Comments on: Rainbow Paper

By: Ellicott City Mama

Ellicott City Mama — Tue, 05 May 2009 01:44:56 +0000

Another total stranger writing to say . . . . well, I don’t know what to say . . . but saying nothing seems wronger. You are in my thoughts. I’ll never see purple the same way again. Maddie’s smile is beautiful and unforgettable. I’m so sorry for your incredible loss.

By: Jessi

Jessi — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 04:35:24 +0000

*hugs* Thinking about both you and Mike Heathr. I'm so sorry Jessi’s last blog post..Sometimes it takes a sledge hammer to…

By: jenni

jenni — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 03:24:33 +0000

My son died from a pneumothorax, prematurity, cardiopulmonary failure. I don’t have his birth certificate but I have his death certificate. I don’t remember how we got it. Someone gave it to us or mailed it. 10 years later I’m still sorting out my grief.

I remember the ache you feel and my heart breaks for you. I wish I could hug you. Just so you could have something to hold. I’m so sorry. Babies shouldn’t die. It’s just not fair.

By: borysSNORC ™

borysSNORC ™ — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 00:33:37 +0000

I've been reading your story (yours and Mike's) and absolutely weeping for the feelings of loss you have both experienced. I can't imagine that anyone can really know the pain you're going through but I want you to know that I'm thinking of you... even though we've never met. Look after each other. Robyn borysSNORC ™’s last blog post..Maybe I should just stick to the hot wax parties.

By: Holly Daily

Holly Daily — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 16:34:04 +0000

On 3/21/09 a knife was lodged through my heart. That’s the only way I can attempt to explain it. My heart skipped beats, my chest tightened, and there was a hole the size of Texas. My baby girl, Addison Faith, who was born at 25 weeks passed away. I begged and bargained with God as I watched her saturation drop into the 60s then 50s, her heart rate fall to 80 then 60 then 39 before I had to look away. I couldn’t see much of anything through the tear filled puffy eyes but I did manage to see that frightful 3-9. Why do these things happen to innocent babies? I’m sure you’ve asked that a million times, too. Why can God heal some people and not others??? Addison passed away on her 3 month birthday. I held her one time in 3 months. I spent everyday sitting by her isolette, holding her hand, singing, reading, laughing, journaling how all too soon that little finger I was grasping would have a ring on it and then babies of her own. She made it through the dreaded first week, the 4 week, 6 week marker, and surely at 3 months she’d have to make it…right? Well there’s nothing more painful than gathering the courage to release all selfishness and tell your precious baby that its okay to go. It’s okay to go to heaven and wait for mommy. That she’s allowed to let go of all that strength she had been showing during her 3 month NICU stay, because no matter where she was physically, she would ALWAYS be in her momma’s heart. Somehow I had the strength to say all those things to Addie but that same strength is nowhere to be found when its time to get up in the morning, when the death certificates come in the mail, when I enter her name on my tax forms, when caring people call to offer support. It’s all too much. There are times when I just want to go be with her. I want to hug her, protect her, swaddle her. Addison was a twin. Her brother Ashton is still in the NICU and doing pretty well. He *should* be coming home in a couple of weeks without oxygen! It’s been so difficult to enter that NICU knowing my little Addie was not going to be there, to see her spot occupied by a new baby, to miss the sound of her hissing oscillator. The knife in my heart is there every second. I’m so happy for Ashton but I’m terrified. After losing Addison, I can’t imagine brining him home, spending 17+ months with him, then having him suffer a major setback or battle another infection. How do you do it? How am I going to do it? One heart can only break so much.. Thank you for sharing your life at such a difficult and vulnerable time.

By: Denise

Denise — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 05:13:59 +0000

Time to start checking the PO box and forget about the real mail. Hopefully some sunshine will come soon…

By: Andrea Neuman

Andrea Neuman — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:04:11 +0000

I've done nothing but cry the last couple of weeks for your family and for Thalons family. i am so sorry for your loss. I know my words are not enough. Nothing will ever be "enough" again I'm sure. My post last night was dedicated to Maddie and Thalon and I'm only sorry it took me so long to come to terms with my own emotions and get a grip on myself to write it and post it. I am just another stranger, another blogger, another person, who is feeling pain and heartache for your family and for sweet, adorable Maddie. Someone who wishes she could do something, anything, to undo what's been done. Andrea Neuman’s last blog post..For Maddie & Thalon

By: Abby

Abby — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 02:27:23 +0000

I am so sorry.

By: Nikki

Nikki — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 23:08:38 +0000

My heart aches for you & Mike (and all of Maddie’s family). There are no words…

By: Jenna

Jenna — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:10:42 +0000

Maddie was a beautiful little girl and so lucky to have parents that loved her as much as you both clearly did. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine a more excrutiating pain, and yet you have so much grace. You are an inspiration, as is Maddie.