Lately I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed. Heavy. I am anxious for so many things, and my heart is split into pieces. My fears and worries are great. I am so tired of being helpless and uncertain. I am so over of the unknown.
My mind is often on my second child and the changes she will bring. I worry that I’m going to be a different mom to her than I want to be. She’s a second child but she’ll get the attention of an only. I want to be the same mom to her that I was to Madeline, but I know that’s impossible. I never want her to feel cheated.
I’m so worried that the fear is going to take over. That I will never be able to let her out of my grasp. That I’ll be too scared to let her stumble and get the scrapes every kid needs. That I’ll never let her interact with other kids because they might have a cold that could get her sick. That a little cough could turn into something more.
I don’t know how I can be a good parent when I’m not sure I won’t constantly be terrified.
I know that I love her, so much. I want the best for her. I want to be the best mommy, the mommy she deserves. So I will try. I just don’t want to fail.
Anne Y says:
You will succeed and you will be the best mommy you can be with Binky as you did with Maddie.
.-= Anne Y´s last blog ..Amateur Night =-.
pamela says:
you will not fail, Heather.
Not with the support of your husband, family, and friends.
Praying for you and your strength
.-= pamela´s last blog ..Since Everyone Is Writing One.. =-.
Cinthia says:
You are destined to be a wonderful mother, just as you were to Maddie.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
Ah, Heather. You don’t have to have lost a child to be familiar with that fear. You are already the best mother Binky could possibly have. You’re not perfect, and won’t be, but you’ll do your best (which is pretty darn good!) and that will be best for her. Love and hugs to you. Go easy on yourself.
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..Babeee =-.
Sue says:
Well said, Kate! Couldn’t have said it better myself.
catherine lucas says:
We all have things we could do better with our children, but in the end it does not matter. Because I know that Binky will be loved as much or even more if that is possible that Madeline. A mothers heart grows with each baby… getting bigger and bigger. So will yours!
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Good Bad Boys… =-.
Krissa says:
Sending you (((hugs))) and wishing you peace in your heart and release from the worry. You’ve been through more than one person should ever go through and it seems to not ever let up for very long. That doesn’t really lend itself to peaceful feelings and I hope that somehow the peace finds its way through. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Oh, Heather – I think it’s perfectly natural that you are feeling this way. I’m keeping you in my thoughts, praying that you find the strength and peace that you seek.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..It’s 84 o’clock. Do you know where Granny is? =-.
Sara Joy says:
I think your fears are only natural and completely legitimate. But big ((hugs)) to you, and here is my vote of confidence that you are and will continue to be an amazing mother. Of course you won’t be the same, you’ll just be a new kind of amazing. You can do this, Heather, your awareness and fears are a part of what is going to make you an even better mother, Binky could not be more loved. I know she will know that.
amanda says:
With all the love you already have for Binky, and with the fact that you are already an amazing mother, there is no way you will fail. If you are overprotective, well, there are certainly worse things a mother can be. But you will never be a failure.
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..weekend.update. =-.
missy says:
Your an awesome mom! Never doubt that.
Sarah says:
I think the fact that you are aware of these things and able to articulate your fears about them demonstrates what we all already know- you are going to be an amazing mother to Binky. I’d like to second what Amanda said- being overprotective is not the worst thin you can be as a mum. Man, Binky is already SO loved- there’s no way she could grow up not thinking you are the best mum in the world.
x
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Shakespeare =-.
Kelly says:
You are such a natural mommy, you couldn’t fail Binky if you tried. The fear is part of many, many pregnancies regardless of fucked up experiences or not. You’re not “abnormal” (although I think you’re so much better than “normal” ;). You are not going to fail Binky. You’re amazing as a person, and even moreso as a mommy.
For every doubt and fear you have about letting your experiences with Maddie colour your experiences with Binky, remember that there are so many others with similar fears but no reason for them. It’s hormonal, not psychological. You’re doing so amazingly well
I feel like I’m not saying this the way I want it to come across… I hope it doesn’t sound like dismissing you as nothing special, I just want to help in any way that I can to ease your mind and make sure that you know how much you truly rock
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Read me a story =-.
Meg...CT says:
You will not fail…I am a different mom to each of my five children…not entirely different…just different to accomodate their different personalities. You live through your experiences…yours may make you more protective,(not necessarily a bad thing), but they are also reminders to you love fiercely …
Jenny says:
You won’t fail. The fact that you worry about your success as a mother to your second child already puts you ahead of the pack…. some people never put their children first and, even in your grief, you continue to do so.
I hope you’re feeling good this week.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Uphill Both Ways =-.
ClassyFabSarah says:
I think that the very definition of a good parent is one who loves abundantly and tries their very best, despite their own shortcomings.
And if that’s the definition, I simply know that you are going to be an amazing parent. Binky will be lucky to have you.
.-= ClassyFabSarah´s last blog ..NewMoonNewMoonNewMoon =-.
Valerie says:
Wishing you peace…
Erica says:
Dear Heather,
You are a wonderful Mum, you and Mike are wonderful parents and you will continue to be wonderful parents to the special Binky Bean. Your love is so great and the love surrounding you and supporting you is so great too.
Thinking of you.
Love Erica
Toni Brockliss says:
You had a terrible tragedy happen to you. It is only natural that you will have extra worry.
You are so strong Heather. You are pregnant. You have already jumped hurdles others would be too frightened to take.
Yes you might be overly cautious but that’s ok. I know I would take an overly cautious mother who suffered through enormous heartache to find happiness, in an instant, rather than someone who didn’t want to risk anything to have me.
You are a lionheart and a wonderful mum. You won’t know how you will parent until your little one is born. Try to rest your mind and focus on how your family look at you. You are loved.
.-= Toni Brockliss´s last blog ..your collection =-.
Al_Pal says:
Of course you won’t be the same, you’ll just be a new kind of amazing. –Sara Joy, upthread
SO true. Agreed also that overprotective isn’t the worst thing a mom can be! My mom was kind of overprotective, but I still developed a healthy sense of adventure and got up to some trouble. ;p
*HUGS* & I just prayed for you to have some release from the fear and anxiety. I hope you get some relaxation time in. Thinking of you all.
Alexandra :) says:
You don’t have to be scared that you’re going to be overprotective of Binky. Every mother does a couple of things wrong when raising their kid. But as long as you make it clear to her that you love her very very much, everything will turn out okay.
Diane says:
You will do the best you can. You will stumble as all mothers do. You will love Binky with all your heart, and you will do right by her.
You will do the best you can.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..My grandmother would kill me if I made that from scratch =-.
jackie says:
Dear Heather,
You are a wonderful Mom, Mike is a great dad. All your fears are perfectly natural.
.-= jackie´s last blog ..Cystic Fibrosis =-.
