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Heather and I have butted heads a lot over feeding Annie because we have a pretty profound philosophical difference over what constitutes a successful feeding. In my mind, if Annie eats a nutritious meal, that’s a win no matter how much of a mess she makes. Heather, on the other hand, thinks that Annie needs to not just eat a nutritious meal but also not make a huge, freaking mess. As is usually the case with our disagreements, this one ended with me conceding that Heather was right and promising that Annie would keep messes to a minimum in the future.
There was only one problem with this. I can be a pretty messy eater myself, and unfortunately Annie seems to take after me. Still, I promised Heather things would change, so I launched a campaign to make that happen. It started with…
Phase One
I used to be pretty lazy when it came to putting a bib on Annie, but after one too many ruined outfits I became vigilant about putting one on Annie before she ate. Here’s the thing about bibs though – they’re pretty much useless! Well, at least with my kid they are. At the end of Annie’s meals she’d have a clean spot on her chest, but the rest of her would be coated with food.
Phase Two
One day it dawned on me to put Annie in one of my old T-shirts when she ate, and it did the trick (I suggest other parents with messy toddlers try this, too). Unfortunately, while I no longer had to change Annie’s clothes after eating, my old T-shirt failed to protect her (princess) hair, and that wasn’t going to fly. You see, in addition to being lazy about the bib, I’d also been fairly lazy in the past about putting Annie’s hair in a pony tail before she ate. As a result, Annie’s hair often fell into her food and became a sticky mess, making it even harder to brush (as Heather liked to remind me). To remedy this I made putting Annie’s hair up an integral part of “phase two,” but Annie nonetheless always managed to stick a yoghurt/chocolate/cheese covered finger into her hair and muck it all up. It was time for…
Phase Three
The shower cap kept Annie’s hair spic and span, but it didn’t stop her from ending up with grubby little hands that could quickly pull off the shower cap.
Phase Four
After a couple successful meals by Heather’s standards I thought I’d perfected things, but Annie had other plans. Just two minutes into her next meal she got her eyebrows and eyelashes covered in PB&J!
Phase Five
At last… perfection! Well, almost. Annie still managed to get food on her nose and cheeks, but cleaning up was a lot easier than it was back in the days of phase one.
So was Heather impressed? Not exactly. She seems to think that Annie should be able to eat without having to wear a hazmat suit, and I guess I see her point. On to phase six!
Lilian says:
OMG, I literally spat out my tea while reading this. Completely hilarious! I’m still laughing!!!!
Sue says:
This is the funniest thing ever!!!!!!!!!!!
Tracie says:
Hilarious.
It seemed like a good idea to me.
Jessica Makuh says:
This made me laugh so much because it reminds me of what we’ve been through with our children, who are very messy eaters. We especially struggled with our youngest daughter, who has had problems eating because of her heart defect. She didn’t want to eat most of the time and certainly didn’t want to wear a bib. It was a nightmare! I would actually resent mealtimes because of the mess. We had a hard time finding a bib she liked. We even bought a Mickey Mouse bib online in the hopes she would wear it. It worked well, but not the best. I finally found a bib with sleeves that velcroes in the back. It has a pocket in the front and is made of vinyl or something and it had animals on it, so she liked it. It worked the best for us. I bought it at a Meijer. We also struggled with her hair getting messy. She has straight hair, but it’s thick and there is a lot of it, even though we keep it short. She has crazy hair. We started washing her hair at the sink after every mealtime, but she was very angry about it and it was time consuming, so we bought her a swim cap for kids to wear at dinner time. It actually worked really well once she got used to it. Finally, we got her to stop touching her head by telling her at every meal not to touch her head or her face. She just turned 4 and is a much cleaner eater now. She even asks us to wash her hand if it gets sticky or something. I love it!
Anyway, this post was funny! You certainly went further than we did. The shower cap and the goggles and the gloves were awesome ideas! I wonder if they make kid medical gloves? Their thinner, so she could still eat!
