In less than thirty hours this year will finish and a new one will begin. Leaving 2009 behind, however, is not as easy for me as you may think. Yes, I will be turning the page on the worst year of my life. But in doing so I will also be saying goodbye to the good this year held.
2009 was the last year Maddie was alive on this earth. As awful as 2009 was, it contained Maddie’s sweet head on my shoulder and soft kisses on her cheek. It included glimpses of the little girl she was to become when she said her first words and starting eating table food. No matter what positive things the new year may hold, it won’t hold any of them with Maddie.
2009 also included the final moments of my life when I can say I was truly carefree. For some of 2009 I only knew, like most people, what it was like to look into the abyss and wonder with dread. For the entirety of 2010 and beyond, however, I will be forever trying to climb my way out.
There’s nothing I can do to change any of that though, so I will look to 2010. Hopefully it will be a good year, but there are no guarantees, not even for those who have gone through a year like we have. Sometimes, as Bob Dylan sang, “When you think you’ve lost everything, you find out you can lose a little more.’” I hope that’s not the case for us, but it would be foolish not to acknowledge the possibility. That’s why when the clock strikes midnight tomorrow I will not make grandiose plans or unrealistic resolutions. Instead, I will take 2010 for what it is as it unfolds, and never take for granted the good things that come.
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
I wish you the best, Mike. Always.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..resolve =-.
Mike, may the new year bring you much love, joy, health and happiness. You and Heather deserve it!! Take one day and enjoy every minute of every day with Heather and Binky. Maddie will always hold her spot in your heart.
That is the perfect quote from a favorite musician of mine. a very honest post. As the year changes, Maddie and your family will be in my heart as always.
May 2010 bring you joy and happiness with Heather, Binky and Rigby. Know that you all are loved and thought of often. Maddie will hold a place in all of our hearts, not just in 2009 but forever.
.-= Karen Chatters´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
I hope that 2010 will being you and Heather wonderful things, I hope that it beings great new memories and holds on to all of the wonderful memoreis you had with Maddie.
.-= MBKimmy´s last blog ..Christmas … Came and went … =-.
May 2010 bring you, Heather and Binky happiness and good health. And we will always love, and never forget, Maddie.
Mike,
This was incredibly well said.
I hope 2010 holds the very best for you and your family. And that the bright moments — of all the years — remain bright.
peace,
rpm
.-= red pen mama´s last blog ..Christmas Bullets =-.
Beautiful post, Mike.
I hope that 2010 holds many wonderful things for you, Heather and Binky. I hold all of you in my heart and think constantly of sweet Maddie. My wish as the new year rings in will be for happiness, love, support and good health for all of you.
Love and hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Pregnant Over the Holidays =-.
Wow, what a profound post. I truly wish you and your family the best in 2010. May it only bring health and happiness for you all. Hugs!
I hope Dylan is wrong, wrong, wrong. I hope for you so much happiness in 2010. xo
.-= amanda´s last blog ..a decade in very short review. =-.
Here’s hoping that 2010 will be a good year for you and your family, as you welcome your new little girl to the world. Someone told me that after you pass the one year mark, things get just a little easier (although it may be an immeasurable change) because you’ve been through all the firsts.
That’s beautiful, Mike. I wish you and Heather only good things for 2010 and always. Love to you both. Happy New Year.
There is going to be so much light in this new year for you and Heather. Just hold on. It’s coming.
.-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..Real Short. Like A Post-It Note. =-.
You are all in my thoughts, always.
I’m just going to second Ms. Moon.
Hugs to you, the mrs., and sweet Binky.
.-= Alicia @ bethsix´s last blog ..Gangsta Ants =-.
I can’t think of anyone in the world who deserves a more wonderful 2010 than you, Heather, and Binky.
Wishing your family all the best.
Love, Brittany
I think about you and Heather every single day, Mike. I am praying that this coming year will be a good year for you and that you will be able to find peace as it comes.
(((hugs)))
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..New Drawing =-.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful year. Maddie will be in our hearts. I hope there is joy, so much joy, and that the daylight gets closer, and the abyss farther.
*hugs*
Wishing nothing but good things for your family this coming year. Maddie will always be in the hearts of a great many people, in every year that is to come.
mike i know how you feel 2008 & 2009 have been years of highlight & lowlight for my family too – including the death of one of our children. i hope the years ahead do not repeat this kind of sadness for any of us but ou hearts can’t help but be on the lookout for it.
Maddie’s little light is always gonna shine, shine, shine. As you, Heather, Binky and Rigby move on into 2010 she is always going to be there. Her legacy will live on forever, as will ALL of our love for her. I wish your family the most love and peace and joy for the new year. Happy New Year!!
I hope and pray there is nothing but joy coming for 2010. I know it won’t balance the tragedy from 2009… but I hope it tries.
I for one am hoping that 2010 brings more joy for you and your family than anyone. Your family never stops amazing my at how wonderful you all are.
Happy New Year!
I wish you nothing but the best for 2010. I really really do. I think of you guys all the time and I am really looking forward to “meeting” Binky when she arrives. I just had my second baby girl three months ago and I am surprised at how quickly she dug her way into my heart. I know that Binky will do the same to you. Your love for Maddie will NEVER fade, but you’d be surprised at how much your heart can expand, to keep loving.
You are right about not taking the good times for granted. I think that is very wise advice.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Our Christmas House =-.
Here’s to a new year full of love and amazement!
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Happy whatever the hell you’re celebrating at this time!!! =-.
Thinking of you and your family and sending love and good thoughts your way. Wishing you a peaceful transition to the new year.
I will hold you close. Always.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..What Tender Days We Had No Secrets Hid Away, Now It Seems About 100 Years Ago =-.
Mike,
You and Heather are always in my thoughts and prayers. Here’s to a wonderful 2010 as you start your life with Binky.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..keeping it clean =-.
You’re in my heart. You and Heather both. I am certain 2010 will be better. It has to be better.
Love to you both! xoxox
S
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..Class of ‘99 =-.
So very, very well said.
May 2010 be good to you all.
Happy New Year Mike. Wishing you all the best in 2010!! XOXO
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Blogger Football League – Week 16 =-.
Beautifully, painfully honest and true. I hope that this year treats your family well, and send my best wishes to you all.