Everything reminds me of Maddie. I try to turn it into a positive thing. “Maddie would have loved to play with this empty cardboard box.” Or “If Maddie were here she’d be banging her hands on the table.” Then I realize Maddie won’t ever again make a toy out of an empty box, or create a ruckus with two fists and a tabletop, and my world crashes in. Again.
Every song I hear has new meaning. I’ve always paid attention to lyrics but now each song is about Maddie. I cry over all of them. Even “The Next Episode” by Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg (Maddie would have loved the beat) (seriously, Dre and Snoop are wise).
Mike and I went away for a few days. It was hard. As my pal Matt has quoted on his blog,
“you couldn’t just get on a plane and expect everything to be different.”
Except we drove. But still.
There were distractions and plenty of options for things to do, even if my preference was to do nothing. I got overwhelmed a lot. It was a new bed to lay in and different newscasters on the channels. But nothing, really, was different.
It feels like a dream. But not this part. The Maddie part. She was so wonderful and perfect, she couldn’t possibly have been real. Nothing that perfect is real. Except this pain. It is perfectly, exquisitely wretched.
Your emails & cards mean so much to us, to me. They are bright spots in my otherwise overwhelming darkness. I will get back to everyone, eventually.
Tiff says:
Words cannot describe what it feels like to lose a child. I know – I lost my baby when he was one week old. It was unexpected, heart wrenching, and still, one year later, I still feel the pain of his loss. I was never quite sure of whether or not I believed in heaven until I lost my baby. I know your daughter and my son are in a far better place than you and I could ever imagine. My heart goes out to you. My heart goes out to your husband. Let me just say that I truly admire your eloquence during such a emotionally raw time. You’re an inspiration.
Elizabeth says:
Thank you for your post. I have been refreshing, hoping you would post. I don’t know what can help, I’m sorry, I so wish I did. Thinking of you.
Jamie S says:
I love your posts and photos…
Nothing seems suitable to write. Like so many others, I start to write but I have nothing. I think of you often, especially while I am with my own daughter who is thirteen months. I wish you were not going through this. I wish Maddie was still with you, banging on the table and playing with Rigby. Everyone usually offers “it takes time” speech but it is in your time and right now, time is standing still and excruciating. I pray for some peace for you. My very best wishes Heather.
Coral says:
as always, thank you for blogging. you, mike and rigby are in my thoughts every day! much love from georgia.
Jamie S says:
**Sorry, please let me clarify that I am not saying those terrible three words (it takes time), just making a reference because I know time must be standing still. I detest that cliché’
Jamie S’s last blog post..Is it time for medication yet?
sky says:
oh, i wish i could say something which would decrease the intensity of your pain. i read your blog every few days, and my heart aches. i lost my mother in february, and i can truthfully say that my pain is now a little less intense now – i feel like i can breathe without feeling like holes are in my lungs leaking out all my oxygen. it is all so different though – mothers aren’t children, and my mother lived a long life. maddie didn’t. but, i can reassure you that time will be your friend, that the memories will live on always just like the love will, and that while you will miss her for the rest of your life you will eventually feel some healing of this raw and primitive pain you experience now. i send you my wishes for more peaceful days and nights and my love ~ sky
sky’s last blog post..Scenes from Spring
Bec says:
I don’t think anyone expect you to reply. I certainly don’t. I just want to try to make sure that not a day goes by that you don’t know that someone is thinking of you and remembering your girl.
She was special and prefect and she touched my life which will be different for her loss.
catherine lucas says:
She was real, perfect and real… she will stay in your memories, a perfect little girl, not strong enough for this world. She had everything against her, mainly her small body, but she still was able to make a lasting impression on millions of people… How perfect is that?
Elaine says:
I’m sorry. It’s so very, very hard. And painfully ironic the way every song seems about her. My brother said that after he and his wife lost their second child (a stillbirth at eight months) all of a sudden every TV show or movie they saw had a miscarriage or stillbirth in it, or something that seemed to point to such a thing. They laugh about it now, in that sort of gallows humor way, but it wasn’t at all funny then. And he spoke so often of what you’re going through, how you can wake up and for one or two seconds the day seems okay, but then they thought why do I feel so awful, and then they remembered, and it all started over again.
Thinking about you.
Noelle says:
I came across this quote recently: “There is no footprint so small that it cannot make an imprint on the world,” and thought of your exquisite Maddie, who has left her footprint in the hearts of so many. Heather, when you write your beautiful words and share your heartache so openly, I believe you are telling one of the greatest love stories ever told. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
jane says:
I think of your family everyday and am so sorry for your pain. My children are about your age and I hope they have your grace and strengh during the hard times they will face in their lives. You are amazing-I hope that each day gets a bit more peaceful for you-my heart is breaking for you both and your families.
kristen says:
thinking of you daily, and hoping that each new minute is better than the last. thank you for sharing your endless love for your maddie.
Middle-Aged-Woman says:
Hugs and love are all I have for you both. Your love will never diminish, but I promise that the pain will.
Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..Loopholes
Nancy says:
Hi Heather, been checking in on you. We did the same after losing our Maci, it didn’t help us either…
I know it doesn’t help but, I hurt for you. Always in my daily thoughts.
Nanc in Illinois
Carmen @ La Petite Belle says:
I cannot imagine the pain you are going through, and how hard it must be to get up after being beat down so bad. I cannot imagine. But you are doing it- despite how hard it has been, you should give yourself credit, you’re getting through this. Step by step, little by little. Let yourself feel.
Bee says:
I wish so desperately that there were words to adequately describe how I feel right now. Each time I get on my laptop I click over to your blog hoping for a post. Reading your words and sensing your loss is helping me to cope with a very similar loss in my life. It also eases my mind that you are still okay. You and Mike are inspirations to so many who have lost so much. I pray for you, Mike, and Rigby on a daily basis.
Anna Marie Hinnant says:
I wish I could help with the pain – I wish there were words to say to soothe and calm, to ease the hurt. You are right – Maddie was so sweet, so perfect. You, Mike and Rigby are constantly in my thoughts.
Cindy says:
I think about you and Maddie…as everyone else does.
There is a song that you might like, it is by a band called Gogol Bordello (it is an Eastern European group of guys…a punk band with their gypsyish music thrown in)….anyway, they have a song called “Start Wearing Purple”….I think you might like it.
The main part of it is: Start Wearing Purple, Wearing Purple, Start Wearing Purple For Me Now….
Anyway, here is a link:
http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#gogol%20bordello%20purple
Giant hugs to you. We had some scary moments with our 32 week preemie son….but were lucky.
Cindy’s last blog post..The Boys Go to College!
Amy in OHio says:
Heather – I’m thinking of you. Your beautiful words make me feel like I’m right there with you. If I were I’d hug you and then make an inappropriate joke that only truly brilliant minds like yours would laugh at. Love you.
Amy in OHio’s last blog post..Bag, ladies?
Tami says:
I dont know you guys but I feel like I do in some ways since Ive been reading your Blog almost a year. I think of you guys all the time. I cant watch the videos of maddie any more because it makes me cry. I miss seeing her daily events with you and Mike. I put together something and finely got it mailed yesterday but as I was doing it I was so down and saying” why”! My heart just breaks for you
Mike , Rigby and your family.. My thought and prayers are with you..
