A few years ago a musician I dig, Juliana Hatfield, wrote a song called “Scary Breeders.” At the time I first heard it I chuckled and was like, “Yeah! Aren’t people that have kids weird?” Of course I am now a scary breeder myself, and have even caught myself calling Heather “Mom” in a non-ironic way. What the hell has happened to me?
Don’t get me wrong, having a child is an amazing experience, but do you ever find yourself wondering how you became THIS person?
Anyway, take a look at song’s lyrics below. They are fairly simple, but might help trigger some thought in regards to the following questions:
“What the heck ever happened to me?”
“Was I someone different before kids?”
Did I have different dreams?
Did my friends see me differently/like me better?
Or have I always wanted to be a parent and only now feel whole?
Discuss!!!! And leave any comments about the lyrics you like as well you scary breeders, you!!!
SCARY BREEDERS
by Juliana Hatfield
Scary breeders
They have come
With their sons and daughters
One by one
Mean and dumb
Have another
They got cable
And AC
And cellular technology
Scary breeders
They run me out of town
Creepy breeders
When the baby feeds
And the implant leaks
It’s a screaming monster
Shut it up
Put some Pepsi
In the baby’s bottle
Or hit it harder
Scary breeders
They run me out of town
Creepy breeders
Those breeders
Strange breeders
Dog breeders
Those breeders
Black Hockey Jesus says:
I’m really into Asian Philosophy and I totally believe I used to be some Western badasss chewing tobacco and killing people for looking at me funny or for having a full house that beat my aces. I’d just shoot them, smile, and spit juice. My kids are here to exact karmic revenge for my histories of misdeeds.
Maria says:
I told a pregnant friend the other day, very casually, that she should pick up some Depends for the week after her birth. When my comment was answered by stunned and horrified silence, I started to get that feeling.
That “Holy batcrap, I’m a Mom” feeling.
I take pride in it mostly, but I wonder what our friends think. My husband and I are fortunate that while none of our college friends have children, his brother has an awesome wife and an awesome son about our son’s age and we can all get together and not feel bad when we talk about missing sleeping all day and being drunk all night. And this is love.
Breeders ARE weird though. I’ve found myself looking at other parents and thinking that they’re possibly huge nutbars and that I’ve somehow retained some sense of my former self and that I haven’t been chewed up by the Parenting Machine.
Then my son throws up on my face and I laugh about it and move on.
(Maybe we’re all zombies and the infection is spread by various forms of child-spewed bodily fluids.)
Danes says:
Ohhh honey it’s what scares me most about eventually getting pregnant someday.
BTW – that song is harsh but she must’ve been sitting behind a toddler on a plane who was chucking snotty peanuts at her. Then I don’t blame her. As a teacher I have to stop myself from walking over to devil children and saying, “We don’t do that in here,” while the parents look on in stupefied horror.
Baby B says:
My older half-sister wanted two kids, got two kids, and said “No more.” And that’s because she thinks people who have more kids than hands are “breeders.”
Christy says:
While I think the lyrics to that song are a little on the disturbing side, (lol) I think it is very easy to lose yourself (at least a little bit) when you have kids…I think I denied a lot of “me” b/c I worried that maybe it wasn’t okay to be… (whatever, fill in the blank) and be a mom. I’m starting to put it all back together though, b/c I realized it’s okay that I don’t fit that cookie-cutter suburbia mom. Who’d want to anyway, right? RIGHT?!