away.
Much love to you both.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Family =-.
I tried to write this comment many times, to tell how brave you are, but in reality I’m stumped by the fact that you two got hate mail. Unbelievable.
Your family is blessed and amazing. Anyone who can’t see and understand that does not need to be here. You all deserve nothing but good things to come your way. Love to all of you.
Jess L. says:
Seriously, any one who could find fault in your courage to bring a new life into this world after what you’ve been through is just not worth your time.
I do understand and respect your hesitancy to share your new daughter’s due date with us…. but I am awfully excited to be able to share in the countdown, too!
You know I just figured out yesterday that you were being really vague. I read every now and then and so I went back and looked for the due date or reference to what week you were on, I thought I missed it on one of the days I didn’t read. That is when I realized that you were purposely concealing it. I figured it was your PERFECT RIGHT!! Just because you have a blog doesn’t mean EVERYTHING has to be public knowledge.
I am sorry you got mean comments!
What a perfect due date for Binky! And how anyone could think she’s a “replacement” for Maddie.. I will never understand. But at the same time, your lives, and your family didn’t end and that is to be commended. You, Mike and Rigby should get to enjoy the anticipated arrival of Binky without anything but good thoughts (and of course the impossible to stop worries I suppose). I really have marvelled at the pictures of Binky and how similar she looks to her big sisters pictures already–quite the family resemblance–which I had no idea you could see on ultrasound, so it’s also educational! LOL.
And personally, I’d think Maddie would be very happy that her baby sister saved Mommy’s life here, it sounds to me like the timing was just right, meant to be and all that. I come to your site every morning hoping for a happy, healthy update from you–even though I am yet another nameless, faceless person who has been following your story. You have an entire internet world out here thinking of you Heather, and most of us have nothing but GOOD things to say.
Jennifer Spencer says:
I think the ones who truly matter would never even entertain the idea that Binkie could be a “replacement” for Maddie. I think it’s wonderful that you are expanding your family!!
You’re surrounded by a great medical team, a loving family, and great friends. We’re pulling all for you!! As for the others? Ignore and delete.
i am sorry you feel that you have to justify your decisions you make as a family – congratulations and best of luck – that is all you shold hear.
You really received awful mean comments about your pregnancy? There has got to be a special place in hell for anyone who would sit down an send you such inexplicable poison. And anyone who could even for a second think that one child could ever “replace” another should be lobotomized.
Much love to you all!
.-= Danny´s last blog ..Ease on Down the Road =-.
I have followed your journey for about a year now. I feel as though you are one of my friends. That your family is a part of our family. You have not a clue who I am, which is the odd, odd world of blogging. I am a confessed blurker. I hardly ever make comments but felt so compelled to share my thoughts with you today, along with so many others. How on earth anyone could pass judgment on you, your family and your decisions, is beyond me. You went through the worst nightmare when you lost your Maddie. A nightmare that is constantly in your head every moment of every day. How can anyone think an ounce of awful thoughts toward you and Mike? You have SURVIVED this nightmare and are inching your way onward…I apologize for all of the terrible people out there that say and THINK awful things. You and Mike are my heroes. I am so, so sorry you have had to endure such a terrible, TERRIBLE horrific thing. Please know your Maddie lives on in so many ways. EVERY little child I meet with the name Madeline, I think of YOUR Maddie. I wish you and Mike the best as you travel this journey. I wish you an uneventful pregnancy. I wish so badly people would learn to hold their tongues before they say awful things. I am thrilled for you and Mike. I have no doubt that little Maddie is thrilled for you to meet her sister, that she sent to you Bless you.
Anyone who judges you is a buttface. For lack of a better, and stronger word.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! She is bound to be amazing.
.-= Jodi´s last blog ..A truly thankful Thanksgiving =-.
Restless Mama says:
That is lovely – I am so happy for you both.
My friend is also expecting her 2nd child on Valentine’s Day.
We’re sending you and Mike our aloha and many, many hugs.
.-= Restless Mama´s last blog ..Weekend sign off =-.
When I first read about your pregnancy, want to know what came to my mind? How incredibly bittersweet it was that you and Mike came together in your grief to create something to live for. Many blessings and much love as you face everything you need to face.
Thanks for sharing this part of your lives with us. I don’t think any of us can truly understand how difficult this was to do, but I thank you for sharing not only the news of your second child, but also your strength, courage, and endurance. It’s truly inspiring, and I pray that you and Binky will be kept well and healthy until she’s ready to come into the world.
Beautiful, My prayers are with you and mike.
It breaks my heart that you even had to make this post and justify the beautiful new life inside of you. Maddie is a beautiful and irreplaceable force in your lives, and her sister will only add to it, not replace it.
When we lost a family member a year ago, a friend of mine (a physics major in college) reminded me that energy is neither created or destroyed, only redistributed in other forms. I smile to think of Katherine’s endless energy and light and that it isn’t gone, but just different. All around me rather than contained just in her.
Keep up the great work with the beautiful writing.
Those who have mean, hurtful things to say, just don’t deserve to have the internet or deserve the ability to read. Literacy should be a privilege not a right….I’m sorry that some people find it necessary to say mean things to you.
Heather and Mike,
I have only commented once or twice but I read both of your blogs as often as you update them.
When I first read you were pregnant again I was so excited for the 2 of you. No child is replaceable but I think it is a blessing that you were able to see through your grief and create another miracle. You both see to be amazing parents and you need children in your life. Maddie would want you to have more lots more (if you can get through the pregnancies LOL) She is watching over you and I am sure you will see alot of Maddie in Binky. Congratulations to the both of you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am on the east coast so I wake every morning and read your words. You are stronger then you think, and very inspirational.
Oh, I’m so sorry people could possibly feel that it’s even remotely okay to judge you in any way about this issue especially. To write anything rude or mean is totally evil and sick. I, even though I know it’s none of my business, am extremely happy to know that your husband and you could still be in a place that you were so close and relied on one another so heavily during that time in your lives. SO nothing to be ashamed of and it makes me sick to know that ANYONE could be so cruel. Nobody knows how this is to deal with (for you), I’m sure it’s different for everyone.
Thank you Heather for sharing all you do with us, I am completely in your corner. I think it is such a pure thing for you to admit that this baby has saved your life. I’m thankful for that little (BIG) blessing you now have. A replacement, never. A reason for renewed hope and joy, absolutely.
Headless Mom says:
Clinging to one another is the best way to get through this. Binky is proof of that.
Love you all lots!
.-= Headless Mom´s last blog ..Two =-.
We are so lucky to have you in our lives and for you to share your life with us. Thank you for not letting a few grumpy and unhappy people keep you from this blog. I can’t wait to meet your little girl when she graces us with her presence!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..The Do Gooders List =-.
Queen of Quite-a-Lot says:
You know what? This is YOUR life and these are your decisions. Even if you had waited to conceive 10 years after Maddie’s death, some people would have had something negative to say.
I am so happy for you and Mike. I believe that all children are a gift and a blessing from God. He had a plan, and that plan included your newest baby girl to be conceived when she was. God’s timing isn’t always our timing, but somehow He knew that this new baby girl would have a purpose, and I do believe some of that purpose was to save your life, to save Mike’s life.
Let people talk. Let them be awful. I feel badly for people like that, people that can’t see past the negative and celebrate this new life. A Valentine’s Day baby-how special. And how fitting-she is bringing you some much needed and deserved love.
.-= Queen of Quite-a-Lot´s last blog ..A Heart Full of Love. =-.
You are amazing and inspiring.
Scattered Mom says:
I literally gasped when I read that some people actually sent you hate mail and wrote cruel things. WTF?
The world just astounds me, sometimes.
I thought that Binky was like a gift. A beautiful, special gift from Maddie to let you know to carry on.
Can’t wait to see her.
(Ps…she shares that time of year w/my brother and Hubs..great choice!)
Just wishing you my continued love and support from afar. x
How anyone could think that Binky is a replacement to Maddie is just crazy to me. Of course you will love Binky in her own right and she will always be special to you. Just like Maddie will always be loved and will always be special. Binky is a gift from God just like Maddie. It’s yours and yours alone to decide when you’re going to have children. Other people need to butt out!!
Congratulations on the Binkster! She will be gorgeous just like her sister.
I’m so excited for you, and excited to know the date of your little girl’s due date. Don’t let anyone shame you. Maddie can never be replaced, and your new baby is an absolute miracle. It is only natural for you and Mike to find comfort in each other. My prayers continue to go up for the sad memories to fade, and the incredible ones to grow stronger every day. I know Maddie is so proud of you and Mike for how you continue to persevere and inspire others.
Just wanted to send my love and support to you all. xoxo
.-= Lindsey´s last blog ..F%&!ing Maria =-.
Heather and Mike-
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your story with us. You both are such brave, strong, and wonderful people. And Maddie was absolutely gorgeous! As I’m sure Binky will be as well.
10 years ago, my husband and I lost our beautiful daughter Elly. Elly was 2 when she passed away. Like you, we decided to continue our plans to expand our family despite our loss. Many people judged us and told us we were trying to replace Elly. 11 months after we lost Elly, we had our beautiful daughter Rachel. We think of Elly everyday, and will never forget her. Rachel was followed by three siblings, and though Rachel, Isaac, Sophie and Amelia will never replace Elly, they are the ones that keep us living and ease our pain with their beautiful smiles and infectious laughs.
Rachel is now 9, Isaac 7, and Sophie and Amelia are 4. We talk about their sister Elly everyday, and it is through them that we are able to keep Elly’s spirit alive.
I know that Binky will bring you as much joy as our kids have brought us despite unimaginable losses.
My thoughts are with the both of you in this trying time.
I hate comparing myself to you, you have suffered so much and I still have my little girl here with me, but I cannot help but find so much comfort in your posts b/c in so many ways you say the things I am thinking and feeling about a pregnancy after a preemie. And I feel such a kinship to you.
My daughter was 27 wks 6 days when I went into pre-term labor (reasons still unknown, but suspected). She was born Jan 19, 2008 (just 1 day after Maddie got to go home-now I feel like a stalker b/c I know that!) and weighed 2lbs 11 oz. She spent several months in the NICU, but is now for the most part a healthy 20 mos old.
My husband and I spent several months last spring trying to enlarge our family. I found out on June 6 of this year I was pregnant (due the first week of Feb.) only to miscarry 2 days later. We decided to wait a few months before trying again simply b/c we didn’t want to conceive around the same time we did with our daughter. Fate had other plans, and on Aug 3 I found out I was again pregnant, this time due within 3 days of my daughter’s due date (April 14 the first time and now April 17).
We are following the exact same timeline as we did with my daughter’s pregnancy and it is terrifying and a little creepy. Even though I am only 12 weeks, I have already had several complications that have now resulted in more frequent OB visits and extra ultrasounds (the good stuff!), but a so far healthy baby. Until I pass that 27wk 6 day mark(which will be 3 days after my daughter’s birthday) I will not feel any less terrified.
I too will have to have a c-section, and due to issues with my first emergency c-section I am at way increased risk of uterine rupture, so I will not make it to this baby’s due date.
I applaud you and MIke for your strength in continuing to try to give Maddie the sibling she would have loved to no end, and for succeeding! You should never feel as though you have to justify any of your actions to anyone else. Just as always I am sending you wonderful thoughts for a long and uneventful pregnancy!
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..How to Successfully Do the Dishes With a Toddler =-.
It is simply unfathomable to me that people could judge you, and I hope that you never underestimate just how many people are pulling for you. Our baby girl was conceived soon after losing our second child and while my dad was terminally ill. I feared that others would think our pregnancy signaled that we were “over” our losses and sadness, and I too was cautious about telling people for that reason. You are courageous and so incredibly loving; you inspire me more every day, Heather.
I’m so sorry people have to be so ridiculous and judgmental. I know what you mean about it being hard to separate the two pregnancies. This time around, my due date was exactly the same as my preemie’s due date! I told them no way, but I think the doc though I was joking. The perinatologist’s u/s machine calculated things a little differently though, and came up with February 18th. It’s only a 3 day difference, but mentally it was better than having the exact same date!
We’re only a few days apart. Wishing you smooth sailing for the next 4 months!
PS We didn’t actually meet, but it was good to see and hear you at Type-A Mom.