Nicole says:
You and your perfect girl are never far from my thoughts. Your words are so true and are helping so many who might not otherwise have a voice to deal with such a painful loss. Praying for you….
charlane says:
As always you and Mike and Maddie are in my daily thoughts. She was so loved and by so many. In her tiny life Maddie touched the lives of so so many people, more than most people are able to do through years and years. Thank you for sharing her with the world.
charlane’s last blog post..Dear Keelyn,
sam {temptingmama} says:
I hope you were able to have a little bit of fun while you were away. I’m glad that you two took some time for yourselves. *hugs*
I want to tell you it will get easier. I want to tell you that you will be able to move on and be happy, enjoy life and eventually you will be you again. But I can’t. It all just sounds so cold and cliche.
I’m really glad you’re writing.
I’m here anytime, just a phone call away. When you’re ready! xoxox
amanda says:
Maddie was such a real true light in this world – and she still is – and I am sending you every good wish and good vibe and love to help you push through this most understandable darkness…xoxoxoxo…but know that she was REAL, and her energy and impact IS REAL….and so wonderful.
With love from CT,
Amanda
amanda’s last blog post..this little piggy went to market
cynthiabu says:
” I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special. ” That is from a movie that Julia Roberts starred in. It is my favorite movie of all time. It now reminds me of you and your precious daughter.
My prayers are with you every single day.
Cynthiabu
maggie, dammit says:
Here, with you, bearing witness. I’m so sorry.
jen says:
Like Amy, if I was there I would say something totally inappropriate and we would laugh. I’m glad you are still checking in with us, we miss you and love you and all that other gooey stuff.
jen’s last blog post..Randome Tuesday Thoughts
Amy says:
Like a few others have said.. I am glad you two were able to get away. I can only imagine how painful it must be to keep going forward… creating new memories… when all you want to do is go back in time and have the old ones back. I think of you and Mike every single day. My heart continues to break with you. As some one who doesn’t know you “in real life”.. I feel helpless. I will continue to comment and send a few cards along the way. It is the least any of us can do for you. Oh sweet Maddy… you are so missed by so many people.
Susan says:
I am so very sorry for this nightmare that you are living in. One day at a time….
Ari says:
I don’t have anything new to write, but I’m writing just the same… I think it’s amazing that you’re still blogging and letting us into what most certainly is the most painful thing you’ve experienced. I’m glad you were able to get away, even for a little while and even if getting away didn’t really help.
Kellie says:
Thinking of all of you.
Kellie’s last blog post..In Which I Do Something I HATE…
Midwest Mommy says:
Hugs
Dawn says:
I think you are doing a beautiful job of stepping forward. It takes a whole lot of grace to let so many people in to share this with you – I know that can’t be easy. This all sucks, I know we can use Maddie as our motivator to do so much good, but I also know that it’s a completely unfair “trade” – Why couldn’t we just do a lot of good WITH Maddie? Sigh.
Dawn’s last blog post..Boozeday – Lady-on-the-Street Style
Colleen in Toronto says:
I can’t imagine living a real life nightmare. One that you can’t wake up from, one that rips apart your very soul countless times a day. Where reminders constantly keep that pain ignited to the point that you feel like you can’t breath. I simply cannot fathom the loss you are feeling. I can however understand how you can feel like Maddie wasn’t real, she was to perfect to be real, she must of been the best dream you’ve ever had. I look at my baby girl everyday and think what did I do to deserve such a beautiful child? She’s so special, so kind, so loving, I feel that dream state and then I realize that I need to be so thankful that she is still here with me, that she is real and I cherish every moment with her. I think of your family every minute of everyday and wish I could take away some of your gut wrenching pain. Nobody can give you back your baby girl and for that I curse the universe and all the evil in it.
Freda says:
Thinking of you, Mike, and Rigby…
You all are in my thoughts, hopes, and prayers.
Jamie says:
Maddie was real. She was real and beautiful and funny and yours. I know that surreal feeling and it sucks. Halfway between this didn’t ACTUALLY happen and I can’t believe this ACTUALLY happened. She really was there though. She touched hearts, collected hearts and made her mark in a way that most full grown people wish to. I think of you and Mike every day. I pray for you both and hope that you’re doing the best you can.
Jamie’s last blog post..Tied up…
Lindsay says:
Keep being strong!!! Oneday your pain will turn into happiness!!! You are doing amazing and you are such a wonderful person!!! I think about you guys everyday and I cant wait for you to post. I love you your husdand and Rigby and I dont even know you. Im still praying for you!!!
Lesha says:
More thoughts. I do still think of your family daily and wish there was something one person so far away could even fathom doing to help with the pain and heartache, but I know there isn’t.
I will be walking for Maddie and you and Mike this weekend in State College, PA. We will be a small but mighty team for Maddie, just like Maddie.
Lesha’s last blog post..Small, but mighty
Ms. Moon says:
When you lay your head down at night, on whatever bed where you lay, just know how many people are soothing the sheets over you, wishing we could make your dreams easier, your heart lighter.
We know we can’t but we keep trying.
Ms. Moon’s last blog post..And The Opera House Saves My Life Again
Danes says:
Maddie is perfect. She always was. Little miracle. I love you.
sara says:
The other day I was walking and crying and thinking of your pain over your loss of Maddie. I used to listen to this song by Tracy Chapman when my mom passed away recently. It is a sad song but the end has some hope.
I am so so sorry for your loss. Here are the lyrics.
“The Only One”
Lyrics to The Only One :
She was the only one
Of my flesh and blood
Now I have no calling
I can do no worldly good
I sit silent
I sit mourning
I sit listless all the day
I’ve mostly lost the voice to speak
And any words to say except
Does heaven have enough angels yet?
I’ve gone hard
And I’ve gone cold
I can’t make the piece of this cracked life fit
Please forgive me for wanting to know
Does heaven have enough angels yet?
Together oh together
No there’ll be no more of that
But I would not dare for myself to ask
Does heaven have enough angels yet ?
She was the only one
Of my own flesh and blood
Sometimes I hear her calling
Straight from the house of god
Vicky says:
I am so very sorry for what you and your family are going through. I wish I had something to say that would make things a little better, but I really don’t. I think you can only take life at this point one step at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, sometimes even just one second at a time. Be kind to yourself and to each other.
Please keep posting when you feel like you can. It’s obvious alot of people here care about you and your husband. I know I do.
Lisa says:
Still praying for you. . . I wish I could say or do more. I can not imagine what you are going through. I just wish I could do more.
Lisa’s last blog post..Tag! You’re it! No wait! I am!
Haley-O says:
I’m sure everyone will agree that you don’t have to get back to any of us. These beautiful posts are plenty — your letting us know how you’re doing when you can (without putting stress on yourself at all) is an honour for all of us. Don’t worry about anything. Just heal in your own time. We’re here to listen and support and ((HUG)) and pray.
Haley-O’s last blog post..Cheaty Goes to the New-Age Bookstore
Lisa says:
I’m glad you were able to get away, I hope it helped just a little.
I wish there was something I could say or do to help. Just know we are all here for you, to listen, to lean on, to get mad at the universe with you, to smile at your stories, to cry with you. Whatever you need.
Carol says:
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve been thinking about all of you since I read your story. Maddie was a beautiful little girl. My husband was out of town for most of the last week. I usually hate these times–I feel very overwhelmed alone with 4 children. However, your loss has been weighing heavily on my mind and I found myself relishing every minute with my kids. We had a wonderful week and did many fun activities together. Last night I took them to the library, something I would normally not choose to do on a school night at the end of a long day. As soon as I walked in I noticed a book called “Purple Socks.” The title immediately made me think of Maddie, and I realized that it was the impact of her story on me that led me to this place of being able to simply enjoy my children. My husband returned late last night, to a house completely trashed, but a family so grateful for all they have. I just wanted to tell you how so very sorry I am for your loss. And to let you know that your generosity in sharing your story has helped me to cherish the here and now. I’ll continue to think of you and your family and wish you peace and healing.
