Today Heather’s parents were kind of enough to come and take my two daughters – Maddie and Rigby – to their house so that I could have a mental health day. With no one to take care of but myself I went to the movies and saw a couple flics, “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” and “Rachel Getting Married.” The first flick had two adorable leads but sort of bored the heck out of me. Sadly, I think that I have finally hit the age – a couple months shy of 33 – where I find movies about teenagers juvenile instead of loads of fun. This, of course, excludes any movies made about teenagers during the eighties and early nineties which I will watch endlessly for nostalgia’s sake. John Hughes? Woot! Woot!
The second movie, “Rachel Getting Married,” was a little more the speed of someone my age and I generally liked it. What struck me, however, was how the two sisters in the movie fought and fought and fought. While they likely – hopefully – had issues Maddie and any prospective sibling would never have, I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like if Maddie had a little brother or sister.
You see, in my life the “only children” I have known have been incredibly self absorbed and selfish, and I don’t want Maddie to grow up that way. On the other hand I’m not crazy about the idea of living in a home with two kids, let alone – gasp – two teenagers, at each others’ throats. This got me thinking about my relationship with my own sister which, while it is good now, wasn’t always the best.
What follows are but a couple examples of our youthful battles:
1. When I was four-years-old my sister, who is two years my senior, picked up a fresh piece of our dog’s poo with a sandwich bag and chased me around the garage threatening to rub it on my face. As I ran away, frightened, I looked back to see how much she was gaining on me. I then ran into my Dad’s pool table and knocked myself out. When my parents found me passed out on the ground my face was covered in blood and they thought I was dead. I ended up having to get a bunch of stiches.
2. When my sister was eight and I was six we were riding our bikes one night in the front yard when I decided to touch my front tire to her back tire to see if I could make her fall off her bike.
To my horror, instead of making her just fall of her bike, it sent her flying forward and she impaled her “downstair’s partner” on the bar below the handles. She started bleeding profusely from her “downstair’s partner,” and my parents frantically called over our neighbor who was a doctor. I sat outside her room as she screamed bloody murder as the doc looked her over.
I never told her about my crime for a good decade and a half until one Thanksgiving we were drinking and laughing and had the following conversation:
Me: “Remember when you fell onto the bar below the handles of your bike and started bleeding from your downstair’s partner?”
Sis: “Why do you call it my ‘downstair’s partner’?”
Me: “‘Cause I didn’t want to say ‘your vagina’.”
Sis: “Good point. My little brother talking about my vagina is sort of barf worthy. Let’s stick with ‘downstair’s partner.”
Me: “It’s a good euphimism, right?”
Sis: “Totally. So what about my downstair’s partner?”
My sister chuckles. I do too, then start laughing so hard I can barely talk.
Me: “You…didn’t…just…fall…off….your…bike. I touched my front tire….to your back one…and made it happen.”
I laugh hardest yet until I notice my sister is deadly serious. She hits me.
Sis: “Asshole. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have kids because of that night!”
Me: “Yeah, well, you got two so shut up!”
Sis: “You shut up!”
Me: “No, you!”
My sister storms off. The rest of the night is awkward.
And scene…
Anyway, the point is that siblings can drive each other – and their parents – up the wall. There are, of course, great benefits to having siblings, but at the same time, being a Dad to two kids who go crazy on each other like my sister and I did doesn’t sound like the most fun.
What do you all think? Will Maddie (and my) life be better or worse if she has a sibling?
Surfer Jay says:
Hmmmm, pondering the possibilities…
Now, her life will benefit greatly. Just imagine for a sec if you didn’t have your sister to laugh at the other night. Would have been a much duller night wouldn’t it?
Now your life, well thats a toughy. I’m also a SAHD so I have battled over this one myself. I have come to the only plausible conclusion here: Tougher for you now, but beneficial in the future on multiple levels: if you decide to give another one of your kids up you have one to fall back on, and you will have someone to change your incontinance diapers when your old, and considering that our Social Security will be depleted by our parents your two kids can chip in to pay for your old-farts home and for those incontinance diapers. So do it!
Surfer Jays last blog post..
Raging Dad says:
Youch! Nothing like bleeding genitals to wake you up. I can tell already that my kids are going to tear each other apart pretty much constantly for the rest of their life. They are 6/4/4, and pretty physical. Even so, I can’t imagine having only one and them, and the little savages not having each other.
Raging Dads last blog post..“John McCain believes in guns.”
A Free Man says:
Downstairs partner, huh?