.-= Kristie´s last blog ..Universal Bilirubin Screening Reduces Serious Newborn Jaundice =-.
Karin Roseland says:
A very wise person once told me: “what other people thing about you is none of your business”.
You decide when, how, and what is right for your family and it is nobody elses’ business.
Find your center – it is there for you.
hey, I’ve been wondering how far along you are as you write; now I’m happy to know. Truly, I agree with all previous 311 posts that ugly mean comments are reflections of those who write them and not the subject matter.
You and Mike conceiving on whatever timeline you did is your business and really, a reflection of how your relationship with each other is essential and critical to your family’s coping and healing (if even possible, but you know what I mean). You’re saving each others’ lives day in and day out, and however you do that is only your business. B is heaven sent from Miss Maddie herself to give you two have someone to hug and kiss. Maddie knows you’re not replacing- so far from it. She sent you a tangible little person, knowing you have so much love to pour on both children. I have no doubt she’s happy playing and giggling with other angels and watching over your every move, as well as every week of Binky’s prenatal life to get successfully closer to February INSIDE the “oven”.
.-= Janeen´s last blog ..When technology really does know better =-.
The curse of being a popular blogger – you have to put up with the trolls!
Some friends of mine conceived their child in response to 9-11. Different, more removed kind of pain, but a similar impetus. Something painful and ugly comes into your life, a natural reaction is to want to create something beautiful in response.
Maddie was such a radiant little thing, of course you want to build another and bring her into your miserable lives. She will also be radiant, she will bring you joy, and she will be a sibling who will go on to remember Madeline (and the stories you share of her) long after you and Mike are gone.
My father was a baby born in 1950 to a 41 year old mom. Her 5 year old was hit by a car and killed, and even though she was not planning further children due to her age, she had my dad to relieve the pain, to distract her from daily misery, and to bring her joy. And he did! And he had lots of kids himself, including me, three sisters, and one son he named after the 5 year old brother he never knew. Circle of effing life, am I right? Babies are joy. Be joyous, and hope that the twin razors of joy and grief don’t, as Virginia Woolf says, cut you asunder.
.-= Gillian´s last blog ..City Living =-.
I think that you are both unbelievably brave. May all the well wishes & healthy babe vibes that pour through the net towards you also help cloak you from people who post things that are hurtful.
Gosh – by “miserable lives” I mean, of course, you are grieving for you wee Maddie. In re-reading that sounded harsh.
.-= Gillian´s last blog ..City Living =-.
How can anyone judge you for wanting to have another baby.
I’ve been following your blog for awhile, especially because my brother in law and his wife had premature twins. It was very stressful for them in the early days, but I, had always thought that your Madeline was in the clear, because the twins thrived, even though they were about 2 pounds each when they were born.
I was shocked to read about Maddie’s passing and although I do not know what it is like to lose a child, I felt completely devastated by you losing yours. I didn’t know what to say, and so I said nothing for a long time.
Having children is a gift. It is a blessing and I cannot believe that you have people hating on you over wanting another baby.
I always thought it would be hard having to share the love that I have for one – but it isn’t. It isn’t hard at all.
What the heck??!!! Are you serious?? Who could find fault with the fact that you guys want a family???
People are insane!!!
I imagine whether you lost Maddie or not, this was your plan, and I for one am so happy you moved forward with it!
CONGRATS!!! I am so darn happy for you guys. I am sure all will go well. Remember to breath, relax, and enjoy! All will be fine. And another beautiful girl will be here before you know it!!
Can’t wait to hear her name….
My third child saved my life, too, although I waited for a year after losing Noah (PROM at 23W4D – born at 23W6D – died the following morning). Sam fixed my broken heart. Until someone has had to endure the pain of having empty arms, they have no place to tell us what the “right” decision is to make. I’m sorry some people have been nasty to you about the choice you made.
Anyone that passes judgment on you or that has said nasty things probably have quite a long list of issues. plain and simple. Please know that all the decent people are pulling for you and crying with you getting excited about Binky WITH you.
Living is so much better than the alternative, Heather. I’m glad you and Mike decided to move forward.
Lots of love,
.-= Sareh´s last blog ..10 months ago… =-.
I am so sorry that you had to write this, had to feel this on top of everything else. Mean people suck so bad.
Honey, there’s not one of us that has the right to judge another. Live your life. You and Mike are so, so loved, and you bless us by sharing the gift of your lives.
It blows my mind that anyone would ever feel like they have the right to comment on something like that. They are not you, they do not truly know what your feeling, no matter how well you express yourself here. And more than anything, your decision to expand your family, regardless of the circumstances, has absolutely no effect on their lives. I don’t understand what exactly they are trying to accomplish by making those comments.
Just like when any couple decides to have more children, it doesn’t mean they love their other children any less. You are so brave and so strong, and this child is so loved, just as her beautiful big sister is.
.-= Valerie´s last blog ..What I did with my morning =-.
Thinking of you, as always, from across the blogosphere. =)
Heather and Mike,
Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us, people you don’t even know. I can’t fathom the pain you go through every day but I hope your new daughter can bring you as much joy as Maddie certainly did and still does.
I wish you the very best for the rest of your pregnancy and I look forward to the day you announce her arrival!
All my best,
I never for one second could fathom anyone with a heart thinking that way towards you two. When I read about Maddie’s passing I honestly felt another child would be a blessing for the two of you. When I heard about Binky I was SO happy for the two of you! Binky won’t replace Maddie but I think she’s helped in more ways than anyone can know.
I think you two have so much love to give and now you have someone to give it to.
This is my first comment. I wanted to say that as I have followed your lives these past months, I have been awed – that’s the only word for it – by the fact that you have spoken your absolute, unflinching truth, and out of that you have fashioned a way to go on, and not just *go on* but to live.
I admire that – to be extra syrupy I’ll even say that it gives me hope (and it does).
Thank you for the honesty and the hope. The world could do with more of both, if anyone asks me. (they don’t ;-))
I wish you all the best in the world.
My love to you and Mike and Maddie and Ms. Binky, and Rigby too.
Coming out of “hiding” to say good for you! I wish there was a way to block anyone that had negative things to say before they said it because you really don’t deserve that one bit. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with creating another beautiful little baby EVER. She will never replace what you lost but she will add to your life and others. Congrats!
people can be such idiots! Congrats! I hope for you nothing but happy, healthy times now and always!
You and Mike are incredibly honest and sincere in your feelings and thoughts of your sweet Maddie. Thank you for continuing to share her with all of us. Binky is a gift to be celebrated and cherished. Thank you for sharing her with us too! God bless you and your family!
You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone!!! Congratulations on this wonderful little one! I’m sure Maddie will be so glad to know her little sister is there to bring smiles to “their” Mommy and Daddy!!!
People are assholes. You are phenomenal. I don’t comment often (ever), but I couldn’t resist telling you how very delighted I am by Binky’s creation. Not a replacement, no, never. But a wonderful gift.
I don’t think that’s weird or judging-material at all. In fact, I think it speaks to the strength of your marriage that the two of you were able to agree & commit to the decision, even in the face of the immense pain you were going through. It’s beautiful, really. And I pray that the rest of your pregnancy goes well.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..BOO! =-.
Hi. Congratulations!! I have not been through anything compared with you so I am not trying to make comparisons but I am familiar with the judging. I lost a baby well into second trimester and right away started process of adopting. The adoption was much quicker then anticipated and my little girl was home prior to when I had been due with my pregnancy. She saved my life. I had to have something to live for some sort of hope. Not a replacement but a chance that I could go on. You are brave and strong to share your story and my prayers are always with you
I would never, ever judge you. And I didn’t ever think for one moment you were replacing Maddie.
You are so wonderful and you will always, always have my support.
.-= Jess´s last blog ..Life is too short =-.
Anyone with a brain cell knows that you cannot replace a child. Each child is different in awesome in their own right. Maddie could NEVER be replaced. She was an awesome child and one that is missed by many, many people everyday!
I am appalled that someone would actually have the cojones to say anything to the contrary! This is one of those times when I really want to scream (write) profanity’s because these people with, obviously not a sane thought in their head, need to be stopped! Their venom is disgusting. What a low class of a human being(s). They can POUND SAND!
Sorry…I will get off my soap box now.
How awesome that Binky’s due date just so happens to coincide with the sweetest day of the year sooo appropriate for a sweet baby girl.
Honestly, when I found out you were expecting again, I broke out in tears…happy tears. I was and am so ecstatic for your family. You all have been through hell.
I am so glad that Binky is giving you the will to carry on. I believe that Maddie would not want it any other way.
You have my support & love 100%!!
You can send the evil ones my way! I would love to say a few things to them!
Love, Jenn in CA
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Life’s not fair =-.
Judge you? For having another dear little girl? Goodness! Why?
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..He’s With The Band =-.
I hope no one ever considers Maddie replaceable – she will always be your first child. That cannot be changed.
I know you said that she will be born sooner, but my husband’s birthday is that day – he always says it’s a great birthday for a girl, but not for a boy. And my own precious daughter is a Feb. baby, so I know it’s a great month to have a baby girl!
.-= Christiana´s last blog ..Food & Wine =-.
I can’t imagine any reason why your time of conception could make a difference in this. It’s not like you went and got a child a week later. This is a 9 month process. You don’t know me, but I am THRILLED for you! You will never replace, Maddie, but you will have a new bundle of joy to grow with for the rest of your life!
This one time I can tell you I completely 100% understand. Maybe she’ll be born on February 11…it’s a really good day (wink).
You know that Madeline is not replaceable and that is all that matters. I love you.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Vintage =-.
Keary Naughton says:
Just keep hanging in there, one day at a time. Why someone would leave a negative comment is beyond my comprehension…..Many good thoughts are coming your way from me.
.-= AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..So Much For Awesome Blog Fodder =-.
I’ve been a long time reader and haven’t commented before. However, I am thrilled for you and Mike. You can never replace Maddie and that hole will never be filled, but expanding your family shouldn’t stop if that’s what you had planned.
My sister and brother-in-law lost a child 8 days before her due date. While we didn’t get any time with my nephew outside the womb, the loss is still the same. We all have a hole in our lives where he should be. I often wonder what he would be like today.
3 months after that my sister got pregnant again. My nephew Tyler was born exactly 50 weeks after Zeke passed away. Tyler didn’t replace Zeke, but he did help us to see a new version of our future. My sister got some backlash from several people for getting pregnant so soon after Zeke’s passing, but it was right for her and my brother-in-law.
Today, we still miss Zeke, but Tyler helped us. All of us. I guess, if I can say anything, Binky will help you too, as she already has. That kind of timing is never wrong!
Even though she will be here before Valentine’s Day, how appropriate for her due date to be that date.
Hugs to you both.
Just wanted you to know that no one could EVER replace Maddie- that is completely understood. Not for you, or for anyone that loves her (including her many internet fans, odd as that may sound). I wish you all the best with this pregnancy. It must be terrifying and wonderful and a whole bunch of other things, all at the same time.
What kind of morons feel they have a right to judge you about anything?? Whose business is it when you decide to have kids? Geez. Some people just seem to be on this earth to spread their ickiness. Jerks.
Well, no one or no thing could ever replace your Madeline and Binky is her own person — not a replacement. No one should give you guys crap about your choices. You do what you need to do to survive this nightmare you have been trapped in for months . . . and tell the haters to shove it. Didn’t there Mamas teach them right? If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!
I’m so sorry.
I have been reading your blog for some time, but this is the first time I have commented on it. You are an amazing, kind, warm, loving person, and my heart goes out to you and your husband.
I pray that everything continues to go well for you.
I look at Maddie’s pictures and my heart breaks a little bit every time. I can not even begin to imagine what things have been like for you, but your words speak volumes.
Binky is a blessing, pure and simple. It has given you hope, through a very dark time.
……A friend in Ohio
I’m just sending you hugs. I’m sorry that a few people have been unkind.
When my mom got pregnant with me, she was 34 (and that was 30 years ago). Back then, that was OLD to be having a second (unplanned) child. She was so depressed over being pregnant at that age. Then, my father died of cancer when I was eight years old. Now that I’m older, my mom has told me how she didn’t want to live. How she wanted to stay in bed and do nothing but sleep and cry. But she couldn’t. She had to live for me. She had to keep getting out of bed and moving through life because of me. She knows now, that the good Lord blessed her with a child because He knew she would need me, just as much as I needed her.
