Imagine this: It’s Saturday afternoon at your local park, and your kid is playing on the jungle gym while you chat with friends you haven’t seen in a long, long time. As you get wrapped up in your conversation, you are oblivious to the fact that your kid has made the ill-advised decision to climb to the very top of the jungle gym and balance precariously on the edge.
There are a number of adults nearby. What would you want them to do?
For me, if it was Annabel, I would sure as heck hope that one of the adults would tell her to get down. But it is quickly becoming clear to me that not all parents feel the same way.
Last Saturday Heather and I took Annabel to the park for a play date with my sister and her kids. While there, I saw a pair of boys about eight years old climb to the very top of the jungle gym and stand on a section high off the ground that was not meant to be stood on. I looked around and saw a number of adults in the area, but no one seemed to be paying attention.
Annie on the jungle gym. The boys were standing on top of the green roof!
After mulling it over, I decided to walk over and tell the boys it was dangerous up there and that they should get down. One of the boys rolled his eyes and said, “Relax, Mister. We know how to play on this.”
As I started away, a woman sent me a look that said, “Yikes! I’m freaked out by how high up they are too.” I felt better knowing I wasn’t the only one that felt that way until another woman – presumably the mother of one of the boys – gave me a cold look and said, “They’re fine.”
Okay. So maybe the boys didn’t fall and snap their necks. But the whole situation struck me as strange nonetheless. As a former teacher, I have spent many an hour on “yard duty” where I was expected to say something to kids who put themselves in dangerous situations. The other teachers would back you up too. We all worked together to keep the kids safe.
At the park though it is different. The vibe was less “it takes a village to raise a child” than “tell my kid what to do and I’ll put my foot in your ass.”
What do you think? Was I over-stepping my bounds? Or would you want other adults to be looking out for your kid’s safety? Oy. Who knew trips to the park were so freakin’ stressful!
Christina Cox says:
Oh boy – I do this sometimes too (I was a 6th grade teacher and got REALLY used to yelling at kids!) and some parents appreciate the help but others take it as a criticism of their parenting. I still don’t know what to do about that. I am the kind that doesn’t mind other people speaking up to my kids (in a constructive way) – maybe b/c I am used to it from teaching. We were just discussing this today – how many POLITICS are in play at the playground.
mandy @ harper's happenings says:
i’ve had some similar issues recently at a few places (parks and playcenters). it’s hard for me personally to understand giving someone shit for looking out for my kid’s safety. more like ‘thanks for lookin’ out homie’!
i don’t think you were overstepping at all. many parents of older children use the playground as some sort of babysitter (ones i’ve run into i mean) and as a mom of a toddler i watch them all like hawks to make sure they don’t mow her down. sometimes it’s not even worth the trouble to go because of moms like that. sad, really.
Stephanie Elliot says:
I’m just glad they didn’t whip ’em out and pee on ya! It sounded like that kinda crew!
Elle says:
I don’t think you were out of line at all. It really is stressful going to the playground. My 2 year old is small for her age and when we take her to her favorite park that has this roller slide she loves, I’m baffled by the parents of older kids who stand there texting or they’re not paying attention when it comes to what there child is doing.
Recently, while my daughter was going down this particular slide and there were a few much older kids playing rough near her. I was afraid she would be hurt. While one of the parents glanced over, nothing was said. I wish I said something and I just don’t get these parents.
Kate says:
I think a lot of parents seriously dislike having their child’s behavior corrected by another adult (especially a strange one) because it makes them feel like they’re being tacitly called bad parents. I mean, I’m not a parent myself, but I have been the victim of the “they’re fine” death-glare several times, including once a few years ago where a family friend’s son (around 10 years old) was tipping over chairs at tables in the public library as a group of us walked through the children’s room there. When I told him he might want to stop because it was kind of rude (I was actually the one picking up the chairs after him!), his mom whipped around and told me, “It’s fine.” Later, as we were all in the parking lot getting ready to leave, she turned to me and said tightly, “I’m not comfortable with you correcting [son’s] behavior in front of me. That’s my job. If I think his behavior needs corrected, I’ll tell him. You’ll understand if you ever have kids.”
Uhm, sorry, but if I ever had a kid who was leaving a path of destruction in a public place? I sure as hell’d want someone to tell him off!
But I don’t think most parents are like that. I think there’s a big stigma in our society about being a “bad” parent (and you can substitute a lot of things in for “bad”: neglectful, overprotective, inattentive, demanding, lazy, overly-harsh, overly-permissive, et cetera), and especially looking like a bad parent in front of other people. In that mom’s eyes, I don’t think you were saving her children from potential disaster as much as you were saying to the entire playground, “Look, your mom is either not watching you or doesn’t care, but she should, and I would like to communicate that by scolding you in her place”, while their mom had already made the mental call that what they were doing was okay and they could be left to it.
I mean, in the end, it’s a little like the post Heather put up not long ago, about people saying things like, “Are you really feeding her that?” (I forget what post, it was a series of single lines.) If you’re the parent, you will always feel you know what’s best for your child, and the last thing you want is someone else, especially a stranger, telling you you’re wrong. Be it about climbing on jungle gyms, knocking over chairs, food choices, or wearing shoes in the supermarket ( ).
So, no, I don’t think I would’ve talked to the kids if I were you. Not because I think you’re overstepping your bounds, but because of how people tend to react to stuff like that. I now avoid doing such things in general (and there are some gems of kids in my apartment complex who I now skirt around because of that, believe you me.) But also, if I was the parent, I would’ve been the screaming, frantic one commanding they get down rightthisinstantomg, so.
Adrianne says:
So well said, and I agree completely. While your (Mike’s) intentions were good, there are always going to be the people who see it as a form of criticism, and in a way, it is. It implies that the parent either isn’t paying attention (bad) or saw but didn’t see the danger (bad) or saw and recognized the danger but didn’t say anything to the kid (really bad).
I’m not a parent yet, but I’ll try to keep this in mind when I’m at the park with my little one. I think the general rule of thumb I’ll go by is that unless it’s something I feel is truly dangerous (and in this case you did and were probably right), I’ll keep my mouth shut. In other words, I won’t comment on the shoeless baby or the kid knocking over chairs, etc. But if they are putting themselves or especially my kid in danger? That’s when I’ll speak up. So basically, I think you were fine to say something and the mother’s reaction was uncalled for, but probably just a defense mechanism….
Jess L. says:
Kate’s totally spot on. I do think your danger assessment was probably right in this instance. But as a parent who errs on the free-range side of parenting, I’ve had plenty of instances of “interference” by folks on the helicopter side, and I hate it. It feels like an undermining of my authority and a criticism of my parenting. I will say that it’s a different story when the behavior is affecting someone else (e.g. path of destruction in public place, or rough housing near toddler). Not only do I not mind if someone steps in, but I’ll do it myself.
