Yesterday was slightly better.
I changed my plans for the day, and tried to focus on the good things.
I took lots of naps and got in lots of snuggles with my baby and my dog.
We had tickets to see Paul McCartney at the Hollywood Bowl. I didn’t really want to go…I just wanted to stay huddled on my safe couch under blankets with my snuggle buddies.
But, going to the concert was important to Mike. Plus, he promised there would be some of my favorite thing.
My parents and cousin came over to watch Annabel, and Mike and I had a proper date that even included dinner before the concert.
We tried to talk about adult things, but we mostly talked about our daughters. And then the show started.
It was great. It was McCartney concert number two for me, and the dozenth for Mike (Über Fan). We had a good time. And there were fireworks!
I didn’t sing along to the songs (except for when Sir Paul himself demanded it) so Mike didn’t get mad at me. Mike takes his concerts Very Seriously.
The boy next to me didn’t get the memo that people who sing along are the bane of Mike’s existence. It might make Mike crazy when I sing along, but at least I sing well. Unlike, say, the boy next to me.
As we walked back to our car after the concert, we talked about how we sing Beatles songs to both of our girls. Mike said that he hoped in a few years he’d be carrying a tired Annabel to the car after a concert like this one. And then we were both silent, because we are afraid to hope for those moments. Afraid to discuss a future that we know can change in the blink of an eye.
When we got home, I snuggled back up with my Annabel. The hurt in my past has made me afraid of my future, but I can cuddle with my present and drift into sleep.