The week before I got sick I went to a house party. When I walked in and saw my friend Rebecca, we both burst out laughing. We were were dressed almost identically. We both had on black and white striped maxi dresses that were cut the same. She’d almost worn a jean jacket, and I’d originally had on the same pair of shoes she was wearing. Our friend Jessica noticed the zebra photo on the wall behind us, and a photo was born:
yeah, Bec’s eyes are closed, but she thought that made the picture better.
After we posed, the three of us decided to mingle a bit (aka, find the food) so we headed toward the kitchen. As we left the room a girl we didn’t know stopped us and said, “Your picture was so cute, with the zebra and the matching dresses and the bellies!”
Rebecca was nineteen weeks pregnant at the time of the picture. WITH TWINS. I am not pregnant, and on a normal day I do have a bit of a jiggle in the middle thanks to two pregnancies, but this was not a normal day – I WAS WEARING SPANX.
Jessica and Rebecca both audibly gasped. I smiled and said, “Thanks! I’m not pregnant, but she is!” I just kept walking.
When we reached the kitchen Bec and Jessica started apologizing to me, as if they were the ones who’d somehow done something wrong. They repeated assured me I didn’t look pregnant. I think Jessica might have threatened to punch the girl in the face, I’m not sure, I wouldn’t put it past her.
Honestly? It didn’t bother me. It could be because I’ve been asked so many crazy questions in the past that I just brush them off. Maybe I give off some sort of hormone or something that rude people are attracted to. I should have that checked out.
I’m pretty sure I will be asked again at some point if I’m pregnant when I’m not. Yeah, maybe I should do some core exercises. I never know what to say in these awkward situations. In this case, it was a girl in her early twenties and I didn’t want to make her feel bad.
Can we all just solemnly swear to never ask a stranger if she’s pregnant unless we can see the baby emerging from her vagina?
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
Oh. My. Gosh. The poor woman was probably mortified, too. But at least she didn’t pat your belly – I was just reading @whymommy’s post at Toddler Planet. Is it “Assume She’s Pregnant” week in the US or something?
I can pinkie swear to that one. You handled it well.
The other day a snarky man that I had thought was my friend said something like, “She looks just like you if you lost like 100 pounds.” He said that in a crowded bar. Over a microphone. Everyone just started at him like wow… you are the worlds biggest asshole. I think I’d rather be called pregnant that straight up called fat over the loud speaker. LOL
By the way, you do NOT look pregnant. You look adorable.
Are you freaking kidding me? People can be so mean! I want to give you a hug.
I’ve been asked twice if I was pregnant. The first time when I was 19. That’s good for the self esteem.
And Heather, you look amazing in that dress! And your hair is so pretty!
I know! They totally CAN be huge assholes. I’m alright though, although I’d still take a hug! It was kind of funny. There was a guy that had just leaned over and told me I was sexy, right before that happened. He pisses everybody off, and basically everybody called me the following week asking where we were going instead? I could have ripped most of his “followers” away if I had wanted to.
I promise. Done and done. I know you weren’t fishing for compliments, but you do look quite beautiful.
Heather- you do not look pregnant. at all.
I hate stupid people with their stupid comments.
After I had the girls like 7 months later, a man asked me if i knew the sexes of the babies that I was carrying.
I looked at him and told him that i was NOT pregnant and that he would now learn a lesson to NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant unless he sees a head crowning (he was 19). When I saw him later on a few months later, he told me that he learned a valuable lesson from me.
Guilty. I’ve done this twice in my life. I’m a 61-year-old grandmother now, and the first time was about 25 years ago, but I’ve never forgotten it…I was so mortified! So you’d think I’d have learned, but I recently did it again at a gathering of my kids’ friends…I had just finished a conversation with a fraternity brother of one of my sons, and then I saw “a wife”…since he had told me his wife was close to delivery, and this girl was a bit big and wearing an empire dress, I asked her when she was due. “The baby is 9 months old now” she replied. Later my daughter reminded me of the Weight Watchers leader who had told us that the only safe time to EVER ask a woman that question is if the baby’s head is crowning. I’ve learned…but twice? I can’t even forgive myself for that one.
