Yesterday I wrote a song about Maddie and recorded a one track demo of it.
My Sweet Baby
If I were older
Your head on my shoulder
Then I wouldn’t be so blue
And if I were younger
‘Fore you were put under
I would just kiss and kiss on you
But now, now I am broken
This world has spoken
It took you away
Now, now I am broken
My one golden token
Has been taken away
My sweet baby
And if I were dead
And we met overhead
I would never let you go
But now, now I am broken
This world has spoken
It took you away
Now, now I am broken
My one golden token
Has been taken away
My sweet baby
My sweet baby
My sweet baby
My sweet baby…
{ 127 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautiful, and heart-wrenching. Alan and I are thinking about you and Heather and Maddie every day.
Beautiful Mike.
That is absolutely beautiful. My daughter was also born at 29 weeks and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you, Heather and Maddie. I wish there was some way I could help you guys with your pain. It is unimaginable.
So touching and sweet. I can hear the longing in your voice for your “sweet baby”. Thank you for sharing your demo with us…. its so beautifully written and it touched my heart. Thinking of you and sending positive energy your way.
I’m in tears. Thank you for sharing. Beautiful… just beautiful. Love to you and Heather.
Oh, Mike. That song went straight to my heart.
Hugs to you and Heather.
My heart breaks for you and Heather. Beautiful song, absolutely beautiful.
Beautiful, Mike. Maddie was definitely your golden token, but you have another golden token in Heather.
You guys are always in my thoughts.
Mike.
Beautiful song Mike. Prayers for you and your wife.
I can feel the emotion you put into that song and I’m sure every time I hear it or even think out it, a tear will come to my eye. Thinking of you guys on a daily basis.
Hauntingly beautiful.
xoxo
A beautiful tribute to your angel. So, so sorry for your loss.
Good for you for expressing yourself. God, that sounds so bullshit camp counselor-y to say, but really — well done. Keep sharing (see, there I go again). We’re here, and we’re listening.
That is beautiful… what a wonderful tribute.
Keep at it. Keep getting those feelings out and understood. What a wonderful tribute to Maddie.
Kudos to you for having the courage to post this here for all of us. Honestly, I’m impressed. And I’m not just saying that to spare your feelings. I’m not a music connoisseur by any means, but it touched me.
Your song is unbelievably amazing and beautiful. Even though little Maddie can’t hear it with her ears now, I believe that the essence of her is somewhere out there and she really can hear it. It might just be a vibration, or a feeling or a sensation that she picks up…I don’t know how we experience seeing and hearing once we have passed away from this earth, but I do feel that Maddie hears your song, too. I hope you can always feel the love through the sadness and heartbreak and everything else you are suffering through. You are broken now, but love really will put you back together. And though you will never be the same as before, you will be shaped by the love and not by the tragedy. I believe that and I hope in time you feel it as it’s happening. …. You and Heather and Rigby and your families are in my thoughts and heart. ((Hugs))
Beautiful, Mike. Keep writing and singing. It might help ease the pain. Thanks for sharing.
mike – that is so powerful and touching…what a beautiful gift for maddie, one i truly believe she can hear and feel. thank you for sharing this and so much more…your connection with your daughter continues to inspire me. your family continues to make me strive to be a better person. thinking of you and sending you lots of love today and every day.
*sigh* I LOVE IT.
You have unbelievable talent. What a beautiful tribute to your daughter.
Love you much! xox
Damn, dude. Just… damn.
Dude. You should sing everything you ever do from now on. I wish I could say I knew people, bur really all I know is you.
Amazing. You’ve done your little kid proud.
Beautiful. Keep writing songs to her. I know she can hear them. My heart breaks for you and Heather.
Tender and beautiful. I’m sorry you ever had to write it.
Oh, Mike. I honestly can’t even describe how I feel right now. Your song is heartbreakingly beautiful.
Beautiful and Heart-wrenching.
Mike, that’s a beautiful, touching song. Thank you for sharing it.