Karen says:
Heather, you will be fine. After a huge and painful traumatic event, life does move you forward even when you feel like you can’t take a real breath..and eventually it becomes normal again. Some aspects of “normal” are different now, but normal does happen again. It takes time. Your second child will not have the challenges Maddie had, and you will gain confidence in letting her “live”. And you, I am confident..will “live” again too… with joy in your heart.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..HATE when that happens… =-.
Anna Marie Hinnant says:
Those fears are so normal, such a part of pregnancy – but you will be an amazing mom to Binky just like you were to Maddie. No mom is the same mom to each of her kids – you parent according to their personalities, their challenges, their strengths. Binky will have the best Mom for Binky, just as Maddie had the best Mom for Maddie.
Hugs.
Elizabeth says:
You already are a wonderful mom to Binky. I’ll admit that I’m afraid of having a second child because I might not be the same mom to him/her as I am to my daughter. You are not alone in your fears. Wishing you peace. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Karen says:
You are a brilliant mother and that’s not something you choose, it just is. Whether you have 2 or 10 kids you’ll still be amazing you. If it makes you feel any better, I have the same fears you do. It sucks being afraid of the unknown. Best advice I can offer is remember to live in the present moment.
.-= Karen ´s last blog ..Aim Higher Universe =-.
Elizabeth says:
You can you can you can. You have too much capacity to love to fail at being a mother.
Praying for heart strength.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..PawPawism =-.
cj says:
i am certan that you will continue to be an awesome mom. the fact that you recognize the fear is a large part of controlling it. please know that while you might not be the “same” mom as you were for Maddie; YOU are the very best mom for both of your girls.
my thoughts and prayers are with you, as always.
Midwest Mommy says:
I think you are already a great mom! You rock, don’t ever doubt it!
.-= Midwest Mommy´s last blog ..Enable Much? =-.
Shannon Kieta says:
Having all those fears and worries already make you the BEST mommy. If you didn’t worry and care so much, you wouldn’t be a good mommy, right? Hell, I have health kids and I won’t take them anywhere because of this H1N1 crap. We have already lost two people we know to it. One, a 5 month old baby. The other a 31 yr old mother of 2. It’s so rampis where I live and you can’t be too cautious. I may be a little too overprotective, but at least my kids will be alive! Hang in there, sweetie… you will make all the right decisions and let loose a little once Bink gets here. I promise. Love, SHannon
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
When she gets here you will know what to do.
xo
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Weekly Winners-Shots from the Week Edition =-.
Amanda says:
Heather, I know that fear that you are talking about. Always afraid that something is going to happen. I’ve lived with it too. It gets better. Every day that goes by that Binky stays healthy, every cold that she gets and recovers from will help to make that fear less and less until you don’t feel it as much anymore. You are a great mom and Binky is a lucky little baby.
Momma Uncensored says:
i think in many different ways we are all afraid of failing.. you are not alone.
.-= Momma Uncensored´s last blog ..p-p =-.
Deborah says:
You will be exactly the mom that Binky needs.
(((hugs))))
Jenn says:
Ohhh Sweetie,
Of course you have deep rooted fears, how could you not? Yes, I do think there will always be certain circumstances that will continue to make both you and Mkie nervious, e.g. if she has to go into the hospital for any issue. Of course you will be over protective and scared…that is just natural.
The fear of the unknown is one of the worse fears to have and unfortunately, you’ve had plenty of practise with such fears.
It will be okay Mama…. look at how brave you’ve been already? Walking all that way during the tour in Washington, taking trips far from home, far from your doctors and far from an ultra sound machine.
Don’t you see Heather? You already have been confronting and dealing with your fears!!! You already have let go a bit and trusted your instincts!You are stronger than you realize sweetheart. You mark my words on this one….you will be an incredible mommy to Binky just as you were to Maddie,,,,how could you not?
You are your daughter’s mother…and you will continue to be an excellent mommy and when you feel the time is right, you’ll let that baby “fly” just like you did with Maddie. Your a mom Heather…and a great one at that! No worries…it will all be GREAT!!!
Boston Mamas says:
H, you will be great. It’s totally normal to have these fears and anxiety, but just the fact that you are having them — that you are not checked out, as it were — means you will be present and attentive and full of love. Wishing you well down the stretch. -Christine
.-= Boston Mamas´s last blog ..Simplifying the Holidays: The Little Black Dress, Five Ways =-.
Cohiba says:
Being a worry some over protective mom is never FAIL. Its called being a parent. Some are just a little more protective and loving than others. Will that make you bad parent. HELL no.. Will your child have issues.. Ok which of us is not scarred in some way from our parents, they do they best they can since we don’t come with manuals and if we did they would all be in a foreign language anyways. As much as you might like you can not bubble wrap your kid from the world eventually they will discover fire burns on there own. We can only be there to comfort them and help them learn and show them love.
Ms. Moon says:
You won’t fail. When you see this child for the first time, you will understand everything about how to love her. I promise. This is the gift all children bring. More love than you ever knew possible.
.-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..When Tribes Combine =-.
Barbara Howard says:
When I was pregnant for the first time, I called my mother and wept with the same fears you’ve expressed. What if there’s something wrong with this baby? What if I don’t know how to care for him? And a thousand other questions, all linked to my fear that I might not be a good parent…that my growing infant might not find in me the mom that he would need when he arrived. My very wise mother told me this: “you cannot allow yourself to be consumed by worry about things that have not yet happened…and may NEVER happen. You will deliver this child, and when it is here, you will be mother to the child who arrives, and you will do your best to react to the situations as they develop. There is no need to waste your energy on worry over things you cannot predict or control. Save it for what is.” She was so right. I am a good mom. I didn’t come that way, I grew into it, and I made plenty of mistakes along the way. You will do the same, Heather. You already have more than most moms have to offer your Binky. You are wonderful, and loving. That will only grow as you and Mike and Binky grow. I am happy to know you, and completely confident that you are everything a Mom should be–and more.
Jess says:
Every child will stumble and fall and every parent will feel the fear of failure, no matter the past.
Your future is bright, exciting, full of fear and hope but don’t allow yourself to be consumed by fear so it imposes on your life. You’re a parent to a new child, every single parent to a new child has the same fears as you – you’ve just got an extra burdon that shouldn’t have been imposed on you. You’ve been equiped to handle it, even if you don’t feel that way. You’ve obviously got something in your heart that makes you stronger than you’ll ever realize, WE SEE IT IN YOU.
JennK says:
I know what you are going through. My daughter was born just 8 months after my son died. I had a little bit of a different thought though…I just knew that *this* child would be fine. Great. Healthy. And I was right. My daughter had the benefit of seasoned parents AND got to be an “only” child. For a few years anyway!
You will be great. And Binky will be wonderful. And I’d venture to guess that you will come back into the daily mommy routine, scrapes and coughs and all, with flying colors.