Is that the dress I posted to you? I had one on identical … and my frickin SISTER said something about my weight.
I was asked if I was pregnant – five days after giving birth to Max. I walked to the hospital giftshop – looking back I can understand why. I had a MINIDRESS on .. because I just “felt so skinny now the baby was out.” Um, no Eden. NO.
That’s my rule: A woman is never pregnant until she is actively giving birth. This is why!
Jaime Maynard says:
Funny, there was an article written about this just the other day on LifEcletic parenting magazine, about NEVER asking a women if she’s expecting, period. Even if she is in her billionth month of pregnancy, chat her up, give her time, if she is pregnant she will let you know eventually. Gessh people. this actually happened to me, horrifically a few months after Evan died and I finally had the courage to go out and act normal, and get a haircut. The stylist asked me if I was having a boy or a girl….I nearly lost my mind, yet somehow had to sit there through the remainder of the hair cut or go home with a half head of cut hair.
Umm I have looked at that picture over and over again and you don’t look pregnant. My husband’s grandmother emailed me the other day she wanted to know if I wanted a pair of pants that she can’t fit into. Wouldn’t be a problem if they were actually 8 sizes too big for me. Great I am so glad you think I am that size. No more frozen hot chocolates for me.
After my miscarriages I can’t even bring myself to ask people if they have children.
This has happened to me a couple of times. Once at a cocktail party the charity that I was involved with was throwing for a fundraiser I was drinking and wanted to have a smoke so I went outside. I had a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other and a older guy.comes up to me and says, “you really shouldn’t be smoking and drinking it’s bad for the.baby”. I said I’m not pregnant and walked off. I may have cried later cause I thought I looked good in my new dress with my spanx. (My husband told me I did and he’s not a liar about things like that.)
Well, I agree that maintaining radio silence is probably a wise idea but I do have to wonder whether or not the question becomes necessary if the baby’s head is poking out. Admittedly, it might be better than a nonchalant, “oh hey, you’re pregnant”, since there’d be a reasonable chance that she either knows or is past the need to have it spelt out but still…
I wonder, has the reverse ever happened? I’m sure it MUST have been the experience of some pregnant woman somewhere that some ignoramus simply assumed she was overweight.
This happened to me too. I was wearing and empire waist dress and someone I see occasionally came over to me and said “congratulations, when did this happen?” and she patted my stomach. It took me a few seconds to even understand what the heck she meant! I just looked at her and said “I am not pregnant” and I walked away. And promptly threw that dress away!!!!
I had an umbilical hernia after my first was born and that’s never going away. I get the belly rub and “when is your baby due” all the time. I can laugh off the question, but the touching is too much. Maybe we need to add on a no inappropriate touches clause to the no asking someone when they’re due pact.
Okay first, you do not look pregnant in that dress AT ALL. It must be a trick of the eye…the continuation of the stripes or something, from your friends belly because you look quite thin to me!
Second, I never EVER comment on a pregnancy until the woman herself mentions it or I see a baby crowning, A mother of one of my daughter’s friends was obviously pregnant (like 8 months or so!) and I told my husband, do NOT say anything about it until she mentions it. After about an hour of sitting at the ballfield and chatting she said something about being pregnant in the heat of the summer and I was all over her with questions about her pregnancy. She must have thought I was nuts. But I stuck to my rule!!
Let’s add a rule…no touching of any stranger woman’s belly. Ever. Pregnant or not! It’s just weird.
I could not agree with you more. I never in my life thought I’d be asked such a question when I was not at all pregnant but it happened to me at work and I was horrified. I threw the shirt out as soon as I got home and was so upset all day because I was asked the question early in the morning. I had the entire day with the shirt on and felt like crap all day.
I was put on a medication that made me gain weight rapidly. Someone asked if I was pregnant… BEFORE… I ever was. Ugh.
