The weather in Los Angeles has been so crazy-hot for the last week that our power company has been doing rolling blackouts and temporary air conditioner shut downs to conserve energy. Our A/C has been shut off a few times and the temperature inside our house has just been disgusting as a result.

It was 90 inside my house.

90 degrees INSIDE THE HOUSE.

Yesterday when Mike got home from work I was like, “I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE LET’S ALL GO TO DINNER.” It was 7:30, which was pushing it for the kids, but I figured if either of them started acting tired we could get our food to go. We went to our favorite sushi place, and luckily the kids were absolutely fine for all of dinner.

While Mike and Annie chatted about their days, a woman making her way from the bathroom to the sushi bar directly in front of me caught my eye. I noticed at first that she was wearing a sun dress that had a high/low hem, and that, strangely, her low hem was in the front. “That’s different,” I thought as my eye traveled up her dress, settling on her back…where I realized you could see the dress’s sewn-in bra cups resting on her shoulder blades.

“Oh my gosh, Mike!” I hissed, “That woman’s dress is on backwards!”

“How can you tell?” Mike asked. The woman was behind him, out of his line of vision.

Just then, the woman turned her body and that’s when I saw that I was a) very right, because b) her bra was completely exposed and hanging out of her dress. The dress literally didn’t even cover her underwire.

“Mike! I have to tell her!”

Mike shifted in his seat just enough to see who I was talking about. “No. Someone in her group will tell her.”

The table in front of the woman and her friends had wine glasses, empty beer mugs, and sake cups…and they were all very, very loud. Still, I really wanted to tell her.

To distract me, Mike started engaging me in speculation as to why her dress was on backwards. The best we could come up with is that she’d gone to the bathroom and didn’t want her high/low hem to get in the way, so she took it off. Sounds weird but I once had a coworker who had to completely undress when he needed to, um, sit down to use the bathroom, if you know what I mean. I knew way too much about him.

I kept my attention on our table but every now and then the woman and her friends would be loud and everyone in our area would look up. I couldn’t help but notice that the sushi chefs in front of the woman looked intensely uncomfortable. I felt bad for them…they didn’t know where to look.

At one point Mike took James to get a new diaper and while they were gone, a table of women were seated directly next to us. The woman sitting closest to me saw Backwards Dress Lady and her eyes almost fell out of her head. She made eye contact with me and said, “Is her dress…” “YES.” I said. Then Annabel piped up, “Mommy! I can see her boobs!” The table of women next to us almost came unglued.

So at this point, I know what you’re thinking: Pictures or it’s not true. Well, I did take a couple pictures, but I’m not going to post them because that doesn’t feel right. So instead I am going to give you my dramatic reenactment. I don’t own a high/low hem dress so this is, of course, just a tribute.

drunk lady
I am wearing a tank top under this dress because sorry, no boobs for you.

A dramatic reenactment
All about that bass.

I told myself that if no one told the woman about her dress by the time she was leaving, I would tell her. Unfortunately, it looked like our meal was going to end first. We paid and Mike took the kids to the front of the restaurant while I went to the bathroom. When I left the ladies’ room, I saw that the Backwards Dress Lady was standing alone at her table. A quick scan told me the rest of her party was making their way out the door. Perfect! I started to walk towards her but stopped when I realized she was walking along the perimeter of her table, finishing off her friends’ drinks.

Something in my brain finally was like, “Nope! Nope! NOPE!” And I changed my path and instead walked to where Mike and the kids were standing. The woman walked past us, then followed her friends out of the restaurant and down the sidewalk (we didn’t see any of them get in a car, thank god).

I think if I’d been alone, I’d have said something to the woman and risked a possible (probable, based on some of the other behavior we witnessed) belligerent response. But since my kids were with me I just couldn’t take that chance.

I hope Backwards Dress Lady drank a lot of water before she went to sleep.