Buying a new home can be a scary experience. (Duh.)  Until yesterday, however, I have been able to keep from freaking out even while thinking about moving, mortgage payments, and property taxes.

So what happened yesterday? My Dad called and said this:

“You know, Mike, being a homeowner means that when something goes wrong YOU have to fix it.”

Me? Fix things? Oh crap. This is a problem.

When I was a kid and my Dad pulled out his tool box, I wasn’t the type to follow him around, hero-worshiping. I was more the type to hide in my room playing video games while praying he didn’t ask me to help.


Later in life, when the superintendent would come to our apartment to fix a problem, I would nod along as he explained ad nauseum what he was doing. Unfortunately, despite my feigned interest, all I heard him say was, “Wa Wa wa Wa Wa wa.” It was like he was an adult in a “Peanuts” cartoon.

I, of course, was a Charlie Brown-style blockhead for not listening because now I am going to need to fix stuff around the house and am about as handy as Paris Hilton. Fixing a leaky toilet? That’s hot.

Today I was stressing about this so much that, while perusing the “children’s section” of streaming Netflix for something Annie could watch, I ended up putting on episodes of “Bob the Builder” and “Handy Manny” in hope they might teach me something. They didn’t. Of course in Bob and Manny’s defense I stopped paying attention the second they started to fix something.

Sigh.  Unless something at the new home can be fixed with scotch tape or good kick, I’m out of luck. Anyone have any good tips on how I can become Mr. Fix-It and fast? I can’t give Heather yet ANOTHER reason to make fun of me!