Annabel has started telling us with regularity when she needs a new diaper. It’s usually something like, “Mama! Annie diaper wiper!” Or “Mama! Annie poop!” (sidebar, is the third-person thing a normal toddler habit, or is this some effed-up Elmo influence? Discuss.) I usually reply, “Awesome, baby! Go tell daddy.” I like this new development because she tells us immediately after she poops, which is so much more preferable to discovering it AFTER she’s ran her stink-bomb all over my house.

Although, it really messes with my Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell approach to diaper changing – don’t ask her if she’s pooped, don’t tell my husband I can smell it. Whoever smells it deals with it!

Anyway, yesterday I was at Target and I went to the diaper section to restock. As I wheeled my cart out of the baby section I passed the toddler potties. I shouldn’t have stopped…but I did. I was sucked in (no pun intended) by this sparkly beauty:

Y’all are gazing at the Princess Potty 4000. Let me hit you with its specs:

~It’s a Potty/Toilet Seat/Step Stool (three in one, homies!)
~Manufacturer’s Suggested Age: 1 Month and Up (I should have bought this MONTHS ago)
~It plays FOUR ROYAL TUNES as a reward (I’m really hoping it plays songs by Queen!)
~Maximum Weight Capacity: 200 pounds (I CAN USE IT, TOO!)

So I bought it because DUH! Did you NOT just read those specs? Now my house has THREE toilets. Easiest home upgrade ever!

When I got home I showed it to Annie and said, “Annabel, do you know what this is?” And she replied, “Chair!” “Not just any chair, Annabel! It is a royal potty throne for you to do your royal…potty…things! You are practically Kate Middleton now!” and she looked at me like she totally understood what I meant.

I pulled the potty out of the box and put it on the ground. Annie immediately sat on it…and nothing happened, because apparently the royal tunes are only activated by…waste. Ew.

But she liked the potty:

testing out the potty, as you do.

While she sat there, we had a frank discussion about understanding the signals our bodies give us, where I used important medical words like Poo-Poo and Pee-Pee.

Rigby came over at one point and she clearly had strong opinions.

She was like, “Wait, I have to go to the bathroom outside, but she can go to the bathroom in the kitchen?!”

For the rest of the afternoon Annie would walk into the kitchen and sit on the Princess Potty 4000. Practice was going great until I got up at one point and started to leave the room.

“Mama, where you going?”

“I’m going to the bathroom, honey, I’ll be right back.”

“NO Mama. Come ‘ere!”

She stood up, and pointed to the Princess Potty 4000. “Mama potty.”

I looked at her.

She looked at me.

I went over and sat on the potty.

I glanced over at Mike sitting on the couch.”Don’t worry, Mike. I’m just practicing.” For some reason, he wouldn’t look me in the eye.

When I was “done,” I stood up and Annie clapped and cheered.

It was my best potty experience ever. Thank you Princess Potty 4000!!!