Jennifer says:
I can only imagine that life must feel so dream-like and surreal right now. It just doesn’t make sense. We are thinking of you and your beautiful perfect Maddie every day.
Jennifer’s last blog post..File This Under…
Just Jiff says:
HUGS.
I don’t have any words of wisdom, just wanted to let you know you are thought about daily (and Maddie too).
Just Jiff’s last blog post..Toofache.
Jodee says:
I don’t know what to say “sorry” seems so hollow and to not express enough.. but we love you and we are praying for you daily even though we have never met….
Jodee’s last blog post..Do people really care?
Amazing Greis says:
(((HUGS))) to you for now and ALWAYS!
Jill says:
She was real. And she’s more real to more people than you could ever know. That little girl’s spirit will stay with me for a long while, as will my thoughts and prayers with you and Mike.
Jill’s last blog post..Whatcha Makin’? Vol. 2
Lisa says:
I’ve only recently found your site and I can’t begin to put into words how my heart has broken for you and Mike. I’ve never experienced losing a child- but it’s my worst fear…I have 3 boys. Please know that I am praying for your family daily for the strength and faith to carry on and heal. Maddie will be forever remembered and cherished.
Stefanie says:
I think of you every single day. My heart breaks for you and Mike.
Stefanie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Libby says:
I remember the fog and slow pace of life when my mom died. It felt like I was doing everything underwater and I had to learn how to do everything over again. I ended up with panic attacks for a while…life was overwhelming. Grief is hard and slow and it sucks. And I know your pain of losing Maddie is more difficult than what I’ve had to bear. Still thinking of you and trying to lift you up and send a little bit of light to help you in your darkness.
WhyMommy says:
Sending you love, and thinking of you often.
Suzanne says:
This post and the Tracy Chapman song posted by Sara have me in tears. I comment on every post you write — my little effort to make sure you know that we are all thinking of you & Mike constantly. Of course I hope you keep us updated…but only if doing so helps you.
Maddie was perfect. Of course I never met her, but she is exquisite and charming in her pictures. I love looking at pictures of people’s babies and think all babies are beautiful, but she had an undeniable spark. I work in DC near the national mall, and went walking during my lunch hour. Behind the Smithsonian castle there is a tulip garden. I walked there. The sun was warm and the tulips were blooming — they were all purple. I had never noticed that before. I thought of your Maddie, and then thought of the babies in the world that are sick and alone. Although I am not religous, I said an impromptu prayer along the lines of asking god to help you heal, and to bless and hold your Maddie. God bless your perfect Maddie, and god bless all the babies.
I remain so sorry for your loss, and when I get a chance, I’ll take a picture of Maddie’s garden behind the Smithsonian castle for you.
Christe says:
There is nothing I can say but I just wanted to let you know you are being though of.
I can’t imaging what you are going through, my heart goes out to you and your family. Hugs!!!!!!
Jack's Mom says:
We’re miles apart but I’m sending you BIG (((HUGS))). I think of you every single day and have told everyone I know about your Maddie. Why have you been an inspiration to me? I needed to slow down and enjoy life with my son, and now I have. You were an incredible mom and knew how to live each day with your baby, some of us are slow learners You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers each and every day.
Denise says:
Even though I’m torn to find the right things to say, we are here, wishing we could help ease the pain for you and Mike.
Cat says:
I lost a pregnancy last fall, and someone left this in my comments last week on what would have been my due date – it brought me a little comfort, so I wanted to pass it along to you:
Perhaps, they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy. — Eskimo legend
xoxo
Angie says:
I know my words cant really help but I want you to know that I am one more mother who cries a little every day when I think of Maddie. And then I hope for you and Mike, I hope you find peace someday.
SusieO says:
I think of you, Mike and Maddie whenever I look in my children’s eyes. Thank you for writing and keeping us close. I wish we could take away the pain and leave the hope and light. But maybe the pain eventually makes the hope and light stronger than we ever could. Much love to you.
SusieO’s last blog post..The Heavens are Very Lucky, Indeed
moosh in indy. says:
“perfectly, exquisitely wretched”
Best three words to describe what you’re going through. Which is, ironically, perfectly, exquisitely wretched.
Mary Helen says:
I’m so sorry. I wish there was something any one of us could do to make your pain go away. Just know that we are still thinking of you and dear Maddie and hoping that as each day goes by things get a little bit brighter.
momexperience says:
I can’t imagine what you are going through. My friend just lost her son after his 2 year battle with cancer and I know she is feeling the same way. Sending you hugs and love.
momexperience’s last blog post..I’m so glad I got to meet you and Kiki. Tell her t…
AMomTwoBoys says:
I want to scoop you up and take you away and make everything better. But I can’t.
I’m here for you. Whenever you need me.
I love you, Mike and Maddie always and forever.
xoxo
Kelly says:
Heather…
My heart aches for you. I don’t have special words, or a magic wand to bring life back to a safe place. I can’t imagine your agony, loss or the confusion. You are in my thoughts & prayers…. Maddie is banging to the beat, everytime you hear that song, she is right there with you, in your heart, and she hears you and sees you every time she looks down on you and her daddy. I know there are many of us that would give anything in the world to make it all better…. I so wish I could, but I can’t… so all I can do is offer a shoulder to cry on…
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Not Fair, Not Fair, Not Fair
april says:
Nothing to say but love and hugs from NJ…
so glad that our words of comfort offer you some small ray of sunshine in an otherwise world of darkness right now. know that you, mike, rigby, and beautiful maddie are thought of everyday and loved in every possible way (sounds weird to say that to someone I’ve never met… but my heart is bigger for having read this blog and shared in your joys and sorrows.)
hugs hugs hugs hugs.
Karen says:
Real, pure and true love can most certainly only be measured by the pain left behind when you lose someone you love; especially a child. Grief is cruel and unforgiving. I’m so sorry it’s taken up residence in your heart, your life… your existence. May it eventually (however gradually) be replaced with moments of comfort, peace and the willingness; the capacity to love life again.
Meghan says:
Oh Heather! I know I am just a internet poster, but oh my gosh the urge to come CA and just want to hug you is overwhelming. I am checking in here every day to see how you and Mike are doing. I know it must be hard, but please keep posting! It helps us internets know how you are – good or bad.
I think of Maddie ALL the time. I am constantly reminded of her and how precious she was and how much I loved reading all of your posts. She was such a special little girl and I feel fortunate to have found your blog to have “met” her. She continues to transcend even in her passing.
Since I can only offer virtual hugs I am sending them over and over. I only wish it was that easy to ease your pain.
Kristen says:
Meghan said it. Ditto to her. Loving you guys extra today.
VDog says:
I can’t say anything without crying.
Holding you both tight.
xoxoxoxo
Trish says:
I read the words you spoke at the service. For whatever it’s worth, Maddie is not gone. She’ll never be gone. She is in heaven with your Great Grandmother Mary, your Nana Nancy, and your grandmother Mary Alice. And even though you can’t see it, she is doing all the things that you just described. She’s in no pain, and she doesn’t need any breathing treatments. She’s just happily playing, and patiently waiting until she sees you again one day. I don’t know how everything works, or why these horrible things happen. But in my heart and my soul, I know that one day, everything will be made right again, and it will be as though you were never parted. And I hope that knowing that will give you hope and help to ease your pain just a little bit.