Blessings to you.
.-= JennK´s last blog ..Early Christmas. =-.
maya says:
We are only human- we all make mistakes. You will too. It’s normal.
It’s also normal to feel the way you are feeling. You want to keep her in a bubble, but you can’t. She already has a different start than Maddie did. I believe that you will hold her close, but allow her to stumble as well (when she needs to)- i trust you.
.-= maya´s last blog ..Of Ulcers and Cirque Du Soleil (Yeahy- another contest!) =-.
dawn says:
you. did. not. fail. madeline.
love, dawn
Kelly says:
You won’t fail. All the fears are expected but once Binky is here, you will see, life takes over and all those fears fade. You and Mike have each other to policeon another’s fears, and as long as you voice your concerns, you can’t go wrong. It is amazing how different our children can be from one another and still be siblings. You are going to do great, you will see.
Rebecca says:
Heather, I think any good mom of a preemie feels the way you do. It would be strange if you weren’t more protected of her. And I think in time, that feeling will subside. I have a former 26 week old preemie (now 1), who I still constantly do things other parents probably wouldn’t. This winter, I don’t bring her to certain gatherings of even 10 people, we try to avoid going out if not necessary. I still bring her to do the things I feel are important because we don’t want to live in a complete bubble, but it is never far from my mind what can happen and so there are things she doesn’t do that she would if she was full-term. So I understand your fear from a preemie standpoint – I’m sure it’s multiplied tenfold after Maddie, but it will get better. And Binky will never, ever feel cheated – She is lucky to have you as a mommy!
Karen Chatters says:
It’s only natural to have these fears and anxieties. You aren’t going to fail, not even close. Binky is going to have an amazing mom who loves her and cares for her and wants only what’s best for her.
Binky’s going to be fine. And so are you. Just take it one day at a time.
.-= Karen Chatters´s last blog ..Birthday Shananigans =-.
Tina says:
You will not fail. SO many times I have posted what an awesome mom you are, and I completely mean it.
To see all the wonderful things you and Matt did for Maddie, in such a short amount of time is inspiring.
Your little Binky is going to be so loved that she won’t even notice that she has a helmet and knee pads on in all the family pictures
You know what? It’s okay to be a little overprotective, you have every right to be. In time I am sure you will be able to relax a bit more and that will be fine too.
XOXO
charlane says:
You won’t fail her if you give her the best you can. It is only natural to be anxious about having another baby, no matter what situation a parent may be in. You are going to be as great the second time around as you were the first. Binky and Maddie are lucky to have a Mommy who loves them and worries about them as much as you!
.-= charlane´s last blog ..It makes my heart want to cry… =-.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
There is NO WAY you can fail.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..The Twitter can solve the world’s problems when the world’s problems can be fixed with porn and things that are crunchy. =-.
pgoodness says:
It’ll be scary, no doubt. But you will handle it and be awesome. Your fears are magnified now, but once Binky shows up, I’m certain it will be easier. You won’t fail.
.-= pgoodness´s last blog ..My son, the entertainer =-.
cindy w says:
When Catie was about 6 weeks old and I was still in my sleep-deprived post-partum haze, my aunt & cousin came to visit, to help me out while Dave was out of town for a week. We were in the car, driving to Target or something, and I suddenly broke down in tears that I was so afraid that I was going to screw this motherhood thing up, and it was the biggest thing I’d ever attempted in my life, and I felt like just the immensity of it was going to swallow me whole.
My aunt, God bless her, reached up from the backseat, patted me on the shoulder, and said that the fact that I was worried about screwing up meant that I was already a good mom.
Of course the way you parent Binky will be different than how you were with Maddie. There’s no way it could NOT be different after all you’ve been through. But different doesn’t mean better or worse. Just different. You ARE a good mom. You know you are. You just need to give yourself a chance to get your bearings again. xoxo
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..Random Friday thoughts =-.
J in eire says:
So well said. . . You’re absolutely right, things will look so different once heather gets her bearings, she has been through so much, poor pet.
Take one breath/step at a time heather, you already know how to be an amazing mother – the only thing to fear is fear itself. . . I know it’s easily said, but also very true.
Heather you are an amazing woman, you have coped with such grace through the most terrible loss of darling maddie, I just know the joy of binky will take your breath away. . . She is coming for a reason. . .
Jill says:
You’ll have a completely different experience with your second daughter. Odds are excellent that she’ll be born full term and there;ll be no NICU, just a couple of days in the hospital and you’ll both come home together.
She won’t have Maddy’s breathing problems and she won’t need any special kinds of medical care, other than what’s normal for all healthy babies.
She’ll be a different child, although similar in some ways, as siblings tend to be. You won’t be disloyal to Maddy for loving her sister.
Brooke says:
Being overwhelmed is part of every pregnancy at some point, and considering your current state as well as all that you went thru before, I can only imagine how immense the overwhelming feels can be. It won’t take over b/c even when things were so scary with Maddie, you just did it, b/c you had to… And you will find that you’ll figure it out as you go. In a lot of ways you have a lot of knowledge under your belt which will help you… The love you feel for your binky now will intensify as it naturally does when she arrives, however as time goes on you’ll get caught up in being her mommy as only you know how and life will start to even out. I wish you the best! I feel very invested in your blog as your family is an amazing inspiration!
Noelle says:
You can’t fail at something that is innately in you–which in your case is tremendous love and grace. Love is greater than fear.
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..Anticipation: A Preschooler’s Christmas Musings =-.
Tricia (irishsamom) says:
Your fears are completely understandable considering what you have been through. But they are also very common when you are having your second baby. It’s natural to wonder how you will ever love them the same as your first – I mean how could you right? But your heart will only expand and Maddie’s place will remain right where it should be in that heart – she will just move over some to let her little sister be loved as much as she was. And it will get easier once she is here safely, I know the fear must be overwhelming given what happened before. But your baby, your little one will guide you, she’ll let you know what she needs and how she needs it. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you – I know I can’t, but I know one thing. You are an amazing mother. And you will continue to be an amazing mother to your second little girl. Trust in yourself. (Easier said than done, I know).
Love and support and hoping these weeks of uncertainty go quickly for you,
Tricia xoxoxo
.-= Tricia (irishsamom)´s last blog ..Blog Award – Honest Scrap =-.
Mary says:
You will be the mom that Binky needs to have. The fear as a first-time mom is often overwhelming to me; I can only imagine how it is to the nth degree for you since you’ve had to deal with something no one EVER wants to deal with. But you will hold her hand when she needs you to and you will let her fly when she needs to. In the words of Dr. Jack Shepherd, when you’re terrified, let the fear in…for 10 seconds and then start fixing that guy’s spine.