Nicole says:
I had a similar problem the other day. We went to a park that has a big gravel pit area that kids dig and play in. Parents typically bring sand toys throw them in with the kids and let them all play together. There are some parents that don’t like the share their toys with other kids, but I’m not usually one of those parents. I bring toys that I’m ok with being broken, lost, whatever, just for that reason. The rules I go by are, 1 – I don’t let my son grab for a toy that is not his from another child, he must ask nicely first before playing with those toys, 2 – I don’t force my son to share one of his toys that he does not want to, 3 – I do make my son give back any toy that is not his if the toys “owner” wants it back. So here’s the scenario – my son brought his dump truck to the gravel pit and didn’t want to share it. Another boy came over and grabbed it out of his hands without asking, this child was too young to ask or understand sharing and was also drooling all over the place which, with all the germs and possible illnesses going around, made me a little uncomfortable to begin with. I walked over and calmly said “thank you so much for not taking this toy away from him” which was my polite way of dealing with it. I took the dump truck from the other boy and gave it back to my son. My son, by the way, was very nice about the whole thing and didn’t do anything to the kid, but it was clear he wanted the dump truck back. The mother of the “drooly” kid said very loudly “well usually we all just SHARE toys here but I guess not today” and dragged her kid away. Was I wrong to get involved? I don’t know. These kids by the way are all under 3 years old, so it’s not like they could work it out on their own.
Thinkign about your situation, it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. I would err on the side of making sure no one gets hurt. What if those boys had fallen off the roof of that green thing and you didn’t do or say anything? Then you would have been the guy that just watched as two kids got hurt. If we are ever in the same park and you see my kid doing something wrong or potentially harmful I would THANK you for stepping in!
Jeannine says:
there’s “Sharing” and then there’s “Grabbing” – two different things. The other mom doesnt get that apparently!
Diane B. says:
I would definitely get involved in this instance. We usually share as well and everyone pretty much follows the same guidelines of asking to play with a shovel or pail first. If someone doesn’t…it depends on what it is and if my child was playing with it or not. If someone took a toy she was playing with or didn’t want to share, I would the toy back gently and say something like, “I’m sorry, she’s still playing with this shovel, but here’s a rake you can use. Let’s dig together.” Or I might say “This is her special toy today and she really wants to keep it, but here’s ____.” My youngest is 3 and I’ve been doing that with pretty good response. Most of the times a child is grabby, the mom/nanny/sitter is gabbing on the phone or texting completing oblivious to the situation.
Catch says:
Better safe than sorry. The bottom line for me is that if those kids did fall, I would be glad I tried and not kicking myself for remaining silent. We always need to listen to our own consciences! I think you did exactly the right thing.
Colleen says:
I don’t think you over stepped your bounds. If those kids had slipped and fallen you would have felt awful later feeling like you should have at least said something. I realize kids like to climb and will be kids no matter what. But that mom was stupid letting the kids climb up there for other little kids to see and possibly attempt. Some kids aren’t developed enough to try it and still might because “bigger kids” were doing it.
Regardless of whether that kid knew what he was doing, I would have have been pissed if he back-talked me that way. His mother SHOULD have told him to speak politely to another adult. He could have said “Yes sir. My mother knows that I am on here and has given me permission but I will be careful.” I had a 6 year old back-talk me at a baseball game when I told him to get down off a fence where his head was sticking over the top and the team couldn’t continue the game because he was causing a safety concern behind first base. It took the coaches of both teams coming over to get him down and his mother was no-where to be found. GRRRRR.
The worst thing about big play grounds is rough bigger kids. I am always so damn fearful that my boys will be near a death-drop opening when some big, rowdy kids will rush by and knock my kids backwards out the ladder hole or something. I’ve told many kids to be careful of the younger ones and so far no other parent has objected to me speaking up.
I am not sure when the day will come that I will relax at a playground but it hasn’t happened yet.
DefendUSA says:
Sorry, but I don’t keep my mouth shut for any kid doing something that makes my skin crawl. You were right to say something because I can guarantee that if the kid fell, the mother in her own neglect would have found a way to make you feel bad. Nope, never feel bad about it. Like you said, you could be saving a kid from himself.
And what a disrespectful brat that boy was for the way he spoke. I would have gotten the “stick” out and paddled his behind if he were mine. You go, Mike. It’s you who won’t be losing sleep!
Kris says:
I have a feeling that most of the comments here are going to side with you, because that is how posts such as this generally go.
With that said, I absolutely think you were right. My kids are pretty young still and even with my vigilance, last year my 2 year old fell from a 5 foot platform and wound up breaking his hip. I was standing right next to him, but had turned my head to discipline his 4 year old brother and 6 year old sister who were on my other side and didn’t see when their younger brother stepped out to climb on a rung and missed the ladder completely.
So, even if you are paying attention, at someplace like a playground everything can change quickly. I felt awful about my son’s fall, and I can only imagine how I would have felt if I had been off talking to one of my friends who was there and not right next to him. I think parents who are less vigilant sometimes fall into that trap of “It can’t happen to me.” Of course, it sometimes does happen.
Bella says:
If a kid is doing something that could hurt either themselves or somebody else, I say something. Period. If the mom doesn’t like it, tough. I will do my part to keep every kid safe, even if their parent is a bonehead.
If a kid spoke to me how the little so and so did, I would say something as well. Respect and politeness is crucial in my world.
Elizabeth says:
I have a slightly different take on the situation. I do think it’s totally legit to stop any kid from harming themselves, others or the environment. But, from your story the mom didn’t seem upset by your appropriate behavior just not wanting to engage (who knows what was going on in her life, usually people are self absorbed not meaning to be externally rude). When my son was 2 I would follow him on everything worrying about potential dangers lurking about. 5 years and several insurance co-pays later I let him do things that I never would have imagined when he was Annie’s age. In fact if you had shown me a crystal ball of him on the very top of the play apparatus (where he also goes) I would have fainted! Now I just look up from my book and think, well at least there’s a good E.R. nearby. Basically, I think you were fine and she was fine. Keep being you and let others do the same.
Elizabeth says:
This is a big issue for me with three adventurous boys. My oldest is four so they haven’t climbed on the roof of the jungle gym yet, but they do act inappropriately sometimes. I do watch them, for their own safety and because I neither want them to hurt another child or demonstrate behavior that should not be copied. Of course, there are occasions that they don’t pay attention to me immediately or I miss what one is doing while attending another and I am GLAD for another parent to intervene. Sure, its embarrassing, but I’d rather be embarrassed than have a hurt kid. And here’s the big, secret deal… especially young kids will much faster pay attention and learn from a stranger than their own parent. I play to that a little “That Mommy had to correct you because you were not following the rules. She couldn’t play with her own baby because she had to be worried about you. I bet that made her sad, should you apologize?” because I want my kids to realize they are not the end-all, be-all of the world. Everything we do has consequences and those consequences often affect more than just ourselves. I think raising responsible, caring kids needs to begin a lot earlier and more intentionally than most people realize.
MS says:
I’m with Bella on this one…I’m a grown up, you’re a kid. If your parent doesn’t care enough to say something, I will in most situations. Sorry, but 8 years old doesn’t have brain development enough to really know how dangerous their actions are. So ya, I would have said something…and probably something to the icy possible mom as well along the lines of, “they’re fine until they fall and snap their necks, yes. Probably a good idea to try to prevent that.” Its like having common sense is criminal now-a-days.
Lisa says:
Definitely not over stepping your bounds. I would have said something to. It really bugs me when parents at the playground act all offended if you say something to their kids. If my child was in a dangerous situation or causing trouble on the playground I would want someone to say something to her. I think you did the right thing.
