I’ve looked at this photo A LOT this week. It was taken less than a month after Jackie’s brain tumor was discovered. Things were moving fast and there was a tremendously scary path in front of her. I know I personally would have been curled up in a ball. But that wasn’t Jackie.
To prep for her brain surgery a week later, she decided to cut her hair. She didn’t have to – her surgery was on the top front of her head, so she could have let the nurses shave off only what was necessary. But again, that wasn’t Jackie.
She invited sixty of her closest friends to come to a hair cutting party, and we all cheered and laughed and smiled and tried not to cry as we watched her transform into another version of herself – a version more strong and beautiful than I ever could have imagined.
When I see this photo, I don’t see her transitioning into “Sick Jackie,” (as she once described it to me), but instead the emergence of an amazing, strong, kickass woman who wasn’t going to let terrible circumstance dictate the way she was going to live. And for the rest of her life, she never did. She traveled, she drank champagne, she laughed, she hugged, she experienced.
For those of us who knew her before she was diagnosed, we weren’t surprised, because Jackie was always one of the good ones (one of the BEST ones). She was always there for her friends with a laugh, or tissues, or a VHS, or the answers to a homework assignment. Cancer didn’t change her. Her thoughts and worries were for the ones she loved, always.
Today Jackie would have turned 38. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about her, but days like today are when the hurt is a little sharper. I can imagine EXACTLY what texts we would have exchanged this week. She would also be SO annoyed that I just wrote six paragraphs about her because she didn’t want to be an inspiration, she just wanted to be alive.
Happy birthday to awe-inspiring Jackie. To paraphrase Alexander Hamilton, you are the best of friends and best of women.
Allison says:
Your Jackie and I share the same birthday, same day, same year. I think of her every year. Thanks for sharing your friendship.
Kay says:
It has to be so difficult for you, Heather. The only consolation I can even think of is that you were so fortunate to have had her in your life. People like her don’t come around many times in life and she is to be treasured. HUGS for all…..Kay
amourningmom says:
What a great picture of Jackie – thank you for sharing it. I am so glad that you write about her even though I would much rather that Jackie was here this week so you could text with her. Birthdays are hard. What an emotionally exhausting week this has been for you. I hope you are able to get some rest. Sending hope, hugs, love and light. xo
P.S. Sawyer would/should have been 7 later this week. I am going to try to follow your example and celebrate as best I can. Thank you.
Lindsay says:
“She didn’t want to be an inspiration, she just wanted to be alive.” Ugh. Isn’t that the truth about all loss and tragedy.
A dear friend of mine has inspired me to no end this year while facing something unfair and horrific. She has taught me about what love means in a way that has made my heart almost burst at times. But she never should have had to face the event in the first place.
Life can be so horribly unfair.
Laura says:
My dad had a brain tumor removed on 10/26 and we’ve since learned he’s in for a fight against GBM. It has been the craziest (almost) 3 weeks trying to help him find the best doctors to stand beside him as he fights. I hope and pray that he will continue to LIVE like Jackie did as he FIGHTS as she did. She may not have wanted to be an inspiration, but through her actions, she has been.
Stephanie B. says:
Hugs to you, Heather.
Jerilynn says:
Beautiful post for a beautiful lady. Heather, I am so sorry this month has been yet another sucker punch in the gut for you on so many levels. I’m thinking of you constantly-so many of us are. Sending love and positive energy to buoy you through this painful month.
Auntie_M says:
What an amazing, inspirational woman Jackie IS….because of dear friends like you, her inspiration will always live on. She truly embraced life the way we all should. Thank you for sharing little snippets of your Jackie with us. ?
Jeanie says:
Happy birthday, Jackie! A lot of people are thinking of you today.
Rita A says:
Happy Birthday Jackie! I hope you had THE finest champagne in heaven… F.U. Cancer!!!!
Giselle says:
We will never forget Jackie! Her positive energy and love of life is contagious, even through stories on the internet. You are lucky to have had her be a part of your life. Just like she was lucky to you. It’s not fair. She left too soon. She would’ve been the BEST aunt to Annie and James.