I don’t know how you’re managing to carry on. But I admire your strength for being able to do so, and for being able to post about it. I don’t know that I could. I’m so very sorry that you guys are going through this. I wish there were something I or anyone else could do to make it all better. I think about you and I pray for you every day. ((Hugs))
Trish’s last blog post..Proof that urine is acidic
mama2addie says:
I don’t even know what to say other that we’re here for you! I come to your blog daily to “check in” on you, and I envy your strength in sharing your raw emotions. I don’t know that I could do that…I don’t think I could be that strong. You are an ispiration to many, as was your precious Madeline.
((hugs))
mama2addie’s last blog post..It’s been a while..
Scott says:
I know we’ve never met but my wife and I think and talk about you ever day. We’re constantly sending you hugs.
I’m sure it’s tough to keep up your blog, but during tough times I’ve always felt it good to get the words out. We’re all listening, and we all wish you and your husband the best.
BIG HUGS!
Alison says:
You, Mike, and Maddie are in my thoughts constantly and I am always sending you guys love.
Alison’s last blog post..Marching for Maddie
Darla Wentz says:
Heather –
I think of you, Mike and especially Maddie every day. She was very real and touched some many lives in such a short amount of time. Hang on to your memories of your beautiful and perfect little girl. It is so great that you started this blog so you can look back and recall all the experiences you had with your precious daughter. Take care.
Darla
Darla Wentz’s last blog post..A Mother’s Child
Becky says:
I just wanted to let you know that you’re all in my thoughts. When I visit my bereavement counselor, I’ll wind up speaking of you, Maddie, and Mike (Rigby does not tend to come up), the grief and loss, but more importantly, the love you have for one another. You have made an impact on my life, one that’s a little painful, but I’ll be forever grateful for.
Michelle says:
I was driving in my car and heard the end of this song, and it struck me and instantly I thought of you, Mike, and Maddie. May music be a healing tool for your soul and may your memories of Maddie be sweet and often.
Why did she have to go
So young I just don’t know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she’s smiling saying
Don’t worry ’bout me
Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she’s smiling saying
Don’t worry ’bout me
It’s hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I’ll cherish
And I won’t cry ’cause
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she’s smiling saying
Don’t worry ’bout me
Don’t worry ’bout me
Don`t worry ’bout me
creynolds1313 says:
I have been trying for weeks to think of anything I could say to you. All I can think of is to tell you I think of you and Mike everyday. I wish there was something I could say but just know that we are here and that we care.
Denise J. says:
Heather and Mike –
I’m just another person sending prayers and hugs your way. I’m a NICU mom too (PPROM @ 26 wks, 1lb, 10 oz) so I know the some of the struggles you have been through – perhaps that is why I am so attached to you and your family now.
Did you know that you raised more money for March of Dimes than a whole town? It’s true! When i walked for New Braunfels, Texas last year, we raised $44k – and your team is still going! That is an amazing – no – an INCREDIBLE achievement! The money you raised will help more babies with research into why PPROM happens – and how to stop it from happening.
I know that words will never fill the emptiness that you feel right now and you may never be the same again but I know that your sweet girl is an angel watching over all of us – and I know – she was here for a reason – even though she had to go to be with God before anyone was ready.
You said in your speech that you had no regret, that you were grateful for the time you had with her. I think that is a wonderful way to see her life – as a beautiful gift.
My heart is still breaking for you both every day – I pray for comfort for you and your family and friends – for all of us.
Hugging you long-distance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miss E says:
Thinking of you everyday and sending love your way. Please know that you have an army of love and support behind you. We will never forget.
xoxo from Arizona
Miss E’s last blog post..She Thinks It Was Her Fault
Heather says:
“Tears in Heaven” (Clapton) came on the radio as I was en route to drop off my kids at day care. I had to stay in the car for a few minutes before I could take them inside. I was a softy before, with a too-vivid imagination. Having kids made that exponentially worse. Thinking of Maddie makes it terribly real.
I wanted to tell you a while back that I loved the video you made for her memorial service. It was joyful, and made so clear the fun and celebration that was every day of her life with you. I wasn’t sad after watching it, not until I remembered why I was watching it.
Becky says:
I saw up there that Stef thinks of you every day. Well, *I* think of you every *hour*.
All joking aside, I can only imagine how tough this is. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better. Really, I do.
Bonnie says:
I’m glad to see you back and am thinking of you!
Bonnie’s last blog post..The Great Paint Party 09!
tara says:
sending so many *HUGS* to you and mike. i wish I could help with the pain – i wish there was something i could do for you. i am thinking about you every day, and i think of your incredible maddie every day. there are so many people, like me, who never met you but are our here trying to wrap our arms around you and help ease your pain, even if just for a minute.
Kim says:
Saying prayers for you and your family from North Carolina.
Rachel says:
Heather and Mike, I am so sorry. With every post your courage and eloquence make me wonder whether I could be half so brave in your place. Here’s another way that Maddie is still touching this world: I read your blog, I see the beautiful video and pictures of your amazing Maddie, I think about what the loss of her means to you, and it reminds me every day to be more patient and loving with my own child.
Thank you so much for sharing yourselves with all of us during this terrible, terrible time, and for all your work with the March of Dimes. You are in my prayers.
Lucy says:
I am so, so sorry you lost your Maddie. And I know how trivial and trite those words sound, but the languages of Earth do not have words that adequately express the kinds of emotions brought on by the death of a child. My second child, Olivia, was born on Christmas Day, 2007, three months premature and weighing 1lb, 15oz. She died three weeks later, and I cursed myself for ever saying/thinking/wishing to be free of the NICU. My/our journey mirrors yours in many ways but no two children and no two griefs are the same. So here is the tiny bit of wisdom I’d like to pass along.
1. This is your journey (meaning the plural – you and Mike). You will feel the need to hide your emotions and tailor your behavior to make others more comfortable, but forget it. No matter what, no matter who, nobody understands exactly what you have been through. I am so very glad that so few people I know have had to stand there and watch their child die, but because they haven’t they can’t possibly understand my grief. I made the decision early on that if what I was dealing with made them uncomfortable, then that was their problem.
2. Men and women grieve differently and that’s okay. The grief is the same, but the process of coming to terms with it is inherently different. You and Mike need to make a promise to stay out of each other’s way. You will need each other desperately, but as time goes on you will need to do and see and experience things that he can’t deal with at that moment and vice versa. But that’s fine. You go and do what you feel led to do and if he can’t go there with you, don’t judge. And he needs to give you the space to NOT do whatever he needs to do if you’re not comfortable. Your paths will cross a lot, I promise.
3. You have done the greatest service for Maddie that you can do. You have given her to the world. There are no more than 50 pictures that exist of my daughter and my greatest fear is that my precious girl will be forgotten. But you have imortalized Maddie and no one will ever forget her. Her life was and is important. You will look back one day and be staggered by how much impact your baby had, not only on you, but on the wider world. You have sent her forth into the world and she has, and will continue, to make people smile and cry and work to change the world into a place where babies don’t die.
PS – My March for Babies team is walking the day after tomorrow in honor of my daughter. I’ll be thinking of Olivia AND Maddie.
Andrea says:
Heather I’m really at a loss for words right now. Nothing I could possibly say will make things better. Just no that even though we are strangers to you that we are praying for your family. Your story has touched me in a way I can’t even describe. God bless
Andrea’s last blog post..End of an Era
Kate says:
Sadly I found your bloig because of your tragedy, I am so sorry for your loss, as a mom to 4 ,one being a 28 weeeker my biggest fear is I will loose them. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but I don’t. You have really made a difference in my life already, because of you I am uploading and enlarging many pictures of my kids that I never got around to and will display them here to celebrate our family. my thoughts are with your family and with Maddie.
mrs.chicken says:
I think of you and Mike every day. I think it is so good that you keep writing. Love to you.