MBKimmy says:
Heather while I don’t understand your fear because I havne’t lost a child I do understand because I have 2. I PROMISE I did this too … but it was different … I was terrified that I wouldn’t love #2 as much and that I wouldn’t be able to show #2 the love that I have for #1. What I guess I am trying to say is that we all have fears – we SHOULD all have them. I promise your motherly instinct will kick in and you will be PERFECT – sure you will make mistakes, but don’t we all.
Chin up friend you will be great – and so will Mike. Hang in there and keep writting I know for me it is easier once I say it out loud!
.-= MBKimmy´s last blog ..Halloween =-.
chatty cricket says:
I know your circumstances are so different from mine- when I had Mister, Lady was here to share in the happiness- but I think a lot of what your feeling is SO common to second pregnancies.
I remember, honestly, thinking right before Mister was born, how terrible it was going to be for him. That so unfortunate for him to come second because there was no way we’d ever have the same bond that Lady and I had. Poor Mister.
But then he was born, and instead of having to share the love I already had in my heart, he brought extra love stores along with him.
They will be very different, Binky and Maddie. And you will love them in completely different ways, only because they will each be their own girl. And you will be an amazing Mom to Binky- trust me on this one.
Courtney says:
I think having a fear for your child is what makes you a good parent, you will learn again how to make it work with Binky! God bless.
suzanne says:
I think you’re already a good mother to her by facing the challenges of this pregnancy and being an advocate for you and her. I think you are setting the perfect example for her by struggling through your grief and loss to find positive ways to honor Maddie. That is an act of maternal love — for maddie and for your daughter, so she can grow up knowing her sister and knowing what grace and unconditional love look like.
All this is so easy for me to say because I just don’t understand what you’ve been through. But I think you should go easy on yourself. You know better than me that life knocks you down and changes you, and you just hope to do your best under the circumstances. We all have quirks — some call them “flaws” but I think, though we may not be totally emontionally healthy (whatever that means) 100% of the time, they are part of what makes us human and unique.
If your children have a loving household with parents who do their best, that’s pretty damn good. And they do, both of them.
Trisha Vargas says:
What is this nonsense word FAIL that you speak of?
No way Heather. You did not fail Maddie and you will not fail Binky.
You have so much love to share and you will shower Binky with all the tender loving care you showed Maddie and you still show Maddie every day.
Everything will be okay. Just take it one day at a time and remember to just keep breathing.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Jenny @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/ says:
I wish I could take away the fear for you. Just know she will be loved and everything else will fall into place.
.-= Jenny @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/´s last blog ..Raise A Can =-.
binkytowne says:
I know you have an awful burden on your shoulders going into this, but I hope it helps to know that all moms start to freak out about not loving #2 enough, as well, the same. Even if Maddie were still here you would likely have a lot of the same feelings and feel conflicted. As long as you love her (and I know you do) it will be fine. I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true.
Leslie says:
You will always be the best mom that little Binky could ever need or want. Every parent has fears, sometimes that consume their every thought, but we work through our fears and ultimately do what is right for our children.
Binky will be born at a better gestational age and have fewer dangers to her and her body and it will help to calm your fears, you just have to get to that point first, and you will.
ruth says:
After my friends son was killed in a car crash( drunk drivers hit her car), back when my kids were small, I was hit by the fact that life can turn on a dime and that nothing and nowhere is safe. It was one of those times when something I had known intellectually forever suddenly hit me with the force of its reality emotionally. Life is scary. One can only try to not worry about things one can’t control and try to live every minute in the present. Such a difficult thing to do. But time worrying is time wasted )or so I tell myself when I find myself worrying obsessively). I wish I could grab onto that feeling again, sometimes. It did help me deal with a few other rough patches and I am sure it kept me from going nuts on 9/11/01 ( I am close to NYC – and one of my kids now lives there). I lost that feeling recently though and am back to worrying too much.
I am so sorry you have to go through all of this bad stuff. It stinks. And it isn’t fair. But then, what is?
Hugs.
.-= ruth´s last blog ..Autumn in NJ =-.
ruth says:
And one more comment. I am the mother of two healthy ( and grown up!) daughters I also went through all that worrying about the second. I was so close to the first. They turned out to be very different people and that made it easier to love them both as the terrific individuals they are. I remember though that constant mantra of ” please let me love this new baby as much as I love the first!”. This is normal stuff.
.-= ruth´s last blog ..Autumn in NJ =-.
Kristen McD says:
I think the fact that you’re even worried about balance and letting her be a kid, instead of focusing solely on “how am I going to keep her safe all the time OMG buy more hand sanitizer NOW” is a sign that you ARE the best mother she could have.
You WILL find that balance because you’re LOOKING for it. You’re worrying for her, not for you. You’re selfless. And that is amazing. That’s exactly what a good mother does. You’re already fantastic.
Aunt Becky says:
I read somewhere (maybe it was the back of a cereal box, I don’t know. I never said I was smart) that our children never have the same parents. And that’s probably true for any of us.
More so for you, but you’ll find your way.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Aunt Becky Finds Her Missing Piece =-.
jen says:
Hang in there. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself; Binky will love you to pieces no matter what, that’s for sure.
.-= jen´s last blog ..weekend update =-.
Keyona says:
Someone once told me that you can have more than one kid but be a differerent mom to them. Each child requires something different from you. You will give this baby exactly what she needs.
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..No Take Backs =-.
Becky says:
The birth of a second born.. the anxiety. I laid in bed sobbing the night before my second born thinking how on this human earth can I possibley be the mother to this one that I was to our first born. The first born took absolutely every ounce of my being and i took pride in being a magnificent mother. The second one arrived and the love that we had was beyond comprehension. The strength that you have as a woman and the ability to admit that you are concerned about this … you have already defeated challenge. I am drawn to your blog daily. Thank You for sharing.
Liz B. says:
One day, in say 25 years or so, Binky is going to look back to this time. She’ll read your blog, or she’ll hear your’s and Mike’s stories, her grandparents’ stories, your friends’ stories, and she’ll remember the awesome mom you were for her. And she’ll marvel at just how impossibly strong you are. She’ll know just how lucky she is to be born to parents with such a phenomenal capacity to love.
Lindsay from Florida says:
Perfect thoughts. I couldn’t possibly say it any more beautifully than this.
Heather, Binky is exceptionally blessed that she will get to call YOU Mommy.
Glenda says:
Heather, relax and breath! You will be the best mother that Binky needs. Just like you were the best mom to Maddie. It’s loving unconditionally!! You can do it!! If being an overprotective mommy is the worse then shot me. Every parent that loves their child will over protect them. But you will know when to let go too! It’s a balancing act that’s for sure! Sending you hugs & peace!! Chin up!! You can do it!!!XXX
Heather@Triple Blessing says:
I am not sure where you are in your faith, but when I was gripped by fear over loss, someone gave me this verse and it was a comfort. “For I have not given you a spirit of Fear, but of Power, and Love and a Sound Mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Praying you have peace in your heart and your home, and joy unspeakable.
