On your birthday, we wore purple, like always.
We smothered your sister with twice the love. I don’t think she minded.
And then, like we did with you two years ago, we had creme puffs.
Your sister seemed bothered by the consistency. (What does she know, she’s just a baby, right?)
We showed her pictures of you eating your creme puff.
We sang you happy birthday, and your sister danced and clapped. We showed her videos of you. She already knows them by heart. She shrieked “BAYBEE” and bounced. I’d say that’s a big compliment.
Your daddy and I, we talked about you all day. We sometimes gasped in the middle of sentences, and held our sides, and turned our faces away from your sister so she wouldn’t be scared by our wet eyes. We hugged her extra hard.
We miss you infinity times infinity plus eternity. We love you infinity times infinity plus eternity plus one.
And now we will sleep, and hope, as always, to dream of you.
{ 101 comments… read them below or add one }
What beautiful words, Heather, for your beautiful Maddie Moo.
She is remembered and loved by so many of us all over the world.
Thank you for sharing your precious daughter with her, its an honour to read about her. I hope you all sleep well, sweet dreams.
Love from Erica
Oh, Heather and Mike, what can I say? Yesterday in England – Armistice Day – we wore poppies to remember the war dead. I bought a purple flower from a street vendor to remember Madeline, and at the end of the day, I threw both into a fountain.
“We sometimes gasped in the middle of sentences, and held our sides, and turned our faces away from your sister so she wouldn’t be scared by our wet eyes. ”
So evocative, that one little sentence. Hugs and love to all of you. Your dedication and devotion to Maddie and Annie is amazing and beautiful.
Sweet Maddie-filled dreams to all three of you.
Such deep, deep sorrow, despair… relentless pain!
My heart breaks 4 u both as tears stream down…
Shells of yourself just to survive the day
Remember to breathe as you remember her
Empty arms but hearts over flow with love for your little girl.
Beautiful Maddie… so loved…so missed by so many
As I write this in the middle of the night, surrounded by darkness
I think…
How I wish I could bring her back to you…even if only in your dreams
Beautiful.
Such a beautiful way to honor Maddie. My daughter and I wore purple yesterday to celebrate Madeline’s birthday. Love is being sent your way.
Elle´s last [type] ..So Much For Being A Stepford Wife I’m As Undomesticated As They Come
Happy 3rd Birthday, dear sweet Madeline! I know you’re having a TREMENDOUS party in Heaven. I wish your mommy and daddy, and little sister Annabel were there to celebrate with you. But they celebrated you day here on Earth so BEAUTIFULLY! Know that you are loved by thousands. Including me!!!!!!! And that if I ever make it up to Heaven: You are one of the main people I’d be HONORED to meet. <3 <3 <3
You brought me to tears with this one…
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last [type] ..I suffer from delusions of grandeur…
Loved the pics…and thank you for sharing your heartbreak. Can’t be easy.
Just realized that although unintentionally I wore purple yesterday ! For some reason I just HAD to wear purple which I almost never do, must have been in honour of your gorgeous Maddie ! What a wonderful way for the 3 of you to honour her ! You all looked beautiful in your purple and LOVE the Maddie cream puff pics !! Gorgeous girl(s) ! Love and prayers to you all !
I thought of you all, all day yesterday. I’m still so very sorry she’s not here with you. Happy Birthday Maddie. Hugs to you Milke and Annie.
Karen´s last [type] ..It still feels about as lame as a Dear John letter
I love your celebration of all that you had with Maddie. I think of her often and the obvious love you still have for her. It’s a beautiful thing.
Brandy´s last [type] ..Commiserating
I hope you had wonderful Maddie dreams all night. Hugs to you all.
At 11 a.m. in our country’s moment of silence I thought of my grandparents who both fought for freedom, my ex brother in law on his peace keeping mission… and of Maddie, in who’s memory your family now fights for other preterm and NICU babies.
She was loved, you are loved.
Heather´s last [type] ..Grown up shopping list… I haz one
Many, many, tears,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I thought of your family all day..
hugs to you all oxo
I just started to read your blog and you have an amazing way with words. Thank you for sharing your story with the world.
MyBabyBeluga´s last [type] ..Poop Filled World
I wore purple yesterday too! Happy Birthday Maddie!
xoxo
PS I gotta try one of those cream puffs! LOL
I think of your girl daily…..peace and love to you all
Wish I could give you my dream bank.
Amanda´s last [type] ..Pendulum
My friends and I all wore purple yesterday. It was actually a coincidence, but I’m glad it worked out that way. I can’t imagine what you deal with all the time, I often say a prayer for you and your family. Thank you for sharing with us.