Chris says:
I would hope that someone would say something to my kid, but sadly no one probably would. My kids know that I do not allow that kind of behavior and when other people do, it makes me look like a big meanie!
I have tried to reinforce from a very young age that it is not safe to climb up a slide instead of using the steps or climb on top of the play set in stead of playing in it. It is great when my kids call out other kids being unsafe. Those apathetic parents don’t give my kid the death glare like they would if I corrected their super special snowflakes.
Why yes, this is a hot button issue of mine, why do you ask?
Rachel says:
I would have said something. A couple months ago I was at the park and two sisters, about 2 and 8 were playing rough with each other. Their mother (or maybe sitter) was texting away, oblivious. When they started fighting at the top of a slide tower, the older girl shoving the younger one, I surprised myself and yelled at her. The girl didn’t stop right away, so I climbed up there and told her firmly, stop pushing her.
I did get a dirty look, but I didn’t care. If those girls would have fallen 10 feet to the ground while I stood back and said nothing, I couldn’t have lived with myself.
On a slightly different note another time at the mall some pre-teens were playing roughly in the preschool/toddler area. After they knocked my then 18 month old son over, I kicked them out. The kids went and got their mom, who proceeded to chew me out, even though the kids were over the height limit by a good 12″. I am completely conflict adverse but I stood my ground and survived. I learned that when it comes to my kids I will protect them even if it makes me uncomfortable.
Laura says:
I basically had the same situation at McDonalds in the play place. My friend and I were there with our kids (we both have 4 and 2 year olds), another family with kids maybe 5,4 and 2ish were there, and all of them were playing nicely. Then this group of kids who were 13 or 14ish came in, and proceeded to climb into the play structure with one girl at the top of the slide trying to push another girl down (who clearly did not want to go down…and was screaming to make her point), while friend #3 climbed up the slide to try and pull the girl down by her legs.
Um, I’m sorry, but I don’t let my preschoolers do that, so if you choose to do that, while also scaring the crap out of my kids? Why yes, I will politely and firmly tell you it’s time to let the little kids go down the slide.
Amber says:
Today must be playground day on the interwebs.
Another blogger that I follow posted a post that kind of goes along with this only she has one of the kids that may or may not jump off the top of the jungle gym
Leslie says:
Going to the park is so stressful. I am the one who says things. And if I look away someday I want someone to tell my kid to be safe!!!! People just amaze me! You did the right thing, keep it up!!!
Sharyn says:
Absolutely not. If their parent or guardian or whatever wasn’t as concerned as you were that’s their problem, but if they fell and you hadn’t said anything you would have felt terribly guilty.
Karen says:
I am passive-aggressive with this stuff now, after being yelled at and glared at by moms countless times. Now, I turn to my son, within earshot of the neglectful mother (if possible) and say, “Drew, please don’t ever do that because you could fall on a smaller child and mommy would be sued and lose the house and car AND my retirement.” Usually, they scurry over and pull junior off the thing.
Rene says:
Hahaha..this one made me laugh out loud!
L Ann says:
You were completely correct in saying something to the boys. If you had known beforehand who the parent was, it would also have been completely correct to say something to him/her as well. Something along the lines of “Excuse me, but are those your kids on top of the jumgle gym? Don’t know if you wanted them to go that high or not.”
You were also completely correct in backing off after you had shared your opinions! Many problems arise when a concerned parent, such as yourself, gives a heads-up AND THEN CONTINUES ON AND ON ABOUT IT. Thanks for pointing out something that I might have not been aware of, but after doing so, it’s now my decision whether or not my kid should cease the activity. Case in point – my son is very good at roller hockey. When I would take him to the park to skate the walking path, he’d go rather fast, forward and backward, up and down hills. He wore a helmet, as always, and in no way interferred with or endangered anyone else on the path. One parent, after notifying me that my son was going way too fast in her opinion and could lose control, continued to roll her eyes, shake her head, and comment loudly to her friends that SOME PEOPLE have no idea how to raise kids.
I took the high road and never approached her or called her on it. My point is that while her initial concern was valid, once the message was delivered, her responsibility was done. I know my child’s capabilities better than anyone else and while you may not allow your child to do said activity, I may very well encourage it, provided it’s not illegal, rude, or immoral.
And since I’m a nutrition nut, it’s interesting to note that a parent will comment on another child’s actions on a jungle gym, but wouldn’t dream of interferring if the child sits down with a snack of Coke and Cheetos. Guess I’m just saying, it’s difficult to know where to draw the line on shared vs. personal responsibility.
Tiffani says:
Absolutely not! We were in the play area in a mall with 3 probably 10 year old boys climbing, jumping off of everything, off stuff clearly they shouldn’t and I saw one of them address their mom so I just took our 2 year old to a different section. But at one point, the kid jumped off a rocket, caught his foot and hit the edge HARD and was laying on the ground, crying in pain and the mother was no where to be found. Worst of all no one did anything, they all just stood there until I went over to him, had him sit with my husband while I went to find his mom (who was not in the bathroom like he thought) and I asked a store to call mall security to have her paged. When she did show up, we told her how hard he hit and she seemed oblivious, just having him sit with her while the other 2 continued acting like (and I’m totally channeling a grumpy old man) hooligans. But I felt better that I tried to help, but if I said something to begin with, it would have maybe (though probably not) alleviated the whole situation.
Dammned if you do, damned if you don’t
Jennie says:
You did not overstep. You did what any human being with any sort of conscience would do. Imagine if those kids had fallen and you’d done nothing. The fact that they didn’t fall was just luck. I hope their mom’s luck continues. We all know that it doesn’t always.
edenland says:
Mike, I am legendary in parks for bossing kids around. LEGENDARY.
With no shame at all, I tell them to shoosh up, get off, sit down, stop fighting, play nice. And I don’t give a crap if their parents are watching or not. Parent your child properly or go home.
(… and don’t get me started on the bullies.)
Lisa_in_WI says:
You absolutely were not over-stepping your bounds. Because if those kids had fallen, their crappy parents would have had no problem asking you why you didn’t do something to stop them.
My favorite phrase is, “Where are your parents?!” If the kid is smaller, that usually scares them enough so they stop doing whatever it was they shouldn’t have been doing. :p
suzanne says:
My daughter is three and goes to preschool. When there’s a birthday party at a play gymn or something, everyone invites the whole class. It can get dicey with 15 three-year olds running around & going nuts. All the parents watch over all the kids at these parties, not just their own kids. We know one another and everyone feels comfortable with disciplining someone else’s child and with another parent doling out the dicipline. I appreciate that “we’re all in this together” attitude.
That attitude should apply at the playground too. Sometimes you get momentarily distracted and it only takes a moment for your child to run in front of a kid on a swing or misjudge a distance on a jungle gym. So we should all look out for each other in a way that is amiable, helpful and respectful.
