Since Annie is the only kid in our home, she spends the majority of her time interacting with adults. This never struck me as a potential problem, especially since I’m pretty much a big kid myself, but yesterday a couple things happened that made me wonder if we need to get Annie around kids her age more often.
The first thing happened after Annie looked out the window and said, “There’s monsters out there.” I nodded and replied, “Yup. Gotta be careful!” This is a silly little thing we’ve done every night since our trip to Santa Barbara, and it always makes us giggle. (For the record Heather thinks we’re weirdos.) Anyway, after our usual monsters shtick Annie added, “You think monsters will play with me? Nice monsters come play?” I was briefly taken aback by this, after all, what could possibly make a kid want to play with a monster? Could she be that lonely?
I told Annie that I didn’t think a monster would play with her but that I would. Annie accepted this, but as we played blocks I got the feeling she was thinking, “Playing with Dad? Again?”
Annie wearing her Snow White dress with Dad
The second thing that happened related to Annie’s new found obsession with Snow White. She now not only asks to be called “Snow White,” but has a Snow White dress that she literally wakes up asking to wear.
“Good morning, Annie!”
“Not ‘Annie,’ Dada. ‘Snow White!’ Wear dress?”
I hadn’t been able to figure out why Annie was so captivated with Snow White until yesterday when she asked, “Dada? Where the seven dwarfs? I want to play with them. They’re like kids.”
I laughed at this initially – it was a pretty cute thing for a kid to say – but the more I thought about it I started to worry that she was calling out for kids her own age – friends – to interact with.
Annie does have her cousins (including BFF Michaela) to play with, as well as the kids of our adult friends, but on an average day Annie hangs with only adults. Since I don’t want her to be lonely or to stunt her development, I’ve started to think about whether this is healthy for her.
Is there an age when Annie really needs to be around kids her age? Should we put her into pre-school early? Heather and I both had siblings in the home from the moment we came home from the hospital, so these questions are new to us.
Kayla says:
I would suggest maybe local play groups for kids, a mommy and me type thing? Heather could hook up with some local moms and Annie would get the one-on-one kid interaction you think she should have.
I would say no to the preschool thing though, only because my thinking on it is that she’s going to be in school for the next twenty plus odd years, yes? She’ll have plenty of time for that, so for now she could just enjoy being a kid. School free. Just my child-less thoughts on the matter!
Oh, not to the mention there are plenty of cheaper options for Annie to get “kid time” than preschool. Uh ‘cuz that is some expensive stuff right there, especially here in the Great Land of Everything Is So Expensive It Will Cost Both Your Arms and Maybe a Leg California. :p
Steph says:
I think pre-school would be great for Annie. She’s such a bright and clever girl. Pre-school teaches kids things besides “school” stuff, like learning to share, practicing patience, and taking turns. Also, preschool doesn’t have to be full time. Here in Australia, you can go a couple of days a week. I’m sure it’s similiar there. This option would allow you guys to get involved in play groups or other activities if you wanted. Good luck!
Mommy says:
You guys are in Thousand Oaks (I think?), right?? Annie is the perfect age for Parent and Me preschool and the Horizon Hills program is right in your area! The teachers are AMAZING, she will get to interact with other kiddos, you get to meet other local Moms and Dads, and it’s a great intro to school without being daycare, since she isn’t getting dropped off. It’s once a week for 3 hours. In my experience, what happens is the kids start by hanging out with Mom or Dad, but as the weeks pass, they start playing together and the parents just sort of hang out and observe. We ADORE that school and have met some of our closest friends (big and little) there. You should totally check it out and see if it’s a good fit. If not, there are tons of other great Parent and me classes, or you could look into Gymboree or My Gym, or ballet or art or soccer classes through the Park and Rec so she could get a little more kid time. Or you could even start your own little play group that meets once a week. I think it’s great for kids to play and learn together, but don’t worry about a lot of adult time either. You guys are doing an amazing job with that little angel!
