We had a great time last week at Great Wolf Lodge. One of the things I particularly enjoyed was seeing Annie get a bit more adventurous when it came to trying activities that she’d deemed “too scary” in the past. Mike and I really like going on the big water slides, but Annie is afraid of them and James is (unfortunately for him), an inch too short. But during this trip, she was willing to try something I had been dying to go on ever since we visited Great Wolf Lodge last year: The FlowRider.
The FlowRider is an “indoor surf simulator” that lets riders body board on an endless wave. It looked like SO much fun, and when Annie said she wanted to go on it, I immediately grabbed her and got in line. I didn’t want her to change her mind!
Since I was at the top of the simulator, I didn’t have a very good view of her. Luckily, Mike was at the bottom snapping pictures. She did amazing!
After she’d been body boarding for a few minutes, it was my turn. We got to ride next to each other, which was really cool.
Honestly, it was just as much fun as I hoped it would be.
But then…then I got cocky. I’d watched lots of people (kids AND adults) hop up onto their knees on the board, and I thought, “I used to surf! I can do that!” And so I tried. I got up on my knees, but then the board turned sideways. With the water pushing my board from the front instead of from behind like in surfing, I immediately lost control and wiped out.
And my bottoms came off.
If abject panic burned calories, I would have instantly been at my goal weight. There I was, tumbling through water that felt like it was being shot out of a cannon, with my bathing suit bottoms tangled around my knees, and, oh yeah, I was surrounded by children.
I started fumbling for my bottoms, and managed to keep them from going past my knees, THANK GOODNESS. But they were all twisted-up, and anyone who has taken off their bathing suit bottoms to go to the bathroom knows how hard it is to pull the damn things back up, let alone twisted board-short-style bottoms that have jet streams of water pushing them in the opposite direction.
When the water stopped pushing me at the top, I yanked on my bathing suit with all of my might and managed to cover up my, ahem, special areas. As soon as I righted myself, I looked at the line of people waiting to go on the simulator…and none of them would make eye contact with me.
There was a time in my life where something like this would have had me running for the exit. But I’d waited too long to go on this simulator and I still had two more turns left. So I just laughed and jumped back on the board. Yeah, all these people just saw my white ass, but who cares?
Well, Mike cared. He thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. And, remember how he’d been taking pictures? Well, he just so happened to be filming when I wiped out.
There they goooooooo!
And that is why I am never allowed back at Great Wolf Lodge.
Ha ha, just kidding. But I don’t know if I’ll go on FlowRider again…at least, not in a two-piece suit.
Jana L Frerichs says:
O.M.G. You have me dying laughing! I’m glad you just got back on and kept riding! There’s a lesson for the kids, sometimes you lose your swimming suit, but you just get up, pull it back up, and keep going! Thanks for the laugh!
I’m CRYING tears of laughter. I’m sorry! Love your attitude. And I like how Mike slowly pans away from you, like NBD, she totally ate it, I’m gonna focus over on my kid now.
We are headed to Great Wolf next week. One piece it is…
A water park near us has the FlowRider (which, incidentally, I’ve thought since we were there would be a killer name for a feminine hygiene product) and I too have experienced the power of the jets… I had the front of my bottoms pulled down, but fortunately didn’t completely lose them – I also stayed facing down, so was able to pull them up before standing up. Good times.
Oh my gosh, that is hysterical! I am so sorry that that happened to you! You are so brave to have gone back on!!
Ok, this is making me rethink my no one piece policy (can never find one that accommodates a really large chest :/).
OMG – I just … OMG. I had clicked over imagining a story like one of my own (don’t wear a bikini top while water skiing) but this is somehow more mortifying. I think it’s the pack of onlookers? Or that your husband KEPT RECORDING IT? LOL I can’t stop laughing and mentally crossing FlowRider (isn’t he a rapper?) off my list for good.
Lee Winemiller Cockrum says:
I’m impressed that you didn’t take on water getting flipped like that! And good for you going back at it!
I lost my bottoms once tubing on the Puget Sound when I was like 15. I fell off and they ended up around my calves. Thankfully the water was deep and dark and the boat had to turn around to pick me up but I was mortified.
Another time my top going got pulled all the way down as i was going down a water slide.
So I’m sure it happens at these places A LOT. Especially considering how impractical lots of bathing suits are nowadays (off the shoulder swimsuits just seems like an accident waiting to happen in my opinion).
Oops that was me laughing and reading it to my 15 yr old son
I died laughing. Thanks for the laughs. Looks like fun!!!
I am still giggling. Sorry but your description practically had me on the floor.
Between your top coming off while getting your nails done and then bottoms….just go for it and streak! LOL!
WHAT? I missed that story.
You have a good memory, LOL!!!
lol-You just make me laugh that much!
Oh.mahgosh. And your video has, as of now, 1,300 view on YouTube. :-| Poor you; LOL! :,-)
OMG, I love how you circled the kids – it totally made me think: “what a great Modern Family episode this would make!”
In all seriousness, the FlowRider looks like so much fun but scaredy-cat me, I’d never be courageous enough to get on it.
Sitting at work…trying NOT to laugh out loud, but I can’t stop giggling. That’s priceless!
You have me laughing out loud! But, seriously, way to take a hugely embarrassing situation and turn it around! If Annie knows what happened, you’ve probably made a great impression on her. When stuff like that happens, you can go running off in a corner or shrug it off. Thanks for sharing; embarrassing things happen to the best of us!
Barbi Emel says:
Well my co-workers probably think I’m nuts, I’m busting right now, go mom!
I am choking and can’t breathe I am laughing so hard! Thank you for that – needed it today! Hahahahahaha! Hopefully the reason those people didn’t make eye contact with you wasn’t because they were busy pushing send on the video of you they recorded lol!
Man, this was the best laugh I’ve had in a while. I’m sorry that happened to you but LMAO!!
Rita A. says:
I lost it on this entry’s title.. and like ur bottoms it was all down hill from there. LOL Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that!! You made my day so much brighter.
Hilarious, this story just made my day, week, month….
Hahahaha! I would have drowned myself from embarrassment so I wouldn’t have had to face all those people. Proud of Annie for going on the ride. It does look scary.
I am crying I am laughing so hard and I just put on mascara! Thank you for making my day with this.
Auntie Mip says:
I can’t breath!
Oh God I have not laughed this hard since, well, since before the effing election. Thanks Heather for giving me my spark back!
Crying laughing. The blinding tears!!! OMG!!!
Handled like a boss
Hahahaha, oh man, this is awesome. Same thing happened to my dad at Wet ‘n Wild in Florida sometime in the 80s
This is like the best thing I have ever read in my entire life… ever!
LOL, so funny and so happy you had a great time
Happened to me too