Jackie did not want a funeral, so today we had a big party, just like she wanted. A celebration. It was at a winery at the top of a hill, not far from where she grew up, with the most gorgeous view of the valley below.
We wore our brightest clothes and our tallest shoes, because Jackie said good shoes were worth the bloody feet. I’ve never really subscribed to this theory, which is why most of my shoes are flip-flops.
Everything was beautiful. Her parents both spoke, as did her brother and both of her sisters, and their words were gorgeous, touching, and funny. I was honored to speak about Jackie’s time at USC. I’ve written thousands of words about Jackie but I really struggled with this. I rewrote it a dozen times. It was so hard. I hope I did her proud.
After the speeches there was a slide show, and then it was party time. We told stories and laughed. There were tears, but not from me. I wanted to cry, but I felt wrung out. I didn’t cry at Maddie’s funeral, either. I just couldn’t.
But now that I sit here in a bed that’s not mine, with Annie snoring next to me, I am so tired. I haven’t slept in weeks. But maybe tonight I finally will.