It’s like a horror movie around here. Two days ago, I got a paper cut. Yesterday, I cut open my finger when I was opening the packaging on a new toy for Maddie – that terrible plastic stuff that you need a freaking hacksaw to break through. Today, I cut my thumb wide open opening up a box that contained a night light for Maddie. Today’s cut was pretty bad. Before I even looked at my thumb, I knew it was going to be a bad cut. That’s how much it hurt. And of course we didn’t have any bandages in the house. So I was running around in my kitchen with my right arm above my head – blood dripping all the way down my arm – with a paper towel wrapped around my thumb all tight like a tourniquet. It’s a good-sized cut. I probably needed stitches. But going to the ER to get a couple stitches didn’t sound super-fun, especially since I had Maddie with me. And I’m boycotting ERs. Plus I have this thing about stitches. Just the idea completely repulses me. The same with staples. There was a girl in my glass that once shot a couple staples in her arm to get out of a test. It worked. So how is it that staples in your body can be okay? Glue held my C-Section together. Seriously. In fact, if I don’t find a new OB that uses skin glue, Maddie can kiss a sibling goodbye. I’m not joking!
What the hell am I talking about? I’ve lost so much blood.
While I was running around my kitchen bleeding, Maddie was crawling all around me shrieking and laughing. The kid was down right maniacal. She is getting to be a SHRIEKER. I don’t know how I feel about this. Oh wait, yes I do. I hate it. She also laughs when I say, “NO!” It’s annoyingly cute. She is really close to walking. When she can walk, it’s over. People will fall at her feet, dead from an acute case of adorable-itis. She’s barely two feet tall. She LITERALLY still wears newborn size pants (the girl is all torso – she gets that from me). And she is about to walk. I can’t wait to take her out in public and freak people out. I’ll charge people a dollar to get their picture taken with the walking newborn. It’s genius.
Also, I just want the record to show that I was using scissors when I cut my fingers open. Mike says I need safety scissors now. I want to argue but he’s probably right. I now have a prety purple band aid on my finger. Some say it’s because Mike is really caring and didn’t want my gaping wound to get infected. Others say it’s because I whined so much that he had to get out of the house. I guess we’ll never know the real reason.
It’s Friday! That means I have some videos for you. I remembered the videos just in time, as it’s hard to type with a purple band aid and a giant wad of paper towels around your fingers. Also, the blood.
Here is Maddie screaming and walking. ALL SHE DOES IS SCREAM. Mai ears, dey hurts.
My cleavage is a little intense in that video. You know you’re totally going to go back and watch it again now. It’s ok. I won’t tell.
Here she is playing with Mike. STILL SCREAMING.
The blood is coming from my thumb AND my ears now. Time to call 911.