It is hard to die
The TV speaks of a man who fell from the sixth floor
The paper proclaims a man was shot eight times
They are alive
It is hard to die
It is hard to live
A slip in the snow can lead to death
A baby can breathe her final breath
They are dead
It is hard to live
It is hard to die (if you want to)
It is hard to live (if you want to)
{ 68 comments… read them below or add one }
I can’t seem to read yours or Heather’s blog without crying. Sometimes the tears are mixed with laughter because Maddie was just so adorable. My heart breaks for you both. Hang in there.
alexs last blog post..
Hello Mike! I am glad to see that you are writing. You and Heather have been in our thoughts all week! Sometimes there are no words…..only love.
…and unbelievably unjust.
I’ve been following Heather’s blog for some time and can’t help but be drawn to Maddie’s story. I wanted to share with you that today while I watched that sweet tribute video I wept and suddenly I could feel, for the first time, the baby growing inside of me move. It moved and moved and moved and I was reminded of life. This life cycyle makes no sense to me and I am so sad that you have lost your Maddie.
damariss last blog post..Antipasto
I am thinking of you and Heather.
It is not fair. It doesn’t make sense. She should be here.
My heart breaks for you, and I wish beyond anything there was something I could do. Thank you for writing and continuuing to share Maddie and yourselves with us. That takes courage and bravery.
always with you.
So powerful. So true. Thinking of you.
Steph
I have no words of wisdom. There are no such words. All I can say is I’m thinking of you, Heather and Maddie.
Words cannot express the sorrow for the loss of your baby girl. Your family will be in my prayers.
Mike, I have been reading you and your wifes blog for a few months now. Maddie is a beautiful girl and will be missed by many. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers everynight.
Sheryl
http://makaylabower.blogspot.com/
There are no “RIGHT” words that I can say.
Just know that you are constantly in my thoughts. I’m sending lots of love your way!
Amazing Greiss last blog post..Today an ANGEL was laid to rest…
Maddie hasnt been far from so many hearts in the past week…I dont know that she’ll ever be far from mine. I hope you know how many lives she is touching, how many mothers are hugging tighter becuase of you and your sweet girl. We will all continue to pray for your family.
You have our never ending support.
iMommys last blog post..Madeline Alice Spohr: These Words Are Not Enough
I’m thinking of you and Heather constantly right now. And Maddie is never off my mind these days. Hugs from the East Coast.
Anna Maries last blog post..For Maddie
Nothing I can say…your words are powerful and heart felt. I am so sorry for your loss. Your story is so touching. I can’t imagine the pain you both are feeling. You are in my thoughts..my you find the strength to face the days ahead.
Peace and Love
MLC’s Moms last blog post..I’m a survivor!
And love from the East, as well.
Ms. Moons last blog post..Shopping Habits
It is scary when you look at it that way, but you’re right. I’ve seen sad, lonely elderly people in the hospital who pray for death but it never comes. I’ve seen people who struggle to live, people who opened up to me before surgery and tell me they were scared (who I did my best to reassure), only to hear that they passed away on the operating table. (I realize none of these experiences of mine come close to what you are going through right now but I think I get what you are saying).
Explanations? There are none. Unfortunately, we cannot see the “big picture” from where we are. The only consolation I can think of is knowing that WE just don’t know. This life makes us feel so powerless at times, but maybe everything actually makes sense in the “big picture” and maybe the part that hurts is not having access to it?
Rachels last blog post..Pictures I Promised
I have no words that can comfort you, but know that I have been praying for God to help you and Heather through this time in your lives.
ashleys last blog post..Things I Like
Wish I had words
Wish I didn’t need them
You guys are still very much in my thoughts and prayers.
It is nice to see you writing -
Wish I had words to take some of the pain away.
Jamies last blog post..I am so proud of all you Mo Fos
You’re so right. On both accounts.
Jamies last blog post..Get in Line!
My thoughts and prayers are with your family, As a mom of preemie , i have found so much in common with madeline and my own daughter. Madeline is such an inspiration as well as heather and yourself. We send our love, we will be wearing remember maddie pins at our walk in san diego. Love to all of you!