Blessings,
Heather
.-= Heather@Triple Blessing´s last blog ..I’m not perfect =-.
Lindsey says:
Please be gentle on yourself. I don’t think there is person out there that doubts that this is one lucky baby. Will you be a different mother? Sure. But not different in a bad way. Just different. Still silly and funny and profoundly aware of the miracle of life.
.-= Lindsey´s last blog ..Interview Mania! =-.
Ann says:
We all stumble and do the wrong things as parents. That’s part of learning. Luckily our babies are as loving and forgivinig of us as we are of them. Please ask God to give you strength. He has not always been first in my life, but he has always helped me to believe in myself, even on my worst day. You may be a different mommy to Binky than you were to Maddie, but you will don’t doubt be just as wonderful. Praying for your strenght.
Kerry says:
Oh Heather. I have felt/feel the same thing everyday. I can’t even imagine how much more “crippling” (for lack of a better word) that fear would be if I was in your shoes. You were a great mommy to Maddie and you’ll be a great mommy to Binky. You’ll find your way with her! They are both lucky little girls!
Laura says:
You can and you will be an amazing mother. You already are- just the fact that you are worrying about your precious second daughter shows that.
Yes, it will be different. And yes, you may “hover” a little more and worry a little more at first. But as your baby girl grows, so will your confidence and courage.
Of course you will worry, of course you will fear the worst happening, because you have already lived it. But you know what else you will do? You will cherish every moment~ every cry, every dirty diaper, every sleepless night. You will know just how blessed you are to experience those things.
You will treasure every single giggle and sloppy kiss from that sweet angel, JUST like you did with your precious Maddie.
Maybe for now you don’t have to be 100% confident- you will get there, in time. For now, let all of your friends and family and your supportive hubby feel confident for you. We all know you will be the best mommy in the whole wide world, and once you look into Miss Binky’s big blue eyes for the first time, you will know it too.
((Hugs))
MJ says:
That’s a really good question. I’ve felt fear try to overtake my whole existence sometimes, and I’ve not even been remotely close to facing the trials you’ve had to face.
I’m by no means a professional, but I think the awareness and fear of being a “bad” mom is what makes us good mothers. I think you’re going to be a wonderful mom to Binky.
Shelley Viestenz says:
Honey, you never for one second failed Maddie, so you certainly won’t fail Binky. I didn’t have any of the horrible experiences you had, and I was terrified I wouldn’t be a good mother to my second. I so clearly remember looking at my adorable little Adam, while I was pregnant with his sister, and thinking that I couldn’t possibly love another child as much as I loved him. I didn’t realize then that many of us have the same feelings, so I never told anyone about mine. I thought I was a freak mother for feeling that way. And when Corey was born? Love at first site! Your fears are completely normal. Naturally they are a hundred fold worse than most of us had because of everything you’ve all gone through. You NEVER failed though. No way, no how.
Keary Naughton says:
Take some deep breathes, one, two , three. Take it one day at a time….I still after 23 years am waiting for the other shoe to drop….That is why you take a deep breath and another….
Michelle W says:
It has always struck me that you and Mike are the kind of people who are just meant to be parents and that any child would be fortunate to have such loving people for their Mommy and Daddy. This will be just as true for Madeline’s sister as it was for Madeline. Your fears are more than understandable and IF you keep Binky in a bit of a bubble no one should judge you for that, so go easy on yourself. Binky is going to have an amazing life, I have complete confidence in all of you.
heidi says:
( ( hug ) )
When our first (second) child was a baby, I used to look at older kids and be so afraid that he would get hurt when he got older because it seemed like they played so rough. In my fear, I was comparing his abilities as a baby with theirs as children. By the time he grew up to be one of the older kids, he could handle it. I have no doubt that you’ll find the ability to be the best mother you can be at the stage you’re in.
Bella says:
Love, faith and community will continue to nurture you & Mike. Your depth of understanding and your path towards resilience will guide you in future life endeavors.
Have you visited glowinthewoods ?
I found these posts inspiring:
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2009/11/13/one-day-at-suppertime.html#comments
Miss Grace says:
Love you honey. Your little girl will have one of the best moms in the world. She already does.
.-= Miss Grace´s last blog ..Let’s talk about Facebook! =-.
Just Jiff says:
You most certainly will not fail. You have a broken heart that can’t ever truly be healed but that means that you will love her even more so. And while you may not let her leave your grasp/sight in the beginning, that’s not a bad thing! You are the best mom she could ever hope and wish to have.
.-= Just Jiff´s last blog ..Sickness All Around. =-.
Jennifer says:
Heather,
You speak to the fear all mothers have. You just have a greater experience moving into the space we try to avoid.
When Binky comes, you’ll love her as much as Maddie; and you’ll love Maddie even more. Then you’ll be the most perfect imperfect mother that you children will ever know (and always knew).
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Riding on Mommy (Edited) =-.
Danny says:
I relate to all those fears. Having lost our son Oliver the day he was born and gone through five painful months in the NICU with his brother Charlie, I thought we’d be crazy overprotective with Charlie when he came home. But that’s not really happening. Sure, there are fears, especially during this damn flu season, but it’s amazing how quickly people adapt. It all seems strangely and wonderfully normal despite that aching hole of loss that will never go away,as you well know. And to repeat what everyone here KNOWS, that baby is so, so, so lucky to have you guys.
.-= Danny´s last blog ..Interview With a Diva =-.
Molly says:
It’s not fair that you have to feel this way. But I think the fact that you are worried shows that your worst fears about yourself probably won’t come to pass. Your instincts will kick in again and eventually you’ll breathe a little easier.
Rest your mind a little, if you can. Got any trashy romances on hand?
kay says:
You’re not going to fail. You cannot have a heart such as yours or produce a daughter such as Madeline and fail at anything. It’s impossible.
If it provides any realistic relief to your anxiety, as a counseling intern, I can tell you that the children I deal with in therapy all had parents who didn’t care about *any* of those things you just mentioned. I’ve never had a child or adolescent in my care because a parent cared too much.
Also, my mom was crazy over-protective, and although it did cause me to have a few more fears/anxiety as an adult, I was also able to help *her* deal with a lot of that as I became older and recognized it.
You don’t have to be perfect… or anywhere near it… to be a parent. You only have to want to do it.
You can do this, and you will. But it’s okay to be as scared as you want in the mean time.
Maddie will be there with her, every step of the way. She will cushion her falls and hold her hand when she learns to walk and show her how to be safe but have fun. She’s going to be an amazing big sister, her spirit will be with Binky all of the time.
Take care
.-= kay´s last blog ..Alive & Well =-.