Mommy says:
Here’s the link for Horizon Hills:
http://www.conejoadultschool.org/parenting/Parenthome.htm
I swear I don’t work there, we just love it and have had the best experience there! Also, it’s through the Adult Ed program through the school district so it’s way cheaper than typical preschool or parent/child classes. It’s called “parent education” because the teacher leads discussion groups each week with the parents while the kids play and you learn about different topics like potty training, etc. If it wasn’t for the tips from the other moms in our class, my older son would never have gotten out of diapers!
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Hend says:
Hi Mike,
My daughter Sofia is 2 months younger than Annie. I started asking myself a lot of the same questions regarding her interaction with adults. Also, in this part of the world, outdoor activities are limited because it’s always SO HOT, which means a lot of inside play time. I decided to put Sofia in preschool a week after she turned 2.
Although the first 3 days were difficult (she cried and didn’t participate), that all changed drastically. She LOVED school. She only went for 4 hours, and it made everything in our lives easier. She enjoyed the routine, loved her teachers, made a lot of new friends, learned new songs and picked up new phrases, and best of all, I got a few hours to myself every morning. Now that school is out for the summer she asks me to “go to school?” every single day.
I realize all children aren’t the same, but I hope my experience gives you an idea of your options. It might be more difficult for Annie to adjust to preschool when she’s older?
Good luck to you guys.
Becca Masters says:
I think a parent/toddler group would be a good idea.
Annalisa says:
Hmmm…. toddlers and preschoolers do better when they are around other kids at predictable times. I’d second the aforementioned suggestion about parenting groups and part time preschool, with a caveat that sometimes even the best parenting group can fold operation unexpectedly (we’ve had mixed success with parenting groups), so going through a school and/or structured program would give you more stability in the long run.
I can sympathize with your worries. My daughter has always been very social. I swear that as soon as she could babble, she looked like she wanted to talk to people. This past year, she loved being in daycare while her mom went to school. Now that we’re both home for the summer, she keeps going “friends?”, because she misses being around other kids her age. I play with her a lot, and we go on park outings a lot, but it’s just not the same for her.
She will look positively giddy with joy when she sees other kids she might play with, but since it’s kids who don’t know her as well as her little friends did, and may or may not be at her same level of interactivity, sometimes there’s palpable disappointment on her part, and I feel kinda guilty: intellectually I know that having her in daycare is super expensive at the best of times, and with me home full time in the summer, it made zero financial sense; emotionally, I feel like a bad person for depriving my child of the kid to kid interaction that she obviously craves.
I just tell myself that we’re making the best of it, and that this summer is about exploring future summer options. We may very well visit this kid friendly coffee shop with a play room this week rather than do it on weekends, and see if we can’t find other parents and children who go there regularly.
Deirdre says:
When my son was born, I was working full time so I had to put him in day care. What I learned, what astounded me, was how young kids, babies really, start making friends. Oh they may not really interact or play together, but they do want to see each other. By the time my son was just over 2, he was talking about kids in a “class” and could somewhat reliably tell me which kids he “played” with. I’m not working now but I enrolled my daughter who is a couple of weeks older than Annie in a day care/preschool program a few days a week. She genuinely seems to enjoy the kids there and it’s nice to expose her to other “teachers”.
I think Annie could really benefit from going to a preschool, even if it’s just a few hours a week. She’s smart and shed probably love the interaction. Plus it’s a good foundation for her for when she ” has to ” go to school.
steph says:
I grew up the youngest, with older sibs and cousins. I was a happy surprise, as my mom remarried after being widowed for many years. I benefitted a lot from being raised with older people around, but I also developed a quirkiness and did often feel left out. I agree with a mother’s morning out or even preschool 2-3 days per week. My only child has loved his “school” experience. The breathing time for parents is also wonderful!
Molly says:
I would second/third/fourth a part-time preschool or “mom’s day out” sort of thing if it’s in the budget. Annie would probably love it and I bet you guys could use the break.
Dannielle says:
Where I live there are a lot of mothers day out and preschool programs for kids that are run through the churches. I work, but even in times when I was laid off I wanted my daughter to continue with some sort of structured time with other kids so I looked into these programs. They were much cheaper than regular daycare, you could pick from 2-5 days a week for just the morning hours.
