Here are three facts about me: I’m competitive, I love Halloween, and I’ve never had an ice cream headache. Only two of those things are relevant to the big event looming: Halloween in our new neighborhood. I want to be the best house on the street.
Mike knows this, and has worked hard to keep me in check. Last week we were at Party City and they had a life-sized, talking SINGING Freddy Krueger robot. AND IT WAS ON SALE! Sure, it was still $120, but that’s practically giving it away. Mike didn’t agree though, and even though I told him it would make us the coolest house on the street, he wouldn’t let me buy it. He said something about having a mortgage to pay and not needing to spend money on frivolous items. His priorities are messed up.
When I was growing up my brother and I used to transform the front of my parents’ house into a haunted house. We had tombstones, dry ice, skeletons that jumped out at you, a whole bunch of fun stuff. I would love to do that again someday…but Annabel is a little too destructive to allow me the luxury of setting up weeks in advance. My current decorations of a grave on my front lawn and hanging spiders on my porch will have to suffice.
So I figure that my real chance to be the best house on the block lies in what I give out to the trick or treaters. I am assuming we’ll get a fair amount of trick or treaters, so I am going to stock up accordingly. On chocolate. Always on chocolate. But I want to go the extra mile. I’m thinking tiny toys. I can get those glow-stick-bracelet things for super cheap – like 25 for a dollar. This is brilliant, right? Because what kid doesn’t love glowing crap to go along with their free candy? No small pieces, so no choking hazards, and the glow sticks will make the kids more visible to cars. It’s like I am the only person trying to make this neighborhood safe.
Shhh, don’t tell Mike, he’s a buzz-kill. I am just going to buy the bracelets and hand them out while he takes Annie trick or treating. He’ll see other little kids with glow sticks and think, “What a great idea! I wish I had ideas like that.” Then, when he comes home and tells me about the smart house handing out the glow bracelets, I’ll smile and say, “Actually, that house is me. I had the great idea. You can bow down now.” He won’t be able to take it back.
This plan is fool-proof.