Our family on Labor Day 2008
It’s one of the few pictures of all of us. There was always a reason not to take one. Someone was cranky, or had no make up on, or hadn’t showered. We thought we had years to take more family photos.
It still seems unfathomable that she’s gone. Impossible that she’s not coming back. Gut wrenching that we’ll never see her grow up.
It hurts more and more every day.
{ 116 comments }
BEAUTIFUL!!!
.-= Krystal´s last blog ..Sunday Snap =-.
****HUGS****
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Welcome to the bloody show. =-.
A gorgeous photo. I so wish I could take some of your suffering away.
.-= Maria @BOREDmommy´s last blog ..Future Mr. Universe =-.
Oh Heather,
It hurts, yes it does.
A beautiful family…
That is a beautiful photo. I’m so sorry that you’re in so much pain. I wish I could carry it for you, even for just an hour. Wishing you some peace in your heart.
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..If you can’t say anything nice… =-.
love.
and every every wish to lighten your burden.
just.
love.
that is all.
.-= Sara Sophia´s last blog ..Who Shall It Be? =-.
This is such a wonderful photo of you all — look at that big smile on Maddie’s face! I can’t even imagine how much you must miss her. I’m so sorry that it hurts more and move everyday
It’s so not fair.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..They are both yellow. =-.
I guess you’ll just have to treasure this one special photo you have of all of you. You all look so happy together.
It hurts, even I am hurting. Sending you love from halfway across the world…
Of course it hurts. I so wish that it didn’t. I’m here, still listening and pulling for you, for as long as it helps you to (God, “share” is the most ridiculous word ever in this context, isn’t it?).
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Assume we’re ALWAYS grading on a curve =-.
Gorgeous photo, gorgeous family. I wish I could take away your hurt. This is so, so wrong. I hope that binky can helpnumb the pain a little.
Love and hugs to you all
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..New do =-.
I am a family photographer who loves kids dearly. I often take snaps of kids and give the parents my email telling them that all they have to do is email me, and I will send them the pic. I often tell them they don’t have to pay me as they did not book me. It was just me having a good time with a funny kid…
You would be surprised how few parents never bother to mail me, it is as if they don’t want the pic. Lately, I always think of you when I have another parent say to me that I don’t have to send them the photograph… (And it is not because they are bad photo’s…)
Too bad you experienced what it is to have a limited time and never enough photographs…
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Paparazzi on tour… =-.
Looking at this photo makes me happy and sad at the same time. I can’t even imagine how it feels for you.
You have a gorgeous family, in more ways than one. My thoughts are with you always.
Hi Heather,
I know it hurts Sweetie…I wish I could give her back to you…I would in a SECOND! We ALL would!!! Wrapping my arms around you and giving you a warm virtual hug. A Beautiful Picture….A Beautiful Family. Such an incredible loss.
Take Care,
Jenn
That is such a wonderful photo! You all look so amazingly happy. The pain you feel now is beyond my scope to imagine (for which I am grateful), but I do so hope that the memory of such joyful times can ease it even a tiny bit. Love and hugs…
.-= Kate in NZ´s last blog ..Pearl’s idea of heaven =-.
(((Hugs))).
It’s a lovely photo Heather, I’m glad you have it, I wish you had more. All my love.
.-= Bec´s last blog ..Bad Mummy’s back! =-.
That face just melts me- such pure joy.
This is a wonderful photo. I love that you have included your dog too. Such wonderful smiles, especially from your beautiful Maddie.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Only 4 Years Early… =-.
Such a beautiful family.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..A Few Things That The Cake Has Taught Me =-.
What a precious, precious photo, what a special memory of your beautiful and precious girl. I’ve looked at this precious photo of your’s many times before today and wondered every time how on earth it can be that this little ray of sunshine is no longer with her Mum and Dad. Your love and happiness as a family shines through this photo. Your little ray of sunshine has changed the lives of so many people all over the world and your precious girl means something to so many people all over the world. If only she was with you, if only you did not hurt so much. We’re here every day, dear sweet Heather, reading your posts every day, holding you to us every day and wishing that we could carry some of your burden for you. We’re here for you. Thank-you for sharing this photo with us today, thank-you for making us all better parents.
With love dear sweet Heather
your friend, Erica in Luxembourg
Sending hugs – this is a tough weekend for you.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Labor Day =-.
Heather,
That is a beautiful family picture. I’m cranky lately for reasons that seem obsolete when I think of your loss.