I can’t believe all that my 3 year old has learned at daycare that I never even thought to teacher her… Counting in spainish, superheroes, knock knock jokes… She loves school and asks to go even on the weekends.
RG says:
We put our Jack in preschool 3 days a week when he turned 2. He loved it!
Alison says:
I think preschool is a great idea for Annie. I have three kids and started them all in preschool at age two. It was two mornings a week for two hours. It really helps with sharing with other kids, learning separation and a little independence. I’ve never regretted starting preschool so early and it sounds like Annie would do really well. That’s not to say the first couple times you drop her off won’t suck but it’s worth it. Good luck!
Libby says:
Even though I’m a full time parent, both of my kids did a toddler program at a local preschool two mornings a week when they were two. My eldest daughter used to cry…when it was time to leave. Couldn’t get away from me fast enough! My youngest needed it for another reason, he was in no rush to leave my side, and I knew “real” preschool would be tough if he had never spent time in a safe environment away from me.
I was a little sad the first week he went, (“my baby!!”) but I grew to love a little time to myself. Although I understand the argument against early school programs (they will be in school for years!!) honestly. It’s just organized playtime. The only thing I want them to learn is how not to bite the kid next to them. The rest, the songs, clay handprints, and adorable finger paintings is all just gravy.
Good luck!
SA says:
Sounds like the general consensus around here, but I think that a little bit of structured socialization would be great for Annie! I know that a few months ago you guys were talking about how Annie got very upset when you left and was a bit reticent around people that weren’t in your immediate family. I was reading about the swim lessons now and you were concerned about Annie being in the pool without you guys and you even realized that part of the worries were about how YOU would react to her being away from you. I think that incorporating more activities like that, or bringing her to a playcare center or a dance/gymnastics center where she can get energy out and play with other kids will be great for you guys and will also let her learn to trust and listen to other adults who are not related to her, and she’ll start to learn how to work out childhood socialization. I personally think that trying to transition into a setting where you guys aren’t around will be best for Annie, because she will learn a lot of independence and won’t always look to you to fix problems, and you guys also will be forced to let her fly.
Good luck!
Cassandra Beverly says:
I am about to {in less than two weeks} marry a graduate of public policy {he’s super nerdy & it is great} he took a class on education policy and I found it cool to know that early childhood education is actually good economic policy. Studies show that it has more economic return than any other type of schooling! She’s showing the signs of being interested in school, I’d seriously consider it…Best of luck in your decision!
Zoë says:
Here in the South, many churches offer Mother’s Day Out programs, where you can leave your child in a playgroup setting for a few hours each week. The idea is that mom, or dad, gets a break and the child gets to spend a few hours with other kids. The best part is, you don’t have to go to church to sign-up, and it’s usually cheaper than a traditional preschool. I wish I had done it sooner with my eldest, but I did enroll him in a local nursery school two mornings a week when he was Annie’s age, and we both loved it. Just having the freedom to go sit in a coffee shop for a few hours BY MYSELF or even cleaning the house was wonderful, and guilt-free.
Alicia says:
We are a member of a playgroup and a MOPS group. Both have been great resources for me making friends, and for C to have other kiddos to play with. I also have several friends with kids C’s age who we try and get together with often. I have no plan of putting my 2 year old in school or day care just because… I’d rather spend this time with her.
Meighan says:
If it helps, my youngest daughter (of four kids) changes her name depending on which Disney movie she wants to watch. She also changes the names of her siblings to match the characters in that movie. Just saying- she’s not the only two year old doing that. Our daughters were born just days apart.
Michell DuBose says:
It is time for preschool, mother’s day out, dance classes, any or all of the above. Preschool and Mother’s day out are different from day care, we are talking 2 or 3 mornings a week, not a full time thing. My youngest was so lonely when her brother went back to school and she was 20 months old, that I put her in a mother’s day out program. She loved it and made friends with girls that she remained friends with for years afterwards.
Steph says:
I was a SAHM when my girls were little and enrolled them in a preschool for four hours two days a week. I could work out, go to the doctor by myself, have lunch with hubby. They both made sweet friends and enjoyed going.