Amanda (@mom23greatgirls) says:
Heather & Mike –
Thinking of you today…
i carry your heart with me
ee cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
Leita Reyna says:
Gosh. I cannot quite imagine the pain you’re going through. I am holding your and Mike’s heart in mine and sending lots of loving energy your direction. Maddie’s spirit is sooo real and will live on forever. xoxoxoxo
Krissa says:
After many attempts at a comment, simply “hugs”. That’s all.
Tiffany says:
You don’t know me, but I feel as if I need to tell you how bad I feel for you. I know exactly the “dream” you are in. When my mother passed away, it was just so unreal. The next morning when I woke up I grabbed the phone to call her but then remembered that it wasn’t a dream, it was real. It was a nightmare. It has been 4 years since that horrible day and the pain feels no better. I could not imagine the pain you are in though. To long to hold your baby, I am so sorry. You are holding her in your heart. Time does not make it easier, it just makes you learn to fake it better. Again I am so very sorry. You are in my thoughts. This poem has stuck with me through the years, so I thought that I would share it with you.
Please don’t tell me not to cry
Please don’t say there was a reason why
You don’t know what I’m feeling
Or how much I hurt
The wet spots are from tears on the collar of this shirt
You think I should go on with life
Forget about it and be strong
But deep down I’m sad, and I don’t want to go along
I don’t expect you to understand why
For no reason I break down and start to cry
My life has changed forever, you see
And that is why I’m not acting like the same ole me
So please don’t try to act like nothing happened
Because it has changed my life forever
I will never be the same again
Not today, not tomorrow, but never
The best thing that you can do for me is just be there
Just like always, my friend
My broken heart is hurting bad
And it will never mend.
Take care.
Amy says:
Truthfully, nothing any of us do or say will take this pain away. I think the only way to get through the darkness and the wretched pain is to go through it. It is torturous and you shouldn’t have to. It will take longer than you think, it will hurt worse than you ever imagined, and time will appear to stand still.
It wasn’t a dream, Maddie was here and she touched so many lives. More lives than you may ever even know. More lives than one person usually touches in a lifetime. That is because of you and Mike and everyone who loved her. You gave her to us, you shared her with us. For that, many of us will never forget or ever be thankful enough for.
Take care of yourselves, and know that I am thinking of you and keeping you close to my heart.
Amy
Oregon
Molly says:
Hang on, honey, just hang on. Hang in and hang on. I don’t think this is the kind of thing you get over (and wouldn’t want to, exactly)–it must be that you just get through it one second at a time, and then one day it is almost bearable. Meaning you can stand again, but of course will never, ever forget.
I am so sorry you and Mike have to go through this. Nobody should have to go through this.
Dina says:
Dear Heather,
In Jewish tradition, when someone passes, you say “may her memory be a blessing.” Because the people who we loved so much in life will always remain with us, in our hearts and in our memories.
Your daughter Maddie was a true blessing in so many senses of the word. She made an impact, truly, she really did. And she WILL be remembered by people, even people who “met” your family through photos and your wonderful writing.
I am keeping you and Mike in my thoughts. When your arms feel empty and hurting, I hope you can reach for one another and also feel the strength of so many people who love you and want to protect you…
karina says:
hi heather i am so sorry for your lost i can only imagen the empty whole in your heart. I have a similar story with my son being born premature and with breathing problems, so i kind of know what you are going through the in and outs of the emergency rooms, the oxygen tank the breathing treatment the medicine. During the march of dimes i was marching next to you and your loved ones. I didnt approach you because i didnt have the words. My son was very fussy during the whole march and everytime he screamed you turned to look i felt horrible because i knew it was bringing you back memories of your beautiful big blue eyed princess. It will get easier be strong.
Amanda says:
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Take care, love, Amanda
Debbie in Memphis says:
Even though most of us will never be blessed to meet you and Mike, we love you. Your and Mike’s willingness to allow us to share your beautiful daughter and her life with you means so much to all of us. I know that doesn’t stop your pain, but I hope that the love from thousands of us, your stranger/friends, will help buoy you when you feel like you can’t stay afloat any longer. Thank you, Heather, for your generosity, photos and wonderful stories. You make me want to do more to capture every moment that I’m blessed with with my own children. I wish I had the perfect things to say, but there really isn’t anything. I’m so sorry and I’m praying every day for you and Mike and your family.
Kelly says:
I read Matt’s blog and after a year, and with all his many old and many, many new friends, I read the post about Hawaii and he could not be surrounded by more people, yet he seemed so lonely. I can imagine it will feel like that for you as well. You pain is so apparent and unfortunatley so unavoidable. The time you had with your angel was far too short and it just seems so unfair. I’m sorry for your pain, and I hope each day you get closer to finding some peace.
Michele says:
Just want you to know I am thinking of you and your family everyday. As a mother, I can barely bring myself to imagine what you and Mike are going through. I thank you so much for having the emotional strength to post, because I wonder how you are doing, and wish there was something I could do to ease your grief. I’m honored to bear a fraction of your pain by keeping up with your blog. I’ve started pointing out the purple flowers to my son on our walks and talking about saying a prayer for Maddie while I do it – and there are a hell of a lot of purple flowers reaching up to the sun these days! So there are lots of prayers to Heaven in honor of your daughter being sent from Staten Island, NY.
Take care of yourself, Michele
Andrea says:
Just wanted to let you know I think of you & your husband often. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Sandra says:
I’ve often thought of commenting on your posts since Maddie passed, but I truly don’t know what to say that could bring any comfort at all. I think of you all often. I miss Maddie. A little girl who I never met touched my heart and I truly miss her. I really enjoyed when you posted funny pictures of her. Like when she was upset & crying. For some reason those ones cracked me up. You captured every essence of her in your photography. I love that.
Sandra’s last blog post..Wal-Mart Wayne
nic @MyBottle'sUp! says:
i just experienced a mix of emotions as i drove to the local bank that is “banking” money for sunday’s MOD walk here in baltimore… i was excited and heavy with sadness at the same time.
“my bottle’s up for maddie” has raised $745 so far, and i’m proud to be doing this… participating in this… honoring her, you, and mike.
i’m excited for sunday because i know that i will see a sea of purple awesomeness… and heavy with sadness because i will hug my purple-clad one year old son and cry because i will think of you wanting to hug your sweet maddie.
heather, i think of you every day. i think of mike every day. i think of maddie every day.
we have purple irises on our kitchen table this week. my son, jackson, wants to eat them. they do look rather delicious.
nic @MyBottle’sUp!’s last blog post..stats
Alexandra says:
I know what you mean, after I had a close family member pass away, every songon the radio was about them. Every one: I also felt like I was being rushed through my grieving by everyone. They kept talking about the future, and when I would feel better, and how it wouldn’t hurt like this forever. I just wanted to scream, “Leave me alone, I want to fell this, to feel she was here, that she was real.” Poor thing, just lay in all the feelings, and go through them…acknowledge she was here. Just feel it, because all these feelings belong to her, and she lives in them.
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
People have written such amazing words above, their own and the words of others. I hope they are able to bring a tiny bit of comfort.
I still can’t find adequate words, they just fail me. Love to you, every moment of the day.
Andrea’s Sweet Life’s last blog post..Different
Glenda says:
My heart goes out to you and Mike. Even though we don’t know each other, I came here through Matt’s blog, and have come back ever since. I just want you to know that I pray for you and Mike. I’m sorry for your loss. I think of Maddie often. I enjoy the pics you share with us. XO
Amy says:
Just wanted to post again today and apologize! I spelled Maddie’s name wrong in my original post. I spelled it Maddy by accident… so sorry!!