My sister and I battered each other until we moved out of home. I still have a scar that is a perfect replica of her upper teeth on my leg.
The only thing that keeps us from physical violence when we get together now is some sort of shame at acting like children.
A Free Mans last blog post..Z’s Music, er, Wednesday: Sell the kids for food
Ms. Moon says:
You know, I think that’s one of those questions that no one could answer. It would all depend on the different personalities of the children as well as circumstances. My two oldest are not quite two years apart and they hardly ever fought and were each other’s best friends for many years and are still close. My two youngest? Not so much. I was afraid the older one would kill the younger one from the time she was born. They were three years apart but it was more of a personality thing than any age thing. But now they’re all grown up and all quite close.
I just don’t think there’s a definitive answer to that question. It’s one of those throw-caution-to-the-wind situations.
Ms. Moons last blog post..To Call Us Pigs Would Insult The Animal
ashley says:
It’s a crap shoot. You never know what kind of personality will come from your loins. My two get along great. For now.
ashleys last blog post..The Sky IS Falling
carrie says:
That is a hard question…….. It is all about personalities. I made my sister’s life a living hell when we were young. Locked her in rooms, put her on a skateboard and towed her behind my bike on a hill (required a visit to the ER) and convinced her she was adopted, more that once. Now, we are good friends. For me, she was 5.5 years younger and the age difference was too much. She was also OVERLY huggie and I like my space. We were like oil and water. I do not have a good answer. I watch my 3 and wonder the same. They all love each other now but I already see preferences forming based on personality.
carries last blog post..2 Sillies Tonight
Mary Beth (Cats, Books, Life is Good) says:
As one of 6 siblings, my vote goes to more than one. There is nothing like having the support of brothers and sisters to help you through tough times. We are all 3 or 4 years apart (except between my older brother and me there’s only 10 months) and while we fought sometimes, we also banded together like you wouldn’t believe. Unfortunately for you, there will be times of us vs. them and you have now crossed to the them side:(
Mary Beth (Cats, Books, Life is Good)s last blog post..HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!
Jamie says:
Great story – downstairs partner? Classic!
I always thought I wanted 4, 5 or even (gasp) 6 kids – then I had Maggie. Maggie was a high spirited (nice way to say pain in the ass) baby. She cried/screamed/fussed – all the time. Needless to say after we had her I changed my mind about about how many kids I wanted. My new motto was “one and done” but the baby gods had something else planned and I got pregnant (and I was on the pill) with Ry around Mag’s 1st birthday. When I found out, I cried. and I kept crying for days. Now, it’s great that they are so close in age. Don’t get me wrong they can drive me bonkers some (most) days fighting over silly stuff like who gets to sing the Ariel song or whose turn it is to pick a show. Even when it sucks – I can’t imagine not having them both or more importantly them not having each other. Bottom line, my opinion (as if it really matters) is siblings are a good thing.
Jamies last blog post..Missing Mom
Rachel says:
This is a question I ask myself almost daily (about my own daughter, of course). I start to feel guilty when I catch Elizabeth talking to inanimate objects, such as pencils, flowers, the toilet, etc. I am sure Maddie would benefit from having a sibling but you should definitely do it because you and Heather are ready to have another, not because Maddie needs a playmate.
Rachels last blog post..Zoo
gin says:
DOWNSTAIRS PARTNER!! Definitely the best I’ve heard it called!
I have an older sister by three years (haven’t seen her in over 7 years), a younger brother by 14 months and a baby brother by 6 years. Growing up, my younger brother and I were very close. Now, we don’t really talk unless I’m in town. My baby brother was and always will be MY BABY BROTHER! A very important person in my life. When a sibling is old enough to understand what caring for their younger sibling is all about, it makes a world of difference.
My daughter is mostly an only child. It breaks my heart that her brother whom lives with his mom and sees us about every two weeks isn’t an integral part of her growing up. She wants a little sister, but now that she’s nearing 11 and my husband has been fixed, this will not be a happening thing. She would make an amazing older sister. She has two cats and a dog that she is already fiercely loyal to. I believe it also has to do with the parenting, not just the amount of silbings. In our house, we’ve always shown that you stick together no matter what or who you are (fur-kid or just kid). We are very close and loving. And yes, there are times when she really needs that sibling band together thing. And I wish I could do that for her in more ways than anyone knows. But in the end, as long as the children are loved and as long as there’s much in way of socializing and making life-long friendships early, it will honestly make a world of difference. I believe in that.
gins last blog post..Politics Shmolitics
Maria says:
Oh my god I did the same thing to my brother. (The bike thing.) We were about a mile from the house and I had to go to a random door to ask to use the phone so my mom could come and pick up my bleeding and injured little brother. MAN, I was a huge asshole.