That’s awful. I agree! And you look good, not pregnant.
I have the opposite problem. My sister is almost 8 months pregnant. She won’t outright tell me but it has been 100% confirmed (to someone else). I won’t ask because I feel it’s up to her to say something. So I’m waiting. What do I do?
I think in this situation – you should talk to your sister. =(
Well, for starters, you don’t look pregnant at all. I’ve been asked this so many times, starting when I was teaching and a student was all giddy because she had figured out my secret. At the time, I was tiny, so, it didn’t bother me. As life stresses, two pregnancies, and age added some pounds, I was mortified to be asked several more times. My standard answer: Nope, I’m not pregnant. Just fat! This always makes the person feel like a jerk, and they should. Most recently, a battle with ovarian cysts the sizes of a football and a grapefruit REALLY led to a pouchy belly and more pregnancy comments. Now, post abdominal hysterectomy, I’m wearing lots of empire waist dresses for comfort, and whee! Everyone thinks I am pregnant! I give up. But back to your point, it has ALWAYS been my policy to not comment on a pregnancy unless the belly is huge and round, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why more people haven’t figured that out as well.
First off – I know it’s already been said but you do NOT look pregnant in that picture. At all.
Secondly, it always blows my mind when I hear stories like this. Who doesn’t know the universal rule of NEVER asking someone if they’re pregnant? Seriously.
red pen mama says:
when I was pregnant with Michael, I wrote a whole post on this. I’m especially down with: NO belly touching, and NO asking “when is the baby due”. Just don’t, people!
People lose all control around pregnant women. I know *most* of them mean well, but it’s gotta stop!
And you and Bec look adorable. She looks pg, you do not.
My rule of thumb is “unless I see you crowning, I’m NOT asking any pregnancy questions”
#1 You don’t look pregnant.
#2 People are so dumb. I have had this happen to me and you handled it MUCH better than I did. I believe I threatened death via testicle removal to the guy who said it to me.
First, I am so jealous to see two of my favorite bloggers just hanging out like cool people who just hang out together. Ha!
Second, there is a girl at work who I am almost SURE is pregnant. Like, maybe even getting close to 9 months. But, she had a bit of an unfortunate shape before the pregnancy and so I just can’t be 100% sure. And as hard as it is, I will not be asking her if she’s pregnant until I hear her mention it herself, or I see baby pictures up in her cubicle!!
First off, you do not, in any way, look pregnant. You look adorable. It is hysterical that you guys dressed the same, and there was a zebra picture there for you to pose in front of
That should be a rule, especially among women. I guess, maybe, women don’t know about that rule until after they have had children or been wrongly asked if she was pregnant. They should teach that in school or something.
Dawn K. says:
How horrific! I’m 14 months out from giving birth, and even after the experience, and being more aware of the body changes the process brings, I NEVER EVER mention if someone is pregnant. EVER.
Maybe, just maybe, if the baby was crowning, would I ask her if she had anything interesting going on in her life at the moment.
I’m a nanny and one of the kids is 3 months old. The other day someone asked how old he was and I told her and she told me that I look good for having a 3 month old. Well thanks lady, but he’s not mine!
Sorry, I just read another comment, and it reminded me that I was actually a victim of the reverse of this when I was pregnant.
My friend and I scored tickets to Oprah this last season, and when we went I was 6 months pregnant and she was 3 months pregnant. Well, when you’re waiting to go into the studio, you wait in this fairly crowded room with lots of seats…the only exception is for the elderly and pregnant, who wait downstairs intead, where you are closer to the bathrooms. So, when we walked in, a woman pulled my friend (who did not even think she was showing yet) aside and asked her to wait downstairs since she was pregant, but let my big 6-month-visibly-pregnant self go upstairs to wait with the rest of our party. So, my friend was sad that people thought she was showing when she wasn’t yet, and I was sad because I was obviously showing and everyone just thought I was fat. Sad.
