I paid my car registration renewal on my VW two months ago, but I haven’t received my new stickers in the mail so I have to do the one thing everyone dreads: Go to the DMV.
I have needed to go to the DMV since we moved, which was…wow, that was ten months ago. Whoops. I didn’t realize we’ve been here for almost a year. That’s crazy. I have been a very bad car owner. My dumb Volkswagen Lemon is still registered in my maiden name, at our old apartment, and to complete the trifecta of irresponsibility, my driver’s license still has our old address. I most definitely need to go to the DMV…but I don’t wanna. It’s the DMV! You wouldn’t want to, either.
OK fine MOM, I just scheduled an appointment for next week. I could have gone in tomorrow, but I have to get my roots done first, just in case I have to take a new picture. Yes, I am that vain, but also my roots are so long now that I’d probably have to check the box for “grey hair” instead of red. Plus, waiting a week gives me time to get closer to my driver’s license weight, AND I’ll get eight more days to practice my smile. We can’t have a repeat of my picture from July 2000:
I “lost” that driver’s license a week after it arrived so I could take a new picture. I am freshly twenty-one in that picture but I look like I’m mid-forties, easy. That smile screams, “My mom jeans are too tight!” My pictures since this one have all turned out alright, except for the one on the bottom left…I look a little crazy.
The woman who took that picture yelled, “Open your eyes bigger!” right before she snapped the photo. My eyes aren’t big and smiling so much as they are screaming for help. Also, I have an interesting hair evolution going on there.
My DMV appointment is scheduled for the day after my birthday, so I will be starting 33 out very responsibly. Maybe I should schedule a mammogram and skin check while I’m at it…maybe draw up a living will…start eating more fiber…I really just need to think to myself, “What Would Mom Jeans Do?”
I bet Mom Jeans gets eight hours of sleep every night, too.
This is awesome!
Ha! How do you have all those old pictures still? That is too funny.
Love it! I’ve had some truly hideous driver’s license photos — wayyyy worse than yours, if it makes you feel any better. The one before my current photo featured me with lopsided hair, hooker makeup (I wanted it to really pop on camera!) and a demented half-smile that made me look like a psychopath. I couldn’t show it to anyone without them laughing in my face. Not sure what happened there, but I was fully prepared not to look nuts when I got a new one last summer . . . and it’s definitely more normal. You know, for a driver’s license picture.
I am laughing out loud in my office at this post. Thanks for starting my day off right!
You’re lucky you can show your teeth. I went to get mine updated after marriage and now in Iowa you can’t show your teeth when you smile nor can you have hair on your forehead! I said, you need to post these rules somewhere so I have time to find a whole new hairstyle. Do you even want it to look like me? She told me to be thankful I’m not a guy and she didn’t require me to go in the bathroom, stick my head in the sink and slick it all back.
We also don’t have our weight on our licenses.
Is your weight actually on your license? That’s so uncool! Mine is in the DMV system but they don’t print it on our licenses in VA… I also don’t think they make me update it, so it’s still my weight from when I got my learner’s permit at 16. Haha.
Lol! This year is actually the first dmv picture I like. I had to get a new one because after losing 80 pounds the school said my license picture didn’t look like me anymore…and was hassling me….anyhoo….the dmv lady was kind enough to give styling tips to everyone (regardless of the line) and snap multiple photos! That did not happen when I was a teen!
HaHa Heather, you are too funny! Just got my license renewed last week and shockingly it was a pleasant experience, the wait was only 10 minutes and I got a friendly, chatty agent who actually encouraged me to smile since this photo will last five years and you want to look good! You can always lie about your weight since they have no scales there, and by the way, I LOVED your blonde photos!
Any chance of heading there again? You made and awesome blonde…
Just as an FYI – out here in SoCal (and maybe everywhere, I am only speaking from the experience of being a SoCal resident) if you have AAA you can do all of your car licensing stuff at any one of their offices. Soooooo much easier than going to the DMV. To renew your drivers license (unless you can do it by mail like I was able to do this year BIG YAY) you have to go into the DMV but to just update your address you might be able to do that at AAA as well. Not sure though. Anyhoo just thought you’d like to know this in case you didn’t!