Having said that, here’s something I don’t like. I don’t like judgy, sanctimonious moms or dads who use a tone of voice that indicates they think I committed dereliction of my parental duties. For example — I was at the grocery store. I had directed my attention away from my daughter, who was sitting in the grocery cart right in front of me, while I quickly texted my husband to let him know where we were (he was meeting us there from running another errand). I hear a woman say to my daughter “Stop that! No no!!” I look up and see that my daughter had taken one of the plastic bags for bagging produce from the roll and put it over her head. She knows she is not supposed to do this. She also knew that, as soon as I looked up from my text, I would reprimand her and take the bag away. However, the chances of her asphyxiating right there in the grocery store with me standing next to her were pretty slim. Still, I was glad that the woman called her out, and thanked her.
My gratitude, however, disappeared as she proceeded to lecture me on the dangers of plastic bags. Save it, ya know? I mean, thanks for the backup, but don’t turn it into a public humiliation session. I responded that I know that plastic bags are not toys, and that while I appreciated that she corrected my daughter, I didn’t need any further assistance from her. It was really an unpleasant situation.
My point is just that there is such a thing as being over-enthusiastic in correcting someone else’s child. Negotiating the boundaries between helpful and obnoxious is a matter of judgment. However, your scenario sounded perfectly reasonable. You are the kind of parent that makes playgrounds safer and more fun for everyone.
Amber says:
Oh, I don’t know. My five-year-old daughter has always been crazy-physical. Particularly in the areas of jumping and climbing. Being aware of her natural ability in these areas, I think I’m often more lax with what I will allow her to do on the playground than other parents are with their kids.
So I’ve been on the end of a reprimand at the park more than few times when I let my daughter do something other parents thought she was too little to do. But I am always right there as a spotter to make sure she’s safe and help her out if she gets in a jam while she tests out her own boundaries or limitations. The end result? She’s never hurt herself on the playground — like, ever — and the confidence she feels when she completes a daring jump or a high climb is awesome to see.
So when parents like to step in and tell her not do something, it kind of makes me want to punch them.
That said, she must always play within the confines of the playground (i.e., not ON TOP of the playground) and always be aware/respectful of kids playing near her. And if for some reason she was violating one of those rules and I didn’t notice, I would be appreciative of a parent stepping in.
Brandy says:
I correct kids, whether they like it or the parents like it. I don’t want that horrible feeling later after something terrible happens and all I can think is “I wish I had said something”. I have never had a parent call me out on it but I would definitely defend myself and let the parent know the child’s behavior was unacceptable. I think you did the right thing and that the parent with the death stare is an IDIOT. I can’t help, totally judgmental I know, but even though they didn’t fall and snap their necks, they could have and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for that.
sherri says:
I would have done exactly the same thing, and I don’t even have kids. I have a very large extended family, and growing up I listened to all the various adults in the family when it came to stuff like that. Now that all the cousins have kids, we do the same thing: If you see a kid doing something potentially dangerous you say something about it, no matter who’s kid it is.
Because while it may not take a village, it sure helps.
Amy says:
I probably would have said something to a little kid that I thought was in danger, and I agree that when parents give the cold-stare its maybe because they feel that in some way, you inadvertently called them a bad parent.
But… I likely wouldn’t have said something to a couple of eight year olds. It just seems to old to be saying that to. It probably isn’t, but in my head it is.
Halyn says:
This is pretty much my thinking on this. Eight year olds are a bit more likely to have the coordination and strength to play in a manner that might be more dangerous for a little kid. I’d rather the kids spoke to you more politely, but eh, what are ya gonna do? The “cold smile” was probably mom’s way of being polite-she may have known what the kids were doing, been comfortable with it, and not appreciative of having her judgement called into question, but decided that calling you out about it wasn’t worth the trouble. I would probably feel and react the same way, being the parent of a couple of well-watched climbers myself.
That said, I do think it’s a good idea to step forward when you see a child in danger, or even in potential danger. I just don’t know whether I would have judged this particular situation as warranting interference. A four year old on the roof, yeah, but eight probably wouldn’t trigger any concern from me, especially if a parent was nearby.
Jessica V. says:
This is kind of along the lines of what I was thinking too. I don’t have an 8 year old yet, so am not great at judging what their physical abilities/skills are, and try to keep that in mind in these situations. However, the kids totally could have been more polite (although he DID call you Mister, which is way better than what some kids might say!). Also, it does bother me when I see kids playing in a manner that isn’t super safe (even if they are older and can handle themselves) and could lead to other, younger kids trying to follow in their footsteps. What I generally see is kids of this age just being too rough on play structures and not having the presence of mind to watch out for little ones in their path while in the midst of a chase game or something. So while they may be physically able to climb and jump, they may not be aware of how their actions could affect others. Tough call here. I’m not sure how I would have reacted in this particular situation either.
Ninabi says:
I don’t think you did anything wrong.
But, I do think there is a difference between supervising toddlers and preschoolers and supervising grade school boys.
It’s different if it involves liability- such as being a school teacher.
My son is now an adult. The biggest struggles he had growing up where when his life was regulated, contained, safe. It was as if he needed an element of danger to take the world seriously (he loved basic training in the Army with the guns/ gas masks/obstacle courses). I look back on my own childhood and think of wobbly tree houses at least 1 story off the ground and how the 8 year old boys in my neighborhood would take turns curling up in a metal garbage can while their buddies shoved them down a steep hillside for a wild bouncing, jolting ride all the way down to the edge of a creek.
It came with great risks. My son loved the same sort of stuff and would chafe at being confined to the safety of a fenced yard.
Your post gives me something to discuss with friends I will see this morning- do boys need more adventure growing up? And how do we accommodate that need in an appropriate way?
Anna says:
What if you hadn’t warned them even though you thought about it, and they did fall? I talk to kids with the thought in mind that sometimes parents just don’t know what their children are getting into (myself included). In this case it would have been a, “You boys are awfully high up there. Be careful”.
Sarah says:
We all have different boundaries as parents for what’s acceptable and what’s not for our kids and the risks we want them to take.
I had my daughter at a park with a similar play structure when she was about 18 months old. She’d been walking only a few months and was still a bit wobbly. This was an area we frequented and she knew the structure. There is one part of the structure that has a gently sloped TUBE – not really even a slide – that dropped from a higher platform to a lower platform over maybe 4-5 feet. I had another parent all but scream, OMG IS THAT SAFE, as my wobbly toddler took several tries at backing herself (on her belly, feet first) into the tube to slide down to the lower platform whee I was waiting. There was no possible way for her to have fallen off the platform and I was totally floored that this could even be an issue. We still laugh about it.
Rebecca says:
I always feel like the playground Nazi because if I see a kid doing something that is dangerous I always speak up. Because if MY kid sees something the ‘naughty’ kid is doing and I don’t correct the naughty kid, my kids might think it’s okay because I didn’t speak up.
I find myself speaking up all the time these days, just not with other kids at the playground either. With other adults who are behaving childlike, etc. . .
Laurie SL says:
I think you should be commended for going out on a limb and trying to do what is right! I saw the exact same thing last weekend at the local playground – bigger boys climbing the exact same type of roof on the jungle gym. Their father was watching them closely and told them (not too seriously though) to come down.
I guess because you (and me also) only have baby girls, maybe we don’t fully understand what it’s like to have older boys? I’m just speculating. I’m very protective of my little girl, so I’m a hawk when it comes to her playing on the jungle gym (she’s 2 years and 4 months). Anyway, just wanted to say that you’re doing a great job and don’t feel bad for trying to do what’s right!