Luckily, we were at Oprah, so nothing could dampen our spirits that day!!!
You look great in that dress. I have had this same thing happen to me months after my first son. I just didn’t really answer the question when the lady asked me, it is embarrasing. I am now pregnant for the third time, but the babies are not mine (i am a surrogate) so it will be so fun when people ask if i am pregnant and i can say, yes but they aren’t mine. I think i am going to get a maternity shirt that says “Yes I am pregnant, and no they are not not mine”
Aw, it’s two of my favorite bloggers in the same picture!!
You definitely don’t look pregnant, and I’m sure that girl felt AWFUL! She certainly shouldn’t have said that without knowing for sure, but I think she was just trying to be friendly. I’m preparing myself now for after I have this baby and someone asks me when I’m due. I know it will happen, so I just need to be prepared to laugh it off.
P.S. You two look great! And I love the matching dresses:)
Ok, so I just went back and read the links from your post about other crazy questions and all I have to say is WTF?!? Who ARE these people that you encountered?! I’m pretty sure I would have wanted to punch the old lady in bathing suit section square in the nose…at the very least I’m certain that I would have complained to management. And I’m not the complaining type! I can’t believe how well you handled yourself!
Michelle H says:
You don’t even look remotely pregnant in that dress…. that girl obviously hasn’t had children.
But you got the best of her. You handled it with grace and I bet she still feels like an ass to this day…
You know what’s bad? When you are with a preschooler who hasn’t yet learned his or her manners, and you find yourself at the mall sharing an elevator ride with a rather “large” woman, and the preschooler says, “Mommy, she has a baby in her tummy!”
My mother-in-law is a rather “large” woman, and one time one of my kids said, “Grandma, is there a baby in your tummy?” and I just about died, but my MIL handled is well and said, “No, honey. Grandma’s just fat.” Made me laugh, how to the point she was.
I’ve been out and about with a post-pregnancy belly and have been asked “when’s the baby due?” when I am pushing a newborn in the stroller. What the heck? Do people think that I birthed one but kept his twin inside to birth at a later time? Seriously, some people are idiots.
Since I’ve had so many pregnancies, I have quite a few stories…
Once I was out and about with a post-pregnancy belly and a lady asked me, “Oh, how far along are you?” (I didn’t have the baby with me at that time) and I said, “Oh, I’m not pregnant. I had the baby a month ago so I’m still kinda pudgy.” and I smiled, trying not to take offense. And she looked again at my belly and said, “That must have been some big baby. Or…did you have twins?” I guess she didn’t think her first comment was rude enough?
I have totally been there. The worst was when a woman I have known for years (but not family or a close friend) asked me, loudly, in a public library, WHILE TOUCHING MY STOMACH, “what is going on here?” with a wink and a “knowing” smile. Yeah. Fun times. I shrugged and said “nothing” and she turned very red and left. In a hurry. I would say it was almost worse for her than it was for me! We just live in such a small town that if I hadn’t issued a denial, I’d have been pregnant with triplets before lunch!
Apparently this is the year for asking women if they are pregnant! I can’t tell you how many times this year I’ve been asked if I am pregnant! I’ve put on a little weight in my midsection so I’m a little bigger than normal. I even had someone ask my boss if I have had the baby yet because I looked that pregnant at our office Christmas party! I agree, you don’t ask unless you see that baby’s head coming out! I just tell people no I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat! Thanks for asking! (I’m 4’11”, 110 pounds, so I’m not fat, just a little rounder in the middle!)
You look wonderful! I absolutely love you!
You do not look pregnant at all! What is wrong with people. If I am not sure I am not asking, lol.
Dudge OH says:
WTF? I think you both look great.
I think people just need to engage their brains sometimes, you know…
Mary O says:
I’ve been asked before if I was pregnant… when I was definitely NOT. I told the lady, Nope! This is just the leftovers from the last baby I had… TWO YEARS AGO.
Oh lord, people are rude.
