I have been a Super Cuts kind of guy my whole life. Recently though my allegiance to their lackluster cuts has been tried by a group of new hair cutting places that have opened around town catering to male clientele. These joints hire a bunch of sexy girls in skimpy outfits who bring you a beer or soda before cutting your hair in front of big screen TV playing sports. After avoiding these joints in favor of my tried and true Super Cuts for some time curiosity finally got the best of me and I went to one. It ended up being THE WORST HAIRCUT OF MY LIFE!!!!
The place’s gimmick is that it looks like an old school barber shop (except for the scantily clad girls and beer, of course). Upon entering I immediately saw three great looking women waiting to give cuts, and I thought to myself, “Hey! This really isn’t so bad!” As I checked in at the counter, however, a shifty, muscular and mustachioed biker dude scampered over squeezing in front of a pretty woman who had risen to cut my hair.
“So what do you think?” He said to the hostess. “Can I take this one? Can I? Puh-lease?”
Now I’m now no Spider Man, but right then my Spidey Senses were blaring at full blast.
The hostess seemed reticent to let him cut my hair, but finally relented. He practically whooped and extended his hand.
“I’m Timmy! Great to meet you, sport!”
I nodded politely as I followed Timmy to a chair. On the way I stole a look over my shoulder at the pretty haircut women who looked on, concerned.
“So how would you like your cut, man?”
“Well, I usually have the number four on the top then even it out on the sides with the scissors.” (NOTE: This may sound like gobbledygook to you, but I gave these exact instructions at my last twenty haircuts and always left happy.)
Timmy seemed confused. I tried to elaborate.
“You know, sort of like a flat top, but not so intense.”
Timmy placed a meaty paw on my shoulder while looking back at the pretty hair cut woman.
“Here’s the thing, pal,” he whispered. “I don’t really know what you’re talking about. I’m an old school barber. All I’ve ever used are scissors and scissors and a little more scissors for good measure.”
Timmy laughed real hard. I shifted, uncomfortable.
“Maybe I should get one of the girls out front to cut my hair then.”
Timmy literally started to sweat. He leaned close to my ear and spoke into it with grossly hot breath.
“Today is my first day. I only got this job because I convinced the boss he couldn’t have a place with the word “barber” in the title and not employ a real barber. So they hired me. But if I admit I can’t do a cut – on my first freaking cut – I’m done for. Finished. You dig?”
I wanted to sink into a hole.
“You will love your scissor cut. I promise.”
I was silent.
“I may not have the ta-tas the other chicks do, but I guarantee you we’ll have a better conversation. What do you think of Harleys?”
“The Guy from “Lost?”
“No! Harley Davidsons!”
Right about then I started fantasizing about being stuck in rush hour traffic on the 405.
“What do you say?” Timmy persisted. “Will you stick with me?”
In yet another example of my being too nice, I agreed. The nightmare only continued from there. The guy was chatty…I mean CHATTY..about nothing but Harley Davidsons. After about forty-five minutes of meticulous scissor cutting I put on my glasses to see that the cut…was NOWHERE near what I wanted as it was way too long on top.
“What do you think, pal? I nailed it, right?”
I nodded morosely. I just wanted out of there.
As I paid at the counter all of the women looked at me with great pity. So much so they gave me a ten percent off coupon for my next visit. My next visit. Riiiiight.
One weird post script though….while the cut looked weird initially, it actually has morphed into a decent cut after a week or so. So maybe Timmy ain’t so bad after all. (I say this while praying never to meet him EVER again).
PER POPULAR DEMAND HERE IS A PHOTO OF “THE TIMMY”
As I said it didn’t end up looking too bad, but it is not what I wanted…especially for 30 bucks! Note the unruly hair in front and fluffiness on top. To get the close crop I like I will need another cut in, oh, seventy-two hours or so. Sweet.
You can put a post about hair & not have before and AFTER pics. We want to see ‘The Timmy’!
Whoops meant ‘can’t put a post’. On another note, Jennifer Aniston was rockin’ ‘The Rachel’. Maybe you can start the new trend with ‘The Timmy’! Just sayin….
You can’t write a post like this and leave us in suspense with no photo?!? That’s just….that’s just cruel, that is! *LOL*
It sucks that he didn’t get what you asked for, but “the Timmy” looks good! The unruly bit makes the whole thing seem more posh and styled.
Am I the only one who thinks it looks pretty good?
Thats not so bad! I use to have gorgeous long hair and one day when I went to get a trim the lady convinced me to cut it all off…When I got home, my mom opened the door and started crying. The lady had given me a Mullet. A FULL ON Mullet. It took me a good year (and a bunch of hats) to grow it out. Never again!
Poor you! My husband always ended up with the chatty crack ho at those places. He is a hair saloon man now. I do not think they lat anyone with a hoo hoo in that place. You order by number and that is it.
Bill won’t go anywhere near Super Cuts here. It’s close to the university and he hates to look like Justin Beiber after a fresh cut.
Thankfully one of my daycare kids has a parent that is a fantastic hair stylist. She comes to our house and one day per month barters hair cuts for childcare. It works out to our mutual benefit.
Look at you rockin’ “The Timmy”! (said in the Timmy voice from South Park). Annie seems to dig it! Looks good dada!
Wait a second…you’re using an adorable baby to distract from the Timmy. No fair.
That’s what I was thinking too. I think Mike should go back and take a picture of his cut *with* Timmy.