Mike, that is so beautiful and heartwrenching. Thanks for sharing it. xoxo
I have been reading Heather’s and your blog for a while (I linked through Matt Logelin’s blog just a few weeks before Maddie passed away). While I have been deeply touched and saddened by everything I have read on your blogs following Maddie’s passing…while listening to your song is the first time I have wept…for this little girl I never met, and for your and Heather’s loss and pain. I guess music has a way like that…and your song, your voice……just WOW. So, so beautiful, heartfelt…and haunting. I am so sorry for your loss.
Nicole
Just…well…beautiful,and heartfelt.
So happy to see you putting your energy into this beautiful song. I am not sure I will be able to handle hearing you sing it. I think I am just able to read it at this point. I can’t start crying…it is too early in the morning. U rock Mike
Such a touching and beautiful song. Please find strength in knowing that you will be with your sweet Maddie again, we are promised that by the one who is now caring for her. She can hear you if you believe. Thanks to you and Heather for showing us your strength and sharing your beautiful Maddie with all of us.
A beautiful song. Such love and tenderness. Raw emotion. Beautiful and touching. Hugs to you and Heather.
So very beautiful! Thank you for sharing this song that I would bet your little Maddie Moo is listening to you sing every time you sing it!
Your little Maddie hears your song Mike. It is heartbreakingly beautiful, just like she was. Her spirit is close to you. I wish I could take away the pain for you. Take it a day at a time.
Sending love and hugs and hope to you and your beautiful wife.
Beautiful. My heart aches for your loss.
what a tragically beautiful song. you are in my thoughts daily.
Beautiful, just so tragically beautiful.
Thank you for sharing it. Many thoughts, much love and many, many hugs to you and Heather.
Mike, I’m so, so sorry. I know that doesn’t do much to help with the pain because really, probably nothing does. I’m in tears at your song, and at yours and Heather’s pain. I think of your family nearly every day. I know that you each have to work through it on your own; just know that each of us is here supporting you and trying to help in some small way to lighten your burden.
A beautiful song indeed… thank you so much for sharing it with all of us. Sending positive thoughts from MA today… always…
Beautiful lyrics… Yet, SOOOOOO Heart Wrenching. I’m sorry for your loss.
That was beautiful, just like Maddie. It brought tears to my eyes. I’m still praying…
beautiful. she’s with you. she hears it.
Mike what a beautiful tribute to your beautiful daughter,my heart breaks for you and Heather. You Heather and Maddie are never far from my thoughts. You are in my prayers
Heartbreakingly beautiful. Thank you for sharing your song and your beautiful girl with us. I think about you, Heather and Maddie every day!
Heart wrenching. Beautiful, but heart wrenching.
Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
Well done, Mike. Well done.
your song, mike, is absolutely beautiful and heart breaking. i’m so sorry for your pain. i think of you, heather and maddie every day. so many hugs to you.
Touching…
Absolutely beautiful. You and Heather are in my thoughts.
Everyone else has said it already, but it’s so, so true- That was incredibly beautiful and heartbreaking. What a truly touching tribute to your beautiful girl.
Beautiful, Mike. I can’t imagine why I am so suprised that you are so talented, I’ve known for so long. I guess hearing is different than knowing. Beautiful. What an amazingly tender and heart breaking tribute. We all love you guys.
I’m speechless. I’m a writer and I can’t even capture the words to express the sorrow AND hope I feel for both of you. You both are amazing and inspiring people. Maddie is sorely missed even from Quebec.
Beautiful, Mike. Thank you for sharing. Writing is a good way to heal.
Beautiful. I’m so sorry.
I’m so terribly sorry for your loss.
so sad and so beautiful.
Tears in my eyes….thank you for sharing your beautiful words with your voice…
How very beautiful. You’re in my prayers.
sadly beautiful. hearts around you always.
An amazing tribute to a beautful girl from her Daddy. Stay strong.
I knew you wrote songs, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sing before. That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
I’m sitting here in tears…that was so heartwrentching and beautifully written.
Absolutely beautiful.
Hauntingly beautiful, Mike; thank you so much for sharing but I am so fucking irate that it ever needed to be written/sung. I am so very sorry and can’t stop listening/crying. I can’t fathom this hell. You and Heather are very much cared for.
So very beautiful.
you and heather sure did make a wonderful golden token together. You and heather were meant to find each other, fall in love, decide to spend your lives together, and make a baby. And then this inexplicable nightmarish loss. Hold each other close. Love each other. It’s all you can do right now.
