Lately it seems that someone – more than likely at three in the morning when I was fast asleep – flipped a switch that transformed Annie from a baby into a full fledged toddler. This change has been awesome to witness, but it has also seriously complicated life around these parts.
I first noticed this change after Annie made an ill-advised attempt to put on Mrs. Potato Head’s glasses and poked herself in the eye. An hour later, after the crying was long over, she climbed up next to me on the couch and pressed her head against my shoulder.
“Mrs. Potato… Glasses… Eye… Annie cry.”
Whoa. Did she really just relate to me what happened earlier?
“I remember, sweetie,” I finally replied. “You stuck yourself in the eye and it hurt, huh?”
“Yeah, Dadda. Owie.”
That was only the beginning of our conversations. Her little voice now can be heard calling out to me all day:
“Dadda! Come hereeeeee!”
It doesn’t matter if I’m on a call in the office, talking to someone at the door, or, um, in the restroom. Over and over she yells, “Dadda! Come hereeee!”
When I return to her side she squeals, “Dadda! Let’s go!” then pulls me by the finger to her latest interest. Today it was drawing together on her chalkboard, an activity that quickly morphed into the “Name Something You Want Daddy To Draw” game.
“Dadda! Draw Santa!”
“Draw a Christmas Tree, Dadda!”
“Draw Muno! Draw DJ Lance! Draw Foofa!”
“Draw Spencer! Draw a snowman! Draw a dinosaur!”
Behold! Our artistic genius.
I drew, and drew, and drew, and she squealed with delight no matter how poor a rendering I created of her desired subject. But the minute I tried to stop I heard, “Again! Dadda! Again!”
That is how it always is. It doesn’t matter if I play with her for five minutes or over an hour. When I have to stop she falls onto the ground and cries like I’ve broken her little heart.
Before I had kids I would see parents ignore their kid as he or she yelled, “Mama look. Mama Look! LOOK, MAMA!,” and I used to judge them and pledge never to be that way. But being a parent is hard. I love that Annie is coming into her own and wants to explore the world with her old man, but part of me is totally exhausted by this new Annie.
I feel very guilty about this, especially when I think about Maddie. Who am I to step away from playing with Annie when I will never get to play with Maddie again? How amazing would it be to draw with Maddie? There is nothing I wouldn’t give for that… I can’t even type “draw with Maddie” without tearing up.
There’s a balance somewhere to found. Balance that is fair for me, Annabel, and even Maddie. But I haven’t found it yet.
Cinthia says:
I think being a normal parent is the right thing to do. And normal parents get tired and don’t have the energy to do everything for hours on end. You guys were great with Maddie and you’re doing great with Annie. Now, just take a break and laugh at non- or pre-parents who judge you for taking a breather and tell them WAIT TIL YOU HAVE YOUR OWN.
Jenn says:
Oohh Mike, I can see your point but I think you hit the nail right on the head about creating a balance & being fair to yourself!! I know 2 things to be true….1) YOU are an AMAZING dad to both your girls!! 2) As lucky as you are to call them your baby girls… They are as equally as lucky to have yourself & Heather as parents!!!! Soon enough Annie will learn not all dads (or parents for that case) have such creative, hands on parents!!! But, there is such a thing as BURN OUT so for all your sakes if you feel like you need a break…TAKE IT!! There is No shame for Annie to learn even mommy & daddy need there own quiet time, just like Annie does.
Jenn says:
Sorry…just thought of something…Would it help Annie transition into you stopping an active if you gave her a warning before hand? E.g…”Okay Annie, Dada is going to draw you three more pictures then Dada is going to go do some work (or whatever) and you can play with your toys”. Then after each picture, remind her again and when your done, give her a hug and tell her dada would play with her again soon. Just a thought…it worked with my gang although I must admit, my laid back boys got it (or accepted it) quicker then my strong willed, stubborn,amazing daughter did! Ha ha My Best…
lara says:
yes! we did this with our daughter. even before she can understand time we’d tell her 5 more minutes, 2 more minutes, etc. works great for leaving the playground too!
Lindsey says:
Yep, I was going to write something similar to Jen – “I will draw with you for two minutes and then Daddy has to get back to work”. Trust me, you won’t regret setting her up for independant play because the DEPENDANT play just gets worse as they get bigger.
Susan says:
I agree with Jen and Lindsey; it sounds like Annie is getting old enough to understand the counting down idea. And Jen is right ; you are not ignoring Annie you are teaching her independence and boundaries.
