I keep looking at the door, expecting to see her walk through it.
When I roam the halls, I keep waiting to hear her voice.
In the front room, I almost see her twirling.
Every time I turn, I feel like she’s just out of my sight. I think I see her out of the corner of my eye, but the mind plays tricks.
As I pack up the only home she knew, I wonder what she’d think of this new home, where we will continue life. Which room would she have picked? Would she want to share with her sister? Would she have picked out a purple color for her walls, or something new and different? I’ll never know.
I want to know!
The spots where she should be are empty.
I told myself it wouldn’t be hard. I told myself I was ready.
I lied.
Thanks to everyone who has voted for me (by clicking like) for the Babble “Moms Who Are Chaning The World” contest. The winner in each category gets $5000 for their charity, so voting for me is voting for Friends of Maddie. It means so much to us, so thank you again.
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so sorry, just every best wish to you all as you move.
Penbleth´s last [type] ..Hands.
I have been thinking of you all during this transition knowing it must be very hard. Sending loving thoughts toward you.
Molly´s last [type] ..Stereotypical // Only Child Edition
Oh, my heart. I hope your new home feels just like her, too.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing´s last [type] ..Small Style: Teacher, Teacher edition
I have been thinking about you guys and imagining how bittersweet this move must be. Sending you all big hugs.
Love to you my friend!
AmazingGreis´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday – Weather Envy…
Hugs to you, Heather,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I’s so sorry Heather. The house I brought my son home from the hospital to, the house where his “Pop” came hundreds of times to see his boy belongs to someone else now. Leaving it was hard, it was like my Dad leaving all over again. I went back there recently, everything had changed, and that made it worse.
It’s a very difficult transition, I feel for you Heather, hugs to you!
My heart goes out to you, Heather (and Mike)….I think the above commenter said it best, this move must be bittersweet. Hugs to you all.
HUGS to you.
This move must be so bittersweet–and at times so much more bitter than sweet. Know that she is going with you, where ever you go.
I’ve been thinking of your family and how hard this change must be. No one should have to outlive their children. I imagine you’ll always be looking for her. I hope you’ll have sweet dreams of your Moo in the new house.
The line “I want to know!” gave me chills. You have a world of readers who wish fervently that you could know all these things, and so many more. She is with you, and I know that you know this… she will be there with each of you in your new home, because you will make it so. Sending much love.
bessie.viola´s last [type] ..feeber
*hugz*
There are no words…just hugs. I can’t imagine your pain and hope that you feel Maddie’s love today as always.
((((((((hugs))))))). Praying for you. <3
I’m so, so, so sorry. =( I was thinking about how hard this must all be .
Heather & Mike,
Maddie is right there with you every step of the way.
Peace & strength
I’ve been thinking of you and how difficult the move might be even before this post. She’s there with you guys—all around you! Oh Heather…there are no words…just hugs from Kentucky!
Sending so much love your way. No words, just tears and hopes that the move goes well. She is always with you. HUGS
Lisa´s last [type] ..One Month
Her spirit follows you wherever you go. Always.
Rebecca´s last [type] ..Beaches
Oh, Heather.
I know Maddie’s spirit will always be with you, even in this new house, but I also know how hard this move is for you. Sending much love your way.
Pattie´s last [type] ..Looking Up
Even though I have not lost a child, I can somewhat relate to this post. We will be moving in December. I bought my parents house 15 years ago and have made it mine. But this is the last house where the 5 of us lived as a family. My twin brothers have both since passed on.
My parents have moved and now I will be moving. Both of us in houses that Jason and Craig never knew. There will be no more memories lurking around the corners.
I’m excited about my new house but at the same time I am having a hard time with leaving this one.
Praying for you today and every day. Sending you strength to be strong and a hug if you don’t want to be.
Amy Simmons´s last [type] ..Let me tell you ’bout the birds and the bees…
I was expecting this post at some point, but my heart breaks seeing it. I have not ever experienced a loss anywhere near the same magnitude, but I cried like heck every time I have moved, because it just brings out so many memories and emotions. I cannot wrap my mind around how this must be for you…
You have been in my thoughts all week, Heather. The biggest, squeeziest hugs ever.