Deborah says:
I think of you and your family every day and it is good to see you back on your blog. I’m so sad for you and Mike and everyone else in your family. You are all loved dearly.
lenora in san diego says:
Since I’m new to your blog, I’ve been reading the archives. It feels like I’m getting to know you; there are so many posts that I want to comment on but I don’t want to drag you through the past. I just wanted to say once again how sorry I am. I really do hope it helps to know how many people in the world are thinking of you and Mike every day and remembering Maddie.
Emily says:
I just stumbled onto your blog yesterday afternoon and couldn’t stop reading or crying. My daughter is about Maddie’s age and I don’t know if it’s the way you talk about her or if it’s just the Mom thing, but I instantly felt a connection to you and your sweet, sweet Maddie. I know she and my Anna would have been good friends had they gotten the chance. I have been thinking about you and praying for your family since I learned all about you just 24 hours ago. I’ll be lighting candles in church every week from now on for all of you. I’m sure Maddie’s will burn the brightest.
Nanette says:
I’m glad you and Mike got away, even if the change of environment didn’t distract you as hoped. You, Mike, Maddie and the rest of your family are never far from my thoughts. Continued warmth and thoughts coming your way. XOXOXO
Nanette’s last blog post..Mobile moments
Keary Naughton says:
I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you and Mike and remembering Maddie. Keep writing about everything you have a special way with words. I know this sounds trite, but time is a great healer. My first child died 23 years ago in May, I too had premature ruptured membrane, although he had a heart problem also. Just know that you are not forgotten. Take is one day at a time.
mythoughtsonthat says:
Peace and hope to you….
mythoughtsonthat’s last blog post..Reality
Liz says:
Heather you are an angel here on earth. You keep moving and writing. You are unbelievable. One step at a time.
Your Maddie was too perfect for this world.
Paola says:
You are truly an inspiration. YOU and your family are in my daily thoughts and prayers…You will hear that alot. Every time we pray for you we also thank God for putting you in our lives because we have so much to learn from you, and your ability to make people smile, there is no doubt in my mind Maddie reflected a lot of who you are! Truly amazing!
anymommy says:
I’m here too. I think of you so many times a day. I picture Maddie’s bright face so many times a day. I’m here.
blairzoo says:
Though I haven’t met you, you are constantly in my thoughts. My friend had her first baby die at 5 weeks of age, and I remember watching her go through the grief. I am so impressed that you got out of bed and remembered to breathe today. You are doing a magnificent job of being alive while you grief the deepest loss possible.
My friend was very present to her grief and wrote an amazing paper about her story, and how she needed to just keep cycling through the stages of grief over and over. It did get a little easier each time, and people would remark to her about how much she was crying and for how long. And she would tell them that it was her job to just cry and cry as much and as long as she needed to. It was so powerful that she knew to just keep crying, that she wasn’t doing it ‘wrong’, and she didn’t let anyone make her feel bad for how she grieved the loss of her baby. I admire her so much, because she is a strong, healthy woman in so many ways.
Make sure you take care of yourself. Don’t worry about what others think or what you “should” be doing . You are doing the hardest work of all. Lots of love, Keene
Ginger says:
I wish I could hug you. I wish I could help ease your pain. I think about you and your husband every day.
Ginger’s last blog post..Universe, I hate your ass face
Kandis says:
I don’t know if this is actually helpful or not but I hope it is…. I heard a sond today and thought of you and your little girl, its country and very good. hope it gives you peace. http://www.cmt.com/videos/alan-jackson/355885/sissys-song.jhtml?id=1610041
Mama Snyder says:
Heather – It hurts me to even imagine how tough things must be for you right now. I wish there was a way to take some of your pain away. I’m praying for you and Mike every day. There just aren’t words to help, so prayers are all I can think to offer to you. Keep writing, and know you have friends grieving with you all over the world.
Mama Snyder’s last blog post..rub-a-dub-dub
Kristie says:
My heart is hurting for your family. I lost three babies, early in pregnancy. I was very sad for my losses but there is one HUGE difference. I never got to know my angels. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain. I pray for you daily and I cry for you a lot too. No words can take away your pain so I will not even attempt.
Maria Delgado says:
Thank you for sharing this with us. You are braver than I can ever say.
Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy says:
Dre & Snoop are so wise. The beat to the Next Episode is amazing. You and Mike are in my thoughts.
Ashley says:
Thank you for your continued strength to blog for those of us praying for and reading about you. I wish I had words that were the right ones, I wish that I didn’t physically ache for you each time I read your blog, look at your photos or hold my own children. You are in our thoughts and prayers, daily.
Duchess/Jenn says:
I saw Dre and Snoop last year, they didn’t disappoint. The a-hole teenagers behind us almost 30-somethings telling us we were to old to be there, well they just sucked and we showed them how to rock it old school style.
Sometimes music just hurts. I recommend, well nothing, I’ve got nothing. I wish I did but I don’t. I hate that uncomfortable coming out of your skin can’t focus, can’t sit still, can’t deal kind of feeling but I would take it for you if I could.
Erin says:
Just wanted to stop by and say hi. And let you know that we’re still thinking about you and praying for you. I don’t know how much it helps, if any, but I hope it takes your mind off things, at least briefly. If there’s anything that any of us “virtual” people can do, please let us know. And don’t feel obliged to get back to all of us by email…we comment because it makes us feel like we’re doing something, as most of us are too far away to be of any real help. Sending hugs!
Julia says:
Dear Heather and Mike, my thoughts and prayers are with you from London. You have touched the hearts of so many with your joy and now your sorrow. If there was any word or deed that might take this grief from you, even for a second then we would all say or do that thing for you both right now.
My experience is not the same as yours, my first baby was still born at nine months but we too went through these painful months of grieving. I vividly remember waking each day and for a second everything was ok again before the world crashed down like a physical slab of grief on my chest. Even now there are songs from that period that can make me cry because they spoke to me directly about my loss.
Maddie has touched the hearts of so many people around the world because she was the very special daughter of very special parents. Sending you loving thoughts and hugs.
Lori says:
Oh Heather. I wish so badly that I could take your pain away, even if just for a day. I think about You, Mike, and Maddie every day. I wish there were something I could do or say. Again, I am so sorry.
Please know Maddie has taught us all something. Even those of us who never met her. Her life was not in vein.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com says:
I don’t think anyone expects you to reply, so take your time. You shouldn’t do that until you’re ready, if that’s tomorrow or in fifteen years or never.
Deidre says:
Heather,
I don’t understand your type of ache.I have an inkling of what you are going through, but I can’t think about it to long or I start to cry. I understand death, as I lost my husband..But we are on different levels of Pain. Your pain just is not suppose to be. Period. Young children and babies are suppose to be out of the equation. Then I would say young man, father of young child. Not suppose to happen at age 37 with a four year old. I was just in the beginnings of my life with our daughter. Of course my father passing in Dec. is more expected and a natural process of life. He was 77. Then I look at a spider or an ant, and think darn you are nothing and alive, we need our loved ones back! I know it sounds so silly, but I do have those thoughts every once in a blue moon. It is amazing how being out of our environment effects us. We are all different. My mother wants to be away, I tend to want to stay home. The greatest gift that God gave us was allowing us to grieve in anyway we see fit. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I am glad you have the energy to blog. I am here everyday checking up on you and waiting to know how you are. Sleep well.
Deidre’s last blog post..What would you do for this family?