Please know that Maddie will never be forgotten!!
xo
What a beautiful family. I’m so very sorry.
Very beautiful picture of all of you. I just wanted to say too that I read you all the time and I am so sorry for your loss.
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Saturday Chuckle – How to look busy at work =-.
sending you love and thinking of you always.
when I read your blog, I am a better person. I stop complaining because really? All the stupid stuff I am upset about won’t matter in a week….
Thanks for helping me keep things in perspective…
.-= Trista´s last blog ..In which I make many unconventional sexual references =-.
What an adorable picture…I hope that one is framed and hanging on your wall.
love you guys
Gorgeous photo… the happiness radiates from it. Still thinking of your family every day… Binky’s and Maddie’s quilt designs are coming along.
Take care, sending you hugs and peace.
Kate
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Involuntary Giggles =-.
I had my iTunes on shuffle, and just when I saw this post, Sarah McLachlan’s Angel starting playing.
and we all know that Maddie IS in the arms of an angel.
*hugs*
I love that picture. xoxoxoxo from CT –
amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..speak into my good ear =-.
Beautiful, Beautiful picture Heather! You should have that one enlarged. You all look so happy. You, Mike and Binky will have that same look soon. I know it won’t be the same as if Maddie were there too, but never forget, she IS there in spirit. It does seem like it gets harder instead of easier…doesn’t it? Relentless! I’m with you on that one sis! Luv Ya! Aunti Shanon
Thinking of you always.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Off =-.
What a fabulous picture!!! And you are right…there always seems to be an excuse to not get a family picture done. I can’t remember the last time we took one…thanks for the reminder. And as always, I wish I could take away some of your pain and sorrow.
xoxo
.-= Pgoodness´s last blog ..The results are in! =-.
That is a great picture, you all look so happy (well, Rigby looks a tad aloof)
So many are thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. I hope you know you’ve touched and continue to touch countless hearts.
One moment at a time…
Unfathomable. Thinking of you.
What a beautiful family photo. Thank you for being so honest with your feelings. You are teaching the world the pain that bereaved parents endure. No one understands that we do not get over the death of a child, that although we can still feel joy, life will never be the same. Hugs, Rachel
You are loved.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..This? Is not OK: Pet Food Edition =-.
what a happy family photo of all of you. i so wish i could help take away some of your pain, knowing full well i can’t. but i’ll just tell you again and again that you are loved and maddie will never be forgotten. small nothings in comparison to how you’re feeling, i know, but true nonetheless.
xo
kristen
Sending you love. It’s all I have.
That’s a really great picture. I’m sorry that you are hurting. This is all so raw for you…
.-= JennK´s last blog ..Crave. =-.
You are such wonderful parents to Maddie, see how wide she smiled in all of her pictures.
Thinking about you every day, and wishing there was some way your pain would lessen.
Rashmi
I dreamed about you all last night. Not creepily.
Love to you all. I wish I could make it all better and bring Maddie back.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..I (don’t) Put The Labor in Labor Day. =-.
Yeah. All last night while NOT sleeping (again) I kept thinking 7 7 7 7 7.
You and Mad have the same smile in this pic
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Say Yes to the natural her =-.
I know that you meant five months in the title, but all I could think was five family members (you, Mike, Maddie, Binky, and Rigby). If only it were five in the way that it SHOULD be. I am so sorry for your pain, which is even more acute today. Sending virtual love and hugs.
Great picture *hugs*
I love how Maddie’s mouth looks exactly like yours in this picture. What a great family photo!
.-= JAR´s last blog ..There’s No Place Like Home =-.
Heather, this weekend has to be so difficult. I had my second miscarriage two years ago on Labor Day, and it still hurts for me to remember- so I can only imagine the depths of your sadness.
I love the family photo and am so glad you have that. Much love.
.-= mandie´s last blog ..time for a vote! =-.
I promise this suffocating pain doesn’t last forever, it would kill you if it did.
I love this picture of your sweet family, that Maddie girl is so precious.
Thinking of you, praying for you, sending you all the love I have.
xoxo
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Last Year =-.
Thinking of you and Mike today and everyday.
That is a beautiful family photo. I’m thinking about all of you today (and always). My heart breaks for you.
Hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Time… =-.
wow. the constant reminders must make the noticable absense shockingly apparent. days like this must be really extra hard. damn you, Life. why must we ‘go through’ everything and not learn the lesson some other way? i feel for you.
and that is one AMAZING photograph. I forgot to say that. Thanks for sharing it.