This poem captures the essence of the thought that keeps circulating through my brain since I learned of Maddie’s passing. “She fought so hard. How could this happen? Why did this have to happen? Not to her — this is not fair.” I am so angry at the universe on your behalf. I know I don’t have the right words to diminish your pain, but know that I am thinking of you and Heather and Maddie, and wondering…why.
Mike,
Letters into words, words into thoughts, thoughts into sentences, sentences into reality,
reality into feelings, feelings into grief, grief into loneliness even when the room is full.
Full rooms mean nothing when grief encapsulates us in the dark, to the point of
nothingness.
Let Maddie help you out of that space when the time is right. She will show you the room,
bright with light when the time is right. Grieve..until that open and raw wound starts to
scab over.
It is a step in the healing process. It is too easy, yet natural, to pick at that scab and
open that wound over and over again. Yet as God and nature has planned, those wounds do heal
and the scab promotes that process.
Slowly that scab disappears and you and others will see a scar, a scar that will stay with you
forever, one that has a story you will never forget. That scar is there for all of your life
and for all mankind to see. If they ask, then tell that story. It needs to be told and
retold. Our scars are what what tells our lives journeys, the pathways and roads that help
make up who and what we become. Those stories, those events that caused the original raw and
open wounds are major sources of what roads we take later.
Take care of yourself and Heather, and those wounds that are so new. Know that one day the
scar that remains will not have that intense and raw pain, but will forever be a story of
where you have been. Memories do not dull, but the pain does, I promise.
Thoughts, hugs and prayers,
Sue
And she will be.
Constantly thinking and praying for you. Today and the days to come.
SusieOs last blog post..The Heavens are Very Lucky, Indeed
I don’t have the right words. I can’t imagine your pain. But am sending love and prayers to you and Heather. I am so very, very sorry for your loss of Maddie. You definitely have an angel on your shoulder.
Danielle – ExtraordinaryMommys last blog post..Channeling the Wicked Step Mother
Hi, Mike,
Nothing is right about this situation; Maddie’s death turns the whole world on its head. It’s against the order of nature, it’s against the beat of our hearts. Every parent, given the choice, would trade places with their dying child. I know my kids could survive without me, but I don’t know that I could survive without them, and by grace I will never have to test it. It is so wrong that you have to know the pain you do now, and you and Heather are remarkable, no doubt drawing on a resevoir of strength that you learned about from Maddie. As much as you think you can’t go on, imagine how much it will mean to Maddie to know that you did, to know that you continued to write, continued to be there for Heather, and continued to let the world get to know your sweet baby. I get that Maddie physically stopped being here, but she will never be gone.
She is beloved by so many, Mike. It must sound silly, but it is such a comfort to hear your “voice.”
Marias last blog post..Girl Talk Thursday – Sex Shenanigans
beautiful words… such truth. Sending much love and peaceful energy your way. thank you for posting.
I hear what you are saying, wish I had words to make it better…
Here is a quote I found, thought it was fitting:
The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool;
the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions,
affecting many, many people.
–De Frain, 1991
I have no idea what to say in response to your beautiful post except to echo Maria that it is a comfort to hear from you. Thinking of you guys and only a couple of miles away!
Stefanies last blog post..I Believe
I wish there were words I could write which could lessen your and Heather’s pain. All I can offer is to let you know that we are all thinking of and praying for you both. We will keep sending these thoughts and prayers out for you and hoping that they help, even just the smallest bit.
I know that NO ONE loved her like you and Heather did and do. We all miss her too. I’m so sorry. I am thinking about you constantly. I wish I could give her back to you and to us. So very, very sorry.
HeatherPrides last blog post..Every Blogger’s Dream
Yes, an absolute comfort. You are incredible, as you have always been. *hug*
Your family and your beautiful daughter are in my prayers.
Oh, Mike. I just don’t know what to say, still. I’m sorry sorry.
