“I would give anything if I could have just one more minute…”
The above is something the bereaved often say. Personally, I have always found it to be a silly statement…after all, what good is a minute? Three of them pass in a commercial break, sixty in an hour, nearly fifteen hundred in a day. A minute is so fleeting, in fact, that forty-two million of them expire before a person reaches their eightieth birthday. Clearly, a minute is nothing special.
“I would give anything if I could have just one more minute…”
What a silly thing to say.
At least that’s what I used to think. Today I realize that, as quickly as a minute may pass, it can be the most valuable thing in the world.
Lately I have begun to fantasize about what it would be like to have one more minute with Madeline. In my fantasy I imagine Heather and myself sitting on our couches as we do so much lately, absent-mindenly staring at our computer screens, when all of a sudden a few notes echo from Maddie’s long silent little red piano. I look up and see Maddie pressing the keys as she flashes that brilliant smile of hers at me. Heather and I look at each other in disbelief, then throw our computers aside, leap to our feet, and wrap Maddie up in our arms. As we cover her little face in kisses Maddie giggles and says “Wow” in her sweet little voice. Tears soon stream down our faces as Heather and I kiss our baby all over…on her tiny hands, her cute belly, her pudgy little legs…and run our hands through her curly hair. Finally, as the minute winds down to its final seconds, we tell her that we love her and kiss her one last time before she is gone once again.
As silly as it may sound, I would give anything…absolutely anything…to have that minute.
{ 97 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, Mike. I so wish I could give you that minute.
My heart aches for you guys. I wish there was just some way for you to have that minute.
.-= Sugar Jones´s last blog ..Keeping Up With The Joneses: Legoland =-.
Okay, now I’m really crying! The Gramma post got me sniffly, but this? The tears, they are streaming.
*hugs*
yes.
i know that minute, that second, that moment.
anything and everything, given away to have it.
just once.
(((((((hugs))))))))
And like the others, I wish I had the power to give you and Heather and Maddie that minute together.
.-= Angel (TheMommyTsunami)´s last blog ..I’m home, and I survived…although mosquitoes got the best of me =-.
Not silly at all. Completely understandable, and I would give just about anything if i could make this come true for you also. Not only do you deserve that one minute, you deserve a whole lifetime. Now, like you probably do every night, I’m going to go cry myself to sleep over your loss of beautiful sweet Maddie.
If the world was right we could give you more. Cherish it all. Life is unfair.
I would give everything I have. Trade it all to give you and Heather just one more magical moment with your beautiful Maddie.
Thank you for sharing your story and your Maddie with all of us.
I hope she visits in your dreams tonight & you find some rest in the night hours. <3
Oh my goodness. Reading this actually took the breath out of me. Words beyond that fail me, but there is so much in my heart for you and your family. (((Hugs))) and much care and concern to you.
Thank you for writing this.
How very true, and poignant. But living, and knowing, those moments – if only – in your head, have to have immense value too.
.-= SingleParentDad´s last blog ..Silent Escape =-.
You deserve that minute. The unfairness of the world astounds me. And the strength the people exhibit in the face of the unfairness is inspiring. I don’t know how you, Heather, and your families get through each day, but it really is awe inspiring. Hope you’re doing well, Mike (as well as can be), and glad to see an update from you.
.-= Joe @ Irrational Dad´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday v. Beauty Rest =-.
I too wish I could help you get that one minute!
.-= dysfunctional mom´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-Up, Late Edition =-.
Oh God -I am so incredibly sorry and wish so much you could have that minute. Oh, here come the tears. xoxoxo from CT, Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..birthday. missed. =-.
Reminds me of this song:
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn’t ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
First thing I’d do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I’d unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I’d hold you every second
Say a million I love you’s
That’s what I’d do, with one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
I want to give it to you and Heather so much … the minutes, the days, the LIFETIME that was stolen so unfairly from you. All I can write is that you made EVERY minute of Maddie’s life beautiful, and I wish I could do something to change April 7th. Thinking of you.