Congratulations on your new baby. I hope you’ll tell her how her due date was Valentine’s Day which makes her impossible not to love more than all the sand in the Sahara. And I know she’ll know how much her sister loves her… even from her heavenly perch.
.-= MrsBagley´s last blog ..Things I Want… to Share =-.
I’m stunned that people would be so unkind when you were already in so much pain. I’m so sad that people can be that heartless. Fortunately, the idiots were far outnumbered by people, who like me, were thrilled to read that you and Mike received a blessing and a reason to face each day once again. Of course no addition to your family will ever replace irreplaceable Maddie, and there is more than enough love in your hearts for BOTH your daughters!
I continue to wish you all the best in your pregnancy, and look forward to seeing pictures of little Binky come February.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
I have a really good feeling that you’ll make it past even 34 weeks. Yup. I said it. You’re gonna get BIG. HUGE. And you’ll have a healthy baby girl in your tummy.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..Please, tax my fat ass. I need to be taught a lesson. A lesson that I’m fat and should pay up. =-.
WOW. Seriously, all I can say is that I am sorry on behalf of those who have said awful things to you. As if losing your daughter wasn’t awful enough. I am thrilled that you’re expanding your family and can’t wait to “meet” Binky.
Judgmental people suck! (And I’m not judging, just stating fact.) My theory about judgmental people is that their lives are so crapped out that its just easier to meddle in other peoples’ business rather than deal with their own. I’m so thankful for your openness; I hope it has been helpful and beneficial to be so as it is to those of us out here who have been blessed by your words and thoughts. Congratulations on Binky’s projected entry into the world!
Miss E says:
Sweetie, good for you for sticking to your guns. NO ONE has the right to judge you. It’s your life. I think you are amazingly brave and strong. Sending you hugs and prayers, as always. xoxo
.-= Miss E´s last blog ..A Cancer reacting to Cancer =-.
Fantastic post. No one can ever know what another person is working with, or judge anyone – not only on decisions as big as having a family, but on little ones.
As we grow older, we should grow humbler and more understanding of how much we cannot know about others. It baffles me how many people do remain judgmental. I think it shows a certain part of some people’s brains is unable to fully mature. We all have opinions, but at least recognize that your opinion of someone else can never really be fully informed.
And knowing that, keep your damn mouth shut!
.-= Maile´s last blog ..About to face another weekend =-.
I am 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant!! I am so glad you shared your due date…I will look forward to reading your blog even more now to compare our pregnancies. I have a son who was born on Feb. 1, 07 and the ultra sound tech gave us an 80% chance that this one is a girl. Maddie is beautiful, and I am sure your next little girl will be too! I have a name picked out already, do you? (I am the one who wrote you about the Netti pot helping pregnant sinuses, it really does…I am about to go use mine now.)
I am sickened by the fact that anyone would judge you and Mike for your decisions. I am glad you are feeling supported by the majority of your readers. You are very, very loved and I could not be happier for you! My daughter and I pray for you and Binky every night.
.-= wordygirl´s last blog ..Attention all non-Feminists and/or non-Mothers =-.
I am so happy for you two. its fantastic to see that your at least semi-happy. I cant imaging anyone ever thinking you could replace that beautiful baby, but if they do, let them think that. you and mike and the rest of us who you allow into your world know that you are amazing and wonderful people who love maddie very much and only want to have the family fate screwd up for you. no one can blame you for that. Personally, I think its fantastic that you and mike can contine with your plans for a family. It only shows how strong you are and how much love you have to give. Binky will be one of the most loved babies in the world. I understand how it hurts (though ill admit, i dont know your pain), but i think if maddie had a say in it at all, she’d want you to share some of the love you have for her with a new baby. and if anyone else doesnt like it, to hell with them!
Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts and feelings. It must take a lot of courage.
Best wishes for you and Binky for a long and healthy pregnancy and for your family moving forward. I can’t know how hard it is for you; my heart hurts for you all every day.
what a blessing your new little one is! i’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for february 2nd – it’s a great birthday.
Your decision and timing on family planning is yours and Mike’s (with Maddie having a big part I just know)
is yours’ and yours’ alone.
It would be impossible, I think, for a reader to avoid how impossibly much you love and miss Maddie with every particle of both of your beings.
Wishing you more Teflon for your shield against the hurtful people and the cruel.
.-= Karen ´s last blog ..Our Wedding Ceremony- the Karen version =-.
Debi Powell says:
Lovely letter Heather! I cant imagine why anyone would judge you and Mike for having more children! I think its amazing and sweet that you and Mike connected in your grief and made your daughter, while grieving for Maddie! Nothing and no one could EVER replace that child!… she was one of a kind, and extremely special… just as this little girl due on Vday will be!!
I’m thrilled for you…. you’re obviously an amazing Mommy, and SHOULD expand your family! This little girl will be so blessed, thats for sure!
Celebrating with you….
I’m so very excited to meet your second daughter – to maybe see a resemblance to Maddie. She might have eyes just like her Mama too! I’m so sorry that anyone was ever heartless enough to send you hate mail or say terrible things to you, when you took the risk of opening your hearts and your lives to us. You have been so courageous in posting your life for the world to read, in sharing your trials, your grief and your joys with us. How dare anyone cast judgment.
OMG! People really said mean things and sent hate mail?! Unbelievable… truly. To that all I can say is ITA with Beth’s comment (at 1:47 AM this morning) about Karma…
When you were evasive about the due date I assumed it was for some reason of your own, But I must tell you it was maddening not to know how far along you are in order to know when you would pass 28 weeks etc. ( my girls were born at 30 weeks after trying to show up at 26 weeks, so boy do I understand the importance of those milestone weeks… and I like my prayers to be specific, LOL
Like so many others I think Binky’s due date is so fitting… no better symbolism of the LOVE you and Mike for each other and your family. So many have suggested at different times that Maddie hand picked her little sister, so I also see it as a symbol of Maddie’s loving spirit… what better symbol of life than love itself? Binky is going to be one special delivery wrapped in love!
Since she’s gonna make an [not too] early arrival, I’ll be looking forward to seeing that bundle of love, aka Binky, in some adorable Valentine’s day attire in some pictures right here on your blog!!!
thank you, as always Heather for sharing your world with us…
Ok, maybe I don’t get it. Please tell me though – how could you and your husband (doing what husband and wife do! LOL) be critisized (sp?) for having another child? What mean spirited people would think negatively on that??!! When I first read that you were expecting again, I actually felt a tinge of…I don’t know…a tinge…Like, I can’t imagine what you must have felt when you found out you were expecting another baby…The happiness must have been so mixed with guilt and memories and sadness and excitement…wow!
So I guess if one of those “haters” have one child that they were fortunate enough to not lose to some horrible disease or accident, that if they have a second child – was that because they didn’t love their other child enough? Ridiculous to think, right?! Well so is thinking that Binky will ever replace Maddie! That’s retarded! Mom’s and dad’s were extremely blessed – God gave them the ability to have these huge hearts and love, and love and love no matter how many children they have loved! It’s magical, I know…And apparently these people that have said anything negative to you (dumb) are extremely stupid. They should never reproduce themselves. HA!
I am so glad to have been able to be a part of your announcement! Ok, but since you are such a fabulous blogger – I do expect a blog AS you are delivering!! C-section or not – BLOG! LOL
That was beautiful. I am so happy for you both. I really wish you could be shielded from the lunatics who seek people out who are speaking their truth in pain.
You have many friends here who have never met you. We are with you as you continue to tell your story, and we support you and the healthy, inspiring way you have chosen to continue your life.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with people saying hurtful things. We are praying for you and hoping with you and are so looking forward to hearing the news of Binky’s safe arrival.
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Vivian is 4 months old! =-.
I read your blog everday and can’t get enough of Maddies sweet face! I have only commented once as I feel I couldn’t possibly have words strong enough to console a grieving mother!
This post has made me need to comment….
I simply want to say:
“not one person has the right to judge your family! When and why you decided to try for another angel is nobody’s business”
Your amazing parents and Binky is blessed to have you both for parents and to have such an amazing sister to look up too!
Good for you. I don’t care when you conceived – it’s none of my business – I’m just glad you did…not to replace Maddie (as if!), but because you deserve it; you deserve a baby to love and cuddle and be a part of your lives along with Maddie. I hope Binky stays in there as long as physically possible and can’t wait to see her when she arrives.
.-= pgoodness´s last blog ..Fairly Good =-.
I don’t understand why people have to think being cruel is necessary. I think it is wonderful that you are having another child. I know some people that have lost children and they had told me it helped them cope when their next child was born so I was hoping that you two wouldn’t rule it out. Nothing can mend a broken heart like the smile of a baby:) I wish you well and even if she isn’t born on Valentine’s Day, I think it is a great sign that she is due that day! Take care of yourself:)
Congrats! What a perfect day for Binky to be due on!
Sad that we base our shared words upon ones that come from people we don’t even know.
Thank you for sharing the ones you have!
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Graciously accepting the torch of being Over the Top =-.
Oooooohhh now i can count with you!!! Yay!!! I knew you had your reasons for not sharing and was happy just to estimate, but this is so awesome. We can all collectively hold our breaths together. So your roll over day every week is Sunday if I have that right. Thank you so much for sharing. You’re going to soar past that date. This baby is in a different situation.
I cannot believe anyone would ever say anything ugly to you. It blows my mind. The nerve. People out there are just nuts. Your supporters/internet stranger friends love you and think the world of you. You are amazing. AMAZING. Your decision to embrace life, rescue yourselves, and give life to another is brave, loving, and utterly surreal. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Everyone lives their life their own way. Only you and Mike decide what way works for you. You will be sitting across the table from this daughter one day when she’s an adult and look back and marvel at what a wonderful, courageous young woman you were and you will thank every star out there in the heavens that you were able to summon the love and courage to give her life. You have to know that Maddie had a hand in this. (And that’s coming from someone who is about as religious/spiritual as a tree.) So I suspect that while you are thanking those stars 20 or 30 years from now, Maddie will be nodding right there along with you with that giant smile on her face and patting herself on the back for her role in this miracle.
I have two more words for the ugly people that would make a nice ending to this comment, but they are too ugly to type here. You can use your imagination.
HEATHER-WE LOVE YOU OUT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jennifer Dawn says:
So happy for you! I’m mostly a lurker, but I visit your journal every day. My baby girl is due February 4th (first child). I admire you so much and can’t believe anyone has ever had a bad thing to say to you/about you. It’s unfathomable.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy…I’m right there with you!
.-= Jennifer Dawn´s last blog ..128 days to go… =-.
People who spew that kind of pointless, mean-spirited venom simply aren’t capable of understanding the kind of love you’ve had in your life — for the daughter you’ve lost, the one who’s on the way, and for their dad. You don’t need to justify your choices to anyone, least of all malicious spineless a-holes….
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
You are so amazing and courageous to share this journey with us – I just don’t think that gets said enough. I am so excited to meet Binky, and while I know that a new baby will not erase the pain that you feel, I hope she eases the hurt in your heart. Can’t wait until V-day 2010
.-= Jill´s last blog ..life is beautiful. =-.
What a bizarre world we live in where you think you have to, in any way, explain yourself to others.
I understand that once you have read something it’s hard to ignore but I implore you to do so.
You must know that people who write anything judgemental or unkind are dealing with their own stuff in a very dysfunctional way.
Whatever you need to do to get through each day is your business and if that includes making a baby – how beautiful.
.-= joy´s last blog ..Final Call. =-.
I lost my second child when I was 26 weeks pregnant and I was pregnant again three months later so I understand worrying that people will think you are “replacing” your lost child. Coming from another mother who has lost a child I completely understand that the idea is ridiculous to any of us who have walked that path. Do what is best for you and your family and forget the judging yahoos out there. Maddie will always be your first child, but there is still room in your heart for Binkie.
I can’t believe anyone would be ignorant enough to judge how and when you share intimacy with your husband. You both ROCK!
Congratulations. I have been a long time reader and have never commented because I just never knew what to say. I think you are wonderful, amazing and incredible person. I am amazed every day at your strength and honesty. It breaks my heart that people would say things to purposely hurt or judge you and Mike.
