The following is one of the posts I wrote for my wife’s website, www.thespohrsaremultiplying.com, during her difficult pregnancy with Maddie.
Last night all was well with Heather so I went out for my fun night on the town! It started with the LA Clippers season opener against my team, The Golden State Warriors, at the Staples Center. My first order of business upon arriving was to find the most fattening, over-stuffed, and heart stopping hot dog I could. To my delight I came across a concession I had never noticed before called BIG DAWGS, and that is exactly what they sold. I selected the New York dog which was a foot-long sausage smothered in sauerkraut, Gulden’s mustard, and heaps of Swiss cheese. As I walked toward my section men stopped in their tracks upon seeing me and yelled, “WOAH! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!” I felt very proud in a hunter and gatherer sort of way, and told the men where to go to get one if they seemed nice or wore a Warriors’ jersey. If not I simply walked on, leaving them to wander aimlessly between the McDonald’s and Chinese Beef Bowl stand.
Upon arriving at my row I squeezed past a man morosely eating a salad next to his girlfriend, then threw my head back and cackled triumphantly. The man looked down, ashamed, as I found my seat next to a father and son. As a father-to-be myself, I watched the duo with great interest. Before too long The Clippers’ cheerleaders ran onto the court and the Dad bellowed, “Son! The cheerleaders!” The boy looked to the floor, and a long moment of father/son ogling passed until the father finally cooed, “Those are what I call bee-yoo-tee-full women!” The whole interaction struck me as inappropriate somehow, and it got me thinking about what is and isn’t appropriate to say and do with your kid, especially when dealing with issues of sexuality and the like. My father – who I give very high marks as a Dad – acted like girls and sexuality simply didn’t exist when I was growing up. In fact, when he took me to see the Warriors play back in the day, one of the Warriors’ Girls could have done upside down splits inches away from his face and he would have said, “The Warriors better pick it up on defense, son! DEFENSE! DEFENSE! DEFENSE!” Perhaps my Dad was a bit too Puritan about it all though, and maybe what the father next to me said was healthy and part of helping his son to develop a normal sexuality. I mean it’s not like the father had said, “See the little Asian one, boy? If I had my way I would do things to her they ain’t even discovered in China yet!” That, I realize, would have been inappropriate. The father even called the dancers “women” and not chicks or babes. I was really worried about all of this until I realized I’m having a girl. None of this complicated stuff applies! All I’ll have to worry about is simple stuff like promoting a healthy body image for Maddie, explaining what that blood is on her underwear (Oh Lord, I pray Heather is home when that happens) and dealing with boys checking her out at the mall. Oy.
At half-time I ran over to the Nokia Theater to see Neil Young. The theater is beautiful and Neil kicked ass. As opposed to many of the classic rock artists I have seen, Neil still sings and plays as well as he did back in the sixties. I can’t say that all of his fans have aged as gracefully, however. It’s funny, I used to watch the footage of Neil playing with Crosby, Stills, & Nash at Woodstock and wonder whatever happened to all those sexy hippie girls gyrating so strangely in the crowd. Well, last night I found out. Two rows in front of me this sixty-something hippie chick was doing the exact same over the top Woodstock moves, and what may have looked good forty years ago only made her look like a crazy person today. At the end of the show she walked past me, and I half expected her to start conversing with someone only she could see, or close talking with me about a global conspiracy or the like.
On the way home the freeway was empty except for a speeding ambulance in front of me, and I could see a little old lady through the back windows hooked up to an IV. She was sitting up and talking to the paramedic though, so I think she was okay. Nevertheless, as I followed her back to the same hospital H is at, I became anxious to see how H was. Thankfully she was sleeping soundly when I made it to the room, and before long I was too.