Mike, I hesitate to comment because I really have nothing to say. “I’m sorry” isn’t adequate. xoxo doesn’t cut it. And you already know that you guys cross my mind multiple times a day.
But I will say this: I’m still reading, still thinking of you, still praying for you guys, still wishing things were different.
.-= Bridget´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: My Girl Edition =-.
That sounds like an amazing 60 seconds.
.-= Candice´s last blog ..Leaving on a Jet Plane… =-.
A minute, relived, over and over and over, seems like an eternity. Your minute with Maddie would be the best time ever spent. I wish so much you could have it now.
I have never cried over a blog post and actually have thought people to be so silly for doing so.
This made me cry.
I am so sorry. I would give my right arm for you to have that minute.
I’m glad you posted. I’ve been worried about you.
This post had me in tears. I wish You had her back, it is so unfair and My heart just breaks for you and Heather.I keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
This is the first time I’ve read a post from your blog, suggested on Matt’s blog. When I began reading this, my first thought was, obviously, you haven’t lost, because, those who have, would take a second back, and then, I see, you have lost, and I am sorry. You do know the hurt, the wanting, and the giving anything to have just “one minute”, just “one second”. I am sorry for you and for your wife. I too have lost. I lost my husband six months ago. Life will never be the same. There will never be a minute that I can get back with him, although I would give everything I have to get that minute, and you know that. Hugs to you, Lorry
I was glad to see you have updated your blog. I think about you and Heather often and wonder how you are doing. Praying for peace for you and your family.
((((hugs))))
I too wish you could have one more minute, one more hour, one more day/week/month/year.
So very sorry – thinking of you and Heather.
.-= darcie´s last blog ..See No Evil ~ Hear No Evil ~ Speak No Evil =-.
This post reached in, grabbed hold of my heart and squeezed.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..A Thousand Words =-.
You deserve that minute. If anyone does, it’s you.
xox
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..The day I spewed my heirarchy of suffering* all over the internet =-.
I could hear the notes on the piano as I read… you write so very well. Like everyone else who has read and will read this post, I find myself crying for you and Heather. I so wish you didn’t have to endure this pain and complete heartbreak.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Baby Steps =-.
I know that you would cherish that minute, and savor it to the last. I wish you could have too.
No words can express how your post made me feel. Tears fell from my eyes. I would give anything for you and Heather to have just one more minute with sweet Maddie.
.-= Kara´s last blog ..10 Things that Turn You Off From People =-.
you deserve that minute, and a million more. it is so unfair.
.-= jenni´s last blog ..RTT: More Costume Changes than Madonna =-.
You deserve more than a minute – you deserve a lifetime. Life is very unfair – it is unfair that your sweet daughter was taken from you. It is unfair that you have to suffer. I’m so, so sorry.
.-= Randi´s last blog ..Free Days =-.
You and Heather deserve a million more minutes.
(((hugs))) to you forever!
.-= Amazing Greis´s last blog ..Summer Fun… =-.
If I had magical powers to give you both just one precious minute with Maddie, I would. Saying “I’m sorry” to you and Heather sounds so lame, but that is all I have at times. You don’t know me, but I include you and Heather in my prayers for comfort, peace, and happiness.
~Hugs from TX
Like so many others I wish I could give you and Heather that minute. And a lifetime more! This is all so unfair.
Always thinking of your family. Hugs.
xoxo
I wish you could have a lifetime of minutes. My heart breaks for you and your wife…. Thinking of all of you today.
Oh Mike…my heart is breaking for you and Heather. I would love to be able to give you more time.
Even though we never, ever get that minute for real, isn’t it nice to dream? It’s like thinking about what you would do if you ever won the lottery. For a minute, you feel really rich.
I think all the time about what I would do if my husband walked through the door just as he did for the five years we were married. I hear the jingle of his keys in the door, in my fantasy life. I hear the phone ring and it’s him on the other end “I’m on my way home.” I hear him singing Twinkle, Twinkle to my girls.
And I smile. And I am lighter. For a minute. Or 60 seconds.
Oh Mike. I am crying my face off.
I wish you have a million more seconds.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..identity =-.
