Rigby has been a city dog her whole life. Our old apartment didn’t have windows that looked out onto “nature,” so she rarely saw birds. Now she sees them out our bedroom window every day and loses her freaking doggy mind. We are constantly saying stuff like, “Rigby they are just birds! Chill out! STOP BARKING OMG!” One of Annie’s favorite books is about birds, and last week she suddenly made the connection that Rigby’s barking means Rigby wants to hurt the birds. This makes Annie lose her freaking toddler mind all, “WIGBY! NO BARKING! NO BIRDIES! NOOOOOO!” It’s just so much loudness, all the time.
Last night Mike and I were sitting on the couch doing…well, I don’t know what he was doing, I had an Us Weekly so I was pretty focused. Anyway, he suddenly goes, “What’s that, is that a moth?” I managed to tear my eyes away from the magazine in time to see a pretty gigantic moth fly from the kitchen into the family room. Mike was chasing it, waving a dish towel. I’ll give you a moment to snicker at that visual. “I have to kill it, it’s gross,” he said as he fanned the moth with a cool breeze.
I’m not afraid of moths, but I didn’t need one flapping around its giant wings, leaving moth dust everywhere. I already have a hard enough time keeping up with the regular dust around here. Plus this one time I watched a TV show about people who inhale bugs and it was disturbing. So what I’m saying is, I was on board with Operation Moth Removal. That’s when Annabel joined us from the playroom. She saw the moth and yelled, “BIRDY!”
Mike was literally in the process of throwing plastic balls at the moth when she yelled this. Everything went all slow-motion as I watched the ball leave Mike’s fingers on a collision course for the moth (which I’d named Carol Anne because it kept flying into the lights and if you get that joke you are my new boyfriend). As the ball hit the moth, Annie screamed in a very low-pitched voice (because it was slow mo, duh), “NOOOOOooooooooo!”
The moth was clearly some kind of mutant, though, because while it stumbled, it did NOT fall. It did drop like 80 metric tons of dust DAMN IT, but it kept flying into the ceiling lights like a moron. I started comforting Annie. “Look Annie, the birdy, I MEAN the moth is fine! See, it’s still up there flapping its gross moth wings, flappy flappy!” Meanwhile, Mike had grabbed his old standby, the kitchen towel, and was fanning the moth and Rigby was barking. Everything was awesome.
After an embarrassing amount of time, Mike and I finally realized we should turn off the lights in the family room and turn ON the lights near the door to the back yard. The moth, sensing victory, flew down to a low spot on the wall. I yelled, “SMASH IT!” and Annie screamed, “NO SMASH BIRDY!” Mike grabbed a random party hat from Annie’s birthday and trapped the moth, then carefully carried it to the back door and let it go…only to have the moth immediately fly back into the house.
I started cursing Carol Anne while Annie cheered, “yay birdy!” and Mike started fanning the moth with the party hat. Finally, after we turned off all the lights in the house and turned ON all the lights in the back yard, the moth flew out the door and into freedom. Annie immediately burst into tears. “Oh no! Where birdy go?” We explained that the moth had to go home to its mommy. Annie was unconvinced. When we put her to bed a few minutes later, she said, “Mama…birdie go see mama? Come back?” I said, “Annie, the moth is probably on the other side of your window.” Mike was horrified but Annie looked at the window and said, “Night night birdie!”
I’m sleeping with a surgical mask on. You never can be too careful.
Oh I deeply laughed at this. Omg.
You guys could never live in Australia. If Annie saw the size of one of our moths? She would say, “A pterodactyl!”
(As soon as she could pronounce four-syllable words.)
Poltergeist reference! Can I be your new boyfriend now?
I’m totally your new boyfriend.
Carol Anne – bwahahahaha!
Their BAAAAAACK lol you totally just made my day
Momma Lioness Michele says:
“It’s just so much loudness, all the time.” You summed up life with a toddler beautifully in that one sentence.
This post was hilarious!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You had me at “looses his freaking doggy mind”!!!
OMG, Carol Anne of Poltergeist – loved, loved, loved that reference! Crazy-ass movie that I thoroughly enjoyed as a teenager.
Those moths really are hard to get out the door – stubborn suckers that they are! Nice fan work on your husband’s part.
Please tell me you called her Carol Anne in your best Tangina voice…
When you are ready for a new career, I recommend stand-up comedy!! You are sooooo funny!
