Lots of men have issues with snoring. I do too, but luckily for me (and more specifically Heather) I only snore when I am on my back. Put this big lug on his side and the snoring all but disappears, a fact which leads to Heather often jabbing me in my ribs and ordering me to turn over.
Recently I was alone with Annie and dead tired, so I decided Annie and I would take a nap. Once we lay down it dawned on me – Heather wasn’t there to complain if I snored! So I positioned myself on my back and drifted off to blissful, log-sawing sleep.
When I woke up I looked over at Annie and detected an ever so slight grimace on her face. It was then I realized I had subjected her to napping next to a human foghorn because, unlike Heather, Annie couldn’t tell me to stop being a chump and roll over onto my side.
That got me thinking… how many things have I done in front of her that I wouldn’t dare do in front of someone who could speak full sentences?
Memories flooded my mind:
– Falsetto singing along to an entire Neil Young album with Annie strapped into her car seat in the back.
– Taking Annie into the bathroom with me to do my business when I was home alone with her.
– “Sampling” food off Annie’s tray while she tried to enjoy her dinner.
– Changing in front of Annie and maybe even sniff testing my shirt before tossing it into the hamper.
– Pushing Annie in her stroller while repeating ad nauseum, “You put the lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both up. You put the lime in the coconut you drink ’em both up…”
– Making Annie sit through a “Cops” marathon while she patiently clutched her Yo Gabba Gabba dolls.
– Practicing my smooth dance moves (running man, sprinkler) in front of Annie’s crib.
– Cuddling up with Annie after eating a whole tin of sardines.
Yikes.
I’ve got a feeling that once Annie is able to string words together her first sentence won’t be something simple like “Gimmee cookie” or “I love you.” I’m pretty sure it’ll be, “Dad, we need to talk.”
Lynnette says:
It’ll be more like: Daaaa-aaad! Can’t you hear it now?
Eustice The Sheep (aka The Nice Lady) says:
um… even tho you only snore on your back you could have obstructive sleep apnea which can literally shorten your life. If you haven’t already, on behalf of Annie (who cannot speak full sentences), please ask your doctor to send you for a sleep study.
Leslie says:
Or maybe her first words will be “You put the lime in the coconut”, while doing the sprinkler.
I have a feeling that the two of you have some very cool times ahead of you.
bessie.viola says:
LOL! Oh my gosh, if babies could tell stories… This is awesome.
Dudge OH says:
I’m a snorer too. Back in my youth it was described as “a herd of wildebeeste, stampeding across a plain made up of kettle drums”, so I guess its loud, too! DW, apparently, doesn’t mind it, though.
As for the stuff we do in front of the kids, I’m sure we’re all guilty of such things. The trouble comes when they do start talking, as they can rat you out or, at the very least, embarrass the heck out of you.
Lisa says:
Annie needs to talk with my daughter. My daughter is now old enough to say things like “gross dad” and “Daddy is weird” One of these days Annie is going to be able to tell the world about something embarrassing that you did and it will totally be payback for all the times you subjected her to something and she couldn’t say anything about it
Angel says:
My 2 year old likes to tell on us very loudly… “Mommy fah-ted!” and my 5 year old started rhyming and likes to say things like, “truck-fuck, fuck-duck.” and then he follows it with, “What? Mommy says that word all-the-time!”
I never!!! Okay, maybe once (a day).
Lamb says:
Ummm…what is The Sprinkler?
It sounds messy.
Missy says:
Just a word of warning on the whole COPS thing….. YOu might want to stop watching that with her before she can really talk. My hubby used to watch it with my son all the time. When he was about 4 he went to daycare (thankfully, I worked there!) and told his teacher that the cops came and took Daddy to jail in handcuffs!!! That show has been banned in my house ever since! Like I siad, luckily I worked there. His teacher came and told me what he said, and said that she assumed that if something like that had really happened, she would have heard it from me long before he had a chance to tell her! But I can only imagine what these people could have been thinking if they didn’t know me so well! OMG!
gugs says:
haha I dropped my nephew off at creche one day and the teacher pulled me over to tell me he keeps saying “my daddy drinks beer” all day. I think she was telling me and not the parents to check that my brother wasnt an alcoholic (which he isnt). He brews his own beer so I guess the talk around the house got picked up by the little one… but it was pretty funny
Barefeet In The Kitchen says:
ha ha ha ha ha ha, “Dad, we need to talk.” I love it!
Glenda says:
lol…this is funny! I say the same about a dog. If they could only talk! The secrets baby and dogs keep
Karen says:
Well, ick on the sardine breath but once Put the lime in the coconut gets into one’s head, there is no getting it out! And it is just so much fun to sing! Heck, it was even on the Muppet Show
Auntie_M says:
…And on the next-to-the-last episode of Bones last season. And now, thanks to you, Mike, it’s back in my head and likely to stay for quite some time!
elissa says:
The other day at the grocery store I had my kids with me. The man in front of me in line asked if my 12 month old sitting in the cart was my grand-daughter. GRANDDAUGHTER. I am 33 years old!
PS you so did not look pregnant.
PPS i am so jealous you are friends with Rebecca, I sort of have a girl crush on her!
Fête Foreign says:
“Lay off the sardines daddy”
Seriously, I could forgive the other ones, but sardines?? Poor, helpless chickadee trapped with no one to help her . . . .
Auntie_M says:
Gotta agree…sardines? Really? Poor lil Annie!!
Noelle says:
Ok, so what’s the deal with “Lime in the coconut…”? My husband sings it to our daughter, too.
Neeroc says:
You know darn well you’re waiting for the day when those sorts of things, done in front of her friends will embarrass her to no end. It’s a parental right I swear!