Dawn says:
I would say look for some sort of toddler class that allows her time to play and interact with other kids. The advantage is you will then get to meet the parents too and who knows maybe you will hit it off with them and be able to make play dates too.
Sonya aka Glam-O-Mommy says:
Mike, as an only child who stayed mostly at home with my mom until preschool at 4, I can tell you I was a bit starved for fellow playmates. When my parents would leave me with their friends who have kids to go do something for a few hours without me, I would throw a fit when they came back because I wanted to stay and play. My mom says I would stand in our little fenced backyard and wave toys over the fence as if to say “Come play with me!” to kids in backyards nearby. Pathetic, I know. I was really happy to start going to school!
Now, I have only one child, and I initially had A LOT of heartburn over going back to work when she was four months old and putting her in a day school a few blocks away from my office. (I went and fed her lunch every day for a year!) But honestly, I think it’s one of the best things I’ve done for her. Right away, she started doing things (like rolling over) that she hadn’t been doing at home because she had other babies to watch. She plays with her friends all day long. This last year, in her preschool class, they do art, take music, go to chapel on Wednesdays, have splash days, and even Spanish lessons! She also takes an optional dance class. She comes home talking about her different friends and what they do on the playground each day. I think it’s been great for her socially. Sophie goes four days a week and Fridays are our day to have some fun time together. Maybe you might want to explore either a playgroup or a preschool even just a few days a week…just something to give her an outlet with some other kids. Don’t get me wrong…at home, Sophie loves nothing more than to play with her Daddy…she’s practically his shadow! But if Annie’s asking to play with other kids, I think it’s time to find her a regular way to do that!
Trisha says:
Play dates or groups might be something to look into or even starting her in preschool for a few hours in the morning a couple days a week to really get that interaction with kids her size.
It was hard to put my 2 year old in preschool after my mom had stayed with her those first 2 years but it was great move for us and she loves it.
Auntie_M says:
As a former preschool teacher, I think having Annie in a good, open-concept preschool 2 mornings a week would be great for her. Or dance or tumbling or something where she gets to interact with other kids her age while also doing something developmental. Or a weekly mommy-(or daddy)-&-me play group–being around other kids is important. And I think mixed ages is good: 2-4 or 2-5 year olds is a great mix!
Jay - The Dude of the House says:
I’ve struggled with this same issue. I’m glad that my Little Dude is around us much of the time, but I think he would be better served and stimulated among other kids his age more of the time. Working on finding a pre-school now, but they are so damn expensive!
Annalisa says:
If there are some in your area, you might want to look into Co-op preschools. The idea is that they are cheaper than regular preschools. They have the same state mandated standards as institutional preschool and daycare, but can offer you a lower price because a lot of the scuttle work (fixing lunches, keeping the place clean, clerical work) is done by parents rather than hired staff, which keeps operation costs down.
When you enroll your child, you also make a time commitment to work a set numbers of hours a month as part of your way to contribute towards enrollment. In many instances, it works out to about 4-5 hours a week. I have to admit, the idea appeals to me, since I used to work with pre-schoolers, miss being around multiple kids (love my kid a whole bunch, but sometimes it’s nice not to be the center of interactions), and traditional preschool isn’t cheap!
Right now my daughter is too little to qualify for enrollment in most of the ones local to me: they tend to stick with pre-K and Kinder aged kids, so I had to go with institutional day care for now… but we’re definitely thinking of trying it out next year.
Kirsten says:
I haven’t taken the time to read other’s suggestions so I apologize if this is redundant – but we had the same questions about our son. He is 4 now and still an only child (we recently miscarried as well, so really feeling for you guys) – At 2 years old after being super clingy to both of us, and not having alot of adult friends with younger kids – we ended up putting him in preschool 2 days a week and it was the best thing we could have done! He has flourished socially and l feel like being as young as he was, he learned how to adapt to a school-like schedule without too many issues. Being around all those other kids older and younger and the same age has been amazing for him….but then he also gets to come home and have just us and he appreciates it differently then he did before. So I suggest maybe 1 or 2 days a week with a playgroup or a preschool for Annie…she’s so smart and friendly already she’d probably love it! Good luck
Sara says:
I’m sending my 3-year-old to pre-K starting in September for this very reason. She has had other kid interaction, but it’s mainly with family (she has eight cousins who all live within 30 minutes of us, all under the age of 6). She only has one non-family friend her age, and he lives so far away that we only see him once a month at best.