You do not look pregnant!! I can’t believe that woman said that. She probably just made an assumption based on the matching outfits. I bet she learned her lesson!
I NEVER make a comment about anyone being pregnant until either they tell me themselves or they’re about 9 1/2 months and I can visibly see a belly button popping through their clothes and a baby beginning to crown.
Erin W says:
YOU DO NOT LOOK PREGNANT. I’m sure everyone else has said it. I think she just assumed since Rebecca was visibly pregnant and you were almost identically dressed. That doesn’t make her rude comments acceptable though. So sorry…I’ll punch her in the face, too if you want! :0)
mom of 2 says:
This is a tough issue. I am a commuter, so I always offer my seat to the elderly, blind, or pregnant on the long train rides into the city. I remember seething with anger when occasionally someone wouldn’t offer me a seat when I was visibly pregnant. But I do know some people are simply pouchy around the middle and I don’t want to offend them either by assuming they need a seat. What to do?!
I guess the moral is to take a cue from Heather and not let it bother you too much if someone makes a mistake (or doesn’t have any manners). There are more important things to worry about in this life!
Kayla N. says:
I love this outfit, and you totally do NOT look pregnant- you look ADORABLE!
True story: I used to work at a department store, and one day I was ringing a woman up who was buying all these baby clothes and gushing about her new on-the-way grandchild. She got all glowy and was like, “and I see you are expecting too, how lovely!” Which of course I wasn’t, so I just gently corrected her with a smile on my face like oh no, haha, not me! INSTANTLY the woman’s face went totally confused, she did that thing where you look someone over from top to bottom and goes, dead serious, “Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE? You should be SURE.”
I kid you not, it was so horrifying- the initial one was okay, but the second one was a little more than I could handle. Now I find it hilarious, but at the time I was so upset.
Kind of reminds me of when a NURSE said to me “I can’t believe you are THAT pregnant after having a baby THAT young!” (My daughter was only about a week old. She was there with me and getting her billirubin levels checked.)
Rumour Miller says:
Agreed! That’s some great advice.
You definitely don’t look pregnant, but posing like that with a visibly pregnant person could make someone think you guys are taking the picture because you both are. She didn’t know you and probably just saw the other’s belly (and it was a cute one) and her brain saw something it didn’t. Rest assured, you don’t look pregnant and horizontal stripes can create an optical illusion of bending.
It was a really cute picture actually, and I like the dress with the denim jacket, very hip Mom.
This woman at the swimming pool asked me: how far along are you? And I looked at her and said: I’m sorry? I don’t think I’m pregnant… So she said to me: I also come from a big family.
I don’t know which part was worse lol
I’m with Colleen – it could have been the person who said that thought that “pregnancy” was an aspect of the picture.
I can confidently say you do NOT look pregnant, though, not even a little bit.
I didn’t read the comments so I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else but when I was living in an apartment building one of the tenants came down to talk to us about something and she asked me when I was having the baby and I pointed to my baby in his infant seat! She was in her early 20’s too and I only felt better when I realized that someday when she has a baby it’s going to happen to her too! Over the years I’ve also been asked if I’m pregnant when I wasn’t and I hate that! It taught me to never, ever ask such a rude question!
I NEVER EVER ask. NEVER. I ran into a classmate that I hadn’t seen in probably 10 years. She patted my stomach and said congratulations. You could tell she wanted to crawl into a hole when I said “Um, I’m not pregnant.” Yes, I’m bigger than I was in high school, but hell, I still wear a size 4! Geez. Never ask or comment if you don’t know for sure.
Yea…that’s one thing I learned never to do…ask a women if she’s pregnant…unless I know for sure!
And…I DO NOT even think you look the least bit pregnant in that picture!!!