Bonnie says:
Here’s a suggestion you can try if you want. If you do a google search, you’ll find some cute/colorful kitchen timers. Demonstrate how the timer works…and how the timer “bings” when it goes off. (Heck, as a homeschool mom from years ago, I’d have used the timer to teach her numbers, too…hahaha). Anyway, have her get used to transitioning by doing a very small activity together (5 minutes or so) such as rolling a ball together, let her hear the timer go off, and then transition. When introducing this concept, explain ahead of time that when the bell goes “bing! daddy is going to his desk/work, etc. and play time is done. She’ll resist, of course, but if you utilize it consistently she’ll get the hang of it in about 2 weeks. Sometimes, it’s hard for us parents to transition as much as the children, since we don’t want to see them upset or have them feel they are being ignored, so the timer will be good for you, too. If you stick to this..she might even bring you the timer so you two can spend time together. If she does, set the timer to 15 minutes or so (you’ll be able to move the time to longer as she gets used to it) and tell her when it “bings” daddy can take a break and play. Eventually, you won’t have to use the timer as she’ll learn how to transition from you. Good luck. First time poster and love the blog!
Kelley Chambless says:
It is so normal to feel that way!! Toddlers are exhausting!! Such sweet bundles of joy and so amazing!! My husband and I think this is the BEST age….but we need a break sometimes! DON’T FEEL BAD that you are needing a bit of an adult moment!! and my daughter falls out crying too whether it has been 2 hours or 2 mins of us playing with her! I think it is a faze! LOL:)
Megan says:
That is SUCH a hard balance. You will find it, though, I’m sure. In the meantime, be gentle on yourself. There are so many daughters out there who only wish their father’s biggest fault was spending *too much* time with them. You’re a wonderful father.
Nancy Smego says:
Mike, you will find it. I heard stories from my Dad that I was the same way. Always says “Daddy do again” (per my mother’s recollection). My Daddy died when I was 13 and he happened to die on a day that I was mad at him (I was a thirteen year old brat and his death was sudden and unexpected). I will never forgive myself for that! My dad used to spend hours and hours and hours with me and that’s what happened the last time I saw him alive. However, now that I am 52, I know that my Dad ADORED me. And I know that he didn’t always have time to sit for hours and hours and hours. And if he had, I might have felt even MORE entitled at 13.
So, my message here is that she will grow up knowing how loved she is by both of you and knowing the balance that everyone needs to strike in their life. Hope this makes sense. Happy new year to all the Spohrs!
Nancy Smego says:
PS, you’re actually doing her a favor by drawing the line. I know that’s hard to believe. And she’s so adorable. You guys are awesome parents!
Rachel says:
This broke my heart. You are such a good daddy to both girls…I love how much interest you take in being their father. xoxo
Jennyroo says:
If you’re in the mood to laugh, you should check out the blog Tiny Art Director. An illustrator shares his daughter’s requests for drawings and then criticisms of them. Verrrrry funny. Start with the oldest posts and work backwards. http://tinyartdirector.blogspot.com/ And even the best parents still need a little ‘down time’ away from the brood. Perfectly normal!
TamaraL says:
You’re a great dad…and far more involved than a lot of parents I know. You’ll find a balance, somehow.
Kim says:
Yes, the counting down idea is good. It doesn’t work for ALL kids but it works for many. And if she doesn’t get it at first, keep at it.
Spending time with the kids doing “kid” things is not my favourite thing to do and I feel an tremendous amount of guilt over it. I have never-ending to-do list I need to tackle as all parents do. It’s a struggle.
You’re a great dad Mike!
tauni says:
Solution: Have another sibling for Annie! That way she can be the artist for your next Toddler stage! Doesn’t really solve this one of finding balance but it does make it that interweb peeps can get to see more dang cute prodigy of the Spohr family! I mean you have some of the cutest girls!
Honestly, I think you are just starting the balance act and it never ends. My 6 year old would have me sit and watch her draw and color amazing pictures on the tablet all day long. My 9 year old at the same time would be happy to have me watch her dance non-stop. There does come a point in which I do have to sleep, work, make meals and clean house though
Glenda says:
You will find a balance, but I agree with most… setting a time frame. Or saying… we are done for now but will play / draw some more later.
Happy New Year filled with much love, health and happiness for you, Heather and Annie!