I believe the whole world had dreams of Madeline last night. Happy Birthday sweet girl!
I thought about you guys all day yesterday, hoping you were feeling the love and making it through the day okay. Love you guys.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Happy Birthday- Madeline
I have no words that will be enough. It isn’t right, that’s all. You should have both of your girls with you. Maddie is with you, but not how you need her. I think of you guys every day.
xoxo
And ALSO, that second picture, where you and Mike are American Gothic ghosts and Annie’s all, “I’m'a stand right here, what?” … CREEPY.
xoxo
Alicia´s last [type] ..Scars
As always we all honor the memory of your precious little angel.
Much love and hugs to you.
Maria Delgado´s last [type] ..Stay Tuned For New Recipes!!
I was thinking about you and maddie all day yesterday. Big hugs from KY.
What a beautiful way to remember Maddie.
(((Hugs))) from here, as always.
Jen´s last [type] ..kids say the darndest things
I hope that you dream of her every night. Beautiful post.
you have two very special girls.
You all were in my thoughts all day yesterday. Hoping she filled your sleep.
It sounds like Maddie’s day was well honored. I hope you all had sweet dreams last night.
Beautiful post and amazing pictures. The picture with Mike and you faded into the background behind Annie speaks a thousand words. Maddie is missed and thought of often. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried for Maddie and your family and wished that she was still here.
Such sweet sentiments. She, and all of you, are so loved and so thought of by so many. I, too, wore purple and thought of sweet Maddie Moo all day. Hoping that you got Maddie-filled dreams!
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
There aren’t words from any of us that can bring you comfort I am sure, but I am one of the many who have never met you that cried with you yesterday. And this post has me in tears again. Saying its not fair doesn’t do the situation justice, and if thoughts and prayers and tears could bring your Maddie back I know she would be here.
I can’t seem to find the right words today, but wanted to acknowledge the depth of emotion that I know is behind this beautiful post. Hugs to all of you.
Barnmaven´s last [type] ..Conundrum at Amazon UPDATED
what a beautiful post….thank you once again for letting us into you lives…and into your hearts. my eyes are wet…. :*(
*Hugs*
toastgal/Susan´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday 10-13-10 Foggy Morning
I also wore purple yesterday. Made me happy. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
I gasped, too, many times yesterday.
My girl and I (did I mention she is a month older than Annie?) wore purple, even though it looks horrible on me. (It really does, but I rocked it, anyway.) We got so many compliments! (Hmmmm…maybe I don’t look THAT bad in purple…)
I have never noticed purple as much as I did all the the place yesterday. Everywhere I looked, purple! I even bought a new purple shirt (yeah, despite the fact that it really isn’t my color. I figure it will be great for the MOD walk I am gonna do come April. A new tradition for us). Purple clothes abounded everywhere I looked! And, walking into our home, a dandelion-ish looking weed, but with purple tiny flowers, and one blossom with fluff! I took a few pictures (note to self: buy a macro lens!) When I went back out later to snap a few more, the fluff had been blown away. Wind? I like to think it was angel wishes.
We went on an indoor picnic and met up with other friends in all their purple-iciousness. We took a music class. We celebrated the Life of your girl, and what reading about her has done for our family.
And I, too, watched a few Maddie videos and turned my head so as not to scare my little one. And she clapped her hands and giggled and touched the screen. And my heart grew even larger, because I really think she understood that yesterday was truly a special day, and not just because mommy was home and it was Pop’s (my father’s) birthday.
Thinking of you, Heather. And remembering Madeline, always.
We miss her too.
Precious post for a very special little princess. HUGS I cant find the words
Oh my goodness, just look at your sweet girls! Maddie, so tiny and perfect. Annie, so full and gorgeous (and also perfect!) I think it’s precious that Annie is carrying on the creme puff tradition for Maddie. Much love to you all as you are missing your birthday girl. I think of her often, but especially when the sun shines
Heather and Mike,
You are both wonderful, loving, caring, brave parents to Maddie and Annie. What an impossibly sad way to develop Annie’s relationship with her sister…but you are doing it, even though it must be so incredibly painful. And someday, when Annie understands fully, she will thank both of you for making her wonderful big sister an integral part of her life.
Thank you for sharing both your baby girls with all of us. I sometimes feel clumsy with the words to know how to truly honor your Maddie…but know this…she is remembered. and loved. and missed.
love,
angie
What a special way to remember such a special girl!
