You know what’s awesome about having a two year old? Their Christmas wish list is a piece of cake. “Can Santa bring me a can of Play-Doh?” Annie asked me yesterday. “Pwease?” Since a can of Play-Doh costs around a buck fifty I told her he could, and Annie was thrilled. Unfortunately, it won’t always be this easy. I’m well aware that as kids grow older their wish list gets more expensive and far less practical (exhibit A: “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!”). As much as I have no desire to blow the bank on future Christmases, it’s the prospect of Annie asking for impractical gifts that scares me the most because, when I was a kid, I was the king of impractical gifts.
Annie opening a gift last year
When I was around eight or nine I somehow got it in my mind that it would be totally tubular (yes, that’s how I talked in the Eighties) if Santa brought me a junk car to put in our backyard. There was a junk yard full of hundreds of rusting, broken down cars on the way to our local airport, and the sight had made an impression on me.
“Why exactly do you want this?” my befuddled parents asked.
Only because I could pretend to drive it at top speeds, make the interior my super secret hangout, and be the only nine year old at school who could brag about having his very own car (never mind that it no longer ran and never would again).
Sadly, Santa never brought me an awesome 1974 Impala (or similar model) and I threw a pouting fit on Christmas morning. I should have known I was out of luck when, somewhere in mid December, I overheard my Mom tell my Dad,“No way! He’d need a tetanus shot every week if he played around in one of those things!”
My next Christmas dream was, if not as dangerous, a whole lot harder to acquire – a personalized letter from San Francisco Giants’ star first baseman Will Clark. I have no idea how I ever imagined Santa (or my parents) could ever get such a letter, but it was atop my Christmas list nonetheless. Amazingly, on Christmas morning, I ran into the family room to find under our tree… A PERSONALIZED LETTER FROM WILL “THE THRILL” HIMSELF!!!!!
I ripped it open and read the message over and over:
Merry Christmas, Mike.
Work hard in school and keep playing ball!
Your pal,
Will Clark
I was over the moon until it dawned on me that Will’s handwriting looked an awful lot like my Dad’s. Suddenly suspicious, I examined the envelope the letter came in. At first glance it looked to be copacetic, but upon closer examination I realized the “post mark” had been drawn on in ball point pen!
I confronted my Dad and he quickly admitted his dastardly scheme. The weird thing is, I was less annoyed by the fake letter than the fact he didn’t think ahead enough to drop it in the mail a few days earlier.
Looking back now that I’m a father myself, I can’t believe the position I put my parents in. Of course they couldn’t buy me a junk car. And a letter from Will Clark? How were they ever supposed to pull that off? Just thinking about the epically impractical gifts Annie is going to ask for makes me shiver. A unicorn for the backyard? Dinner and a movie with Justin Bieber? Ugh. I do not look forward that. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy watching my sweet two-year-old unwrap a can of Play-Doh and beam as if it were a a junk car with a personalized letter from Will Clark on the dashboard.
TonyaM says:
I’m rolling here over the fake letter! That is hilarious.
And the junk car? We had one! Actually, we had TWO. A VW bus and a fiat. And yes, that was every bit as awesome as you could have imagined. My dad had this brainy idea he was going to fix them up and resell them. Eventually Mom won out and he realized he had no mechanical skills at all, and the cars had to go, but in the mean time, we had the best times of our childhood playing inn those cars. I had forgotten all about that until I read your post. Thanks for the smile.
Mijke says:
Okay. Did anyone else think the most brilliant part of this post was the fact that your mom actually had to tell your dad ‘NO WAY’ about the junk car? Geez, Mike. You ALMOST got it! You had your dad on your side the minute you asked for it…
Karen says:
Want to know the trick? Dont get them EVERYTHING on the list. If they dont always get everything they want they then wont always expect the junk car, the signed letter from someone famous, the most expensive toy, etc.
Becki says:
This is absolutely the most accurate post. As long as some of their wishes are fulfilled they are content even if there is a momentary pout. Maybe you could take Annie to church/start doing charity stuff to begin widening her horizons?
Since our daughter attended church and sunday school it was easier because she understood as young as 5, that God gave us the biggest gift of all. And then we could also frame it that, sometimes Santa had to save his biggest efforts for other children not so fortunate. (Yes we did Santa but not inconsistent at all, lol. Santa is God’s HELPER after all and the original Santa was indeed a man of faith.)
The earlier you can instill charity the better and less greedy. We also filled a couple of boxes of small toys etc that we took WITH our daughter to the local children’s home. Of course we only could access the front desk but physically taking her there with toys also helped her think “outside her own box” and the gratitude and enthusiasm of the receptionist helped as well.