I think those dresses are super cute, and I’m guessing the girl who made the comment probably saw your friend first (who is obviously preggo) and since you had on a similar outfit assumed you were BOTH preggo. Either way, she shoulda kept her trap shut! I also stick to the rule of NOT asking…Ever. I gave birth to my 2nd son and went to grab lunch (without baby) 3 days after I delivered him. The cashier was taking my order and said, “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl yet” and I replied, “Well, I just changed his diaper and I’m pretty sure he’s a boy”. Granted, I DID indeed look about 5-6 months pregnant but that just goes to show ya….DON’T ASSUME….ever.
You do not look pregnant at all! PROMISE you will wear that sexy outfit out again tomorrow and feel like a million bucks. Maybe that woman was dyslexic or some other kind of thing where she sees wrong. Or maybe she’s just a passive aggressive bully like some of those other people you’ve run into in the past with the rude comments.
Also, it’s gotten to the point of awkwardness that I never comment on a woman’s pregnancy until she brings it up. Like I’ll be having lunch with someone who is CLEARLY pregnant and I never even politely ask about her exciting new development. I feel like it’s best not to comment on other people’s bodies in general without an invitation, and why should pregnancy be different?
Holy moly…if you look pregnant in that dress then I look pregnant with 25 babies! I think you look really great and not pregnant in the least.
I agree that preggo comments should never be made unless the baby is coming out of the vagina!!
I had a client yesterday that I couldn’t bring myself to ask if she was pregnant…..but my technician did. The client was pregnant (6 months) with twins…but the shirt she wore was deceiving. When I hugged her good bye it was her breasts that gave her away. I forgot they get that dang big!!!!!!!!!
Heather in CA says:
I too have a bit of a belly and get asked this or commented on more frequently than I’d like to admit. I am still surprised each time that people make this assumption. And ps- it still hurts as much the last time as it did the first.
I just made a tweet about this today because I almost ask a woman if she was pregnant but I bit my tongue.
That is just something that you do EVER ask.
And girl, you don’t look pregnant at all.
Mama Bub says:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??
I was on a boat this weekend with a woman who had a lil belly. Out of fear of having a similar situation, I never asked her about it even after she dropped hints about how she’ll have to pee in the water all day and wouldn’t be able to drink delicious brews. I was NOT gonna go there, but I have to wonder if she felt offended that I DIDN’T say something about her bun in the oven.
Honestly I think if we didn’t feel shame about our bellies it wouldn’t be an issue. Bellies are seen as attractive in many cultures and they’re flaunted! Some of us carry more about the middle. If it bugs us so much we should either try really hard to get rid of it or accept it instead of beating ourselves up over something so silly. I’ve chosen the path of acceptance lol.
you do not look preggers
that happend to me once–I never wore the sweater again
I think you both look amazing!
I never ask anyone if they are pregnant or not. I think it’s disrespectful and if they wanted me to know they were they would share that with me.
You’re so cute!!!
I recently had someone ask me first if they could as me a rude question and I stupidly said yes. She then asked if I was pregnant. Um… not so much. Stranger still I then apologized to her more than she apologized to me.
I did listen to an episode of This American Life where they talked to someone from the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant” and she said that nobody ever asked her and if maybe someone would have it would have clicked. So Ira Glass said that his takeaway from the interview was that if you ever suspect someone is pregnant you should just ask them. Which I still find hilarious.
It happened to me too. There’s this polite gentleman who runs our neighborhood store and he asked me when the “next baby” was due. That’s when I realized the new clinched-at-the-waist top that I had so eagerly bought myself from “Forever-21” was definitely not doing me any favors. Needless to say, I’ve never dared to wear it again. The man looked totally mortified when I told him “Not pregnant, just fat”!!!
Jessi @ Quirky Cookery says:
She likely was just making a silly assumption. You obviously don’t look pregnant, but maybe she just thought the whole thing was planned and assumed you were trying to pose your “pregnant striped bellies” together or something. The poses *are* similar, I guess, so maybe from where ever she was standing, she thought your hand was a couple inches over and “holding” like your picture partner is? Either way, glad it didn’t bother you, as it was a silly assumption regardless.
