Mike and I decided to have a housewarming party on Saturday. Which means this week we’ve been busting our butts doing all the things around the house we should have done over the two months since we moved in. You know, like unpacking the non-essential boxes, assembling new furniture, and finally putting things on walls.
We have a nice long hallway that all the bedrooms are off of, and I’ve been plotting the photo display for the biggest wall since we moved in. I finally purchased all the frames, my dad came over to help me install wall anchors and screws, and my frames are all hanging nicely on the walls. They just need photos.
photos *I* took, not these random boat photos
There are two large frames, and I’m going to put a photo of Annie and Maddie in each. I know exactly which photo I want to use of Annie:
I don’t know which picture to use of Maddie.
I know which ones of her I’m going to use in some of the other frames, but I’m agonizing over this picture. I’ve been going through photos, looking for a gem that I may not have seen for a while. I’ll find one that’s almost right, except she’s looking down, or the shade is across half her face, and I’m so mad at myself for not making sure each photo was perfect. With Annie, if I don’t get the picture just right, I keep snapping away. I wish I’d done that with Maddie. I just thought I’d have more time to get those flawless photos.
I keep hoping that there will magically be a new photo. And there won’t be. This picture has to be perfect because unlike Annie’s photo, I won’t replace it when she gets older. Maddie will always be stuck in time, thousands of imperfect photos memorializing my sweet girl.
{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }
The technical aspects of the photo don’t have to be perfect. I think we can all understand how this is such an important decision for you but Maddie was perfection incarnate and you could put up a photo of her foot and it would still be beautiful.
If there is one that I think captures her spirit, though, I would go for http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3379049483/ I love it.
And I couldn’t help but play around with it to explore its potential. She really is breath-taking.
http://i56.tinypic.com/23ifbrt.jpg
I couldn’t agree more. This is such a beautiful picture of Maddie. Her big beautiful eyes are sparkling and full of her spirit, framed by those long curly lashes and those crazy Maddie eyebrows. It’s perfection.
Every photo of Maddie that I’ve ever seen has been so beautiful and breathtaking that I can’t even begin to describe it. Whichever picture you choose, it will perfectly capture her incredible spirit, her vibrance, and the joy she brought to all of us.
Bee´s last [type] ..Thinking…
Like her older sister, Maddie was beautiful but I really adore the photos of her in the park (I think?) in the yellow top/dress? Also, have you considered printing them in black and white? I have a similar wall of photos with different sizes of black frames and printing them in black and white really gives it an artsy look.
Ooohh Sweet Heather! Please don’t put your photographs down. I think their PERFECT b/c look at the time they were taken….you were a young, new mommy who like most mom’s idolized, loved and celebrated her new baby.
Too me, the pictures are all perfect b/c it was through these “thousands of imperfect photos memorializing your sweet girl” that I was introduced, came to adore, fall in love, grieve and miss this incredible, little soul who was taken way too soon.
Don’t you see Sweetie, the pictures are perfect b/c the eye that took them looked at her subject not with “technical perfection” but with unconditional love and devotion!!
I can definitely see your need to pick out the Perfect picture of Maddie but I have complete faith that will happen b/c whatever picture is chosen, will be so by the 2 people in this world that loved that little girl the more than anyone….with every bit of their beings and souls.
And so I ask you…”How can any picture picked out of such extreme and profound love be wrong”??? It’s simple…..it can’t be.
I love the one on your web page…in the yellow shirt…it is the an awesome photo.
Gorgeous photo of Annie, and I can’t wait to see the photo that you choose of beautiful, little Maddie, to put right alongside of her sister!
Heather — every photo you have of Maddie is perfect, because they’re of Maddie. Choose the one that makes you feel her presence the most, and forget about angles and lighting and colour saturation. It’s not about those things. It’s Maddie, and whatever photo makes you see her. (I understand how it might be hard to choose though — every single photo you took captured her loveliness.)
Danielle´s last [type] ..All Creatures, Great and Small
I agree. She is beautiful in all of her photographs that I have seen. But I adore the yellow dress…like a ray of sunshine.