The fact that you were able to get out of bed and even get dressed on such a difficult day impresses me.
You were all on my mind all day long.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Hugs!I wore purple to honor Maddie yesterday. Beautiful post.
Thinking about you guys today and always. ((((HUGS))))
I am a quiet reader of your blog. I pray I can give my little one half the love you give little Maddie. You are both such amazing parents. You make me laugh and you make me cry. Best wishes all of you.
And the love you give Annie of course.
i wore purple in honor of sweet little maddie. i had her in my thoughts all day. the picture of the 3 of you breaks my heart, as i can see the sorrow and depair in your eyes.
love and hugs to your family.
Lots and lots of big hugs to all of you. :,(.
What a lovely way to celebrate Maddie. I can totally see Annie celebrating this date for the rest of her life and that makes my heart all warm and cozy. Many, many hugs to you guys.
Feeling teary for you. I said a wish and a prayer that you would dream of Maddie last night before I felt asleep. I hope you did. I thought of you all night.
Much love.
Jenny´s last [type] ..Busy
Sending love your way…
No words *hugs*
I also wore purple on Maddie’s Birthday! We are all so lucky to have known her through your blog.
i hope you got your wish and were visited by your sweet maddie in your dreams last night. she is still inspiring me to live my life to the fullest every day…
i love how you spent the day. purple and cream puffs and sisters and quiet stolen moments of sadness, but most of all big, big love. wow.
xo,
kristen
i so hope you got your wish of a visit from maddie to your dreams last night. she is still such an inspiration to me every day…
and i love how you spent her special day. Three! filled with purple and cream puffs and sisters and stolen moments of sadness, but most of all with a big, big love. wow.
xo,
kristen
I thought of Maddie all day.
Love and hugs to all of you guys
Over the lump in my throat, I say beautiful.
Peace.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Wave a program- wave it high in the air
I think of this song, Start Wearing Purple by Gogol Bordello…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sM1Ahn0Osjo
I hope you don’t feel like you are in a haze.
Like always, my heart aches for you. You all looked gorgeous in your purple clothing. I’m glad you celebrated Maddie’s birthday throughout the day and I’m very happy you have Annie there to hug extra, extra tight. And no, I don’t think she minds it, either
You all look great in purple. xoxo
What wonderful pics. Your words are just beautiful. Lots of hugs to all of you. I wore purple & my beautiful Maddie Bracelet in Maddie’s memory yesterday.
You have all been in my thoughts all week. I will never forget the brightness of Maddie. I’m so glad I got to meet her that one day. Love to you!
We wore purple yesterday, too. Thinking of you all.
Such beautiful words. Thank you for sharing this. You have helped me deal with my recent loss, and am so thankful for your courage to post. Keep on keepin’ on!
Beautiful. Happy Birthday Maddie Moo.
We miss you infinity times infinity plus eternity. We love you infinity times infinity plus eternity plus one.
Oh Heather…such a beautiful and heart-wrenching post.
I will pray that you guys have sweet dreams that warm your heart and fill your soul of your sweet baby Maddie.
Rebecca´s last [type] ..No Shave November
I hope you had a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful dream about Maddie last night!
What a wonderful way to remember your beautiful daughter xoxo
Athina´s last [type] ..Conference Time
We like to say around here ” I love you googolplex times infinity.” Sometimes those words aren’t even enough to describe the love we have…my cup runneth over.
A beautiful day to celebrate a beautiful life.
Weeping. Beautiful beautiful photos. Annie in her beautiful rich deep glory.
::
I did mention you in my talk, Heather. But not your writing or your popularity or your blog stats or brands …. I told everyone: “Today is Madeline’s birthday. She would have been three. You can order a DVD with all proceeds going towards the charity her mum has set up in her name, Friends of Maddie. This is the power of the internet …. to spread the word about things that actually MEAN something. Things that can help people.”
Love you mate. XOXOXOXOX
Thinking of Madeline this week and wiping away tears at your and Mike’s beautiful messages to her.
Danny´s last [type] ..An Unmarried Woman
We missed her with you. Thank you for sharing her with us. {{ hugs }}
I hope that you had beautiful dreams of your sweet girl. You all have been in my thoughts this week.
BecZhang´s last [type] ..how to not be an idiot at the grocery store
you write the most beautiful things to your daughter… absolutely beautiful.
Happy Birthday Miss Maddie! Loving you always and forever… just one more person who’s life you touched. xoxo
I know I’m a day late but I wanted to say how touched I am by your and Mike’s letters to Maddie. They are beautiful, a loving tribute to a special little girl and brought me to tears.