Joleine says:
I think you did the right thing.. Who knew where the parent was and hopefully the parent doesn’t want their kid doing such (unfortunately, this parent isn’t that smart) but it never hurts to say something if you feel a kid is being dangerous. You’d have felt even worse if the kid fell and the mom looked at you like “you were standing right there, why didn’t you say something?!”
devon says:
As a former SAHM, I always had a hard time sending the kids out to play in our complex. Reason being, I honestly felt the only one looking out for my younger daughter, was her older sister. And only because I demanded she “WATCH HER SISTER”. I would have been one to appreciate your comment to the boys. And had they been girls, I might have mentioned something myself. (I only have girls, therefore, less confidence in admonishing boys)
Trisha says:
I don’t see that you did anything wrong Mike. Our role in this world is to protect our children to the best of our abilities. What if one of those boys would have fallen off the edge of that green canopy and landed on Annie below? Would the Mom have been so stone cold about the situation then? Not only were they putting themeselves in harms way, but others as well. Freakish accidents happen all the time and they should be playing on the equipment as it was meant to be played on.
Kudos to you for having the courage to say something that others were probably to nervous to say.
MJ says:
I generally don’t say anything when other people’s kids are doing something like that. I have in the past, but it’s a pick your battles sort of thing.
What I have NO patience for are the kids who bully my kids on the playground. I witnessed a 5 year old (with his caregiver standing RIGHT NEXT TO HIM) kick at my 4 year old nephew. My husband told him to cut it out. Now, the kid’s grandma, or aunt, or whoever she was, had the decency to not defend her kid, but really? WHY can’t she keep her own kid in line????
If my kid was kicking at or blocking another kid from using a slide or something, I’d sure as hell tell him to knock it off, and not expect someone else to discipline my kid.
That’s my rant.
Playgrounds. They’re like mini versions of Lord of the Flies.
Ashley says:
I’ve had instances where I’ll be in the grocery store and see a toddler teetering dangerously close to falling out of a cart while mom talks on her cell phone and isn’t paying attention.
You wouldn’t believe the looks I get when I say, “Sweetie, sit down so you don’t fall and get hurt, okay?”.
I’m with you. I’d rather someone tell my kid to watch himself than to have him fall and break his neck.
JenC says:
Its a tough call on the playground. I say that as a mother who had a 3 year old daughter that would take a running, flying leap off the playscape to grab onto the pole and then circle it like a top before sliding down. Other parents were terrified, I knew she did worse at home since she had apparently inherited some monkey genes somewhere. She was taking monkeybars two at a time and swinging open air between them at that age too.
Sometimes other parents would caution her, which I appreciated because it was nice to know we’re in a village. Sometimes other parents would come over and tell me I wasn’t paying attention which I didn’t appreciate so much, because I was, and I knew she was capable of doing what she was doing and was not willing to make her stop something she loved to do. Besides, who needs all their baby teeth or an unbroken arm? Just kidding!
Anyway, I say stuff all the time, but also watch the parents because everyone has different comfort zones in terms of risk.
Glenda says:
I think it’s a tough call now a days. I would’ve reacted like you, but not all parents feel the whole “it takes a village”. I say stuff all the time. Playground, grocery store, etc… In the playground I’ll say “be careful” and in the grocery store if they are running around with no supervision or adults nearby I’ll say “no running, walk” LOL… I definitely sound like a teacher
Julie says:
It was totally appropriate for you to say something, and the fact that neither the kids nor the parent answered you in a manner that I would consider polite tells you about all you need to know, unfortunately.
If you noticed my toddler son doing something unsafe, I would appreciate your concern and say so — regardless of whether or not I agreed that it was a dangerous thing that ought to be stopped.
If we could all just dial back our readiness to feel insulted or take offense at trivial things a notch or two, it would be a good thing (and there’d probably be less traffic accidents, too.)
Laura says:
You definetly did the right thing. I was at a park once and this mom had 3 kids. One was about 5, one was 1 1/2 and one was 5 mths old. The 5 mth old was asleep hunched over in a swing and the other 2 roaming as she yapped on the phone. The 18 mth old walked up to the top of a slide and was about to slip off the edge of the stairs (about 5 ft down). I screamed “HEY YOUR DAUGHTER IS UP THERE and walked over to pluck her down. I didn’t care what the mom thought. At that moment she slipped and fell so I ran to catch her but she fell on her head. She was ok and the mom was totally shaken up. She thanked me for trying to help but I sure as hell hope she learned her lesson about watching her kids!!!! Thankfully the little girl was fine!
Erin says:
As a former teacher, you must have The Look. All teachers have it. I won’t say anything to someone else’s kid, but if I can catch their eye and give them my elementary Teacher Look, that usually solves the problem. Their parents won’t even have noticed, but the kid will have the sudden feeling that he’s in trouble with his teacher.
Kelly says:
Oooh, I so agree! I do this at playgrounds too, but reading your comment just made me realize it.
hdj says:
Teachers keep the kids safe at school (with backing from other teachers and parents) to keep the school or school district from getting sued by the parent of the kid that climbs to the top and falls and snaps his/her neck.
lauren says:
I think you did the right thing
MelissaG says:
Although I’m of the “It takes a family to raise a child” beliefs I totally appreciate when someone makes an effort to protect my children. My 7 year old would be the type to climb something like that, and I’m not a “worrier” over physical injuries while playing much at all. As long as the other parent was obviously trying to help, I’d be totally fine and appreciative of it. My littler ones are fearless when it comes to climbing and, again, I appreciate when other people are concerned for them. You did the right thing, it’s too bad their mom taught them to be even more snarky than they already were.
Kait says:
Joining the chorus of “you did the right thing.” I used to be the children’s department manager at a bookstore and the first thing they told me when they hired me was that we absolutely were not to challenge the parenting of customers. It didn’t matter if kids were climbing on displays while their parents chatted away with lattes, oblivious, or spinning fixtures so fast that books flew off. The most we were allowed to do was make a general announcement. “You’re welcome to come and play at [major chain bookstore] any time you want, but please put the books and toys away when you’re done!”
It left me constantly in a quandary. Do I just ignore the 18 month old climbing on top of a flimsy metal display? Do I pick her up and put her on the floor, praying that her parents don’t see and comment? Do I call out, hoping it will bring the parents’ attention to the matter in a passive manner?
I almost always went with my gut. If I thought the kids were in danger, I would put a stop to it, even if I knew it would get me a reprimand. (Which it did, several times. Luckily, the general managers of the store were decent guys who agreed to “reprimand” me in front of customers and then bought me a coke as soon as they were gone and thanked me for not allowing a child to dive off the fourth shelf of the picture book section.) As uncomfortable as it made me as a supremely non-confrontational person, I knew the guilt of having to call 911 to cart a kid to the ER would have been even worse.
Jasmin says:
Unfortunately, not all parents are the same. I for one would be perfectly fine and encourage other parents to warn my children if they were in the same situation. But thats just me. On the other hand, I refrain from telling kids to stop their behavior because I don’t feel its my place.
