It is a weird and different experience for me to have so much of my support group also dealing with the same sadness I have. This is what it felt like for them when Maddie passed away. I miss the days when we were connected by crushes and classes instead of heartbreak and grief.

I am falling to the routines of every day. Actually, the only thing “routine” about our every day is our bedtime ritual (wash hands, face, brush teeth, change diaper, brush hair, read a story, sing a song, crib time). The rest of the time, Annabel is maddeningly, wonderfully unpredictable. Some days she wakes at seven am ready for the day, other mornings I have to literally pull her out of bed at eleven am. She’ll change her clothes four times before breakfast, or she’ll scream if I even think about removing her princess dress for something more practical.

I love this girl

She lives in the moment. That seems so amazingly lucky. All she cares about is what she is experiencing right this very minute – what she’s eating, wearing, touching. How her voice sounds or what her reflection is doing. There is no worry about what will happen next; there is only NOW.

Sometimes I really wish I could be as innocently self-centered as my two-year-old. I would love to throw a tantrum and then get sent to my room for an hour. Being an adult sucks sometimes.

Look Mama! Annie funny!

Annie walked into my office with a scarf wrapped around her and said, “Look, Mama! Annie funny.” In that moment, she wanted me to laugh, and I did. I could definitely use more of these moments.