If pre-K isn’t an option (a lot don’t start until age 3), I’d look into some kind of class or lesson. Annie likes dancing, so my first thought was “dance class!” I know of several dance studios that have a 30-minute, once a week “creative movement” class for younger kids who are too undisciplined for straight-up ballet. My other thought was to search for a Kindermusik class. http://www.kindermusik.com/
Then, if she really bonds with a kid, you can set up playtime.
Mommy says:
I second the kindermusic suggestion!! We LOVED those classes and still sing all the songs from his first set of classes two years later! Annie would love it!!
Jessica Makuh says:
We started our girls out in preschool at 2 1/2. It was wonderful for both of them! They only went a couple of days a week, like MWF, in the morning or Tuesday/Thursday all day. I am a stay-at-home Mom, so I didn’t want them gone all the time. They learned how to interact with others and got a headstart on learning the alphabet and numbers. I highly recommend it. Our oldest daughter is 5 now and starting kindergarten in August. She aced the kindergarten screening tests! I bet Annie would love it! I especially like all the arts/crafts they bring home and the funny stuff they tell me. I write it all down! Abby came home one day and told me that “Noah” was getting coal in his stocking because he misbehaves at preschool. LOL! Kids are the best!
giselle says:
I think she would LOVE to be around other kids. I would consider putting her in a part-time preschool. She’d have so much fun!
liz b says:
Are there kids in your neighborhood that play outside? I have a 2 year old and she loves her friends, she gets antsy when we spend too much time inside or if we don’t see friends enough. There is a good balance to find. I totally recommend finding neighborhood friends or enrolling in pre-school (before 3 though it’s really just learning to separate from mom and dad) after 3 it’s socialization etc.
Good luck!
Jackie says:
I went through the same thing with my daughter when she was younger. We did the whole ‘cousins’ thing but she would get bored since she see’s them usually anyway.. she wanted interaction with kids she didnt know.. and wouldnt see for another day.. so I enrolled her in pre-school. Only part time.. which meant she still got to wake up at her usual time.. and went to ‘school’ from 12:30-2:30..
When they are that young the teachers usually try to teach sharing, co-opperation.. songs.. etc.. [like a comment said above].. I think its pretty common to put kids in pre-school simply for the social aspect of it. I know some kids who dont go to preschool have a bit of trouble adjusting to sharing & all that once they start in kindergarten [not all but some]. Although pre-school can be a bit pricey depending where you go.. they also have co-sponsored programs and even free one’s. Like someone said.. she will spend the next 12+ years in school… so dont worry too much about putting her in a pricey preschool just yet… just find her a place where they have a lot of FUN!
Just my opinion, good luck!
Amber says:
I am an only child who started preschool at 4. I honestly never had a real friend until I was 7 years old, and that’s fine with me. I’m not terribly social and I love hanging out by myself, and I’ve always had plenty of friends. I often get confused when I hear of 3-year-olds having “best friends” because I don’t really even remember anything from before I was 4. If my parents had me hanging out with other kids, I wouldn’t know — I don’t even remember hanging out with my cousins at that age! But then again, I was about to skip a grade when I was 6 and they decided not to because of (and I quote) “poor social skills” — so maybe you shouldn’t listen to me
Lissa says:
I am right there with you, Amber. Except I didn’t even go to preschool at all. I was babysat (by adult professional sitters, just not formal daycare) from the time I was a baby as both my parent’s worked (mom was a teacher). But other than that, straight into kindergarten, swim lessons, softball at age 5. Honestly, I remember nothing before age 5. (I also had nothing traumatic happen in my childhood)
I am a self-sufficient, fiercely independent, successful adult who is overall happy and a homebody. I also find making new friends puzzling and difficult. I am uncomfortable in social situations that are not organized. I am not good with people in general. Now, whether this is just part of my innate personality or would have been lessened by more early childhood exposure to children/formal learning environment, I don’t know. But if I were a parent, I would not want to be asking myself that question. In my mind, there is no downside to early preschool/playgroups.