My husband on the other hand is the park enforcer when it involves our kids. We went to the park together about a month ago and I watched in horror as he grabbed an 8 year old from going up the slide while our kids where trying to go down. He took sticks from other kids who were playing in our children’s vicinity and threw it away. Lastly he reprimanded a kid on his bike because he ran over a 3 year old when he wasn’t suppose to be riding his bike in the park anyway.
You did your best in this situation even if their mother didn’t appreciate it.
Teague says:
I have two boys, 6 and 8, and one girl, 3. My rule for the boys is, when there are other little ones around, they can only use the equipment in the way it’s supposed to be used, i.e., no crazy climbing up too high. My reasoning is, my boys might be ok, but it is a bad example for the little ones who don’t know better. I would let them climb all the way up if we were alone in the park, but I would expect other parents to help reign them in to keep all the kiddos safe. So often, you give the boys an inch and they take a mile in less time than it takes to turn around…I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked them to come down in a kindly manner.
Madi G. says:
Honestly, it depends on the child. Sometimes I take a direct approach, in other instances I’m more passive(aggressive).
If it’s a young child, I will definitely say something to the child.
If the child is older (7, 8, 9 and up), I will not say anything to the kids, but I may still make a loud comment to another parent — “Wow, that little boy in the red shirt is going to break his neck!” — in an attempt to draw attention to the situation. (Once you draw attention to the situation, the parent is usually peer-pressured into taking action.)
If that doesn’t work, I’ll call one of my girls over. I’ll tell them to go stand by the child in peril, and I’ll tell her to scream for a 20-count. Her banshee-like scream is enough to draw the entire playground’s attention to the site in question, and often, the parent notices their child’s perilous position and says something.
My older child is very much a tattle-tale, do-gooder, so she’s also been known to scream at the top of her lungs, then point and yell something to the effect of “That’s dangerous! You’re going to fall and get hurt!”, followed by more banshee-like screaming.
In short, my girls enjoy pointing out the kids doing dangerous things, so they can “perform” their antics. Works for me.
These more “passive” techniques virtually always draw attention to the child in question. One of two things occurs….the child’s good-but-distracted parent notices and says something -OR- other parents comment and the bad parent is peer-pressured into taking action.
If I do say something, I’m very aware that many parents take offense when you scold their kids, I’m always ready with a comeback.
For instance, if I said something to those two boys, when the mother said something to me, I would have countered with something like, “Well, I saw a boy fall from that exact spot last week; he broke a leg and he’s still hospitalized with a head injury.”
Yes, I know, it’s a lie. Lies are bad. But this is a lie that may very well save these kids lots of pain. Many parents are downright stupid; hopefully my fib gets them thinking (in my experience, within about 2 minutes, the parent typically tells them to get down or makes them get down in a more subtle manner, by calling them over.)
Sure, my methods are a bit guerilla and untraditional, but it works. And my kids have fun!
-Madi
Molly says:
Since you’re a former teacher, I think you should always trust your instincts. You know from experience what you’d allow playing kids to do–I’m not around them that often and don’t have as honed a sense.
And I don’t believe it is a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. You’re only really “damned if you don’t,” and think how bad you’d feel if a child got hurt. If you do say something, and you get a curt comment from an adult, or a nasty glare, who cares? You’re an adult and can take it. If we all just cower in fear of each other, and allow the kids around us to, well, be kids and put themselves in danger, then we’re not being responsible, and yeah, I think, not doing our duty as a community or “village” of adults.
Wendy says:
My son was one of those kids who climbed on the top of EVERYTHING. None of his brothers or sisters were climbers. I could no more stop him from climbing that I could stop him from breathing, it was in his blood.
Today at age 15 he is a top ranked gymnast.
Relax, trust that sometimes parents know when to let a kid do what he was born to do.
mom of 2 says:
This is true too. While most kids probably would be doing something unsafe climbing on structures they way they weren’t meant to do, some kids are. I have one of those. She’s four and a natural athlete and her gymnastics teacher keeps pushing for her to take more classes. I’ve received many disapproving glances from parents at playgrounds and in playrooms, but my daughter doesn’t fall. She has great balance and strength and I am always aware of what she’s doing. I just choose to let her do it.
So while I think it’s up to you on whether to comment on other children’s behavior when it’s not directly affecting your own kid, just have faith that sometimes parents aren’t completely oblivious and let it roll off your back if they seem a little miffed by your concern (they probably get it all the time!).
jen says:
I don’t think you were out of line, and I wouldn’t take it personally as a parent. However I’m one of those evil parents who lets their kids climb up the slide. They know they need to get outta dodge if someone wants to go down, but if no one else is going down they are allowed to climb. And I let them climb up on most things they can get to themselves – they are climbers and if I don’t let them get it out on the playground then I will find them atop my staircase, on the outside. Better to fall on mulch than ceramic tile, I say! However I’m always nearby. I cannot stand people who are texting while their kids are being wild and disruptive and knocking smaller kids over. I can’t stand people who let their 12yo in the toddler play area and 4 years ago I wouldn’t have said something but these days I have no problem kicking them out. I told a kid to get off the playground on his bike last week, his dad, who was texting while his kid ran down 4 little kids, gave me a dirty look. But I guess really I just don’t give a flip what he thinks.
On the other hand sometimes I go to the playground just so I can read a book in peace – but my kids are older, and they listen to me, so if I tell them this is a low key day and we’re not going to run or climb on anything, then they will (because they know that I’ll just make us all leave right then and there )
Jackie says:
You did the right thing! I honestly cannot stomach going to the playground anymore because of the nasty politics and bad parenting there!
If a kid is using equipment how it is not intended to be used there is no reason for a parent to say “it’s fine”. We are parents and we are here to keep our kids safe, but to also teach manners and rules. So what if the kid has the capabilities to climb 50 feet into the air and do a swan dive down and still stay intact. If you aren’t supposed to climb the 50 ft tower, don’t let your kid do it!
My big thing at the playground lately has been do I touch this kid or not? My sweet as a pie 3 year old was playing tea party in a little house by herself. Along comes some 4,5 and 6 year old boys and they start throwing wood bark as hard as they can into her face. I flipped out and grabbed one boy’s arm mid throw while yelling to stop and as it happened he bumped his head on the doorway of the playhouse. Major screaming.
I followed the kid through the park to his mother, almost throwing up the whole time trying to figure out how I’m going to explain what just happened. Luckily, his mom just said” he’s an animal, I’m so sorry”. I know if it was a different kind of mom my @ss would have been kicked!
Christina says:
I would love to wave a magic wand and inspire the “It takes a village” attitude among all of us. We get so defensive all the time whether it’s talking about how to parent or how to cook spaghetti. Why do we constantly have to be so defensive? I know that sometimes people DO overstep their boundaries but I think that’s happens less often than just simple, helpful commentary. We’re all in this together, people! Disagreements are okay, let’s just move past it and see that bad intentions aren’t at the heart of everything!
Mike, I can see yours were good. And if the mom wants to let her children be daredevils then that’s her prerogative but she didn’t have to give you the glare. There should be more people like you!