So I just want to say congratulations. That little girl is so lucky to have parents that are as wonderful as you and Mike. I can’t wait to see pictures of your new little girl.
I don’t comment here as often I should, but I just wanted to say that your family is so brave and amazing, from Maddie and to her parents (and I’m sure Rigby is a brave pup as well). Thinking good thoughts for you and Binky throughout my days.
Megan J in Ohio says:
I followed a post by Matt Logelin here when your beautiful daughter passed away. I have never commented, but I just wanted to say something I am sure dozens have already said.
The fact that you and your husband were able to turn to each other, and comfort one another during your darkest hour means that you have an incredible bond, and an amazing marriage. I know it may seem like a strange time to say you are blessed, but you are. Congratulations on your beautiful example of marriage, as well as the wonderful new addition to your family. Blessings to you all. Megan
Rumour Miller says:
The only people that matter are you. You do what you need to do to go on living, loving and hoping. I cannot imagine your pain but I know your joy. I think of your family often and there is no way that Maddie could be replaced. Anyone who doesn’t see that is blind in more ways then we will ever know.
.-= Rumour Miller´s last blog ..October is =-.
Beautiful. Well said. I think it is totally natural to want to be close with your partner during such a devestating time. You clung to one another and now you have a beautiful miracle growing inside of you. Maddie can and never will be replaced. Anyone who is a mother, gets that. Don’t allow the negative people, with horrible words distract you from Maddies legacy. Her life has touched so many and your being open and honest has changed so many of us. You are all such a blessing.
.-= Emily´s last blog ..Labor Day Weekend – Day 2 =-.
I have been following your story for many weeks now but have never commented. Somehow I could never come up with the words to express how deeply I (and hundreds of thousands of others) grieve for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I think you are amazing. And strong. And so courageous. Congratulations on your second daughter. She is so very lucky to have you.
I want to shre something with you that a wise woman shared with me when we lost our son. You see, at my son’s funeral my husband turned to me and said “I want another baby” I was flabbergasted! How could we ever replace Alex? No way!
I spoke with another bereaved mother about it, she was a few years out from her loss and she said the smartest thing I’ve ever heard:
“you will never replace the child you lost, and you wouldn’t want to try. But you CAN replace the hopes you had, the dreams you dreamt, the future you envisioned, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that”
We conceived our Nathan a month after we buried his brother and although it’s been scary, Nathan HAS replaced those hopes, those dreams we thought we’d lost forever. He’s replaced the smile on our faces, he’s filled just a sliver of that hole in our hearts. And there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.
Oh my gosh, your reply gave me chills. You’re so right!! What a wonderfully TRUE way of looking at it. I’m so sorry for your loss, but yet so happy that you have your Nathan now, who has given you back your hopes and dreams.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Kool-Aid Play Doh =-.
My sister lost a full term sweet baby girl she named Cassidy the day before she was due. I couldn’t breath for months, and she was only my niece–I can’t imagine if she would have been my daughter. When my sister got pregnant a few months later with the beautiful Gaby Girl, healing finally started. And yes, I think Gaby saved my life,–not too many people would understand…I needed both these girls in my life for different reasons and when I get to heaven, Cassie will be in my arms when she is not in my sister’s. It did take my breath away one day, when my daughter, in her growing into womanhood at an early age, loved on Gaby one day, then turned to me and asked, “If Cassie would have lived, would we have Gaby?” I can’t even think about the answer to that…
Thank you for sharing the due date. I am seriously LIVID that anyone criticized you two…I had no idea. Please know that there are SO many people out there sending your warm thoughts on a daily (if not hourly) basis!!
What an amazing due date !!!! I think it’s wonderful that you and Mike reached out to eachother in those darkest moment. Can’t wait to meet her!!
I wish that your blog just had a “like” option. This is a great post.
I am shocked that anyone could ever leave you a mean comment or send you a hurtful email. I’m so sorry. That is just terrible and some people are complete morons. Your first daughter will always be your first daughter, and you will always love her. And you have all the right in the world to want to expand your family and bring a baby into this world again, and to love her and to talk to her about her big sister and show her her beautiful pictures. GOD BLESS YOU GUYS, always. I wish you strength and everything good.
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..Communication breakdown =-.
All my prayers for a healthy pregnancy. Your first daughter is so loved, and it’s clear your second daughter will be equally loved by you and your family. No one has the right to judge you – you and your husband know how to make good decisions for your very own family. I’m due February 7th with my second child (a boy this time), exactly a week before you, and I know that my by-then 2 and 1/2 year old daughter will celebrate. I’m sure Maddie will be celebrating too, when her sister is born. Every time I cross off another week, I’ll cross one off for you too!
I’m sorry there are haters. I will never understand that. Thank you for sharing your news with us. I’ll be counting down to your 28 weeks, 6 days mark and hoping that when you’re past that, you will breathe just a tiny bit easier.
You are wonderful people. I hope your lives continue to much joy and know that none of us will ever forget Binkys big sister!
Its awful that you feel you have to explain and defend yourself on your own website. People are awful. Congratulations on every day you’ve made it so far and congratulations on every day after this one.
We know you aren’t trying to replace anyone or anything, there is no reason to believe that.
This child is love in its purist. Again, we love you and congratulations!!
I too am appalled and saddened that anyone would make hurtful comments to you. That’s the worst thing I’ve heard in a long time… it’s disgusting.
Take care of yourself – your light and warmth shines through your words and touches many. All the best to you and your family – keeping loving thoughts for your little one.
Although I have not come even close to being in your shoes, I have had some experiences in which I used that same phrase, “Until you’ve been there, you don’t know…” You are so very right, Heather. Nobody knows how your loss has felt, and nobody should be judging your decision about expanding your family. I’m so sorry that ignorance has shown its ugly face while you are dealing with the loss of your precious Maddie, but I commend you for being so brave in the face of it.
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..Fun Friday Question! =-.
Dee Dee says:
OK, majority rules Whoever said hateful things should be tarred and feathered. There are mean sick people in this world and I wish they would go away! To think someone would actually take the time to write a hateful commend is beyond my comprehension! Congrats on your Valentine’s baby! My momma was due on Valentine’s day and was born the 7th instead, so maybe Binky will share a birthday with my momma! Hugs to you and Mike and take care,,,,
I have been reading your blog for a month or two now and love it. Your openness, honesty and love is genuine and is a privileged pleasure to read. Your pain is a constant reminder to cherish and appreciate what we do have in our lives. We almost lost our third son last year (he was a 31 weeker) after a battle with pneumonia shortly after coming home. Somehow reading your blog is a comfort to me. It wasn’t until I read your last update that I even conceived the notion someone would be so cruel and judgmental to write anything short of accolades. It truly blows my mind. So, I just wanted to say thank you for continuing to share your joys and heartaches with the faceless masses. To me, it means so much.
Best of luck with your pregnancy and well wishes for a wonderful future.
Vanessa (from Vancouver, Canada), blessed to be pregnant with our fourth child…17 weeks 5 days.
I just wanted to tell you that I accidently stumble upon your blog in January and a day has not gone by where I have not thought about you. Maddie will always be a part of your life and will always have a special place in your heart just as Binky will. I admire you for the difficult decision that you and Mike have made, and can not wait to see the post that Binky is here.
Jane Urio says:
I’m sorry you feel you have to defend your timeline. Those people are just ridiculous. The child was conceived in love and just shows you loved having a child and wanted to continue with that. My main thought when you point out the timeline is only, “Wow, that’s a strong couple that is back making sweet loving after suffering a tragedy.” It’s just a testament to the strength of your relationship. People who think otherwise should just buzz off. I will pray your pregnancy goes smoothly and the little one will cook as long as possible. Enjoy your pregnancy – what a gift!
you’re amazing heather. i found your blog months and months ago, just clicking around on the internet bored one day, and have read it almost every day since.
you, your family, maddie, have all imprinted on my heart. i may not know why i stumbled upon your little corner of the blog world, but i am glad to have found it and feel privileged to read your words.
please know that i, along with everyone else who has commented here, support you unequivocally.
God Bless all four of you!
I have only started reading your blog since Maddie’s passing. I therefore don’t remember what yor family was like before this terrible tragedy. I was very happy to hear that you were expecting again, and have been logging on daily to see if Binky’s gender tests have come through, and to see that the pregnancy is progressing smoothly. My hopes and prayers are with you and Mike that the next few months pass smoothly. It’s difficult, but try to ignore the hateful, judgemental people out there. They are only 0.01% of the population in comparison to those who admire and support your family.
I keep writing, and erasing. So many other have written out everything that I want to say.
Following your story, with love, admiration, and compassion.
what beautiful thoughts about your family and your second child.
i smiled to myself thinking of her due date. my great grandmother, Austa Valentine was born on Valentine’s Day and I named my first born, her 2nd great-great grandchild (and the only one she ever saw and knew for five years until her passing at age 93), Holly Austa in her honor and yes, Holly Austa was born right before Christmas.
i pray everyday for you guys and this precious one growing inside of you.
.-= laura´s last blog ..and speaking of reading… =-.
Congrats Mike & Heather!! I’m so happy to hear that you are expecting again. I had a feeling we were due around the same time from the looks of your ultrasounds…I’m due on Feb. 26th, but will definitely go early as well as I have a LOT of health issues (I see a perinatologist every week and my OB every other week) I will also deliver c-section if I can get an epidural (have spinal cord injury)..otherwise will have to be delivered under general surgery. Anyway, I just wanted to write as I was excited that our pregnancies are around the same time. I just know she will be as cute as Maddie…I’m so glad it’s another girl for both of you!
OH, I forgot to add that we also call my daughter Maddie…but her real name is Madison….so she will be a big sister too, just like your Maddie.
Long time reader and never commenter. My heart goes out to you and what I always tell my friends when they do something the world ‘thinks’ is wrong “Whatever you have to do to get you through the day is what you should do”.
Mean people suck, there’s no two ways around it. I applaud you for being so open and giving of your feelings and memories of your daughter to, let’s face it, virtual strangers, for the most part.
Maddie is definitely looking out for her little sister, and I have a good feeling that everything will continue to be just fine with Binky, and I wish you all the happiness as you get ready for your new arrival!
.-= Lisa_in_WI´s last blog ..10 Percent Society =-.
I follow your “partner in suck”s blog, too, and I am constantly shocked at how cruel some people can be. I can’t for the life of me understand how someone can say painful, disparaging things to grieving parents. Anyone with a brain or a heart knows you cannot replace your child. Binky is a blessing and a gift to help you breath again.
We love you.
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..For Alex =-.
Well first off, I kind of feel silly leaving a comment today because there are like A MILLION comments so there’s no way u will ever be able to read all of these! But alas, here I am! So I want to tell you that the assholes that say mean things? Fuck them! People may have the right to their opinions, but to say hurtful things to such wonderful people is just sickening! Now, I am so happy u r sharing this info with us! I look forward to any details u share of this hopefully full term pregnancy!!!! And your sweet Maddie? She could NEVER be replaced, and I truly believe SHE sent this precious baby to you!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..Here I am, thanks to Legolas! =-.
I pray that God’s blessings are with your family. I think it’s wonderful that the two of you have one another and you have chose to have Binky. Please don’t let the things that some stupid people have to say upset you.
It makes me very sad to hear that anyone would have anything negative to say about you, your family, or the wonderful blessing that is growing in your belly.
I hope that Binky stays in the oven until she is good and ready to come out, and that you are feeling better
I am so sorry that after the most horrible loss imaginable you had to deal with horrible nasty people who would put their horrible nasty thoughts in writing and send them to you. I think it is to be admired that you and your husband have enough love for each other to even make a baby. This sort of loss often rips couples apart, so it speaks volumes about your relationship. I read your blog everyday and I pray for you and your baby often. I wish you the very best.
And congratulations to you both on the baby on the way. She will never replace Maddie but she will will be a new being that you are blessed with and will love dearly…
What a wonderful post.
I often think of my cousins, who sadly lost their little girl, my cousin, when she was the same age as Maddie. I try not to make comparisons when I read about your beautiful daughter and your intimate grief, because they are each so different and so personal.