My boys will be 31 months apart or so, depending on when Alvin makes an appearance. I’m wondering what kind of insane mischief and shenanigans they’ll start getting into. I just hope they love each other when they’re adults, which to me is the point of siblings.
Marias last blog post..ten
Kate says:
First? I love this. Hilarious!
I’ve said this on numerous occasions (because you know – people really listen to me): Whatever famiy you have ends up being the only one you want. If you have five kids, then you can’t imagine them not having all of those siblings to support each other (and I guess try to kill each other?). If you have two, you think it’s perfect – the siblings can be friends and the parents aren’t outnumbered. And if you only have one, it’s hard to imagine a life where there there isn’t one simple answer to every question: “whatever is best for him/her.”
So you’ll just have to see what you end up with and then be confident in the fact that you couldn’t imagine anything better.
On an unrelated note – I used this same title for a post a few weeks back about cat people vs. dog people. So I wasn’t entirely sure where you were going with that. Sadly – my post isn’t as good now since I had to pull the funniest part. It was a true life example of a crazy cat person (she has 16 cats, wears a cape that makes her look like Bilbo Baggins, dresses up monthly for her Dr. Who club and consistently demands that pets be added to the office medical insurance plan). She works with my husband and since my blog isn’t anonymous, we were worried that she might see it (just in case one of her Dr. Who friends reads me).
By the way – I’m doing a really great giveaway on my blog – see my post from yesterday. It’s a beautiful clutch bag from Bee Gee Bags. It could be a really good present for your wife (or a little something for yourself – or whatever). So you should check it out.
Sorry for the post-like comment. This is the second time I’ve done that this morning… I think maybe I’ve had too much coffee… Better get back to work and use these productive powers for good.
Kates last blog post..As Good as Cake Giveaway: Bee Gee Bags
jenni says:
I’m pro-sibling (obviously, being that I’m very pregnant with #2.) I have an older sister and a younger brother and while we fought something awful when we were younger, they are two of my best friends now.
Also, I feel pretty strongly that siblings are a gift you give your children, someone to share their history with, another person to teach them about love. I think that is important.
jennis last blog post..The Nesting. Oh my God the Nesting.
Jen W says:
It’s actually nice for the parents in some ways. Because even though they may fight, there are also times that they will play together and leave you alone so you can function as an adult for a brief moment in time!
My brother and I used to fight like that when we were younger, too. I remember once we were fighting and I ran to call my mom to tell on him. He started to wrap the phone cord around my neck and choked me so I started beating him over the head with the receiver. Ah, good times, good times.
Jen Ws last blog post..Lonely Girl 15? Nah, it’s just Megan, alone, with the video camera
Jim says:
There’s no way to answer that well. I was an only child and I turned out fine. I know other ‘onlies’ who were (and some remain) idiots. If you want another child, that’s good. If you are only having one so that Maddie can have a sibling, I’m on the fence.
Jims last blog post..Guest Posting
Kristin says:
Well, I’m an only child. I don’t consider myself self-centered or spoiled. I think it all has to do with the parents. Some parents of only children do EVERYTHING for the child and they never teach the child to function as a person on their own. I’d like to think my parents did a good job on me. (my 16 yr old self would have disagreed when I got my dad’s hand-me-down ten year old Mazda 323 Hatchback for my first car). I didn’t just get everything handed to me. And No I was NOT lonely. I had friends to keep me company. I never had a hard time making friends. I shared well as a child.
I think its a hard decision to make to just stop at one or have another. I had a tough time with it. We have two now and I have NO problems saying we’re DONE.
One is very nice, no second round of getting up in the middle of the night, no second round of bottles, potty training, only one college tuition to worry about, etc…
However, two is great too. You are more experienced with the second. And I ditto the commentor that said they entertain each other.
My two fight but as much as they fight, they also love to play together and miss each other when one is gone. And I have tooons of stories to torture them with when they are older!!
Kristins last blog post..the longest day….
HeatherPride says:
Well as an only child I kind of take offense to the whole selfish bit. I have known only children who were totally delightful! So I have to stick my tongue out at you on that one.
But if you decide on just one I can give you some only child raising tips! Socializing is the most important thing. Give her lots of opportunities to be around other children. Only children get a bad rap for not sharing, but actually we love to share our things. Sharing cool stuff is a way to get other kids to come and play.