Your pain is beyond words. My heart aches for you and longs to give you your desires. I will always pray for your comfort and strength.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..ALL PARKING SPOTS SHOULD BE THIS WAY =-.
No words, just prayers and love and all the best wishes for you.
That’s a beautiful picture!
.-= Karen´s last blog ..SOOOO Big =-.
Heather,
I only recently started reading your blog, but have been touched by your story. Madeline was truly a beautiful little girl. I know that your little bun in the oven will be just as beautiful. This is a great family photo, and I have to say, you’ve made me realize the importance of taking photos together even if somebody doesn’t really want to be in the picture!
I’ve been praying for you and Mike. I pray that your hearts will be comforted. I pray for the safety of the newest Spohr. I pray that you will find a peaceful heart.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, emotions, and struggles. Your strength is an inspiration.
Danielle
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..A ride to remember… =-.
What a great picture!
Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..Things I Am Tired Of =-.
What a beautiful, gorgeous family! And yes, it is totally unfair. I just read on Alexa Stevenson’s blog (Flotsamblog) about another little boy who died 2 days before his 1st birthday……but he had a life-threatening illness – Spinal Muscular Atrophy. His name was Ollie. He was born to a couple with infertility issues.
Just not fair. I don’t understand why God inflicts these things on people. It’s something I struggle with in my faith.
I pray purple butterflies for the Spohr family, and blessings upon blessings to be heaped upon you. Grieving is healing, tears are healing. Thank you for sharing Maddie with all of us. You two have reached yet another milestone, and you’re so brave to have done so.
My heart goes out to you. You don’t know me, but I have come to just love you! Maddie is lucky to have you as her parents. Families are forever. Not just til death do you part.
xoxo
I love you. I’m here if you need to talk today. Well, every day, really.
xoxo
.-= AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..A Year Ago, A Universe Apart =-.
what a beautiful moment captured.
Hi Heather,
It is a beautiful pic. It actually inspired me to think that I should go back a couple months and see if I even took any pictures when I was pregnant with my son. I lost my son on April 7th too. And somehow it does feel worse today. I had a hard time last night and only fell asleep out of exhaustion from crying. I am sure this month is hitting me harder because my due date would have been this weekend. So, I completely understand when you said that it seems to be getting worse. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s okay to go around and around in the cycle of grief. It just sucks to be back at this spot, when a couple of weeks ago, I was doing okay. I bet you feel the same way. I understand completely.
((HUGS)) to you on this day.
.-= Julia´s last blog ..Fury =-.
You are all beautiful. I’ll say it again, although Maddie’s life was WAY too short, it sure seems like a happy one. It really seems like you and your dh did your best to have fun and enjoy each other and your wonderful little girl. I think of you often.
Sending you love and peace…
Lovely picture. My heart hurts for you …
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Tastes So Sweet Makes A Grown Man Cry =-.
Hugs. What a beautiful pic.
A vibrant little girl. Hugs to all of you
.-= Gillian´s last blog ..Ouch =-.
Beautiful pic! Sending you hugs! XX
She knew she was LOVED, it’s obvious in every picture! Thanks for sharing- she continues to touch so many lives!
I wish I could ease your pain. I mean it. If I could, I’d take away part of the pain.
I wish you all the best for your future, Mrs. Spohr.
.-= Nadine´s last blog ..The Witchery Tour or how I got the idea of neutering/ castration =-.
I still can’t believe she isn’t here. She is missed so very, very much. I’m here for you ALWAYS.
Love you.
My heart breaks for you.
So glad you have a photo with all of you together…and it is a beautiful photo.
You will smile again, Heather…but it just doesn’t seem possible, does it?
I know it hurts. God bless you as you survive every day without her.
What a beautiful picture!!!
Thank you for posting it.
Such beautiful smiles.
I am sure it doesn’t get any easier.
Just take some comfort however small that you were and are a loving, devoted Mom. She knew how much she was loved and adored just look at that smile.
May God bless you as you go through these days.
Thank God for photography- the picture is incredibly beautiful and so achingly sad in retrospect.
I was so worried when you were sick the other week. Please know I am thinking of you every day.
Thinking of you all. Always and forever.
XOX
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..Five Months: Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds =-.
Heather, Mike and Maddie.
I know there aren’t many words that will make you feel better. It’s easy for so many of us to tell you it will take time. But no one can ever know what it is like to lose a child unless they have been through it. I will say to you to please be strong. You will soon be holding binky in your arms and hopefully she/he will ease some of your pain. I wish all of the hugs in the world. God Bless you all.