Chantel says:
I’m definitely one of the “village” type people. Having two children (one of whom is special needs) means that I have to be in two places at once or, at the very least, have eyes in the back, sides and top of my head. Since this is a physical impossibility, I just do my best and let the people around me know that if my child does something that makes them uncomfortable, they’re welcome to address it. This allows my children to learn appropriate social boundaries as well as for the general public to learn the difference between acting out and an autistic meltdown. I would never dream of being rude to them and, although there have been a few tense moments when someone has been less than pleasant, I know that they’re only doing exactly what I asked them to do . After all, we’re only trying to be good, safe parents who set a positive example for children everywhere. Where’s the harm in that? We’re not advocating spanking every child who walks through our periphery, for crying out loud!
madwil says:
i think you were totally in right! if you see something, say something.
Kelly says:
I’m a middle school teacher and I often have to remind myself to switch out of teacher mode when I’m in public! However, if I see a kid putting himself in danger OR misbehaving in a way that is affecting my 3 year old’s ability to enjoy a public place, I have NO problem politely correcting a kid. I think there are definitely ways to say things so that they might be less offensive to the kid and/or parent.
I think you were totally right in speaking up – I mean, what kind of world would it be if everyone just stopped saying ANYthing to help kids learn how to behave/be safe…just because we were afraid of hurting the parents feelings?!
Mindy says:
I kind of feel that if someone is interfering in a situation because they are worried about the well being of a child…. then interfere all you want! You never know how the outcome of a situation will go. Don’t stop being you and doing what you feel is right to help out another child because you are worried about “what other people/parents might say”. Sure the kid was fine this time… but could that situation gone differently? Absolutely. If you are questioning whether or not to say something…. maybe just try rewording your message… “Wow boys, that’s really high up. I sure hope you don’t fall from up there because I won’t be able to call 911- I forgot my phone at home.” However, I know some parents would fine fault with anything you say. “
Mindy says:
Here’s another thought… what if that child DID fall off… and then landed on another child… I think that just made it YOUR business!
SoMo says:
First, I don’t think you overstepped your bounds. You only mentioned to the boys that it might be dangerous up there. It is not like you pulled them off the top or yell at them.
Would I have said something to them? No. They are 8 yr old boys and that is kind of what they do. I wouldn’t have said anything if they were 8 yr old girls. Now, if it was younger kids (not really sure of the age) I would have said something. If they didn’t listen then I would probably stand around to help if they fell.
So what if that woman gave you a dirty look. You should have said, Hey I was just trying to save you a trip to the ER and the cost of a broken bone.
farfalla says:
Better that some cranky parent thinks you’re a jerk than you don’t say anything and a kid gets hurt.
So silly. Even if your kids are allowed to be doing whatever it is that someone thinks is dangerous, you can still say “thank you” for the fact that they were concerned and looking out for your kid! There’s no reason to take it as a judgement of your parenting, since neither of you know each other.
No one gets hurt when someone steps in, the parent of the kid can just say it’s okay. On the other hand, someone could get hurt if you don’t say anything at all.
The other mother was the rude one, even if the boys were totally allowed to be up there (I would have been, as a kid that age).
Michelle Pixie says:
I fight this delima daily within my own mind at the bus stop in the morning waiting for the school bus. I am usually the only mom there in the mornings and some of the kids {siblings mostly} tend to fight, a full on physical fight or when they aren’t fighting they like to jump the boulders trying not to fall. I cringe as I watch afraid someone is going to get seriously hurt and some days I will say something but it never really changes anything. When you find the magic answer will you share that with me?!
Expat Mom says:
I have a friend whose husband is a rock climber. She lets her 6 year old son scale the outside of their house, climbing up the window bars to the second story. It makes me cringe, especially since it’s concrete below but she is very much a “he’s fine, it’s in his genes” mother. The only time I said something was when my then 4 year old tried to follow his friend up the wall! I told her that it’s fine if she wants to let her kid do that but he’s setting a bad example for my children who don’t have rock climber genes. She was fine with that and had him stay closer to the ground when my boys were around after that, which was easier on my nerves, too.
I think most parents feel that someone correcting their child is a jab at their parenting skills. Even if you appreciate it, you still feel like a crappy parent and some people are going to be more snappish about it. I probably wouldn’t have said anything to those boys, but I don’t think you did anything wrong by talking to them.
Maggie says:
I use to always say something and then my kids got older. I realized the abilities of children change and climbing high and doing things differently becomes fun for them and fun to watch. I always make sure my children behave appropriately for the age of the children on the play ground. If there are 1 and 2 year olds toddling around, climbing and going nuts is not allowed and they understand that. The problem is you have playgrounds with 1 year olds and 10 year olds and it’s hard for them to play in the same space. Now if my kids are with children all within their age group and someone is putting themselves in danger, I do still speak up. What the boys you were correcting were doing sounds a bit dangerous even for me. The fact that they were rude to an adult is even worse. Even if the mother didn’t care about the climbing she should care that she has rude boys…that’s way worse.
Mandy says:
The way I look at it is: if the parent is there, and wants to parent poorly, let him/her. I REFUSE to be a “competimom”. So, I don’t say anything about people’s parenting skills. That being said, I see what I will call “sub-par” parenting all the time-thanks to the cell phones, mostly: texting in the car with the kid, talking on the phone while driving, texting at the park while your 2 year old runs around throwing sand, chatting away on your phone while pushing your kid in the grocery cart….in other words, ignore your child. The kid usually is cutting up or has a vacant stare (seen this today in the grocery store). Yeah, I guess that SUPER urgent phone call about strawberries being on sale at Publix and Uncle Rueben’s colitis couldn’t wait until you got home.
However, it’s one thing for a parent to look out for hidden dangers threatening all kids (like a broken piece of equipment/bad situations), which is a good thing to do-which Mike did.
I would have said, “Well, if YOU don’t care if they break playground equipment or their necks, I guess I won’t be concerned either.”
With a smile!
And, to agree with Maggie: her boys were rude. Probably…just. like. mom. and maybe dad.
Penbleth says:
Sadly it is getting to a stage when it is just impossible to speak to someone else’s child, whether the parent is there or not. If you let something awful happen you’ll be castigated for not stepping in to prevent it but if you do you’re wrong for speaking to a strange child or intimating that they are not perfect. Heaven forbid anyone suggest the little darling isn’t an angel.
When the parent is there and they aren’t doing anything it is just as bad. I have recently, in work, had to speak twice to the same mother about being more careful how she supervises her child as he was getting in to dangerous situation and she just turned it round that I was picking on her. Can’t win whatever you do.
Audra says:
You did the right thing. I would have done the same. I’ve found that the older I get the less concerned I am with a negative parental reaction. This sounds selfish, but I’m more worried about how I would live with myself if I didn’t say something and a child got hurt.
Anna says:
As a teacher, I always have to say something. It’s my job to keep other people’s children safe, so I will correct them if they are potentially about to cause themselves or others harm. People can give me all the dirty looks they want.
Also, that mom may have thought climbing on the top of the playground equipment was fine for her children (which it wasn’t), but what about the bad example it sets for littler ones?
Now, I have had to stop myself from telling a child in public to tuck in his shirt. That’s part of our dress code, and I probably say it 50 times a day, so it’s a little ingrained.
a mom says:
So for those of you who support Mike’s saying something to the parents of the boys – do you then support me in saying that he was equally as reckless by allowing his daughter to play on a metal climbing structure in ballet flats and not in rubber soled shoes?