Beautiful.
I ache that there was a reason for you to write this heart-rending song. I so agree with what you wrote in an earlier post…while I DO believe that Maddie is in a beautiful place wherever she is now (how could anyone that pure and precious not be?), it is impossible to imagine a place more beautiful than the one you and Heather created for her. I am so sorry.
How I pray for your peace and that you will somehow be able to hold on to the love and joy of Maddie.
I’ve been reading here and Heathers, but haven’t commented on yours until today. That song is beautiful…and heart breaking. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Heather, that someday you will find peace and comfort. XO
You have such immense talent. I’m glad you’re able to tap into it to express yourself, and equally glad you shared your song with us. Much love to you and Heather!
Mike, absolutely beautiful and moving. Thinking of you and Heather.
just beautiful!
So sweet, and so sad. Sweet baby.
xo from CT,
Amanda
That was beautiful, Mike. Take care of yourself and Heather. Maddie is with you.
Purple hugs and kisses,
Sue
So so beautiful. You’re bloody amazing Mike. XOX
Brilliant.
Beautiful.
Lovely, just like the sweet, sweet girl who inspired it. Thank you for sharing with us. Longing for you to be together again some day.
Thank you so much for sharing Maddie with us, with the world. I feel like a better person for having the chance to know her light, her spirit. Your story breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, but it rearranges them into a better place, as well. Thank you, and God bless you.
Mike, have you ever seen that movie August Rush? If you haven’t, get it, and you and Heather watch it together. Suspend reality and the story will be almost just like the story of the love between the three of you. Your music reaches Maddie, Mike – it does. It always will. And so does Heather’s devoted sharing of her love. We all love you so much. Please cling to us if you can.
xxoo
Kristen Gunther
I am holding my babies tighter tonight. Thanks for the sweet reminder of how very precious these little ones are in our lives, at this very moment.
Beautiful song. Beautiful voice. My heart continues to break for you and your wife. I pray that you two will continue to lean on one another….I am still so sorry.
WOW!! You can SING! Beautiful, I don’t know how you got through it! Beautiful.
Thinking of you both.
Just beautiful and haunting and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing with us.
It’s a really, really beautiful song for a really, really beautiful baby.
Wow. Just beautiful. I’m so sorry Mike.
such a beautiful song Mike. You all are always in my thoughts.
Astounding! Maddie is surely enjoying your song.
What a beautiful way to honor your daughter. Sometimes it’s ok to be broken…. one day the break won’t feel so bad but you will always remember and that is what will keep you going strong.
a beautiful song for a beautiful girlie
absolutely beautiful…sending much love to you, heather and rigby…
Incredible… The lyrics, the way you sing it… just incredible…
You and Heather both amaze me every day.
I never want to know your pain, but I wish I could take it away.
What a beautiful song, Mike. Thank you for sharing it, yourself and your daughter with us. Your family is constantly on my mind. I’m wishing peace and comfort for you and Heather.
XOXO
Simply Beautiful. Your family is always in my thoughts.
beautiful, heartbreakingly, excruciatingly beautiful… I hear the pain in your voice and it breaks my heart… I didn’t want the song to end… I think about you and heather every day. I don’t think I have ever seen a child as beautiful and angelic as maddie. her beauty was not of this world… again, I am just so damn sorry that it turned out this way…
What a beautiful song. I pray for your family daily! God bless
Your story is so heartbreaking. I want to ask you to please talk with Jehovah’s Witnesses next time they come to your house. They will give you hope from the Bible. You can see Maddie again on earth and she will be healthy. God doesn’t take babies because he need another angel in heaven. Babies don’t deserve to die, but the Bible shows why they do. There is hope.
Mike I read your song and then went back and played it…and cried and cried.
IT is just so beautiful and you have such an amazing voice….you can hear your love for Maddie and I am sure she is dancing while listening to it (busting a move).
You are so strong, amazing and my love goes out to you guys. Every time i check to see how you both are going I end up crying for such a sweet little angel.
Hugs, Love, Thoughts and prays sent to you.
Wish I could take your pain away
Lisa
it’s beautiful.
