Since I work from home and James isn’t in school yet, the two of us spend a lot of time together. For some reason, he’s never been particularly snuggly with me — he loves to curl up with Mike, but he’s never really gone to me for his cuddling needs. This used to drive me crazy, because I love nothing more than to cuddle, but I always had Annabel and Rigby to snuggle up with.
This illness was crappy for lots of reasons, but it was especially hard to be sick without my number one cuddle buddy, Rigby. When I was sick she would never leave me, lying on top of me or, when I was feverish, next to me. Being sick so soon after she died really emphasized her absence. But luckily, I found comfort from an unexpected source.
James has been absolutely glued to me during my illness. He’d come up to me and say, “Mama, wanna cuddle?” and then (just like Rigby) he’d climb onto my arm, or leg, or really any part of my body that seemed like it would be a comfortable place to sit. Sometimes he’d pat my hand and say, “You’re okay, Mama.” He’d eventually wiggle his way under my blanket and onto my lap, and he’d figure out a way to throw the blanket over our heads to “play tunnel room.”
Sometimes he would come up to me and say, “Rub your head? Brush your hair?” And then he’d play with my hair, imitating things he’d seen Annabel do. Yes, he mostly turned my hair into a giant knot, but I didn’t care.
One afternoon after my mom brought Annabel home from school, she discovered James napping on top of me (amazing, because James never naps).
It’s been so amazing to finally get the cuddly, empathetic side of James. It was exactly what my heart needed during these last three weeks.
Sue says:
So glad that James was there for you to cuddle with, Heather. He must have sensed that someone (Rigby) was missing from your life. I hope that you’re feeling better.
april says:
Sometimes they know just what is needed… So glad you had him as a cuddle buddy and that he soothed your troubled soul during this time. It’s been quite the time for you recently… so sorry it all fell on you exactly at once. Hugs from NJ!
Glenda says:
I love snuggle bugs. So glad James snuggled. Hope you’re feeling better soon.
Katrina says:
So sweet
Melissa says:
Such a sweetie! Hope you are feeling better! And what is it about kids playing with your hair? I think it always feels like a massage, I don’t care if it ends up all tangled either!
a says:
So sweet
AuntieMip says:
Heather,
I am going to confess something here. I do not read a lot of blogs and I never comment on them. Your’s, for some reason, is different. And I have commented a LOT. Especially during vaccine season I assume you recall me, what I do, a little of my story and so I won’t repeat. If not, well that’s fine too.
Today it sort of hit me. Why I like you, why I come back. The obvious is you are relatable. Which is sort of odd because I am a good 15 years older, single and unable to have children. That is to say we have less BIG life commonalities than one would think that would make someone “follow” another person’s life. We are very similar in our values and political beliefs so there is that. There is also your gift for story telling. And damn girl, you funny! But here is something more, something intangible, yet very tangible. The reason I keep coming back. Hope!
Heather the thread of connective tissue that is consistent in your story, that resonates so clearly in your writing, is this eternal optimism that life is worth it all. That every sadness, that your monumental loss of your beautiful daughter, loved ones, your precious Rigby and the aftermath of those losses…None of it prevents you from seeing a bigger picture. A picture that includes hope and light and a belief that you really can rise form the ashes. And you give that to Annie and James. And it would appear to me as well.
I hope that makes sense. I hope you keep writing a story that is infused with the fundamental belief that fighting through the really hard, life altering shit storms this life often hands us is worth the effort. And I hope that James and Annie always find a way to cuddle. You are going to blink an they will be grown.
Have a great week.
Heather says:
Auntie Mip, this was so sweet and I can’t tell you how much I needed something kind like this today! I am so appreciative. I try to keep that optimism alive…it’s hard some days, like during the last three weeks, but I really try. Thank you, so much.
Violet says:
Awwww. Sweet boy. I’m glad he’s giving his sad sick Mama extra love!!
We just had to put our sweet Corgi to sleep this morning due to cancer. We are so so sad. But my 6 month olds cuddles are definitely helping our hearts.
Alison says:
Are your pajamas and neck pillow the same design or did you put your pillow on your legs? Going from the second to last picture to the last picture confused me for a moment! If they are your pajamas, you’re definitely doing some crazy yoga in the pic of James playing with your hair
Danielle says:
It’s the pillow. If you look close enough (that sounds creepy, I’m sorry), you can see her legs are what James is resting on. I was confused at first too!
Jeanie says:
Very sweet.
Leah says:
What a darling. So wonderful.
Lanie says:
So glad that James decided to cuddle. I hope that you keep feeling better. Is the pink eye gone? I hope so. Sending you lots of hope and hugs.