Darcie says:
Hi Mike,
We had this same worry. Our 2 year old doesn’t go to day care, she stays with a family member while her moms are at work, and won’t start preschool for a little bit longer (and even then it’s a parent an me class…until she turns 3!).
So, we enrolled her in several classes with other kids. She goes to gym once a week (it’s an hour class in the morning at LittleGym) where she “learns” gymnastics and plays with other kids. She also does a class hosted by our city called Toddlers Love Music (which is basically non-top toddler chaos), Music is typically followed by time on the playground with the other kids and lastly (which I know you guys are already doing) we do swim once a week as well.
We also live in Southern California, so I imagine you guys have many of these same possibilities!
Becca_Masters says:
actually, kiddies gymnastics and ballet are probably a great idea and a good compromise if you don’t want to do a daycare/kindergarten. or perhaps even a mix of both.
Meg says:
How about a Music Together class? Time with kids, potential to meet some new friends, plus learning some sweet, sweet jams.
Ana-Maria says:
That is a tough one. I think it is different for every child but here, we have a program called ‘Strong Start’ which you are encouraged to take your child since birth. Mom, or Dad, or Grandma, or Grandpa, or Aunt, or Uncle (you get the point) can take the children to this program. Our doctor recommended it to us. She says it is very important for small children as well as infants to interact with in their own age groups to learn how to properly socialize. I think at two and a half Annie would probably really thrive from a program as such. The teacher encourages learning through play. The children do enjoy this! Because you are thinking Annie is wanting, perhaps needing more interaction with other young persons her age, a children’s group might better suit. She will be able to venter out on her own but still have you close by on the sidelines in case she needs you. Heather and you will be able to choose something which will work well for Annie and for your family because the great thing about baby and children’s groups are they are usually flexible. Good luck!
lisa gleeson says:
Mike,
Both of my girls (now grown) started a 3 day a week (just mornings) neighborhood nursery school at the age of 2. My first one didn’t talk to other adults besides myself and I wanted her to learn do deal with other adults and her little sister started at 2 so that she was there while her sister was there. I think they only got positive things from being there. It helped that it was a preschool that allowed me to sub and volunteer there so I really did know what was going on.
My grandson is now 3 and not in any type of preschool and I can really see him wanting to be with other children (he is an only child right now). I think socializing and playing with other children is just as important as academics for children, it may be even more important.
Lisa
Leigh Elliott says:
When our daughter was 2.5 years old we started her in nursery school. Just two mornings a week but it was wonderful. She loved it, and I loved it. It was fun to pick her up and hear about her day. She got to be with other kids (she’s an only child) and I got a little bit of quiet time too. Win/win! We were also able to meet more people with kids and she made some friends that we are now pretty close to. Kids learn so much from each other. Even just be sitting next to another kid and playing, it’s all good. And I don’t look at it as “school” I look at it more like socialization.
If you don’t go the nursery school route this fall, maybe try a “Music Together” class, or check to see what is going on at your town recreation center.
Naomi says:
My daughter is just a few months older than Annie. She started preschool last year – went 3 mornings each week. It was a wonderful experience for her. I would suggest play groups as well. I work part time & have an excellent nanny. My daughter had “lunch dates” almost every day with my nanny and at least a few other kids in the neighbourhood.
That said, she has 2 brothers that would play with her too, when they’re home from school.
Personally, I’m an only child. I spent a lot of time with adults, and wish my parents had done more to have me around kids my own age – I didn’t learn skills I should have! (not saying this will happen, of course, just my perspective of not having enough interaction with my peers when young)
Amy says:
When my kids were young I lived at the local (free) Family Place for their entertainment/socialization Monday to Friday mornings.
And how I loved having a routine that got us out of the house and there by 10 am Not to mention the opportunity it gave me to interact with other mothers/fathers of kids in the program and with those having ventured off to pre-school/kindergarten and get their take on the schools..
Win-Win and encourage you to do similar
Invaluable experience.