I’m sure whatever you decide you will be terrific parents to another one, just like you already are to Maddie!!
Kristin says:
As a mom of 2 girls that are 4 years apart, I can say that some things are better, some worse but mostly its just different. That love you have for 1 will somehow grow to include the 2nd. That frustration you had with one, will do the same thing too Its great to see what their differences are. I am an only child, I guess growing up alone then raising siblings I see both. Both are great, both suck! LOL! I would have to say it depends on you and Heather, if we want more, are ready for more, your home dynamic is really dependant on you guys! Either way, your family is just as it is meant to be in the end .
Love the “downstairs partner”…thats fabulous.
Joe says:
I always hear that “only children” grow to feel privileged and bratty. That’s not to say that’s how it is, it’s just what I read/hear. Tyler will be receiving a sibling in about 3 years, and we’re both hoping for another boy. Watching Superbad made me want to NEVER have a girl. I’ll go to jail for murder if I ever see a boy hitting on her, I just know it.
Joes last blog post..Politics
Amy says:
We have two girls, almost 6 years apart, and we STILL struggle with whether to have a third, even though our youngest is 7 years old. It is an age-old decision and one that can only be made by you and Heather! We can all tell our stories of our own childhood and our own child rearing experiences, but when it comes right down to it, the choice has to be the right fit for YOUR family!
AMomTwoBoys says:
Dude. While, yes, at times it SUCKS ASS to have two kids who are constantly making each other scream and cry (and YES, Zach is ONE), it’s awesomer than you can even imagine.
Which I can only assume will hold true for years to come. Otherwise I might develop a pretty serious drinking problem. But at least there’s a solution, right?!
ali says:
Mike…i have these words for you:
MY MOTHER IS AN ONLY CHILD.
alis last blog post..five things
Bonnie says:
She’ll love having a sibling. Put a few years between them. You will see a side of Maddie you have never seen. And yes, they will fight and beat on each other and all of that But they will also hug and love and be friends. Until Maddie chases the baby around with dog poo in a baggie.
Bonnies last blog post..Can you hear me now?
Angela says:
My opinion, it would be better for her in the long run to have a sibling (best get started now eh?). She will have a playmate, someone to confide in, someone to plot devious “let’s scare the crap out of mom and dad” plans, someone to fight with, and yes…someone to chase dogpoo with. There are times where I have to seperate my 3…and I dread the day I have teens. But it melts away when I see the older two helping baby bro acheive some big task like climbing up the stove to get a hold of some candy stashed in a cabinet. I have that ‘awww they are helping each other out’ moment. Then I beat them. You get the picture right?
Lori says:
I think sibling rivalry makes you more resilient. To this day I’m not particularly close to my brothers, but I’d be sad if I didn’t have them. And while sibling fights are common place at our house, so is the playing nicely and helping and loving. I think the sex of the kids matters, too. If I had had a sister things would’ve been different. Luckily in our house we have two of each so someone always had a pal.
Loris last blog post..The Skeletons In My Closet Have Come Out
Anna Marie says:
Dude, you wouldn’t BELIEVE the crap my brother and I did to each other – he took my thumbnail off with a shovel (don’t ask), I sent him to the ER with stitches by hitting him in the head with a garden hoe; a couple of years later I talked him into climbing on our horse bareback, slapped it on the rear and sent it running across the pasture. My brother fell off and broke his arm. Siblings are the BEST. Seriously. We laugh about it all the time and I don’t know what I’d do without him.
I also know that once you’ve had complications with one child the thought of having another is daunting.
Anna Maries last blog post..Bump
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
After I had Alison, I felt like she would always be enough, for the rest of my life. My husband wanted two kids, and we had always talked about having two, but I just didn’t want to see THAT side of her, you know? I didn’t want to “ruin” the perfect life we had by adding another kid. But then I agreed with my husband that we wanted her to have a sibling, and eventually along came Blythe. Yes, Alison acts jealous and occasionally mean. But you know what? Right now, they are dancing together in Blythe’s room while I read blogs. Neither one of them requires my attention because they have each other. And as Blythe gets older, that happens more and more. They fight, but they also have some amazing moments together. Would I give up either one of my girls? Never in a million years. Although, feel free to ask me again when they are teenagers!
Kelly says:
Two (or more) can be a bit of trouble at times, but the benefits far outweight any negatives. I vote for more than one kid.
Kellys last blog post..The sweetest thing…
mandy says:
from an only lonely, have another kid!