What a lovely photo – I’m sorry that it’s the only one!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Labor Day weekend @ Church =-.
That’s a great picture. Thinking of you…
xoxo
Thank you for sharing your family photo. Its beautiful.
Sending you hugs. I hope they can take some of the pain away. Be well
Your pain is so palpable, and I love you for being so honest about it. But I’m grateful that you DID get Maddie, when she wasn’t expected to live at all you DID get fifteen? spectacular, wonderful, memorable months. Each one of them is a gift. A gift that was so beautiful that you only wish for more and more of her. But you DID get her for a brief moment, and I know in your pain you are grateful for that.
Wishing for a moment for you in which you can catch your breath. It is a beautiful, beautiful photo of a beautiful, beautiful family.
.-= Laurie´s last blog ..Lydia’s New Favorites =-.
(((HUGS))) to you all today and ALWAYS!!!
Love you all!
XOXO
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Randomness because I’ve been lazy busy… =-.
What a precious picture… Maddie was so lucky, to know such amazing love all of her sweet little life! I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, but all I can say is that I think of you and pray for you often.
.-= Vera´s last blog ..GO HOGS! =-.
You guys all look radiant in that picture.
Next Labor Day, you’ll have Binky there too. She’ll love hearing all about her big sister Madeline.
Go easy on yourself today. Put your feet up.
Ummm….I wanted to do something for you so I took the pic of you guys and edited it and would love to send it to you but don’t know how. If you want to email me, if you’re interested, then I would gladly send it to you. If not that’s ok. Also, the one I tweeked is a low res one from your post so if you like what I did I’d be glad to get a high res one from you and do the same. Let me know… (Mdawnphoto@gmail.com)
Thinking about you guys.
.-= merlotmom´s last blog ..Autopsy of A Summer =-.
Thank you for sharing this picture.
Gorgeous shot of your beautiful family. I know you will treasure it forever. Hugs to you both.
You should have been given the time to take a million pictures…I am so sorry you weren’t.
Thinking of you.
Peace
Heather,
that is a beautiful photo! I feel so badly that her time here was cut so short. She truly is an angel!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..Here I am, thanks to Legolas! =-.
What a great pic of all of you. And as always, Maddie looks radiant just like her mama.
It is unfathomable to us as well that she is not with you and the world anymore. She is missed so much by us ‘stangers’.
Big hugs to you today,
Jenn in CA
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Giving the Bird =-.
I’m so, so sorry Heather. I can’t imagine how you and Mike feel.
(((((hugs))))))
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..Blast from the Past =-.
That is the most beautiful family picture I have ever seen.
I wish you had her back. It just doesnt seem fair. She really should be here with you guys. I love the Photo of all of you. Bigs hugs to you both.
What a treasure….nothing but smiles…..it is so unfair that she is not here…..hugs
.-= Coloradolady´s last blog ..It’s Now a Three Ring Circus Around Here!!!!! =-.
I can’t believe everything that you have gone through over the past two years plus…. I would not be able to function at all. You are so strong.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Summer is over =-.
What a great picture!
You and your family are always in my prayers. I hope the impeding arrival of Binky is in some small way helping to make your grief somewhat more bearable, even though I know nothing can really take all the pain away.
.-= Lisa_in_WI´s last blog ..Weigh-in, Week 29 =-.
Every time I read your posts about Maddie, I think of my 1-year old son, and I think “My God, my world would completely fall apart if I lost him.” And I think it would. Which is why I so admire you… your strength and your grace, and your generosity in sharing all of this with us.
We don’t have enough family pictures. I realize that now. If the worst thing happened… I only have a handful of pictures of him in my arms. And I know I would want to hold onto that feeling forever. Thank you for yet another reminder of how much we take for granted. ((Hugs))
picture perfect.
thinking of you today. and every day.
.-= amanda´s last blog ..out of office auto reply =-.
I just love seeing you all smiling. It actually makes ME feel better.
I hope and pray that soon you will all be smiling again, with Binky but also at peace with all that you have been through.
I don’t know how or when that will be but I will keep praying!!!!!
I think of you guys every day. Even from the distance of only knowing you through your blogs, I cannot fathom it either. My heart is with you and Mike, and with Maddie.
Thinking of your family always… you have been so strong.
.-= Stacey´s last blog ..Birth Day Part 1 =-.
