Over the course of the last ten days I spent five in New Orleans and five in Los Angeles with my toddler. I know you’re thinking, “Heather, you’re a mom now and you’re like, super old. How could you possibly survive in a party town like New Orleans?”
Well, let me tell you friends. It was easy, because hanging with a toddler is exactly like being around drunk people. Don’t believe me? Take a look at some of the things I’ve witnessed over the last ten days and ask yourself:
Was it a drunkard or Annie who…
– staggered down the street, screaming and belligerent?
– lifted her shirt, exposing her chest?
– vomited unexpectedly?
– threw a fit when her bottle was empty?
– started dancing at the first hint of music (even when no one else could hear it)?
– babbled incoherently for hours at a time?
– fell five times in one minute?
– spilled dinner all over her clothes?
– stayed up all night?
– broke into tears for no reason?
– suddenly laid down on the ground and fell asleep?
– got picked up by older men?
If you answered “drunkard” to all of those questions, you are right! And if you answered “Annie” to all of those questions, you are also right! And if you answered with the hidden secret third option of “Heather” you are right for several of the questions. But only I know which ones!
Don’t worry dad, it wasn’t question two. I totally had a bra on.
You guys have got to stop eating at Appleby’s!
As long as you had fun………that’s all that matters, in my books any anyways!
My question….How many beads did you come home with?
Totally off topic but I can’t help but think of you every time I see the new Sun Drop commercial! I know she doesn’t really look like you but it makes it even funnier. Until the end when she makes that crazy face
OMG! This is so funny that you posted this! Even though I don’t know Heather, she seems so fun and funny that every single time I see the commercial I think of her!
I agree!!! I think of her everytime I see it even though I don’t know her. But Heather seems like so much fun and she’s hilarious so I think that’s why the commercial reminds me of her.
That is why Annie will fit in at Mardi Gras. Time will tell if you do!
Does Annie get beads when she lifts her shirt? Beads are always an added bonus (for drunks and Annie :-)). Take care.
Love the list — hilarious. I hope Annie at least got some beads to show for her efforts.
what Greis said!
Kristin (MamaKK922) says:
I LOVE this, I always used to compare my toddlers to little drunks, because they totally were just like drunks!
Marnie * says:
This is HILARIOUS!! Seriously funny.
I know this is besides the point Heather, but this entry reminds me of a questions I have been meaning to ask you. Has anyone told you lately you look a lot like the lady from that new soda commercial? The one that is dancing all over the place to drop it like its hot???
Based on this post, I think you would love this video!
P.S. I love reading your blog, even when it makes me cry. Keep up the good work!
Amanda M. says:
I’ve always operated under the theory that booze is a fountain of youth. The more you drink, the younger you become, until you’re rolling around on the floor, weeping into your own bodily fluids. You just live with a tiny heavy drinker.
I like to drink until I’m about 11. That was a good age.
So true, and so funny.
Sounds like fun! OR How adorable!
This is funny and clever.
Jodie Brooks says:
LOL!! THAT’S HILARIOUS!!!
Love this post It may be my all time favorite!!! You are so funny!
LMAO! LOVE THIS! =D