This post is sponsored by the American Cancer Society, who I firmly believe helped my grandma reach 77 birthdays. Thank you ACS for everything you do.
My grandma had surgery when I was sixteen years old. My parents totally downplayed it, so I wasn’t worried. She was 70 years old but a tough little bird who had survived so much. She was only in the hospital for a few days, giving me the rare but exciting opportunity to drive her car to and from school.
It wasn’t until later that my brother and I were told that the surgery was because she had colon cancer. And it wasn’t until much, much later that we were told the doctor said to her, “if there are any trips you want to go on, take them now.”
My grandma didn’t want to go on any trips. She wanted to see her four grandkids grow up. Kyle and I were juniors in high school, and my cousins Leah and Timolyn were in middle school. After Gram recovered from her surgery, she went back to the grind of helping my parents shuttle my brother and me around. School pick up, voice lessons drop off, pick up at the track meet, drop off at work, shop at the mall. She was always there and always did anything for us.
I remember hearing her cheer for me after I gave a speech at my high school graduation. She helped me pack for college and sent me a letter every week, even though I was only an hour away. The day I graduated from college she danced around, singing the school fight song, pride on her face. Leah graduated from high school a month later and my grandma’s smile couldn’t have been bigger. When I got my first “real” job, I sent her emails from my office and my parents would print them out so she could read them. She loved hearing my crazy stories about my work and social life. The next year Kyle finished college and Timolyn graduated from high school, and my gram was so happy. It was seven years after her surgery.
After we had all graduated, my Grandma started to decline. My dad visited me at work to tell me that the end was coming – Gram had seen us four kids into adulthood. I couldn’t really grasp it. I still needed her! It wasn’t until I got older that I realized how hard she had fought, through chemo and a colostomy and pain. She did it for us, and it has profoundly impacted the way I look at each day, especially after Maddie died. Grandma suffered profound loss but still got so much joy from making her loved ones happy, and I try to do the same.
I have the last few birthday cards she sent me. Every year she would make me whatever pie I wanted for my birthday – I usually wanted something hard to make like custard or lemon meringue. Her birthday was almost a month after mine, on July 23rd. On her birthday, all her kids and grandkids would gather together, and we’d sing her happy birthday. I wish she’d made it to birthday 78, but I am so thankful for the twenty-two birthdays I spent making her smile.
two days after I graduated from USC
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
So lovely. My own dear Gran died just two years ago this month and I miss her dreadfully, although of course I’m glad we had her with us for so long. Some other members of my family had far fewer birthdays, but the time they spent with us was much enhanced by the services of our own local Cancer Society. They do a wonderful job.
Jenn says:
Grandma are special and yours sounded Amazing! I can just see her dancing in Heaven with Maddie!!! Thanks for sharing such a personal post! It was lovely….just like your Gram!!!
virginie says:
That post just made me cry…. I miss my Grany SO much. Looks like she was as tough as yours and that they overflew ours lives with joy and love. Guess I wasn’t ready to become an adult so fast (right I’m 37 but still!) Thanks for this post
Susan says:
I love this post. I didn’t have grandparents as they were all gone by the time I was 7. However, I had a very special aunt who in all purposes was a grandma to me and my brother. She only lived a subdivision away and we skipped, walked, biked, ran, roller skated, skate boarded over there sometimes more than once a day!! She was one of my mom’s older sisters. She fed us junk and healthy food. She put us to work. If she was weeding when we came, we weeded right along side her, if she was dusting, we dusted! We loved her. I had a baby young and she was the first one in to visit – no judgment – just love and support. I loved her. And then we get the devastating news that this dear aunt had colon cancer at 55. I then encouraged, loved and supported her and did she struggle. Horrible disease. We lost my dear aunt at the age of 60 and that has now been 20 years ago. My baby that she saw 1 day old is now 21. I think my biggest disappointment is that my aunt wasn’t a part of my kids lifes. I miss her today so much. And yes, I too, thank American Cancer Society and the Hospice program so much and contribute when I can!! Thank you for the post.
Lanie says:
I am so happy that your Gram had 7 more birthdays. I am so grateful for every day I have with my grandfather. He too had colon cancer when I was 8. I did not realize until much later all that he goes through sunce his colonostmy. He is now 99! He is amazing and I appreciate every visit with him. Thank you for your post and to the American Cancer Society. Take care.
TamaraL says:
She was beautiful Heather. So glad you got the time with her that you did.
Stephanie says:
My husband and I got a call late last night that his Grandmother’s health is deteriorating very quickly. We’re making plans to go this weekend to see her one last time. I just hope we make it. We’re so lucky to have had her come to our wedding in February.
Christy says:
Grandparents are SO special! I loss my last 2 this Spring. I was especially close to my Mom’s Dad who died this year on Memorial Day 16 days after his 93rd birthday. He served as a father to my sister and I after our parent’s divorce 30 years ago. I will be forever grateful for having the chance to live near and become close to my Papa.
Shan says:
My mother was a cancer survivor (it makes me cry typing this), sadly it was somthing else that took her from me/us. The American Cancer Society is a wonderful organization, I am happy to see that you are affiliated with them Heather and spreading the word about the good work they do.
Shan says:
My mother was a cancer survivor (it makes me cry typing this), sadly it was something else that took her from me/us. The American Cancer Society is a wonderful organization, I am happy to see that you are affiliated with them Heather and spreading the word about the good work they do.
Melli says:
I’m glad you got more time with her.
Glenda says:
I’m happy for you that you got 7 more years with your grandma.
My mother was sick for 3 mos.
Diagnosed a week prior to passing in 2004 from Pancreatic Cancer.