Marti from Michigan says:
You are so absolutely right Kay!
Karen Sugarpants says:
You will be wonderful. I hope that one day, perhaps very soon after she arrives, you will breathe a little easier. You have so much on your plate right now – I hope you are getting some Heather-time every day. xoxo
.-= Karen Sugarpants´s last blog ..And The Winner of the Yummie Tummie Is…. =-.
sarah says:
Knowing that you will be terrified means that you will be okay. You will hold that terror inside and force yourself to give Binky the magical, beautiful babyhood that Maddie had and the gorgeous childhood you would have given her.
You know where you are, and you know what you want to give to Binky…and so you will.
I believe in you.
Kirsten says:
I’m not a mom, but I am a teacher. I interact with a lot of parents in my job. Some moms are good moms, some worry too much, some don’t care enough, and some joke rather sickeningly about drugging their children so they can go partying (I have my eye on those ones…).
I know a lot of moms. So I can say with some confidence that you are going to be an awesome mom to little Binky. No one can know for sure what the future will hold. You can’t decide now, weeks before she’s born, exactly how you’re going to parent her. She will be her own unique person, and the way you parent her will form around that, not the other way round. But however you take care of her, you’re going to be an awesome mom, because you were, no, you ARE an awesome mom to Maddie.
Just remember some things: Binky is healthy. She will be born healthy. Healthy kids get colds, get scraped, get all sorts of things from tonsilitis to chickenpox (the two epidemics going through my school right now). No matter how hard you try, Binky will catch all of these bugs at some point. But she will get over them just fine. She will. Kids get sick. But they get better.
I know it’s hard to believe that and keep it in your mind, after all you’ve been through. But that’s the truth of it.
Let her be a kid. Just like you let Maddie be a kid, even with all her problems. You are a great mom. You always will be. You’ll always do the right thing.
Because I know a lot of parents, and I can see it in you.
Erin says:
Although my situation is not the same when I was pregnant with my 2nd baby I worried that I would not love it as much as I do my 1st born because my 1st ment so much to me, but then I had my 2nd and it just happened without even knowing it I loved her just as much I think every time you have a baby your heart doubles in size The new baby Binky will not take away any of your love you have (and will always have for Maddie) it waill grow more love and you will find that you never knew you could have so much love in you!! YOU WILL BE A GREAT MOM TO BINKY!!
Jenny from Madison says:
Heather,
You will be a wonderful, funny, fabulous mom to Binky. My son (who is now 6 yo) was 5 weeks premature & has/had some health problems to deal with along the way. My daughter was born on time- no issues (except throwing things out of grocery carts & yelling OWWWW really loud in public places). :O) I was very cautious with my son & still am. My daughter I am more laid back with. You will be wondeful to Binky- watching over her, but letting her be a kid.
Try not to worry even though it’s difficult. You have made a lot of us out here better moms because of your caring heart. Thank you for that.
Hope your friend recovers from her stroke. I’ll keep her & you in my thoughts.
Lots of love!!
Kelly says:
Even under the most ideal of circumstances parents have to find the courage to love and let go. You have faced unimaginable loss, so I understand that your fear of the unknown must be overwhelming and paralyzing. You have such painful, intimate knowledge of how fast things can change and how much we have to lose. I wish you and Mike didn’t have that understanding, but as you do, I believe you will also be extraordinarily present for Binky.
I have complete faith that you and Mike and your family and friends will be united in making sure Binky gets what she needs – love, freedom, adventure, connection to her big sister. Just as you will all have each other as you share life with her. You are all surrounded by love. And as we learned from Maddie you are wonderful parents. All will be well and if sometimes it is not, love will be with you Heather.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..We Shall Love One and Other =-.
amy says:
You will not fail, you have too much love in your heart!
Amy in OHio says:
Oh you’ll stumble – there is no way around it Heather.
But the thought of you *ever* failing your kids is incomprehensible. Your heart and soul are not equipped for such.
xxoo
Melissa says:
Every second time mom is kept awake with worries at night about their second child. And most don’t have the loss of a child to add to them. It’s completely understandable that you feel this way…and normal!
Even though I don’t know you, I’ve followed your blog and have always been amazed what an incredible mother you are (yes, you STILL are a great mother to her). You adore your daughters and you will be just as incredible to Binky.
Yes, you will probably worry about her more than most parents, in a different way. My Grandmother lost her first child when she was two and my father has told us many stories about his mom being very anxious about everything he did. But he turned out just fine.
Although it’s much easier said than done, try not to let this worry eat away at you. Worrying about what might happen doesn’t help in any way at all. Someone once told me that worry is like interest paid on a zero balance credit card. And please remember that Maddie’s passing wasn’t something that you could prevent. You, being the wonderful mother that you are, cared for her and did everything that you should. I have no doubt you’ll do the same for your second daughter!
Marti from Michigan says:
Oh Heather (and Mike), you will be the very best mommy (and daddy)! You both are so kind, so sweet, so tender-hearted. You’ve both been through so much pain, but as soon as you lay eyes on your freshly born baby, your hearts will go into action. You will be the absolute best mommy and daddy in your part of this world! I just know it.
So many hugs and love sent your way from over here in Michigan!!
Kelly says:
You may have doubts today, possibly even tomorrow, but the day you hold that tiny little bundle of Binky in your arms, all your doubt will fade away. You can never love a child less because you have a hole in your heart, your heart just grows to accommodate the hole and the love for the new baby.
Remember back to when it was just you. Then remember the day you got married… “the happiest day of your life”.. you thought life could hold no more.. then came Maddie.. you thought “my heart can fit no more it is complete”.. but just like each time.. you grow.. and with Binky will grow as well..
Hugs & Prayers are with you Heather!
Kelly
eliza says:
The answer to your question is in your post. You will never fail as a mother. You aren’t capable of it. You’ll make mistakes just like all the rest of us, and you’ll have different fears. But you’ll never fail. If you need a reminder, go back and read this post that you wrote. You’re an incredible mommy. Were and are and will be.
Andrea says:
Heather, just wanted you to know that all mommies feel this way do some degree or another. I suffered five miscarriages, before having our son Jadon (now 2 1/2). Though he was born full-term and healthy (as was his 9 month old sister), I think all of the time about everything there is to protect them from. Being a parent is the hardest job and we don’t take the job description lightly do we?
Thank you for sharing your journey in this very hard life. May the Father of the Universe, the Creator of All Things, cradle you, Mike and Binky in the palm of HIs Almighty hand, until the day you see Him and your sweet baby girl again.
You’re a good mama Love and prayers to you!
Katie C. says:
You will be a wonderful mother – just as you were, and ARE, to Maddie. I know this is scary, and that you are terrified – and you will do things differently than if this was your first child – but you are still the same loving mother.