But this post reminded me so much of them. It was never the “right” time for them to have another baby after they lost Leanna. First it was “too soon” and they were worried what others would think, very similar to what you wrote. Now so much time has passed and they are much older. Their situation was slightly different because another baby may have had the same genetic disorder as Leanna, so that fear also held them back. But, reading this I truly believe you made the right decision.
Your words “in the first few weeks after Maddie died, I didn’t know how I could ever live. I died on April 7th, but on June 3rd, the day I discovered I was pregnant, I knew I had to live again. She gave me something to live for. This baby, my daughter, has saved my life.” are so touching. I know your new daughter is NOT replacing Maddie, but giving you something to live for. I know my cousins often, years later, lack this. I think the only thing that gets my cousins out of bed is knowing they will see their daughter again someday, just as you will see your Maddie.
There are already 422 comments here so I am sure that what I am about to say has probably already been said (at least I hope so or it makes me sound a little nuts). I would love to get my hands on whoever said anything cruel about/to you and Mike. That said, you are wonderful parents and just wonderful people and your kids are so lucky to have you as parents. All of your kids. I don’t know if it’s possible to ignore the idiots, but I do know that they are WRONG. And you know it, too. So screw ’em. They are beneath you. All the best to you and your family, always.
People who say ugly things are simply ugly in their hearts. They are to be pitied.
All of us here on your blog LOVE you guys! And fully support you!
And we are all SOOOO very excited about Binky!! And we are all sending mental vibes to her to stay put and stay safe until late January or early February! With all of us sending those mental, positive vibes….well, I just believe everything is going to be okay. You’ve got the best of the best for prenatal care. Everything is going to be okay.
Sending love, so much love to you, Heather. You are one special mama.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Kool-Aid Play Doh =-.
Marti from Michigan says:
Wow, all these comments, I’m sure I can’t add anything that anyone else has said.
I will say that I’m thankful I came to this blog, that I’ve been thinking of you guys and praying my head off for you.
I don’t know what you went through when Maddie died, because my baby, 36 years ago, died only hours after his 26/28 week gestation birth because that was the way it was back then (1973). My marriage did not survive that, and I went on a few years later as a single person to have a full term daughter.
A few years later my sister’s 3 month old baby boy died a crib death while at the babysitter’s. That was a difficult walk.
I have friends who have lost babies, but none of them were the age Maddie was, they were all only a few weeks or months old when they died, not 17 months. And I have lost loved ones, but they were adults and not babies.
I have no idea what you two went through and are still going through. I do know that it has been a blessing to hear about your grief journey, and I am very sorry that people write nasty things to you and you get hate mail. There are unfortunately, bad seeds down here on earth mixed in with the good.
I do know that I will continue to pray for the Spohr family and I do this often. I will continue to visit this blog and comment now and then. I know Maddie was one lucky little girl to have parents like you, and Binky will be as well. I know that you loved Maddie and you will love Binky.
I thank God Binky was given to you, no matter when she started showing her presence. And I know that God and Maddie had something to do with Binky’s existence.
Jenelle Hogue says:
you tell them heather you tell them!!!!! you are so amazing. i love and adore you so much. I feel honored that I knew or know you!!!!
love Jenelle Flittner
Heather – I came upon your blog shortly after Maddie’s passing. I don’t think I’ve ever commented but read your blog almost daily. It sounds like you already follow this way of thinking, but whenever I am griping to my husband about how I know someone is judging me on certain situations but they have it all wrong, he always tells me … Justina, it doesn’t matter what they think, let them think what they want; YOU know the truth. And it is so true. People can judge, judge, judge until a cow jumps over the moon, but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter what they think. No one knows your life better than you, and for people to judge you and send you hate mail when they see probably only 1 percent of your entire life (if that), is so, so wrong, and I am very sorry you have had to deal with such things. I am not the wonderful writer you are, so hopefully this is making some sense and coming out right. I think of you daily and am so happy for you, Mike, and Baby Binky on the way!
Blessings to all of you….and Binky will always be your Valentine Baby, no matter which day she officially makes her appearance! =) Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers…
i’ve been reading your blog for a while, and just could never come up with anything nearing the ‘right’ words to respond to what you’ve been going through (i have a feeling this reply will be no exception!)
i’m due my 2nd child on february 10th…because of maddie, i find myself watching my (year-old) son on occasion and wondering “what if…” your fate was visited on me, and – more significantly – how you and mike have managed and continue to manage to cope. you are stronger people than i could ever hope to be, and anyone who would choose to knock your decisions or question your pregnancy in any way had better be aware that they’re messing with 2 seriously unbreakable, unbeatable people!!!
wishing you at least 17 loooooong, nausea-free weeks of this pregnancy,
I don’t understand why people have to be nasty. I’ve spent some time trying to do the math to figure out how far along you are or when you are due, but the thought has never even crossed my mind to try to figure out when Binky was conceived. People are just plain obnoxious sometimes!
I think of you guys so often. You are so strong.
I’m crying for you. AGAIN. Hot, happy, sad, salty victorious tears.
Tears in awe of remarkable strength and honesty. Never fear the Truth, sweetheart Heather. It sets you free. All you ever write here is the Truth ….. painful and searing. Why do you think everybody keeps coming to check on you?
Those haters, don’t bide them too much energy. I wonder how they sleep at night, in their crooked houses with their crooked stones.
Madeline is irreplaceable. Binky saved your life. Some people can be such utter areholes … and yet some can be so full of love and warmth.
.-= eden´s last blog ..Love and Pain and Truth =-.
Even if they had experienced a loss they will never understand the way you grieve. Grief is so specific to the person it can never be fully understood by another person. For some, the loss of a child would halt all their plans for a family because it would be too hard to continue, for others expanding their family is the best thing they can do for their grieving heart. Nobody can judge how another person grieves, it is impossible to know what someone else is feeling.
As for the majority of us, we will count down the beautiful days with you until Binky’s birth, we will grieve Maddie’s loss with you and we will be by your side with you as you watch your 2nd beautiful daughter grow. You give us strength to move forward in our own endeavors.
I knew as soon as saw the word “judge” what you meant. I can’t believe there are people out there who think they can put themselves in a bereaved mother’s shoes when they have never even been close.
I know Maddie will never be replaced.
I know that trying again does not equal trying to replace a child and the pain that a loss causes.
I also know how hard it is to be pregnant so soon after a loss and dealing with being torn over trying not to move so fast from the grief yet trying to appreciate and cherish the new baby. It’s been for me, like a tug of war on my heart strings.
It’s tough, and that’s putting it mildly. But being with Binky is where you are supposed to be, and I pray everything continues to go well.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..This Road Will Never Be Easy =-.
My oldest daughter, the light of my life, was born 10 months after her brother died. Almost to the day. Granted, she was three weeks early but still. I knew that I still wanted to be a mommy even though, in an academic sense, I would always be a mommy. We were neither preventing nor trying.
And I just knew the second that the line turned pink, that my baby would be okay. I knew that what happened last time was unlikely to happen again. I knew that this baby, who would become my light, would have the benfit of experienced and “broken in” parents along with being the only child (at home).
Of course Binky is wanted and is loved. She is different that Maddie and always will be. Losing a child is so unimaginable…especially a very young child…that people sometimes lose their heads when talking to those of us who have experienced that loss. I find that a pointed “What do you mean?” question usually shuts them up. If I dignify a response at all.
Love and peace to you.
.-= JennK´s last blog ..Being a girl. =-.
Anyone who thinks ANY child is replaceable has never had a child. Maddie will always be irreplaceable. So will Binky. It’s like saying- which body part is fine to lose since you have so many… which chamber of your heart will you give up since you have 4? Crazy comments are made by people in pain who try to off-load some of that pain onto others. I pray that Binky will lessen your grief. I know nothing will lessen your love.
I must add my two cents in as well. I was horrified to read in this post that other people had the gall to even think such awful things, let alone say them to you. People who don’t know the whole story, or even you, making horrible judgements like that. I too think Binky is a gift and will be loved for whom she is, not for the older sister she never got to meet. I am so happy for you guys.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..I’m running down the road like loose electricity =-.
Ok…so I couldn’t read through 400+ posts so I am pretty sure I’ll repeat what someone else has already said
If people are going to judge you for this. SCREW THEM. They need to get a life and get over themselves. They have NO IDEA what you are going through and therefore have no room to judge you!
Congrats to you on being 20 weeks 5 days pregnant. You deserve to feel free to share the joy you are getting from this pregnancy. You deserve to feel happiness, even if it comes in small doses. They will get bigger. I can’t wait to see pictures of Binky. I’m sure she will be just beautiful like her big sister.
.-= Jodi´s last blog ..Wow =-.
OHHHH you’re half way there…ohhh ohh livin on a prayer!
I hope the above brought a smile because yay for being half way there.
I think Valentines Day is very fitting…most people think St Valentine is the saint of love, but his name actually is derived from valens which means worthy. I couldn’t imagine a more worthy set of parents to have another beautiful baby.
I know others find it hard to believe people can be so cruel, but I once experienced someone telling me “get over it already” a year after my dad died (I was only 16 at the time!). Grief and missing someone has no time limits. So there will be mean cruel people, but just make sure to ignore them because obviously there are thousands of people who most don’t even know you that love you.
Oh wow, I’m due just one day before you. I think of you often b/c I knew you were about the same place in your pregnancy as I am.
Here’s to both of us having a smooth second half!!
Oh, and anyone who judges you for the choices you’ve made in your life isn’t worth your time. You do what is right for YOU! Best wishes!
I am thrilled to hear she’s due on Valentine’s Day. That’s what I call divine intervention!;) I knew in my heart when you announced your pregnancy that this new baby would have a purple birthstone, it just seems appropriate! A loved one can never be replaced, to those of us with half a brain/heart, that goes without saying! Anyone questioning it/you will just have to find a new “hobby” because I don’t think you should waste your time addressing such nonsense anymore! You have much more important things to do! Those of us that “know” and love you and your family will always be here, lifting you up, supporting you, crying with you, staring at those beautiful Maddie eyes and hanging on your every word! Congrats and HUGS from Kansas!!!!
WOW! I completely forgot that February’s birthstone is the amethyst! PURPLE goodness! This sent shivers down my spine. Maddie SOOOO had a hand in sending little Binky to you, all signs included!
Lolla Moon says:
HOW can someone possibly dare to say nasty things to you after all you’re going through. these people do not deserve to be called humans.
i wish all the best for you three, always. you deserve to be happy again.
Heather, I’ve never commented before, but wanted to let you know that for every judgmental commenter who decides to project their own insecurities and sadness onto you, there are dozens of us who are thrilled for you. How anyone could feel otherwise is beyond me. And anyone who thinks that this daughter could replace Maddie doesn’t understand the first thing about love. Thinking of you, Mike, Binky, and (as always) Madeline.
Sue @ Laundry for Six says:
If there was anything that Maddie could have done for you and Mike in those dark, dark days after her death, I know it would be to send you her sister. I have to believe she had a hand in that. (In fact, maybe the two of them already had a conversation about their crazy parents!)
As parents who very nearly didn’t even HAVE Maddie, it is SO, SO, SO evident how much you TREASURED her. Every single day, you saw the amazing. I have four kids and my last was not expected to make it after birth. She did and the change in me as a mother is huge. Of course, I “treasured” my other children, but I had NO IDEA how precious and fragile life is and how every single moment is AMAZING.
As parents who have now not just been through precarious pregnancies, but have also lost the light of their lives, I can only imagine the DEPTH to which Binky will be treasured. Her every second will be amazing. That is one of Maddie’s gifts to her.
I cannot WAIT to see her! (((HUGS))) to both of you. (And what a brave post.)
.-= Sue @ Laundry for Six´s last blog ..thrifty treasures =-.
I went back to your Binky Announcement to find any mean comments so I could leave those idiots hate mail.
Maddie deserved and deserves a sister, and anyone that confuses this with the idea that she is being or could be replaced needs a punch in the face.
I personally can wait patiently until she is good and ready to make her grand entrance to the world, but no longer! We’re looking forward to meeting your Valentine!
.-= Laurie´s last blog ..Go Gophers!! =-.
People sent you hate mail? Send ’em over to me, I’ll show them hate. >_< I can't believe how insensitive some people are, how callous and uncaring… but they don't matter. What matters is you guys.