You and Heather are owed that one minute more than anyone. Actually you are owed a lifetime.
.-= Shirley´s last blog ..One of Those Days =-.
Thanks for the post. I think of your family everyday.
i will never say “WOW” again without thinking of and echoing maddie and the incredible way she said it.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..sweet indulgences =-.
I can picture it now…I wish you could have it…I am so sorry, Mike. I think of you, Heather and Maddie so very often.
Very beautifully written. I so wish you guys could have that minute.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Decorating… =-.
If I were the “Man” in charge I would so anything in my power to give you that extra minute! I pray for you everyday … for your strenght, for your understanding and mostly for you to “feel” Maddie in your life always! I am so glad that Heather found those videos … I know it doen’t bring her back, but to add to the memories is wonderful!
Hugs and Kisses from Myrtle Beach!
.-= MBKimmy´s last blog ..Family Night Out =-.
I don’t think that is a silly thing to wish for. I would also give anything for the two of you to have that minute. *hug*
I wish there was something I could do. Besides be your friend and be here any time you need me. Any time, ever.
Love you.
.-= AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..3 Months =-.
Oh Mike, I wish someone had magical powers to give this to you guys. Breaks my heart.
I would give you that minute if I could. It sounded so much like the perfect sixty seconds. What you are asking for is so small and so big at the same time. I’m so sorry.
Oh Mike, I would give anything for you and Heather to have that minute. My heart breaks for you.
WOW, for once in my life I am left completely speechless. So beautiful! How I wish I could give you a lifetime of those 60 second moments.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..A Better Mommy =-.
Mike -
Beautiful.
I wish I could you that minute, plus the rest of your lifetime of minutes.
that was absolutely beautiful.
and then my heart shattered into a million pieces again for you, heather and maddie. I’m so, so sorry. I, like everyone else here and everyone else that loves you guys, wish I could get you that minute.
.-= Creepy Mommy´s last blog ..wordless wednesday =-.
Your writing never ceases to touch my heart deeply. I wish you could have that minute and a million more.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Fears: I haz em. =-.
I wish I could give you a lifetime supply of minutes.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..The Difference… =-.
I wish I had a power…some special power to beable to give you a million minutes!! My heart is dropping and aches for you two and I hope with my tears I can take ways from some of your tears…..
Im so so so sorry~
.-= Sabrina in Philly´s last blog ..Learning =-.
Me, too. I know what you mean. I wish you could have that minute and more. Love to you and Heather.
I wish you a million more minutes with Maddie. I wish I could make that dream come true. I am glad to see a post from you. I am sending you hugs and prayers from across the country!!
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I so wish you could have your dream come true.
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..Zero to 4.5 in 60 Seconds =-.
I wish I could give you back all those minutes.
.-= Becky´s last blog ..[Placeholder] =-.
Oh Mike… how I wish she could be there with you, playing her piano. I would love nothing else.
.-= Maya´s last blog ..I need a massage =-.
I so wish you could have that minute.
I wish there was some way I could get that minute for you. You and Heather deserve that minute. (((hugs)))
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Urinary Tract Infections During Pregnancy =-.
I wish with all my heart that I could give you both that minute. ~hugs~
God how I wish I could give you that, and many more, minutes with that precious Maddie. I’m so deeply sorry.
Hugs, Jenn in CA
This post was so beautiful and touching and powerful…I could literally feel in my heart how badly you wish you could have even just one more minute with Maddie.
.-= s.i.´s last blog ..Timeless =-.
I serioulsy would break both my arms and legs to give you that minute. I just cannot fathom. Keep hanging on.
I wish I could give you that minute…so many of us, though strangers, absolutely would.
Peace.
hugs
Wish with everything that you could have a minute, then a minute more, then an hour, then an hour more, then days, then weeks, they years. Life is not fair and i have been questioning why and why more lately. Why does God take babies? Why does God take friends? Why does God take Family? Why? there are no answers…just wished it was different. Maddie, her smile, her eyes…her personality…that will never be taken.
Wish you could have that extra minute..