Laura says:
We all have these fears, these doubts about our ability to be a good parent. This is so NORMAL what you’re feeling! I was just feeling this way last night, as a matter of fact … I hope it is a bit of comfort to you to know that though your life as a parent has been so far from normal in so many ways, in this aspect you are in the same boat as the rest of us! And yes, you will be an AMAZING mother!
.-= Laura´s last blog ..We are on Holiday! =-.
Issa says:
Oh honey, I wish I could give you a giant squishy hug right now. And this milkshake that I am drinking.
You won’t fail. No matter how over protective you are, no matter how much you freak out in the first few years of her life…it will be okay. She will be okay. Because you love her. You love her enough to try and that is all that matters.
We all feel like we fail at this parenting gig from time to time, no matter what the circumstances. It’s okay for you to be scared. You’ve dealt with more than any parents should ever have too. But you are a great mom and Mike is a great dad and Binky will be loved every day and that is what matters.
She’ll help you become the mom she needs, just as Maddie did. All babies are different. I am a firm believer in the fact, that we become what they need in a mom, over time. Hugs my friend.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Can you be a pessimist with optimistic moments? =-.
mythoughtsonthat says:
It’ll all work out.
Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..I Spend My Day With Children =-.
Legally Fabulous says:
You will not fail. You will be great with Binky, just like you were with Maddie.
I went to Mass this afternoon and said a prayer for Maddie, a prayer for Binky, and a prayer for you. I pray that you find peace and wisdom. I know you will be a great mom.
Amanda says:
You will be exactly the mom she was meant to have, and she the *this* baby that you and Mike were meant to have.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..There but for the grace of God go I =-.
Rebecca says:
Many of your fears are the same of any parent. It’s normal to be afraid of being different. But we will be different because every single child has different needs and will respond to different types of love. The only thing that matters is that you will love Binky just as much as Maddie. I can tell it already in your writing.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Merry Christmas =-.
Kim Jones says:
You will be a great mother to her, you already are!
Julia says:
You are an amazing mum, full of love, laughter and compassion. Things with Binky will be different, but I am sure she will never feel cheated. Soon she will be here, and you will feel better…lots of love
.-= Julia´s last blog ..Daily Grace =-.
Erin says:
you will be and are an amazing mom. I know its natural to feel these things….and im sure it will be tough. No one can ever ask any differently of you, but to do what makes you feel more comfortable. Just dont ever think that the urge to keep your child safe would EVER in a million years make you anything but a GREAT mom!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Thinking Back =-.
pixielation says:
Heather, you’ll be a great parent to her. You won’t fail. You might be a different mother because of what you’ve been through, but it won’t be a bad one.
Lora says:
All any of us can do is try our very best when it comes to our kids. And we all feel like it is never enough, but it will just have to do. BIG hugs to you and to your Binky, she will ALWAYS know how much she is loved by her parents.
.-= Lora´s last blog ..Because, you know, I had nothing better to do. =-.
Jen L. says:
I would never dream of suggesting that I even remotely understand what you’ve been feeling since you lost Maddie, but I feel some of these things, too, about my son. I know he’ll be my only child (I’m not able to have more, or else I’d try for a house full). There’s always a little voice in the back of my head going “Dont let anything happen to him.” It’s getting easier as he gets older to just let him be who he is, let him fall down, let him out of my sight, even (rarely) leave him overnight, but the urge to stay no more than 4 inches away from him at all times is great. He’s my baby.
You will be a wonderful mom to Binky. She is coming into so much love. Better too much than not enough, I say! Just like the rest of us, you and Mike will take it one day at a time. You’re so strong, the two of you, and I have no doubt you’ll pass that strength on to Binky.
Hugs from the deep south.
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..Mine All Mine =-.
Debby says:
There is no doubt that you will be a wonderful, loving, caring mother. What saddens me is that I follow so many women who have lost children.
Miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS and then of course illness. When they become pregnant again, not only do they have to live with the loss of their precious child but that they will forever live in fear. That is not fair, none of it is fair and I am so sorry that you are a member of this group. I pray for your comfort.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..Tweak, tweak =-.
Janet says:
You already are an AWESOME mom honey!!
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Learned or rather copied =-.
Janet says:
Just wanted to add that no matter what you will have this fear and that it’s good to acknowledge it and to blog about it for that matter, seems to (for me anyway) lesson the strength of it……..
My last pg. was a 10month terrifying ride that i couldn’t wait to have over with a living breathing baby in my arms…….loss changes EVERYTHING!!
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Learned or rather copied =-.
Alexis says:
I remember when I held my daughter in the hospital the night she was born. It felt different from when I had held my son, but I knew I loved her — it just wasn’t the same experience (how could it have been, right?) as holding my first child for the first time. For a second I was scared by it, but then I realized she and I woud have our own relationship, and I would be a mother to her the way she needed, which is quite different from the mother I need to be to her brother.
Like everyone’s said, the fact that you’re worried about it means that you’ll be great.
Hang in there, Heather. And keep reaching out. You have no idea how powerful that is, and what a role model you’ve become for so many of us.
Deidre says:
Look you need to relax. You were an outstanding mother to your dear Maddie and don’t spend time living in fear. Live in the moment. Keep a gratitude list going. Don’t worry. Allow yourself to enjoy a new experience. There is no comparing this experience to Maddie’s. Maddie’s experience was challenging but perfect in so many ways. Let this experience be different. You are a wise person. Allow your wisdom to take over. Do not orchestrate, you know that from Maddie. Be and let be, breath easy and expect good, it will come your way.
.-= Deidre´s last blog ..End The Funeral With A Wedding =-.
Rumour Miller says:
We all have those fears…. constant worry for our children and their well being.
I think it would speak volumes if you didn’t worry. You will be okay and you will be a great mother to Binky.
.-= Rumour Miller´s last blog ..If Patience =-.
Dawn says:
I know the fear is there…but so is the love. No child has ever suffered from being loved TOO much.
Kimberly says:
Heather, fear can be so overwhelming but I remember my dear grandma saying, “Go ahead and worry…it probably won’t happen.” And she was right. We spend precious time worrying about the future when all we really have is right now. We really don’t have control over so many things and we need to practice letting go of that desire for control. Letting go and trusting is freeing. Yoga has helped me learn to let go; the practice teaches us to live in and appreciate every moment we have because that is all we really do have. I believe you will be a wonderful mother because of what I read and sense of you and your family. I will say extra prayers for you tonight.
Kat says:
As a mom who has been there I would love to tell you that once she’s born this all goes away and you are so smitten you forget all about your fears. I can honestly tell you it will get worse before it gets better. When my baby after loss was born, merely 9 months and 12 days after his brother died I sobbed and begged him to be ok. He was. But I wasn’t convinced. When he was 3 days old he got a little chilly and his feet turned bluish. I held him so tight I thought he’d break and told God he could NOT have him back so loud I think the neighbors heard me. I didn’t sleep his entire first year. The fear was overwhelming.