So when the greedy teenage years hit, and boy do they, you have a framework in the background you can refer to. It really does help reduce the grumbling because they KNOW they are being greedy, lol.
Lynnette says:
This is great advice!
Jodi says:
My 4 year old asked for a Halloween costume for Christmas. When I told her I’m not sure if Santa will be able to get said costume, she told me “This is between me and Santa and has nothing to do with you.” My 8 year old told my mother that she wants an ipad and not to tell me because I will tell Santa no. Christmas’ are fun around my home! (PS I actually found the costume).
Adria says:
My daughter (just turned 5) asked me for an iPad and a real cell phone. So yeah…the impracticality will come sooner than you’re ready for.
Angela says:
Don’t worry. When Annie is old enough to know who Justin Bieber is, she’ll think he’s too old for her.
shan says:
I loved this post. Mike, you are hilarious! Sadly..I’ve been fighting with myself about getting my children..all four all the big ticket items they ask for. If I can..why shouldn’t I? Who is to say that I shouldn’t do whatever it takes within reason to watch them light up on Christmas morning. Laptops, Kindle Fires, and electric guitars are all on the lists….and I only struggled with what everyone would think about me spending so much. My heart knew I would make my babies happy, regardless of the price tag.
Molly says:
Ha! Great post. My mom let the cat out of the bag about Santa when I asked her at 5, so she was definitely off the hook for crazy requests like that. My 5-year-old only really started getting interested in Santa (though my 2-year-old is “getting it” sooner) so I guess I’d better start planning a strategy!
Sonya says:
Well, you are smarter than me, Mike. It took me years to “notice” that the letters Santa left me after eating our cookies and milk and leaving gifts were in my Mom’s handwriting…and she’s a lefty who’s cursive slants WAY to the left.
Cute story…and I also cringe at the thought of what is to come.
Sonya says:
“Whose” not “who’s”…ugh.
karen says:
Who are you the Grammar Police??? It is a wonderful story. Thanks Mike.
Sonya says:
Hi Karen…please note that I was Grammar Policing my OWN original comment directly above it, not Mike’s wonderful story. I am an editor in real life and can’t stand when I make mistakes like that. I’m sure Mike understood me!
Julie says:
I think she was referring to her post above this one and she was correcting her own grammar.
Sonya says:
Hi Karen…please note that I was only Grammar Policing my OWN original comment directly above it, not Mike’s wonderful story. I am actually an editor in real life and hate making mistakes like that. I’m sure Mike understood I was only disparaging myself.
karen says:
smile
Kristin says:
I can see how a young boy would be thrilled with a junk car. Would be hours and hours of fun.
Hilarious that your dad tried to fake a letter, even more funny that you caught on!
Yes, enjoy the cheap(er) and more practical gifts now. As they get older it only gets more expensive. Seriously, tell me why a lego set is $118?
Diane B. says:
My 8 yr old is STILL asking for real fairy wings–since LAST Christmas. Didn’t happen last year and I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen again this year.
Meg says:
My boyfriend’s mom loves regaling us with stories of the crazy, impractical things my guy wanted as a kid! On one of his Christmas wishlists: post-hole diggers. Like, to dig holes in the ground . . . so he could tear up the backyard.
Yeah. I don’t know, either.
I hope Annie loves her Play-Doh! Sometimes the simple gifts are really the best. (Like how much kids enjoy playing with the box/wrapping paper on Christmas morning . . . and forget there’s actually a gift within all that awesomeness.)
TamaraL says:
Oh buddy…enjoy the Play-do days while they last! I always wanted a REAL WORKING cash register for Christmas. (For some odd reason my uncle had one at his house at some point – working on it perhaps? – and I fell in love.) Never, ever got one. I also wanted my own clubhouse, with electricity and running water. Never got that either.
Susan says:
Here’s hoping you still get that letter from Will. He was my favorite Texas Ranger in the mid 90’s.
Amy says:
My son was about Annie’s age and asked for a candy cane for Christmas. I was so touched I bought him a box of them
Lissa says:
I spent YEARS asking for a baby horse for Christmas. Now, mind you, we lived on a farm, we had horses, this was not exactly a COMPLETELY crazy request!
Finally one year my mom hinted that I would be getting my wish. I was so excited! Until…..I got a ceramic statue in my stocking. And that. was. it.
I was NOT amused.
My advice? If something is impractical and/or Never Gonna Happen….don’t play with your kid’s emotions and let them think they’ll get it. Not cool.
Anita says:
My five-year-old nephew has asked me twice if I will buy him a certain toothpaste for Christmas. It is wrapped and under the tree.