My favorite ‘bug’ story from when my kids were young: I HATE roaches (any bugs, for that matter) so when my kids would see a roach, rarely thank god but they were usually BIG, my first reactions would be to scream “is it alive???” (since we have an exterminator) so apparently my littlest thought the word for bug was “live” so when he got old enough to speak, every time he would see a bug, he would start pointing at it and screaming “LIVE, LIVE!!!!” (sounded more like LIE, actually) — aren’t kids wonderful??!!
What a wonderful laugh to start off my day. LOL!
But you are braver than me. I would have been the terrible mom that abandoned the little one, dog & hubby for the safety of the closed bathroom door the instant that monster was spotted until informed the coast was clear.
Hi, new boyfriend here. This post had me laughing so hard. Ah, kids. Birds (and moths) everywhere thank Annie for being their staunch defender from all things dog, dishtowel, and party hat.
I just watched “Poltergeist” this weekend… Not so scary anymore, but whatever. Funny post – i don’t like moths flying around, but that’s why I have cats =)
OMG..lol. Not ten minutes ago, Carter just came running into the living room…terrified..there was a moth in his room. Gasp…what to do. He wanted to watch his cartoons in here now! This is the kid going off of ramps on a dirt bike…being run out of his own space by a tiny moth. Funny I should come over here and you are posting about a moth as well.
Literally tears! Absolutely freaking hilarious!
I love how you make the mundane hysterical. You have a gift.
funniest. story. ever! Seriously, hysterical! And Annie is such a sweetheart – night night birdie!
Nice Poltergeist reference!
That was an awesome story, it has movie scene from a rom-com written all over it!
Robin Wyatt says:
I love Poltergeist and my office thinks I am crazy for laughing out loud! Thank you! for the laughter!
My in-laws had a bat in their house (yes, belfry jokes galore in that one.) The cathedral ceilings made for a lot of fun trying to get it out. My mom also go a bat in her house. She clobbered it mid-air with a frying pan, scoop it up with said frying pan and threw the bat out the front door. Not bad for an 82 year old woman. And yes, she replaced the frying pan.
i am alos your new boyfriend – one of my favorite things to do i scream “WHAT”S HAPPENING!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs like the older sister in Poltergeist – have to say it so often fits!
Diane B. says:
Next giant bug/moth that comes into my house is now going to be named Carol Anne. We have those nasty old fluorescent lights in the kitchen with the wonky plastic sheets. Do you know how hard it is to properly smack a bug/moth when they land on those? That alone is reason enough to replace them.
HA my parents have those lights! Those stupid plastic sheets MOVE!
“CROSS OVER CHILDREN. ALL ARE WELCOME. ALL WELCOME. GO INTO THE LIGHT. THERE IS PEACE AND SERENITY IN THE LIGHT.”
Now I have to go get myself a surgical mask because I think I might have seen that TV show too.
Only in Louisiana ~ documenting the adventures of life! says:
How you ever got her to sleep after that ~I will never know…I can relate, I never let my parents kill anything! My nickname was “Set it free”! I am still that way and carry anything that crawls or wiggles out of the house in a cup! Annie and I would get along just fine!
Carol Anne…good one.
Our goofy dog stalks bugs and barks at them CONSTANTLY. If there is a spider on the wall he will watch (and growl at) it ALL. NIGHT. LONG. until one of us gets rid of it.
Ha ha ha – Loved the whole “GO TO THE LIFE CAROL-ANNE”!!! Funny how something sooo simple can be so complicated!! ha ha ha NOW…..ON TO THE NEXT ADVENTURE!!!
I can totally picture this happening, and can’t stop laughing, sorry! It was nice of Mike to keep the moth cool, I’m sure flying into lights, ceilings and walls, gets exhausting!
Jessica Makuh says:
This was so funny! It sounds like something that would happen at our house.
This was so awesome. Thank you.
My moms name was Carol Ann. I would fallow her around whispering in a high pitched voice “dont go into the light” she loved me.
Dawn @What's Around the Next Bend? says:
Wow. That was TOTAL awesomeness!
…and I think Mike might get jealous of all of your new boyfriends
That Poltergeist reference was enough to make my day. Thank you for that. haha
Look into the liiiiiiight…
Brilliant. And hilarious.
Please, please, PLEASE install a 24-hour webcam in your kitchen! lol Loved this!
ha ha ha!! this story is full of epic awesomeness. bless Annie!
It’s not fair to make a pregnant woman laugh that hard. I think I peed my pants a little while reading this post. BWAH!
I love you. So much. Every single day.