Shan´s last [type] ..What The Heck Is A Bearcat Anyway?
But she was perfect, and so is your love for her! Any picture of her will be amazing.
I agree with the others. ANY picture you choose will be perfect because the subject is so beautiful and special. I also adore the photos of her in the yellow dress as others have said. But I can also understand why those particular photo’s may be hard for you to use because of the timeframe that they were taken (if I am remembering right).
I don’t think I’ve seen a bad picture of Maddie. While I understand the need to find a perfect picture, I don’t think a perfect picture has to be devoid of shadows or has to have the person looking right at the camera. Those things add character and truly capture a moment.
Kristin´s last [type] ..What The Fuck Wednesday: The Shoe Whore Edition
A picture of you and Maddie together.
i second this idea from Bampa… and any picture of Maddie = perfection and is priceless…
Great idea! The picture of Mike, Heather, Rigby and Maddie at the football game is a good one.
I’m SOOO glad you prefaced your blog entry by saying those were NOT your photos of the boats. I looked at your wall collage before reading the blog and thought, hmmmm…why does she have those boats hanging sideways! HA! As you can tell, I am NOT an artist or a photographer!
I love the picture you’ve chosen of Annie! I also agree with others that the gorgeous shot of Maddie in the yellow dress you have on your blog is absolutely breathtaking!
I’m sure whatever you decided will be perfect!
Good luck with the housewarming party!!
Tha photos of Madeline that particularly stood out to me are the ones of her in the yellow dress. She was so, so lovely and full of light. There is a photo of you, Mike and Madeline all together that is in your memorial video that is also just gorgeous.
I wish you could hang video in a frame, because I love the videos of you guys sitting in front of the computer and saying “woooooow” into the camera. I don’t think I’ve looked at those videos since around the time that Madeline passed, but I remember them as clear as day because they are so sweet and funny. Hugs to you — I really feel from this post how otherwise small and mundane decisions can be so challenging.
every time I hear “wow” i think of Maddie and that video
there are so many beautiful pictures of Maddie that you have shared with us…she was perfect and so any picture that you choose will be as well.
ps…annie’s picture=stunning
Your last paragraph brought tears to my eyes. I can feel your pain through your words and my Momma-Heart is aching for you. Sending you hugs across the country.
I agree with everyone above, any photo you choose of your darling Maddie will be the perfect one. And that photo of your Annie is gorgeous!
Good luck with your party – hope you have a great weekend.
xoxo, Momma Lioness Michele
Momma Lioness Michele´s last [type] ..From Daddy to Drake
Pictures of Maddie may or may not be perfect , but she was a PERFECT girl. I think I can understand why the decision to choose a perfect picture would be so difficult for you .
What I think should not matter and I don’t know much about photography, but I love the pictures of Maddie in the yellow dress.
I’ve seen many, many beautiful photos of Maddie. One of my favorites, actually, is a less-than-perfect shot of her on an airplane, in her pink overalls, with her Abby Cadabby doll her side. The photo in your frame doesn’t have to be perfect. It will be beautiful because it’s Maddie! And if you choose one now and come across another gem in six months, you can put that one up too.
That photo of Annie is also gorgeous. You are such a talented photographer.
I must say, I don’t think there could possibly be a “bad” picture of Maddie! Who cares if the lighting or balance or position isn’t technically “perfect”…if it’s a picture of her, it IS perfect! I personally love the last photo you had taken of her. The one in the yellow dress, at the park(?) after the birthday party! For some reason, when I think of Maddie, that’s the image that comes to mind! Just my 2 cents! Love, hugs and blessings!?
I agree with some others – there’s no way there could be an imperfect picture of Maddie.
None of my kids’ pictures are perfect. But when I look back at them, what I see is their personality or what we were doing at the time – look how Kevin used to stick his tongue out all the time when he smiled, remember what a great time Jake had at the train museum, see how excited Katie was on her first day of kindergarten. Maddie is beautiful in all her photos, and when people look at them, they’ll see it too – not where she was looking or the shadows. Pictures capture memories and, like the rest of living, memories are never really perfect, but they sure can be wonderful and beautiful.