I hope this doesn’t bother you but I was just sent the best little story about life, love, loss, and God.
I want to post it, it is long but SO worth the read.
It is called The Heart
“Tomorrow morning,” the surgeon began,
“I’ll open up your heart…”
“You’ll find Jesus there,” the boy
interrupted.
the surgeon looked up, annoyed “I’ll
cut your heart open,” he continued,
to see how much damage has been
done…”
“but when you open up my heart, you’ll
find Jesus in there,” said the boy.
The surgeon looked to the parents, who
Sat quietly. “When I see how much
damage has been done, I’ll sew your
heart and chest back up, and I’ll plan
what to do next.”
“But you’ll find Jesus in my heart. The
Bible says He lives there. The
hymns all say He lives there. You’ll
find Him in my heart.”
The surgeon had had enough. “I’ll tell
you what I’ll find in your heart.
I’ll find damaged muscle, low blood
supply, and weakened vessels.
And I’ll find out if I can make you well.”
“You’ll find Jesus there too. He lives
there.”
The surgeon left.
The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery,
“…damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle
degeneration.
No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy:
painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:
here he paused, “death within one year.”
He stopped the recorder, but there was
more to be said. “Why?” he asked aloud.
“Why did You do this? You’ve put
him here; You’ve put him in this pain; and You’ve cursed him to an
early death. Why?”
The Lord answered and said, “The boy,
my lamb, was not meant for your
flock for long, for he is a part of My
flock, and will forever be.
Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you
cannot imagine.
His parents will one day join him here,
and they will know peace, and
My flock will continue to grow..”
The surgeon’s tears were hot, but his
anger was hotter. “You created that
boy, and You created that heart. He’ll
be dead in months. Why?”
The Lord answered, “The boy, My lamb,
shall return to My flock, for He has
done his duty: I did not put My lamb
with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb.”
The surgeon wept…
The surgeon sat
beside the boy’s bed; the boy’s
parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, “Did you cut open my heart?”
“Yes,” said the surgeon.
“What did you find?” asked the boy.
“I found Jesus there,” said the surgeon.
Author Unknown – Celebrate Jesus in 2009
God Bless you Spohr Family
If I can look at this photo and find it impossible that she is no longer here with us, with YOU, I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you to digest every single day. I wish it got easier, but I am sure it does not.
Binky is so lucky to have you has her mom.
.-= Miss MVK´s last blog ..My best friend’s birthday =-.
aww…shes so tiny..*hugs*
Beautiful family photo.
I’ve been stalking your blog for a while now, by the way, but this is the first time I’m commenting…not sure what to say, but I wish you all healthiness in this pregnancy.
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..Holding Back =-.
If it is any consolation (and probably not), My mom had a miscarriage and 2 still born before going on to have 6 healthy babies.
Think as Binky as your just reward and treat him or her with all the love and kindness you would have bestowed on Maddie AND more immediately Binky. Your baby to be is doubly blessed.
I know you both feel completely awful now but in a few short months you will have another baby to love and cherish.. And can’t help but feel he or she is going to get double the love with Maddie’s passing. Which is wonderful. Because no one can love a child TOO much really.
I know you are both dealing with much now but hopeful your new baby brings you much joy as she/he is deserving. Do not deny any love to new baby in your grief over Maddie. Binky is coming and deserves all your love and attention
Which I am sure she/he will get in spades!
So sorry for all you have to deal with losing your beautiful daughter and hope things become easier for you both soon in time.. Maddie will never be replaced but soon you will have another beloved child. Very good medicine.
I’ve seen that picture before but never knew it was taken last year on Labor Day. I read this post and immediately got that pit in my belly again. It’s all so wrong…everytime I think about your loss, that’s all I can think.
Thinking of you guys…as I do every day…
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..The elephant in the…crib? =-.
What a great picture! Even the dog looks good.
.-= Alli´s last blog ..Friend Makin Monday…or Tuesday! =-.
You are such beautiful, loving, adoring parents and that is an amazing family photo.
love you, love you, love you
The four of you are beautiful together. Just beautiful.
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..WW – Cousins Rock! =-.
You have a very nice family picture. what happened was really sad, but she’s not gone. She’s watching over you. She’s now her sister’s guardian angel.
.-= harafish´s last blog ..poem of the day =-.
Beautiful photo.
I, too, am inspired by you and your blog–to cherish what we have, and not get bent out of shape by small things–and compared to your suffering, it is all small stuff.