Love you guys from a distance. Thank you for being brave enough to share
Lisa
.-= lisa wood´s last blog ..Kids.. =-.
Oh Mike, if ANYBODY here in this cruel world ever deserved that one last minute, it is by far definitely you and Heather! My heart aches for you every day that you are without your sweet little angel. She will never be forgotten…
.-= Patty´s last blog ..A brighter day =-.
I can’t imagine that any amount of time could be enough – but I so wish you could at the very least have those 60 seconds.
.-= Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Why I Think Michael Jackson Was Guilty As Charged =-.
I wish it was in my power to give you and Heather that minute. If I could, I would.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..10 Days =-.
God bless.
I want that minute for you three more than anything, Mike.
xoxoxoxo
.-= Nanette´s last blog ..9 months in, 9 months out =-.
wow. Such a simple word that is making me cry my eyes out for you. Wishing for you that minute… and more.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Fears =-.
I am so utterly sad for you and your dear wife. Like the other posters….crying. I continue to keep you both in my prayers…
Thank you for sharing this. Your love for your daughter is inspiring. I’m impressed that you would want to share those precious 60 seconds with your wife. That says a lot about who you are as a husband and a daddy.
I feel like I’ve just been punched in the stomach. Right now. After reading this.
I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel.
I wish, oh how I wish, you both could have that minute with your Maddie.
Well actually, if I were granted one wish, I would wish for unlimited minutes with your Maddie.
Where’s a Genie when you need one? To grant those wishes.
Thinking of you guys, always, everyday.
I’ve never understood the phrase either… but you’ve made it so clear here.
I wish I could give you that minute.
.-= MG @ MommyGeekology´s last blog ..If you see me at BlogHer =-.
If I had a magic wand, I would grant you and Heather forty-two million extra minutes with your precious little Maddie. If only I had a magic wand … I would grant you what your hearts most desire.
That does not sound SILLY at all! I can definitely imagine having similar fantasies. In fact, I was having fantasies like that when my DOG passed away unexpectedly. I can hardly imagine what you and Heather are going through…I so wish I could give you that minute…
First timer, coming from Matt’s page…I am wishing you that minute right now. No words can describe how a parent feels when they lose a child. I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish you both the peace in your hearts that you deserve.
You write so beautifully about her. I wish you and Heather and Maddie could have that moment. I am so sorry for your loss. All of you.
.-= Lady Lemon´s last blog ..Some Good and Bad Shit for Today =-.
Oh my god. This is beautiful and devastating.
(((hugs)) it is so unfair that you just can’t have that one more minute.
.-= Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Works for Me Wednesday-The Frugal Room Re-do =-.
I’ve wanted that minute for myself for more than a year now. So sorry. I’m crying with you all.
Mike,
I have written on Heather’s blog before but not yours. I know it’s not the same but I lost my dad 3 years and 5 months ago. We played a song at his funeral that my best friend picked out for us called One More Day by Diamond Rio. Get it and listen to it, I wish I could have more day with my dad and you and Heather could have one with Maddie. I think of yall often and the pain that you must be going through. The one thing I absolutely got sick of hearing from people is just give it some time. I wanted to vomit everytime someone said that to me for such a long time but after 3 years it has gotten better. I still grieve and life is not the same, nor will it ever be for us. I stayed angry for such a long time and I have to say that really hasn’t changed but the contstant physical ache I had for him has gotten better. I was to the point of contacting a psychic to see if I could just talk to him and he could tell me he was okay. I think at that point everyone thought she is seriously losing it. I didn’t care, I needed something to make the pain go away. People would tell me, you’ve got to get past this and make peace with it. I didn’t want to make peace with it and I didn’t want the pain to go away. I wanted to wallow in my unhappiness and I wanted everyone around me to be as unhappy as I was. All I can say is life just ain’t fair and it sucks !!! Can you tell I’m from Louisiana??? Just wanted yall to know I think of you often and I can relate to some of your sadness.
Kim
I was brought here by the matt, liz and madeline blog. I clicked on the link he provided and boom I was here. Here to read the story about your daughter and it got me.