For me, it would have to be one of Maddie in the pretty little yellow sundress. I just love that picture and whenever I think of her or picture her in my head…it’s always that picture.
That photo of Annie is perfection. Truly. I know you have tons of perfect photos of Maddie too. I’ve seen them. Somehow though, I’d bet the one you truly want doesn’t exist. Because it would be her now.
I’m so sorry that you can’t have that Heather. Huge hugs to you honey. Give it time, you’ll remember one that will be perfect in that frame.
Issa´s last [type] ..A year ago Friday
It seems to me that I’ve seen 100′s of perfect pictures of perfect Maddie on your blog. At least they look perfect to me. How about one of the ones in the yellow dress like the one on the Friends of Maddie link? I so wish you had both your girls with you.
I have nothing but compassion, wish I had more.
Amanda´s last [type] ..Monday Ever After
I know you will find the right photo of Maddie to put up there. Please let us know which one you pick! And the photo of Annie is absolutely stunning. Such a doll!
Can I make a suggestion?
Print up 4 pictures of Maddie, one from each season of the year. Switch the pics every 3 months. Annie will get to see many different pics of Maddie, you will too. It’s an important display, I’m sure no matter which one you choose, it will be beautiful.
Heather´s last [type] ..Married sex and pregnancy and buying a home
I LOVE this idea!!!!!
I love this idea too! I was going to suggest pretty much the same thing. Why pick one when you can pick many and keep changing them out? And I believe there are SO many pics of Maddie that would be beautiful because SHE was beautiful!
Heather if it helps I love the picture of Maddie with the big toothy grin and the yellow dress.
Yellow dress pictures for sure are beautiful. You captured her beauty and her spirit and the lighting is exquisite. Good luck with whatever you choose.
Heather,
I haven’t commented in a while, but that face is too beautiful not to say something about! Annie looks amazing in that photo and I know there are so many gorgeous photos of her big sister! Can’t wait to see the one you choose!
Hugs,
Liz
I like the idea someone suggested above of printing up many shots of Maddie and changing it out a few times a year so that Annie can also see different pictures of her beloved big sister.
I’m no photographer but I’ve never seen a imperfect picture of Maddie. Her eyes just lit up the shot no matter if she was laughing, crying or being serious. She was and still is such a beautiful soul. Those eyes, oh those eyes!!!
Two of my favorites are :
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3412566805/in/set-72157615063301245
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3451063365/in/set-72157615063301245
I hope you have a fabulous housewarming and no matter which photos you choose they will be perfect!
Have you tried importing a photo you like into Lightroom? I have had several that I was able to salvage that way. I hope you will find the right picture.
I am so picky about mine and, like you, I am a developing momtographer, and I AM improving, but I get very frustrated when I get a perfect shot of someone else’s baby and I wish I had been at that level when Saeryn was that age. I can only imagine how you must feel.
Big hugs, Heather! I am praying and sending positive thoughts that the perfect shot finds its way into your hands.
I wanted to add…I really like this one: http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3164172693/in/set-72157616478470827/
First, that picture of Annie is perfect!! She looks adorable, as always
One picture of Maddie that I always think about, is the one where she is dressed up in winter gear. She has on a knit hat, knit sweater, gloves and stockings and she looks absolutely beautiful in that picture. Not just b/c she IS beautiful, but her joyous spirit seems to shine through! Good luck in your search and I can see why it would be hard to pick just one
Best!
I haven’t read through all the comments, so maybe someone has already suggested this, but… is there a photo which may be imperfect visually, but evokes a perfect moment? A picture that takes you back to a particularly happy day, or makes you think of a really lovely memory? You’ll see this photo every time you walk down the hall. I’d try to make sure that the photo is one that brings you happiness, even if the lighting or facial expression aren’t perfect.
Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts´s last [type] ..If You Don’t Know, Just Ask
I always find it so hard to pick the perfect photo. I can totally understand. I know that you have so many great ones, that you will find the right one to evoke all the love you have for the super special daughter that Maddie is.