I made the mistake of asking a woman once if she was pregnant. I was young, I was at work. I was selling jewelry at the time, and had been following this woman around from case to case for an hour. She had finally made up her mind, I was trying to continue the small talk, asked when she was due, and she left in a huff.
I don’t blame her for being mad, she still could have made her purchase!
I’ve never ever asked anyone ever again. Even if you think it’s obvious, it’s still possible to be wrong!
I NEVER, NEVER assume that. Unless I see a head coming out I wait for someone else to mention it. That simple.
I don’t even say anything lately to woman who are obviously pregnant.I work with a girl who had a baby almost 3 years ago and she gets asked it all the time at work.She started saying “I’m not pregnant,just fat.Thanks”And it didn’t help her when I was pregnant and people got us mixed up.
I’ve recently lost 40lbs–so you would imagine that people wouldn’t make that mistake, right? Well, you’d be wrong. First, an old woman at church was chit-chatting with me watching my two little girls run around and says, “So when are you due?” and I said, “Pardon me?”–she repeated it and I had to say, “I’m not due for anything.”…it was awful. Then it happened again last week at Target. I was picking up an antibiotic and the pharmacist said (SAID, not even asked!), “You’re taking this medicine while pregnant?”….”Um..no.”……..ugh. 40lbs gone and I still feel awful because of that. Maybe I need better posture….or something. But, YOU, my dear, look fabulous in that dress. Not pregnant at ALL!
When we were in New York I was asked 3 times when I was due. One of the times was by someone we both know.
It prompted this post – http://prairie-mama.blogspot.com/2010/08/public-service-announcement.html
My standard response when someone asks when I’m due is, “I’m not pregnant, just fat, but thanks for asking”.
I like to make them feel dumb. Cause they are.
Plus? You look great.
C @ Kid Things says:
The last time this happened to me was just a few weeks ago, from some 1st grade classmates of my son. I’ve had it happen before, but for some reason, this effected me more, even though I know some kids at that age don’t have much of a filter.
I never assume honestly, I’m afraid I’ll ask some stupid question to a non preggers…that’s embarrassing!! You DO NOT look any sort of pregnant in that pic btw.
You totally DO NOT look pregnant in that!
Some people just need to learn to hold their tongue! After my first year of college, I went to visit some extended family. My uncle asked me if I had gained the famous freshman fifteen. I said yes and thought “awesome, so glad you can’t tell!”…until he replied with “yeah, I thought you were looking a bit heavier”. Um, wtf?! You couldn’t have just keep that thought in your mind?! Needless to say, I never wore the shirt I was wearing that night again.
Seriously, I have not even asked people who I was sure were 8 MONTHS PREGO because it wasn’t worth the risk…do people not think????
When my little girl was about 8 months old the secretary to the CEO of my company came into my boss’s office, where I was standing and was petting my belly talking about how exciting it was. My boss looked away and pretended not to notice and I just smiled until she stopped. SERIOUSLY!!!!
When I read the title of the post, I looked at the pic and thought, “No…”
Oh believe me I NEVER ask unless they bring it up, I see a head or they are wearing a t-shirt with BABY ON BOARD or something. I learned my lesson.
I had delivered twins 4 days previous and had ‘baby brain’. Dashed out to get something with my sis. While standing in line behind me was a woman who looked rather pregnant. I asked her when she was due. Ahem, she was NOT pregnant.. So I STUPIDLY tried to make things better and said “Well you must have just recently had one!” (Stop shaking your head, I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet!) Sort, of she said…
“How long ago then?” (Because I was apparently on a stick your entire leg down your throat mood, sigh..) 18 months she replied… Ooops… I profusely apologized, completely mortified, explaining I had just had twins and baby on the brain.
I finished my transaction, grabbed my sister and proceeded to RUN to her car, crouching down on my seat and telling her to GUN IT!!
That pretty much ranks as my most mortifying moment to date. Lesson learned
Aw, I’m sorry that happened to you Heather. For the record, no, you absolutely do not look pregnant. At all.