Please get help with this. In whatever way you feel appropriate. Because I do not wish you the struggle I had.
Kat
Megan says:
See, and even though I know your situation, that all seems very normal – and the fact that you are feeling this makes you a GREAT mommy. Even though Maddie isn’t in your physical life anymore, you are still a mom and still a great mom!!
Girl, you got this. Binky is sooo lucky that you are her mommy!
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Crafty New Year! =-.
merlotmom says:
You are an incredible mom. Your fears are normal and expected but I think much of them are fueled by anticipation. Once Binky is here you will ALL settle into your positions and you will do great. I know your situation is not the same, but many second time moms fear that they will not have enough love in their hearts for the second child. They can’t imagine loving anyone but their first, and then the second comes along, and miraculously, there is enough for everyone. I think something just as magical will happen for you. xoxo.
.-= merlotmom´s last blog ..The Spider And You (Or This Is Your Brain On Drugs: A Cautionary Tale) =-.
chandan says:
You are one great mom, Thank you
Jenelle Hogue says:
Heather
You are a good mom and will continue to be a good mom! Believe in yourself! hugs and kisses
Jenelle
Chrissie says:
You will be the best Mommy for her, You will be the Mommy she deserves. You won’t fail. Im sure of it.
(((HUGS)))
becky says:
You WILL want to protect her from everything but then you know that the protection is not what she needs to grow into herself. I lost 2 babies before I had my wonderful girl and was prone to overprotection (haha! I wanted to never let her out the door!) but knew like you will that it isn’t fair to her. You can do it because moms know what works. Love to you
mommymae says:
we all parent each of our children differently and separately. it helps to foster their individuality in each of them. i’m sure your mom would even say she parented you and your brother differently at the same time. you will be the best parent for binky. i’m sure of it.
.-= mommymae´s last blog ..new music monday-thankful edition =-.
Kelly says:
She is going to be perfect, and you are the perfect mommy for her. This I know.
Praying for you: Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not let Heather be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present her requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard her hearts and her mind in Christ Jesus.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..600 cups of butter and other tales from Branson =-.
Catherine says:
The Buddhists say the most effective way in dealing with emotions is to “name the demon”. By naming your fear, you acknowledge it without judgment, just recognition and friendly curiosity about how it comes up in your life and mind. This way it won’t control you.
Love will control you. And Maddie will help.
.-= Catherine´s last blog ..The Goose is Cooked =-.
Danielle says:
I, as you, don’t know how you will be, but I bet that once you hold her for the first time, you will be exactly the mommy you are supposed to be for Binky.
Lisa says:
You won’t fail. You will be an amazing mom to Binky just as you are an amazing mom to Maddie.
Love and hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Birth Control =-.
Christine says:
Just let go, everything will fall in place with this baby, she will be a 2nd daughter and a little sister, the only difference, while Maddie may not be here physically, Binky will always feel the tremendous amount of love from both you, Mike, and Maddie.
Anne says:
Believe it from someone who has been there and so recently that it blows my mind… you’ll trip out big time, for a long time, but you *won’t* fail and you *will* eventually get to a point where you aren’t paranoid about everything little health thing that happens with Binky. Trust and hope, Heather. You will do just fine eventhough you might second guess every move you make… I promise.
hawkfeather says:
Hi there- I don’t post often on your blog but I read it now and then-
I read something on your husband’s blog a while back- a sentiment his peer’s have shared as comforting sage advice-
“that you love all your children the same…”
I am over simplifying- but I do believe that is the general idea-
I wanted to post to him than- but second guessed my thoughts-
seeing your post- i guess the same thoughts come to my mind again-
I have five kids- and while I have never and I hope i never do experience the loss you have- I know I was afraid when i had my second child and this was what i was told than- you love all your kids the same.
well- for the record- five kids later- I don’t love all my kids the same in the least.
I do not love my mother like I love my father- I do not love my best friend like I love my husband- but i wouldn’t compare the love either-
My children- and yours- are unique human beings- they bring unique things into our world- they are individuals on every level.
I love each of my children for who they are and I bet you will find the same-
The similarity of being another child born of you and your partner is a special connection without doubt- but no matter how much two siblings look alike and maybe even act alike- they bring out different reactions from us- and i think they should.
I have never questioned that Madeline was afforded all the love in the universe parents can provide- and I do not question your baby will either-
but i do think people too often lump siblings together to be one sort of entity “The Kids”….
but i don’t think you can loose anything here- because you can never have too many people too love or to love you in return.
one love never takes away from another.
Laurie says:
I have not been through anything that comes close to what you’ve been through and I felt the same type of anxiety throughout both of my pregnancies. In fact, my children are 18 and 21 and there are still times when I worry that I’m not the mom they deserve. Although your feelings are exacerbated x a gazillion because of the horror you’ve experienced — when a mom’s heart fills with child-love I believe it’s normal to feel all the insecurities that come with all the amazing-ness.
I have every confidence that you will be a better than great mom, Heather. Trust in all that you are.
Colleen says:
This little girl will be born… and you will hold her in your arms… and you will be the best mommy you can be. You are already being such a great Mommy to her!
Mags says:
You are already a great Mom…to Maddie and to Binkie. I understand your fears…however, once you hold Binkie in your arms and know that she is okay, your overwhelming love will take hold and keep the strength of your fears at bay.
.-= Mags´s last blog ..Place mats… =-.
Expat Mom says:
You are going to be a great mom to Binky. You won’t cheat her of anything and you know why? Because you are her mom. Just like you did everything for Maddie, you will do what Binky needs. And she will be different, because every child is different.
I haven’t lost a child after pregnancy, but when my son was still tiny and his brother was already on the way, I felt that I had somehow failed him and that he would have a very different life because we brought another little one into the family too soon. But you know what? All these things we worry about affecting our kids, our attitudes, every little decision, they are just a small part of the big picture and the big picture is that they are loved and wanted and cared for. The little things don’t make that big a difference in the long run. My boys are happy and love having a brother so close in age.
You’re going to be great. Just wait and see.
.-= Expat Mom´s last blog ..No Rest for the Wicked =-.
Amy M. says:
My Hailey, who is now 4 years old, had some seizures and was really sick for about 3 weeks when she was 5 months old. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was so afraid of her getting that sick again (Rotovirus). I now have a 4-1/2 month old, Teagan. I still worry but I’m not “as” worried. I can’t explain it…and you will see for yourself once Binky is born. You really do love them both just as much and I think the 2nd time around, things are a little more familiar. A little more “comfortable”. I hope it’s the same for you. We all could use some relaxation after the nervousness of a 1st child!
.-= Amy M.´s last blog ..Today, I feel happy =-.