I know I don't comment a lot, but know that I read this blog almost every day. I am with you guys in spirit all the time, all the way from an entirely different continent.
Maddy was a miracle. And she remains so, in all the good her name is doing for babies like her. And her little sister, Binky is also a miracle, for the healing she can bring to your lives. She is one more person who can carry on Maddy's memory. She is special and already so loved, and not only by you guys.
You have half the world on your side. Forget the rest.
.-= Kirsten´s last blog ..Here we go again… =-.
Focus on all of the positive vibe’s we are sending your way! Pay no attention, and give no energy to people who do not understand your intentions! You and Mike deserve the right to be able to love your unborn child for who SHE is, and not have people question your motives! Binky is one lucky little girl to be loved so much… already! Our hearts are big enough to love many children!
All of the best! Stay strong, and keep on keeping on!
Heidi Lee says:
Thank you for sharing. It is not their business. You have touched so many people by your candid willingness to share. I wish you could be buffered from people who could be so hateful, but in life, well, those people do exist. They are not the majority. They are not.
I am praying for you and your family, and I am so thankful that this new little girl has given you a reason to live.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I’m excited for the both of you. I continue to read your posts and continue to tear up when you talk about Maddie. I am already looking forward to hearing funny and heart-warming stories about Binky. I’m sure there will many many to come. And a Valentine’s due date to boot. Her due date is the international day of love. Perfect.
This gave me goosebumps.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – scents =-.
Heather, thank you, as always, for opening your heart and your life to so many “in real life” & Internet friends.
No one has a right to question your decisions. No one can put themselves in your shoes, or know what is best for you & Mike & your family. That people have questioned you makes me angry and sad.
You were already trying to expand your family when Maddie died. And the fact that you kept to that plan speaks most of all, I think, to your amazing ability to remember and seek the high points, all the pleasure parenthood gives you, despite your knowledge of everything that could go wrong. You could so easily have put your plans on hold, but you didn’t.
Choosing hope over fear is an amazing lesson for all of us. And a beautiful way to honor – not replace, never replace – Maddie.
Perhaps one onf my favourite posts. The sad reality is that despite your life “stopping” it doesn’t stop. Yet again you show how brave you guys both are. I’m not sure how you do it, but I can honestly say I support you 100%. Congrats on a Valentineish baby…I think it is rather fitting actually, even if she isn’t actually born on that day. Yet another wonderful gift from Maddie.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Rants In Her Pants =-.
I am a follower of your blog but first time commenter. Your post made me want to tell you just how much I admire you. I am not a mother yet, but can’t wait until I am lucky enough to have a child (hopefully many). You are incredible and the love you and Mike have for each other is amazing and wonderful. Thank you for being so honest – I truly feel you are an inspiration as a woman, wife, mother, daughter and friend.
I am shocked that anyone would say anything bad about you guys getting pregnant again! I don’t know if I have ever been so thrilled to hear about a pregnancy! I know that Binky will never ever replace Maddy, and that Maddy will be a very important part of your family your entire life. Thats just how it should be, but I think Binky will bring healing and hope and laughter to your family again and that is all I could wish for you! The fact that she is due on Valentines Day is awesome!! What could be better??? I know she won’t come that day, but just knowing she is due that day is really cool. All of you are in my thoughts each and everyday. I am glad that this pregnancy seems to be going well and I hope and pray that continues. We will all breathe a sigh of relief when you reach 29 weeks and Binky is still safe and sound, and healthy! And when 38 weeks comes around or whenever she ends up coming, it will be a beautiful day.
Your decision to continue your family is a celebration of Maddie’s life.
There is no bad time to have a baby. Binky will be loved for who she is. Everyone with half a brain knows it would be impossible to replace sweet Maddie. Unfortunately, some people dont have even half a brain. Make sure you let me know what day you are having her as soon as you know. I want to make sure I am working so I can come see you guys! (in postpartum, not NICU!!) Love to you all! Nurse Nancy
Wow, I must be dense or something because I fail to understand what the big deal is about getting pregnant right away after the loss of a child. You would think that people would WANT that for you. Were they expecting you guys to crawl under a rock somewhere to prove to the world that you were mourning? I’m so sorry you had to endure ignorant or hateful comments; that’s just outrageous. I wish I were as lucky as you to be able to get pregnant so quickly.
Denise Jones says:
I second your sentiments, mangopuppy! HOORAY for Baby Binky, and the details just.do.not.matter. Little Miss Binky is a God-send!
Lauren H. says:
God, again, it sounds so weird to say stuff like this to a stranger, but: I’m proud of you.
.-= Lauren H.´s last blog ..Assume we’re ALWAYS grading on a curve =-.
I was also due on Valentines day, and unfortunately for me that pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks. I am really happy to say that I’m expecting again and have seen a healthy ultrasound.
I have NO judgements towards you and when you got pregnant after maddies death–I actually think thats silly that anyone would ever feel the need to tell you this??
Either way–I am praying for your healthy baby girl…
Denise Jones says:
Beautifully said, as always, Heather. Either written or spoken, cruel, ugly words always hurt. What a pity there are such ugly people in the world who try to take away the joy of this unborn, God-given baby. She’s already much-loved and we know much-wanted, so that’s all that matters. Rest assured we’ll be right here with you, loving her and we’ll always love precious Maddie.
Heather—Ive never written a comment before, Ive always been afraid of saying the wrong thing, or not knowing what to say. But, I want you to know that I think of you and Mike, sweet Maddie, and Binky every single day. Your family is always in my prayers. I read your blog every day as well, I love getting updates:) Im glad you made this entry–you shouldnt have to hide your feelings, joys, excitements. Who cares what anyone thinks (if its negative)?! I for one am so excited for you guys, and cannot wait to hear of Binky’s arrival!!!!
Heather, you consistently write with such honesty that it touches my heart in a way I won’t soon forget. I am so pleased that your pregnancy with Binky is doing well. I admit, when I read about Maddie’s due date, it sent chills down my spine. She was due 5 days after my son. I hold your (entire) family in my thoughts and prayers on a daily basis.
.-= Ashleigh´s last blog ..Goodnight daddy. =-.
Suzie-a stranger from IA says:
Never for once second would I judge you or Mike!! Quite to the contrary…you two are so painfully and brutally honest that I keep coming back to follow your journey! Maddie can never be replaced and shame on people for even thinking that is the case. Maddie and Binkie were conceived out of love and who gives a sh** on the timing…we are not living your life and I know that some days you wish you weren’t either. Thank goodness that this pregnancy “saved” your life!! Take care!! Big Hugs from IA!!
Laurie Sue says:
You are a beautifully strong woman, Heather. I cry when I come to your site – your words are beautiful and touching. God bless you and Mike.
Valentine’s always kind of annoyed me in that “made-up Hallmark-holiday” kind of way – until it became the day that, first, my husband and I first got together, and then, the day we became engaged. Now, I think it is a fantastic day (still not a fan of the whole romantic dinner our phenomenon, though, perhaps because of the difficulty of reservations, etc) – and it being Binky’s due date makes it even more fantastic! She’s going to be an amazing little girl, just like her big sis – after all, she’s got some amazing parents, now, doesn’t she?
I can only add to all the others that you and your family are loved and prayed for:)I know I will someday meet you and yours in Heaven:)
Keep moving forward. You two are so smart and amazing. Nothing but love can touch you.
.-= Deidre´s last blog ..End The Funeral With A Wedding =-.
I have only been following your blog for a short time, but I must say that I am so happy for you and Mike! Whoever passes judgement on you guys is an idiot!
I wish you all the luck one can possess and pray that you have a wonderfully healthy, beautiful baby girl!!!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Stereotyping =-.
God, who coud judge you? You are going to have maddys sister. Valentines day, means love. Doesn’t matter the real date, just the meaning of the day . Your babe is due this day, not matter the date, it is LOVE>
I find it hard to believe anyone would judge you and the timing of this pregnancy.
I am so glad Binky has helped you both find a reason to go on. I so look forward to seeing her!
Oh Heather. Ignore those horrible people.
You have a lot of people that love and support you two every step of the way. No one can understand the pain you’ve gone through and Binky is miracle. We will never stop loving Maddie. And I know we will receive Binky with open, loving arms.
Can’t wait to meet her!
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Oh Chuck… =-.
We cannot wait to meet Binky. Please cut/block/ignore whatever it takes anyone who has anything negative to say. Congratulations on being more than halfway there!
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy says:
Heather and Mike-
I wish I could say I’m shocked and surprised by your having to deal with trolls but unfortunately, I’m not.
There’s something about being on the other side of the monitor that gives people brass cajones and takes away their tact, empathy and their ability to remember the Golden Rule.
Like others here have said, the uglyness is a reflection solely of the people who have the gall to bring it here.
I’m so sorry you both have to deal with that. Thank you both for your continued grace. I don’t come out of hiding often but please know I’m always here and always sending you love.
.-= Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..Swirling =-.
I’m so, so SAD that you had to deal with the meanness of the internet – it’s literally making me cry. But I am SO happy for you, and extra excited because you are just two weeks ahead of me, and it’s made it extra fun to follow your pregnancy and I can’t WAIT to “meet” this sweet baby girl – she is so wanted and loved by so many of us!!!
I am stunned beyond belief that people feel they have the right to criticize you about when your new baby was conceived!! Anyone who took the time to read your blog could plainly see that Maddie’s loss has dragged you to an unimaginable place of despair and if this pregnancy can help lift even a tiny part of that pain away then it is a good thing. You had such a beautiful daughter and you obviously had so much fun with her, your story breaks my heart and I wish you all the best with Binky.
Allison Speicher Pereur says:
Stay strong. I think of you all the time.
mean people suck.
I am SO happy for you.
I don’t know how *anyone* could find anything bad to say about any of this – or why they would even try. So excited for you and your little valentine (who we know will be born before Valentine’s Day :)). Maddie can never never never be replaced, but that doesn’t mean you can’t love her little sister just like you would if Maddie were here with you to love her too.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..Story Of The Second Time I Almost Died: Part IV =-.
Jennifer L says:
I’m going to repeat three things I’ve posted at different times before:
1) CONGRATULATIONS all over again on your pregnancy. Binky will be so lucky to have you two as parents and Maddie as a big sister.
2) THANK YOU all over again for sharing pieces of your life online. You have nothing to prove, no reason to tell anyone anything and yet you tell so much, and tell it so well. You are a very gifted writer.
3) NOT A DAY goes by when I don’t think of your family. Your experience has made me a better mother; I’m sure of it. THANK YOU for this gift.
Much love to you, Mike, Maddie and Binky, today and every day.
Jenn in Atlanta
Heather, you are an amazing person. Your courage and wisdom are so evident in your writing and way beyond your years.
I am very keen to meet Binky and was thrilled when you announced you were expecting another gorgeous daughter. Valentine’s Day is en entirely appropriate due date for one that will be so loved and, in turn, will bring such love.
Melanie B says:
congratulations! Praying for a healthy, beautiful, child. A remembrance that with sorrow is joy. Maddie was an individual soul, she cannot be replaced, and you continue to show that to the people like myself, that haven’t experienced your loss.
Such an amazing blessing!
.-= Melanie B´s last blog ..ABC Kids Expo Swag Bag =-.
I can’t believe that anyone would be so presumptuous as to assume that they know why you are having another child and then to judge you for that.
Thank you for sharing in spite of them.
While the blogosphere can be an incredibly supportive and happy place, it too can be plagued by the negatively of the so called ‘real world’ except people seem to feel free reign to be even more cruel in type then they would be to your face.
I can’t apologize for the horrible things others say, I can only wonder at the effort put into the ‘judging’. Why spend so much time spreading hate? when there is already so much?
I”m so happy for you and your new baby, and every mother knows that no child is the same, no child is a replacement. They are each their own person almost from the minute we learn of their presence
Maddie sent you a love baby (februrary 14th!) because she loves you. so sweet.
Erin @ One Particular Kitchen says:
I’m so happy for you that you have another miracle coming into your lives, and I am aghast and speechless that anyone ever judged you for any timing of anything. Or anything else for that matter. God bless you all.
Wow, I can not even imagine how anyone could say anything mean about this. Ridiculous.