Tauni says:
I am a “you don’t know me person”. I want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family. I can’t say or do anything really other than tell you I am thinking of you…often. Each time I see my daughters in a purple shirt I think of you.
This is going to sound really selfish but I needed to tell you this. I want to thank you! Lately, I have been having an exceptionally hard time with my 1 daughter who doesn’t stop whining and crying. It literally is 24/7 and I have tried everything to get her to stop. After having tears all day for the last 6 months, I told my husband maybe we needed to send her to my mom’s or something for a while cause honestly I can’t stand crying all day long every single day. I have NEVER, EVER felt this way! I love my children. I have been through hard times but I have never wanted to really send one away.
After a particularly hard day with my daughter I came to your blog. I had just listened to my 4 year old cry herself to sleep after crying solid for 4 hours prior. I sat and cried on the couch. After reading your blog I had such a HUGE sense of blessings. I was so grateful for your post!!! I can never thank you enough!!!!! It helped me have gratitude for my daughter even though all I hear is whining and all I see is tears. We still have tears, whining and all that jazz but my attitude towards it is now different. I went in her room, gave her hugs and kisses and just snuggled her while she slept. THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Tauni’s last blog post..Stress people STRESS!!!!
Rumour Miller says:
Maddie is a gorgeous little girl! How blessed are to share our time with perfect angels. I wish your time was much longer. I have not personally experienced the loss of a child. My sister, however had a son who was born still. He would have been 7 this July and I still mourn his loss (as does she, in a way I do not know).
I just wanted to send you a big hug.
Rumour Miller’s last blog post..(Way Back) Wordless Wednesday
Debi Powell says:
Hi Heather!
You dont know me, and I only know you through your blog. I found you via another blog (Matt Logelin, I dont know him either!) … I am a peds nurse, and even though I have seen many children pass away, it never gets easier. Your story, your Maddie, has touched my heart in so many ways! Her pictures made me laugh… I can SEE her joy so clearly. Once I started looking at them, I couldnt stop!! She was addicting! I would have loved to have been one of her nurses.
Maddie was only here such a short time, but she has touched more people than most will in 80 years. You must be so proud of her.
Your story has encouraged many mommies to hold their babys a little longer, kiss them more often, be more patient, and be better at parenting. Maddie’s life had such purpose… to make you and your husband so happy during her life, and to affect the world after her death in a very important way. Bless you for sharing her with us… so many people love her little life, and love you for sharing her with us. You really inspire us!
I am a Christian, so I believe God knew how many days Maddie would be with you from the moment she was conceived. (He knows all of our days) But He had, and still has, a purpose for her life. Some of us have to be here for many years to make an impact… others only a short time. Her purpose may have been to change us… to make us better… to touch SO many people… and to spread joy even after she’s gone. I also believe she was given a perfect body… one that is not fragile… one that is whole… the moment she entered heaven.
Maddie was a gift to the world…her smile tells people that!
I’m praying for you by name…(and obviously thousands of others are as well!!) for comfort and peace only God can provide during a season of your life that is so very painful. I pray that, in time, your tears will turn into smiles when you think of her precious little life.
Be blessed… after all, YOU were chosen to be Maddies Mommy!
Much love from a stranger… xoxoxoxo
Valerie says:
Reading backwards through your blog… It has made me laugh, cry, and wish I could have met you, Mike, and your precious Maddie in person. What a wonderful gift you’ve given, in the times of your greatest challenges, struggles and grief. You cannot imagine how you have helped others going though what you have experienced, and in that way, your Maddie lives on… All the “right” and “wrong” things people have and will continue to say to you as time passes– Please remember we hold you all in our hearts!!
Much love,
Valerie
Alison says:
I think about you, Mike, Maddie and Rigby everyday. If I could do anything in the world I would bring Maddie back. I don’t know what to say to comfort you, I just don’t know. Maybe just that Maddie made more of an impact in her short life than many people do who live much longer. I, as well as so many others, will remember her forever.
sam p says:
Hi Heather,
Reading of Maddie has me in tears. She seemed an awesome little person. I’m thinking of you and Mike and your families, even if it is all the way from Australia, I hope it reaches you.
I’m so sorry that this has happened.
Sam
Marinka says:
I read your words a lot and Mike’s too and they stay with me. I think about you and Mike and Maddie a lot. You’re all in my heart and prayers.
kelly says:
Heather,
Please don’t feel like you have to get “back to normal” eventually. Your normal will be new and different now. There is nothing wrong with grieving (and sometimes wallowing in sadness) after experiencing such a horrible loss.
My heart and prayers are lifting you and your family up.
You can still miss Maddie forever. It’s okay.
Kirsten says:
Dear Heather and Mike,
I cannot imagine what you are going through, though I’m no newcomer to this kind of pain. There are songs I will never be able to listen to without sobbing. I think of you both every day, and I hope that you have enough strength to be there for each other, grieving together yet in your very own ways. Best wishes to you both.
amy says:
I am so sorry…
Elizabeth says:
Another note from a stranger. I have in my head the last line of your last post–“I want my baby. Oh Maddie! I need you!” & I think I have never read anything better about losing a child. The problem is you NEED her. That’s the thing the screwed-up universe doesn’t understand.
Anyhow, I don’t know you, but I think about you every single day.
And Dre and Snoop are wise indeed.
elismsue says:
Hi Heather,
just wanted to say I am following you, thinking of you and sending hugs. (BTW..those are purple hugs!)
M
Amy Garcia says:
Two posts and I’m still a stranger. But you, Mike and Maddie are still an inspiration. I cannot imagine your pain. And I don’t know what to say, except that I am so so sad for you. And I’m trying to be a better mom because of all of you.
Kristen says:
Thinking of you everyday.
Adventures In Babywearing says:
No need to ever get back to us. We are here for you right now. Just letting us be here is enough. We wish we could do more.
Steph
Lisa says:
My heart is so with you. I have cried many tears for you both and your beautiful Maddie. I pray for you everyday.
andi says:
Like so many others have said, I’m still thinking of you and Mike every day. And I’m still so sorry.
I know that jumping on a plane would never make you forget or change anything, but if you ever need to escape to another country, there’s always an extra bed at my house. An incredibly uncomfortable bed, but still…
Love and hugs. And more love.
jen says:
oh darling. wish getting away would make things easier … but it never does. you kinda step away, hoping that maybe when you get back things will be a bit different, and then step back to exactly the same spot you were at when you left.
i think grief is just kinda one of those things that you need to blanket yourself in. be in the now. no one is worrying about the future or if you have responded to them. i think … just knowing that you are thinking of all of us that are in turn thinking of you … is response enough.
jen’s last blog post..home … and the realization that life isn’t much different than it was when i left.
Jayme Q. says:
When Matt said those words on his blog, they resonated with me in a way that caught me off guard. And they were just as powerful here. No one thing will ever make a difference…. maybe even a lot of things won’t. But I do hope that your pain eases.
Danny says:
Your writing is beautiful. I have read your blog and laughed at the happy times and cried and cried when your beautiful daughter died. But I never commented, feeling somehow (and now I see wrongly) that it would be an intrusion because I don’t “know” you at all. As I was reading your blog last week I never in a trillion years believed that I would so soon be able to understand on such a different level what you are going through. After 24 weeks of a picture-perfect pregnancy my wife inexplicably went into labor three days ago. We rushed to the hospital but it couldn’t be stopped. She delivered our twin boys by emergency C-section. 12 hours later, our Oliver died in our arms. I can’t find words to describe the devastation of that but I know I don’t have to, especially to you. Our other son Charles is one pound 10 ounces and will be at the Cedars NICU for at least three or four months. We are daring to be very hopeful that he will leave here a healthy, happy baby. I am so, so, sorry for your loss and your unfathomable ache.