Mr Ladys last blog post..You Know How On Lost, The Story Rambles On And On And You Just Want It To Be Over But You Keep Watching Because Stranded People Are Fascinating? Yep, Proceed…
Continuing to think of you and Heather (and Miss Maddie, of course) every single day. I hope so much that the love from all over the world is helping to lift you both up, and carry you during this time. The light that was, and continues to be, Maddie, will brighten this world for decades and decades to come, through the thousands of people who have been affected by her story. I truly believe this – and I am, by nature, a fairly cynical person. But not about this. This is, of course, the tiniest of band-aids on the giant hurt that you and Heather are both feeling – and my heart continues to be with both of you. Take care of each other.
amandas last blog post..if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands
So true…and so sad. (((Hugs))) to you and Heather.
Jen Ws last blog post..Chaps=sick
There isn’t 5 minutes that goes by that I don’t think of your Maddie. I hadn’t read yours or your wife’s blog until April 9th…..and yet your sweet angel has changed my heart. I look at my daughter and my husband somehow differently. Every time the wind blows or a bird sings or my daughter laughs I say a silent prayer for your beautiful daughter and for you and your amazing wife. My family is holding you very close to our hearts.
Your love for Maddie is so apparent and genuine. She really chose the best daddy on earth. I believe that with all my heart and soul.
Not a moment passes that I don’t think of you, Heather and Sweet Maddie.
I hope you know that we love you out here and are delighted to see your updates.
Hugs and comfort……
I am one more stranger sending my condolences and support to you and your wife. I also pray for the grandparents, they lost a grandchild, and are watching their adult children grieve. Oh, the pain! Be good to yourself and share, share, share.
I got nothin’ …. only support.
Dawns last blog post..Small Maddie Bracelet 57
Words that are so sad and yet so true.
I hope you can find some comfort in knowing just how many people are out here supporting you and Heather.
Lisas last blog post..5 Things I Did to Transform My Picky-eater
You don’t know who I am – but I think about you, Heather and Maddie every single day. I cannot imagine your sorrow. You guys are loved by many.
Just as my five year old does, I want to scream “It’s not FAIR!” and pound my fists and stomp my feet. And then punch the fucking wall and kick someone’s ass. And maybe, if there is a God and someday I get up to heaven, I’ll ask for permission to kick a little Holy Ass and I don’t see how I could be denied when I show Him a photo of Maddie I’ll have in my pocket.
You know I’ve been on jury duty for the past 6 weeks and we just turned in our final verdict last night. Three VERY YOUNG teenagers were on trial for murder. Someone died – and that’s awful, whether he was a good person or a bad person, but looking at those three young kids sitting there in front of me, day after day, I just want to say to them: STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE!
I look at people wasting their lives away and I wish, if it was worth so little to them, that they could give it away. Just sign your donor card, loser, and give it to someone else who is fighting to LIVE. If only it were that simple.
My heart is there with you and Heather every moment of the day.
My heart aches for you, Heather and your families. I am yet another person that you do not know but Maddie has had a profound effect on me. Please know that a day has not gone by that I have not thought about (and cried for) your little Madeline.
Summers last blog post..Chocolate and Pebbles
Sending you nothing but love. *hugs*
You’re an amazing, amazing person Mike.
OK, I’m back to say I’m sorry for my rant. I forgot to take my anti-bitter-bitch pill this morning. I’m much better now.
Much love to you both!
I know. I think about it all the time. Someone is shot eight times and survives. Someone else catches a stray bullet through the elbow and somehow dies. We are inexplicably, simultaneously tough as nails and fragile as egg shells. I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense. And it is far, far from fair.
I love this post. It is so true in so many ways.
Midwest Mommys last blog post..A Picture Story: The Doll
I am one of those that didn’t know anything about your family or blogs until after Maddie’s passing. I have wept many tears for your loss. I have a one year old daughter and I see so many similiarities to Maddie…my heart breaks thinking of what you and your wife are going through.
Losing your daughter is incredibly unjust. She deserves to live. She had so much to offer this world. Your poem reminds me of something my sister told me years ago…I still remember it often. My sister is a paramedic and has seen some incredible things on the job. Druggies who overdose time after time and should not still be here to fluke accidents that cost another their life. Her thinking was that you could only leave this world when the time was right for you. That just doesn’t seem right for a baby. But maybe Maddie was needed elsewhere. I can’t help but think that there must be some reason for this tragedy that I don’t understand. Maddie’s life had a purpose…she touched so many in the short time she was here. I honestly believe that her work and purpose isn’t finished…she will continue to touch lives and make an impact for years and years to come.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I’m so sorry for your incredible loss.