Heather, you ROCKED the blonde hair! WOW! Fabulous!
On funny driver’s license rules: Having lived in California my whole life when we spent a few (LONG!) years in AZ I had to get a new license. In AZ your driver license actually is until you turn 65. Yes, I could have gone 30 odd years without getting a new license. They ‘encourage’ you to update the picture but it’s not required.
Wait. You can make an appointment?!? We go stand in line, long long long lines. And when you get to the front they will tell you that you somehow got in the wrong line and you get to start all over again. I suspect they give awards for the Crankiest Employee of the Month. Nothing else could explain the level of grumpy rudeness they all maintain.
You just keep getting prettier Heather – this year should be a stunner!
In BC you’re not even allowed to smile for your DL photo, so it ends up looking like a mug shot no matter what! You have to basically be as expressionless as possible or they retake the picture, same with passport photos.
Yep, also live in BC Canada and ’tis true. I inquired once when updating my passport and was told ‘dead people are not usually smiling’. Hey yeah! Thanks for that, have a great day! :?
You look great in all the pics Heather! I swear I am either far uglier than I think of they have it out for me at the DMV.
You are so lucky that you get to attempt a new picture. The last few times I’ve changed my address on my license all they do is make a new one with my old picture. The last time I had my picture taken was over 10 years ago, and before that it was even longer. Yikes.
Heather if you have AAA you can register your car at their office and get the stickers right then. I never mail mine in. I wait until the week they’re due and go to AAA. Way easier, stickers in hand when I leave, and I put them on the car before I leave the parking lot. I hate the DMV!!!!
OMG, you suck! (not really) How in the freaking world do you manage to take such awesome pictures for your license? Even your mom jeans photo isn’t as bad as you think!
Michelle Silliman says:
Heather…you are too funny. This article left me laughing out loud at my desk.
Just so you know, I think you are suppose to notify them of a change of address within 7 days of moving. So, I wouldn’t really mention that you moved 10 months ago. Good luck at the DMV.
You get to make an appointment???I am in Rhode Island.Around here you take a number and spend the whole day there!!
The picture on the top right looks exactly like Diane F! You could seriously be twins!!! I thought it was her at first.
BTW you’re nuts – you look great in all your pictures. Even the demented one. I would kill to have such nice DL photos!
I’m not sure we are allowed to keep our old licenses otherwise it would be a hoot to go back and look at the previous ones! Love your pictures!
I never have understood why people always complain about the DMV because in Oklahoma we have tag agencies to renew your license, tag, etc. The longest I’ve ever waited at a tag agency is maybe 10 minutes. I guess in other states you have to go to DMV. I guess we are so lucky.
My driver’s license photo isn’t the best I’ve ever seen, but I figure that when I hand it over to someone, and I’m standing right there in front of them, in person,,,,that’s the time to look fabulous, and then you don’t have to give a hoot about how the driver’s license photo looks!!!
My days of decent license pictures are over. In Indiana, you can no longer show your teeth when you smile and you have to tuck your hair behind your ears. I look like a dweeb in my most recent one!
WWMJD – love it. I also love you with blonde (or brown) hair. As another poster said, wow!
Heather, in case no one has ever told you, you are very photogenic.
I am not at all. At all. Even “good” pictures are bad. I’m not that hideous in real life, just in pictures. I even had the person behind the counter not even show me the picture, just say, “I think I’ll re-take that picture.” Not a good sign.
It’s my cross to bear.
Your pictures are one million bazillion times better than mine! They made me move my hair and look up, so my picture just says “check out these double chins!”
Marin D says:
I agree – how do you have all of those pictures? I always look high in my pictures. Which for the record, I have never been high in my life. And my last photo was when I was 7 months pregnant (I have to renew this summer too). I am just resigned to looking that way. Hahaha!
We don’t have to return our old licenses – someone at the DMV punches a hole in it to make it invalid for driving,but it’s still your identification.