“Ugh. If I see another baby photo on Facebook I think I’m gonna barf.”
The above is a typical complaint that I hear from my non-parent friends. Clearly, they find us parents pretty annoying. And you know what? They’re right. We post endless photos of our kids (always accompanied by a ridiculous caption like “Growing up so fast! Boo-hoo!”), whine about how exhausted we are, and even brag about our kid’s bowel movements (“Tommy used the potty himself today! So proud!”).
But here’s the thing, non-parents. Your Facebook posts haven’t exactly sprung from the pen of Mark Twain either. So, before you get too hot and bothered about how annoying we parents are, I present to you “The Most Annoying Things Non-Parents Do Online.”
Post Photos At Club/Bar With Drink In Hand
I get it. You’re young and love to have fun. But just how many photos do you have to post of yourself hanging on your friends, bleary-eyed, while hoisting an eleven dollar drink in the air? Also, ladies, your dad is your friend on Facebook, and he is mortified by your cleavage.
Tweet While Drunk Complete With “Adorable” Misspellings
I know that whenever I see these tweets I think, “Oh look! Bert is so drunk he can’t spell ‘the!’ Man, I miss that guy!”
Discuss Video Games/Brag About High Scores
You know how lame you think it is when we tweet about our kid’s potty time? That’s how we feel about your updates about “Call Of Duty.” Congrats on getting to Level 8 though.
Obsess Over How Many Days There Are Until “Twilight – Breaking Dawn”
Werewolves aren’t real. Neither are vampires. Or Robert Pattinson. So pipe down.
Post That You Are Going To Take A Nap
I’ll admit it – we’re just jealous that there are adults out there able to nap. But here’s the thing… naps are a rare thing to parents. Constantly hearing about naps for us would be like you constantly hearing about people winning the lottery.
Post Rap Lyrics As Your Status
What is the point of this? Are we supposed to think, “Gee, I never really understood Beth, but then she posted some lyrics by Wiz Khalifa and I suddenly saw straight into her soul!”
Take Profile Pics In Your Bathroom Mirror
As cute as you may look, do you really want to post a photo of your toilet on the Internet?
Use Texting Style Abbreviations
U ppl need 2 stop with this. It B str8 ^ ridic.
What do you say, non-parents? Can we agree to co-exist peacefully? If you say “yes” I promise to not tweet about Annie’s potty training. Well, at least not until she goes in the pot all by herself. That, I’m afraid, will be totally post/tweet worthy.