Thinking of you and Heather and Maddie.
Jennifers last blog post..Dr. Hoppy’s Dinner?
I have looked for the patterns in loss, and have not found them comforting. There are no words, there is no logic, and I’m so sorry that you are facing it. Love to your family.
Lindsays last blog post..“Rattled” hits shelves today…
It must be an unimaginable pain…praying for you and your wife as you continue your life without your precious girl. May the wonderful memories of her that are so painful now offer joy and comfort sometime soon.
This is too heartbreaking to comprehend what you & your wife are going thru. You will make us all better parents by reading about your beloved maddie.
trinitys last blog post..Be Thankful
(((HUGS)))
The love you have for your daughter is so profound. I just watched the video of the three of you and am so saddened by your loss. I am so very, very sorry for your loss and what you must be going through. I wish words could help.
Take things one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
Words fail me. I think of you and Heather and your precious Maddie often though.
Sarahs last blog post..Thursday Ten – Up To Tempo Edition
Thinking of you guys a lot these days. Just one of the many strangers who are aching for you both.
Raging Dads last blog post..WW: Why the space bar is important
I am blown away by the unfairness of your loss. Losing a child is heartbreaking stuff (I can empathise as I lost one of my twin boys last year) but you spoke the truth in your earlier post when you said you will always be Maddie’s Daddy, she will always be your daughter and you will always love her and have shared great love. My heart goes out to you and Heather and your friends and family.
Just in case you’re wondering who this stranger is – I have been reading Heather’s blog for a long time and with your daughter born around the same time as my twins I have watched her grow – from far away in New Zealand.
wow. it’s so true.
so beautifully, powerfully written.
thinking of you and your family.
Haley-Os last blog post..The “Igor”
so sorry. Thinking of you and your amazing family!
Prayers and support,
crustymom and family
CRUSTYBEEFMOMs last blog post..When It’s Time To Fix The Pipes
You and Heather were my last through last night on going to bed and my first thought this morning. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Bonnies last blog post..Sadness
Oh my goodness, I’ve been on hiatus, but just saw a post from Her Bad Mother and came over here. I’m in shock. And so terribly sad. I’m so, so sorry. Many thoughts and prayers for you and Heather.
Loris last blog post..Hiatus
Mike, I want you to know that you and your family have been on my mind and in my heart. So many people are grieving with you, yet most of us can only imagine what you are really going through. Your sweet little Maddie has changed the world into a much better place, and I am sure she is with you right now. She will ALWAYS be there with you, and you will see her again in due time. Please don’t stop writing, Patty
I totally understand your desire to dream about Maddie -
My mother died when I was 18 – and I always wanted to dream about her – to feel close to her.
I wrote a blog entry about her once and I wrote
“This is about how I love when I have a dream about her and when I wake up I have a feeling of peace. Like my heart has been touched by her. I can remember her smell, her voice, and her laugh. For that brief moment right after I wake up I don’t miss her because I feel like she is right there with me.”
You will dream about her and I hope your heart feels touched too -
Jamies last blog post..I am so proud of all you Mo Fos
My dad died when I was 14. I am now 41. About once a year or so, he shows up in a dream, and it’s always nice to be visiting with him in the dream. It’s peaceful and nice. I wish that for you.
I came across your blog and read about the loss of you beautiful daughter, Maddie! I’m so sorry..my heart goes out to you and your wife. I know how you feel I lost my daughter Heather in May 2006. Reading this blog about dreams, I too want to dream about Heather and I rarely remember them. One dream right after her death was so vivid, she was standing in the backyard and I looked up and she said, “Mom don’t forget how they found ME?” She said it twice and then held up a pink piece of paper. She said, ” Look at this MOM!” then I said ok and as I turned she was gone:( That dream was so real. Anyway not sure why I shared that with you but to say that in our dreams our beloved daughter’s can come to us.. and they are still with us in spirit, always and forever!
My prayers are with you both
Take care and Hugs
Teresa
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