I will never know what it’s like to lose a child and I will not lie, I never want to know that pain. But I empathize with your pain and know that it is too much to bear. I know the feeling of wanting one more minute with someone you love, someone who has influenced your life, someone who passed before you got say everything to.
My daughter is named Madolene, I know it’s spelled differently but we call her Maddie as well. I call her my little Maddie Bear. She is named after the most influential person that I have ever known, my grandmother. Choosing her name was the most important to me and I waited till I found out that I was having my little girl to know that it was her name and that it would honor my grandmother greatly. I never got my last minute with my grandmother. She was in the hospital with Congenital Heart Failure and we were told weekly that she would be coming home soon. That she was doing just fine and she could return home. We went to see her on a nightly basis and at 8 years old I knew that I was going to lose her. I knew it wasn’t going to be long and felt I was given signs every time that I should make every moment count.
Every night during her last week,on the way to the hospital, If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks played on the radio. When she passed I was devastated. My mother was with her that night and my grandmother asked her to not call anyone and tell them that she was not doing well. She told her that she just wanted to go and pass peacefully and that she loved her family but she didn’t want them to see her go. The gravity of all this got to my mother but she did it. I never got to tell her goodbye though and that affects me everyday. I want that last minute to tell her that I loved her greatly and she was my world when I was a child.
The pain is still fresh today and it feels as if it were yesterday that she passed but I know that she knew I loved her. And if she wasn’t sure . . .I imagine that she is there and I say it aloud to her.
I want to tell you that my heart aches for you, but I know yours aches so much more. I want to tell you how this post brought me to tears, but I can’t imagine how outnumbered my tears are by yours.
I’m left speechless, with wet cheeks and an ache in my chest.
.-= Insta-Mom´s last blog ..Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition =-.
Hi Mike,
I visit Heather’s blog daily, wrapping my virtual arms around her, while desperately trying to shelter her from the profound pain she feels….lives with, every day. Today, I do the same for you. Your writings are so raw, honest, TRUE. I am a stranger friend. One who never had the honour, gift to know, hold, love Maddie in person. I can however, tell you with all that I have with every picture and video I see and with every word I read of your and Heather’s blog. I fall more in love with Maddie each day and I am so sad I will never get to meet her.
I wish so badly I had the power to give you back your Maddie….even just for that one minute you so long for. I so often cry for you and Heather both as I watch from a not so far distance you both struggle just to simply survive in the world without your little girl. Sometimes life is so NOT fair! I know it’s hard and Mike, I am so very sorry.
You are a wonderful daddy. Maddie is so lucky to have you in her life. I think and pray for you, Heather and Maddie every day and like I told Heather, if you ever need a friend…one just to listen to you….I will be there.
Take Care Mike and for what it’s worth….please know, you are NOT alone!!
My Best,
Your Stranger Friend from Canada,
Jenn
I don’t know you – but you have broken my heart. Thank you for sharing.
.-= Kimberly´s last blog ..Random Thoughts 6 =-.
One minute is all anyone needs for one more long hug and kiss.
Oh I so wish you and Heather could have that minute… (hugs)) xoxo
.-= Jodee´s last blog ..Home Sweet Home…. =-.
Mkie – like one person already mentioned – I too read your blog and Heather’s blog religiously yet I rarely comment because words fail me. I just don’t know what to say and my heart aches for you guys. I wish you could have that minute – you would make the absolute most of it – just like you did with every minute when she was with you.
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..As promised…… =-.
Oh, how my heart aches for you. But after reading your (and Heather’s) blog for a while now, I know that Maddie got a lifetime worth of kisses from you within those 18 months.
Oh God Mike, she’s so beautiful. My middle guy LOVES to see Maddie’s picture, and (usually when I’m on Heather’s site) he asks to see Baby Maddie smile. AMAZING smile.
She’s like some amazing little pixie.
.-= chatty cricket´s last blog ..inchworm =-.
I can’t tell you how many times in the last 6 years I have had very similar fantasies.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Seriously?!?! =-.
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