To cancer I say “F***Cancer”
Anna says:
I know you miss your Gram, but you are blessed to have had so much time with her (she and I share a birthday, by the way!). My grandmother died of breast cancer when I was four years old, and I hate that I didn’t get to really know her.
Jen says:
Your Grandma would be proud and honored to read how you felt about her, though all Grandma’s know how their Grandkids feel about them I just lost my Grandma this past June, seeing what you wrote about her brought tears to my eyes.
Eva Havens says:
First let me say thank you so much for the RT a few days ago. My very best friend Danielle is currently fighting to make it to number 30 and it isn’t looking very optimistic right now. She just turned 29 last September and has been battling her cancer on and off since she was 25. It has now spread to her brain, her lymph glands, her lungs and both breasts. She has been off of her most recent chemo for a few weeks while they did some more biopsies to confirm it had spread to her breasts and brain (one of the worst aspects of her cancer is that it is rare and chemo resistant so in her case all of her metastases have occurred WHILE she is on chemo) and she goes back on December 6 to find what, if any, treatment options they can come up with now.
Her 7 year old son is having such an incredibly hard time through all of this, she is so sick and they have lost almost everything because of her cancer. She has not been able to work for almost two years and her husband can’t work anymore because he is her caretaker and he would make less than it would cost to have their son in daycare and to have a home health aide take care of Dani. She lost her insurance bc she maxed out her benefits and is currently receiving care at MD Anderson Cancer Center, one of the few hospitals in the world with doctors who have any experience treating Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma, the rarest of her three cancers. She gets her care thanks to an indigent patient grant but has to commute 5 hours each way to Houston and back every week for treatment, leaving her son with grandparents. In Texas her disability payment (their only source of income) is too much money to qualify for Medicaid and they have long since burned through their savings. They borrow various cars to get to Houston and back (they don’t have one) and they have to sell off their possessions to pay for gas. They stay with a couple in their 70’s who opened their home up without ever having met Dani and her husband Josh because their alternative would have been sleeping in the car.
The whole situation sucks the big one. Cancer has robbed them of everything but their home, which they came within days of being foreclosed on when her disability application was finally approved, enabling them to get a loan modification. Her disability check just covers the house payment and utilities. I hate cancer. I hate with a fiery passion. I am so terrified of losing my best friend, of her family losing their daughter, mother and wife.
We need more birthdays. We need more funding for research into rare cancers. The reason her cancer is so hard to treat is that it is so rare that there has been virtually no research done with it because there is not a huge financial gain for a company that comes up with an effective regimen. I have begun a fundraiser for her family to enable them to buy Christmas gifts for their son, who at 7 still believes very much that gifts come from Santa and who wouldn’t understand waking up to nothing; and to try and cover the costs for them to keep getting back and forth to Houston each week for her medical care. People keep saying I’m such a great friend for doing it, but I don’t think I’m great at all. I’m doing it because cancer has made me feel so useless, so powerless to do anything to make any of this better. I’m a nurse who is having to sit by and watch one of the most important people in the world to me waste away. The fundraiser is what I do to feel like I am doing SOMETHING, so I don’t just sit around and cry and scream and get mad.
When my nephew (who I had raised for a time) died, Dani was the person who kept me sane and held my hand and understood me and how I felt. Cancer is robbing us all blind.
Please God we need more birthdays. I know the world isn’t fair but this just so so so unfair.
Sorry this got so long, clearly I have strong feelings on the subject of more birthdays. I just thought this post was very timely and I wanted to tell you that I appreciated your RT of the fundraiser website link. The fundraising is what I have to contribute and it meant a lot to me that after all of the comfort and joy I have gotten from your site (my nephew died shortly before your Maddie Moo and this has been a godsend) that you would do such a seemingly small thing.
I’m sure your grandmother was a wonderful woman and this was a very touching tribute to her. Thank you.
katrina @ They All Call Me Mom says:
Your grandma sounds like she was a very special lady. I’m so glad that she got those extra seven years with you
Kate says:
When I was in middle school, one of my Girl Scout leaders – a woman who I was very close to, as I’d been a Girl Scout since I was six and in her troop since I was about 10 – was diagnosed with cancer. I was about 13 at the time, and her children were 14 (a freshman in high school) and 11 (a sixth-grader). When asked about her prognosis, the doctor informed her she’d be lucky to make it a year. She said not good enough.
She spent three years in relatively good health but then deteriorated when her daughter was just starting her senior year of high school. When the doctor suggested she maybe had about six months, she said, “I want to see my daughter graduate.” Which she did.
And then, her son graduate three years later. And then, her daughter’s graduation from college. She passed when I was a senior in college, something like 9 years after being told she had a year left.
Obviously, she was never someone as close as a grandparent (I only have one of mine left, and the others passed from complications from existing illnesses), but I found her absolutely inspirational. Her will to fight and keep fighting every day blew me away. When my mother called to tell me she’d passed, I was shocked, just because I always forgot she was ill.
Stories like this always make me look at the piddly crap going on in my life and say, “If they can do that, I can do anything!”
Lovely post.
Expat Mom says:
My grandmother died when I was 15, after a 5 year battle with cancer. She was always so upbeat, like yours. When she had a second masectomy, she sighed and said, “I thought I’d lose at least forty pounds with those things gone, but no. . . they didn’t even weight five pounds together!” Because of her attitude, we visited her and had fun and enjoyed talking to her and it didn’t seem so bad until the end. She fought to give us great memories, even in the last weeks when the cancer spread to her brain and she would tell us she could see tentacles and strange things coming out of the walls . . . “This cancer makes the world a much more interesting place!” she used to say.