Congratulations to you guys and best of luck.
Jodie Brooks says:
I can’t even imagine why people are so cruel and rude. What is it any of their business when and why you do whatever. I was so happy to hear you were going to have a second baby. Maddie would have wanted you to continue on and share the story of her life with her future siblings and the rest of the world. I can never begin to imagine what you’re going through, so I would never judge. 20 weeks and 5 days is AWESOME!!! Keep on keepin’ on Lady!!! You are ALWAYS in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to pray for this new baby.
Two Makes Four says:
How ANYONE could judge you is beyond me. I don’t know you, but I’m happy for you and your husband to continue with your dreams of expanding your family. Congratulations!
.-= Two Makes Four´s last blog ..I’m Not a Fan of McDonald’s, but this is Kinda McCool =-.
I am in awe that people would judge you in any way. I just don’t understand the concept of mean people. I believe that this baby saved you. I am very glad that you have another precious littleone on the way. We are going to all be blessed by her just as we have been by Maddie.
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..Can you add? What is 2 + 1? =-.
What an appropriate due date, a bundle of love is coming to you. I’m sending you and your family positive thoughts and wishes.
And, I’m sure in the midst of all of this support (and the comments here) you’ll continue to get some shitty ones (and screw those people! Like you said, no one can possibly understand what you’re going through). They’re not even worth a response if you do…though if you’d like each person to get a personalized message of why they should get a heart for the good of themselves and everyone else in this world I’m sure you have an army of writers here!
Michelle Pixie says:
A love baby! I wish you only the best and am so excited to meet your newest member of your family but I’ll be patient in knowing that she IS going to stay nestled in your belly until February!
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..Autumn =-.
Who has any right to say ANYTHING to either of you about this, other than congratulations? And what kind of wretched, hateful, karma-screwed person would even think to say anything but that?
Congratulations! We’re all looking forward to meeting your Valentine girl.
.-= J´s last blog ..Think growing thoughts =-.
I am so happy you shared this with us. I have been so curious to know when you are due. I have 3 friends who are due by New Years and although i dont know you personally i am just as excited for your pregnancy as i am theirs!
I have a friend who lost their little girl just shy of her first birthday a few years back. She soon after got pregnant. Their little boy saved them. Gave them hope. Filled them with love. They needed it. He was sent to them for a reason. Just like your little Valentine was sent to you. I know its probably very hard to look past the nasty comments. I bet those nasty comments come from people who have never been in your shoes. Just look past it. Try your best ok? There is so much LOVE for you and Mike in real life and on the internet. Some people are very rude and judgmental and their is no excuse for them. All you can do is ignore it and think about all the LOVE that is out there for your family
.-= jen´s last blog ..theres always tomorrow. =-.
Mean people suck. I hardly ever coment because I feel your pain and dont want to add. But i cannot imagine people e-mailing something so cruel after you have been through the worst thing a person could possibly go through.
I was thrilled to hear that you were pregnant. Maddie’s little sister will be just as special, but not a replacement.
PS – my sister also lost weight during her pregnancy. She has very healthy 8 year old twins.
And she DID fit into her 1980’s jeans after they were born. Much to my and her husbands chagrin she WORE those stretchy aeful looking things lol.
She grew out of them quite fast though thank God.
Even though Binky will not be born on her due date on Valentine’s day I think it’s the perfect date and it says so much. A day of love. And we all know that you loved Maddie VERY much and that you love Binky JUST as much.
Oh, man. I can’t believe you got hate mail. What the hell is wrong with people? You two are so very brave, and even though Binky won’t be born on her due date, I love that it’s Valentine’s Day. Congrats again you guys!
PS: Would love to hear whether you feel conflicted about having another girl, or if it makes it easier. I imagine it’s a little bit of both
I have to say i am in awe of what kind of strength you have! It is something that i aspire that have that kind of strength in my life. Congrats again on your baby girl. She will be well loved and you shouldn’t worry about the people who don’t understand your life.
I am disgusted that anyone would judge you for this personal decision.
.-= Holli´s last blog ..MY FAVORITES MEME =-.
There is a couple in my town who lost all three of their children (ages 5, 4, and 2 years old) on the same day in a horrific car crash. In the weeks and months following, they explained that they felt like they were parents without children. They soon got pregnant, and almost one year to the day that they lost their first three, they gave birth to triplets. These new babies could never replace the children they lost, because people are not replaceable. Personalities are not replaceable. But, these new little ones do bring their parents new joy in their lives, new dreams, and a new purpose. And those who criticize any parents’ decision to add on to their family after losing a child probably have no children, have no clue, and seriously have no heart
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Kool-Aid Play Doh =-.
I am so sorry that some people are so rude.
Maddie would want you to be happy. She was a LOVELY baby, and were she grown and mature before she passed, she would have told you that, I’m sure of it.
I wouldn’t want my parents to stop living if something were to happen to me. And being a firm believer that families are forever, I wouldn’t want to be an only child.
Binky isn’t going to replace Maddie. She’s going to be her own person.
The important thing is that you and Mike aren’t falling apart (well, I mean from each other), and that you’re focusing on the future. That is a good thing. And the people who think otherwise can just bugger off.
J from Ireland says:
I am so happy that you are having another child, this of course doesn’t mean you are replacing your beautiful Maddie and anyone who thinks that are mental. This is something to rejoice and I’m sure this new little girl will have the best guardian angel ever!!
.-= J from Ireland´s last blog ..Yummy Mammy needs help. =-.
Not that you will ever read this comment, there are too many on this board. But judge? How could anyone judge you and your husband seeking the other person who you are bonded to for life in God’s eyes something terrible. You are suppose to seek comfort from one anothers arms. Sometimes physical touch is healing. Your daughter (both of them) was conceived in love. Some people can’t even say that. You have a beautiful valentine on the way. (Maybe that should be her name.
Kathy Klinge says:
Thank you for having the courage to share your life with all of us. I had to delurk for this one. FIrst things first, mean people suck. Second things, how blessed both of your daughters are to have you and Mike for parents. What courage and love it took for you both to agree to try to conceive after losing Maddie. I cannot think of a more fitting tribute to your oldest daughter than to gift yourselves and her with her little sister. Love and blessings to you all.
.-= Kathy Klinge´s last blog ..Stick a fork in me, I’m done =-.
Liz B. says:
The only thing that should ever be said when someone tells you that they’re expecting a child is “Congratulations!” It’s never simple, and there can be complications, some greater and more terrible than others, but a new life should always be met with joy. If you’ve found your joy, then anyone else who disagrees can take a hike.
Best wishes for your family,
WOOHOO! Told you you were having a girl from the rate of the heartbeat (I could of been wrong but I’ll never admit to that *grin*)
What a great day for her to be due on, the day of love You are due 6 weeks (roughly) before me .. I ended up with an April’s Fool day due baby lol …
I hope that you’re feeling better (nausea wise)
I want to stand up and tell the world about your strenght! You are amazing and I applaude you and Mike for being close, being able to allow your selves to LOVE, in deep deep ways.
Congrats to you both it is a blessing and yes God is great … he gave the baby 2 to save your lives.
Love your blog, love reading your updates and love that you are both doing well … hope that the nausea is doing better and this week is a great week!
.-= MBKimmy´s last blog ..Look for a CHANGE =-.
Mrs. Wilson says:
I can’t wait to hear stories of your new little daughter. I know that NOTHING and NOBODY will replace sweet Madeline, but I know this baby will (and already has) bring you so much joy.
.-= Mrs. Wilson´s last blog ..backack =-.
Fuck anyone that says that to you. Sorry, but no one should judge until they have walked in your shoes.
Heather, Mike, Binky, and the entire Spohr family ……. We are all so happy for you.
Heather I usually cry when I read your blog and today is no different. I cannot imagine your pain and I cannot believe your strength.
We will never forget Maddie and I can’t wait to see Binky!!!!!
Oh yes, I almost forgot, HATE MAIL! Who would send you guys hate mail? Please post their names’ and addresses’ so we can all beat their A**!!!!!
As always, your in our prayers
I’m so sorry anyone would judge you for your choices, the baby is such a blessing! My opinion is nothing, but I am thrilled for Maddie’s little’s sisters arrival!
I lost a daughter too, earlier than you lost Maddie. And I don’t think that anyone could believe that you could try to replace your daughter. There is room inside your heart to love them both. This child you are carrying is a gift and you deserve to be happy. There are so many people who log on here to read about your life and wish you a safe, healthy pregnancy. Pay no attention to the judgemental people- they don’t understand.
First of all, I’m keeping my fingers that all is going well for you guys.
Secondly, people will always judge. I’m on the receiving end constantly. I’m 19 and a step mum to 3 boys, so I’m getting used to looks and comments from strangers.
Thirdly, ANYONE who is anything but utterly supportive to you can just bugger off. Seriously. Yes, you blog etc, but your private life is still your private life. No one, but no one has the right to comment and judge. Sorry, but this is really pissing me off!
On a personal note. At the end of August, my partner and I went for our 12 week u/s only to be told that the baby had no heartbeat. You know what, connecting on a deep, personal level was a way for us to be together, to support each other, to express how much we love each other.
Stupid people may judge, but its the strong ones like you, that are survivors.
Sending you love and warmest wishes.
.-= Vic´s last blog ..friends =-.
I think you guys are awesome. Do not listen to mean people with negative comments – there are way more people out there that think you’re wonderful and wish you the very best.
mom, again says:
*sigh* so hard to beleive that people would criticize your and Mike’s light in the darkness. Some people are just mean, ignore them.
Keeping my fingers crossed that you make it well past 28 weeks and 6 days. I cannot even understand why anyone would leave you a mean comment or hate mail that just doesn’t even make any sense to me. You are in my thoughts.
I amazes me that there are people who will try to hurt you even more! It is truely unfathomable.
I was so happy for you when I heard that you were expecting again and I am so glad that your pregnancy is progressing so well.
My children are still small and I love cuddling them in my arms. I imagine that that is one of the things that a parent misses most when their child dies. While the hole in your heart that Maddie’s passing has left can never be repaired, I pray that Binky will at least fill you empty arms. God bless.
I cannot fathom anyone writing hate mail to you or your husband. This is one of the most refreshingly honest and uplifting blogs I have ever read. I have always loved my children, but you Heather, have reminded me how incredibly lucky and blessed I am to have them. Thank you for that, Maddie is forever in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs from Minnesota.
I’m holding my breath right along with you. Can’t wait to see Binky in February. Take care of yourself.
.-= Cat´s last blog ..365 =-.
I don’t know how I found your blog…but I did. My comment is in a sea of many. I have also experienced loss and although I had not thought of the waiting game I played when I had each child, somewhere in the back of my mind, though I never spoke out loud, I waited for week 16 each time.
I had fear that when baby 2 was on the way that I might not have enough love to go around or that it wouldn’t match that of baby 1.
Surprise! The very first time baby 2 was loaded into the car, I laughed out loud at my ridiculous thoughts. I couldn’t picture life before him! You will often think about Maddie, but hopefully, it will be less painful and more joyous as time goes on.
My whole point was to say that I am rooting for you and your husband.
Thank you for sharing.
As many have said – people do suck. But you and your husband need to continue to do what is right for YOUR family. The mean people can just go away. You are a strong and beautiful family.
breadwinner wife says:
I cannot comprehend why anyone would feel they have the right or wisdom to judge you guys. I am very happy for you, but understand there is still pain from your loss, and I know one child cannot replace another. Praying for a healthy pregnancy and an abundance of love being showered on you during this time.
Just wanted to add my name to the list of supporters. Lurker on the blog…
You are right, no one can imagine what you are going through, and have been through. But even in my worst dreams, I have to think I would do the same thing. I would go on with my life, and if that included plans for another baby, I would do it. I can only imagine how much healing will take place by having another baby. The hurt will always be there, and it will be strong – but I can understand how that new baby will help you go on.
Cheers to you, and how wonderful it will be to have a little cry forcing you out of bed soon.
I am the exact same way, superstitious! I’m a February baby its a great month!
It saddens me to read you have had hatred comments sent to you! Only you and Mike know what your going through, no one can judge! block all those mean people! You have 1000’s more who truly care about you and your family and support you all the way! Binky is a gift just like Maddie!