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful tribute to precious Maddie. I think of you, Heather and Maddie everyday. You are all in my prayers.
That is so beautiful and so touching……….
I don’t know exactly where my religious faith lies…but I do think our voices can be heard by those we have lost. I truly believe that your song will reach Maddie. A beautiful song for a beautiful little girl…I’m just so sorry for your loss.
I am blown away by this. I didn’t know what to expect, but it is really good. Amazing.
Mike, This song is amazing, the lyrics and your voice. Very touching.
what a wonderful way to use your gifts and musical talents to honor your daughter. It’s moving and lovely. she must have just loved having you as her daddy. i know there will be lots of hard times to come but don’t forget how many ppl are thinking and praying for you. you and heather have quite a force standing behind you and above you.
Truly amazing. What a gift. Thank you for sharing.
I could only listen to about a minute of it because it made me cry too hard (sorry)… but the words as a poem are beautiful. So sorry you have to go through this. My heart is with you and Heather… hugs and love from NJ.
Not leaving a name, since I’m a “stranger”, and someone linked me to this. Like you mentioned in your tribute to Madeline – you will always be her daddy. Nothing could be clearer from this song. Stay strong. Wherever she is, she loves you and is proud you were her daddy.
Wished you could have written the song without the experience you had to go through…
Exquisite.
She would love it.
Mike, this is PERFECT.
yes.
perfect.
The way both you and Heather honor Maddie is beyond anything I could ever imagine. No one should ever underestimate the passion a parent feels for their child. No one should ever forget the memories they create with loved ones. And no one will ever forget sweet Maddie.
This is truly a HEARTSONG (ironically a poem authored by the late Mattie Stepanek who was taken from the Earth too soon).
Makes me want to sit in a rocker with my son and put your song on repeat. Great job Mike!
I’ve listened to this song several times over the past several days and left another comment a long time ago….. I wish there hadn’t been a reason for you to write this, but it really is a beautiful song. Thanks for sharing it. Thinking of you and Heather and beautiful Maddie. And I hope little Rigby is ok. Bless her heart…I know she loves and misses Maddie, too. (((Hugs))) to you all.
Honestly, I’ve begun writing to both you and Heather countless times and stopped myself each time, ultimately closing out the window, even after long winding paragraphs were sitting on the screen.
Yesterday my husband and I drove to Palm Springs from Santa Monica and talked a lot about you three. It’s very odd, the process living this tremendously fragile aspect of your life out on the internet. Your family’s gorgeous love, strength, tenacity, humor, and now its deep struggle and tragedy has altered me. If you ever vacilate about putting your experience out there for all of us to absorb, please know how profoundly it can affect so many. I respect your courage. I respect how, at least from my perspective after having read through Heather’s blog all the way back to Madeline’s birth, you all appeared to be so strong through her early days in the NICU. My husband and I have debated a lot about having children; I am never quite sure even though I have a fantastically loving and present family and network of friends all there to support us. Even with their love, I’m not sure. For some reason, you and Heather have made me want to be a mom more than anything in a long time, possibly ever. I don’t know why, what it means, or what it’s even worth, but it’s true. I guess I’m here to say thanks for that, because it’s important even if I don’t ultimately act on it, and to tell you I’m very very sorry for your loss. We’re just a few blocks away, and we are totally rooting for you and Heather.
Best,
Cayenne
Very beautiful. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your sweet baby Maddie. She was a ray of sunshine. I hope that you and Heather find some measure of comfort in the love of your family and the shared memories of your child.
Wow. I’ve read all the archives, your and Heather’s words. Now heard the song. Just…wow.
Thinking of your family today. I hope you took time to remember all the beautiful memories you have of your daughter.
How’re you doing, Mike? Haven’t heard from you for a while, and just wanted you to know you haven’t been forgotten. You don’t have to be ‘tough’. Cry when you need to, and treat yourself with care. Hard times require it.
Wow. Poignant, poignant poem. Heart-wrenching. Thinking of you….
(((Hugs)))
Beautiful. Your love just comes shining through. You are in my thoughts.
That was divine. She had to have heard that. My lost baby did.
Thank you, Mike.
Beautiful, Mike. I’m in tears.