Lamb says:
HA! Really, Mike. You complain that dads don’t get the respect they deserve, but then you do this
tonya cinnamon says:
hahahahaah Oh I remember those days when my kidlets were small. I just put a huge table cloth around them and sometimes like at parties ect put a drop cloth like at a barber shop around them less mess to clean up and they think they are cool
tonya cinnamon says:
table cloth around them on the ground i meant LOL
Charlene R says:
Thank you so much for the early morning laugh!!! I love your sense of humor!!!
Valerie says:
Cutest/funniest post yet!! I’ve also seen quite a few frustrated parents give up on trying to keep ’em clean and go for the ALL NUDE XXX feedings…
Marie says:
Mike,
You did well!! lol
I have 2 suggestions. They make little smocks that kids use for painting and you can get those anywhere. Try Michael’s. Also I cut hair for a living and I have little capes that I bought at a barber supply house. Great for kids. You can get them at any Beauty Mart or a place where the public can go. Beauty Supply Shops are just for us but the public ones are everywhere. I bet you could find both items online.
Good luck!
Hugs from Minnesota
Marie
Angela says:
Bwa ha ha! I laughed harder and harder with each photo!
Skye says:
Hilarious post! I love how happy she still looks in every photo… until the last 2 photos. “Daddy? Can I PLEASE eat now?”
Annalisa says:
I have to admit, as a messy eater myself (I still get the occasional food stain on my shirt, even when I’m being good) I couldn’t help but chuckle.
Tell Heather that it’s developmental, and eventually Annie will decide she doesn’t want to be a yucky mess after meals on her own, which means that she will do better because it will matter to her.
In the meantime, this is what we do with our barely two year old: eating smock (Ikea has some nice ones, they’re more like nylon shirts you put over clothes) and baby wipes at the handy. We still have a problem with hair, but the baby wipes work well there too (basically, any part that is sticky gets the baby wipe treatment, hair and all). After she’s finished, and you’ve gotten the bigger layers of grime, take her to wash her hands, and make a big fuss about how good it feels to have clean hands now.
It’s not foulproof (the husband forgets to put a smock on all the time), but it works well enough without being a hazmat suit.
Diane B. says:
Totally laughed out loud at work–glad I’m the only one here right now! If the coffee weren’t in a travel mug, that probably would’ve ruined my new keyboard. Just get the hose out–it’s California and too cold right now.
Libby says:
Good one, Mike…super cute post. I havea toddler who eats like a freakin’ animal. I actually like the shower cap idea…the hair mess is the nastiest!
Debbie B. says:
Annie is too cute. Not too many people could pull off that look and still be adorable.
Kristen @ the chronicles of Dutch says:
I don’t even know how y’all get anything done without kissing that cute little face all the time. Seriously, the cuteness is too much!!
Nanette says:
HAAAAAA!
Jeanie says:
Oh, how funny!
Tara says:
Oh my, this made me laugh harder than I have in awhile! Absolutely hilarious and awesome.
Bonna says:
Too funny. Why not just leave her in a t-shirt and bottom and a ponytail. Or pjs. I have a 10 year old and a 14 year old and they still continue to feed their shirts on a regular basis. The 10 year old also manages to feed the BACK of his shirt. So, you may have your work cut out for you! (lol)
AmazingGreis says:
Ha, she looks like she’s preparing herself for a championship champagne shower!!
Norma says:
Sooooo funny! She looks super adorable in all the photos.
twingles says:
totally hilarious. how cooperative is she?!
TamaraL says:
Ha! And all this time, I thought Heather was the funny one!!
Trisha says:
Messy or not, getting a toddler to eat a meal is half of the battle. I meet so many parents who have very picky eaters at Annie’s age, so well done!
Auntie_M says:
Ack! You kill me!!! And I love that Annie let you do all this to her!
Dying w/laughter!!!!!!!!!!!