Danny’s last blog post..The Saddest News
Funsize says:
I hate that you have to experience this, this sadness, the darkness, the despair and pleading with the world to bring your baby back. I hate that you have to see the world on this side of the wall.
((hugs))
Funsize’s last blog post..A Bit Presumptuous
ericakate says:
hi heather & mike,
i have only recently found your blog and have been wanting to post something to you, but do not know what to say…only that i think of the three of you daily and pray for you nightly. maddie is a beautiful girl and i am so sorry for the pain you have to endure. love & itb
rachel cortest says:
Heather,
As much as we all (blog readers who love you and Maddie and her daddy) love to read about how you are doing, I hope that you do not feel any obligation or pressure to write on this blog. Be gentle with yourself. We drove to Arizona a month after my son died and I hugged his monkey all the way there yet we did have good times. I was so numb. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as only one bereaved mother to another can be. Rachel
mandy says:
I think of you, Mike and Maddie daily.
As Maggie said so eloquently, I am here bearing witness too.
mandy’s last blog post..What we’ve been up to…
Cara says:
Heather, I am so sorry for your loss. I know your life will never be the same, and I am sorry that there is nowhere you can go to escape the agony of losing your Maddie. I can only pray that as time goes on, the pain lessens. My prayers and thoughts are with you and Mike.
Cara’s last blog post..Tag, I’m it!
Cynthia says:
Heather,
Your Little Maddie is truly an Angel! Her beautiful smile showed her beautiful soul. It was so apparent that she was and still is loved beyond what anyone could ever comprehend! I think of you, Mike, Rigby and of course, Maddie often and all of you are in my prayers. I came across your blog as an NICU Nurse and a fellow USC Alum, and, along with my 14 year old daughter, looked forward to your updates and watching Maddie’s adorable antics, captivated by those eyes! I know there is nothing that can be said or done to ease the pain you and your family are in, but hopefully you will find some comfort in the fact that Little Maddie continues to touch so many hearts of so many people she didn’t even know in such a short time! Be good to yourself and each other and know that there are many, many arms around you.
Ana says:
You, Mike, and Maddie are contstantly in my thoughts. I can’t imagine how you make it through each day and my heart breaks for you. I don’t know anything about this kind of grief, but I pray everyday that somehow, some way, the pain will lessen. Know that Maddie will not be forgotten.
Marti from Michigan says:
You don’t have to get back to any of us Heather, that would take forever and it’s not necessary. Elderly parents dying and losing a 17 month old baby daughter are far and wide different, but even so, I want to share something I found quite by accident on the internet, after my mom died 2 years ago. I still miss her, even though she was 84 when she died. Dad died 2 years before her, so even though I am an adult and also a gramma, I feel like an orphan. It’s called “Love Never Dies” and I can’t recall the author’s name, but she wrote this after her 16 year old son died, and it has spoken loudly to me:
Love Never Dies (The Gift of Grief)
Death takes away. That’s all there is to it. But, grief gives back. By experiencing it, we are not simply eroded by pain, rather, we become more compassionate, more aware, more able to help others, more able to help ourselves.
Grief is powerful. It plunges us into the depths of sorrow and forces us to face the finiteness of life, the mightiness of death, and the meaning of our existence here on this earth.
It does more than enable us to change; it demands it! The way we change is up to us. It is possible to be forever bowed by grief. It is possible to be so afraid of one aspect of it that we become frozen in place, stuck in sorrow, riveted in resentment or remorse, unable to move on.
But grief is also possible to be enlarged, to find new direction, and to allow the memory of the beloved person who has died, to live on within us…..not as a monument to misery, but as a source of strength, love and inspiration.
By acting on our grief, we can eventually find within ourselves a place of peace and purposefulness. It is my belief that all grievers, no matter how intense their pain, no matter how rough the terrain across which they must travel, can eventually find that pace within their hearts.
May God continue to bless the Spohr family.
Joe @ Irrational Dad says:
Sarah and I went out on a date last week. This was the first time in many months that we were without baby. It felt so… weird… to get in and out of the car without baby and all the bags of diapers, wipes, and so forth in tow. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, just that it felt weird, I guess.
Joe @ Irrational Dad’s last blog post..Sneeze
Jodie Tackett says:
I just wanted to let you know how much of an inspiration you and Mike are. I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks before Maddie got sick. I found it through Matt. I have totally fallen in love with your beautiful Maddie. I am so very sorry for your loss. You should be very proud of the live she lived and the awareness you are raising for the March of Dimes. My oldest daughter was a preemie as well. I have been a walker in the the March of Dimes ever since. I also purchased the Maddie Monster. I plan on putting it away for my daughter Laci. She was born four days after Maddie. I can only image the loss you feel in your heart right now. You have endured more than any parent should. I hope you find comfort in knowing she is in a wonderful place with people you love to care for her until you are reunited. Remember God never gives you more than you can handle and in the end you will see your precious Maddie again. She will be well and greating you with open arms because she knows how much she is loved and missed by you and Mike.
Tara says:
I learned about Maddie, and you, and Mike from my friend Bridget (of the Ivey League). This is the first time I’ve made it to your blog….I don’t yet have children, so I can’t possibly imagine what you and your family are going through, but my heart goes out to you. I wish you all peace.
wendy thomas says:
When I lost my baby at 5 months into my pregnancy (her name was Elizabeth, at 3 months we have an ultrasound picture of her sucking her thumb – she was my third child) I found comfort when someone told me that the the younger a person dies, the greater the lesson they had to teach us. Maddie has taught so many. It is still heartbreaking, though, every day is another fresh tear into a gaping wound. But someday, trust me, not today, probably not tomorrow but someday you will be able to laugh again.
wendy thomas’s last blog post..Lame Goose – Wonderful Outdoor Game for Children
Meg says:
Just delurking to let you know I’m still here and still thinking of you daily. Hang in there. Really. And thanks for sharing the photos of Maddie. Oh, what an infectious smile!
I am overwhelmed at how the world rallied to support the March of Dimes in Maddie’s name. What a tribute.
Meg’s last blog post..Wild Kingdom
patois says:
Please don’t think about getting back to everyone. Don’t put that on yourself. If you do get to everyone, you do. If you don’t, that’s okay. I continue to hold you all in my prayers.
patois’s last blog post..The Weekly Wonderings #106
Julie says:
I am so very sorry for your loss. You, your family, and your precious daughter have been on my mind ever since I heard of your story and my heart hurts for you.
This is totally cliche (and hopefully not inappropriate), but I keep thinking of the movie Sleepless in Seattle when Tom Hank’s character says the following:
“Well, I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out… and, then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.”
You are stronger than I could ever be and you remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Eunice Sarmet says:
I lost my husband when I was 22 y old in a car crash. We had an awesome marriage. Although my baby girl Joana stay with me, I lost many years from my youth. When I read your blog nowadays I feel your pain and sorrow as mine. Now, I have a grand daughter- Isadora ( 2 y old) and she is cute, full of life as your grand father. I want my time back to enjoy my gift…
You, your husband and Maddie are always in my thoughts.
Congrats, you have such a wonderful daughter!
My native language is Portuguese and I hope I could write well.
Regards and love,
fab4fan5 says:
I will dedicate ‘The next episode ‘by Dre dre and snoop dog for Lil soldier girl Maddy at you tube
Lee2525 says:
Thank you thank you thank you for letting me know Maddie through this blog! She is permenantly and completely etched in my heart.
Get Pregnant says:
It is just like a stuck…