Sending you all warm thoughts from afar.
Liz´s last [type] ..Thinking and Jen
Oh Mike and Heather….my heart aches. What a beautiful life you gave to so many!!! God bless you both xoxo
Thinking of all of you.
I can’t think of anything meaningful, but wanted you all to know I am thinking about you, your Maddie Moo, and praying for you all.
Megan´s last [type] ..Old Love- New Love
It’s 2:30 AM. My daughter (20) and I just got home from the ER. She came in the door earlier crying in agony with a tooth ache. When she gave birth to her baby girl Bells 15 months ago she was quiet as a mouse. I knew she must be in alot of pain. She and I sat together in the car as her friend took us to the hospital. She was totally silent. Then a song came on the radio,”Single ladies”. She took my hand and said “Mom, it’s Maddies song.” She forgot her own pain for a moment and we listened to Maddies song and cried and smiled. And it amazes me that we are in a small village in New Mexico and everything stopped for a moment for your little girl. That she means something special to us. That tiny girl from California is in our hearts and prayers and she is in the hearts of people around the world. There is something amazing and wonderful about that tiny girl. Thank you for letting us all love her too.
Thinking of you.
Many thoughts of you all yesterday. I’m so glad you were all able to be together. Thinking of you again today and hoping good dreams came to you and Mike.
Many thoughts and prayers for you and Mike and Annie.
Rumour Miller´s last [type] ..Camera Strap Giveaway
My eys are filled with tears. I Love how you celebrate Maddies Birthday. Annie is like her sister sooo cute when she eats her cream puff.
All of you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, to all of you!!
just got back from 9 days vacation. Came here to see what beautiful pics I missed. Happy 3rd bday beautiful Maddie! Those eyes, they get me every time I see them. And your sister, she is the cutest thing ever, you wouldn’t be able to quit pinching her adorable cheekers!
Such a beautiful post. Lots of thoughts and prayers for your little family.
Stephanie´s last [type] ..Beef Stew Mistake
Oh Maddie, we’re so glad you were born. We’re so devastated about your death and we’re so proud of your parents for the way they cherish their memories and create new ones.
Damaris @Kitchen Corners´s last [type] ..Kinnikinnick Gluten Free Donuts Giveaway
My mom, myself, and my two daughters baked cream puffs on Thursday. I thought of your Maddie the entire time.
Thinking of you and praying for you.
Maddie and Annie are blessed to have such loving parents.
Em
from Australia
I was thinking of you all day on Thursday. Kristen and I made our way to the NICU again to take a big batch of food to the NICU miracle workers, in celebration of Maddie’s birthday. We left it all from Friends Of Maddie. Her birthday will always be a day on which good things happen!
Kellee´s last [type] ..I Kissed A Woman On Saturday – Yes Really
Purple is my favorite color too Maddie, you’re a smart little girl! I bet God made an exception for you, and you’re the only angel in Heaven with a purple gown, and gossamer lavendar wings. I hope I can meet you some day Maddie, because on this earth I loved you too even though I never met you down here.
**HUGS** to the Spohrs from Michigan.
Happy Birthday to your sweet girl, Maddie.
So much love for all of you.
Happy Birthday Maddie, you are so very missed.
Heather and Mike,
Your Maddie would be so proud of you. You honor her everyday.
My parents had two losses similar to your Maddie. My brother Bruce, died when he was 1 year, one month and 11 days old–on Christmas day. My brother, Jeff, was born the following year and died when he was a little over two, on January 7th, Orthodox Christmas.
I wasn’t lucky enough to see video of my brothers, my parents have films of them somewhere, but I have looked at dozens and dozens of pictures. I’ve heard a few stories. I know all about how and why they died. But it wasn’t until I was older that I “got it”…
My brother, Bruce, would have been 51 yesterday, and how I wish I could have met him.
I don’t know if telling you this has much of a point. I’m a 42 year old woman and I feel like I have something in common with your daughter. I guess what I’m trying to say is keep on keeping on, she might not understand now or even get it in a few years, but as she gets older, she’ll know her sister for the beautiful little girl she was.
God bless all of you.
I was on my way to work this morning, frustrated and running late. I looked up and saw a big bunch of purple balloons in a tree. It made me smile and think of Maddie. She managed to turn my frustrated morning around. Just wanted you to know. Love you!
This is my first time to your site, and I wasn’t expecting this post. It’s beautiful. I cried a little.
{ 1 trackback }