And for what it’s worth, I think I may have a simple solution to people ever asking again if you’re pregnant – get pregnant! Then when people assume you are, you will be! Problem solved!
I’ve done this ONCE and it will never happen again. It’s so embarrassing and I felt horrible.
This is numero uno on my list of questions NEVER to ask. Others include “do you have children?”, “are you married?”, “what do you do?” , and “is that your natural hair color?”
Your last line made me laugh out loud (literally) – such good advice! (You do NOT look pregnant. Girls in their early 20’s have NO idea about what is going to happen to their bodies!!)
Um…at first I was confused because your friend is clearly pregnant while you don’t look pregnant at all…or even jiggly. Then I thought, wait is this her way of saying she’s pg, by asking if the dress made you look that way…then I kept reading and thought of all the times that’s been said to me. And how, if I am pissy I jump all over the person asking, or if I can’t be bothered, I quickly think of a due date 4-5 months in the future and move on!
Love the dress, you both look gorgeous! Would you mind sharing where you got it?
Katie Gonzalez says:
LOVE the last sentence.
On two different occasions I’ve been asked of me and my best friend, “Are you her Sister or her Mother?” The last time I was a bit tipsy and pissed and replied, “If you think I might be her Sister, you probably shouldn’t ask if I’m her Mom.” What I wanted to say was, “Are you pregnant or just fat?”
I’m glad that when I’m out and about right now, my newborn is with me ’cause I could very well get the same. Actually, I am reminded of the fact that my stomach is still stretched out almost on a daily basis when I pick up my daughter from preschool. One of her classmates still, after 4 weeks, asks why my stomach sticks out and it looks like I still have a baby in there! Hey, kiddo…can’t you tell I’ve already lost 30 pounds!!
When I was pregnant and buying baby clothes the young sales girl asked if they were for my granddaughter. Hello, I was 31 at the time. I was like, no, they are for my baby. She looked at me all confused and I said, the one in here and pointed at my stomach.
I felt just awesome after that!
And, you look great and not pregnant at all!
Look at you, all handling awkward shit! That kind of thing ruins my day. It’s happened to me a couple of times. The thing is, to be fair, I think I DO look like I’m pregnant. I’m not that big all over, but three kids have done a number on my abdominal muscles, and I’d say I look 5 months pregnant on any given day. So even if you think a woman is CLEARLY OBVIOUSLY TOTALLY pregnant, my friends, she may not be. And when it’s happened to me, mostly the people aren’t asking when I’m due, they are just making conversation based on the ASSUMPTION that I’m pregnant (at the Gap, “Don’t you think it’s risky to buy all these clothes when they aren’t even going to fit in a few months?”) that left me confused until the exchange was almost over. And I wish I was the kind of person that could speak up, but mostly I just come up with a random due date!
Someone asked me that the other day! Granted, I was wearing an unflattering shirt, but STILL. The best part? When I assured her that I was NOT pregnant, her response was, “Are you sure?” What do you even say to that?? Much like you, my friends and I have a policy that we do not ask about a stranger’s pregnancy unless the baby is crowning. How is this not something all women stick to?
Heather, I remember reading those other crazy stories and I just cannot believe how many rude people you encounter! You handle ALL of them with unbelievable grace, too. I’m sure I’d try to make a clever but biting comeback, and I’d end up looking stupid and feeling foolish all day. Good for you, you are definitely the better person in the situation and hopefully you are teaching the rude people some manners through example!
Good Grief! You don’t even look remotely pregnant! And it is a super cute dress!
I had a friend – one of my core support group who was with me through labor when I had my son 8 months ago – who said – I kid you not – “Oh – you still look pregnant!” when I was WALKING OUT OF THE DELIVERY ROOM. To make it worse, when she would come over to visit after he was born, she would often say things like, “Now you only look 6 months pregnant.” She’s 26, so I feel like she should have known better than to say that to ANYONE, and I finally tried to talk to her about it a few weeks ago, but it did not go well. People just don’t know how to act, it seems.