Any child, no matter what the circumstances, is a blessing. I’m so sorry that in addition to your indescribable pain, you had to deal with crap from other people about the glimmer of hope that you had! I appreciate the honesty on your blog…it’s why I keep coming back. I wish you absolutely the best, and look forward to the day when you share you are 29 weeks pregnant. Take care of yourself, Mama.
Congratulations, and best of luck (and health) with the rest of the pregnancy. You and your husband are very brave and strong and lucky to have each other.
I’m sickened to hear that anyone would dare judge you for anything.
Hang in there. You have no idea how many strangers are wishing you the best.
I am always shocked when I am reminded that there are people in this world who feel the need to hurt others with their words and judgments! First of all, the personal decisions you make are nobody’s business but your family’s! Second of all, this is something to be celebrated-a much wanted and already loved LIFE! There are babies born every day to families who have never faced the tragedy yours has, who are not wanted or loved (terrible to say, but true). Any time a child is conceived to a loving family that is a wonderful and joyful thing, and NOBODY has any right to try to make you feel badly about it! I’m so sorry there are people who do.
I can’t believe that anyone would send you awful comments or hate mail! I’m not calling you a liar – that would fall under the category of “awful comments” :-). But, there is no question of your love for Maddie and your intentions for having another baby. You both have plenty of love to give. Maddie was, and is still, well loved. Thanks to you, she’s loved by a lot more people. Binky will be too.
Rick @ Tiny Prints says:
Personally, I can’t fathom a mean spirited message regardless of the circumstance, much less after a personal tragedy.
We are firmly planted in your court and here to help in any way we can.
Nice seeing you at Type A Mom
.-= Rick @ Tiny Prints´s last blog ..New from Tiny Prints: Hello Kitty Halloween Cards =-.
So excited to hear about your Valentine baby. Because no matter what day becomes Binky’s ACTUAL birthday, she will always be your Valentine baby—the beloved child who helped your family to put your hearts back into your bodies and continue on with living and loving. Maddie will be loved by so many forever and Binky will never steal that love away. We are all excited to soon meet Binky. Like so many little sisters before her, she has big footsteps to fill and we all are looking forward to her.
Just a fan says:
i simply cannot wrap my mind around the though that anyone would ever judge your actions. this loss is sacred, every day you take from that moment forward is…sacred. as for the date…well, it’s perfect. simply…perfect.
katie i says:
i’ve lurked on your blog some via mattlogelin’s site, and i’m so very sorry for the loss of your maddie. i can’t fathom the pain and i’m glad you have a good support system to carry you thru each day. my son is 17 mos. and i’m now due 2/15- like you i will have a c/section, probably a week before. so i’ll be following your progress since we’re preggo buds. even though my son is here, i can relate to feeling like you are ‘replacing’ or feelings of guilt or whatever you call it having a 2nd. nothing replaces the 1st, you were giving maddie a sibling, and she just happens to not be here. so i’m giving you a big congrats to a healthy, happy (you do deserve to be happy) uneventful rest of your pregnancy. i can relate to nerves a little since my first pregnancy resulted in miscarriage and you always worry, especially with your circumstances. but hopefully since they know the issues, things will all be ok. sending strength and prayers and hugs!
Congrats on 20 weeks and health and happiness for the next 20 or so!!! Hugs! Aimee
Amys blah, blah, blogging says:
I think it’s beautiful that you are continuing to live your lives. That is a lovely tribute to the life of your sweet girl. I pray that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and your little girl is born happy and healthy…sometime around the first of Feb!
Congratulations to you both!
.-= Amys blah, blah, blogging´s last blog ..It takes a 3 year old =-.
Mrs. Flinger says:
Loving always, never judging. Your daughter is as much a joy to us as she is to you. “This baby, my daughter, has saved my life.” She’s amazing already.
Maddie is loved and cherished always, too. There is room enough for them both. XOXO
.-= Mrs. Flinger´s last blog ..Nobody tells you when you grow up, you’ll want to be just like your kids =-.
I will never understand why anyone would leave a hateful comment to someone who has lost someone. I never understand why, when I go to those celebrity gossip sites, people insist on mocking a celebrity who has died. What makes a person want to be so hateful and ugly in the face of such tragedy? What type of person does this?
Either way, I think it’s wonderful and beautiful that you and Mike can continue to love and support each other. Sometimes the arms of the man you love is the only thing that can ease your pain. Making love with your husband in the face of tragedy or in it’s aftermath is NOTHING to criticize. Congratulations on your little Valentine! :o)
Debbie in the UK says:
I think it is wonderful that you have hope in your life again, when last April you felt as though it was all hopeless. It’s clear that Binky is already well loved and I hope and pray that she stays in there until the doctors feel it is right to take her out.
I will never understand what motivates people to leave hateful comments. There are some sick people in this world.
Good lord, what is wrong with people? It’s just ridiculous that they would judge you guys. Sometimes the internet really sucks.
I wish you guys all the best! Congratulations.
First time commenter here, but have been reading yours and Mike’s blog for a long time now.
I think its insane that people would judge you for having another baby. What does it matter if you got pregnant a day after Maddie passed, a week, a month, a year, or a decade. It doesn’t change how you feel about your sweet Maddie and it doesn’t change how you love your second little one. Congrat’s to you!
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..What a difference a year makes… =-.
It literally brings tears to my eyes to know that you received negative comments when you announced that you were pregnant with Binky. It’s too bad those nasty people can’t do something more productive with their time.
I am so looking forward to meeting Binky and cuddling with her!
Anyone who would question the love you have for either of your children doesn’t deserve the time of day. There’s not a doubt that you loved Maddie with every ounce of your being, and there’s not a doubt that that love will remain, even once Binky arrives.
don’t let anyone judge you. i’d give anything to be pregnant again right now. anything!
Heather and Mike,
I am so very happy for the both of you. Do not worry yourself about things that uneducated and judgmental people may say. God knew that you needed this to help you through. I pray for you often.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Waiting is the hardest part…. =-.
I am so sorry to hear that people have been unkind and judgmental. It is very sad for them. I am so thrilled that you continue to share with all of us even though it is difficult at times. To anyone who has been unkind – they obviously haven’t walked in your shoes – it is very easy for others to say what they would do if it was them but no one truly knows until it actually is them. Kuddos to you and Mike for being strong and continuing with your family no matter how hard it is! Take care and may God Bless you all.
Wow. It just sickens me to hear that people could actually send hate mail to someone who has lost a child; especially since it is very clear how much you adored Maddie and how anyone could have read even one blog entry and none that she could not be replaced. Honestly to know there are people out there that would do something like that is just appalling. I am so sorry that on top of everything you have gone through you had to receive hate mail.
I have been following your blog and have been so curious to know how far along you were; just to know when you could start to relax some!
Thank you for sharing. I’m joining in with the thousands (millions?) of others who are waiting with bated breath for Binky to be safely in your arms. I am so excited for your family and can’t wait to meet your second beautiful daughter.
About your valentine – I was born 10 weeks early in 1986. I weighed just two pounds and the doctors gave my mother almost no hope for my survival. I came home from the hospital happy and healthy on Feb. 14th. My mom always said I was the best Valentine’s Day present she could have ever received. I find the fact that Feb. 14th is Binky’s due date (even though she will arrive before that) overwhelmingly appropriate.
Love and blessings to you all.
i can’t believe people would send hateful mail and comments. that makes me sick. i’m so happy you were able to conceive again and things are going well with this pregnancy. of COURSE you’re not replacing maddie. how absurd. i wish you all the best. ((super BIG hugs!))
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Practicing for the New Baby! =-.
Today is the first day I have found you (through FreeAnissa), and I think you’re amazingly strong and courageous. Thanks for sharing your life, and giving me, today, another confirmation that the the Divine really does hold us inside of her love. This gift that will arrive in February is so incredibly lucky to have a mom like you. ::hugs::
.-= Vennie´s last blog ..The Conservative Bible =-.
You don’t have to explain anything. Maddie was wonderful, and Binky is wonderful, and both of them are lucky to have such loving parents.
Rita from the Chicago says:
I’m a little late in commenting, and someone might have already said this (I’m at work and don’t have time to read all the comments) but I wanted to say that the timing of Binky’s conception only shows how strong of a marriage you and Mike have. Making love (whether its baby-making love or not) is another way of communicating and the fact that you and Mike even wanted to communicate in that way after losing Maddie is actually (I think) a really wonderful thing. You are both so strong and the love you have for one another is a beautiful gift.
I knew of a woman in a similar situation: daughter passed as the result of an accident, and their second child was born on their first daughter’s birthday.
I’ll admit, I judged. I was very wrong. Your post showed me that, thank you.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..FYI: Your kid rolling over at 2 months doesn’t make you any less lame. =-.
Shame on those that find it so easy to judge, as we sit behind a computer screen living a life that is not yours or Mikes. Heather I think it’s a blessing you are pregnant and I wish you the healthiest next couple of months, until Binky arrives.
Your words have allowed us a glimpse into the journey you have been through and how dare anyone judge you for your decisions.
.-= Denise´s last blog ..I’m Not A Hoarder, But… =-.
Moms sanity is making a comeback says:
Hello, you dont me but I have been following your blog prior to your daughters passing.
I am simply horrified that there are people out in this world who could be cruel regarding you getting pregnant!
Please know that they are in the minority!
Congratulations on your new addition.. we call cant wait to hear of her safe arrival.
.-= Susanna´s last blog ..Words =-.
Woohoo!! I’m OVER the moon for you! Seriously, this is fabulous. wish you ALL the best I have a fat smile on my face.
Haven’t commented much on your blog before, but I’ve been following your story via other bloggers and Twitter
.-= Jeanette´s last blog ..Roar like a lion =-.
I am so happy for your family. I cannot imagine what it feels like to be judged by a bunch of strangers. You are a strong woman! I don’t blame you for being vague. You deserve to be happy about this pregnancy.
.-= Ana´s last blog ..Baby Stuff and Home Stuff =-.
Brittany at Mommy Words says:
I am so happy for you guys! I think it is such a beautiful gift from God and Maddie to your family! My due date is Jan 30 – just days from the date one of my miscarried babies was due. It is strange but the dates that are in our lives seem to mean something, and to me I think of our little angel baby as giving us a new gift of life. Again – CONGRATULATIONS!
red pen mama says:
I know you have a ton of comments here, but I just wanted to weigh in. No judgements here: I am so happy to hear you are expecting again. I wish you much luck and happiness.
I lost my first baby, a boy, and I was pregnant nine months later. It wasn’t to replace my son, it was because we wanted children. I understand. One has little to do with the other, but sometimes that is how it looks from the outside.
I’ll be checking back here often.
.-= red pen mama´s last blog ..Feeling Fuzzy =-.
Having another child is the greatest compliment you could pay to your Maddie. You have declared that life was so wonderful with Maddie, that it just isn’t worth living without her little sister being a part of your family. Cheers to you, and congratulations!
Heather, I feel like I could have written this entry! That’s almost exactly how I felt!
I worried every single day when I was pregnant with Miranda. She too gave me something to live for, saved me as Annie has saved you. ((HUGS))
.-= Anjie´s last blog ..Devil’s Advocate =-.
It is cool to have a child born on the 14th of February. I f I could choose my own birth date, I would have told my to mom to deliver me on Valentines day. Or maybe, just any date that falls around the love month.
I think its insane that people would judge you for having another baby. What does it matter if you got pregnant a day after Maddie passed, a week, a month, a year, or a decade.thanks for the ideas…
I read this post the day it was published on your blog, with my newborn son in my lap, blissfully unaware of the importance it would hold for me. Now, more than two years later, having recently lost my sweet little boy and deciding to get pregnant with his sibling, I can’t thank you enough for posting this. Going through your old posts trying to find this one, suddenly all those old posts have new meaning. Seeing how wonderful Annie is calms some of my worry. I hesitating posted this comment, not wanting to bring you back to this time, but I am sure it is always with you, so I hope you don’t mind. Thank you, for being brave enough to tell the world your decision and for giving me the courage to tell my friends mine.
your pregnancy is a gift. and you have a courage to share and a courage of being a mother and wife. thanks this lovable inspirational experience you’ve share to us.