On my last post, I received a comment asking me my thoughts on surrogacy and adoption. I started a reply and a bajillion words later I figured it would probably be better suited as a post because I would love for people with experience in these areas to help educate me. My thoughts about surrogacy and adoption are complicated.
Surrogacy sounds cool in concept, but I have to start by saying I have done almost no research on it. The costs immediately make it undesirable for me. But even if money were no object, I would have a hard time with it. I honestly do not think I could handle having no control. At least when I am pregnant, I can control what I eat, my habits, etc. I wouldn’t be able to do that to another adult and I would probably go insane.
But then let’s say I wasn’t a control freak about it. I mean, I wouldn’t be pregnant, I could take all the anxiety drugs I wanted, right? Then there’s the issue of traditional vs gestational surrogacy. If gestational were a good option for us (health-wise, etc), that would be cool. But if not, I think I would rather take the money that a traditional surrogacy would require and put it toward adoption.
And, of course, there’s no guarantee that surrogacy would work. I have more friends who have miscarried than haven’t.
Adoption is something that Mike and I briefly talked about way back when we were dating. But I don’t know much about it, either, because I am overwhelmed by it. There are so many ways to do it, and I don’t know what is best. I don’t think I could handle foster-to-adopt. I think the possibility that we could have a child placed with us only to have him/her leave would wreck me after everything we went through with Maddie. I know that’s only one of the possible ways to adopt, though.
Adoption also has a cost, and risk, and a LOT of waiting. It’s a huge thing, and it’s something that I think Mike and I have to discuss in depth, without being overly emotional (or hormonal). But I wouldn’t even know where to start with the whole process.
When I think about it all, though, I feel hypocritical. I am obviously willing to go through a lot, and risk a lot, to have another child, so why should the obstacles and risks of surrogacy or adoption stop me? I’m hoping that when I learn more about them, they won’t seem insurmountable.