Today is Jackie’s 36th birthday, the third we’ve celebrated without her.
Since Jackie’s birthday fell in November, she was the first in our group of friends to turn a year older. We always threw her crazy parties for her birthday, but the year she turned thirty she decided to throw the party herself. Jackie’s thirtieth birthday was only a few months after she was diagnosed with her brain tumor, and she somehow managed to plan an amazing party while she was recovering from brain surgery, undergoing chemotherapy, and easing back into working.
I remember sitting next to her a few days before the party. We were talking about how much she’d put into pulling the whole thing off, and she said something like, “Well, who knows how many more of these things I have left? Gotta do it up while I can.” I was horrified, and told her that she was going to beat cancer and have another fifty birthdays. I was naïve, but she wasn’t.
Her party was great, very Jackie, held in a fancy champagne bar in San Francisco. Friends and family flew in from all over.
Jackie was in her element, moving around the party all night, dancing and laughing. She was surrounded by the people she loved, and we were so happy to be around her.
This picture of her laughing, champagne in her hand, is exactly how I remember her from the entire night:
I’m so glad she threw that huge party. She only had three more birthdays with us.
Jackie’s mom posted on Facebook that today is not only Jackie’s birthday, but also National Kindness Day. She asked that we all do a random act of kindness in Jackie’s honor.It’s very fitting that one of the sweetest, most selfless people I’ve ever known was born on National Kindness Day. For the last two years, on Jackie’s birthday and the anniversary of her passing, the kids and I have done something nice for strangers. We’ll usually go to Starbucks (Jackie loved Starbucks) and buy a bunch of people coffee “from Jackie.” We’ll do it again today.
Happy birthday, Jackie. I miss you so, so much.
The first time Jackie held Maddie, right after Maddie came home from the NICU.
Brandy says:
My heart has been with your family this week and my mind on your sweet Maddie and Jackie. They were beautiful people and I’m glad to have gotten to “know” them through you. I LOVE Starbucks too (everyone who knows me, knows that). Today I am sure my kindness will also include buying some Starbucks for strangers and I will definitely be doing it from Jackie. Thank you for sharing her with us.
Colleen says:
Jackie and Maddie two beautiful souls that lit up the world….gone far too soon. I must echo the above thank you for sharing. Much love to you all.
DefendUSA says:
I don’t know what it’s like to lose many people I love. My grandparents all lived until I was well into my 40’s and what can you say for a life long-lived? I have been so lucky. Nina Poeta passed away on November 1. I went to school with her mother. I can’t imagine her pain because my 3rd is the same age as Nina and if she were gone, the hole would be bigger than the universe. I will do something kind for Jackie! and for Nina.
amourningmom says:
I am so glad that Jackie threw herself a fantastic birthday party. She was an amazing person – thank you so much for sharing her with us. I love that her birthday is also National Kindness Day. Will definitely do something kind in honor of Jackie today.
Thinking of Jackie, her family, Maddie and you extra today. Sending hope and hugs. xo
Debbie A-H says:
What a tough week. But what wonderful memories of two amazing people. So much love being sent your way from Chicago.
Nellie says:
Oh my heart aches for you and for Jackie’s beautiful family. Happy Birthday to one very precious gem of a woman!
Sending lots of love, hugs and selfless acts of kindness from NY.
Courtney says:
Heather, it is also my friend’s birthday today. He passed away in a skiing accident in 2011. He would be 29 today. He was also the absolute kindest, happiest person I’ve ever met. Wonderful people are born on this day! Hugs to you.
Katye says:
Today is my 30th birthday and I have to say, I feel honored to share the day with your Jackie. I’ll think of her every year when someone wishes me a happy birthday
Sara says:
Oh my, that last picture. Just wonderful. I love that y’all are keeping up Jackie’s legacy of kindness. What a tribute. Much love.
Glenda says:
Happy birthday beautiful Jackie!!!!!
LD's Mom says:
I know that life is full of unfair things, but to have your baby and your best friend’s birthday in the same week without having either of them here seems unbearable. You are so strong, and I’ll be sending you backup vibes of strength as you get through this month. You are doing a wonderful job of helping the world remember both Maddie and Jackie, two incredibly special gals. Lots of love to you.
Molly says:
Happy birthday to gorgeous Jackie! How fitting that her birthday is on National Kindness Day.
Gah, what a tough month for you, Heather and Mike. I love that you are spreading kindness at Starbucks in honor of your friend.
Megan says:
I love that Jackie’s birthday is National Kindness Day! My friend Dorina, who sounds a lot like your Jackie, was born on National Friendship Day. Dorina passed away in 2013 of an enlarged heart, which is one of those awkwardly funny things because, you know, everyone always said, “Dorina has such a big heart!” And then she did, haaaa. (She would totally laugh at that, too, don’t worry.) Anyway, long story short, thinking of Jackie and will make sure to do something kind on her behalf today.
Rita A. says:
What a terrible week. Not terrible because you can celebrate the births of two of your most favorite people but that you can not celebrate with them. I’m sorry. Sending love & light & the warmest thoughts your way Heather!
Giselle says:
Hi Heather. Thinking about you and Jackie! today.
Thank you for telling us about her birthday. I had a close friend pass away from cancer in 2012. I was naive, like you. I thought she would recover. She wasn’t accepted at MD Anderson, and I was still certain she’d be fine. She went to San Fransisco for experimental treatment and when she came home in Feb she looked thirty years older, but I still thought she’d be fine. When she canceled her trip in March, I still thought she’d be fine. When I texted her in May and got a response from her sister telling me she’d gone into hospice that week, I was floored. I was in shock and disbelief. That was a Friday. I was considering going to see her and on Sunday she passed. I’m still in shock, I think. And I miss her dearly. She was a wonderfully giving and caring person and she was taken much too soon. The world is sadder bc she’s gone. It’s less good.
Today I will do an act of kindness for Jackie and for Catherine. Rest in peace dear friends. I hope you meet in heaven, you two would like each other. Much love.
AuntieMip says:
There is something so beautiful about your best girl and first girl having birthdays so close together. It is not right that two such bright lights would be gone too soon. I hope it gives you comfort that they are celebrating together.
kathig says:
Your love for your girls is really beautiful and the way you have chosen to honor both Maddie’s and Jackie’s memories makes my heart both sad and happy, if that makes any sense. Sending you a virtual hug, I may not know you personally but your humor, intelligence and compassion inspire me every day.
Toni says:
Lisa says:
I love random acts of kindness but don’t always think to do them, so thank you for inspiring me with this post. I donated a bag of groceries to the local food bank (they have bins at the grocery store, so convenient!) and wrote Jackie on the little card they hang on the wall. I hope the acts of kindness you did with your kids today helped lift your heart a bit.
Jeanie says:
That last photo is so touching. Happy birthday, Jackie!
Paula R. (fka preTzel) says:
What a long, emotional week for all of you Heather. Jackie! is missed here in Iowa, too.
Nicole says:
Awww my birthday was yesterday too!
Anna says:
I can’t believe this is the third birthday since Jackie! passed away. I’m a little late on reading this post, but will definitely do an act of kindness in her honor this week.