It doesn’t look so bad! You know, if it is just a #4 on top and scissors on the sides, Heather could totally do it. I started cutting my husband’s hair a few years ago and he loves it. It’s 20 bucks we don’t have to spend, which is nice, but he likes that it doesn’t take an hour out of his Saturday morning every month. No sitting in the waiting room, no small talk. I just pull out the clippers and in 10 minutes he’s done. Ok, it’s kind of nerdy to have your wife cut your hair, but isn’t frugality chic these days? Seriously, try it. Can she do any worse than Timmy?
I’ve been cutting my hubby’s hair for a few years, too and he loves it. Super easy, and a fun 10 minutes of just us time.
Sarah R says:
My hubby buzzes his own hair. He has for the past 13 years!
Good use of Annie’s cuteness to distract from the haircut!!
My husband went into a Great Clips one time to get his haircut in an effort to save money. He’s hair “style” is similar to yours. The lady cutting his hair had no idea what he meant by blend it together or taper. He looked truly ridiculous for weeks. Timmy did a way better job on your hair!
Funny! My roommate goes to Super Cuts, and chuckles at his friends who go to the fancy men’s only places, because all they do is complain about their crappy haircuts, while he’s perfectly happy with his.
Agree: it looks good, Mike! But I can definitely understand walking out of a salon/barbershop with a look that is not what I wanted — or believed I was paying for. Not a good feeling. I’ve been going to see the same woman, a friend of my mom’s, for more than 15 years! She’s the only one I trust.
Dee Dee says:
LMAO! Oh Timmy!
It’s not THAT bad, I mean it could of been worse, he could of left you with a bald spot or something
Oh my God – I love how you call it “The Timmy.” But it really doesn’t look bad!
Wow, what a sucky situation to be in. You need to call the manager and complain. You’d probably get your next hair cut for free. Or, when it grows out a little, one of the girls could try to fix it for you a bit.
He shouldn’t be working there, it defeats the whole purpose of the place!
Diane B. says:
My hubby went to one of those sport barber places and also was unhappy and has settled on going back to Super Cuts. They never have the same people so it’s hit and miss–some cuts are great and others are just wretched. The Timmy isn’t so bad, but not getting what you want is highly frustrating. Good use of the distracting super cute baby to divert attention.
One time I went to an iffy place but I just needed my bangs trimmed and thought they couldn’t screw up my bangs as much as I do when I end up cutting them. I knew right from the start that I made a huge mistake when I got a really timed guy who kept on dropping his scissors.
He kept on cutting and cutting and I thought oh crap. Not only that, he started to cut all of my hair and I reminded him that I just wanted my bangs trimmed. When he finally got done it took all I had not to cry right there. My hair was so hacked up.
Oopsie, I meant timid.
I have a great guy here who does my entire family’s hair and the hair of a lot of families in town. He has his own shop. Is totally reasonable and NOT A FREAK. Email me if you want his info.
The difference between a good cut and a bad cut is about two weeks. Looks nice.
Sarah R says:
That’s really not bad! The guy was scarier than the cut, for sure. LOL.
I am a loyal Regis goer. I can get my favorite girl every time and it’s only $25. Not too bad.
Amanda M. says:
I’m kind of leaning towards a “That’s what you get for picking a place for the beer and boobs.” Ha
Mike, you’re too nice!!
I’m going to be honest, at first after reading the title I was happy to see it was you who posted this and not Heather. There is just nothing fair about a bad haircut for a woman. Guys can shave their head and still look good, but sometimes there is NOTHING you can do to cover it up as a woman!
It really doesn’t look bad though! If you really hate it, just carry Annie every wear you go and I swear no one will be paying attention to anything but that cute baby!
I hope for the $30 you got the hot towel facial and back massage that those shops offer….or maybe not, Timmy doesn’t sound like a back rub kind of guy…
My husband gets that coupon every time he goes…they must feel sorry for his lack of hair on top…
jessica b says:
we have a place here in pittsburgh that just opened a bunch of franchise shops. it’s called Sports Cuts. they ONLY cut hair for guys. from the outside it reminds me of FootLocker (shoe store). it’s weird and i wont let my son go there. you can’t even see anything from teh waiting room. it’s closed off to the back where they cut the hair! we’ll stick to Great Clips. $13.00 for a regular guy cut and it’s always what we want.
I’ve now learned, from your mistake, that I have been correct in sticking with the same people forever. thanks!!
My 17 year old just took himself for a haircut for the first time. Picked the shop, paid for it himself. He is easy-baseball season means a 3 all over. The woman butchered his hair in ways I cannot describe. Uneven sides, the back looks like she hacked it with a dull butter knife. He said she was arguing with someone on the phone before she started and he thought about leaving too… Lesson learned boys, lesson learned
Ohmygoodness! This is too funny. =P Oh to be too nice. It sucks doesn’t it…? I love how in the photo you’re hiding behind Annie. Lucky for you that you’re a guy, and you don’t have to wait so long to fix a bad cut!
Really not so bad. But I am sorry you didn’t have a good experience, although *I* certainly did reading this!
This definitely has to be one of the funniest things I’ve read from you Mike, ever. I was just dying!
I think having a cute child in front of your face isn’t fair. That’s like deflecting the so-called bad haircut with a, “Hey, look at my cute daughter!” Okay, it worked.
From what I can see, The Timmy doesn’t look bad at all. But the story had me giggling the entire time.
hahahaha the timmy!!! I imagined he left it like a little fro on the top, but it doesn’t look too bad at this particular point
Ha ha ha ha… great story, you certainly the skilled writer… sucked me right in! Kind of a wtf moment when he butts in line, right? Then he plays the sympathy card. Classic! I kept thinking maybe they hired Timmy for their gay patrons. Can’t imagine him working out full time there long.