Kelly´s last [type] ..The Plastics*
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3313706146/in/set-72157616478470827 – sparkly eyes
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3272380981/in/set-72157616478470827 – puree silly happy typical maddie
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/2874110451/in/set-72157616478470827
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/2773874010/in/set-72157616478470827
or a yellow dress one!
(Sorry, got carried away enjoying maddie pics)
Oooooo, I love the sparkly eyes one. Beautiful.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3380903404/in/set-72157615063301245/
I love this one. Her eyes are like jewels.
Oh Heather. This brings so many tears to my eyes. Please don’t call them imperfect. They are all perfect because Maddie, and her wonderful spirit, are all captured in each one. Whichever you choose will be lovely, I just know it. However, I can understand your wish for just a few more pictures – really fabulous ones where everything you want is captured. I am so sorry you can’t have just one more day with her to take all the pictures you want..
I bet any photo you choose will be perfect. I am glad I kept reading becasue I was looking at the sailboat pictures and scratching my head saying to myself “umm some of those pictures are sideways” yup it pays to read all that way through =)
mccgoods´s last [type] ..Catch up
The picture of Annie is adorable. I agree with the other commenters – all the pictures of Maddie are perfect. I wish you had more time with her to take others too. (I am always searching for more pictures of Sawyer – in his 6 weeks with us there just were not enough. I was so happy the other day when I discovered a whole bunch my dad had taken.). Take care.
Lanie´s last [type] ..Frustration & Phillies Fans
I am certain you will find the perfect one for the frame – you could see “Maddie” in every picture of her regardless how well-composed the photo may be. Best of luck on the search and you are BRAVE to welcome people in only 2 months post move-in.
I do not know which program you use for editing but with Adobe Photoshop Elements you can edit her pictures to take the shade off of her face. Also each of the pictures I have seen of Maddie are lovely!
It doesn’t matter what I think, but I love this one:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3608651434/in/set-72157603209551757/lightbox/
You could crop it to be more of a close up shot of her face, similar to Annie’s. Hugs to you!
Miche´s last [type] ..Hey Monday 6 Months
I second this one.. I love it. She looks sooo cute..
I love this one too!!!
I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I can still empathize. I know it’s totally not the same thing and is on a completely much much lesser level than what you’ve been through, but I just lost my 2nd baby at 11 weeks pregnant, and one of the things that has crossed my mind and I’m having difficulty with is the fact that I will never have ANY picture of him or her. The ultrasound I had did not detect a baby at all, so they were unable to capture even that type of image for me, but when I miscarried I saw the baby for just a moment, and I have their image in my mind. I worry about that memory fading in time, and ultimately I was the only one who saw it so no one else can quite understand it the way I do. I wish I had at least one picture to hold on to.
It’s a different experience, obviously, I guess I’m just finding my heart going out to you and Mike, and everyone else who has experienced the loss of a child, more than ever. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my son who is almost 3, given how horribly I am reacting to losing a baby at 11 weeks. I didn’t even get the chance to know who they were, and yet the loss feels so intense.
I’m sure it won’t be easy, but you will find the picture that you feel is right to frame. I know it’s not the same as having both your girls with you, but I’m so glad you now have Annie to help brighten up your days. I don’t know what I would do if I was going through the feelings I am now, but didn’t have my little boy to help keep me from totally losing it.
Take care, and enjoy your new home.
Elizabeth´s last [type] ..The tears won’t stop
Pick a photo of Maddie when she was truly in her element. You know, one where you can hands-down see that damn, she was the happiest girl on the planet at that moment. Those special moments shine through, and it would definitely be a ‘perfect’ photo.
Loving all the pictures you share of both your girls <3
Delurking (for maybe the second time in my year and a half or so of reading your blog) from all the way in Australia to say I am thinking of you. Absolutely inadequate words, I know, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, Mike, Annie & your beautiful, beautiful Maddie girl & send lots of love your way … every time we watch Sesame Street here (I have a little girl, Chloe, who is about a month older than Annie) & Abby comes on & talks about her Mummy I send a wish that Maddie’s Mummy will be wrapped up in lots of love, kindness & comfort & whatever she needs each day to get through. Much, much love to you all from across the miles xx
I struggle with this too. I actually have video of us with our daughter as an infant and I get so upset with myself when I watch it because I am not paying ENOUGH attention to our daughter who passed away. I never knew then that there would not be more time and that I should have been taking in every second of her time with us. I have very few pictures of her because she passed away as an infant and wish I had more to chose from but no matter how many we have it will never be enough.