Please tell me how to vote, I would love to vote. When I click on the link I don’t see anything that screams VOTE at me????
I hope Maddie shows you signs in the new home to let you know she is there and that she loves it too!
Cannot imagine how bitter yet sweet this is for you and Mike both. Lifting you up to help you get through.
((((HUGS)))) from Florida
Just sending lots of hugs and good moving vibes your way. I can’t imagine the emotions that this move will be bringing up. Maddie is with you, every step of the way.
I had wondered how hard this would be on you. I can only imagine how difficult this move is. Excited on one hand, and sad to leave the old place behind. Thinking of all of you.
Thinking of you today….I so wish she were there with you. I know she’s always “with” you but, you know. BTW, I have to give you major kudos for always having a new post (M-F I think right?). Even if some of them may be pre-written (I’m assuming most bloggers do that), it’s so nice always having a new post to read. I know bloggers don’t “owe” us anything at all, if they don’t post I totally get it. But, just wanted to say it’s noticed and appreciated!
OHH Sweetie,
I was wondering how you were feeling about this move in regards to Madeline. I’m so sorry Heather!!! There is NOTHING more I wish than that Maddie be with you today…..every day! She is such a BEAUTIFUL Soul!! To know even just about her, to look at her pictures, hear her little voice, watch her on the video’s is to simply… LOVE her….and to Love and Adore as much as we do…… is to miss her and hurt for you and Mike more than words could possibly say!!! She is loved, just as much as yourself, Mike and Annie are and Mama….that’s a lot of love!
I have been thinking of how hard this may be on your ever since you had first mentioned buying a new home. I have no words of advice, just know that I am thinking of you and praying for the well being of you heart.
Shirley L´s last [type] ..Motivational Art {Tutorial}
It’s ALWAYS hard to leave behind a place you lived with your children, so it’s beyond understandable that this move would be, while exciting, extremely difficult and emotional. I desperately wish I could make it 100% sweet and no bitter for you all. Be kind and gentle with yourself right now. <3
When you first posted that yall were starting to move into the new house, I was wondering how you were holding up thinking about Maddie and stuff, now I know. Hugs to you.
I know it must be hard to leave the only place you lived with Maddie. You will take with you all the wonderful memories you had with her. She will be with you wherever you go forever.
So fucking hard. Sending you so much love and peace, my friend. xoxo
Allison Zapata´s last [type] ..He Likes to Move It Move It.
I wish I had brilliant words for you. All I can say is that I think of you daily.
mccgood´s last [type] ..More things on Tuesday
Heather,
I love you so much.
You will be great as you set out on this new journey.
The new place will be exciting and sad all at the same time.
Sometimes, I drive past Sy & mine’s old house and just think about him and miss him. I have often wanted to knock on that front door just to see what the new owners have done. But even so, I still can sense his presence in our new house from time to time. I still dream of him and think about him.
Just because you move, it doesn’t mean she still isn’t with you. Picking out her new room that would surely be purple.
Many hugs and kisses for you right now.
Your friend,
Meredith
Meredith´s last [type] ..This is an example of what I like to call a “Career Defining Moment”.
She’d love it.
She’d love picking her room.
She’d love choosing a paint color.
She’d probably want to share a room with her sister.
You’re not moving in to a new house that isn’t hers; her place is always with you.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last [type] ..The Better Than, Better Than List o’ Crap!
So sorry, sweet Mama Spohr. I wish she was there running through that beautiful house. She will forever be in so many hearts!
Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. Sending you hugs. Take care.
amourningmom´s last [type] ..August & Awkward Appointments (part 2)
Wishing with all my heart that I could make it a little easier for you.
In a just world she would be with you.
I’m sorry. I wish there was a way to make it right.
Sending love and comfort your way.
Can’t imagine how hard a transition it must be to leave the place Maddie lived and laughed…
Sending you love, comfort, prayers, and hugs.
HUGS thinking of you sweetie <3