Sneaks on a playground is rule number one.
Where do you draw the line? Friendship, potential harm, distraction?
Heather says:
Funny, because there was a sign on the climbing structure that said, “for children under five” but it said nothing about shoes.
Most kids in Southern California play in playgrounds barefoot. I made her keep her shoes on because this playground was wood chips, not sand.
I think this is pretty reaching.
Meghan says:
Jeez, you guys can’t win. People complain when you don’t have shoes on Annie and now they complain when you do.
YOU HATE YUR BABEEE.
a mom says:
But don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re proving my point.
Your outrage at my suggesting that you are not caring properly for your daughter is comparable to the dirty look Mike got from the mother.
Different parents parent differently.
No child of mine would EVER be allowed to go barefoot (or, sorry, wear ballet shoes) at a public playground but then yup, I let them be the monkeys they are and climb on top of some of the structures.
And while sure, there will always be parents who are negligent, sometimes, you have to give other parents the benefit of the doubt and trust that they know what they’re doing.
Kadee says:
First to Mike – yes, trips to the park are stressful. There is always some little brat there knocking down the little kids and not letting them go down the slides etc. If you say anything to this kid (or his parent) YOU are the bad guy. Does that stop me? No. If a kid is throwing sand or being unsafe (especially to my nieces and children), I say something. Politely of course. Sometimes the parent(s) gets mad. So be it.
The playground is there for all of us to enjoy and it’s hard when someone is there ruining the experience for everyone else. You said your piece to the boys and then dropped it. That was perfect. It’s totally the teacher coming out in you, and if you said that to one of my kids I would thank you for being concerned. Of course, my kids had better not be climbing on top of the damned play unit because we would not be going back for a long time. Falls are dangerous.
To A Mom – that’s not the same situation at all. The boys were outside the limits of the playground; someplace they shouldn’t be. It doesn’t matter if they have the skill to be there or not, and I’m sure they were more than capable of being up there. The thing is, there’s no safety, no rails etc. If Mike found the courage to speak up about it, it was a concerning situation. “It’s always fine until it isn’t” is a saying we have here. Also? “It’s not the fall that hurts, it’s the sudden stop at the end”.
That’s great that you make your children wear protective shoes at the playground. Awesome! But wearing ballet flats vs. “proper shoes” is not the same as dealing with a potential fall. A potentially fatal fall for a grown man is 3m. Being at any height 3m and above requires fall arrest equipment to be worn where I work. Now 3m is just under 10ft – and that’s for a grown man. Kids are a lot shorter than that.
Annie is also just 1yr old (therefore not able to be monkey-ish yet), and supervised by both her parents playing on a playground specified for her age group. I’d say ballet flats are perfectly acceptable.
Heather says:
Actually, I think you’re missing the point – a kid could fall and break his or her neck from playing improperly on the jungle gym – or fall on other children and injure them as well. Ballet shoes on the playground are not life or death.
JenC says:
I think at Annie’s age ballet flats are perfectly fine, she’s not old enough to really be doing running and climbing without parents. I don’t equate a “be careful” warning to boys climbing on top of the playscape as nearly the same thing. Now if Annie was wearing her ballet flats while climbing up the outside of the slide yelling “look at me!” that is a whole other story :). I think my daughter at 14 months was still wearing Robeez to the playground.
Hollie says:
My daughter wears flip flops to the playground. She has yet to have a serious injury. She could easily fall wearing “the proper shoes” or by another kid. The shoes are not the issue here.
Hollie says:
The same thing happened just last week at our local park. Except this was a little boy who was about a year old. He had climbed up to a slide that was very high and the other side was a drop off. He was visably scared and crying. The mother was on the bench making out with her boyfriend while another parent climed up there to see who’s kid this was. After the little boy finally got down his mother then got upset and started arguing with the other mom for saying something, telling her to mind her own business and stop telling her how to be a parent. It actually got pretty ugly. I was shocked at what I was seeing and hearing.
Jennifer says:
As the mother of a 7 year old daughter, I totally agree with you. As the mother of a 9 year old crazy son who would be the one on top of the playground equipment, I completely understand the mother’s response. I would have probably said the same thing, while rolling my eyes – not at you – but at my insane son’s daredevil behavior!!!!!
Samantha F. in St. Paul says:
I don’t think you overstepped your bounds at all at the park. If that was my daughter I would have hoped someone said something to her if I wasn’t paying close enough attention to what she was doing.
Also, if it came down to it and I had to step in and say something to those boys I would have looked at the mom after she said that and replied “yeah, well if they hurt my daughter because they aren’t playing safely on the park equipment you can be sure you will be getting the medical bill in the mail-have a great day!”
Jen says:
I didn’t read through all the comments so sorry if someone else said this. It’s hard to tell from the picture, but in my opinion it doesn’t look that high for an 8 year old. If he/she can get up there on his/her own & feels comfortable then ok. In my personal experience, things that seem very dangerous when you have a 2 year old don’t seem so bad with an older kid. So anyway, it’s a judgment call and not yours to make, unless your kid or other smaller kids were in danger. But you were worried enough to take action, nothing wrong with that. In the future, perhaps something not so confrontational on your part. I would ask if they had permission to be up there or if Mom/Dad/caretaker knew they were there. Point out the smaller kids, ask them to watch out for the smaller kids. You did what you thought was right.
Molly says:
I used to babysit a two year old girl and I was always up and playing with her at the playground. It always made me anxious that people would sit on the benches and talk on their cell phones instead of being with the kids. One time, I had to stop a little boy from eating a fallen ice cream cone covered in ants. It was SO gross.
Elizabeth says:
Ugh I seriously can’t stand parents like this! In the long run, what are you teaching your children, seriously! I don’t think you were over stepping at all!
Audrey says:
I work as yard duty at an elementary school. And have been yelled at countless times by parents who think that I shouldn’t be yelling at their kids for doing what they shouldn’t be doing. An incident just happened today, where a boy and girl, of between 6 and 8, was asked to walk between two vehicles to go to where their Mom asked them to. I had to yell at to come back and sternly told them that they should not have done that, and that it was very dangerous. The mom came down from her car from across the street and said I should not have yelled at them. That I was scaring them. I explained the reason being there had been accidents (to which she said, “Not my kids!”) and that it was dangerous. Made me apologized to her daughter (who wasn’t crying when I got them back to the sidewalk) but interfered when I tried to explain to the daughter (saying, “Don’t talk to her like that, she heard you telling me that 10x!) and left after yelling that I am not fit for this job and that I should not be working around kids.
Perhaps, this mom is just having a bad day, I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt. But accidents do happen, and I would not wish for that to happen upon anyone, not under my watch, for sure. Would I have done any differently? No, I wouldn’t. I’d rather be yelled at (no, not really!) and those kids are safe and sound than being yelled at and felt guilty should anything had happened. The way I see it, there is no winning for me, is there? If one of the vehicles had accidentally reversed and hit the kids, I’d be blamed for not foreseeing and preventing that from happening, and I’m also wrong for yelling at the kids and sternly making them see the dangerous situation that they were in.
If this mom has the time to get down from her car from across the street and have a confrontation with me, why not just park the car and come and get your kids?
Thoughts?