Jessica´s last [type] ..A Tribute to You
PS: I should say Maddie’s Mommy, not Mummy
. We spell it with a “u” here, but I know you guys spell it with a “o”, so whoops on my part 
.
Every photo of Madeline is perfect, because Madeline is in them.
Since others have offered suggestions, I don’t feel so bad saying that I had a look through your flickr collection, too, for ideas-
http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3189471043/in/set-72157612883036903/ : D
I think that picture would do wonderfully in a frame.
As soon as I read the title I started humming the Snoopy theme song in my head.
I agree with so many others that there are many wonderful pictures of Maddie. I understand, though, that there could never be “enough” or a photo perfect enough to capture Maddie’s vibrant spirit.
I love the yellow sundress pictures. I also like the park swing pictures. The movement really looks like a moment in time. The twinkle in Maddie’s eyes always makes me think she was sharing an inside joke with you.
http://m.flickr.com/#/photos/plasticcandy/3380903920/in/set-72157615063301245/
That picture of Annie is amazing. LOVE IT!
AmazingGreis´s last [type] ..Hump Day Randomness…
Oh God how do you do this, I have read your blog for over 2 years and I have laughed and cried! Today I am crying my precious six month old niece died in a tragic accident. I don’t know what to do, this is awful. I read a week or so ago your advice on grief and I can’t remember what it said but I may need to look because I don’t know what to do for my sister, I just don’t! This is the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. I am so sorry you had to feel even an ounce of this pain Noone should have to!
Jesika
I read with horror your story of your niece that just passed. I am so sorry. Having gone through grief many times I am going to tell you to just be there for your sister. Every day. Or as much as you can. You just have to be there. Crying with someone is more healing that crying alone. You just have to listen and be there.
Hugs and hugs
Marie
oh Jessica, I am so sorry! Just like Marie said, just be there for your sister in every way you can possibly be. If you want to email me, my email address is thespohrs at gmail.com.
Wow, that picture of Annie is beautiful. And I agree with the others – the one of Maddie in the yellow dress is a great one. But Bampa had a great idea and I’m sure you have pictures of Maddie and you together. Or keep changing it out and then you can see her as she grew.
I just love how much you love your girls. It’s really something to watch.
Hugs from Minnesota
Marie
I think ALL your photos of Maddie are oh-so-gorgeous and so much better than any photo I’ve ever taken of my kids. I particularly love the series in the yellow dress. I think it’s just that your photography skills have evolved since then so you’re your own worst critic. Just chose the one that speaks to your heart and don’t worry about shadows, etc. I can’t wait to see the finished wall
You have so many great pictures of Maddie. I can see why this is a painstaking decision. My vote is to pick one, any one, and change it out on a regular basis too, just like Annie’s.
I love the pics of her out in the sunshine with her little yellow dress on.
“Maddie will always be stuck in time, thousands of imperfect photos memorializing my sweet girl.”
This makes my heart ache.
“No.
ALL photos of Maddie are PERFECT.”
Here are some photos of Maddie I find amazing:
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3379049483/in/set-72157603209551757
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3412574259/in/set-72157603209551757
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3403160769/in/set-72157615063301245/
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3412567203/in/set-72157615063301245/
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3413373470/in/set-72157615063301245/
These (however) are the essence of Madeline (there are no words):
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3412566705/in/set-72157615063301245/
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3412566805/in/set-72157615063301245/
-http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticcandy/3412566567/in/set-72157615063301245/
Makes me want to put either photo as my desktop photo. But I won’t, because it wouldn’t be appropriate. Still…that girl of yours…amazing. <3<3<3
Sigh.
I hope she always find her way into your dreams.
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